...but then, no one can really draw a line
between sane and insane, you have to change the border when you think it's
right- because no one else can... though I found out soon enough that the
one that's insane is the world... -Vincent Valentine {MIRROR}
+++ rAnTs +++
_old
entries_
08.08.02-12.20.02
musings there really isn't anything much to say... and i am not supposed to be awake this early in the morning... You are red. You are impure, but noble. You are precious and true to yourself and others. When you love, you love entirely, and will do anything to make your love happy. You are sure of your identity, therefore, you cannot change others or be changed. You are a true prince, you may be forgotten, but without you, none of us could go on. What inner color are you? ok..so it's been a while... finally...updates
feb 12 wednesday 2:21 pm
haven't posted in a while...things have been goin swelll latelly i guess :P i've got a futsal tournament later, 7-10 pm :D ha! time to kick ass! so i am here hoping to waste some time away...
so far in my oh so mundane life...
christian wants to talk to me tomorrow about something...which i think i know about what....anyway...i'll say no coz i obviously don't like him like that ahem...i mentioned the reasons in one of my older entries i think...
current thoughts that bug me:
love and lust. they're two completely different things- lust is when you want someone in the physical sense, love being- you love the person for who they are. and i don't see why, people lust before they love and call it love. that they look for people because they are pleasing to the senses, is sad...ok not to degrade the whole i like him, he's cute, that's normal...but you know? it's not fulfilling...
i can't see why people have to judge others by the way they look- theres a lot more than just looks- take me as an example: i look athletic, i dress like a punk girl and i could literally kick a guys ass in soccer (i'm not bragging ok...) well, anyway, my point is, that men don't like girls who are stronger than them...who can beat em and kick their ass in soccer...they like girls with long hair, who put on make-up etc etc.
why is society so....ok, i forgot the word...nevermind...but you know, it's structured, striated (ah, there, i remembered afterall...) and media sucks...they put meaning into words, wrong meaning into words and the concepts that come with the words.
take love for an example- when people on t.v. say "let's make love." they mean let's get it on, let's have sex. but sex isn't love! just because you have sex with someone doesn't mean you love the person. sometimes when people just have sex, they only see a person as a thing. so basically the phrase "let's make love." degrades the whole meaning of the word love. which is sad...coz love is deeper and more than just having sex...
and the word lovers...that's another term misused by media. when someone tells you that those two are lovers...one automatically thinks that they make love- which means that they have sex together...when the term could also mean, two people who love each other...and i am correct :d coz according to the merriam webster dictionary...
lov·er [noun]
1 a : a person in love; b plural : two persons in love with each other
2 : an affectionate or benevolent friend
3 : DEVOTEE
4 a : PARAMOUR b : a person with whom one has sexual relations
but how do people come up with definition of words? it's injected into society by media (its the medias fault i tell you! media!) LOL anyway, my brain's on an overload and i have to go...coz i'm hungry...yes..so what else is new? *smirk*
and yes, heres THE song:
Come What May
~Ewan MacGregor/Nicole Kidman
Never knew I could feel like this
Like I've never seen the sky before
I want to vanish inside your kiss
Every day I love more and more
Listen to my heart, can you hear it sings
Telling me to give you everything
Seasons may change, winter to spring
But I love you until the end of time
Come what may
Come what may
I will love you until my dying day
Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place
Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace
Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste
It all revolves around you
And there's no mountain too high
No river too wide
Sing out this song and I'll be there by your side
Storm clouds may gather
And stars may collide
But I love you until the end of time
Come what may
Come what may
I will love you until my dying day
Oh, come what may, come what may
I will love you, I will love you
Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place
Come what may
Come what may
I will love you until my dying day
and dazzit, till next adios dudes.
friday, february 7 03
except that i am failing three subjects in school...gah...zoology, math and...english...well, in zoo, i think i'm doing well now since ive been getting high...math welllll....hehe...english i haven't been submitting homeworks coz my stupid seatmate keeps on forgetting to tell me we have homework argh...like this morning, he goes, "ey did you get my text last night regarding the homework?" NooooOooooOooo...tell me this isn't happening...this isn't happening...
