_vital.statistics_
:name: ???
:age: 17 as of
now...
:occupation: poet?
artist?
_likes_
:listens to: incubus, perfect
circle, goo goo dolls, foo fighters, the calling, lifehouse, garbage,
silverchair, nirvana, sting, gackt, malice mizer, pierrot, dir en grey
:reads: neil gaiman,
anne rice, guy gavriel kay, paulo coelho
:favorite movies: the matrix,
devil’s advocate, girl interrupted, ringu, lotr
:favorite ps/pc games: ff series,
vagrant story, diablo2
_hobbies_
writing,
reading, sketching, playing video games, soccer, basketball
_websites_+dreamer18+ringworld+MATRIX
_dislikes_
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...but then, no one can really draw a line between sane and insane, you have to change the border when you think it's right- because no one else can... though I found out soon enough that the one that's insane is the world...
-Vincent Valentine
{Mirror} | |
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This is my
new blog- with a new and improved layout….I don’t really know anything
thing about html so, I juct downloaded a layout- cool ya? So, currently
there will be nothing here (have to consult my friend…AISSA!!!!
HeLp!!!
diorama got my fever down, then weighed it up, and i know the sounds remaining won't strain the silt from my eyes bleach the green from the pastures, feast on the grey of the night, straight from the vines refusal to shine you're my favorite thing- the one that i love you're the one so i'd die for your love blind the deafened moon, stimulate the tombs of angels i'll open my heart won't fall apart don't fall apart you're my favorite thing and i feel like letting go.... i picked up diorama, the silverchair album i've been eyeing for the longest time, yes! it's cool, i like it, even though their style changed yet AGAIN...but that's the thing about silverchair, they've never maintained a steady style, they're always changing and that's cool.. aside from silverchair, i got the josh groban cd *shrugs* i know, doesn't sound like me...but, i just had to get it when i chanced upon his remake of the song 'vincent' on mtv...love his voice. the albums pretty good too, if you wanna go for something slow and relaxing...yes, i'm into relaxing music by the way...*grits teeth* ok, so i'm turning into a sap...hehe...i think he's gay though... anyway, i'll get off the topic on gay men *smirk* my christmas break has been fun so far...eat, sleep, drink, telebabad, writing, reading, updating your neglected blog...y'know all the good things in life that you don't get to do when there's classes.. so far, i've posted up two new poems i was thinking about writing about a social issue, like the us and iraq war thing, terrorism or some social issue afflicting the youth nowadays...like? i dunno yet, lotza issues i wanna talk about- violence, materialism, affects of media on us, stuff like that but i wanna present em in a deep way, symbols and all but something that's viewer-friendly, something people would get right away...hmmm...need to think more on it then. ha! which reminds me, i haven't worked on any of my other subjects yet...feh! >:P that can wait..i hope.. ugh! and my birthday's just around the corner! >_< don't have any definite plans- in fact, i don't have any idea whatsoever what i'd like to do aside from inviting my friends over for a sleepover and watching ring1, 2 and 0...well, that's some place to start...should i take em out? where? a mall? yes, that would be ok...now, where? and what would we do in the mall? *sigh* hay yayay...yowza! >.< random rants first my grades. ain't doing well there- never done well there...possibly coz my priorities are screwed but anyway...i'm not doing so well in math and zoology, we had a long test in math before the break and i think i flunked it bad *shurgs* i spent all my time studying for the zoology long test...oh well, at least i can drop the math long test though i have to get high in the next ones else i'm dead- i've got to pass more quizzes too *sweatdrop* i suck at math...i truly suck at math... second my prob with my parents...well...i don't want speak or think about it...maybe some other time... third i miss all my friends- from college from my high-school ;_; i could give you a whole run-down even! ;_; ate lar, ge, joni, sherdoll, sev, carla, ate ria, missy, doranne, jen, dane, coach, nina, denny, cris, karla, laura, kate, noelle, jeffer, aissa, yanka, itchy, maan, adi, toni, ther, denma...and the list goes on...i miss kuya johnny, steve and victor too... fourth thing bugging me- soccer, i need to get better of the break i gotta practice coz i want to win it for em :P so i have to get better for em...things seem so much easier when you do them