archives | | onethirteen04 | `love the kindness campaign 2004 | rabiddoggies | pitas
Upward
Curving of the
Lips
Slight
Crinkling around the
Corners of the
Eyes,
Filled with that
Unmistakable
Twinkle.
*
The
Longest sentence in the world simply
Cannot
Describe.
Her
Smile is strangely
Ordinary,
But nonetheless
Sincere.
something I scribbled out in that FAT notebook the other day. bleh. I don't understand why I'm posting this; it's a classic example of bad poetry. whatever man.
oh crap. tired tired tired. splat. life is so saaaad.
I want to cry.
kang: argh I haven't talked to you in ages. hahas. miss you dear. -hug-
ge jie: this is strange. YOU DIDN'T GET MY LETTER? wh00ps. but I MAILED it! personally! this can't be?! oh crap I'll just write another one.
joanna: I love you dearie. something I keep forgetting to tell you.
out
sine
crashed the landspeeder Monday, April 19, 2004 04:44 p.m.
ooh thanks to pitas's downtime, everyone MISSED the special bitching post that I typed out on notepad. Which is a good thing, if you're wondering. insult-hurling and near-identification of the victims. very unlike myself. but of course I think I've cooled down somewhat, after ranting agitatedly to my parents in the car on saturday, that post, and this morning. bleh. I guess the trauma the stress and the fatigue of the entire week just built up into this gigantic timebomb of irritation and frustration. I don't know if they know but interacting with them will never be the same again. yeah. I put up with them for a term, trying to ignore the little flaws in the clique but it was just too much for me this week- what with all the change everywhere. everything kind of squished together and got me all worked up. and our full dress on sat... oh nevermind. the shittiness of my pathetic life is overwhelming.
last night I finished the main image for the tokitoh layout I was planning. really reflected the cynicism that I was feeling.
Everyone has their own opinions on everything and life in general. whatever man. but I thought the loose canon performance was great. the only thing that spoiled it for me were the people in front and behind of me. I won't say anything else. but a-san has turned out to be not as cultured and artsy as she makes herself out to be. now it seems that all that class she tries to put forward is actually barely-guised superficiality. sadly. I don't know really, but maybe from experience people onstage like the audience to be either paying attention, or if impossible, stoning. Not holding their own private, distracting conversations. some people say you people are cool but I don't see anything cool about your behaviour, attitude or attire. seriously. if every single one of you are like that small sample I encountered yesterday I'm glad for the choice I made in primary four.
the above is a highly toned-down version of yesterday's unposted post. and without the myriad of expletives. yes, I was swearing at you.
my mom made brownies. haha none for you.
can't believe this love is actually being considered for the sl item thing. I was just randomly suggesting something. well, it'll be cool if everyone agreed. hahas. if they ignored the innuendo.
oh whatever. that kind of music makes me think of them.
oh well.
some days I just get so sick of everything I want to run away.
seriously don't want to go to school tmr. goodbye.
out
sine
crashed the landspeeder Sunday, April 18, 2004 05:44 p.m.
yes damien dear, you may have been right when you said that I sound different now. Maybe I do. and maybe I don't give a shit.
I'm going to go take a bath. then I'm going to go for my cello lesson. I am not going to think about that nice, sweet-looking cliquecommunity that the part of the class has turned into. I am not going to think about recess today and what mingmei said to me. I am not going to think about ANYTHING now.
I'm just deluding myself.
get the SHIT out of my life.
I love you people. You know who you are.
out
sine
crashed the landspeeder Friday, April 16, 2004 05:03 p.m.
could say today wasn't that great a day. sugar high=general fatigue. whatever. crazily everything decided to happen together on the same day. stupidity.
helped claire g buy a badge from the prefect's room. a badge costs one dollar. I never knew that because I needed to buy one extra one. inherited enough from my sister. she was a paranoid guai-kia. I would elaborate if I'd wanted to but what's the point in that. I. am. tired.
strangely enough my service duty was cancelled. because nobody has detention on wednesdays.
wahpiakkk
was DYING to say that for the whole entire blooday tiring day. not biang but piakkk. like an egg splattering all over the floor in a macabre slow motion.
school was closing in around me now it's got me by the neck
so blooday tired. ooh and we had a semi full dress for minamata today. no makeup just most of the costumes. ahahaha. and I think I cried. yeah I did. but I have to practise some more to get better. whatever man.
yingxi I hope you're okay now. I hope what we told you this afternoon helped. I love you.
gracie i love you too.
arghhh don't want to go to school tmr. I want to SLEEP.
out
sine
crashed the landspeeder Thursday, April 15, 2004 10:38 p.m.
this is completely absolutely horribly morbidly true. true. So so so so true.
I had a coffee overdose today. my first. My mom used to get them when she used to drink around five strong cups a day, but now she's on two to three.
Last night I got home and I was COMPLETELY BUSHED from ld and school and high-stress about my tests and all. And I had a stomach ache and a headache as well, so I crawled off to bed after flipping aimlessly through my Japanese notes. This morning I woke up ten minutes later than usual, scrambled half-asleep and feeling like absolute oily shite to get everything ready and managed to look more or less presentable before rushing off the school, ten minutes before I had to go for duty. originally that meant enough time for me to dump my bag in class, eat my breakfast, and then make my way downstairs. But when I got to class I found out from everyone about the lights not working and all. bleh. so I stayed there for NINE MINUTES stressing about it. and then I glanced at my watch, realised that I was going to be blooday shite late. so I ran. and reached there on time. okay, so I was a few minutes late. I was doing duty with orlanda. she's quite nice.
after one day of not blogging my blogging skills have gone down the drain. I am going to FAST FORWARD.
