getting over ur ex how long does it take to get ur ex out of ur head? probly i'd make this a topic to ponder. will u ever forget ur ex? i dont really like the sound of it but i think the answer is no. ur bound to know ur ex be it 30 years from now. he or she is still a fragment of ur memory. ok. maybe when ur too old and u start forgetting stuff. the thing is.. it's how u get over ur ex. not forget. there's the good way which is when both agrees on going away with no backstabbing, cheating or lying involved in the first place or after. how often does that happen man. and the bad way, vice versa. one of them just had to be the bastard or the bitch. anyway, just doing a head count, how well do u think u can cope with a break up? does a faster 'getting over' period means u dont really love that person? or just stronger determination to move on? and if it took u years, are u pathetic? what IS the ideal 'getting over' period? days? weeks? months? years? depending on the relationship? i can keep on asking myself these questions sometimes. [180903,0025hr]

saf's bday today!! happy bday saf! dont think he'll ever read this so i'll just want him to know he's been a real great friend in my life. u play a major role in it bro. i know i'm not really a good friend but i'm working on it. anyway, happy 21st bday to saf. played pool with him, aaron, fai and lat just now. i think i'm sucking at pool again. i dunno why. must be one of those spells but it's ok. im no serious competitor. been on a losing streak since dian beat me 3 times in a row. hehehe. dian.. dian.. what have u done to me? heheh. i think girls have this uncanny ability to make a guy go goo2gaa2 over her without realising it. i think a lot of girls experience that. tell me. is it the guys' fault or the girls'? are guys too weak? or are girls just denying the fact to get attention? in my opinion, girls generally feel obliged to talk to a guy on the fone if he calls. why cant say no? and why do guys dont get the hint all the time? blind bats? flying at every possible fact that the girl likes him? dream on. especially those who think like they have them already in their hands. unless of course u KNOW ur the hot dude in town lah. guys' ego versus girls' uncanny clueless ability. who's right? who's wrong? and who wins?[170903,0020hr]

lat kinda miss that lil girl. long time since we've gone out for a game of pool. hehe. she's got cable now. that means i'll be able to talk to her on msn. woohoo.. finally. haha. anyway, the boss's bday tomorrow. hehe. i mean.. today! HAPPY BIRTHDAY ZUL! he's turning 21 today. i dunno. my mind's all blacking out today. dunt really kno what to write else in my blog. miss lat. happy bday zul. and was it a relief to finally got hid smsing me. hehe. spend the whole day trying to get her. :) happy wishes for zul. ur 21 bro. :) [140903,0053hr]

friday all i can do now is smile. :) hehe. great day. great day. :) [120903,2316hr]

the used - bulimic the song's stuck in my head. hehe. guess it's a good start. i'm not feeling thrashy or what. see what i mean by volatile. mood swings worser than a girl's. i think i'm skipping tuition today again. the kid bailed out yesterday coz he was having a fever. im bailing out today coz im having a fever. shoosh. anyway, someone tell me what to do with my moodswings? i think it's getting out of hand. hid dear.. where are u? *click click* *cair* hehe. i wanna hug my pillow.[100903,1521hr]

volatile is the word to describe me now. sudden splurges of exploding magma telling me i've gotta be wary of what i'm doing these days. i get mighty angry with the most itsy bitsy of things. so this is my warning. anyway, i'm sick of being 21. i'm not ready. i dont feel 21 and i dont wanna be 21. tried killing myself last night but it didnt work out. kinda i woke up today with heavy eyebags and shortness of breath. i cant seem to open my eyes for hours. came late for sch (where i am now) and i havnt done my assignment. i feel like a shitbag. i mean.. take a look at me. talk abt volatile. i tried going into OD because i dont feel 21? fuck. i'm losing my grip in this world. i really wish i'd die early. accident or sleep. pills work too. maybe i should take more tonight.[100903,0908hr]

happy bday my lil sis turned 8 yesterday. i'm like an hour and 45 mins late to wish her happy bday but anyway, hope she grows up to become a good girl. partly my duty. i think i'm terribly sucking at it though. gonna try to be a good bro from now on. it makes u wonder this huge age gap i have with my lil sis. when i'm 35 she's like only 22. hehe. i think i'll probably be single and living alone. do u know that a girl can bring 7 guys to hell with her? i cant really remember all fo them. first, the father. second, the husband. third, her brothers. can only remember the top 3. isnt it scary? come to think of it, i've been missing my friday evenings at the mosque. i'm going this week. no excuses. i gotta start thinking abt my future. the things i wanna do never falls to place. i need lotsa plan Bs.[090903,0145hr]

goodbyes, goodbyes, a million goodbyes she says goodbye. i bet u are sick, bored and tired of my fucking attitude. well, dont blame it on me. u asked for it. then again, u'd probably have some reason to make me feel guilty for doing this. should i? should i feel at least a bit guilty for this? well, ok i do. i feel guilty, i'll cry halfway through and finish it off anyway. i guess that's how i should go about it, right? what wrong did i do to deserve this? who was worried sick during that 3 weeks the parcel didnt arrive? who was with u? even when the truth was out, did i even scream at you? and in appreciation for caring and loving, i got ditched for another guy. how nice. i just cant trust u anymore. ur tears look fake, ur words sound like lies. i dont even know when ur telling the truth. i believed in chances. i shouldnt have stayed that night at ur chalet. i should have gone. took my bag and went away. shouldnt have cared abt what u said. why want me to stay when ur just going to let go later? oh how stupid was i? u were pissed drunk. *smacks head* i got used man. or at least i felt really well used up. i get sick and tired of being this mr.nice guy sometimes. so everyone now u know now, i'm not nice. i'm evil as evil can be. this is my end. gd bye. [080903,0421hr]

