Tu July 26, 2005  06:54 p.m.
oh so happy day ^_^
wee.
today's a very very HAPPY day for me! ^_^
im still smiling right now! haha.
why?
maybe because i think it is so and that i want it to be and i treat it is as one.
it's all in the mind.
and when the mind is set, you'll look more cheerful and more energetic :D
then things would go out right.
you'll think right
you'll move carefree
you'd really look happy and people around you might also get happy
if you really want something and you wish hard for it.. i think you'll really get it.
well, yeaterday i wished so hard that this day will be a good one.. a happy one..
i wished hard and i put my mind, my heart, myself into it..
and it tunred out as i hoped for.
yey. a very happy zy ^_^

first of all..
i woke up early than usual :D
6:30am.
and i guess i woke up smiling.
and thinking of musician/maiden :D
hugging my pillow tight as if it was musician/maiden.
then i got up..
did my morning bathroom rituals.
then ate breakfast.
then fixed my stuff.
then off for school.
^_^
my first class is PE.
volleyball that is.
and my next class was cancelled.
with that, i stayed after PE and played without me worrying that i'll be late! :D
PE class went out well.
we had tossing drills.
after PE, i stayed to play with my other classmates.
and i played well.
had a couple of good spikes and services and receptions.
a very good play indeed :D
add the fact that my crush was watching me.. [i think].. and that's like.. BIIIGGG SMILE!!! haha ^____^
after playing.. i changed my clothes and watched the other PE classes which we will be competing with at the interclass games with Pines.
and the only team we found challenging was the class after us.
but i guess they lack a setter. haha.

after that, i went to CASAA to eat lunch.
then.. i walked with mel to math building.
then met val[hugged her]+gelai on the way with daryl and Ed but the 2 didnt even say hi.. owel. haha.
then math.
oh math.
haha.
for the first time, i liked our math class.
why?
our teacher made us solve a work problem which involved systems of linear equations.
i forgot how to do work problems but i still got through with it and i was able to answer it!!! :D
when our teacher said that those who want pass may do so..
now.. "Dulo" stood up first..
["dulo" is the person that i so hate in our math class]
so.. i also stood up.
we came from both ends of the front of the classroom and we looked as if we were going to duel.
haha. carlo T. laughed at the way i walked..
he said i looked as if "akala mo lang ikaw ah!"-look
and.. that was really my point in doing that.
then soon after.. juanchi also passed his work.
it was only the three of us who passed.
then the teacher discussed it on the board.
and poof!! i was correct!! ^_^
he then mentioned that of the 3 who passed a paper, only two were correct.
i hastily asked juanchi what his answer was..
we had the same answer!!! and that made me "BUWAHAHAHAH!!!!!"
that means "dulo" is wrong!!!
WAHAHAHAHAH!!!!
the feeling of victory was SSOOOO GOOD!!!! haha.
T-R-I-U-M-P-H!!
wahahha.
>:D

then after walking towards AS..
juanchi and carlo P was guessing carlo T's crush[?]
he gave some clues..
and i pondered over them while walking..
before we reached AS, i asked carlo T a question and that confirmed that.. well.. i got who his crush[?] is!!! WAHAHA!!
note: juanchi and carlo P were still clueless .. :P

then.. chem lec..
we had a quiz that was fairly easy and it covered the topic which i knew and not the other which i didnt study about!! haha.
then.. kas1 was just some lectures..

after class.. i went to the AS steps and there i met today's birthday celebrant..
happy birthday NiNa!!! ^_^

then.. walked with her to kalay with datu..
and then went home.
then im right here now..
blogging about this oh so wonderful day.
and still smiling ^__^
and still thinking of musician/maiden.. ^___^


but ofcourse.. today's isnt just a purely happy day..
only a few incidents are err.. not that happy..
like, that i wasnt able to photocopy the sig sheet for VC because the xerox place was closed at the times i went to it..
it was very very hot.. though it rained..
my group in panpil19 will still hold a meeting tomorrow eventhough we didnt have class this past monday..
[there'll be a UP vball game at the same time as our meeting]
and our Geol exam will push through on Thursday eventhough we didnt finish discussions.. !@#$

ohwell.
still..
i consider this day to be an oh-so-happy-day!!! ^___^


current music: In Your Arms Tonight - Kince
current mood: HAPPY.. very happy ^_^
current thought: musician/maiden.. <3 <3
current need: musician/maiden <3 haha :P and money pala. :P

                     Su, July 24, 2005  11:16 p.m.
i wish i was royalty..
i am confused.
i really like the knight.
the knight who ushers the princess to the castle.
but i also seem to be infatuated with the musician.
the one who serenades the princess to sleep.
but then again, how about the jester?
the one who really makes the princess laugh?

maybe i just like the knight because he's brave.
he's built.
maybe i just like the musician because he's good.
he's really sweet.
maybe i just like the jester because he's funny.
he makes me happy.

oh how i wish to be the princess
whom the knight escorts.
how i wish to be the princess
whom the musician plays for.
i wish to be the princess
whom the jester makes faces for.

how i wish i was a royalty.
so that i could just pick anybody.
anytime i want.
but im just a commoner.
nothing sort of a princess.
oh how i wish to be a princess.


i am confused.
i really like the dame.
the dame beside the prince's throne.
but i also seem to be infatuated with this dancer.
the one who entertains the prince at noon.
but then again.. how about the maiden?
the one who serves the prince's banquet?

maybe i just like the dame because she's very pretty.
she's really gorgeous.
maybe i just like the dancer because she dances good.
she's very graceful.
maybe i just like the maiden because she's so down to earth.
she's really very shy.

oh how i wish to be the prince
whom the dame fans.
how i wish to be the prince
whom the dancer moves for.
i wish to be the prince
whom the maiden serves.

how i wish i was a royalty.
so that i could just pick anybody.
anytime i want.
but im just a commoner.
nothing sort of a prince.
oh how i wish to be a prince.

