back again back online.. back to where i stopped. many things have happened along the way since the last time i went online. did a lot of crazy things. got to know my people closer. yeah there are the usual fights when things are down but there's always the others who try to stop it. we're all like brothers there. we fight. we quarrel. but the next moment we're laughing at each other's jokes.
i wanted to say a lot of things since it's been long since i'm here but my hands are cramping up coz of trench digging that day. fuck. my hands aren't well i tell you. hope it get'sbetter by thursday. IPPT. anyway, it's amusing when u have people u hardly talk to talk to you and even know ur name when u dont know theirs. freaky i tell u. well, fuck bullshit out of celebrity madness, i'm talking abt the people u had lived with. u wonder how they know ur name. oh yeah, i've been thinking abt girls lately. dont ask why. no. it's not that i wanna get attached. it's just that i feel like it'll take me a long time before i am gonna be in another relationship. god knows if i'm ready. i cant seem to see myself in one. i'd rather remain friends. unless anyone out there wants to be my fuck buddy. then i'm all ok with it. haha. kidding. i dont really talk much shit anymore. cantt hink of anything to say. maybe the army has brainwashed me or maybe i'm just getting my age. i wanna go rest now. baybeats was nice. met a lot of friends. miss u all. let's go again next year.. :)[180704,1424hr]

younger than i expected

My inner child is one year old!

Everything is new to me. I like watching the world
go by around me, and I don't sweat the small
stuff--or the large stuff, either. Just so long
as I stay warm and safe and dry, life's pretty
good.

How Old is Your Inner Child?
brought to you by Quizilla

[290504,1616hr]

what's new accomplished the fact that all of us, recruits of BMTC, find the fact that we are BOOKING OUT to be looked forward too. but once booked out, things just is not as exciting as how we imagined it to be. it's just the counting down of the days that's exciting i guess. haha. like they say, u yearn for the thigns u can't get. but once u get it, there goes the interest. more exciting to go for somethign u cant get than something u can easily. true?

well, what's new in this country of ours, in this life of mine. everything's still the same except for a few things lucky enough to change. here's somethign for the weekend:
i wake up to see life passing by.
he walked up the stairs, shoved me aside.
he took 3 steps, turned back.
looked straight in my eyes.
that's when i saw death beside life, in all white.
smiling and shining. not gloomy and dark.
misconceptions my dear, prove fatal to the mind.
bellowing sorrows will not help in the end.
for u are mine. taken forever. lived to the fullest.
and he's counting by the hour.

hopes dashed? nopes. expected it to happen. i'm fine, dear. i'm all ok. hehe. ;) [290504,1227hr]

*smile*
You should be dating an Aries. 21 March - 19 April
This person is a leader, very energetic, always helping others to achieve their dreams. Though at times, Aries can be be bossy, jealous, and selfish, this ram enjoys sexy new challenges in bed!

What Zodiac Sign Are You Attracted To?
brought to you by Quizilla

ooooooh... hehehe.[150504,1401hr]

argh stupid boy. see what u just did to yourself? argh. turn back time if i could. but nevermind. what's done is done. but it's still damn stupid. i miss out ont he world a lot these days. shucks. it's already close to 1330 and i'm not out yet. just got home actually. need to buy a few things for camp tomorrow and i'm jamming at 2030 tonight. :D

i'm starting to see people in different angles now. tryign to see relationships between everyone slowly. trying to see how much and who are opening up slowly. this week is the part where CO says when u learn to know each other well enough, there's bound to be conflicts. yup. true. the week is good. i hope i did well as section ic this week. oh yeah. i got mad i burst my bubble at someone that day before dinner. quite bad. started from me but lead on to a few other people. very bad. but it's ok now. i hate it when i get angry.

cant wait for tomorrow. :)[150504,1320hr]

eamon - i dont want you back bloody hell. that song's been playign in the airwaves every damn day. everywhere i go. nice song yeah. but i hate the lyrics. makes me feel like shit all the time. reminds me of watever. i'm off. see you next week dear. i still owe u lunch and dinner. hehe. :) thanx for being there whenever i need someone here. *hugs* [090504,0854hr]

hurry up lah!!! starting to feel at home in my platoon. everyone's starting to know each other. what sucks most is that sometimes there's a few disagreements here and there. sometimes ending up shouting and cursing at each other but still ok after everything's over. like i said earlier, there's already a few people who already hate me i guess. well, i'm not saying anything. i dont hate them. if they dont like the way i do things ard the area, it's their problem. i'm not there to entertain and only hear what they have to say. well, i'm quite quiet back in tekong. i dont talk much but i do share my views if i have some. i still do the thigns i'm supposed to do. i dont think i talk much. somehow a bit mellowed down. sometimes i look back and i realise how lame everyone could be. like i tell everyone else, if i really dont bother to entertain u, i really wouldnt bother. still have yet to meet someone of my kind. we're quite rare eh fai? hahah.[080504,1230hr]

