  
|
 |
"Jill makes anything funny! Even nuerotoxicity!" -Mom
Went camping today. It was fun ;p Drove up and then back down with Grant. He's so fun to just talk to and stuff. We have alot in common so it's fun to just talk...mm anyway--talking is nice. I wish I could find someone to love that I can just talk to. I think the friendship aspect of a relationship is so important...aaaand we're done XD
anyhoo--
Also watched What Lies Beneath with my mom and Mike--it was...just kinda creepy. The plot was lacking. And I was kinda confused alot. But I'm dumb--so whatever.
-Jill
i want to break your heart/and give you mine
Here, more of my shitty poetry. If you can get through another one of these without vomiting, I salute you. (and your stomach of steel)
they say
i'd be happy
am i not hoping hard enough?
i'd be happy
< < <>
i'm tired of falling
unrequited (it's tearing into me)
Today: Bobby came back. (He actually came back yesterday but I wasn't home much.) Drove around playing Corners with him, Erin, and the Bromileys. Brook got vicious and ended up stabbing himself with my bracelet. (sucka.) Bobby drove through a few soccer fields. THAT was fun. Especially since there were soccer games currently going ON.
Then Sheena, Rachel, Grant, Amy, Tim, and I all went to Sharis and didn't really do anything. Old people hit on Grant--we got delayed--and I came home late. No worries--my dog didn't bark when I came home an hour past curfew.
Yesterday: Got up at about 10:30 so I could eat lunch with Erin at SCHOOL. Bleah. Did my two hours worth then went to Grant's house. Grant, Tim, some horney girl who kept making fun of my bra, and I watched Blade 2. It was...meh. It was ok. Too many special effects--the story was lacking. But what can I say? It was a vampire movie. Then we..er...oh yeah. Tim, Grant and I went to China Buffet. Then we went back to Grant's and watched FY--which put them to sleep >:o so i went home for an hour and let Grant nap--came back and we went and threw AOL cd's in the road and watched cars run over them...(it's more fun than it sounds...trust me)
We went back to my house and watched Kong Pow. We all ended up falling asleep and Grant woke up at 2am or so. Tim thought it was freaky that I smelled Grant's hair. Even though I smell everyone's hair--and pet people's hair. Because it's fun to play with. Stupid Tim what does he know? XD
Tomorrow: Unsure? Probably nothing. It happens. Nothing. Nothing happens! GET IT? *badum-CHH* Oh well, I work tomorrow...woo-hoo...
So anyhoo--spark? -sigh- i don't know...
-Hilo
I don't really have much to say today. ...Except I think I'm a horrible person--but we've always known as much. Nu I chto?
They played Robot at Summer Breeze! It rocked so much! ;D -knew all the words..danced crazily- I was stared at..AHAHAHAH!!! But the DJ people said they "were totally feeling that song" and they burned my cd and I think they're gonna play it more..I HOPE ;.;! Tatu rules ;D
Bah...Kong Pow is the funniest movie ever...NYEAAAH..nyeaaaheheheh...god my sister is stupid. -watches her flap her arms to Tatu- -sigh-
-Hilo
I knew you as a child
I lost you then
5 years later - it's 1997
5 years later - it's 2002
the conversations shorter
i've tried to save you
©Hilo '02
It just happened
Yay for OC stuff ;p It happened...it's over...until next time I have to see them! MUAKE! Altho I don't think they like me o_O...because not very many of them seemed like it..and a few wouldn't really pay attention..-sigh- 13 hours of training wasted.
Summer Breeze was tonight. It was ok. I pretty much hung out with Nick the whole time. He's so cute ^.^/ And his hair is soft. and he GREW! he's taller than me now! >_< -whap- Oh and I don't think Sonja and I are friends anymore O_o...
SOOO anyhoo...I've been feeling so empty and unloved lately, it sucks. -sigh- I need a great boyfriend. I need to pick a college man up ;D! -grin- or my marine man from CT ;___;...who stopped emailing me..I'm such a loser. -__-
-Jill
-cries- Nuriko died! -buries face in pillow sobbing- he DIED. dead....HE DIED...-sob- I can't handle these kind of things...main characters don't die....favorite character's don't die...-punches pillow...and Yui...in the face- fucking bitch...this past is the PAST...Miaka's stupid...you of all people should know this...she obviously didn't know you were in PAIN....>______< THIS IS YOUR FAULT! oh and get this, the title of the episode was "Nuriko...The Eternal Farewell" -___-...@&*#$^%&!!!