                     We, July 20, 2005  10:36 p.m.
wee. fun fun.
weee. i acquired a copy of HP6!! :D
illegally.
WAHAHA.
although hindi ko na rin nagamit yung nakuha ko kasi may nakuha rin yung kuya ko na nasa pda at since mas madali basahin yun at portable naman.. yun na binabasa ko! ^_^
badtrip nga eh!
nung hiniram ko yung isang pda ni kuya para ilipat dun yung HP6, sinabi ba naman sakin kung ano yung mangyayari!!!
!@#$$#^$
at dahil mabait pa ako.. ehh.. di ko na sasabihin dito.. hehe.
rawr.
lalalala. chapter 5 pa lang ako. haha.


kanina nga pala Vday! :D
so nagmeet ang VC at nagpunta sa amorsolo court at nagbuddy bidding at "naglaro"
haay.
walanya yang buddy bidding na yan!!
haha.
i only tried to bid for four people.
yung una kay kuya ivan.
pero masyado nang mataas yung bid so di ko na rin siya nakuha. haha.
yung isa naman err.. basta kay ate na naka-yellow.
haha. akma ang aming free times at mukhang friendly so gusto ko siya.. pero nung umabot na ng 500+ yung bid eh.. ayoko na. haha.
then next was err.. ate jofF?geof? basta yung maputing chinese-looking girl na pretty. at dahil maganda siya.. puchexx!! umabot ng 800 yung bid sakaniya!!! x__X i wanted her kasi sakto sked niya sa sked ko at syempre.. kalog eh.
than last was kuya gabby.
err.. sabi nila cute. pero di ko type. HAHA. x__X
pero syete. gustong gusto ko na maglaro kaya gusto ko na ng buddy!! [yung may buddy kasi pwede na maglaro] edi talagang kinuha ko na siya!! last bid ko 570 sabay humirit pa si jet ng 580!! i hestited if i'll go for 600 pero ayun.. "..goin once, going twice.. SIX HUNDRED!!!" hahah. X__X
putek yan. 600 for a buddy????
well. gusto ko na maglaro eh!! haha.
pero it paid off naman.
it turns out. sexy pala siya kahit hindi gaanong cute!! HAHAA
kasi after playing.. i saw him na nagpapaypay using his shirt. tapos ayun. syete.. abs =P~ hahaha
darn. i go die-hard on a person basta sexy. HAHA :P
pero. mukhang wala siya masyadong free times. pero ok. lang.
eheh.
this saturday meron kaming UBE.
ulitimate bonding experience. hehe
magbbowling kami sa superbowl sa may katips.
o diba? ang volleyball club ay magbbowling!! haha
syete.
i need to save money na.
ang gastos eh.
andaming mga dapat puntahan tuwing weekends.
ang gastos ko pa sa pagkain
tapos ang mahal pa nung bid ko sa aking buddy.
rawr.
pero ok lang.
sexy talaga eh. =P~~
LOL.


hmm. mukhang hindi ko na rin itutuloy ang chem soc.
haha. next sem or next year na lang.
kakareerin ko muna ang VC.
sorry chem soc.
it turns out na mas priority ko parin ang volley kesa sa acads. haha x__X


wala lang.
now back to reading HP6 ^_^


current music: think of me
current mood: HaPpY!!
current thought: hmm. papatol kaya si buddy?? DEHH!!! J/K!!
current need: MONEY. at fafa. HAHAHAHA.
dehh. jowk lan :P

                     Tu, July 18, 2005  11:03 p.m.
wala lang.
my volleyball skils are deteriorating.
haha. x__X
wala na.
kanina nung PE class edi may drills.
yung drill na may nagsserve tapos may dalawang receivers.
una, groups namin yung nagrreceive.
mejo maayos naman mga reception ko.
pero after that, ako naatasang magserve.
kasabay ko si kuya justine.
team B siya ng varsity.
haha.
kahiya.
yung mga first 3 services ko puro net!!
rawr.
although umayos pero pilit na ayos.
puro floater.
pero umayos ulit.
kulang lang pala ng follow-through.
after nung drill sabi sakin nung kabilang group,
ang lakas ko daw mag-serve!
ang sakit daw ng mga braso nila!! hahaha
after nun..
nag-game kami.
pero syempre dapat kasi makalaro lahat
so hindi kami makapag-all-out.
kinailangang hatiin namin yung mga "magagaling"
ka-team ko si kuya justine.
ok naman.
may isa akong WOW drop.
pero meron din akong stupid super lakas spike straight to the net.
sheesh.
tapos sabay pagdating nung service ko.
puchaxx!! BOBO.
parang newbie akong trying-hard mag overhead service!!!
kakahiya.
pero ok lang.
maayos naman depensa ko.
buti nalang mabait si kuya justine.
pero mas gusto ko paring team mate si kuya choq.
haha. :P
ang kyut kasi eh! DEHH!! haha.
he's the "makulit na cute" person.
wala lang.


