yes sir, no sir

Yes sir, no sir
Where do I go sir
What do I do sir
What do I say

Yes sir, no sir
Where do I go sir
What do I do sir
How do I behave

Yes sir, no sir
Permission to speak sir
Permission to breathe sir
What do I say, how do I behave, what do I say

So you think that you’ve got ambition
Stop your dreaming and your idle wishing
You’re outside and there ain’t no admission
To our play
Pack up your ambition in your old kit bag
Soon you’ll be happy with a packet of fags
Chest out stomach in
Do what I say, do what I say
Yes right away

Yes sir, no sir
Where do I go sir
What do I do sir
What do I say

Yes sir, no sir
Permission to speak sir
Permission to breathe sir
What do I say, how do I behave, what do I say

Doesn’t matter who you are
You’re there and there you are Everything is in it’s place
Authority must be maintained
And then we know exactly where we are
Let them feel that they’re important to the cause
But let them know that they are fighting for their homes
Just be sure that they’re contributing their all
Give the scum a gun and make the bugger fight
And be sure to have deserters shot on sight
If he dies we’ll send a medal to his wife

Yes sir, no sir
Please let me die sir
I think this life is affecting my brain
Yes sir, no sir
Three bags full sir
What do I do sir, what do I say
What do I say, how do I behave, what do I say

listen: The Kinks - Yes Sir, No Sir! (1969)


Saturday, April 10, 2004
05:39 a.m.

the grief petal glitch

i shouldn't really bother about a black cat crossing my path. i was adviced on proper measurements when met with such occurences but i guess its nothing really that much of a thrill anymore. like it matters.

Saturday, April 10, 2004
05:26 a.m.

9-0-2-7

its a beautiful day to walk on puddles but i don't know if i should be out. the motorway seems like a good destination. record random conversations. conversations from random people. random machines. play mp3s on random mode. Hmmm....

Friday, April 9, 2004
05:27 p.m.

do the dramatic

I could get sick or turn blue with an overdose of too much you.
Were you there or can you just picture it?
Are you here for a drama show, show.
Do the dramatic.
I think you've got it.
You're really doing it.
Do the dramatic.


Friday, April 9, 2004
06:13 a.m.

behind the drapes

All of us now
Dent as we fall
Too amorous-like
We call out
Why are we so alone?
Even with company
If not then what
will we stay?
We're in the streetlight
All of us now
Breathe in like smoke
To know what it's like
Breathe in to choke
Every nine days
A smaller house
Try to escape forever
Why are we so alone?
Even with company
We are afraid
For each day
A striking distance
Why are we so alone?
Even with company
If not then what
Will we stay
We're in the streetlight
Why are we so alone?
Even with company
We ought to pray
For each day
A striking distance

listen: Mew-Behind The Drapes

Wednesday, April 7, 2004
02:39 a.m.

when

Doo do doo do doo do doo
Do doo do doo

When you come near to me
I go away
What is not clear for me
I go away
What is not here for me
I go away
I go away
I go away

Doo do doo do doo do doo
Do doo do doo

Doo do doo do doo do doo
Do doo do doo

listen: Vincent Gallo-When (WarpCD 87)

Monday, April 5, 2004
07:45 p.m.

retail therapy

oh! i want this too. thanks!

Friday, April 2, 2004
06:04 p.m.

click sex

i want this or this. thank you!

Thursday, April 1, 2004
01:58 a.m.

where art thou dearest?

the longest of sighs
how strange
how cruel
the times.


Wednesday, March 31, 2004
03:25 a.m.

crumbs

encode and decode. nothing saved. are we only here to face the past? there is no value when you talk too much.

Wednesday, March 31, 2004
01:46 a.m.

standards

cos you're a sick fuck with no thought of what will connect when you walk out the door when you say you want.

Wednesday, March 31, 2004
01:44 a.m.

GM memory

you woke up to screamings. to a messy house. noodles all over the kitchen floor. the sink was filled. toys strewn. out of cigarettes. only $2.20 in the pocket of your jeans with the thought of work looming and everything started to shrink to proportions smaller than a pea...but a few moments ago...the skies were bluest of blue. music was in the air. good friends and good food. everything seemed to trigger your curiosity. tingles. giggles and laughter. you felt confident. no signs of harm. no anxiety attacks. happy. pleased. valiant...but just when it starts to disintegrate...a mere child spits specks of gaiety licking open wounds. healing.

listen: Greg Davis - Arbor (Carpark)

Tuesday, March 30, 2004
12:08 p.m.

daddy/son relationship

my dad's a barber...only since the past few years. but he has been cutting my hair ever since i was a child. earlier...as he was trimming my hair, he asked..."You know...you have funny tastes in hairstyles...you dress weird...you behave weirdly...are you gay??"

i smirked...but my brother had to rub it in...he said..."He is gay what..."

gee...thanks.