back to home sitting here in my white plastic chair, those u'd see around during malay weddings at void decks, waiting for time to pass and back to 'home' for the next 4 months. come to think of it, it's not so bad after all. i made a lot of new friends and also people i just cant be bothered listening to. coming int his time wouldnt be easy on me. since it's my section's turn to whip out a platoon ic. from the looks of it. there's only a few candidates ard in here. i'm looking at being targetted here if my section dont vote someone soon. if i do. no way in hell do I wanna be ic for the week they call 'hell' week. shit. wat to do? wat to do. i'm so gonna die. stand by area's gonna be hell. he's expecting us to really furbish up our bunks as well as our attitudes. of course, there's bound to tbe the slow ones, the fast onz ones, the mediocre ones, the bo-chap ones and so on and so forth. hope the platoon's gonna cooperate better this time round.

i've made a few enemies i think. some of those who think i'm a threat(?). maybe. some who think i am just someone who'd wanna stand out amongst the rest. maybe. but one question for u all, there's the opportuinities for u to shine in your life. i'm never the shining star. but i know if i dont chase that dream to do something better in my life i wont go anywhere. make full use of ur life. if u think u can do better than me. then do better than me. who's stopping you? i'm not. go ahead. i am happy i've made a few people believe they could do better than me and i know it. :) i'm not saying i'm good. just that it's good to see when i put in a bit more effort in doign things and they show the same thing to top me up with even more effort. just like choking in a restaurant to make someone feel he's a hero. yeah. my contribution to the well being of my platoon. i just hope more people see this as an opportuinity for them. :) GRYPHON! PLATOON 4! ROCK ON![010504,1651hr]

over exagerated? yeah. seems like it. i think i overexagerated the first week of camp. well it's a nice place. the stars at night are wonderful i tell u. prettiest ones ever. so wish i could bring a camera along. well, then again, it's the FIRST week.

made new friends and i fell asleep last night at 2030hr (lights out timing) and i just woke up at 0500hr, close to the time i wake up everyday in camp. man. bio clock's beginning to turn ard. somehow in camp numbifies my mind. everything i do is thru orders, routine, what so ever not. mind's becoming blunt with ideas. hoping my creative juices will start flowing again. will bring lotsa paper this time. gonna start drawing a lot of stuff.

hell is yet to come in a few hours. my back's beginning to give me problems. right knee feels like it's weakening. i dont wanna do not complete this bmt phase coz then i'll have to do it all over again. no fucking way. 5th of august. here i come. see u guys next week. [010504,0510hr]

last entry til mayday i'll miss you, dear.
god knows why i feel so happy. enlightened. when i'm gonna get freaking tortured in there. hopefully i get well with the people there. hopefully things dont go all awry. i'm nervous yet wondering how bad or good this can be. well, best way is to go in with an open heart. open mind. punishment's just part of life and i cant run away from it anyway. hope to be doign well. hope my back dont fail me. wish me luck people. my back needs its rest. gd nite. slp tite. sweet dreams. *hugs* luv u all.[210404,0103hr]

final wishes my last wave goodbye. a long wave goodbye to the people ard me. maybe exageration's the word to be used here. sounds like i'm going going gone forever. never to see me again. heh. well, never take advantage of life's precious moments such as easy as a simple goodbye. a simple kiss before u head to work. a simple smile before u turn in to bed. a brief wave before u leave for home. that short phonecall to say hi or bye. a small poke in the ribs by a friend. hehe. u'll never know when bad things can happen. :) a smile depicts the joy i have for having my family, my friends ard me who'll be missing me when i'm gone. ur absence will be felt too *here*. i'm leaving with a tear in my eye, a smile in my heart. hope u have that smile too in urs coz it'll go a long way. stay happy dear. always. u wont be forgotten. i promise. :)[200404,1242hr]