weee.
lumabas na yung results nung 1st exam sa chem.
and second highest ako.
haha. SA CLASS NAMIN!
haay. wish ko lang sa buong chem16 diba? haha.
ewan.
dapat maging masaya na ako sa score ko pero sa totoo lang mejo disappointed pa ako sa sarili ko.
ewan. kasi alam kong i can do better.
highest sa class namin 146/150. highest sa chem16 ay 149/150 i got 141 out of 150.
puro carelessness yung iba.
yung tanggap ko lang na mali sa test ko ay yung napagbaliktad ko ang charle's at boyle's law. kasi hindi ko naman talaga alam ang difference nun. haha. alam ko lang basta PV=nRT.
pero for the rest, naasar ako sa sarili ko.
well.
on second thoughts dapat nga pala ay maging masaya talaga ako.
haha.
duhh.
di nga pala ako nakapag-aral masyado.
the night before nakatulog ako habang nagbabasa ng chapter one.
nakapag-aral lang ako 11:00am hanggang 12:00.
and then may konting review yung class namin nung 1:00-3:00
yun lang aral ko. haha.
so dapat pala maging masaya ako.
basides.. 141/150 ay 94% hehe.
uno pa naman yata yun sa chem eh. eheh.
sorry. GC nanaman ako.
wala naman na kasi akong iba pang aatupagin kundi pag-aaral eh.
asa pa ako sa varsity.
asa pa akong magkasignificant other.
asa pa akong umasa.
haha. labo.
kaya acads na lang talaga mamahalin ko x__X


hmm.
mukhang hindi ko nanaman itutuloy ang pagcchemsoc ko.
magqquit na yung iba eh.
mahirap daw kasi yung pinapagawa sa festival week.
actually mahirap nga talaga.
kailangan nasa chemsoc tambayan na by 6am para magdecorate!
tapos 5pm until 8pm dapat nakatambay kami nang naka-costume! tapos may mga performance eklavu pa!
tapos yung costume may mga theme-theme pa!
masaya sana pero soobrang hassle eh.
so ayun.
im having second thoughts on applying for chem soc again.
buti na nga lang di ko pa nagagawa yung sig sheet.
kundi.. sayang. hhaha.
kung magquit si celine baka hindi ko na nga ituloy.
next year na lang siguro.
for now..
i'll focus na lang sa VC. :D
volleyball club.
hehe.
di ko pa alam kung ano dapat gawin.
basta meron kaming Vday.
at bukas yun!
maglalaro daw.
pero alam ko may mga sigsheets din.
di ko nga lang alam kung dapat malandi rin yung sigsheet dun.
pero malamang kakareerin ko yun!
volleyball club yun eh. VOLLEYBALL.
at least kung di man ako magvvarsity..
at least VC ako. hehe :P


may isa pa nga pala akong sasalihang org.
PROGAY!
hehe. sinabihan lang ako ni david.
sabi niya punta lang daw tapos sign up tapos konting briefing then voila! member na.
siguro ganun kadali kasi sabi nga ni david ay namatay na yung org tapos ngayon lang ulit binubuhay.
so in effect, magiging founding member ako if ever! hehe ^_^
sabi ni david its an org that fights for the rights of gays.
so i think dapat lang na sumali kao dun diba?
tapos syempre hatak na rin dito si gelai pati si nic pati si val. haha!
owel.


kanina nagtanong sakin mom ko.
how many seconds are there in a year daw.
ha!
naalala ko si pizza.
kasi nung err. 3rd year ba yun?
basta parang ganun sa isang test tinatanong how many minutes naman in a year tapos kumakanta siya nung "525,600 minutes.. how do you measure, measure a year.."
wala lang.
nung tinanong ko kung para saan.
assignment nila jek!!
WHADAAHEL??
grade 1 lang yun. tapos ganun assignment?
sheesh. labo.
haaay.
pero wala lang ulit.
naaawa ako kay jek. haha.
kasi naman.
mejo pnpressure siya ng mom ko sa pag-aaral.
o diba? grade 1 pa lang pressured na?
kasi gusto niya yata maging kagaya ko eh.
yung achiever since gradeschool.
haha. genius ako eh. dehh.
so ayun. wala lang.
pinapagalitan lagi tuwing mali sa mga tests and stuff.
dati ang sipag-sipag nun. pero ngayon tinatamad na.
wala lang.


nung monday pa pala umalis si cassy.
pero before she left, natawagan ko pa siya sa cel.
that was about 1130am.
so i called just to say goodbye.
haay. sad.
no more cassy for me. :(


tapos may nababalita pang isa kong close friend na aalis din!! tsktsk.
kasi naman pumasa pa sa ano eh. haha.
owel. kung tumuloy man siya, i'd be happy for her..
pero syempre malulungkot ng soobra.
heehee. blind item ano? wala lang.


o diba ang daming beses lumabas yung "wala lang"
hehe. wala lang. haha x___X


current music: constantly - mymp.
current mood: wala lang. indifferent?
current thought: this is where love ends. but i know it'll find its way back. :(
current need: i need someone to love. someone who'd love me back.

i need to make someone happy. someone who'd make me happy. i need love. i miss the feeling of being in love. i miss the feeling of being loved. but then again, im afraid to open up. im afraid to reveal myself. im afraid to lay myself bare, free from everything. im afraid that if i expose my heart, it'll just be broken.. again.
*sniff sniff* hey.. im serious.
but im not yet desperate.
just serious enough to be lonely.

