After giving it much a thought, I’ve decided to blog my last piece here and maybe move to somewhere else. Hence, I’m presenting my vivid, lengthy paragraphs.

I am hereby announcing that I’ll be officially ignoring and then close down my Friendster account. That was where it all started, you and I, wasn’t it? Talk about it brings memories. It was sweet back then, but not anymore now.

Pitas, too, have been the place where I express myself since Nov 2004. It’s where I rant all my anger, jotting down all my thoughts in my very-broken-English back then. Pitas have also been the witness to my love life that took place and bloomed soon after, all the way until it all ended. I used to say that I will definitely not close down this blog or even move; I used to think that having archives for all my entries is good, so that probably in future (when I grow older), I’ll just laugh at the way I blogged, the kind of English I used, and how silly I sound like in those entries. But now, I have to take back my words.

Pitas have indeed held too many memories, bitter or sweet. And if I really want to move on, I have to learn to let loose. Let go of the things that never want to be a part of me anymore. I know time heals everything. I know I can do this. I know I am strong. But sometimes, no matter how strong you are, there’s just some soft spot in you that will make you forever ponder on things that aren’t supposed to be thought about anymore.

Actually, I can talk about that incident to any Tom, Dick & Harry now – without shedding anymore tears. At least, that’s some kind of improvement, don’t you think? I’m no longer acting like a widow who had just lost her husband in a plane crash or something. Know what I’m saying? I can now take it easy, like it had never happened.

I have wonderful friends out there who always without fail try their best not to talk about my past whenever they are with me. They are the same friends who keep calling me every now and then just to make sure that I won’t be bored or feel handicapped, ensure that I won’t be doing stupid things, ensure that I’m happy always. See, if they can make such a huge effort just to make me move on, I should also do my part and make some sacrifice to move on too, right?

Nobody knows what He (Allah Maha Besar) has got in store for each and everyone of us. Things happened for a reason and maybe in future, I’ll get to know and truly fathom why all these had happened to me. Yes, it was a big blow. Never mind about all the dreams and promises that have gone down the drain. I don’t think they would matter to me now, anyway. Whether or not we’re destined to be together, I’ll willingly accept it.

It’s been two weeks now, and still counting; I am getting so used to this, getting the hang of it. I think, so far, I’ve done a great job. I deserve a pat on my shoulder.

As to what I’m going to say to my mother whenever she raises this issue again, not to worry, because I’ll still spare her the details. On the other hand, I’ll let her read my behavior and make her guess from there.

My life has been such a hit blockbuster movie, don’t you think? It’s a well-written script with well-versed actress, injecting some comedy, tragedy and action-packed scenarios to all the viewers.

I don’t want to be sympathized on. I don’t want to be labelled as someone who is still pining onto hopes that can never guarantee the future. I don’t want to shed anymore tears. I don’t want to be stressful of things that I should no longer be. I don’t want to lose anymore weight. I just want to live my life like I used to. Free of worries.

There.

I think I’ve finally said everything in here.

Farewell, nonya_slack, my 4 year-old pseudonym. You’ve been a good listening ear all these years.

If I ever decided to blog again, it’ll be at a different pseudonym and at a different host. Pitas can no longer create/take in new accounts now. And that sucks – how and where can I practice my HTML and javascript now. Heh.

Take care everyone. Sayonara.

Tomorrow’s Saturday, like finally. Emancipate. They say I should. Am looking forward for trial theory test tomorrow. Might probably be loitering around Singapore after that. With my digicam and my new love, pink Samsung F480. New panorama mode. Excited. I'm not planning to bring my brolly along. Hopefully it won’t be a rainy day, or I’ll get soaked and my make up will be smudged. Cute? Always. Hahahha. I’ll try. And maybe pretend.

******
A friend of mine asked me,
"Eh, I forgot. You're the eldest in your family, right?"
"What?! NO!! I'm the youngest and the cutest! Remember, CUTEST!"
"HAHAHAHHAHAAAA!!!!"