then the team dinner tonight...i'm not goin because my parents have asserted their PARENTAL AUTHORITY on me an so i cannot go. i really really really really want to go...oh well, i'll go drinking some other time then...
that life would go so well at one point then leave you in the dumps the next is trully not fair @_@
...but hey at least war hasn't come yet right?
ok, i better shut up about the whole war thing before i jinx the whole of mankind. just was thinking about it, since my teacher in english sent an email about poet's protest againt the war. was thinking of joining that campaign, all i have to do is write an anti-poem war and send it to them by feb 12 :P i haven't exactly put my thoughts and ideas into words yet, but i'll end up with a decent enough peom by that time, or so i hope.
gah...
i've got you. my ever dependable intersection friend...who brings the noise where ever she goes...LOL and so everything is fine again :D but, kinda wish that there were more people who understood the whole thing gah >.< life's already hard enough as it is...well, you can't have everything right? make do with what you have i guess :P
am still kinda worried about my english and math :P zoology not so much since i consulted the teacher and she said i've pulled my F to a C+ *smirk* so am i good or what? heh, thats 3 grades higher :d just need to work on my english and math...gah...work harder...
and the UAAP season is about to end- we've got our last game on the 16th against UP- whom we're tied with in last place at the moment, we beat them and we're fourth place :d and that's ok i guess, coz i don't want to finish last, i've never finished last my entire life, it's my pride we're talking about, and i owe the upperclassmen that much at least not to finish last, my inability to score goals and all...better luck next year.
and the futsal season is gonna start, we're having a tourney on the 12th- wednesday next week, 7-10 in the evening. indoor soccer rocks too :P i've never played in futsal till yesterday, when we demonstrated in coaches PE class :P i played from 1-5 hehehe, we creamed the first class for the womens: 20-0, the next class which was for men: 4-0 LOL and the highlight was that i played goalie for a time- made a couple of good saves :d pays to have fast reflexes :D
and other than flunking 3 subjects and writing a poem and my soccer season turning out not so so well... ;_;
i love you...
saturday, february 1 03 at around 9 to 11 am
ok i'm reading the script for our english play *kneels down and prays* thank you god, thank you god...they didn't massacre my story concept like i thought they would :D my friend dino wrote it so it turned ok *goes back to reading the script* ...LOL he made tweedle-dee and tweedle-dum dobby and smeagle LOL *pauses midway her laughter* waaaiiit a minute...i think i'm playing one of em...oh crap....DINO!!!!!
listening to the moon album, trying to get used to the songs- i still like gackt's first album mars...this one's a bit too pop-rock, is ok but i want the old gackt back....
*gives a sigh of relief* ok just finished reading the script i am NOT smeagle or dobby...i'm one of the queen's thugs whew! and *turns up the volume* thankfully gackt's latest album has retained his ingenuity with the musical arrangements, still the genius as ever...shit, he's good...
ha! i have no school on monday, i love my school :D ha! never thought i'd say that about my school but, i yeah, i love my school- i'm proud to be an eagle. gonna have a game on sunday *shrugs* and whatever happens happens right? win or lose, it's the school we choose...i'll fight fight fight coz those 10 other people on the field with me are depending on me to keep the numbers high. if this season the numbers have been low, it's only because of my inability to score :T i'm not doin my job as i should be, i'm a forward, my main purpose is to score, which hasn't been happening...ok, so maybe i've already gone over this before...but i can't stop thinking that way- i think that way because i wanna push myself for them- for my teammates...and i play my best coz i've got you and i know you're backing me up the whole 90 minutes of the game...*smirk* even if you hate the sport like hell...*chuckle*
and about christian...i'm not sure about my feelings...i'm thinking i may not like him or love him...it's like what they'd say to young teenagers like myself- i may just be in love with being in love. been feeling this for a while now, just had to let it out :P so, there. i am not in love with him, neither do i like him- i like him as a friend but that's it...and i have to figure out how to get out- i want out >_<
he's the suffocating type- he sticks to me like bubblegum o_O he's even there in my training at 530 am gawd...thing is, i just do NOT like being cornered- i want space, i start rebelling if i'm not given enough breathing space. i get eXtReMeLy ANNOYED :F you have no idea how it gets at me, being trapped, wings clipped- i'm a wanderer, a vagabond- the vagrant and i have no bonds which hold me. i go and do whatever i choose.