                     Su, July 17, 2005  10:31 p.m.
para kay daisy!
17 things i like about you.

i like the way you make kwento.
your kwentos are really long
that we sleep through it.
i like the way you pick your clothes.
they're really fashionable and cool
that i'd borrow 'em if only they'll fit!
i like your cd collection
i can borrow them and pirate them all.
i like it when you stand near me
that way i'll look really tall.
i like the way you like pistachio
eventhough i dont really like pistachio at all.
i like the way you get addicted
to angel or gilmore girls or buffy
i like the way you do stuff
they're usually late coz you're OC
i like your car which makes us hatid
i like your house which makes us overnight
i like your parents and you know why
i like the way you laugh
it's loud and it's weird.
i like the way you dance
i only learned from you. yes i did!
i like the way you cheer
your school spirit is what people need
i like the way you like your boys
coz it really makes us kilig
i like the way you hate people
it makes us hate them too.
i like the way you love us
we love you too.
lastly, i like you to stop eating
coz boys might give you a BOO.


nyak nyak. wala lang. hehe :P
HappY BirthdaY DaisY!!

laaabyooh!!
*huuugzzz*

                     Su, July 17, 2005  09:36 p.m.

astig ang UP!
haha. wala lang.
astig eh!
tinalo ang DLSU!! ^_^
tapos tinalo rin NU.
so 3-0 na!!
yey!!

tapos kanina, double win pa!
panalo men's and women's volleyball!
against UST and NU respectively.
yahu!

graabeeh.
idol ko talaga ang UP vball team.
haay. kelan kaya ako magiging kasing galing nila?? haha x__X
maging team B man lang sakin ayus na ko dun!!haha.
sila kuya choq team b. wala lang.
pero magaling sila.
pero kaya ko rin maging ganun!
someday.
haha :P

ay!
we just had our first long exam sa chem nung saturday!
and wohoo!!
i think i did good naman.
=D

weee.
birthday nga pala ngayon ni dais at ni gellie!
wee! HaPpY BiRthDaY!!!! :D :D :D
kanina dais treated us lunch at burgoo sa powerplant!
and i think banned na kami dun!! WAHAH.
kasi soobrang gulo+ingay namin!!
well what do you expect nga naman kapag nagsama-sama kami diba? haha.
may nagcomplain na raw na ibang customers! haha.
tapos nakatapon pa ako ng iced tea. x__X
yung katabing table naman namin, ang OA!
as if naman kasi nabasa siya!
eh nakita ko naman yung mga droplets di naman umaabot sakaniya!
tss. feeling classy. eh ang tanda naman na niya.
hmm.. baka kasi menopause na. DEEHH!!! WAHAHA.
see? evil kami. or ako lang ba yun? hehe. :P
eniwei..
wee. thank you dais!!
dapat bar na lang eh!! dehh!! hahaha :P
*huggzz*
and the unforgettable line na dapat kasama sa 17 things we like about daisy...
i like the way you hate people 'coz it makes us hate them too..
wahaha ^_^
[pero di nila sinama eh!! tsktsk. haha]
waabbsshhyuu! :P

haay.
itutuloy ko na nga ba talaga ang pagsali sa chem soc?
na-frustrate ako kasi ang pangit nung pagkakaxerox ng sigsheet ko eh!!
haha. dahil lang dun. haha. X__X
wee. nagsyn-up din nga pala ako sa Volleyball club.
sana matanggap ako. hehe.

rawr.
nakakapagod.
nakakapagod mag-aral.
kahit hindi naman talaga nag-aaral. WAAHAHA.

*aww* cassy's leaving on tuesday na.
*sad* =(
i'll miss you cassy!!
*hugzz*


o..
i did a "research" sa song na sinabi nila jb na maganda.
wala lang.
at astig nga lyrics. hehe.
it's cannonball by Damien Rice.

Still a little bit of your taste in my mouth
Still a little bit of you laced with my doubt
Still a little hard to say what's going on

Still a little bit of your ghost your witness
Still a little BIT of your face I haven't kissed
You step a little closer EACH DAY
Still I can't SAY what's going on

Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannonball

Still a little bit of your song in my ear
Still a little bit of your words I long to hear
You step a little closer TO ME
So close that I can't see what's going on

Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannon

Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to cry
So come on courage!
Teach me to be shy
'Cause it's not hard to fall
And I don't WANNA scare her
It's not hard to fall
And I don't wanna lose
It's not hard to grow
When you know that you just don't know


current music: constantly - MYMP. [wala pa kasi ako mp3 ng cannonball eh.]
current mood: hmm. mood ba ang tired?
current thought: darn. nasaan na yung imesh? di tuloy ako maka-dl ng cannonball.
current need: imesh. pera. pera. haha.

