 as defined by Pacifico Ortiz Luis |
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as defined by Pacifico Ortiz Luis |
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| some of the people who have been wanting to get to know "me" have been obsessing over my rhyme book. a book that houses my deepest thoughts and secrets in poetic prose. i guess sometimes my metaphors go over people's heads still. you can often hear me saying "my rhyme book, is me". what i wanted for those i once thought truly worthy, was for them to be able to read me like an open book...not for them to read an open book like it was me. |
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my life has been unexpectedly eventful these past few days. and it'll probably stay like that for a while. i'm not going to give some weak excuse that i am "too busy" to write entries like other blogs i've seen. that's wack. it's all about time management. if i have time to think my thoughts, i probably have time to type them down. i'll separate this entry into 3 time frames. past: a friend from out of town came to visit recently. i honestly don't know why i hang out with him. actions speak louder than words...but his actions are simply mere whispers, and his words have very little meaning. he talks about stuff he wants to do...but he never does it. he does it in a condescending manner. whats funny is that i've already accomplished all these things. when he used to live here, he would use me to ride my reputation and perks of being known. and this recent visit, he used me as a literal ride. how are you gonna call somebody and say you want to leave now...then fuck with their car radio, then leave your trash in the backseat? fuck no. fuck that. go on and talk about how you're gonna do big stuff...when i'm the one already doing it. present: this past weekend i met two bgirls. i have a big thing for bgirls. one of em caught my fancy more than the other, but thats because of linguistic differences. they were only in town for 4 days, i seized those days to hang out with them the entire time. details and words mean nothing...but they actually got me into considering canada as a potential residence after college. future: remember that post on reputation that caused me to appear so egotistical? none of it was fabricated. apparently, there were auditions held recently for a stage production. they needed bboys. poets, actors, musicians, etc... i didn't even have to audition...they contacted me and asked me if i wanted to be part of it. of course i did...i love this sort of stuff. i'm not even bragging that my talents are so great that people come to me to offer gigs...no. i'm saying that my reputation has reached ALOT of people. i've been meeting, performing, sessioning, collaborating, working, talking with, etc an insane amount of people during my college life. it's with that, that my life is so cool. i can go almost anywhere...and i already have a friend living in that city. and this is why i've gotten into a couple arguments with some "aspiring artists" about how to be a professional musician. it has absolutely NOTHING to do with your talent. it has everything to do with who you know. why do you think kanye west, an average-skilled rapper, makes much more cash than mos def, an insanely talented rapper? and why do actors need to hire managers to get them roles in movies if they are already really talented? |
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it's funny how i said i am not a past-minded person...then immediately start retroflecting on memories. i guess this sparked from conversations i've had with strangers about our childhoods...after re-examining mine, i think i might've found a huge factor in why i turned out the way i did. i usually tell people "who i am now, is not who i am now".[say it out loud while looking at a clock while paying attention to the "now"s...and you'll get it] but now...it might be that, the who's i was then combine to form the who i am now. 1st-2nd grade: i was hyperactive. i never took naps. i actually faked sleeping to keep my parents happy. they eventually made up a story about ghosts with headless shadows coming to steal my feet if i don't go to sleep. this period also marked one of my best friends. later in life, it turns out he was gay...but the little things he did really made an impact on the way i think. [no, i'm not gay] 3rd-5th grade: me and my old best friend separated due to being in different classes...i eventually made a new best friend. he was REALLY smart. i kinda respected that. and i started being smart too. i made friends with a guy 2 years older than me who would read alot...and so i actually picked up books and read for fun. who woulda thought? and strangely enough, outside of school...i had another best friend...my next door neighbor. he was the opposite of my friend from school, because this guy was a sports fiend. after school, i would go outside and play pretty much every sport imaginable. handball, football, four square, baseball, soccer, and even hockey. my childhood was like the movie "The Sandlot". i'm sure nobody would've guessed i used to play alot of sports. 6th-8th grade: i became a bad boy. this was from the observation that acting out in classrooms makes you stand out and gives you more attention...and so i followed this almost religiously. so many teachers hated me haha. i got into alot of fights too. ooh how i loved fighting. i was smaller, so bullies would pick on me alot...but they'd back off because they realized i was never scared of them...i actually laughed at their attempts to pick fights with me. [this might explain my laughter at the most inappropriate moments, such as getting my teeth pulled] this was also the time when i said to myself "i don't care what people think about me"...and actually stopped caring. i was "weird"...but who cares. 9th-10th: i moved. so when i started high school i knew NOBODY. i didn't even realize i was a social success at the end of my high school career.[which is why, i'm confident i will thrive in any future destination i end up in...even if it's not here] personally, i hated high school. i stopped being bad because colleges actually look at behavior too...so then the "nice guy" in me started coming out. but at the same time, i became a huge flirt apparently. the only thing stopping me from getting girls...was me. i didn't know if a girl was digging me or not...it was insane how obvious they were, and how oblivious i was. i started to care a little bit...i became self-conscious somehow...even though i still won "most unique". for the most part, i don't remember what i did to deserve that honor. most of high school seems to be repressed in my memories for some reason. also, during one of my childhood talks with strangers...we told each other we both grew up slightly poor. i remember when my neighbors had ghostbuster blasters and the ghost trap...and i REEEALLY wanted that...but instead i wore a backpack, and tied a nintendo zapper to it. it was almost the same thing! that kinda made me realize that it might've been my inability to attain the real thing that has sparked my massive imagination. i actually still use my imagination. i wish i had grown up friends that did too...so we can pretend to be power rangers and fight the monsters. but not only that, i can imagine real life things too...its hard to explain...you have to really dig inside my mind to understand it.... for instance, i wanted a ghostbusters blaster...and i figured out a way to make it...same thing with real life...i think of something i want...then i "imagine"[or "think"] ways to make that real. the other parts of my past seem to be what color my eccentricity, mischievous nature, athletic physique, sensitive tendencies, and intelligence. i feel blessed to have gone through such diverse phases in life...i can't believe i actually took all that for granted until now. |
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something funny happened the other day...i was speaking about how i was recommended a book on fashion to help me with my style. my friend responded with "do you believe everything that a book tells you?" i found this kinda funny, because about 3 years ago i said the same thing to him. i used that same exact phrase to prove to him the world might be flat, and that he is a closet homosexual. but i rarely lose a battle of wits because of my mastery with words. i quickly responded "no, but i DO pay attention to advice given to me by people who know more on the subject than me. it's up to me to decide if i should follow that advice or not". nice try man. maybe next time... also, i do realize some of my older entries have seemed to been buried by time. but never fear...i am working on a time machine to bring us back to when i wrote them. school, breakdancing, socializing, and other art projects are taking up most of my time...but i hope to have this time machine finished by the end of the month. |
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as stated before, i am not one who has a mind that is focused on the past and questions of what if. my mind's eye has its gaze on the future. i hate thinking about the past. i've repressed many of these memories because most of them i don't use. i remember the ones that i can learn from and use at a later time. it is for this reason, that i've decided to bury one of my most prized and coveted works of art...my rhyme book. it's one of those things with deep dark secrets that i wanna tell people, but can't. those who REALLY want to read it will have to go through hell trying to find it. i am serious. they'll have to drive hours to the middle of nowhere, follow maps based on photos, solve difficult mathematic equations, and translate hieroglyphics. so now, nobody can whine about not being able to read my rhyme book...cuz now i'm giving them a chance. |