oh and i'm a prince :P
and that ends my entry for the day LOL till next 'dios
+++the vAgRaNt
Wednesday, January 29, 2003, 03:08 p.m.
yes, yes, i'm alive LOL contrary to what you people think...i just haven't had time to go online and post a decent entry :P hectic college life and all :P i have an important announcement to make: i passed my math long test WOO-HOO!!! i got my advisory marks a week ago or something LOL and i'm flunking math, so you can see now why i am extremely happy now :P though i have midterms on friday...have to start studying when i get home.
whats been happening the past few weeks? firstly, i had my birthday :P my friends, good people they are, threw a surprise party- *gathers everyone into a big bear hug* love you guys, thanks lotz, had the best birthday ever :D
then i had another surprise coz christian showed up too and he gave me a shirt that had my name in elvish, and he baked me a mango cheesecake...which my two cousins finished overnight LOL inevitable i guess *smirk*
then, we lost our games, vs UST 4-1 (i scored the 1, so i am content at the moment) and against lasalle, 3-0 o_O i know, major massacre huh? the teams down, basically coz we trained real hard for the lasalle game, we lost it, we got two players out (the goalie got kneed (?) in the throat then landed the wrong way- twisting her left ankle-- so she was out, the sub goalie was no good so two got past her.
i was in a slump when i got home- you know the feeling when you're giving your evrything but not everyone feels the same way? it's hard to keep playing like that, but you realize after a while that not evryone will love the sport the way you do. i'm playing because i love what i do, i'm not out to win- well, i am out to win but it's to win for my teammates- the upperclassmen...who are leaving in but a few months ;_; god...can't imagine what it'll be like without em...gonna miss carla most, since she's the one i'm closest to...argh...don't wanna think about it. i'll just focus on the game this weekend, to play the best i am capable of giving on that day and that will hopefully be enough.
was thinking too a while ago...about how much i've changed...i used to be so angas and depressed and angry at the world, now, i'm just...here- content with whatever life has to bring, realized i haven't been this happy or this at peace in a long time...in fact i can't even remember a time i felt this good. and when i'm with you, things are at a standstill, like i could stay there with you and not realize how much time has passed by but still feel ok. i don't need words when i'm with you, you being there is enough. it's when i'm with you that i'm happiest, it's a nice kinda feeling and i miss you already...
anyway, here's a song for you:
Angel
~Sarah McLachlan
Spend all your time waiting
for that second chance
for a break that would make it okay
there's always one reason
to feel not good enough
and it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
oh beautiful release
memory seeps from my veins
let me be empty
and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight
in the arms of an angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
you a` re pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort there
so tired of the straight line
and everywhere you turn
there's vultures and thieves at your back
and the storm keeps on twisting
you keep on building the lie
that you make up for all that you lack
it don't make no difference
escaping one last time
it's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees
in the arms of an angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort there
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort here
and an old entry dated some time in january 12 '03 LOL better late than never ayt?
ok, it's official, i'm a sap, i cried in crouching tiger hidden dragon. i had to do a movie review on it for my english class, so i had to watch it again. i didn't cry like a baby, i teared a bit- but that counts as crying i guess *smirk*
i'm adding it to my favorite movies, speaking of moives i'm watching two towers later with my cousins, gonna get home late but i hardly get to go out with em anyway. so i guess it'll be fun-
been thinking, how things can be fun but they're more fun when you share it with someone...just thinking...things have more meaning when you share it with someone and how you want to share what you see with the person *chuckle* if i could video cam everything i saw and felt and hand it to the person that would be cool.