                     W, July 13, 2005  10:36 p.m.
stolen from mr. rey ^_~
DISCLAIMER: WALA AKONG KINIKILINGAN. HINDI AKO PRO OR ANTI. DUN LANG AKO SA TAMA. onga pala, sa mga sawa na sa mga political rantings, look away. this is as political as i can be.

alam niyo sa lahat ng mga gagong pulitikong nagsasalita sa tv, si WINNIE MONSOD lang ang may sense. siya lang ung nag-iisip talaga. siya lang ung may utak.
...
seryoso sa mga panahong ito, dito mo talaga makikita kung sino ang walanghiya. dito mo makikita kung anong klaseng pamunuan meron tayo. dito mo makikita kung sino ang mga nag-iisip para sa bansa natin. hindi na ko magpapaligoy ligoy pa. sasabihin ko na lahat ng gusto kong sabihin.

UNANG UNA. kung gusto niyong mag resign yung presidente, karapatan nyo yan. PERO ANAK NG PUTAKTE, kung ayaw niyang mag resign, wag kayong manakot ng rally! karapatan nya un! nakakabwisit na nanggugulo lang kayo e. oo may karapatan kayong mag voice ng opinion nyo. pero respetuhin nyo din ung saligang batas! gusto nyo kase wala nang due process e.. gusto nyo tanggal nalang agad! mabilisan! baket? kase alam nyo pag nagka impeachment pwdeng makalusot e diba? un lang talaga un diba? gusto nyo kayo na mamuno.
...
SUMISIGAW NA KO SA KINAUUPUAN KO! DUE PROCESS!

e anak ng teteng kung kayo kaya gumawa ng "SUPREME SACRIFICE"? WAG KAYONG MANGGULO!

SINISIGAW KO SA UPUAN KO! DUE PROCESS!

IMEE MARCOS! ang pinakamamahal ng lahat ng pilipinong si IMEE MARCOS. biruin mo ba naman ang kapal ng muka pumuntang makati, ang kapal ng muka na mag rally. gusto kong sumigaw sa harapan ng tv screen:

"E ANG KAPAL NAMAN PALA NG PAGMUMUKA MO E! KAYA NAMAN TAYO ANDITO SA SHIT NA TO IN THE FIRST PLACE E DAHIL SA KAHAYUPAN NG TATAY MO E!"

MGA HAYUP. AKALA MO KUNG SINONG MATITINO E MAY POLITIKAL AGENDA NAMAN LAHAT. GUSTO MONG PALITAN UNG PINUNO, MIGHT AS WELL CHANGE THE WHOLE SYSTEM WHILE UR AT IT!

eto panawagan sa mga pilipino. mag isip kayong mabuti. isipin nyo kung ano ang tamang gawin. wag kayong magpapadala sa mga nangyayari sa likod ng pulitika. tumiwalag si ano, tumiwalag si ganyan. HINDI MGA BAYANI ANG MGA ITO. may mga kanya kanyang political agenda ang mga iyan. wag magpapaloko. OO FLAWED ANG JUSTICE SYSTEM NATIN. pero dapat nating manalig dito. sibilisado tayong mga tao. hindi tayo bayan ng mga barbaro.

HINDI KO KINAKAMPIHAN SI GLORIA. MALAKAS ANG KUTOB KO NA MAY SALA SIYA. 99%! PERO HANGGAT WALA TAYONG NAPAPATUNAYAN, PLS LANG. RESPETO SA SALIGANG BATAS. GANITO ANG STAND KO NOON KAY ERAP KAHIT 100% ANTI-ERAP AKO, GANITO ANG STAND KO NGAYON. KUNG SAKALING MAGKALOKOHAN SA IMPEACHMENT HEARINGS, THEN COUNT ME IN SA PEOPLE POWER SA EDSA.

sa huli, sa lahat ng pinagagagawa natin, walang panalo. lahat tayo apektado. at isa pa. wala nang sisihan pwde? magtulungan nalang tayo. walang tutulong satin kundi tayo lang mismo. MAGKAISA. bata matanda may ngipin o wala. lahat tayo pilipino. kung ano ang poblema ng isa, poblema ng lahat.

--------------------------------
naastigan ka ba?
i posted it here coz i was.
want to read the whole thing? just click here!!
or click the title :P

                     Mo, July 11, 2005  11:00 p.m.
a feeling of insanity.
WARNING.
explicit words.
Parental Guidance should be avoided.
Read with discretion.
..don't say you weren't warned.

i am fictional.
i do not exist.
i only belong.
to a parallel oblivion.

how does it feel to be molested?
to be molested by the very people you trust.
people whom you've shared thoughts with, people you've done favors with, yet they are the very people who took advantage of your weakness.

sad? well not really.
it actually brings forth confusion.
speaking from a queer's not so queer's point of view, it will bring confusion.
there'll be an internal conflict battling either wanting to grab the opportunity or let it pass.
a queer looking for a straight man to do with would really have a hard time looking. all he has are lots of guy friends to fantasize of but he doesn't. simply because they're his friends. but what if the friends he actually respected are the ones who wanted to do fantasy with him?
you would consider that queer guy lucky.
he may be envied by other ka-federacion or even by women!
but for that not so queer guy?
confusion.
sure he's been wanting to.
but he restrains himself.
for goodness' sake! that's his friend who wants to fuck him!
well, actually it's better if it was a friend to fuck with but.. i dont know. it's hard to explain.
yes yes yes. it's a personal experience.
and it is hard to share.