and soon. soon enough. the last 2 days of freedom before regimental torture. i cant wait actually. gonna go all forth with being punished. no. i dont have a fetish. just that maybe if i act crazy enough, they'll think i'm crazy. or i'll tell i feel like killing someone or stabbing someone when i get my rifle. that worked before. hehe. the lil surest ways of gettign out of tekong. but naah. i wanna go with training and all. feel the pain. feel the anger. feel the outrage. just hope my back dont snap halfway. do some work shit and probably strain it or something. get the government to pay for it. i wish i could work alone. like a sniper. or someone. u know. like a living killing machine. noone knows. noone realises. startign to dream again. ahha.. probably my lack of sleep catching on me. anyway, i need rest. i'll get back here soon. hehe. my gosh. everything's gonna be so different 2 days from now.[190404,1212hr]

someone kill me for feeling like this. i dont like. stop. stop. why suddenly talk abt love love ni sume????? *cry* tak nak. somemore wanna go into camp. make me feel like shit only later. always makes me feel like shit later. someone help this heart of mine.[150404,0936hr]

tan i'm getting a tan now as i'm writing this. with the sun glaring to the right of my face. the wind from the spinning mechanical instrument is blowing on my left. dont worry. it'll just take me to lie on my right under the hot sun in tekong. that'll probably do the job.

sometimes i begin to dwell in the fact that i dont like to know too much. like they say. ignorance is bliss. sometimes it's good. sometimes it's really bad on me. hopes dashed. hmmm. well, that's what people say abt me. i give up too easily on love. maybe i should route myself somewhere first. i dont wanan get stuck heartbroken all the time. sometimes i question even if this feeling i have is pure. is this "love" pure? u question. u question. well, i'm out to make another statement out there. the army is the next target. i'll go think abt what i'm gonna be doing or working after that. love can come later.

how some people approach love is funny. well most people prefer to go for someone and get attached before they fall in love withthe person. safer? sure? i believe that i shall never go for someone if i'm not in love with her. then again even if i do. i question it. so i really? can i get that far? for purity is the sky. blue. plain. simple. :) i know i care for a lot of people. i know they know it too. but can i ever romantically love someone without questioning myself. i want this to be pure. hopeless romantic u.[150404,0851hr]

the two US soldiers maybe a bit late to talk abt this but hey if u want my view on this, go to shaf's blog on the right and look at what my outcry was all about for her entry on the 14th. i think it's a silly thing to make huge headlines about how a family is torn apart by the country. talking abt how they cant decide. look at the people who were killed in Iraq. did they have a choice? why not cover them? ask them about their misery over a loss of their sons. or their daughters. or their husbands. or their fathers. or the mothers. ask them if they were torn between their country or family. did they even have much of a choice? oh. yeah. i forgot. they did, didnt they? sure. that's why they had to make such a big hoohaa over the issue back at your country. sorry. totally forgot. urgh. disgusted.[150404,0002hr]

the girl of ur dreams what if u've met the girl of ur dreams? exactly the way u described it in your own head. her ways. her face. her everything. the way she laughs. the way she has that intense gazing stare in her eyes when she looks right back at u. exactly the way u describe it. sometimes u wonder if that girl is real. sometimes u wonder if she's available. sometimes u wonder if ur ever gonna bump into her at all. and if u find her, would u tell her she's the one u've been looking for? we should, shouldnt we? but what if too bad ur not her type? she's all to u. perfect in every sense. for God has made us the most perfect creature here. with a mind and a soul. where the angels bowed to when Adam was born. she's all to u. u know it. u feel it. where else, mydear, can i find u? for ur one of the rarest to find in this world metamorphing from urbanism. where everythign is subconsciously superficial. u made superficiality a thing of the past. where else can i find someone like u? this heart feels subconsciously. pouring itself out for u. each time we see it's like we've never met. it's hard to find someone like you. be it you know who i'm talking about or u know who you are. for at least i know noone has ever made me heart melt so bad before. hehe. ur one of a kind dear. just like in a dream. just so u know ur the girl in mine. and i've found you. dreams do come real sometimes. u've proven that point of life. miracles do happen. ur one of a kind. one of a kind.[140404,1055hr]

dreamy had rather quite a lovely dream. then again. it's a dream. haha. like a sunray that pierces out of a dark cloud. i swear i cant seem to write anything out these days. head's been stoning. can someone make out subconsciously? like make out without realising they've made out? like u know. u watch a movie and somehow suddenly u see her in ur arms. u start kissing her. u kiss her even more. u find ur all hot inside. u start touching her everywhere. from the sounds, u know she like it. u go even lower as she lets u in. everythign seemed so lovely. there u are with the girl of ur dreams. making out. suddenly consciousness kicks in. what the hell did i just do? oh my gosh. oh my gosh. she's my best friend for crying out loud. both of u know that's something they shoudlnt have done. both blushed. dumbfounded after the movie. not daring saying anything. u dare not even look at her. she dares not even look at u. what happens next? things get over? a very short fling maybe? stress relieving moment? hmmm. what shit could that put u thru? i wonder.