DEATH SUCKS............ -sits teary eyed watching Fushigi Yuugi-
-Hilo
give and give
get used to it
©Jill '02
thank you fellow wawa staff for completely crushing my once uncrushable spirit within 2 and a half days. ;D
except for erin larson! you are so cute! tell me an erin story! (and then it went pppshhhh)
-cough- AAAAAND we're done. or as kari says "aaaaand you're dumb. shuttup." it's not as cool ;D
so yearbook workshop camp thing royally sucked this year. which was an utter letdown -hums radiohead- because last year was much fun. I was so excited for this year and it was ...just...SHITTY. There were a FEW incidences where I was actually being acknowledged as a person and it wasn't agonizingly depressing. ...-_______-;;
ugh, enough speaking of this! ENOUGH! I cried! MUCHLY. -frown- the pms wasn't helping, either.
I really don't have anything to talk about. I'm at erin's right now wrapped in fragments of white cotton sheets (i was doing my virgin mary impression) and pieces are falling off and i'm getting hot. and sleepy. even though I have had ALOT of sugar and caffeine...WOO JUNK FOOD MOVIE NIGHT!
- - -Heelow/Jeelly
"You couldn't have gotten horney without me." -Bobby
PS: I GOT A CUTE HAT!!!!!11 It's blue and kind of a beany but it has EARS! -hugs it close- it looks cute with my hair too! -runs about- IT'S GOOD TO BE HOOOOOMEEEEEE.
That there
In a little while
Strobe lights and blown speakers
©Radiohead - "How to Disappear Completely"
Today has got to be one of the worst days of my life. I won't go into all the details. But a few key words: rejection, pissed off mother, fight, tears, "ungrateful whore" (thanks lauren... love ya too ;D), ex-friends, hate, yearning for death, betrayal.....and cookies. (mmm cookies). It just...it's just horrible....
AND CERTAIN PEOPLE AREN'T HELPING. I know you didn't know--but it's no excuse to be an asshole. You dish it out, learn to take it. and learn to take a joke--jesus christ.
anyway---so fuck.. I wish I were dead. That'd be nice. Currently I can't think of much to live for. I'm too big of a pussy to kill myself, plus I think it's just stupid....but oh well. I still feel worthless and useless and unloved.
-Jill
The Bob came back the very next day...
BOBBY HATH RETURNED! ....only until monday! ;_; which sucks....but bobby! we love bobby! BOBBY LIVES! -cough- ^^; ET CETERA!
Sooo he called me today at like 2 and I was still sleeping cause Sonja and I didn't sleep until 8 or 9am or so...and I was like, "nngngn...whaaaat?" and he goes, "JILL ARE YOU SLEEPING?" and then I made more noises and then "of course not..." Laughter. Then we were talking about how he got fired. and some other stuff and like ten minutes into the conversation he goes, "oh yeah! i'm in TOWN!" >O DAMN YOU THOMAS! -shakes fist at- "BOBBBYYYY-->O!" ^^;; so then he said we'd do something after I got off work...^^;
I hope the Bromileys get back tomorrow so we can all do something! =D That'd be cool--it'd be like...the old...NOT gang...but--my better friends of the gang that were never really apart of The Gang but I liked better anyway and were friends with some of The Gang -.-...or something. -shrug- The fellowship was disbanding when I popped in. Well, not WHEN. But that school year was when three of the major players graduated and one moved. BAH! Bah to the movers...who do they think they are? Just...moving away. ;_; Not like I cared anymore...by the end of Freshman year I was so scarred and frightened of Travis I was ill--but that's another story. (moral of THAT story? Boys are assholes.)
I forgot what I was talking about--ah..haha...AHHAH..AHAHAHHAHA!!! yeah. mm...-clears throat- i wish nate would move to WA XD! I really think we could get alone -cough-livetogether-cough-
OH and I found out Lydia and Dom are getting married. Talk about "EWE". (love ya Brandon Bromiley XD) I am so disturbed on sooo many levels X_____X That is just...EUGH...REPULSIVE BEYOND ALL REASON! -sob- i'm sooo scarrreeeddd!!!
