The Door
by Carl Pwccaman
Wednesday, December 18, 2002
Too grey, the clouds have blocked out light for three weeks as the
rain
continues. Waking up is a pointless exercise, today. I'm not quite
sure
what's adding to the fog today, maybe I just need more coffee, or
some
music in the background. Or maybe I should spend less time online. It
is
getting too repetitive, too obsessive, posting and checking for
responses and then writing and hyperlinking and checking for
responses
on what I posted three minutes ago in response to three threads, and
then back, and back like the needle of an old record player over a
record with a skip towards the end.
That's the problem, we may be marching toward THE END. The constant
rain
says business as usual, but it forgets easily its sleep in the
clouds.
After all, the raindrops were sleeping, in a fog or something, until
they woke up and rained. They have no clue they will be evaporated
again
to sleep in a cloud or sink into the watertable to absorb piss in a
toilet or maybe coffee grounds or maybe used in some machine to
manufacture poison, torture equipment, or some pill, and finally
evaporated to rest in puffy grey clouds to rain on me today. Well,
later
on. But it might just as well be today.
The distinction between 60 or 70 years ago and today, between
yesterday
afternoon and this morning, between dreaming and being technically
'awake' — it is all blurring in a morass. More ass, that's what life
feels like. Stirring the mud in my cup, listening to the drone and
hiss
from the tape, and knowing that outside the flag waves in the rain, I
wonder if they will knock, or if they will just come in silently
without
notice. Or will they sleep like the rain that has yet to fall.
I would put on 'The Vampire Bat' again, but it seems better to just
drink. That old silent movie was made in Germany during the reign of
the
Nazis — I'm amazed it was allowed. The supposed vampire was found
and
intimidated, run off a cliff. But the scapegoat, a handicapped guy,
wasn't really the one sneaking off the young ladies and leaving the
two
marks in the neck, it was the doctor, who was doing a Frankenstein
type
of experiment, attempting to keep a heart beating after death,
something
like that. Great twist, quite original. Seemed to me it criticized
the
Nazis, but to them it probably seemed like it revealed the hidden
parasite, the educated elite Jew doctor, since they saw Jews
everywhere
and couldn't expect anyone to see it otherwise; they couldn't see the
reactionary crowd as too evil, or the doctor as basically an SS man
or
concentration camp scientist. But I have to think the writer of that
story was commenting on the government and the mob mentality that
supported the Reich. And I also have to think that some of the people
who saw the movie, even some Nazis, beurocrats, SS-men, saw the real
implications of the critique and let the critique go uncensored.
I really don't know if it was censored, or the history of the movie
beyond the year and country of origin. I'm afraid. I'm not sure if it
is
better to find out that it was censored, or if it is better to find
out
that it was very popular and unprotested or even promoted by the
government. I'd hope it had an effect. A dangerous one.
But we can't be sure. Well, we could, I suppose. The internet search
reveals some sites with 'Vampire Bat' and 'Nazi', well, Atwill's son
died
fighting for the Brittish against the Nazis. Was Atwill a Brit over
in
Germany? Another website here is just a ufo website, can't find
anything
on the movie there, surprise surprise. Google's great, but sometimes
misleading. Here it is 'The Vampire Bat' (USA 1933, Dir: Frank
Strayer, Film Co.: Majestic, Cast: Stella Adams, Lionel Atwill, Melvyn
Douglas, Fay Wray) — that twists my mind a bit. I saw it last a
couple
years ago on the Public Broadcasting Network, and since then I
thought
it was originally made in Germany. The rest of the summary of the
movie
verifies it was made in the US. When I bought it I just filed it
away;
now seemed like a good time to see it again. I guess I will,
sometime.
Shit, here I was hoping during the early Nazi era someone slipped out
a
movie like that in Germany.
The reign continues, but we can at least get a hold of a movie like
that
in America. What reign? The constant drip from Administrations
manipulating and seizing more and more power, the pounding drums of
the
media. At least it isn't Hitler. But under water torture or erosion
the
Grand Canyon may eventually be made, and Canyons were formed very
quickly after the eruption in Washington.
I'm glad I took the medication — this isn't as paralyzing today. I'm
definitely clearer. I'm not sure what to make of this info on the
movie.
What I'd like to know is how I thought it was made in Germany? It was
placed in Germany. At that time there might have still been some
subversives trying to slide in criticism on the sly. I suppose I was
romanticizing. At the very least it was pretty insightful. America
did
avoid many of the extremes. America still is, by the skin of its
teeth.
The damn FBI can make the damn Barnes and Noble bookstore report it
if I
buy 'Steal this Book' by using the cameras that were installed to
prevent theft. I might very well be better off stealing it, if I
could
just be sure to get away with it. Gotta love small rebel used book
stores. Alan Dershowitz is advocating torture as constitutional, to
deal
with terrorists; as are the CIA and FBI. The definition of Terrorist
in
the USA Patriot Act could include any threatening activist.
Poindexter's
database could collect all sorts of information without a warrant.
Housing codes are enforced by police without warrant in Bellville,
like
Gestapo. US citizens defined as Terrorists do not get due process,
instead they can be put before a military tribunal, a secret court.
Initiated and executed by the President. For the Homeland.
Fatherland.
In the Bush. Of the Bush. By the Bush.
I had a dream a week or so ago and was able to hide in the shadow of
a
bush. Or in fog if the light was out of the way.
Screw it, if these people in the government simply chose to use these
laws, these executive orders, to squelch dissent, we'd be at the
mercy
of the courts and the outrage of the people, and the sensitivity of
the
Administration to their opposition. That isn't a great position to be
in. Yellow-Orange, the border line. Screw that, Yellow-Red, topsy
turvey, it could all be so quick. Or slowly, as the rules are in
place,
the courts are subverted, and people are lulled to sleep, and then
the
attacks against dissenters grows into harassing any individual
citizen
they choose. Creeping totalitarianism. Well, it's faster than
creeping,
but they seem to be slow to take advantage of what they have set up.
Technically free, technically setup for dictatorship. I don't like
this
twilight. I guess I'm seeing hope for fighting it, getting dissent
out,
projecting that on 1933 and 'The Vampire Bat' — we certainly have
the
ability to protest. They aren't taking full advantage of this crap,
so
we'd better take full advantage of what we can get away with. That
can
change everything. I have to believe that.
The light is too grey, and the lamps don't help much. I have to get
out.
Driving out in the rain is better that wallowing here in the
basement.
Perspective, perspective, scale, barometer, weather-vane, topography,
comparison, pattern, offset, make up for the possibility of
hydroplaning, turn on the radio to keep me alert and outside of my
own
head. Commercials. Turn off the radio and pull into a 7-11. Thank
heaven. Pull out of 7-11 and keep driving, wasting gas, screw it at
least I'm not driving an SUV. At least I'm not getting pulled over at
a
police check-point. And to keep it that way I need to see the
differences, the opening, the opportunity, the possibility of
dissent,
the success of dissent wherever it occurs. Otherwise I'll drive
myself
into a brick wall, with cigarette and blindfold.