i didnt realise while i was typing this there's coldgate on my tummy. haha. what morning eyes could give u. ahha. i need a new back. this back is starting to slouch too much. if i dont, then it'll be uncomfortable. i'll try. so i dont become a hunchback when i grow old. picture myself as a hunchback with a stick on my left hand and a book on my right. not for reading. writing. collecting theories and whatever nots. philosopher my ass. hhaaha. but it'll be amusing to see a whole bunch of old geezers writing down theories and laughing to immature jokes. i'd like that. hehe. old and wise and happy. :)[140404,0931hr]

not been blogging dunno why. suddenly i've lost all interest in typing out what i wanna say. used to be so addicted to blogging. would type in a whole lot. now i cant even think of anythign to write. was mad yesterday. thought it was bad to write it out here. so i deleted the post. they're my friends. i love them. sorry people. really sorry. kinda blew my top coz the day didnt start well. really sorry. i apologise for getting mad.

supposed to write a story for this script i'm doing. i cant get a solid story out. maybe i'm tryign to hard. somehow my stories seem rather. monotonously dead. is it just me? or is it that my brain's just not functioning right? ok. let's come up with a last min story down here ok? start.

haha. shoosh. cant even think of what to write as the first line. probably this story in my head now is about a boy who believes baby talk is a hidden language used to open up something that's gotta do with the pyramids. look at my lameness man. fai. help me. i'm dying. i'm dying.[130404,1036hr]

personality test Introverted (I) 51.28% Extroverted (E) 48.72%
Intuitive (N) 57.89% Sensing (S) 42.11%
Thinking (T) 52.27% Feeling (F) 47.73%
Perceiving (P) 55.26% Judging (J) 44.74%

so me. the world exists primarily to be understood.
[070404,2310hr]

arsenal suckers woke up to the news of arsenal's loss. suckers. also to real madrid. both got knocked out. yes ah. hahaha. so where have all the bigshots gone? chelsea made it thru. monaco made it thru. amusing. do u know that arsenal players uses a certain type ofdrug to keep their physical status? no freaking wonder all of them look alike. name me one whom u think looks different. the legs, the body.. all lanky and steely. funny aint it? anyway, i woke up damn early today. althogh i had a late night. shyte. i'm sleepy now. haha. maybei should sleep a bit. gonna have to go to ham's place to fix his comp. urgh. so lazy.[070404,0718hr]

monday monday been a long time since i looked thru for the meaning of the surahs in the Quran. really immersed myself in it today. was so into it. really helped in keeping check with myself again. some of the little things u never knew who could just solve ur everyday current situations. amusing.

yesh dian. true i'd say. sometimes we do this without realising. again, emotions conquering, taking over our minds. when i think abt it again, when i put myself intheir shoes,what would i do if my child is a net addict and cant stay off the comp til the wee hours of the morning? i'd constantly remind him or her coz that's what i think is good for him. i'd be worried. yeah. he'll probably think the same way i did. "i KNOW what i'm doing. I KNOW MY TIME. this is MY body ur talking abt. not YOURS. i can gauge how i wanna sleep." sheesh. whiny bugger. haha. man. see what happens when u think abt it again? thanx dear. hope to see u soon though. :) at least before i go out of NS. mace windu ah. hehe.[050404,2334hr]

sleep my parents are whining abt me sleeping late. keeps on telling me that i MUST sleep early or else i'll die when i go NS. i MUST sleep early so i can wake up at 5 in the morn. i MUST sleep early so i get enoguh rest. i MUST sleep early so i'd wake up in time to send my lil bro to sch. the few lines that's repeatedly being heard by my ears it's getting irritating. i swear i dont need them to keep on telling me that every single time they fucking can. i wake up and they tell me to sleep early. i go out and they tellme to sleep early. i watch tv and they tell me to sleep early. irritating. just like that fly who keeps buzzing ard me non stop. there's always a barrier for everyone to take. for goodness sake's, just because i sleep late all the time doesnt mean i cant wake up early. dont have to keep bugging me abt it. i'm 22 for god's sake. i KNOW what i'm doing. I KNOW MY TIME. this is MY body ur talking abt. not YOURS. i can gauge how i wanna sleep. it's like telling a crippled person to run faster. fuck you. he knows what's his pace is. dont tell someone what you dont know abt him. bugging. bugging. bugging. [050404,2353hr]

seventy3 full squad! full squad! one of those rare moments and it happened today. haha. one of our best jamming sessions ever. should have recorded it. man. been a while since we played. amusing how today turned out. didnt expect it to be that good but hey. it was good. damn solid. gotta get mc on 26 june. or if i can get out, i will try to. haha. licensed 2 revolution. hope we play more than 3 songs this time. can't wait. miss being on stage. haha. *smiles*[050404,1735hr]