I just have to emphasise the word cutest; just to make sure this fellow got the message, and stop asking me the same question every time we meet. =)

Merry Christmas to all those who celebrate the season.

had red bull punch last night. got hyper. am still very hyper. maybe overdosed? i thought i was flying with wings. hahahaha. laughed and laughed like the kookabura, like nobody's business. my eyes are tired, and i'm having migraines, but i am still wide awake. it's a half-day at work today, and i don't know if i should go home straight to sleep, or go to somewhere else just to chill. interesting photos will be uploaded soon - maybe later. we'll see what i'll do when i get home later. i've become so ironic. i have many things to blog about, but somehow, at times i feel it's best not to jot them down.

i'm tired.

of work.
and simply everything else.
i'm feeling frustrated sometimes, having to please everyone. tired ok.

tired of bottling them up.

****

Updated at 1232hours:
Ya Allah, aku tak tahu sama-ada apa yang aku lakukan ini adalah suatu perkara yang betul ataupun tidak. Berikanlah aku petunjuk-mu, Ya Allah, supaya aku tidak akan kesal di kemudian hari. Amin.

i hate to say this, but i think i've lost the 1kg that i've gained months back. i realised this only after my cousin teased me by saying, "Zizie, makan lebih-lebih sikit ehhh" at his wedding dais just now. it's so funny. and i love the live malay orchestral band, playin/singing lagu joget melayu asli. did i tell you that my arwah (paternal) atok [we called him Tok (Ah)Mad] and his brothers could play those musical instruments too? chehh! musically inclined or what? hahahah.

Zizie, you've got to eat more.

B1-B2. Bananas In Pyjamas. Lol.
Anyway, Hidayah have certainly made me addicted to this song, when I sang a duet on this song with her.

Berdua Lebih Baik - Acha Septriasa

Pause my music ninja first. :)

12.30pm. Bendemeer Mall bus-stop. "Sorry, I’m late". SMS. 12.40pm. Youth Park. Paragon. M1 Shop. Customer Service. Change number. Upgrade line. Change to Corporate Plan. Samsung F480. 5 megapixels. Pink. Lucky Plaza. Lucky Prata. Maggi Prata. Mango Lassi. Milo Godzilla. Kway Teow. Marsala Thosai. Mee Hoon Goreng. Murtaba Mutton. Ming Arcade. Cash Studio. SMS. Jesnita. Eject. Hanya Memuji. Don’t Speak. "Zie, apasal kau nyanyi lagu-lagu 'gini?". SMS. Bizarre Love Triangle. SMS. Umbrella. Kryptonite. Here Without You. Torn. Drive. Hey Jude. It’s My Life. Teratai Di Tasik Madu. Senggol-senggolan. SMS. Blackout/power failure. Coke spilled. Jatuh Cinta Lagi. Ada Apa Dengan Cinta. Dekat Pada Mu. Videos. Photos. Balik Kampung. Eject. Demi Masa. Eject. Broadcast SMS. Bangladeshi wrong number-prank call. Toys R’ Us. McDonald’s. Blackcurrent tea. Filet O’ Fish meal. Kesian. Trip to the Zoo plan. "Nah, amek ni teapot bawak balik!". Cabbed. Human traffic. Lamp posts. Decorative lights. Boon Keng MRT Station. Goodbyes. "WOI MAKANAN MINUMAN KORANG!". U-turn(ed). Collect food. Home sweet home. Test new number.

my brother wants to get his own PSP slim, just so that he can race with his darling sister in a car racing game. and he die-die wants this sister of his to help him to buy it (with his own money, of course) as soon as possible. now i'll have to recall specifically where i got mine from. i know i got mine at AMK, but hahahaha, i'll try my best to recall. rabak punye abang. tapi takpe, sayang punya pasal. mesti ada senyuummm. =)

Zizie, just do it. Nike rocks my socks. :) To everyone else, yes this is my depressing period and I am still sad, and trying my very best to overcome this handicapped feeling. But I'm thankful that I have all of your concern and support to help me get up from a fall. Just talk to me as per norm, make me laugh, and I'll feel alright, insyaAllah. That's my promise to myself and to all of you. :)

Now enjoy the video I found. Pause my music ninja first.

Umbrella - Rihanna Reggae Pop Cover

My mama has started asking me with a few indirect questions.