So I got through to recess feeling absolutely TERRIBLE. I almost fell asleep in class, but it was freezing so I didn't borrowed oceana's windbreaker. yes, our classroom is so damn cold you need a WINDBREAKER to keep warm. or a WINTER PULLOVER. yes the green one that's now in the staff room with all our minamata costumes.
during recess I spent ONE TWENTY on an ice-cold can of nescafe latte. or whatever it was. and I finished it in one minute. seriously. or half a minute. whatever it was. after that it was just simply CAFFEINE HIGH BLISS. It's as strong as two cups of moelc strong coffee, so I was feeling pretty woozy at the same time. sat through english and half a compre test, and then the entire history test (scribbling absolute utter CRAP onto three sides of foolscap- I don't know how I managed), and then barbara and I scrambled onto the bus and whined all the way to the moelc. ahahaha. I thought I said I'd fast forward. whatever.
I BOUGHT ANOTHER CUP OF STRONG COFFEE! congratulate me. it was boiling hot. ninety degrees celcius. okay that wasn't boiling hot. but whatever. just TEN DEGREES more. and I drank it while studying. I was FINE until I'd plopped down in my chair and sensei had passed the papers around. then suddenly I realised that my hands were quivering. seriously. quivering. I couldn't keep them still. my hands were shaking my pen was shaking I was freaking out and feeling like puking.
I sat through the test like that. it was horrible. like parkinsons or something.
do you think coffee destroys your liver or you kidneys? or both. I think I'd better stop drinking school coffee. too strong. coming to think about it my fingers are quivering again. whatever man.
okay so now I'm NOT bushed but I will be later. bleh
out
sine
crashed the landspeeder Wednesday, April 14, 2004 08:06 p.m.
just realised that after one blooday term in school I still am unable to read my timetable. found out when trying to figure out what timings me recesses were at. I have a sinking feeling I still got them wrong, but I sent them to rachel already, so it should be all right.
and OH NO what happened to the $$? shitshitshit. I am so going to die. so so so so so going to die if it's not there tomorrow. okay don't panic. do. not. panic.
I am going to think about other things. now.
what the heck is wrong with me right now. what the bloody f---ing heck. I am so damn restrained today. repressed. my stress levels have hit the roof. I am going to DIE of HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE if this goes on. on my gravestone it will say: here lies sine, who died prematurely of high blood pressure.
crashed the landspeeder Monday, April 12, 2004 10:43 p.m.
was typing out classcom meeting 2 minutes just now. bleh I can't believe how the com has procrastinated doing all these SIMPLE BASIC things. we really have to buck up. I really have to buck up.
crashed the landspeeder Monday, April 12, 2004 07:02 p.m.
my mom has FINALLY decided to take me to cut my hair this weekend, after I whined to her about my hairband giving me a giant splitting headache for the whole entire blasted bleeding blooday day. I got through lessons fairly well, considering I was wearing that stupid hairband and having the feeling of someone perpetually strangling me because of my collar and tie. Maybe it was true, figuratively. I wasn't as lucky as gracie, who only saw around three offences (she said so on her blog) in a day, all about socks and scrunchies. Mine was highly traumatizing, with my almost walking in on onethirteen eating in class, almost seeing mingmei using her handphone (I'm not very sure whether I really saw her), saying bye to sharon (who was walking out of the foyer already) and suddenly hearing a handphone ringing [maybe it wasn't hers. I hope it wasn't hers], trying my best during PE not to sit down on the floor because when you're on the floor you see SOCKS, and all manner of crap. And there was that tricky thing about laoshi noticing that becky hadn't worn her nametag or badge (whichever one she was talking about) when I hadn't, earlier on. so I had started to pull my notebook out already when laoshi decided that might as well let becky be booked by someone once she got out of class. honestly.
I'm shit tired because I slept late last night and woke up early this morning and sadly didn't have a chance to sleep once I got to class. but I had a nice breakfast with gracie, though. and DAMIEN thanks for the letter!! arh I love you dear.
mom gave me this lecture about how my work was going down. in the car. I wanted to sleep, actually. bleh. am pretty stressed out about third language.
out
sine
crashed the landspeeder Monday, April 12, 2004 05:33 p.m.
hahas... I'm in a strange mood right now. was toying with the idea of creating another online alter ego. a male one. other than saruman the sarcastic obnoxious pig. ahahahas.
alX (don't you get it? al- X? alex? ahahahaha): 17-year-old male singaporean student currently in JC, excells in various sports but chose to be a tenor in the school choir. Academically talented and always fresh and clean and attractive, alX is an avid fan of Isaac Azimov and Phillip K Dick, and in his spare time writes lots of romatic and lyrical poetry. He plays the soprano sax.
ducks under the table laughing
ohman I should even set up a WEBSITE posing as this attractive JC guy. ahahahas. If I do, come drop by. (: Ohman that'd be so SO SO SO fun to pull off!!
my sister thinks I'm mentally imbalanced now.
out
sine
crashed the landspeeder Sunday, April 11, 2004 04:17 p.m.
Good Friday is the day that we remember Jesus died on the cross for us (horrible slow painful bloody death) so that our sins could be forgiven. Easter Sunday is the day we remember how three days after his crucifiction Jesus ROSE AGAIN from the dead. How Jesus washed our sins away with his own blood and how he died for us, convicted though he was innocent. for God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have everlasting life- John 3:16 I learnt this verse when I was a kid but I learnt it because we got stickers for learning it. then I forgot it. I learnt all these memory verses by heart because I wanted the stickers, but now only snatches of them appear in my head now and then. so now I'll have to learn them again and find new meanings in them.
today is a happy day. but we must also remember to continue spreading the gospel so that more people will come to know God and reconcile with him so that everyone will be saved.
some of my mom's sunday school kids told her that her eggs were ugly. they probably were referring to the yellow ones. (: hahas.
oh well. went to marche to eat a super-salty lunch with my family. haven't been there with them as a family for a reallly long time. ahahas.
this evening I'm going for the evening easter service at my church so I can watch my sister playing the viola with the flute-violin-viola-cello quartet. missed it because I had sunday school.
augh I love all of you.
out
sine
crashed the landspeeder Sunday, April 11, 2004 01:33 p.m.