So anyway--Bobby, Sonja, Brandon Floyd, Marshall, Erin, Scott and I all went to Sharis--where else? Sheena called at like 10:30 and was like, "what are you doing? let's do something!" and i was like, "i'm at sharis" and she goes, "whaaaaa? that's where we are!" and then she walked by our window--it was WEIRRIRIIRDDDDD...(not really--cause we're regulars there XD..-whistle-) Sooo yeah, that was cool. I got much coffee--and a slice of pie. I haven't had pie in forever. But I'm really thirsty right now. -.-;;
I like Cheers! OK..i'm shutting up...XD
well, I think I really need sleep. it's 12:30 and I had work and only got like..2 hours of sleep..ok so like...3...>< day sleeperrrr ^_^ <3REM
God Save The Queen,
and how long would it take me to
walk across the united states all alone?
the west coast has been traumatized
and i think i'm the only one still alive
when the world caves in
whatcha gonna do?...for me?
I was thinking today about Bobby's phone call a few days ago...actually just thinking about Bobby and how my world really isn't the same with him in it.
We were playing DnD and Marshall wasn't sure what to do with Bobby's character, so Brandon's character (-growl-) turned him in for a bounty and he was executed.
At that point, it struck me finally that Bobby was out of my life. It struck a chord--somewhere--that he's not horrible friend...I'm just too god damned sentimental. I had always handled his harsh ways and abrupt personality with "he's a horrible friend". But he's not. Don't get me wrong, this entry isn't weepy and depressive--but reflective and ..."commemorative".
To Bobby...
Today's Rant Topic: Absentee Parents.
They both have the mentality and maturity of 11 year olds (maybe 12) and think that because they spawned me I should have respect and reverence for them. Scoff. Scoff. My father took off when I was eight (my eighth birthday to be exact.."HAPPY BIRTHDAY....BYE!") and my mother probably couldn't handle me living with her either. She already has her hands full with a lethargic 9 year old and a bird.
They don't buy my clothes, my food, chip in for my allowance, tell me they love me, or care whether I live or die--as long as my mom gets to put me on her tax returns. Don't even get me started on my bible-thumping, hipocritic, immature asshole dad...
So why should I respect them? Why should they have the power to tell me what and what not to do? An answer would be greatly appreciated, God.
They lie-low when I need something, and then when I have the audacity to want to do something fun with my friends they resurface and stamp a huge red VETO on it--probably just to piss me off. What little control they think they have is all aimed towards my mental withdrawl and decline..."as long as she's lonely and sitting at home in the dark writing bad things about us, she won't be out doing drugs and having sex and killing herself in drunken carwrecks that will cost us thousands in funeral home fees! Group hug, everyone! Oh Satan you shy bastard, get over here!"
I can't wait until I'm 18--I can't wait until I can fly from this place. I can't wait to get as far away as possible.
- -Hilo
i feel so small...
Are you weeping?
Is it closing time?
Are you looking for my hand?
Are the walls closing in?
And are you waiting for me to ride in with my crying shoulder
©Jill--Hilo--same person...
let down...
jealousy
your eyes
caught
©Hilo '02
ICK. I HATE bossy people. I ESPECIALLY HATE bossy people that have no justification for their bossiness! >_<;;
Today at work Kaitlyn called in because her sister's baby is dying and boo-hoo whatever, so I had to work two positions -_- (if you don't care, please disregard the following position task lists)
- -Position 7- -
- -position 10- -
WOOOO!! Ok i think that was unnecesary XD..oh well..ANYWAY..those are the two postions *I* was working *BY MYSELF* tonight! >< anyway...
so when Krystal (who was on postion 6..nevermind what 6 does...-hates it-) was loading the silverware to be washed, i was doing all the things above that are the last few items in each list. At this one point, as I was cleaning off a cart, she goes "you need to go over there and clear off that thing -point-" O___O SHE'S BEEN THERE A WEEK AND A FRIGGEN HALF!!! >____< she had been snapping at me all friggen day and I was SOO tired, and SOO hot and SOO sick and SOO PMS'ing I just...turned around and go, "exCUSE ME?" and she goes, "you, you're not doing anything...you're just standing around...go do that." -RAGE-
SO I go, "EXCUSE ME?! YOU? ME?! *I* am working TWO positions..and I DO NOT liked to be BOSSED AROUND by NEWBIES." and she goes, "well you aren't doing anything" and i go, "WHAT? I am working two postions and currently I'm cleaning a cart off for you. I suggest that if you want to leave, you just get the fuck out of here because your attitude blows, mam."