comfort zone so comfortable yet so strange. how? instantaneous love story. that's how others percieved it i suppose. isnt it? most people get it all wrong. comfort should not be judged based for attraction. how comfortable could u be with a person and yet restraining urself if she's a friend? no restrain. no complain. my heart is staying put where it is. attracted? yeah but yet it sets its own boundaries. no restrain. it's wierd. never have i felt this way. peculiar. very peculiar feeling i'm having. is love coming my way? i dnt know. i'm not looking forward to it though. relationships right now are just blunders of life's attempts at testing ur mental weakness. dnt give in. it's better this way. [070903,2332hr]

exs what's it with exs? especially those who fucked u up once and it's like a matter of the past. everything is always abt forgive and forget. forgive and forget? forgive.. is easy. from my heart i could forgive someone. forget what that person did to u, is a whole different story. just try to forget ur partner JUST french kissing another person. what more have sex. i dont get it why they expect us to be nice still. let us turn the tables for ONCE.. what would u have done? what would u have felt? for once i would like to be in ur shoes. wonder what went thru that mind when u know the consequences. well, hell. ur in the upper hand anyway. isnt it? i was a CHOICE. i feel pain. i'm human too. u'll never know how much i suffered til it happens to u.[060903,0107hr]

digital camera how i wish i have an inbuilt camera in my eye. wouldnt that be fantastic? i'm saving up for a cam. wondering when it'll be. got a bargain from someone selling away an Oregon Scientific card cam for $70. wondering if that's worth it. should i buy it? someone give me some light on this. i'm looking for somehting really cheap actually. it'll be nice if i could have the cam for $50. shoosh. gonna go to the fair tomorrow and check things out. sim lim too i guess. how much is that cammy at the window.. lalala.[040903,2342hr]

numbness sometimes u just feel like u cant think of new ideas. well, u are actually. every single new thought is an idea. i guess sometimes i try too hard to be original. i try too hard to make a statement. i try too hard to think. it should be like drinking water. subconscious. i cant seem to get ideas flowing these days. dunno why. lack of stimulation? mind stimulation that is? hmm someone.. bring me back to the obvious.[040903,0109hr]

dian inspired is the word to describe me now. dian's face came in the papers today. she did extremely well for her course of study. it got me thinking i'm 1.5 yrs dued of graduation and she's like the top 5%. i feel shamed yet inspired to do really well for my last semester in sch. it's different when u know someone who's done really well than if u dont. it keeps u in check of urself. totally different perspective. usually i read and i dnt really care or anything. today, it just struck me hard. i'm really happy for her. i'll keep the article everywhere i go. thanx for inspiring me dear. *hugs*[020903,1107hr]

boring saturday afternoon it makes u wanna sleep. that's why i wanna go out today. gosh. i hate it when i make no full use of my body to sweat when i'm in front of the comp doing nothing. clean up the house today by myself. that's so far the only exercise i did today. urgh. fat. i sound like a girl. one thing i dont get abt girls.. why do they tell u they are fat when they are not? and when u think they're just looking for attention, they actually do all sorts of bulimic anorexic thingees to lose weight. never too satisfied with themselves arent they? indecisive lil people. *shuts his mouth* hope to go to town later to catch the gig. at least i'm doing something today.[300803,1555hr]

NEWS... suit against HDB settled out of court the government's just taking it slow man. a seepage through the walls since 1994 and they're still not done with it? does it need a court ruling to finally make them do something ard here?|1998 Jurong blast still a mystery after 5 years and without a clue. someone's exporting hazardous materials ard here. could it have meant to kill people during the morning bus wait to work? instead of blasting a bus stop filled with people, that poor old man must have tampered with the box. indirectly, he just saved the lives of a lot of innocent people. imagine if the bomb had exploded later? i'd call him a hero. [280803,1122hr]

mars starlight star bright. first star i see tonite. i wish i may. i wish i might. *may my wish come true tonight?* something like that i guess to end a delightfully slp tite wish for lil kids. well it makes sense still right? was out this evening with my parents and lil sibs to mount faber to see mars. mars is just this bright star we see from below. just a bright star. a really bright one indeed. imagine the last time that red planet was closest to earth. 3 A.D.? wow. i expected it to be some spectacular red looking orb. somethng like the moon just smaller and red. it turned out to be a non-twinkling star. amusing but what a letdown. [280803,0126hr]

tired and pissed off ok.. i'm feeling damn shitty abt my comp. i've not finished this website but those who have seen it. go ahead. read what i have in mind. u can even post ur comments beside this entry. i dunno why i cant seem to be able to view websites these days on my internet explorer. fuck this piece of shit. i'm killing it tomorrow. better go leave a note for my bro to 'rescue' his mp3s. i'm killing u tomorrow.. hear that? i'm killing YOU.[270803,0243hr]