this love has taken its toll on me
wh00 house dinner rockedROCKEDROCKED. augh. don't have the WORDS to put down here. sports fest was GREAT too, but that time we had house dinner to look forward to. and now after house dinner... I really don't know. I lovelovelove the buckle com 2004 for being such a GREAT house exco. and I lovelovelove my batchmates for being so WONDERFUL and ENTHUSIASTIC. arh. I hopehopehope we'll carry on being like this for the rest of the FOUR YEARS in school.
almost lost my voice cheering again. almost cried. but then kangya was crying a bit so I stopped. yeah. gave her a huggie. It's strangely very fun to hug kangya because I have to stand on TIPTOES to hug her. as in REAL tiptoes. or else she'll have to bend over. I can't remember how and when I'd gotten so short. (: kangya you'd better not get any taller or I'll probably fracture my toes hugging you.
okay let's not think about that.
my mom is doing EASTER EGGS for her sunday school kids. yups the ten year olds. and I'm writing on the little paper bags that she made this morning. and I'm helping her soak the eggsies in food colouring. ahahahas. she couldn't get red so she now has GREEN and yellow. couldn't care less about the yellow. maybe I should drink the bottle so that ALL the eggs'll have to be GREEN! ahahahas. I'll probably get cancer from that or something. or my insides will turn green. A good way to turn orangey yellow is to eat lots and lots of carrots and papaya. that way you'll become jaundiced. because the kerotine (sp?) gets trapped under your skin. you can DIE of it.
oh well. kind of emotional after all the speeches and the screaming and the cheering. bleh.
crap I'm starting to sound so retarded on my blog. can't believe I actually typed "ohwells" in the earlier paragraph. nope. I must go back and edit that.
hmmm... this page is getting a bit long- might be changing the layout soon. or maybe not- just a simple archive. anyhow don't expect much from me any time soon.
went scouting around for a nice picture to feature- was looking for an anime picture. yes everyone, sine is finally going back to here anime blog layout roots. (: whee. it's a tough choice between yami no matsuei (YAOI!!! ahahahas most of their pics are a bit gay), hanakimi (I can go absolutely BALLISTIC looking at all those bishie pictures... ahhhh the droolworthy) and wild adapter by kazuya minekura. yes, the absolute genius of a mangaka who brought us saiyuki. and yes, wild adapter is shounen ai. and no, don't look at me that way.
after much consideration I'll probably be playing around with that HOTHOTHOT pic of tokitoh and the clothesline from wild adapter. It has that grit and tone that I've always wanted in my layouts. actually used it before for the splash page of a failed version of .rabiddoggies but I think that picture can go even further than just existing on splash pages. of course there was also a picture of kubota in a similar theme but tokitoh looks soooo much better. kubota looks like pms hakkai with fuzzy hair. tokitoh looks like a happier version of hakkai with nice normal-looking hair. okay whatever man. but the yami no matsuei and the hanakimi bishies look too cartoony for me. as in they might be HOTHOTHOT as well but the lines are just less gloomy than kazuya minekura's. coming to think about it, I've had all these anime layouts so far and they've all been either saiyuki or cowboy bebop. I wonder why. but cowboy bebop has great deep art as well. none of that "attractive bishie love at first sight" cartoony feelings. yups that's what I love about saiyuki and cowboy bebop.
you have just witnessed a short example of an anime bishie rant. ahahahas. but tokitoh is still so unbelievably HOTHOTHOT. and I've just realised that the hanakimi bishies actually look strangely like the yami no matsuei ones. ooh and hanakimi has slight touches of shounen ai as well. ahahas. it kind of comes with the bishies. whatever.
out
sine
crashed the landspeeder Saturday, April 10, 2004 07:55 p.m.
dear ms chong,
I was recently introduced to your brilliant textbook, comprehensive physical geography by my sister (who incidentally took history for her o levels) not long ago, after which I COMPLETELY FELL IN LOVE with it. It is completely COMPREHENSIVE, unlike some of the other ridiculously primary-school geography textbooks I have encountered, and is so CHOCK FULL OF INFORMATION that I DROOL whenever I see your textbooks. You are the it person of geography textbooks, like britney is the it person of bimbotism. I LOVE your textbooks- they helped me finish my normally UNMANAGEABLE geog homework. I love you I love you I love you ms chong!!
your faithful and adoring fan,
sine
whee!! I'm in some kind of crazed mood right now. I RAN 1.6km without dying!!! but I decided not to run another round. ooh I think I'm getting better.
my stupid phone has been ringing nonstop in the past fifteen minutes because I've been using class relay to pass the house dinner msg down. bleeargh. I still don't trust my class. I called the people in the front, the people at the end and the people in the middle, but there are still some people who've been calling me up to ask about it. whatever. I just hope hope hope hope hope that we'll be able to successfully pass the msg around- for the FIRST TIME in the entire year.
and lyss, if I were godzilla I'd be honoured. you're just sooooo sweet. (:
bleargh.
Oh shite i'm bushed. still have to write the ken and ann tractor epilogue script thingy. I've been stuck on "what do you mean by that?" for the past half and hour. no, actually I took a break to write "HE LIVES! happy easter 2004*" on little paper basket/bag thingys that my mother made. for her sunday school kids. she's making some more tomorrow so I'll get to write again. and kill all those little boatlike things and destroy mom's handiwork with my horrid handwriting. but it's fun! and she's going to paint the eggs GREEN with food colouring. ooh now she's talking about green string handles. and red. yeah. but GREEN string handles. ahahahas.
out
sine
crashed the landspeeder Friday, April 9, 2004 08:34 p.m.