with purpose, when you do something for someone, things just get easier somehow and you don't think how tired you are and how hard it is coz you're having fun. i think that's the way all things should be no matter how distasteful, we have to find meaning to it to make it enjoyable. *smirk* gee...if only things were as easy as saying em- life would be so much easier... christmas break and other nonsensical rants... >:D ha! it's finally christmas break! yahoo! *shrugs* I'm really hyper now coz I just wanna get outta school and party. I watched the ring again yesterday- went out with dane and his cousin from australia- twas fun. We ate at chili's before heading for the movie house. I'm never gonna look at photographs the same way ever again *shudder* o_O god...the movie was really disturbing- it was scary in a subtle way...meaning that the movie wasn't that scary- you just freak yourself out with what you're imagining and shit. and as of now, i'm still trying to match up joni and dane >:D *evil grin* they're so bagay kaya! hehehehehehe..i think it's gettuing there though what else? i'm bored to death here in the school library freezing my ass off...apparently everybody was no show for this mornings soccer training- twas only me and joni :P bad trip so i'm stuck here at 8 in the morning waiting for my only class for the day, which is at 130 noon, argh..i hope i find someone to bug to make my wait more bearable. well...i did occur to me to go out but with what's left of my money...*shows empty wallet* ;_; yes, tis sad, i'm reduced to a lowly pauper... oh well, i'll be typing more in this neglected blog more often now that it's break time..and maybe even figure out how to work the html of this thing and add some life to it somehow...well, one can only hope... *chuckle* after 10 years... and yes...i'm back again with a vengence...i'm in the school library at the moment- logged in at yahoo groups, i'm the mod of the team's egroup, still can't figure out what color scheme... anyway, my life's been pretty lukewarm- meaning that i've had my share of goods and bads...but if you look at it optimistically, the bads become goods one way or the other. well, that's how i see it... lets see, the bads that i remember... ;_; moro...there was a kitten my friend ate lar took home- took him home to her dorm coz he was limping- something was wrong with his foot. i looked for the nearest vet in the area and we brought him there, they said he needed to be amputated o_O my initial reaction was "no way!" but then they said he'd die if they didn't- coz his leg was infected and was spreading althrougout his body. ate lar got sick that weekend (bad)had to be the one to take moro to get amputated, i dropped him off then went to my soccer game which we won (good) but then ate lar texted that moro might die even if they already amputated him coz the infection was really bad. when i got home from the game i couldn't stop thinking...about how death waits for no one- i mean it sounds stupid, silly...thinking about something like that just coz the stupid kitten that you just had to get attached to might die...was struggling for it's life- to live...and maybe it brought about a feeling of guiltiness at one point...he wanted to live, the kitten wanted to live when at one point i didn't. so, i slept, content i had my lesson for the day. the next day ate lar texts that moro died. i couldn't say anything, couldn't think of anything- one of those instances wherein you're too shocked and unbelieving... well, after that i got really sick which was a major pain in the ass...coz i was supposed to be preparing myself for the UAAP. my first game in it! so i wanted to be at my top...well, let's just say i didn't have time to train the way i wanted to train... coz we lost. but that was no biggie, i actually didn't feel bad like i sometimes do when we lose. i guess it's coz i tried my best that day. but even my best i don't know... you know how it is when you don't know how far you can go? don't know how high you can reach? actually, there is no limit- so there really isn't a limit to the best in me...i just get on the field telling myself, "ey dude, is this it? am i finally gonna see just how good i can really play?" and when i do play well, i surprise myself sometimes but afterwards say "no, this can't be my best, i can do much more- i'm better than this..." i drive myself to become better than my best because my best is not my best- it's not a definite thing. anyways ive got another game coming up- this wednesday, and as always and as expected- i'll fight and never say die oh and i went home for the night only this weekend, so i wasn't to talk to aissa on the phone...dude, if you happen to read this- i'll call within the week *scratches head* i kinda miss talking to you, i don't know why and i don't even remember the last time we spoke (parang ang tagal na dude..) anyways, till next time around nothing much... i'm feeling relatively better compared to yesterday...a whole lot better, except that i think i twisted my ankle a bit during practice and it hurts a bit >:P kinda sucks coz it might affect my performance in the game tomorrow... gah! >.