I probably could have been nicer and not mocked her south carolina accent as i pushed away the cart going, "reeelaaaaxxx"...but I don't care!!!! UGH....RAGE....HATE....KILL....BURN...SLAY....
on a lighter note--I saw i am sam...IT WAS SOO GOOD! -cried- XD! I loved it! Everyone go see it! ;_;
I had something else to say too....ohm yeah...my thumb really really hurts...lol. cause under the nail is all scabbed where it is all detached and shit, and today i broke it open when i was throwing candy at dustin out erin's moonroof...;__; -sob-
oh and YAY I GET TO GO SHOPPING TOMORROW! :D I chased my paycheck! w0ot! and a Pacsun just opened! YAY! And today erin, brandon (ICK ICK ICK ICK ICK), scott, dustin and I were there and erin and i went to pacsun and i got a hula guy for my car XD and I named it Antonio Banderas...cause it looks like him! O_O....and I picked out a CUTE CUTE shoulder backpack, shirt, and ring that i'm gonna go buy tomorrow! And I'll probably get that Volcom hoodie, paul frank pajama bottoms, and keychain ^^;;;...***YAY FOR SHOPPING***
-Hilo
ps: my friend told me that her friend told HER that ANTS can live in WATER for up to TWO days! -cry-
Subj: HIII
Hi, its Vampire-x
- - -
Subj: Re: HIII
I dont like reading online journals
- - -
At 02:11 AM 7/13/02 -0400, you wrote:
hey you! how you doing? i'm not so great, heh...you can read my online journal here: http://nwalmaer.pitas.com heh...uck....today sucked a lot. i couldn't find you on the palace either, so i just left--lol.
-y0
- - - Subj: Re: HIII
what?
At 06:59 PM 7/13/02 -0400, you wrote:
o_O;;.....
- - - Subj: Re: HIII
nah, I dont like reading what I write either lol.
At 02:35 AM 7/14/02 -0400, you wrote:
life is too short to be so self-involved
-y0
- - -
Subj: Re: HIII
lol, that's what my friend said.
i was, but i left, i was bored--lol...
-z0...y0
- - -
just seeing if you're actually reading this Ro you big jerkface you XD
-Hilo
I FEEL SO WRETCHED I COULD JUST DIE
WELL...there was this party I was supposed to go to with Grant...and I was at this other party (sam's party) and I was like, "I need a ride down into town at 9" and so we're heading down there and my friend's car like, dies.
SOOO we go back to the other girl's house and I call my friend I was meeting in town that was taking me to the party (Grant) and I was like, "this is terrible, I can't get a ride until 9:30" and he was like, "ok, well I'll meet you at k-mart at 9:30 or so"
...well, my ride was late so she didn't get us till 9:30 so I didn't get to kmart until 9:45 (wasn't TOO late) so I waited for half a fucking hour and no one showed up, called me or anything so I had to call erin's mom and have her take me home...now my grandma's all pissed off cause I wasn't supposed to be partying anyway and I was alone at kmart at 10 and she's all pissed off and we fought and I sobbed and it was fun.
oh and at work I ripped off my thumbnail and had to fill out like, a 50000 page accident report that belittled me and made me feel like a stupid, irresponsible clod.
WOO TODAY WAS GREAT!
-Hilo
I HATE BOYS. I HATE BOYS. I am SO tired of BOYS I could eat my own EARS and EYES so I never have to HEAR or SEE them EVER AGAIN.
i'm becoming a lesbian.
-___________-
SPARK? HELL YES.