YEAH!! we rocked the stadium, y0!
augh must really thank the house comm and our seniors for instilling that L-O-V-E for buckle in us. (: we love you too!!
ah well. shouted and yelled and projected and gave up projecting and screamed and wh00ped and waved my arms in the air. almost lost my voice completely. when we sang the school song I was jumping pitches and going up and down like a guy breaking his voice. It's not as bad now because during dinner (we had dinner together outside as a family!!) I drank cups and cups and cups of water like some kind of dehydrated cactus. The poor waiter had to keep filling up. bleh. so now my voice isn't perpetually low and sandy anymore, but my vocal range has still been suitably lowered. And when I sing- okay so you don't want to hear me sing- I sound like a half-strangled donkey. Ooh my sister just gave me a ricola- it's purple. whatever. ahahaha. she wasn't exactly exhillarated to hear that BUCKLE GOT SECOND PLACE today. she was from tarbet. (:
mass dance just rocked!!! rockedrockedrockedrockedrocked the place down. the field was the nicest field EVER. all springy mowed clean unmuddy grass, just waiting for us to mass dance on. I had the TIME OF MY LIFE mass dancing on it. But of course I felt rather sad to be doing it for the last time. ever. again. and even if we try it'll never be the same. I don't careeee next year if I have nothing to do- I probably will have nothing to do- I'll go back every house practise to do mass dance with the new sec ones.
ARRGH all the chao people who ran today I LOVE YOU! esp yingxi. YOU PEOPLE RAN YOUR BEST!! but oceana looked like she was in pain when she was running. wonder if she's okay.
I am just so so so so so so so so so so happy. and that's why this whol post is in GREEN!
out
sine
crashed the landspeeder Thursday, April 8, 2004 08:03 p.m.
And after a night’s
Rest
We’ll be back to
Square one.
Because
With
Virtual hugs that are never really
Warm, and
That glossy transparent screen that
Flattens emotions,
I love you
Means all the more.
generally I know I suck at poetry, but I'm just putting this up here to irritate you. so HAHA on you. and was this a real-life experience? guess.
If I had an imood thingy up here, this is what it would say:
self derogatory
pissed
tired
frustrated
shitty
okay so today wasn't that bad- in fact it was quite okay- but yeah I'm pms-ing so don't worry about it.
crashed the landspeeder Wednesday, April 7, 2004 05:32 p.m.
One Message Received
Technology seems to have controlled my social life. Phone manipulation.
Surreptitiously
I peek at the
Luminescent screen of
My phone.
In hopes of finding a message there
Waiting patiently for me.
Nothing.
Just the screensaver
Nothing else.
Perhaps I’d get a greeting
From a friendly classmate or
Start a conversation with
Nobody in particular
Or maybe a daily
I love you
From my mother or a close friend.
As an afterthought it seems that I have sent that
Message
More times than I have received it.
Surreptitiously I
Peek at the luminescent
Screen of my
Phone.
In hopes of finding a message there waiting patiently
For me-
One message received
Fingers quiver as I struggle to
Open it.
To see whom it’s from
Maybe someone special
Someone nice
Or maybe not:
Could u pls stop
bothering me I
haf to finish my
hmw by today
-Owari-
bleargh that was just so so so so so so so sucky. whatever.
ahahaha. ld was fine today except for the occasional mistake on my part, like saying my line with this absolute gusto only to have everyone look at me and tell me that we were at a different part.
and then there's the matter of my crying on cue. or whatever. I thought maybe I'd do better if I practised a bit before my scene, so three scenes before that I started to make myself cry. It's a weird way for me, because it's more silent than anything. just the tears rolling down- no sound at all. yeah. and then successfully the tears came and I was crying. and crying. and crying. and crying. and I just couldn't stop. until near the scene during which I was supposed to come on. and then suddenly I was all dry-eyed in front of the stage lights because my over-active tear glands had stopped working. like wow, just a few minutes ago I was standing there crying away, and now when I really want to cry there is NOTHING.
silly me.
out
sine
crashed the landspeeder Tuesday, April 6, 2004 10:20 p.m.
kan4 wo3 bu4 shuang3 shi4 ma1? ni gen1 wo3 gun3 kai1 lah
you go even*!! don't let those racist guys get you down. and really, I bet they were just jealous. of everything. including your nice eyes. ahahahas. BE PROUD of what you have, like I know you are. it's what you think that matters most. you define yourself. nothing else matters as long as you're yourself and you're completely and totally comfortable with that. kay girl? I bet your chi is getting better than mine. ^^ and I bet you could have trashed those guys anytime. (: kan4 wo3 bu4 shuang3 shi4 ma1? ni gen1 wo3 gun3 kai1 lah I could just HEAR you saying that in my head. that is just so so so so you. ahahas. yups and I think you're as local as anyone can get. okay maybe 99.999999% because of the switching accents talent bit. ahahas. my jap sounds indian and my indian sounds jap. Sorry about that time when I introduced you to my friend wrongly when she asked where you came from. I said scottish slightly before you said singaporean. bleargh. sorry dear. ooh and THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for calling me just now. I LOVE YOU.
am wearing a teal alice band. a *fat* teal alice band that keeps my hair from my face. my mom says I look cute. I have discovered a NEW AND IMPROVED way of wearing alice bands so that I won't end up looking so retarded. bwahahaha.
damien I LOVE YOU!!! thx for that GREAT hug during recess.
gracie thx for dropping by dearie. ahahahas.
ge jie I miss you too! great seeing you today.
arh kangya don't forget that I haven't given you that hug I promised the other day.
tingting thx for dropping by too. miss you.
lynette, vivian, joey I DIDN'T see you today!! whyyy? bleh miss you guys toooo. (:
natty tai: -hugggggs-
argh. goodbye.
out
sine
crashed the landspeeder Monday, April 5, 2004 09:17 p.m.
*glances up at the blog title* arh orginally wanted to post one of the four poems I wrote in surreptitiously, but obviously I haven't, because a) they're so lousy, and b) I couldn't choose a lousier one. Honestly, I keep telling myself that poetry's not my thing- I know it's not my thing. Neither is writing. I know there's just something out there that I'll love forever, but it's just hidden under that irritating plastic unopenable cover.