Tuesday, March 30, 2004
05:07 a.m.

smart/stupid

NASA paid millions of dollars to a research consultant so they could write using a pen in space. Spending years of research. The Russians too however shared the same problem...but theirs was solved in a couple of days...they decided to use pencils instead.

Monday, March 29, 2004
04:32 p.m.

transit

I have listened repeatedly
I have listened very well
No one interrupts the harmful
When they're speaking

To wonder why of Europe
Say your goodbyes to Europe
Swallow the lie of Europe
Our shared history dies with Europe

(follow me, won't you follow me?)

A future's hinting at itself
Do you fear what I fear?
All those names of ancestry
Too gentle for the stones they bear

Someone somewhere wants to see you
Someone's traveling towards us all

To wonder why of Europe
To live, love, and cry in Europe
Say your goodbyes to Europe
Our history dies with Europe

(follow me, won't you follow me?)

The lights are dimming
The lounge is dark
The best cigarette is saved for last
We drink alone
We drink alone

lyrics by David Sylvian music by Christian Fennesz

Monday, March 29, 2004
01:22 a.m.

the point of it all

insecure. fucked up. natures whore. lover of ghosts. addicted to despair. melancholia is sweeping.

listen: loveliescrushing-bloweyelashwish (Projekt 1993)

Sunday, March 28, 2004
06:52 p.m.

heroes and zeroes

in a dream. all the people i know were in a peace cult but it didn't make sense why the pugilistic training was in the middle of the night and it seems like they don't get any sleep. everything else was exceedingly weird. like as if they had a collective mind. i didn't manage to save kitty, she was in a zombified state. I tried but she'd shrug me off and say in some foreign language i cannot comprehend. so i decided to stay and work on the rest slowly but i saved none. the dream was long and i couldn't carry on with sleep. ---


longing for an early nite. eyes you could hardly hold on to. focus said the good friend. must give at least 110%. mantras that's supposed to give you strength and concentration. now repeat after me.

listen: fennesz-venice (2004)

Saturday, March 27, 2004
08:37 a.m.

kilowatt

delusional. a schizophrenic hoping. feed me weird things.

Thursday, March 25, 2004
05:00 a.m.

concept

we live in concepts we call our own. a tree that grows in every heart. mine i think is 'flame of the forest'. whats yours?

listen: Black Ox Orkestar-Ver Tanzt? (Constellation 2004)

Tuesday, March 23, 2004
05:00 p.m.

i am not you

i am appalled somehow...but i am intrigued by 'its' understanding that words are merely but words. rhetorical as it seems. random thoughts encoded into binaries and as alphabets for you to read. so whats the big deal? a question for thought... "why did it bothered you?" how would a personal self reflection affects someone whom i don't know entirely? intrusion into anyones personal mind space is definitely not a hobby of mine. seriously...i don't have to justify my actions but as the nice person you never knew...i write this vague sentences of an apology...even tho i know that i've not done anything to harm.

Tuesday, March 23, 2004
03:43 p.m.

a glimpse

words captivate clutching your every thought. hiss. crawl. beg. i am and i am not. throw me down the mountains. relish each every moment. what is beyond there must be salvation. wine is not eternal refuge but temporal comfort. love is... but like wailing into the night. sacrifice. maimed. my every move is but hollow. set fire. the temple of the sun awaits.

Tuesday, March 23, 2004
05:23 a.m.

let's do it again

there was time when i was in kindergarten. the older kids wouldn't bother playing...so i was alone going up and down a slope that leads to a carpark...i would imitate those racers on tv when they swerve on an elbow bend. having fun minding my own business...i did that for hours....when it was time to go home...one last round i told myself. got up the small slope...cycled as fast as i could and when i made that last graceful turn...a mercedes greeted me.

listen: Anderegg - Anomia (Apestaartje 2003)

Tuesday, March 23, 2004
03:49 a.m.