< which made me remember that she might not play in the game tomorrow- argh...darn it just when i was seeing her practically the whole week...*shrugs* guess i have to play even better since she ain't around :p and aissa if you're reading this (...you're the only one who reads this- coz you're the only one who knows about it...) anyway, you know who i'm talking about- i found out what her course is by the way- she's in BS Management...and aside from being in the soccer team, she's in the track team as well...and i was wondering why she ran so fast.. i watched girl interrupted last night- borrowed the vcd from my friend, angelina jolie is such a hottie, wynona too :D though i fell off my bed at one scene when wynona was smoking...she looked like ***** at that part- well, with short cropped hair that is- aside from that i think they got more or less the same features- especially their eyes... i'm not coming home again this weekend- which is good i guess, since i got a shitload of papers due..."when will they ever stop coming?" i wonder... *sigh* anyways speaking of which i need to start on one right now...till next time i guess... long time... haven't written here for a while...feeling kinda down...almost broke down yesterday- somehow, i was so frustrated with everything around me, stuff just came in and i couldn't hack it- luckily i was in school and i couldn't go to anyone for help...so yeah, i didn't breakdown- i live for another day. there's just no one to talk to around here about what's goin inside my head- i feel trapped...depressed...but then again people only become depressed when they allow themselves to be depressed... *knocks some sense into self* you're bein silly again...you can still go on... ... crap...i'm talking to myself again. but i don't know what's gonna happen when i've almost had a breakdown 3 times this week alone...god...what's happening to me? this isn't me...rather this is the old me...where did it come from? i thought i had it long gone and ditched. it's still here...waiting to be let out... dammit! i don't need that right now! damn, damn, damn...i can't fall not now of all times... the worst possible scenario would be: me dropping outta college in my first year, during the first sem. me smoking...taking pot, having casual sex and throwing my life away- cutting classes left and right without a worry in the world. i could become annorexic again- i could quit the soccer team become a fucked up little shithead- dead to the world. but that's my problem isn't it? i'm dead inside...i'm messed up coz i don't know if what i felt for *** was real or was i dellusional? but if it isn't real then why is it that i'm hurting so much? why does it hurt so much- letting her go? forgetting her? god i'm so sick of this...breaking again and again. i just feel like crying...crying till the tears don't come anymore...worse though is that, i'll remember everytime i cry who held me through it all and that makes it even more painful... i miss you kuya... nightmare I'm listening to that song by Eric Clapton (yeah... i know...old stuff...but to hell with it...) ...you would think my love was really something good, if i could change the world... lyrics along that line and stuff...a tad bit wishful, but I don't matter at all do I? and that kinda sux...when you care so much it hurts but the person just doesn't care at all... well, when it comes to that point in life, i guess the only thing left to do, is move on and drop it, to hell with the feelings you have right? coz they hold no importance, no meaning, no place in this fucked up dimension. So it's...Goodbye, Nice to know you...as Brandon Boyd would put it. and damn you, damn it all... *throws a pillow at cpu* ...sux life sux...i know it...and i'll be a brat about it *sarcastic smirk* as much as a brat Lestat was. I'll scream and scream and wonder as he did if God was really listening...turned out in the end that God really was listening...for he sent Memnoch to Lestat... ... Which reminds me of the disturbing dream I had the other night...I was alone in my room, the lights were out except for a single dim yellow light peeking from a slightly open door. I sat up from bed to walk towards it, i kept on walking