And yet it's like some sort of crazed addiction. I keep going back for more. And more. And more. even though I know it'll ruin me. cause my insides to come hurtling out of my throat. corrode my vital organs. mess up my brains.
conclusion: writing is a drug that you just keep going back for. It grips hold of you and you belong to it forever.
there are some people I just want to hug. I look at them and then there's this surge of emotion and then I hug them. And then there's this other group of people whom I never thought of hugging and then I hug them and it feels... I feel better. I don't know. It's not just a hug. It's not just some cheap lesbo thrill.
whatever man. I'm thinking too hard.
don't you think this place seems much more intimate now that I've blocked out this whole bunch of people? hahas. Just wondering.
out
sine
crashed the landspeeder Monday, April 5, 2004 04:09 p.m.
I give up. I'm past the stage of reading emotional blogs and crying. I'm past the stage of blogging and crying. whatever man. you'd be surprised at whose blogs I cried at. shall not name them. you'd be surprised at how hard I cried re-reading flowers on the ice and numb the pain. happiest time of my life. how we flooded the comments box with our instant messaging stint. ahahahas. tomorrow I shall get up nice and early to start stressing about how I didn't get a present for kexin.
crashed the landspeeder Saturday, April 3, 2004 10:59 p.m.
sweet honey laced with potent venom
“If you insist-” Damien started, but was interrupted by Jun.
“I insist,” he said flatly, half groaning and resuming his stiff position in front of the laptop screen, glasses slowly sliding down his nose.
Damien didn’t laugh this time- he only smiled mildly- the kind of smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes and was all the more filled with pain, and at that point Jun wondered absently to himself whether Damien’s smile scared him more than his laughter. He sat there for a long time in front of the keyboard, not typing a single word, but just thinking and thinking while he rubbed the sleep from his eyes.
It was a quiet night. The kind of night that Jun both enjoyed and feared. The kind of night during which not a sound could be heard- not the mewling of a lonely cat, the scrape of feet against the pavement outside, or the purring of a solitary car revving down the road. The kind of night where every star would hold it’s breath waiting for something to happen. It was the kind of night that made Jun unbelievably uneasy, because he was unbelievably afraid, and even the stars knew when Jun was afraid.
It was in this kind of deathly silence that that slow, thick hum would fill the air around Jun and bore into his head. He had tried his utmost to keep it out, but the vacuum of sound had caused its return, with a vengeance. It hurt Jun immensely to hear it singing to him with such coy seduction in its tone, like sweet honey laced with potent venom. He had a feeling that if the sound could be visible, he would have seen millions of lines of zinging bright light consuming the entire room, bouncing off the walls and off of himself.
sometimes I wonder what happens after the "are you okay" stage. Maybe there's this huuge yellow-and-black striped barrier the prevents you from going further.
and then I won't realise what I've lost until someone reminds me. that day will be the day that I'll learn how to cry on cue.
forgot my mom's birthday present today. sure, I remembered her birthday. but there was no birthday present for her. strangely this situation sounds familiar.
whatever. happy birthday joanna. love you dear.
you: hey dear. don't feel so bad kay. I love you and I know they love you even more. (: jia you! I'm sure you ppl will be GREAT together. just rmb I'll be rooting for you ppl. *hugs*
out
sine
crashed the landspeeder Saturday, April 3, 2004 02:22 p.m.
yeah damien, damien is beautiful. the quiet, wan-and-sickly kind. hahas. (: I have to admit I fell in love with damien completely the first time I met him. ^^ rain was supposed to be about him, but he didn't even appear in the short. hahas. but then, neither did infinity. takeshi and eiji are just whiny arses, but they got center stage. freaky how the world works. ooh but I didn't tell anyone about jun, did I? ahh. he was secret. a giant secret. named him after one of FC-san's more obscure characters, circa wings.
had a great cello lesson today. (: I love my cello.
guojun!! you were alone in finishing your HCL today! I didn't finish it. bleh. tried to during recess, but to no avail.
somebody tell me why my blog is so retarded.
that's because you're retarded.
no I'm not.
yes you are.
no I'm not.
okay maybe you aren't but you're still a loserish, pseudo-literary underachiever.
...
my sister is sick, probably because of me.
ahhh. I know why there's a silence. you're expecting me to feel guilty.
ahahahahahahaha.
actually I am guilty. (:
but she gets to sleep EARLY tonight. as in REALLY EARLY. while I have to keep vigil next to the phone and do my homework at the same time. is it "keep vigil"? or something else. whatever. who cares anyway? my sister. bleh.
is there ld tomorrow? I hope so, because I'm staying back after house practise for it. whatever. if there isn't my mom will probably kill me.
tomorrow is the LAST house practise. must not allow self to get emotional.
whatever man.
out
sine
crashed the landspeeder Friday, April 2, 2004 08:58 p.m.
hahas. Excel lesons are freakily fun to do. All that manipulation and ordering and duplication. bill gates is my new hero. ahahahaha. Okay so some time ago sun yat sen was my new hero. bleh whatever.
strangely enough that wasn't me. most of what you see is what I'm not.
poser.
hypocrite.
loser.
life slowly takes you it its claws like a mother takes her baby into a loving embrace, and then a split second later you've been murdered by its powerful jaws.
cue sine.
bleh. I have three japanese tests today. because I missed out two last lesson.
crashed the landspeeder Friday, April 2, 2004 08:39 a.m.
There he went again. Floating about overhead like some kind of lingering, washed-out spirit. All mild smiles and pale face. It wasn’t that Jun minded Damien’s company; it was just that at that particular time in the middle of the night, the younger man should have been fast asleep.
“I’ll be up a long time, Damien. Go get some sleep,” Jun said, stifling a yawn and stretching in his chair before taking a sip from his mug of coffee and cringing at its bitter taste. “I’m positive this is the worse tasting coffee that has ever gone down my throat.”
Damien laughed, an oddly quiet kind of laugh, rather like glass tinkling onto the floor. “You’ve said that five times before in one evening.”