... i just realised i could be putting my entire social life in jeopardy. haha. let's hope going in the army wont change me. THAT's lameness to its core. i will NOT be that typical lameass. i can be a bastard, a conniving fuck, a bloody playmaker, a demented asshole but not the TYPICAL lameass. urgh. disgust. disgust. i sound like a girl. haha.[040404,0411hr]

0404040404 25 more minutes til 0404040404. haha. nothing but just to amuse myself. i just got back home. yeah. wanted to hang out with people tonight. eventually thigns went bad. and there's not a lot of people saying.. ok, we're gonna have a great time tonight! nevermind. well, at least i'm hoping to come back home from tekong in one piece. thank God for someone at least this night didnt really turned out fucked up. :) thanx for keeping me company. thanx for spending that few hours with me. thanx for killing the cockroach with my library book. thanx for everything princess. hehe.

there's this thing with those guys who know they look good and stuff, the way they try to pick up girls who just swoon over them. lame ah. really. was at a gig that time somewhere last week. some dragon boat thing was held as well at the kallang river. i dont get how girls could go crazy over those assholes. found it pretty annoynig they try to 'pit' their skills in strength by wrestling each other to the ground tosay, 'hey! i'm the fucking great one here. girls come fucking look at me. i want u NOW!' dush. when people say humans are like animals. here's a great example of humans acting like animals. jealousy? nah. why should i? is that one of the animalistic ways of picking up the opposite sex? hail ho the royal lameness. one thing i also dont get. girls could swoon over these people. for goodness sake's, what's wrong with the world today??? arent there PEOPLE anymore?? do i need to have fucking good looks and a ping pong size brain to attract girls? urgh. anyway, i'm not a sexist. i just think guys are the lamest people on earth. girls are just too blind to see that. i'm not asking for much. just to open up your eyes w i d e r.

thanx again for sharing the night with me. on my way home and i thought abt the everything and how it's gonna be, i realised we're going a very long way. i know how much u trust this thing with me. i'm not gonna be some idiotic fella who's just gonna fling this precious thing out of the window. i'll respect that. will behere if u need me. always. -to whom it may concern. :)[040404,0343hr]

ice cream driven basely on trying to find faults in the system, i've just generated another way to get one free ice cream cone from mcdonald's. u know they have those service in one minute thing? yeah. let's say u go out with 5 or 6 friends. one of u guys wouldnt have to pay coz there's no way the cashier can do 4 ro 5 ice cream cones under one minute. try it. hehe. u'd be surprised. ahahha. and if u think he or she can, send in reinforcements to distract the person doing the ice cream thing. 1 free ice cream cone. dont think the cashiers do give a fuck anyway. underpaid overworked. not being stingy but it's just something amusingly. still wish it was still the apple pie though. that was more worth it.

i'm supopse to write this all out on paper somehow a long time ago. like why is fish more expensive than chicken? i think there should be a gd reason why since fishes live in 70% of the world's surface and chicken less than 30. what makes it expensive? all u gotta do is throw a net in the sea and u'll probably take out tonnes. chickens, u have to breed. u cant say fish is hard to find. chickens on the other hand deserve a higher price. demand for fish more than chicken? not sure. but i think more people eat chicken than fish. anyone with a possible explanation for me?[030404,1141hr]

JOB!
[ very creative designer wanted ]
attention ppl. my mum has asked me to make this announcement in my blog. she's searching for a "very creative web designer". she's working for the Singapore College of Insurance (SCI). so interested individuals, pls call AIDA at 63342893 or email to aida@scidomain.org.sg. if all fails for some reason, email me. thanks.
got this off shaf's blog. i hope the designers read this. soooo.. anyone interested? helping u out here, shaf. do i get paid too? heheh. [020404,2350hr]

hard on woke up at 8 today. fell back asleep. woke up at 10 today. fell back asleep. woke up at 12 today and i guess my head's tellign me to fucking wake up. thinking of doing a whole lot of things today. i feel so much like making a trip to the pool today. thing is i hafta be back by 7 and i've got no cash. see also: tafsir juz amma. see also: meet fai. i could go swim at 2.30 and meet fai later at cp ard 4. andthen be back home by 7 for the tafsir at assyafaah in sembawang. sounds good. but looks a bit too cramped up. hmmm. i'll see how else i can go abt it.

