.a seventeen year soul

Su, August 14, 2005 09:27 p.m.
i am the guy. the girl. the gay. the lesbo.
I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.

I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.

I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.

I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.

I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.

I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.

We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.

I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.

I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.

I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.

I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.

I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.

I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn't have to always deal with society hating me.

I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.

I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.

**i reposted this cuz i believe HOMOPHOBIA is wrong.
give homos a chance.

F, August 12, 2005 09:26 p.m.
pasaway
UPVC apps night.

M, August 8, 2005 05:07 p.m.
im dead.
well.. not really..
but technically, i should've been dead. x__X
imagine.. 3 straight days with barely any rest.
sheez. x__X

that was, wednesay, thursday and friday last week..
i slept at 6am last wednesday although i actually planned not to sleep at all.. i did my sigsheet kasi for VC but i wasnt able to finish it.. haha. coz of the chat interruptions. HAHA.
then.. last thursday.. i dozed off at 3am while doing our Kas1 group project!! haha. theni woke up before 6.. tried working on the project again but dozed off at 6:30.. than woke up at 9am.. just an hour from my first class. haha.
then friday.. i actually planned not to sleep again.. i finished [well.. sort of "finished"] our kas1 project.. but i still had to do other stuffs for chem.. so i decided not to sleep.. everything was going fine.. i already had breakfast.. i already took a bath.. i was just waiting for 8:30 which by that time, i'll have to leave for school.. but then.. i dozed off again!!! !#$$%&^&(
i woke up at 9:15 and.. and.. and..
and i missed my first class!!! DARN!!.
I missed my beloved PE class!!!! x___X
owel.
it has passed.
luckily im still alive. haha.

weirdly though.. i did not look as haggard as i should have been.. haha.
especially last friday.. well, i did when i came to school.. but after a while.. i was all jolly and giddy again..

haay. so much for my near death experience. HAHA.
[whatever zy :P]

hmm.. then saturday..
i went to char's place.
it's her birthday celebration! ^_^
wee. fettu!!! haha :D
and oh!! i saw daisy again!! yey!! and issa!! and mike!! haha.
i missed my friends.. *aww* hehe.
then.. we played CLUE. never won though. but it was fun! hehe ^_^ just.. mentally tiring sometimes..
darn. i didnt get to sleep over!!!
my parents didnt allow me. x__X ack!
kainggit tuloy sila.. =( hahah.

nga pala..
HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHAR!!! ^__^
well.. belated actually.. haha.. :P

then sunday.. i went to UP after lunch to watch the volleyball games.. but when i got there.. TAPOS NA LARO NG UP!!! x___X si ED kasi eh!! haha. giving me the wrong info.. *tsk tsk* hehe :P ok lang.. i just went to the mall by myself.. and played DMX. ahah.

when i got home i burried myself with math problems.. HAHA.
cuz we had a math long test.. just a while ago..
and it was EFFIN hard!!!
ack!! i hope i pass that one.. *at least*
there's still math midterms on wednesday!!
rawr. i really need to study.. haha.

but then.. i still have to do stuffs for the apps' night for the VC.. darn..
honestly.. im getting tired of applying for VC..
even drea had already differed. and it's taking up a big fraction of my time.. and still.. there's the apps night.. then interview.. then final rights.. i haven't actually done much.. but i have built "friendship" naman.. so if i differ.. sayang.. pero if i want to get some load off.. i think i really need to differ habang wala pa masaydong nangyayari.. cuz most probably, there'll be a time that we'll cram for events again and my acads would be affected and stuff.. my mom actually wants me to differ.. but im still thinking about it.. *sigh*
kakahiya naman kay kuya Gabby.. pati na rin dun sa mga iba pang members.. but.. im already tired.
well, my "tire-ness" is really nothing compared with krystel's but.. im not used to it.. i dont want to be used to it.. owel..
whatever will be, will be..

current music: somebody kill me please - adam sandler
current mood: tired. sleepy..
current thought: will i differ? or will i not? i dont know.. but i know that i need to do my prelab for expt11.
current need: money, rest, to study, time, love, somebody to hug. haha. *sigh*