Jun couldn’t help but feel a wash of cold go down his back, hearing Damien laugh like that. He never used to. It was unnatural. And yet it was so much like Damien. Damien, with his pale elfin face and haunted black eyes, who was hovering around Jun like an uneasy guardian angel. Jun shook his head to clear his mind. “We’ll never be angels,” he muttered to himself.
Damien cocked his head towards his seated friend. “You said?” he questioned softly.
Jun shrugged his shoulders. “Nothing. And you really should get back to bed.”
Damien shook his head. “How much more of that chapter do you have left?” he asked persistently.
Grinning widely but tiredly, Jun stretched again. “Acres. Go to bed.”
Damien laughed again, which, as Jun noted, was seldom. But as an afterthought, maybe Damien’s laughter didn’t sound like glass. Yes, he was positive it didn’t. It sounded like something else, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on it at that moment.
whee. just realised how short I am. (: it scared me to find out that I have to tiptoe when I hug most people. didn't realise until before ld, when I hugged yingxi and found out that in order to reach around her I had to tiptoe. great- I thought that only happened to me when I hugged kangya. argh nevermind. hahas. Must go find someone shorter than me to hug on a regular basis. then my self-esteem to skyrocket.
ooh forget to add that hugging ge-jie also makes me feel vertically challenged.
ahaha I know if I'm doing any writing at all I should be writing orion, but it just so tiring. like wading through half-solidified thick cement or something. so I'm writing another short to occupy myself. whatever man. knowing me I'll probably die on it again and the ghosts of the wrecked story will come to haunt me forever.
ld was fun today. okay, as fun as a slothlike, no-direction, repetative rehearsal can get. but yeah I still love ld. of course I do. it was slightlya lot different from drama club but I'm just so thankful that I had such GREAT directors, teachers, seniors, batchmates and juniors in my three years there. (: ahaha.
ooh and I cried on cue. just a few tears. because I was feeling quite bad already, so it just took a bit of effort to make the tears come. just that it was so tiring to do that. bleh.
oooh shoutouts because I'm to tired to talk abt school. and everyone likes shoutouts, right?
zix: thx dear for sitting around with me stoning after ld. hahas I LOVE YOU dearie. *smile!
kangya: thx dearie for the HUG!! yeah I'm okay. just a bit tired because I was sick. hahas. you take care kay.
ge jie: arh I've already forgotten about the incident. what happened? now I'll have to read my own blog to remember. (: hahas. yups there's NO wall, kay? I still love you as much, if not more.
damien: I'm finally starting YOUR story. ahaha. ^^ rain, frozen, whatever. the character damien will always be for you. thx for dropping by today.
ele: I miss you like hell dear. love you and I really want to give you a hug. -huggles-
lyss: augh! all the best with your arm and your tennis kay girl. missed you today at ld. my dad. my (much shorter than your temporary one-time understudy yingsze) dad. ahaha. love you love you love you dear.
HQ defecient people, i.e. ge jie, joey, lynette, shuting, etc: SMILE people! don't feel so sad. I love you guys a LOT and you should know that by now. I'll be here if you need a hug to get your HQs soaring!!
guo jun: actually I can remember almost everything I wrote on that postcard to you. (: hahas. but it would be better if I didn't. so the things I said will just be your little secret. I like it that way. when people write like that to me, it's like chocolate. hahas. yeah, and reading your blog really got me to know you better. because now I know exactly how to be friends with you, not just an acquaintence. love you dear and all the best with ncc.
muthu: glad you're ok now. stay like that kay? HQ UP!!! hahahas. will give you a hug soon. (:
laogong: ahaha haven't really talked to you recently. not that there's anything to talk about. still love you dear. all the best with everything you do. and I'm sure you'll get into the netball sch team. or did you already? heh.
whoaaa. have to go now. oh and history lesson ROCKED today. ahahas. okay so it wasn't that great. but yeah I didn't fall asleep. see it pays to come home early at least one day a week. ahaha.
just drank some water. I feel like a frog when I do that.
sine the large green frog puffs out her cheeks in a horribly disgusting and ribbity way as she gulps down yet another mouthful of murky, day-old liquid. ribbit, says sine. sine almost chokes to death/spits out the water because she does not realise that there is still water in her mouth. she swallows the water. ribbit, sine says, this time happily, because she has finished her entire bottle of water.
wh00ps. that was rather calvin and hobbes-esque. hahas.
out
sine
crashed the landspeeder Thursday, April 1, 2004 06:07 p.m.
hypocrite.
got anything that makes you sad you can talk to me about it. (: I'll try my best to be there for you.
what kind of person am I?
I'm so sorry. I love you people. get used to it.
crashed the landspeeder Tuesday, March 30, 2004 09:45 p.m.
I am sick. as in sick. you know the fever+sore throat+cough combination. I have been sick since second block this morning and I didn't know it. Just thought it was because of lack of sleep. How dumb do I get. Then I wore my nice green jumper with a T on it to sweat the fever off. but of course you can't sweat out fevers when you're in an air-con room, can you? so I only successfully did so during lunch. ahahaha. Then near the end of ld the dratted fever came back again. until now. splitting headache as well. whatever.
thanks justme for posting. augh I love you so much too dear. owe you a hug. hahas. (:
umn... ooh yes hannah wrote a letter to me today. turns out she was the hannah from my piano teacher's. this is pretty confusing. yups she's in 206. that's amanda and mabel's class. whee. I'm so smart.
bleargh this is so blooday confusing. Maybe I'm just having pms today. but yeah I've not been a good friend to anyone. or junior. or whatever. constant what-the-crap whining and just pure silliness. or else I get a pseudo-narcoleptic fit and fall asleep everywhere. argh I just feel like I'm not as close to some of my ld batchmates as I'd like to. must really really really take time out to bond with them. and damien and ele. so glad to see you today damien. hahas. I even yelled "damien!" in front of everyone. hahas. (: and ephrem is a cute name. ^^
rmb asai takeshi. bao. ishida eiji. infinity. damien. night. jun. bleh. the UNTITLED short that I never finished. but I finished rain, didn't I? ahaha. Oh shit I'm just so damn sleepy.
oh well might as well just blooday give up on all this crap. Give up trying to be the nice "people person". just be as mean as I know I am inside. I'm a rotten onion. bleh. yeah I should really just give up. like I'm giving up sounding falsely happy on my blog. so there. go and shit youself. I don't care. why don't I just go back to the vindictiveness and the backstabbing and the whining and the whinging. whatever man
sorry just needed to vent. go away now. hide. whatever. I don't give a shit about you. I just think you should know that.