and walking but i never reached it...then suddenly i heard evil malicious voices and i felt the darkness around me grow bigger, though i knew not how the already vast darkness could become bigger than it already was. I just knew with dead certainty that the presence in the room with me was evil, frighteningly evil. And the scary part of it was that I knew it was a dream, I wanted to wake up but I couldn't wake up. But I think I closed my eyes in that dream and when I opened them again, their were tiny hands, infant hands before me, and they were bloodied and pink. I heard babies crying eerily... a voice in my head said they were babies that had been aborted...murdered...and i felt sick, i felt like throwing up...wanted to scream and wake up, wish the images that were invading my mind to go away and stop. I still remember the dream and it gets me sick in the stomach till now...I don't like talking about it, in fact I've never mentioned it to anyone at all...well I don't even know where that dream came from...just know that it's one of the things that sickens me the most. Abortion, how humans can become so inhumanly cruel and inflict that kind of treatment on another living being...it makes me sick down to the very last bone... ... things have been really hectic around here (as if the past few months haven't been?) i'm beat. dead tired. but still happy though...it's a nice kinda feeling...i saw my friends yesterday, janine and froggy, we met up after class. I hadn't seen froggy for the longest time...around 4 or 5 months i think...and it was good to see her actually. and i realized how too alike we were (except for the hair that is...*smirk*) after talking for a while we both realized we were both chewing gum...then we realized we were both wearing buddha bracelets...then the same color of pants...then other certain things...*shrugs* it's funny how we never got along before till recently *sighs* i guess we both matured and got over it. my mom texted me too yesterday and asked how i was doing coz i seemed down last sunday...i told her nothing was wrong with me, was ok...but then after i sent, i began to wonder how ok i really was. but, i'm ok right? i've got nothing to be depressed about, my life's fine as far as i can tell. well, if there is something bugging me that i don't know just yet...i've never asked help from anyone...i'm too proud...don't wanna ask, coz i think i canm always do it on my own. My independency is a sickness from which my stubborn will dictates. I like being alone- it ain't as bad as it seems... *thinks* ok...so there is something bugging me...now that i think about it...relationships...why i don't want to get into one...i don't want to depend on someone else, i don't wanna get too attached, i don't want to risk getting too close. *smirk* amusing how i'd risk anything except that...well, maybe coz i know what it's like is why i don't take that risk. When you don't know what's in line/ what's at stake, it's easier to just go head-on. there's this guy i kinda liked early this sem and he did like me too. things went well for a while but he never said anything, so i wasn't sure. few months later, it's like he dropped outta the picture, not talking to me or anything and he was always with this other blockmate of mine...so i lay off...it was kinda confusing...but then i realized too that i didn't like him in the way he liked me... it was different, he was just a friend. nothing more, nothing less. thing is lately he's been talking to me again...and when i was with my friends yesterday he was with me too- when he said goodbye he shocked me by kissing me on the forehead...in front of my friends, what the hell would they think? my friends didn't say anything though but i still felt like hitting him and asking him what the hell do you want? first you drop out of the picture then you come back thinking that you can just waltz in and kiss me on the forehead anytime you want...you're too assuming mister... gah... >:P ... we're gonna be goin against the national team...the guys team, we're soooooo screwed...i've got lots due again this week and the next, and the next...*sigh* things are getting more hectic by the moment *shrugs* as i always say: there's no rest for the wicked...*evil chuckle* i'm goin surfing around for tests to take...really bored...  Take the Rurouni Kenshin Quiz by xceres. 
What type of Bishounen are you? Find out at artificial-soul.net by Rin. 
 I'm just watching a bad dream I'd never wake up from. Find out what anime bad boy you are.  Nuts-O Angel Find out what anime villan you are.
You're Van Fanel!
Find out Which Escaflowne character you are.
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