life's complicated, i just realized it again- people make things difficult, life is really simple but we make it difficult. like, how you try explaining things to people and they don't get you, they take it the wrong way and they think you're weird and categorize you into one of the many socio types of society..sucks doesn't it? that people are segregated into types now- ditz, nerd, rocker, goth, jock etc. why can't we be left as we are? i'm me and you're you, there, that ends the segregation process. maybe it's cause people want to feel that they understand the person- if they brand the person as a type, they feel they can easily get the person...the problem is when the person doesn't fit in any category...
the person becomes weird. and people are afraid of that- not being accepted in society, so they assume a type to blend in with the rest of the benchmark society- society's screwed, did i mention that already? no? well, it is. instead of people being accepted for who they are, they have to find a socio type in order to be accepted. harsh, if you tell me.
kids like us nowadays are so pressured to fit in- well, why not not fit in?
Friday, January 10, 2003, 09:28 p.m.
and so the first week of school has passed by...and it wasn't that bad, except that i had a hard time remembering where my classes were and plus my blog (this one) was screwing up so, i had to revamp the whole thing- i fixed it, so yey for me :P
my mom's on the phone talking to her friend who came back from states, i have a strange feeling it's gonna be a while till i can have my turn at the phone- sorry ka na lang aissa LOL listening to the mixed cd i made, it's full of utada songs, hikari- the one from the kingdom hearts ost, i like the game- real cute.
been thinking ever since a while ago, what if i join RP? was thinking about it coz coach was outta the country- in japan, for some soccer conference thing. so coach freddy filled in for him, he's also one of the coaches for the national team, he asked if i'd like to train with the team. i kinda got shocked, coz the last time they offered me was third year high school, i played better then and them offering me now just got my spirits back up that i'm getting my old soccer skills back..my long dormant soccer skills...
my kicks are improving, speed, endurance and the ball control too- hehe, can't wait to show off on the 18th- first game versus UST, i owe em big time *smirk* plus aissa and toni are watching...yup, it's time to show off *grin*
then, christian appeared again...well, he dissappeared for a while, busy sched and all. he's fine, though he might be shipped off to military school, if he passes the entrance exams. he's great as a friend but...i don't know, am kinda confused regarding him, i'll think about it some other time perhaps.
and regarding our play in english, we decided to do a deconstruction of alice in wonderland, the setting is modern and we're planning to change/add some parts into the story but i think it'll be fine, i'm just worried about the actors- not a lotta people volunteered ugh :P
other than that, life's been pretty dandy, i feel better about myself for some reason i don't but i do comprehend...nice how you think about how one person can give you strength without doing anything or trying to- you take comfort in the other person's presence..nice too to think about how much more you strive to better at things and become a better person...
i'm finding it easier to smile nowadays...
Are you a Seme or Uke?
last few moments before school
Sunday, January 05, 2003, 03:58 p.m.
nice painting, huh? by vincent van gogh- "starry, starry night" found out from my cousin that the painting was the inspiration for the song "vincent" (scroll down for the lyrics...it's somewhere there..) heck, now i love the song even more :P
i've also fixed some stuff around here look!*points at tagboard* look! new links, mostly of my favorite music artists- i like the perfect circle one the best, and check out the santana one for the covers of his cd covers, real funky...and other random stuff i managed to fixed- thanks to aissa btw for the tagboard :D i'm so illiterate in html *smirk* it's a wonder i fixed anything at all
schools tomorrow and i still haven't done anything for school *grins* what a model student i'd make...only best thing about tomorrow is soccer- i get to play after so long, i'm itching to play already, arrrrrr...