maybe i exaggerate a little.
but my thoughts while that happened?
ha!
i felt a little spur of excitement!
happiness maybe. but i resisted it.
the guy FORCED me to do stuff.
but i resisted.
i did not give in to lust.
i did not give in to the want of my body or HIS. [haha. x_X]
he grabbed my hand.
he attempted to kiss.
i moved my face away.
i felt his lips touch my ear.
i twitched.
he unzipped his fly.
he unbuttoned his pants.
he held my hand.
he tried to put it inside his underwear.
i tried to fight it.
with much force.
THIS is it!
how come im that stupid?
he wants me to touch him.
why wont i?
will i?
will i not?
i will.
NO! i won't.
it really brought me a feeling of insanity.
my thoughts were all in a blur.
my head hurts from the all the thoughts.
my arms hurt from fighting HIS strength.

at last.
he gave up.
he might've become tired after that sudden rush of adrenaline.
i thought i'd be happy since he stopped.
but why do i feel low?
do i really want to do want he wants me to?
why not?
we'll both be happy after it anyway.
but will i be really happy after that?
maybe immediately after it yes.
but how about the day after? the week after?
guilt?
morale?
i don't know.
it's hard to battle with yourself.
it's more tiring than keeping your hands from another hand pulling it toward his pants.
it's confusing.
it just gives me the feeling of insanity.

but. i am fictional.
i do not exist.
i only belong.
to a parallel oblivion.
i am not real.


weee. ^_^
comments comments please :D
mukha bang totoo?
oy it's true not ah!
haha. that's fiction my dear ^_^
hmm.
maybe this is what i get after rereading Gaydar by Danton Remoto[?].
now i want Ladlad1 and Ladlad2!!!
haha ^_^

now, for the PEOPLE CONCERNED.
[you know who you are.]
just shut up.
haha ^_^

                     Su, July 10, 2005  10:24 p.m.
circles. my heart and my mind are cirles.
i am senseless.
i cannot feel.
i think i'm dying.
help me please.

i have started moving away.
that is, from you.
but then i keep falling back.
back to you.

i keep huting myself.
slowly killing myself
painfully tearing my heart.
you have taken, liven,
torned my heart.

now i am senseless.
i cannot feel.
i am restless.
i cannot sleep.

thinking of you.
you have me unrested.
and for loving you.
you had me arrested?

and now i fall away from you.
i run away from you.
yet i fall back
still to you.

then i realized
i was just running in circles,
always going back to you.

                     Su, July 10, 2005  09:04 p.m.
ouch. my feet are hurting me. x__X
haha. shuxxx.
i cant feel my lower limbs anymore!
haha.
kasi nga we went to manila for the group activity thing right? and we walked the whole time!! well, akmost. haha.
under that radiating, slowly killing rays of the sun, + the treacherous uneven terrain that my shoes can't really walk on + my stupid socks that keep on falling + stupid me bringing a jacket + stupid me losing my fan
=
kalyo sa paa + limbs na wala nang nararamdaman + sakit ng ulo + ubos pera para sa inumin + the wet uneasy feeling + the paranoid "mabaho na ba ako" feeling + i want to go home na attitude + bonding with your groupmates.
hehe :P

graabe.
as in nilakad lang namin from the entrance papuntang balwarte de san diego[?] which is on the opposite end pa. then lakad ulit papuntang casa manila. tapos lakad parin papauntang plaza isabel[?] then lakad parin to the manila cathedral and plaza de roma[?}. then lakad papuntang chowking. haha. then lakad papuntang fort santiago. then lakad around fort santiago. then lakad papuntang st. augustin parish and museum. then lakad around it. then lakad papuntang bahay tsinoy. [wohoo!! nakita ko si mon!! ^_^ pati si ate joanna(04/souki-let)] then lakad ulit papuntang sakayan then jeep papuntang national museum. pero mali yung nababaan namin so lakad ulit!! x____X
phew.
ansakit na talaga ng paa ko. haha.
kasi naman eh. pasaway ako eh. haha.
feeling ko kinarma ako. haha.
kasi diba bawal magtake ng pictures dun sa ibang museums? haha. i still did. wahaha :P
lalala.
pero ayun. masaya naman kahit papaano.
pero sooobrang pagod lang talaga.
yung sa last leg [haha. parang amazing race] nga eh soobrang nagmadali kami kasi nakarating kami sa national museum 4pm. and it closes at 4:20! haha.

then hinatid ko pa si julie sa may buendia coz she doesnt know how. haha. wala lang.


then i went to gateway shempre. hehe :P
and oh! oh! oh!
shuxxx.
may bago ang timezone dun.
may PARAPARA na siya!!!!
WOOHOOO!!! hahahahah
kaya lang hindi ko nalaro kanina kasi unavailable daw.
pero it's called paraparadancing. not paraparadise. wala lang. haha.
weird. parang yung dancemaniax. ginawa nilang dancefreakz.
hmm. freakz! haha.

waaah. di ko pa rin napapanood fantastic four. pati batman. =(
owel. ililibre naman ako ng pinsan ko on tuesday haha! :P nood kaming f4 :D yey. haha.


