*----------*

There are a BILLION valid reasons why two people
shouldn't be together.
But there's only one reason why they should --
I love you.

that is why,
I choose you

Happy Valentine's Day!

*----------*

I've been crying again. I've been crying for the past three days. Right now, I don't feel well. Besides the emotional turmoil that stress usually brings, I've seen the dark and selfish me once again.
//I don't want to drink that milk he made! I hate him! If it weren't for him, I wouldn't feel frustrated right now.. //
I hate him.. I hate him..
//But when everything else is gone, he'll be there. And when he's gone you know you'll regret it...
I know.. but I hate him..
He has the gall to speak to me about "that" when it's his fault!! He is so stupid! I wish I wasn't born!
If you weren't born.. where would you be...
Your hate is pointless. Shed those tears. They'll cleanse your bitterness.
I hate him *sob* I hate him *sob*
//silence//

*----------*

I am happy I have met you.
In the times I was sinking in the dark hole of fate.
You put your hand in the muddy waters
and somehow found me.
Even if it wasn't your intention to save me
--you did.
I owe part of my life and my soul to you.
You are my savior.
*****
I will be happiest at the moment when I learn how to swim
in the swirling waters of fate
and be able to go back to shore
without drowning.
*****

*----------*

"We never were the owner of our dreams. All of them were made by our past... by our parents. Those are the things we hold dear in our hearts. The people who were given beautiful memories of the past and beautiful dreams by their parents are really fortunate. They would strive hard to make those dreams a reality. Such beauty created by tears of sorrow and of happiness mingled with hope creates such a powerful force that the dreams we have for ourself seem to pale in comparison. It seem so selfish and shallow compared to the dreams gifted to us by fate. We cannot control our dreams nor can we change how it came to be. All we know is that, we cannot overlook the tears of the past. We are powerless over the flames of love that forged those dreams."

*----------*

Many times we do things FOR love
But what we need right now
is to
Love the things we do.

And if we can't love the things we do
it just means
It isn't worth dying for.

And everyone dies
And this leaves the question
What do I want to do before I die.

Do I want to die FOR love
or do I want to die loving.

*----------*

I write a lot because the thing which I most want to write about remains unwritten. I say a lot because the thing which I most want to say remains unsaid. -Rosalind

Lord of the Rings wasn't such a waste of time after all. I watched it with my family. It's nice to have parents who are "game" when you are. /no1

Others --
It's going to be my friend's birthday soon. She's almost 22 years old and she just got married last year. When I met her, I didn't that we're going to be quite close. She's exactly the opposite of me. She exudes confidence.. I stink of drudgery and low self-esteem *wink*, She's tall and I'm not, She's gorgeous and I'm plain, She's so nice and well I'm basically evil, She's friendly and cheerful and I'm an anti-social curse. This reminds of me of the movie The Truth About Cats and Dogs. Haha! Anyway, Happy Birthday! ^_^

Relationships are so complicated that if thinking about it too much can be a waste of time. When my friend got married, along with the petty quarrels she and her husband had, she seriously doubted that the relationship would work out. Lately, she adapted a change in attitude. Whereas before, she would have things her way. Now, she is thinking more about how her husband would react before she does things and she is more careful on how she handles their money. Now, they're pretty happy.

Sometimes, we commit ourselves to one person thinking that that person can fill that void inside of ourselves. It seems like we are looking for a savior or even a hero to save us from our despair. All I can say is that, everything everywhere, is an instrument that will inspire us on how to live our lives. They're only inspiration. The true act of filling that void lies within us, and only we ourselves can act upon it.
Our heart is an unsolved jigsaw people. There are so many different people who have so many different things they can share with us. These are some of the missing pieces of our heart. Some of them, if we allow, may put one piece. Others, two or more. No one who gives has all the pieces. Because, as they put one piece into our hearts, they remove a piece of theirs. It's a strange thing -- this dependence on others.
Still Others -- My chowchow is becoming thin. She's taking vitamins and nutritious puppy food, but she's not as chubby as she once was. I have her go to the "puppy doc" at least once a month. She was so cute and plump before... looking like a fat poring chowchow and now.. she looks like.. frodo? >_<

*----------*

there was a little girl
with a little curl
in the middle of her forehead
when she was good
she was very very good
when she was bad
she was horrid.

one day the little girl grew
and her li'l soul got broken
she didn't know what to do
that her world was all shaken

she cried her tears out
for her lil world
and blew her nose out
for her battered spirit

til one day she decided not to cry anymore
not to blow her nose anymore
not to talk anymore
and she was very silent

*----------*

I have dark circles under my eyes. The whites of my eyes are now beginning to turn red. I'm dehydrated. My body is shouting for rest.

I can't rest, I can't think, I can't concentrate. There's always a form of distraction, making the road towards my first priority difficult to travel. I have to be serious with the task at hand. But I don't want to look like a hag afterwards! =(

*----------*

Went out with a friend today. We were supposed to go shopping at a certain bazaar but we discovered that it was already over. So, we headed to Intramuros where we heard of a Christmas bazaar. The place was pretty. It was packed with people mostly of a young crowd. Everywhere we went, christmas lights would greet us. Shopping-wise, we weren't able to find nice gifts though but my friend was able to haggle for a beaded curtain. As for me, walking around tires me.. but the cold air and hot "taho" in my hands seemed to relieve me.