TADAIMA!!! ^___^ New York was AWESOME...I sent out an email to a few lucky peoples...I'll use the same email for the first part and bold the new additions...because I don't think anyone wants to read the whole email all over again sifting through the same for the new...(you can thank me later)
"Flying into La Guardia was sooo amazing! The guy next to me on the plane was pointing out landmarks...he was like, "there's the Yankee Stadium *glow with pride*" I was like, "BOOO!!" haha well, in my head....and we got to see the...uhm..lots of bridges! and where the Worlds Fair was..and..some buildings and such...and then driving from La Guardia through the Bronks (broncks? bronqs? brawnqcks?BRONX? WHO SPELLS CITIES WITH X'S?!) and..that other place that is by them (Queens ;p)and into Fishkill (where we're staying) it was like..11pm over the George Washington bridge(?..maybe some other bridge...idk..there are like...50...)and got to see the New York skyline...^.^ it was sooo pretty...i mean, you hear about these things in movies and books and on the news...but when you see it in person (or from a car) it's a lot cooler...(for lack of better term).
We had dinner...at 12am! o_O and didn't get back to our hotel until 1:30am or so...FUN.
The first actual day (July 4th) there was a rehersal dinner/bbq/fireworks thing...(it's about a 2-hour drive into the city and then to WestPoint..where the wedding and stuff is going to take place)...the next day was the wedding....WOOHOO -__-;;...then a dance..but then Saturday we got to go INTO the city! YAY! ^__^ SHOPPING!
While we didn't do hardly any shopping (YAY FOR KINOKUNIYA!!!!!!11), we did a LOT of walking and a LOT of site-seeing (we were acting like SUCH tourists...necks craned at the towering buildings...oo'ing and aa'ing at the slightest attraction...). We got to see SO much in such a short time (7 hours). It'd be almost impossible to recall everything in its entirety...we'll breeze through it...NO DETAILS! Times Sqaure, Rockefeller Plaza, Madison Avenue, Broadway, The NBC Studios, New York Public Library, Saks Fifth Avenue, Statue of Liberty, Ground Zero, subways, The Trump Building, The UN, The multitudes of Bridges, Battery Park, Saint Paul(?) Cathedral *BEAUTIFUL*, uhhh....hobos. And some guy selling hats. I'm sure I've missed a ton of stuff--we saw so much! It was our "whirl-wind tour of NYC" as Andy called it...*loves Andy ^^*
Ahah--I also found myself a little Marine student XD XD...his name is Nate and he's soo cute and fun--smart, too! Too bad he lives in Jersey...;_; I'm in Love I tell you! LOVE! We danced together like..ALL night and he gave me his address and uhm--other stuff went on...we won't go into too many details...teHE *he has the cutest accent, too ^.^~!*
I guess that's all I can add for now--it wasn't too exciting until the city part came in...THAT was awesome...New York rules. BUT THE GOD DAMN HUMIDITY!
ANYhoo...
I actually have another comment to bring up.
- - -self pity start- - -
As much as I act like I didn't care that no one sent me a card for my birthday (christmas, either, for that matter...except lauren ^^)...not even a simple email (except lauren and pinpin)...the truth is...i DO care. A TON. Christmas time I sent out like...20 christmas cards. People's birthdays, I try and get them cards on time--or at least emails...even when I went to New York I got everyone who wanted one a postcard. And my mailbox is constantly empty. I did get a way cute sticker from Megan a few days before my birthday--even if it was unrelated--it was really uplifting to see that someone was thinking about me.
I try not to complain. As stupid as that may sound. But even for my RL friend's birthdays, I always get them nice gifts...and for mine? Two people got me something. Thanks Erin and Sonja.
I guess my point, if I have one, is that I'm tired of doing and doing and going to such great lengths to people who obviously don't care shit about me. Not even enough to send a sweet sixteen birthday email or card. It's just becoming apparent that I don't exactly exsist in some people's eyes. So I've decided to STOP the doing and the giving because I obviously don't gain anything from it. I know you aren't supposed to give to recieve, but there comes a time when it becomes utterly heartbreaking to see that you aren't worth shit to the very people you're breaking your own neck for.
whatever, I'm sure I'll get nasty comments and even more isolation from everyone...fuck it. see you all in hell.
Warmest Regards,
spark?...if i were braver--today definitely.
- - -self pity end (sorta)- - - |
p>
Heelow iz KEWL!
 My Birthday is marked! I adore Touma and other brainy guys!. Who do you adore?
Pinpin Blog!
jillyeatworld
SAVE MY EYES!
Survivor//Linda Spencer kiss my ass, deanna. jill wins. CLICK to dive deeper. |