was just thinking in the shower just now. god knows why i can think of a lot of theories and everything in the shower. out of all the places. the shower? i guess it's the gush of cold water on my head that somehow stimulates my brain power by twice it's normal capacity. haha. yeah right. anyway, was just thinking about what's the most suckiest thing a guy can experience. and i'd tell u..nothing beats leaving him halfway thru making out with a hard on. how we expect something in return and then the only one who could return the favour just left u there. hanging. yeah. if i was a girl and dont really care abt morals and stuff and meant to destroy the entire male population's brain, then that's what i'll do. haha. that kinda sex will definitely fuck up a guy's brain.[290304,1257hr]

my hair day as u all can see i decided to let my cousin cut the mohawk on me. i guess it needs some getting used to. but i see this as part of my neverending studies of life, into society's way of superficialiating people thru first impressions, . the people who know me. know me. nuff said abt this hairdo. anyway, been rather crazy the past few days. never looked the same. never felt the same. i was doingall sortsa crazy stuff i never thought i'd do. maybe it's the time i felt i wanna just jump the gun into everything since my social life gonna probably end in 3 weeks. btw, if u people still hasnt caught the latest news. i'm goin to tekong on the 21st of April. i hope to go out a fitter leaner me. please. haha. gonna miss everyone. [280304,2348hr]

short hair i'm thinking of shavign my head soon before i go for my national service. my older cousin told me if i dont it's gonna be a long queue up at the barber's if i dont. well, yeah. should i do it now? my hair now is already bugging me.

talkign abt short hair. have i mentioned how i think girls should all have short hair? haha. one perfect example.. elyse sewell. cmon. dont tell me she's not adorable. she's fucking gorgeous. there's also ashley judd, charlize theron, winona ryder, kelly macdonald. generally, girls are better with short hair. agreed? so proves me fetish. oops. fetish? nah. ahhaha. my "whatchamcallit". hehe. u know that honey. right? hehe.[250304,1459hr]

horoscope my mum got home from work today holding some pieces of paper askign me to read it. well, she's new to the net and everythign so she prints stuff she did at work and useful information and pass them to me to read it. maybe i shoudl keep a file and keep all of it inside. yeah. that's what i probably do. who knows 20 years down the road i'd still be able to show her the thigns she once gave me. ok anyway, on these pieces of printed paper were some horoscope thingamabob that she did. every single one of us. from my dad til my lil bro. she'd probably read this already and i could hear at the back of her voice when she said "agak2 sama tak?" she knows which is true. and which isnt. obviously she found it amusing that most of the stuff on my paper with my name on it had 90% of it amusingly true. coz that's what i thought myself to be too. let me psychoanalyse this:

"A cheerful soul, Nurikhwan is an attractive individual whose humour and charm can inspire others to follow his ideas. Although his active brain can generate many bright ideas, he cannot be guaranteed to finish one idea before starting on the next. Although money tends to burn a hole in his pocket, Nurikhwan will always maintain the impression that all is well."true. esp abt the hole inthe pocket and all is well and also the bright ideas and not gauranteeing i'd finish my work before going on to the next. the first line u tell me. i cant judge that. :D

"Although Nurikhwan may be relied upon to start his allotted tasks, he cannot always be relied upon to complete them. This is not because Nurikhwan is lazy, but because his active brain has alighted upon something else that he wishes to pursue. Nevertheless he has leadership potential and the ability to inspire others with his charm and humour."how can this be coincidence? see. i'm not lazy. i'm just easily amused. hehe.

"With independence of mind, Nurikhwan may have seemed to be something of a loner in his early life. But as he matures that independent streak will lead him to positions in which others will rely upon his judgement and impartiality. Whatever skill he masters, whatever career he pursues, it should be one where his natural talent to command can be properly utilised."watever skill, whatever career. the main word is SHOULD. ahha. kinda true. i was a loner. i still i am though. but everyone else thinks i have too many friends. do i?

"Although Nurikhwan may be reasonably talkative in public, he finds it difficult to express personal feelings to those closest to him. In employment terms, this inhibition is of little consequence."yeah. i'm not really good with expressing my feelings. think my mum knows that. think everybody knows that. but i love them. i love them.

"Sensitive to criticism and naturally intuitive, Nurikhwan has a natural ability to detect insincerity in others. Because he is a sensitive soul, Nurikhwan can be a solid friend and a good listener. As a result, he will get on well with colleagues, whilst being more than capable of handling office politics."