*----------*

Hehe. I'm lazy in updating this blog.
AI Event

Went to the C3 event in megamall. For the first time, I went to this event alone (meaning: no Yuki). I guess that's just the way things are. The people from AI were there: Hyde, Ipis, Okits, Dek, Adz, Armaine, Alyssa, Ian, Mia, Sig, Bry (apo!).

Bryan and Okits were getting taller and bigger. The last time I saw them -- they were slimmer and a little bit shorter. Now I barely reach their shoulders. And yes, they were lovable punchbags! Bryan left early for some reason and okits stayed longer. We didn't get a chance to chat and catch up and bully each other but it's still nice to meet up with them again.

The ipis gang were missing some of its members. Hyde and Ipis were the only ones who attended. Gomen, Hyde, I didn't finish capturing your video. Seeing Hyde also brought back memories of BubuChacha (the cute doraemon keychain which yuki and I used to hide from err.. hyde) ^^; Ipis was missing his sidekick -Ced. Ipis grew his hair long and he already has a temporary non-pro driver's license with restrictions 1 and 2. I kinda gotten mixed up with the restrictions-thing with the license and those guys laughed at the mistake. *sniff* Oh well, it was fun!

Dek had to leech a ride and he slept all the way from Taft to Ortigas -- except for brief moments of "consciousness" because a certain driver was panicking, he was pretty peaceful. We followed Dek's crushes around the convention hall - Yuna, Rikku and the "Gay" Guy. All I can say is that Yuna and Rikku were pretty and had nice figures. And that the "Gay" guy may not be as gay as we thought.

Adz, her sisters and Ian were pretty funny. They were goofing around. I miss goofing around too with my pals ;_; But times change. Adz was dressed in an acolyte costume. She was so pretty and looked like a real acolyte (kneeling and all) that people around would ask to be taken a photo with her. Go, Adz! Armaine and Alyssa were so cute! They reminded me of my own sisters. Haha! They were playing with Ian. It was something like baseball except that the bat was a poster and the ball was a poring doll! I managed to take pictures of all of them which I'll post one idle day.

Sig, Mia and Mia's friend -- I didn't get to see much of Mia and her friend. They're new people I met. But Mia and her boyfriend were so cuddly. Cute! ;D Sig had also something to cuddle -- at least 3 santa porings! Really, it was so cute! We own one now, coz my sister went to C3 the next day and bought one.

C3 was okay. There were a lot of booths now. There was also this RO game similar to streetfighter -- really cool. There were a lot of people dressed up. I couldn't help staring at them as they passed me by. Wow! Maybe one day I could dress up to (when I find the courage to do so).

After the con, the guys and I ate at the foodcourt located in the basement of Megamall. Haha! Ian said it was F4 with Shan Chai. Yeah! With Dek as Shan Chai (coz he's prettier than me), Me as Hua Ze Lei (coz, I adore Vic!), Ipis (as Dao Ming Sz) coz of his long hair!, and Hyde and Ian as Xi Men and Mei Zuo for no particular reason (Maybe coz they're "playboys")*winks*

We went home afterwards. And a certain panicky driver dealt with EDSA on a rush-hour-night for the first time. But that's another story.

It's rather sad to know, I won't be able to go to the EK outing next time (when there's LOADS of people around! *sniff*) I envy you guys. The positive side to that would be, at least I'll be spending time with my family in a really cold place. It's almost Christmas. Just a few more days. Merry Christmas!

*----------*

|| November Updates ||

It was during this period that I have taken an official break from work, from studying and from a stressful environment.
I also found time to reunite myself with my favorite past time - sleeping. But there were also some activities such as the AI Guild Excursion in Laguna. It was loads of fun. I get to know more the people whom I slice and dice monsters with. They weren't the war-freaks I thought they were (kidding!) =p
Yuki was of course with me. It's kind of reassuring to know that even though we haven't seen and spoken with each other for quite some time, we're still bonded in some weird way.

Um, I'll continue in my next blog. I still have some stuff to do ^_^

Nanami had time to blog on Tuesday, December 2, 2003

*----------*

Ragnarok Adventures
I've seen some "amazing" looking monsters these past few days. Including the wanderer, the snow/ice wolf, jack and santa claus (oops where did that come from). I still have a long way to go before I could get to ride a peco-peco but I'm getting there.

Others
I made some people mad today. I can't help it if I can't smile all the time. And I don't think it's a crime to keep quiet for a while. I wish they would.

*----------*

Ragnarok Online is one of the latest craze here. It's one of the Massively Multi- player Online Role-Playing Game (mmporg) available online. Players can adopt an avatar or character in the online game and go on a quest to defeat monsters and find rare items. As a new player of the game, so far I find it pretty addicting. The price of a game card is okay (I suppose) but still the speed of one's internet connection can affect the quality of the gameplay. The graphics of the game is quite good too.