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Today's Friday. Gonna go to M1 shop later to change number/upgrade my plan. =)

Had a cup of hot White Choc Mocha with Whipped Cream at Starbuck's last night. With a good company. Thank you babe. I went straight up to Eden, and never want to come back. Hahhaha. Not until you remind me there's the Little Nyonya show to catch. Basically, I'm high on caffeine, still am. And my father bought thosai/prata for supper and gosh, I am truly satisfied.
It's the big Pay-Day today. I am not in the mood to work right now because I am busy calculating and writing down a list of what I should get my hands on. I am even thinking of sacrificing my lunch just so that I can spend time shopping! Impulsive retail therapy it will be.
Oh, yes. Remember I blogged about me taking part in the iZest contest?

I saw my name! I saw my name! :D
Will be meeting another 2 babes after work for another round of short shopping spree! Really impulsive.
To my childhood friend and gf,
Am looking forward for Saturday! :) :)

All the drama finally ended at 36th hour. Although the outcome is not something that I wanted, I realized that there’s no way seeing myself clinging onto something that seems to want to escape from my clutches. Yes, I am disappointed. Yes, I’m heartbroken. And there are still some things that I don’t understand. But there isn’t any hope, it’s meaningless, and I simply can’t force you. At the end of the day, I have to put up a huge white flag, wave it, and admit defeat. After all, your mind is already made up. You’ve got what you want now. We’re friends. Best friends. And you’re free now to seek what you’ve wanted. Honestly, things are not going to be the same, period. I have to tell myself and bear in mind that I am not to look at those photographs we took from 2004 till date - in an album that I’ve managed to compile. Yes, I managed to compile them. Those were the photos that I always referred to whenever I miss you in the past. And it was something that I thought of presenting to you when the right time comes. But for now, I’ll just let it sit there, in a corner of my room, covered and eaten up by dust. I don’t know what He has got in store for me. But I guess I have to take it slow; I’ve got to go with the flow. I have to slowly pick up all the broken pieces of my life first. I promise myself that I won’t be sad after this, even though I’ve got scary self-producing tears. For now, I can only foresee the changes that are going to incur in me – most of which are things that I can’t control. But its okay, it doesn’t matter. Everything’s going to be alright. I’ll just grit my teeth, and bite my lips and walk down the road not taken. And I’d also promised myself that after this entry, there’ll be sappy entries on this same issue no more. Thank you to my lovelies; you know who you are - for being there when I really need you. Y’all are my superheroes at this moment of time. And I chose (not to tell just anyone) to share with only 3 of you about this issue. I’m glad that I did that. The lesser people know (the details), the better.

I wish I’ll just fall sick and get MC somehow, so that I don’t have to embarrass myself like this, showing everyone how fugly I look like crying and wailing like one abandoned child. Right now, I’m pretending to not entertain any glares or weird brow-raising looks from my colleagues and others whom I do not know. I thought I had poured out my remaining 85% burden in my chest today. Well, maybe I did - at least 50%. But still, it didn’t work. I still don’t see any light at the other end of the tunnel.

I am seriously considering moving to wordpress. Still contemplating.

i think i've managed to somehow let out 15-20% of the burden in my chest today. have approximately 85% more to go.

it is difficult to cope. but i'm still hanging on. you told me to "pergi mati arh!" out of anger. i played my part too by bombarding you with all the vulgarities that i've longed refrained myself from saying. i didn't mean it when i said in the previous post that "i'll just go and jump down". alhamdulilah, my iman is still intact. i still can't get over it though. i'm struggling hard to take it off my mind every now and then. every little things that exists in my surrounding just reminds me of you, and us. good quesion, what am i to say if my mom suddenly asks about you? no idea. my mind is blank. at the moment, in this small cosy house of mine, i have no room for me to cry out loud. i had to swallow all the tears in me and put up a brave front. maybe i can be an excellent actress, but it's tough. i can't possibly cry and whine to my mother. why? i am just not someone who will do that. i don't want her to hate you for hurting her daughter. because when she hates someone, it's really the end of the world. i don't want that to happen. can't you see? why, i still wonder, do you have to push me out of the comfort zone, and left me in such a denial state? im confused. from friends to lovers. and then to downgrade from lovers to friends. 6 months (or more). you see, there isn't any sense of certainty. so do i deserve to be blamed for not having faith and trust on this? and there's just a strong line of differences drawn between platonic love and being in a relationship. there's also a big difference between a cool-off period and breakup. and of course, the way the message is supposed to be delivered. *sigh* im exhausted. and still emotionally wrecked. for now, only prayers can be my guide.