i don't really feel like typing anything here as you've noticed (time spent in front of the computer deciphering html...ugh) so i'll just take quizzes :D till next time..and may that be soon
Which Utena girl are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Which Utena guy are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
 Kuzuki Kakyou You're Kakyou, meaning you look remarkably feline in appearance, and are very very uke. You're generally very angsty in behavior, almost disgustingly so, and despite your depressed features, you still manage to attract a lot of attention to yourself. A master at weaving dreamscapes, and seeing into the future inside them, you're a very important part of your social circle. But you need to stop moping so much over your lost "special" person. Take the "Which Dragon Of Earth Are You!" test! by Maduin & Kira |
last entry for the year
Tuesday, December 31, 2002, 11:30 a.m.
and so we come to the end of another year...funny how look back at everything that's happened so far and say "hey! that was me? i did that?" seems that you're always looking back on someone elses life only in the end realizing it was yourself you were viewing..and how very different you are from where you started out.
i don't know, it's weird, i've always liked New Years
better than Christmas, no offense but i think Christmas is overrated and
sides only christians really celebrate Christmas right? coz it's a
christian holiday or something wherein they celebrate the coming of
Christ. Well, how about the other people who aren't christians? They can't
fully relate to the joy that holiday brings as well as
christians.
New Years at least is universal, everone celebrates it-
symbolizing hope, coz it's the coming of something new, something unknown
and you feel that the coming year is laid down in a platter for you to
make whatever you will with it- it gives you the power, rather it reminds
you of the power you hold over your fate. which would be summed up in the
much abused word of all times- freedom.
but, heck, enough of that,
here's a new year poem post for all you people out there
A quarter moon rising,
Ferreted by harsh
concaves,
Unduly hanging on the precipice of something unfound,
Hear
a clamor of drums,
A syncopation of voices rising in multitude,
And in awe, stare at the stippled fire-lit sky,
It's pinpricks of
flame crying out,
Before pieces of heaven gather to hide their
slander.
i wrote this one a couple of night's ago, i'm
getting my writer's itch again, thus my writer's block is lifted...i'm
actually pretty surprised and very, very pleased that the words are coming
now. was worried for awhile.
turns out all i needed was a little
bit of happiness, get's anybody working again i guess. i feel a lot better
than i have in ages and thank you again dear :)
anyways i'll wrap
up the year's final post with quiz...
How seme are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
o_O oh god...ok...laugh it up aissa...
so much
for being the underdog...
LOL *shrugs* oh well...i'll leave it at
that
And Happy New Year folks, may we all start out strong and keep on
going for the stars. Cheers to all things beautiful, drink, eat and be
merry.
+dream+hope+live+
Sunday, December 29, 2002,
07:19 p.m.
Which Saiyuki boy are you?
Take the Saiyuki Quiz at anime-doll.com
lyrics
Sunday, December 29,
2002, 01:30 p.m.
this ones a remake...i dig the lyrics for some
odd reason though...
Vincent (Starry, Starry
Night)
~Josh Groban
Starry, starry night
Paint your
palette blue and grey
Look out on a summer's day
With eyes that
know the darkness in my soul
Shadows on the hills
Sketch the trees
and daffodils
Catch the breeze and the winter chills
In colours on
the snowy linen land
Now I understand
What you tried to say to
me
And how you suffered for your sanity
And how you tried to set
them free
They would not listen
They did not know how
Perhaps
they'll listen now
Starry, starry night
Flaming flowers that
brightly blaze
Swirling clouds and violet haze
Reflect in
Vincent's eyes of china blue
Colours changing hue
Morning fields
of amber grain
Weathered faces lined in pain
Are soothed beneath
the artists' loving hand
Now I understand
What you tried to
say to me
And how you suffered for your sanity
And how you tried
to set them free
They would not listen
They did not know how
Perhaps they'll listen now
For they could not love you
But
still your love was true
And when no hope was left inside
On that
starry, starry night
You took your life as lovers often do
But I
could have told you Vincent
This world was never meant for one as
beautiful as you
Like the strangers that you've met
The ragged
men in ragged clothes
The silver thorn of bloody rose
Lie crushed
and broken on the virgin snow
Now I think I know
What you
tried to say to me
And how you suffered for your sanity
And how
you tried to set them free
They would not listen
They're not
listening still
Perhaps they never will...