I just think you should know that no matter how pissed and angry at you I seem I still love you so much that it hurts me. and then sometimes I just get so pissed because it hurts so blooday much and I take it out on you.
nice to know you/goodbye
out
sine
crashed the landspeeder Tuesday, March 30, 2004 09:05 p.m.
If anyone wants to know what the feeling of absolute panic and dying on the spot is like, I've just discovered it.
I was standing outside the prefect's room talking to wenny jie and ge jie (who kept slipping in and out of the room in a very random fashion... was wondering which planet the extraterrestrials who abducted my ge je came from) about... umn... whatever. the effects of amnesia caused by severe trauma has addled my brains. Augh I was just so happy to see them and I was just talking to wenny jie when my phone rang.
my heart just squelched its way down my chest and landed with a sickening thump in the pit of my stomach, leaving a horrible emptily icy trail behind. It just sank. sank doooooown my chest. like the titanic. [crash! blugblugblugblugblug. jack I'll never let go....]
I saw wenny jie's eyes widen in some kind of ABJECT HORROR as I suddenly realised the severity of the situation. the severity. however you spell it. the SEVERITY. And some kind of fleeting primal instinct cultivated in me since primary one rose up from the mashed-up remains of my heart and lungs that were lying in a bloodied heap inside of me. That kind of instinct that makes a stupid deer freeze in front of the spotlights of a car. or the kind of instinct that makes moths fly into lights and get zapped to death.
I ran.
I clutched my pocket where my confounded handphone was happily ringing away and I ran. Into the foyer. wow, how smart could I get? umn apparently not very. ahaha. Then I stopped and I began to hop around while trying to stick my hand into my pocket, in a crazed, panicked effort to switch the damn thing off, except that due to the magic of modern technology, the damn keys were LOCKED. stupid damned handphone. stupid damned me. why did I have to set that lock function? okay so I had to. whatever.
it was my mom. my mom. I didn't answer the phone. she hung up before I had the chance to. thank God. and then I was hurriedly fiddling with my phone to turn it back to silent mode when I turned around, to see ge jie and wenny jie.
remember our friend the bloodied mass of heart and lung lying in the pit of my stomach? yeah. well you see, to add to that, my INSIDES COLLAPSED. Everything inside of me just caved in, melted, congealed, froze and melted. watching their faces filled with ABJECT HORROR. and trust me, you don't want to see that.
and then ge jie and wenny jie just started asking me all these questions about what happened and why my handphone rang and when I had turned it on. and so I said "yes" to everything they asked because I didn't really know what they were talking about. I was just staring at their expressions of ABJECT HORROR. And then ge-jie said I could try cancelling the booking. and she said they still loved me. at that moment I felt as if that congealed mess was going to fly up my throat and onto the floor. together with this morning's brownies and the sandwich my mom made. and then we hugged. and I went home. palpitating. yeah. I could hear the blood pumping in my ears (however cliched that sounded) and I got this foggy thing in my eyes. something like a caffeine high kind of foggy thing. bleargh.
so that's it. the story of my first booking in five years. regret and trauma and ABJECT HORROR. I thought I'd forgotten that sinking feeling already (come on, it was five years) but just now I was sadly reminded again. whee. But I guess ge jie and wenny jie were even more traumatised.
the following is a seriously boring bit about principle. I have kindly turned it white so those people who don't want to read it don't have to. highlight to read:
hey I'm not going to hate you guys or go all childish on you for doing what you have to do. It was entirely my fault and well, I just have to face the consequences of my carelessness. I broke a school rule, full stop. It's a matter of principle, yarh? like I always say. Of course I'll learn from it, yeah, and there won't be a next time, I hope. don't feel bad about anything, okay? my fault my fault. sorry sorry sorry. you guys are really sweet people. Okay so if my handphone rang and there was nobody around, I wouldn't have been so gung-ho as to turn myself in and ask for a booking. but you guys were there so yeah, in simple words, I deserved it. I still love you people as much as before. or even more. yeah. make that even more.
Just wanted to tell you guys one last thing: yeah it was traumatizing, but the thing that got me the most traumatized were the looks of ABJECT HORROR and disappointment in your faces. If I just got booked by some other prefect, honestly it would have been different. yeah because at that very moment I have to admit there was something other than that sinking feeling that I felt, and that no words in my vocabulary could describe.
maybe I should learn Czechoslovakian. Yeah. or hindi.
well, I guess this is one of the more serious blog entries I've written. bleh. I'm starting to get dreary. dreeeeaaary. wh00.
or as an afterthought, maybe it didn't happen. maybe I was hit by a narcoleptic attack while talking to wenny-jie and they both dragged me to the sick bay (wherever that is) and when I woke up supremely traumatized my mom took me home. and I dreamed the whole thing. could be possible.
ah well.