Su, July 31, 2005 11:57 p.m.
let me dream.
so i guess it was just an illusion
i laid my heart bare
waiting for you to seize it
you may not have understood me
i made a fool out of myself
and i think you havent noticed
i guess that's better that way
or maybe
i may not have understood you
maybe you really just wanted friendship
i thought we were the same
i thought we both had alternative lives
but then i guess i just picked up the wrong signal
i dont like to hurt myself
therefore i'll just think that this was jsut a dream
that you are just a dream
that the hope of you loving me is just an illusion
yeah, that's it
an illusion.. a dream..
oh
oh how i wish
oh how i wish i could
oh how i wish i could just live
oh how i wish i could just live in my dream
oh how i wish i could just live in my dream forever

Let me be your freedom,
I'm here with you, beside you,
Say you love me every waking moment,
turn my head with talk of summertime
Say you need me with you now and always
Promise me that all you say is true
that's all I ask of you
Let me be your shelter,
let me be your light.
All I want is freedom,
and you, always beside me,
to hold me and to hide me
Then say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime
let me lead you from your solitude
Say you need me with you here, beside you
anywhere you go, let me go too
that's all I ask of you
Say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime
say the word and I will follow you
Share each day with me,
each night,
each morning
Say you love me
You know I do
Love me, that's all I ask of you
Anywhere you go let me go too
Love me, that's all I ask of you

current music: all i ask of you - POTO
current mood: stupid.
current thought: love me. that's all i ask of you
current need: you.

Su, July 31, 2005 11:56 p.m.
FEVER.
fever.
hot.
im hot!
hhaha!!
i gained FEVER!
not the usual fever though.

know the arcade game, Dance Maniax?
do you know what happens if you reach 1000+ combos?
you get FEVER!!
haha.

so..
that was..
Quickening.
Mind Parasite.
Happy Hopper.
Afronova Primeneval
everything Wild and in speed 3 ^_^
i think i got the last half of quickening.. then perfected mind parasite and happy hopper and got the first half of Afronova!! that's 1188 combos!! wohoo!! ^_^ haha.

go ahead.
call me an addict.
i guess i am one.
haha.

Sa, July 30, 2005 11:13 p.m.
KKK.
kas 1 field trip.
update soon. haha.

Tu, July 26, 2005 11:02 p.m.
let me love you.
i've always said that..
this is where love ends and that it'll find its way back.
i guess it already did.
im learning how to love again.
i just hope that the person im trying to love would accept me.
but most of all i hope that person would return my love.. and love me too.

seriously, i miss the feeling of being loved.
i miss loving.
i know i might just get hurt just as before.
but im willing to risk it all and try again.
love me tender.
love me sweet.

i will be happy one day, and i will be loved.
i will be happy one day, and i will.
i will be happy one day.
i will be happy.
i will.
i.

Think of me
think of me fondly, when
we've said goodbye
remember me
once in a while, please
promise me you'll try

When you find,
that once again you long
to take your heart back,
and be free
if you ever find a moment,
spare a thought for me

We never said
our love was evergreen
or as unchanging as the sea...
but if you can still remember,
stop and think of me

Think of all the things
we've shared and seen,
don't think about the things
which might have been

Think of me
think of me waking, silent
and resigned...
imagine me, trying too hard to
put you from my mind...

Recall those days,
look back on all those times,
think of the things
we'll never do...
there will never be a day when
I won't think of you

We never said
our love was evergreen
or as unchanging as the sea...
but please promise me,
that sometimes
you will think of me

i hope that you'll also think of me.
as i think of you.
when i hug my pillow at night.
when i wake up in the morning light.
loving you for me, will always ba a feeling of eternity.

--==>>memoirs.<<==--x16x
--==>>memoirs.1<<==--x7x
--==>>memoirs.2<<==--x61x
--==>>memoirs.3<<==--x15x
--==>>memoirs.4<<==--x19x