208 weeks + 10 days. It all ended. Though those were'nt your exact words. But from the way you said it. I am assuming that it's the end within that life span.

It was supposed to be a romantic day spent at Marina Barrage, but ironically, it turned out to be a nerve breakdown day. You claimed that you’ve already discussed with your mom about this, before you broke the announcement to me. Yeah. Surely she’ll agree and stood behind you – she didn’t know the 100% truth. Do you think she’ll agree to this if she finds out the real truth? And what makes you think we could easily become closest and best of friends? I can’t accept it. I can’t take that. Do you think this will simply solve the issue?

I’m feeling down and upset, and it’s killing me inside. There are currently too many negative thoughts that I can’t help but have. Maybe I really deserve this?

Don’t pity me. I don’t need your sympathy.

So don’t come to me in MSN to chat/irritate/crack a joke. I don’t need all that except for words of comfort.

I’ll just go jump down and die. It seems that there’s nothing for me to live for. Foolish I know. I can’t help but think I was so dumb from the start, you see. Emotionally unstablised.

the dinner with two babes @ Breeks.




And guess what? I bumped into Mr Santhosa Kumar at Boon Keng MRT Station after that! Hahhahahaha. He must have felt so old, seeing his P6 student (graduated in 1999) now so grown up!

It's been a very busy week - ever since I came back from my MC and the long Hari Raya Haji weekend - indeed. Time have been passing by so quickly that I think I do not need to go for a 10km run/walk. The pace that I've been going through at work is like a hella roller-coaster already larh. Heart beats like a drum like I'm falling in love for the first time. Hahahha. Fall in love with that kind of work pace? Nonsense.

Anyway, I really, really want to get this item here. I always get back pain and I know the actual reason behind it. It's the chair humptydumpty ordered for me. I don't care what others will want to say if I were to get this back supporting thingy. Hahahah. Can call me Robocop or Policewoman or say that I'm like wearing a corset all you want. I just want my back to be painless and not hunch. :) Hahhaha. Oh, I saw this contest on yerteday's Mind Your Body Issue. Say, if I got the correct answer, I'll get to win this iZest product. Hopefully I'll get it, so that I can save the cost. :)

Oh yes. Remember how I used to say that I don't really like Facebook? Hhahaha. I still dont really like it lah. But thanks to it that I'll be meeting my Primary/Secondary school friends (Estee & Syasya). Dinner at Breeks @ Marina Square. Great. I'll be there early for sure, as today's a Friday and I end at 5pm on Fridays. :) Shopping alone for 1.5 hours then Estee's joining me for 0.5 hour. After that we'll meet Syasya and together we'll become the Powerpuff Girls! Nyahahah. Ok, lame. There'll be lotsa pictures, I hope. :) Have a good day everyone.

Boo hoo! It's back to work tomorrow! :( I'm charging my PSP after I installed new games. Hahahha. Am going to be addicted to the new game for awhile now. See ya.

I went to run some errands this morning, thanks to the boyf's company. It's late morning; the sun is standing at almost 90 degrees high and is scorching hot. But it's quite a nice timing. There was hardly any crowd, and we're the first customers to step into the first shop we went. :) Thank you B, for the great company, even for a short while.

*** Do you know something? I did something crappy. As usual, the boyf is involved as a volunteer in his nearby mosque with the Aidiladha festival. This year, being the most mentel-est girlf ever, I asked him to do something silly:
Me: "B, later you must snap a picture of the cute kambings and send to me ok?"
Him: "Huh? For what?"
Me: "Coz I want to look at the gambar at night, so that I can tidur nyenyak" *insert cheeky face*
Him: o_O"

And I thought he would not grant me my wish. But he did. (Maybe if he won't grant it if I had asked for someone else's photo.) Hehehehe.

Alright. I did some research with the help of Google search engine, on the differences between Korban and Aqiqah.