deliver us from evil

i laughed at everything. for better or for worse. i laughed at my every obstacles. i laughed when my shoulders got dislocated after that fight with my dad. i laughed when my grandaunt left that clay for a body. that old woman was nice to me and i, loved her dearly. i remembered staying for the weekends over at her house. a dilapidated kampung house. she was a sweet grandaunt, always loved to hug me and kiss my cheeks. she has this smell on her that i seemed to grew fond of. i would beg my parents to send me to her house on weekends just to sleep beside her though i never really liked that place.. i was merely a child then and i was 22 when she left this horrid hell hole. you can still see how sweet she is in the family photograph in the kitchen. sometimes i wonder...if i was ever gonna see her again. so i pray each night holding on to fragments from the past gripping tight on to visions of a better afterlife. hope glimmers now and then in the darkness... there was a caucasian girl who was a neigbour to my grandaunt. there was a photograph in which i hugged her while sitting on the hood of some white car. sometimes i wonder... "to what of a whore has she turned into? " within this boundaries of which was drawn by foolish men. is she going thru life as i have been thru? maybe worse...perhaps better. i laughed at the thought of us kissing...then fucking as we get older. i laughed at that silly thought as i had laughed when l-o-v-e left me hanging...but i heard somebody sang..."You'll get use to hanging when you're hanging on love..." it just explains everything doesn't it? there is no 'moral of the story' here. and there will never be any. like that sorry life of yours that begs for a blow with a hammer on that puny little head.

*giggles*

Monday, March 22, 2004
11:09 p.m.

chase that rainbow

lotsa time for us to talk
'bout all the things we're gonna do
places that we're gonna go
and kids that we will get to know

we all gonna chase that rainbow
we're gonna chase that rainbow

we all gonna chase that rainbow
we're gonna chase that rainbow

the sun is gonna chase away all the pain
take my hand come'on let's go!
you and me we're gonna chase that rainbow
we're gonna chase that rainbow

we're gonna chase that rainbow

you and me are gonna chase that rainbow
we're gonna chase that rainbow
we're gonna chase that rainbow...


Sunday, March 21, 2004
05:21 a.m.

the ship

with tired eyes ---
they waved.


Saturday, March 20, 2004
06:48 a.m.

the last panzer division

wise is the smug. heartaches are undeniable phases that one wishes not to even spare a minute to ---
like the fruit that is ugly to look at yet toothsome on the palette of your senses.
like equalizer presets on your stereo. mines at 'rock'.
to what pleases. it shall be your garden.

Friday, March 19, 2004
05:00 p.m.

reasons

what is due? when there is no time left? the cynic speaks of desolation. amplified whispers and the most silent of all cries ---
emptiness. sorrow echoes.
hearts shall wither
memories remained.


Thursday, March 18, 2004
03:57 p.m.

entry

its too bright - - -
and my eyes are tired.
- - -
tick. tock. tick

i hear elpoep talking.

Monday, March 15, 2004
02:38 a.m.

how do they sleep at night?

i saw a film of splendrous things
but there wasn't any sound.

----


Friday, March 12, 2004
06:33 a.m.

breathe

In fear the lovers never used to sleep at night--
now they all die without dread or danger.
Those who sought that vision today die happy
and laughing in vision's midst.


Wednesday, March 10, 2004
05:06 p.m.

tragedy

of past reveries. some nurtured and some harrowed. all of which shines shards of wisdom that shall lead the purest of hearts to a glimpse of the enclosed garden. yield...for there is nothing left.

Saturday, March 6, 2004
03:07 p.m.

maintenance

racing thoughts i wish to grab hold and give a nod to...like quality control to quotidian functions which is obsolete to re-programming. perhaps a gauge that sends signals to a monitoring device that beeps everytime low levels of a certain brain chemical is detected in the system. a rather efficient way perhaps to deviate or anticipate all forms of malfunction which prevents that certain entity from using its potential resources thus halting maximum output. stoppages in maximal output equates low productivity which in turn causes a sense of hopelessness to certain beings which in time tho indefinite leads to breakdowns of sorts.

Friday, March 5, 2004
03:20 p.m.

floss

no one has the right to say they know you. do you really know yourself? hearts that speaks not of envious lust nor does it feels for your horrid verbal ambiguity that screams for clarity as of those that begs for reason. adaptations of what seems honest and pure is not valid here. go find a whore...she might clarify that putrid lust of yours.

Thursday, March 4, 2004
07:28 p.m.

sore

mum's are inevitably a nuisance. a source of irritation as that of a flickering faulty light bulb. nauseating indeed.

Wednesday, March 3, 2004
08:02 p.m.