after gateway, syempre uwi tapos kain tapos simba ;)
o diba? nagpapakabanal.
*kunwari* hahah :P

alam niyo ba after the mass?
kasi i am one of the people na pumunta sa may aisle para ma-bisahan nung priest after the mass. pagkatapos ako ma-bless, edi palabas na ako. tapos may guy na naka-kneel at nagdadasal *yata* tapos nagtinginan kami. tapos wala lang. eh that time eh kumakanta pa yung choir. so tingin ako ng tingin din sa choir. pero nung isa ko pang tingin [after passing the guy na naka-kneel] eh, nagkatinginan ulit kami!! waaah. hahaha. then after nun, syempre before i go eh i'll dip my fingers dun sa holy water thingy then sign of the cross tapos tingin sa tabernacle. pero nagkatinginan parin ulit kami. HAHA. tapos after nun. hindi na niya tinanggal tingin niya sakin. lumabas na ako. tapos habang naglalakad, nakita ko bumili siya ng sampaguita. wala lang. haha. paglabas ko ng gate ng church, nakita ko nakatingin parin sakin x_X malapit na ako sa house namin. siya naman sumusunod. tapos nakarating na ako sa house namin. siya, papunta. nung pagpasok ko, i made my last glance at nakatingin parin siya. WAHAHAHA.

could it be? i fell for you and you fell for me?
WAHAHA. eehhh. naman. haha. mejo sinadya ko rin na bagalan ang paglalakad habang bumibili siya nung sampaguita eh. haha :P
kasi naman. bibihira lang yung guy-acting na you know. hahha =D tapos he's not that bad looking naman. actually mejo maayos pa nga itsura niya eh. WAHAHA. tapos malamang taga-dito lang rin sa may amin yun. lalalala.
hay naku.

me and my err. sexcapades. ay! i mean escapades. HAHA.
haay. wala pa nga yun actually. it was just a little bit of flirting. HAHA. you know the look deeply then look away style? then look again? haha. well, it worked for me. WAHAHA!! syete. at to think kakatapos ko lang magsimba nun!! HAHA.

i gotta stop this.
i need to study instead. haha.
*yeah right*


current music: the sound of F1 cars. wee. 3rd si raikkonen.
current mood: happy pero tired pero curious. haha.
current thought: hmm. what if hinintay ko yung guy at nag-usap kami?WAHAHA. x___X
current need: sleep. ulit. haha.

                     Su, July 10, 2005  01:24 a.m.
soar high. feel the drums.
u na i ba e ra sa i da a da
na ga pa i la i pa i na a sa!!


wohhooo!!!!!!!!!
syete. i never thought watching a basketball game would be this thrilling. haha.

yep, i watched the opening of the 68th season of UAAP.
with their theme[?] SOAR HIGH.
and with kyla singing the theme twice. x__X

syete! eto ang college life!! haha!! :P

oh mehh gasshh.
i can still hear the drums until now!!!

u! nibersidad! ng pilipinas!
u! nibersidad! ng pilipinas!
u! nibersidad! ng pilipinas!
u! nibersidad! ng pilipinas!
matatapang.
matatalino.
walang takot.
kahit kanino.
hinding hindi.
magpapahuli.
ganyan kaming.
mga taga-UP!
u! nibersidad! ng pilipinas!
u! nibersidad! ng pilipinas!
u! nibersidad! ng pilipinas!
u! nibersidad! ng pilipinas!
UHHH!!
*drum roll* 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12.
let's go UP!
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12.
let's go UP!
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12.
let's go UP!
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12.
let's go UP!


WWOOOOO!!
haha!
soobrang saya niya pramis!!
UP vs. UST.
idagdag mo pa na nanalo ang UP!!
haha! :P
and we came from behind!
at nanalo pa under 3 minutes na tambak like err. 9pts? tama ba? 6?
ewan. basta!!
syete.
i really want to be part of the UP pep squad!!
*need to practice* haha
*need to learn to split*
hahaha. ^_^


weee.
M A R O O N S.
fighting maroons!
M A R O O N S.
fighting maroons!
go fight!
go win!
go fight!
fighting maroons!
go fight!
go win!
go fight!
fighting maroons!
oooh! fighting maroons!
oooh! fighting maroons!
oooh! fighting maroons!
go! fight! fighting maroons!



heeey!!
UP go!
UP fight!
hey let's go let's fight!
heeey!!
UP go!
UP fight!
hey let's go let's fight!
heeey!!
UP go!
UP fight!
hey let's go let's fight!



hahaha. na-LSS sa mga cheers! haha x__X


see? kahit na galing na ako sa despedida, the cheers are still stuck in my head!! ahaha.

nga pala.
awww.
they'll be leaving na. :(
kirsten and cassy would go to NUS.
tapos martin and emzo naman sa MIT.
sad.
pero syempre, rather than "mourning" let's celebrate! haha.
*always look on the bright side of life* [whistles] hehe.ü
alam naman natin na with the better education and experience that they'll gain from their respective schools, they'll have a better edge and mas matutulungan pa nila lalo ang Pilipinas. o diba?

basta wala lang kalimutan. :P
dapat makabalik kayo ng safe.
safe with our chocolates and other pasalubongs!
wahaha. :P
luv ya four! ^_^
y'all will be missed. >:D< *hugz*

as we walk on into the world
i know i wont forget what you have taught me
what you've left in my heart,
i've changed, i thank you for it.
see you later. i love you.
*sniff sniff*

now feel the beat again!!!
ramdam niyo ba ang dagundong?
WOOHOO!!.
say U!
say P!
let's go!
cmon cmon!
say U!
say P!
let's go!
cmon cmon!