"Korban is defined as an animal that is slaughtered on Hari Raya Aidil Adha and days of Tasyrik, and signified syukur or gratitude upon the comfort given by Allah SWT.

Meanwhile, aqiqah is the act of slaughtering an animal to celebrate the birth of a newborn to show the parents' gratitude and joy to Allah the Almighty for the blessings being bestowed upon them.

As what is already known, the act of Korban is done within a determined time, but, aqiqah can be conducted within the whole year round."

- Refer to the reliable source here.
Interesting. :)

Eh, want to know something? When I was about to open my softcopy minutes word document from my thumbdrive, my lappy's antivirus detected some Trojan (KNS!). And all the files were gone, because my antivirus deleted (shifted them into Virus Chest) the malicious files. So yes, I was devastated and thought that I had to typed everything from scratch, based on my memory and the recorded audio (in my handphone, but there are some portions that I can't really decipher what the hell the people were talking, because they sound like they were whispering!) - Because my work documents are all gone. In which I did, and was trying real hard to pay close attention to those "killing me softly whispers". Later, after I scanned my whole thumbdrive system, I realized that I can actually still access the so-called "missing folders" by just going to Tools --> Folder Options --> View --> Advance Settings --> Hidden files and folders --> Show hidden files and folders.

Panicked for nothing,right? Kanchiong spider! And screw those office PCs and the viruses!

I need more dresses and skirts and maybe shoes.

It's only December and I'm thinking what I should get for myself for my birthday next year, when I am supposed to be stressed over what to get for the boyf this New Year eve.

Am watching ANTM Cycle 11 over on youtube right now. Oh this is how much I love spending my whole day at home. :)

Will be meeting the boyf tomorrow morning, yay! Remind me to bring the digicam, please. But of course, I should pack my stuff early if I don't want to be forgetful, right?



Okay, end of random whatsnots entry. :) Have a great day everyone!

Since I’m at home and I’ve got plenty of time,
please be glad that I’m blogging more than never. Hahhaha.
I’m am sick and feeling sleepy; yet I’m also feeling hungry. Was that the effect of the prescribed antibiotics or does that mean I am going through another round of puberty? LOL. I like it though, because that means my appetite is not at all affected and that I will not lose anymore weight.

B, I miss you.

3 Dec 08:
I was on leave that Wednesday. Off I went for my test during late morning, and then met up with the boyf for a super hot date. We just spent a quality time together starting a simple lunch date, shopping, movie date and then dinner date. That’s quite a lot of dates within one day. Not to forget the small little gifts/memento we got for each other. Not that costly, yet useful. Hahhaha. It's our first Malay movie date together (we watched Muallaf - another film directed by Yasmin Ahmad).



48. Finally we’ve reached that mark. =)

4 Dec 08:
It’s back to work, but I don’t feel quite good. I’ve got a bad flu with sore throat, which made my eyes look even smaller than the ‘sepet’ term. Went to the Walk-In Clinic after my official knock-off time, and was given an MC for the next day. Reached home, feeling drowsy. Washed up, had my dinner and medicine, and I think I fell asleep at 8.30pm.

5 Dec 08:
Slept soundly I must say. I woke up at 9am, feeling hungry. Washed up, had my breakfast and popped those medicinal pills prescribed to me, but I still feel sleepy. Maybe it’s true what they say – lack of sleep will eventually drain you out, and of course, your immune system will deteriorate. I hope I'll feel better soon. I want to go for a hair trim probably tomorrow. And on Sunday, I need to run some errands, accompanied by the boyf.

I seriously think humptydupmty is having her menopause. She have been pulling such a long and black face since yesterday, and (like as though I care) wasn't really talking. Not just to me, but to all the department as well as to our neighbouring departmental staffs. I mean, how can she befriend people only whenever she feel like it? Hah. Whatever la eh, as long as you don't give me a hard time. But really, looking at her face makes me want to go run to the toilet and poop. Hahhaha. Because she have this contagious poop-face. Muka taik. You know? Oh well, you may say that I sound so mean, hahaha, but seriously, she was so proud about the fact that she actually poked her fingers into her anus just because she was having constipation (and she's even telling everyone about it!). I'm like, help~ why am I stuck in this place with such a disgusting people. Ewwww.
=P