Narcissism

Tuesday, April 28, 2008

Orientation?!

If having a happy face can hide all the sadness that I am feeling
Then I will be very pleased with all the congratulations that I get
But this is not the case…
And it will never be…
Laughter can never replace the tears
And condolence sounds better than congratulations...

*better days *

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Monday, April 7, 2008

Tearjerker

I am staring at their web page then I read an announcement which made me realized that I missed it… I will never say that it was not meant for me for I duly believe that I very much deserve that slot... MY SLOT, which I think was unfortunately given to other individuals because I failed to confirm.

Missing it is not my fault… I put too much effort on that but my parents made me for go of the chance that I was dreaming to have since I was a kid. This is the second time that I let them do that and honestly, I hate it. I hate this day for it was only now that I realized how “oblivious” I was. I hate them for always making things go their way even though that was against my will. I hate myself for letting them control me.

I wanted to speak out. I wanted to persuade them... I want to do a lot of thing so that I can grab that opportunity but then it was too late, I think. I want to try talking to them… But I am actually afraid of starting. I do not even know how to start. I never did that before that’s why I don’t think I can stand up in front of them telling them everything that I wanted to say… Perhaps I’m afraid of the way that they will handle everything that I will be telling them (if I will have the courage to say that) or maybe I’m afraid that they will retaliate… I don’t really know.

I just hope that they will realize that when I reached 30 or so, looking back with regrets and frustrations to everything that have had happened to me is the last thing that I want to do. Also, I never even wanted to blame them for being so pushy so that I will do everything that they wanted. I know we can… No… Both of you can… But you’re just letting me know that you can’t so that I will not insist… And that’s very depressing.

____________

*Au, thanks for the info. But I don’t think I can use it after this. Sorry! But thanks a lot!

*Martin, Sorry! I'm very very sorry!

*Sith, I know I’m not telling you much stories lately but I really do appreciate your presence… Thanks for dropping by last friday. I really do appreciate that… and sorry for the call.

*Stef, Yup. I think it’s over.

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