haha.
pagkatapos ng konting senti eh cheer ulit eh noh?
kasi naman eh! ganun talaga siya kaSAYA! ahha.:P

up fight!
up fight!
up fight!
up fight!
12 123 12 123 U! 12 123 12 123 P! 12 123 12 123 fight! UP fight! up fight!
up fight!
up fight!
up fight!
12 123 12 123 U! 12 123 12 123 P! 12 123 12 123 fight! UP fight!

hay naku.
enough na nga of these.
2:30 na at ang dami ko pang kelangan gawin.
well, hindi naman.
i-aarange ko lang yung itinerary namin for tomorrow.
yung groupmates ko kasi sa KAS1, pupunta sa intamuros tapos may hahanaping mga place chuva chuva museum eklavu.
my problem is..
we'll meet at 7am!!!! oh shit!
sana lang magising pa ako!!
im tired.
all out cheering sa uaap.
plus all out singing and eating sa despedida.
haha.
ayan. inubo na tuloy ako. x__X

owel.
i need to start doing that na.
OR. i need to sleep na.


..
ok. i choose the latter.
wAHAHA!
byeee :P


current music: UP cheers. haha. ^_^
current mood: estatic but sleepy.
current thought: ang dami ko pang kelanga gawin! shete. at kailangan ko pang matulog!!!! rawr.
current need: sleep. (0)_(0)

                     Su, July 3, 2005  09:12 a.m.
freshteeg.
was astig.
sana.

damn the crowd.
i dont like the crowd.
uggh.
it could have been astig.
venue should've been bigger.
crowd should've been better.
no MIB's.
my cam and cel should've been charged.
stupid me.

owel.
i only got to watch
[i forgot one].
kjwan.
sandwich.
cambio.
imago.

luckily i am "one of them".
being a Gentxt mem does have benefits afterall! haha.


wee. joba made libre nga pala before the concert.ü
we ate at err. mang jimmy's[?]
nice food.
not so nice place.
have to walk through a place where ghosts are [that's what gelai angel said!]
that's why nic+val+drea+me were really scared.

thanxxx soo much joba! ^_^
at opkors.. HaPpY BiRthDaY!! ^_^


some manila peeps went to the concert again!^_^
saw dear dinny again :D
yey. happy happy.
and. hmm. *ehem* *ehem* and.. dinny's bro? dehh. ahaha. si ano. *ehem* *ehem* yung bro ni din. dehh. =P

too bad issa couldn't come.
daisy came very late.
we [mon+di+jean+yay+me] had to leave early.
we went to mon's house.
slept over.
watched monster-in-law.
nakakaantok.
learned new card game.
dont know what it's called.
went home early.
but went straight to ali mall.
dance maniax.
dance maniax.
dance maniax.
damn! i hit my hand VERY HARD on the sensors.
ouchie.



still addicted to darkthrone.
wee. ^_^ i have 1600++ turns already.
waiting for the right time to strike.
haha.


im gonna watch the manila leg of the world grandprix later! =D =D =D
*woohooo*
i'll get to see cuba and italy ^_^
thanx so much to drea and her family. hehe ^_^


wee. happy happy. ^_^

current music: i need you here tonight[?] - hale. ^_^
current mood: happy. ^_^ excited. ^_^
current thought: oh mey, i'll get to see cuba and italy!! *WOOHOO*
current need: load+haircut+money. haha.

                     Th, June 30, 2005  12:36 a.m.
ismayl. =]
today's rookie camp.

went to UP to have our block pic taken.
M5&M6!!! ^_^
but we were sort of formal.
unwacky-ish.
but it's fine. :D
although many were not included.
not even M6's block head. +_x
im very sorry for that.

go ahead.
blame me.
hehe. :P


didn't do much after that.
went to SM with celine + tess + ardee + dawn.
sayang di nakasama si kino + issa[?]

we watched War of The Worlds.
..
im not much impressed.
i expected more.
and i got a bit confused.
*malabo*


after movie, ardee and dawn went home.
celine + tess + me went to arcade.
Star Wars.
Daytona.
Daytona.
*celine chambalera!*
Dance Maniax.
Dance Maniax.
*go ahead Quesci peeps. worship me! LOL!*


went home.


and found a new reason to smile.


cleaner teeth.
haha.

yep.
went to dentist.
had prophylaxis.
*EFFIN OUCHIE!!*
ouch. blood. ouch. blood.

wee. *smile* =D


today's thursday.
12:43am.
havent thought of sleeping yet.
still smiling coz there's gonna be an Adidas sale tomorrow!! ^_^
i hope i'll find something to buy.


might also go to pisay tomorrow to train for volleyball.


i have started my biography which is due tomorrow! ^_^
im half-way through it.


i asked my mom what she wants for me when i grow up.
she said..
"to be a girl!"

HAHAHAHAHA. ROFLMAO!

she misunderstood me.
but that IS SO FINE WITH ME =]

she actually wished that i'd be a girl when i was still inside her.
[so that explains a lot now. HAHA ^_^]

but i was asking her for WHAT PROFESSION she wanted me to pursue.
[for my biography. hehe]


owel.
that was fun.
haha.
^_^


current music: hallelujah - bamboo.
current mood: happy.. err smile-y? ^_^
current thought: my mom should've wished harder! HAHA
current need: new shoes. hehe. Adidas Sale!! :D