"Although Nurikhwan is highly creative, he lacks the confidence to put those abilities to work. As he is a natural worrier, progress is frustrated by setbacks." tell me all that is not true. amusing. haha. i actually thought abt all that. what are the odds?

so there u go. i am still amused. they said somehtign else abt me being good with money. yeah. right. ehhe. anyway, that's how i am as of for now. am i still gonan be like that? or will i change. i gotta improve on the lazy part. which always doesnt seem to work no matter how hard i try. i get out of sync almost halfway thru all the time. urgh.[240304,0110hr]

for zuli 1. A movie. (i'll give u a whole lot if u want. reservoir dogs, pulp fiction, fight club, city of god, trainspotting, battle royale, donnie darko. ok enough. got loads more though. hehe.)

2. A book. (Choke by Chuck Palahniuk. Currently reading. brilliant author. i think i told u that already. See also: Irvine Welsh.)

3. A musical artist, song, or album. (Yellowcard-Only One. Saves The Day-Firefly. Guff-Super Special. Thrice-The Artist in the Ambulance. Kemuri-Positive Mental Attitude. The Taj Motel Trio-Once Again. The Ted Dancin Machine-Pick It Up. No Doubt-Everything's Wrong. Seventy3-Angeliena. :P choose satu laah. haha.)

4. A photo or picture.
Praz's Eye.
a friend who had cornea ulcer caused by his contacts. urgh. glasses forever.

5. A place. (that abandoned police station or warehouse at the entrance of the sentosa bridge. very old old old building u rarely see along our streets. gotta climb over the fence to get there i think. they fucking fenced it up. i'd love to go there one day to shoot.)

6. Any livejournal user not on my friends list or your friends list.(http://www.livejournal.com/users/sixdirtydishes hehe. i dont think i have urs on my list and i dont think u have urs on your list. hehe.)

[230304,1230hr]

nothing gold can stay
Heart of Gold

What is Your Heart REALLY Made of?
brought to you by Quizilla [220304,1640hr]

this heart bellows for... sometimes i dunno what's wrong with me. i know i'm a horrible reactor to bad news. what am i suppose to say? what am i suppose to do? i might not look like i care. might not seem like it too. but i do. this amazing ability of me to put myself in someone's shoes. be it who's the bearer of bad news. my heart feels the pain but it sure doesnt look like it on the outside. just so u know, if sometimes i look like i dont give a fuck at all. i do. be it who u are. if u think i look like a dude that doesnt care much, so be it. i do down inside. sometimes i show. and sometimes i dont. sometimes i pull myself in too deep too. not sure if that's good but i'll pull through. for now i'll just cry for whatever's left.[220304,0916hr]

a very sucky day what other way to back a sucky day up by reading abt things u know u'll feel fucked up abt after? haha. stupid me. maybe i shouldnt read someone's blog anymore. keeps on reminding me of how fucked up i was. how fucking good and how fucking bad. but what's there to life right? easier to think of the bad side of things than the good. anyway, i shall make a point today onwards wont read anymore stuff i dont need to read to fuck my life up even more. instead i'll just stick with chuck.

well, i really cant think abt what to write today since it's such a sucky day except the 'huda' part. hehehe. ok ok. nothign much just that i waited from 7 plus til 8 plus for her and i managed to read some stuff from chuck's 'choke'. :) amusing fella. still cant believe he's gay. anyway, he rocks. for a gay guy.

ever had one of those awkward conversations with a friend? one of those 'why didnt we get together?' questions. maybe that's not how it starts. but that's how it sets off that awkward moment. haha. then there's a time somewhere in the middle u just dunno what else to say until one breaks a new topic. hehe. yeah. i have wondered. i have wondered.

"The Enlightenment is over. What we're living in now is the Dis-Enlightenment." -Choke by Chuck Palahniuk[220304,1215hr]

stove the power gas guy was suppose to come this morning but he didnt. he called sayign he'll come at 1.30pm. he didnt. and while my parents continued withtheir plans. i'm stucka t home with my bro to take care of things. meaning i wont be able to go out at all.. since the lock on the door has been changed. well, i'll tell u abt this story a lil later in the entry. hehe.

i hate it when i have to wait for things to come and they dont. or are very unusually late. when they're not suppose to. fuckish isnt it? i remembered when the new comp just came. it came damn late at night when it was suppose to be in the afternoon. great. there i was waiting the whoel fucking day for it. same thing happened here. i had to stop halfway thru this entry coz the man just came. 4.30? 3hrs late boy. forget it. it's the first time anyway. just dont go abt the second time man. now i totally lost my mood of going out.