Not really in the mood to blog any more. just completely blinked out from writing so much. am so tired from lack of sleep.
ooh. umn. just want to post a little shoutout to a certain someone: kangya you made my day this morning. I missed you during the two week break and that little chat with you just made things better. hahas sorry I didn't try to guess who you were- I had some kind of inkling of who you were but you don't normally come from that direction, do you? ahaha. ^^ well, just... thanks dear. arh. can't say I make very good company though. all tired and bleary and sleepy. yups I LOVE YOU DEAR.
umn... natty tai I HOPE you're all right now dear. didn't mean to hurt you. seriously. I still love you. I really REALLY REALLY still love you.
damien and ele I love you too!! you have NO IDEA how much I miss you two. even though I see damien almost every day. but just talking to you guys and all can make me feel nostalgic about q. nostalgic and proud that I was from q. not some other class. but q. arh. and our advertising campaign [Q?] at the end of the year was cool, wasn't it? quite proud of it.
viv and lynette!!! arrgh you guys' names just HAVE TO go together. hahas. (: so cute you two. well have nothing much to say just hope hope hope you stay happy and smiley like I'll always remember you two as. ^^ -huggles-
okay. I'm officially bushed. go to sleep.
when my sister comes home I'll probably tell her about what happened. hahas am anticipating a crazed reaction. dear girl has never been booked in eleven years. never never never never never ever. never never ever. neeeever. neveeeeer. neverrrrrr.
wh00ps.
out
sine
crashed the landspeeder Monday, March 29, 2004 04:54 p.m.
arh... my cello is currently being repaired. again. whee. It'll be back around tuesday, but until then... sayonara
ooh spent the day sms-ing ge-jie again. bleh. there goes my sms count thingy whatever. just face it. there are TWO days left. and there were days that I DIDN'T sms anyone. my free sms count and incidentally the limit that mom set for me is 360. that's around 12 sms-es a day. it can't be that bad, can it? 12 is an awfully large number. oh well.
elearning week is just THREE HOURS away from its horrifying demise!! bleh. I simply cannot wait to get back to school. ahhh I'm thinking of all the people I'm going to HUG when I get back. Okay so I've hugged quite a few people in the past week but IT DOESN'T COUNT, okay? elearning sucks. one week holed-up in a little room slaving away at a HUUUGE PILE of homework while increase in myopia levels reach an all-time high. for the more active individuals i.e. most of the elearning population, returning to school for various time-consuming-normal-school-day activities is part and parcel of THE ONE WEEK OF PURE UTTER TORTURE, resulting in schizophrenic tendancies and severe hair-loss.
ooh and I have a new mantra/pledge/speech thingy:
I, sine, hereby proclaim to the rest of the world that I am NOT a nocturnal animal, and will NOT ever be. I will NOT force myself to engage in any nocturnal activity besides SLEEPING in BED. No late-night homework sessions, sms-ing, singing or reading will be allowed. Nocturnal activity is bad for me. It causes narcoleptic tendancies that not only embarrass me but are not good for my general welfare. Falling down on an mrt train because I fell asleep is NOT A GOOD THING. I might not have done that the last time but there is ALWAYS A POSSIBILITY THAT I MIGHT. and what will happen? with luck, I might escape the severe head concussion but severe internal bleeding might occur. I might suddenly find myself reduced to retarded, whiny vegetable, unable to do a single thing by myself. Oh wait I am ALREADY a retarded, whiny vegetable unable to do a single thing by myself. I forgot. excuse me. From today on i will try my utmost to SLEEP LIKE A NORMAL PERSON so that I WILL NOT FALL ASLEEP DURING SCHOOL HOURS and I will be able to PAY ATTENTION IN CLASS. amen.
bleh. Don't your HQs just go shooting STRAIGHT UP when you come to my blog? mine does. ooh I think the BRIGHT ORANGE did the trick. heard that damien, it's BRIGHT ORANGE, not yellow. ahaha. your waddle ego is undesirable as well. whee.
I find it much quieter around here now that I've put the password on. ahahahaha. finally. P.E.A.C.E. dont know if it's a good thing though.
miss you SO MUCH ele! just LOVED TALKING TO YOU. and you too damien. and mishy. and ym. and yz. and claire. and lyss. and renee. and zix. and melly. and tingting [tingting sounds so CUTE! can I call you that? hahas]. and EVERYONE! ooh ge jie viv lynette joanna kangya jiejie mae jie (or aunty sumae ^^) all the ld ppl. arhhh. love you guys LOVE EVERYONE TOO!! must hug all of you.
bleh. am feeling so sentimental.
guojun, somehow I feel so much more alive reading your blog. You're just so passionate about what you do. I admire you for that you know.
argh. I WANT TO SLEEP. NOW!
ooh if you drop by, PLEASE LEAVE A NOTE! it's encouraging to know how many people drop by. yups.
out
sine
crashed the landspeeder Sunday, March 28, 2004 09:00 p.m.
ahhh. how refreshing. the page is orange. hahas. grey to orange. I PROMISE I'll try to make a green one the next time. hahas. (: but it doesn't look to bad, does it? especially with ewan's face. hahas. just joking.
I have to admit I was stifling myself with all that pseudo-arty-farty-ness of the past few layouts. ooh they were nice. they had an oomph but once in a while you need a BRIGHT ORANGE LAYOUT!! to keep the happiness quotient in order. yups. there it is my dears. HQ. there is IQ, there is EQ, but the most important thing is....... HQ!!! hahas. if I were a psychologist that'd be the first thing i'd introduce. hq. I'd make lots of money, I bet. hahas. so many people have imbalanced HQs. (:
arrh. am quite pissed with my piano teacher now. I mean, since when did grades become the only thing important in music? aren't you supposed to enjoy music, instead of being so sick of it because you had to learn a whole book of grade six scales by rote? where is that energy that used to be in learning music?
no wonder I love my cello more. hahas.
ooh I think my mom is REALLY excited about baking those brownies for her sunday school kids. yups in case you didn't know she teaches the ten year olds. hahas. If I were her I'd have quit on the first week. they sound like absolute terrors. okay but that's beside the point. my mom bought the brownie batter and all that and was meaning to wake up reeeally early tomorrow to bake a trayful, but I think she's given up on that and is baking them now because they smell... so... good.... *goes woozy*
I'm addicted to chocolate too. caffeine. yoghurt. chocolate. wow. just looking at the brownies on the cover of the brownie batter box (b.b.b.) makes me hungry. again. and that was after lunch. bleh. how come the brownies smell like cinammon? wh00ps. trick of my nose.
erm....
out
sine
crashed the landspeeder Saturday, March 27, 2004 10:38 p.m.