ok back to the door lock story, someone tried to be sam fisher in the family. tried picking the lock on the door. haha. and what luck he has when the paper clip broke IN the lock itself. haha. bitch. that's what u get for trying to be a spy. ehaehah. he even bribed my lil sis and bro to put the blame on them. haha. bastard. but nothign leaves my mouth or my sister's. so my parents knew abt it the moment they reached home. sucker. ahha.

the colour of love is bright orange.[200304,1611hr]

reformatted just finished reformatting my comp. slept halfway thru istalling my windows. thanx saf for burning me the 2 non workable versions of windowsXP. haha. for a while i thought we made tech history by burning 2.2GB worth of information in a 700MB disc. haha. amusing if we could have done it. hehaeah. anyway, finally.... i'm BACK!

syah messaged me this morning asking me if i would wanna follow him to the Hijrah Walk that's this saturday. think i'm going. i'd love to go. i'm asking a couple of my friends too. wonder if anyone of them would like to go too.

i got no more else to say for now. just that i cant get the song Only One by Yellowcard out of my head. very sad sad sad song. *sob*[180304,1508hr]

pissed at whatever would u rather hear someone cry or would u rather hear someone smile? rarely do u hear someone smile but if u do, tell me. i'd love to hear it too. for you know it came from inside ur heart that heard that one smile. i need someone to hear my smile.

sometimes if ur too good at something, it could be a bad thing. for live life in moderation. too much of everything is no good at all. it's true. quoted by Prophet Muhammad himself. think abt it.

how significant am i in this life? am i the past? or am i the present? will i ever make such an impact in someone's life during my stay here? how much have i contributed my share of happiness my dear? how much have i given it away? and how much have i still with me? thank God i still have some. though lil but it's my life saver certainly. maybe i shall just not work on it. maybe i'll lead a life filled with dreams and fantasy. i'd wanna make my first short film. i'd wanna buy my first video camera. will it make me happy? yet to find out but i dont think so. it'll just satisfy me. like all satisfaction. it wont ever last.

out with yanie, man, isa, fai and met lat on the way home. saf's a dick for not turning up. well he's sick. so i guess he should get his rest. hope he's doing fine. get better bro. sorry for calling u a dick. really feeling pissy now. i dunno. mayeb it's just the exact opposite of what's on your mind. i wish i could have you. and i wish this will just get myself off ur back. i care for you. i am attracted to you. but can i love you? no promises. never. never say u'll stay when u cant. never say u'll make up for it when u know it'll never add up. never say it when ur mouth is filled with ... nvm.

my hands are made to write. my feet to stand. my head to think but my heart to break.[160304,0257hr]

drunk theory was putting thoughts in my head when i was walking home. coming from me who told myself i will never drink. i did drink eventually. i wondered why. i knew it was a bad period in my life. very bad actually. well, let's not go into details abt that. just that i know how much that period in my life was a realy great test and i failed it somehow. only to get back up after a false start. comes to the topic abt alcohol. i dont get what they're trying to show. when someone's down they drink. why? alcohol wont make things better, it'll just make things worst.

talking abt that, ur life could just blow up in multiple proportions when ur drunk. never on the good side. proved a point. u get too drunk u could puke. u get too drunk u could also begin making out with someone else. u could get too drunk and even have consensual sex with someone else without realising it til the next morning. how abt that? happens i guess. never been drunk before so i wouldnt know. but that's how i percieve this issue of drinking when down. things will just get worst. true? well for a moment in my life i thought drinking would help. but fuck. those were the longest 40 days of my life.

i believe if a person is drunk he/she lets go of all the thoughts in his/her head. when i mean "all" i MEAN "all". had a couple of people drunk once. they'd say out the worst shit out of their mouths. do the wierdest things. and all i can conclude is that's what's actually going on in their minds. i say everythign is psychological. even when ur drunk. peopel say they're not sane when they're drunk. well fuck that. u KNOW what u ARE doing when ur drunk. there were just no barriers involved. alcohol is the barrier breaker. u wanna skydive but is afraid of heights? get fucking drunk. wanna hit on a girl but never could do it? get fucking drunk. wanna do raunchy sex with ur partner but never get to open up with her about it? get her fucking drunk.. hell if u think it's a fuckish thing to do. get urself drunk too. that way both of u cant say who's sane right? dont fucking tell me i'm wrong. u know it's fucking logical. i guess what a drunk person does or did is what he/she wants to do. in.. his/her.. head. well, guess that's the only way u can tell if someone's just as horny as u. haha. ;P [130304,0136hr]