I think there has been more people than female dogs who've been called
'a bitch'
And you don't really call an illegitimate child, "hi bastard." do you? Instead you save that word for the legitimate child who cuts your queue.
And who feels bad when you call them a bastard? - I think the innocent illegitimate child (and it's not like even his fault).
-----
Anyways, I remembered calling someone/something "bastard" when I was maybe 7, and not knowing what "bastard" meant. Not even knowing it had any meaning, 'cept that its a word you say in anger towards a hated subject. (must've been from watching movies. hahh.)
How simple. to bunch all that convoluted anger and emotions quickly into one word. To curse is to crumple a piece of paper that would've otherwise had a well-thought out essay written about your suppressed wrath, and then throwing that paper at the hated subject. - all in vain of course.
But feels good doesn't it.
For a second.
And yea, the paper can hurt when hit, if flung with such brute force. It's not the heaviness of the paper but that of its intentions.
Intentions, not actions, are enough to hurt, I feel.
enough.
these words I write to keep me from madness @ 12:32 a.m.
###
Friday, July 29, 2005
psst.
got a
secret?
these words I write to keep me from madness @ 12:58 a.m.
###
Wednesday, July 27, 2005
you don't know a headache until your head aches.
shall I tell you how school started? (yea, school started). Nah...nuffyn to tell really. It's been a bit of a woozy, adding and dropping subjects. wooozy. today the registration website stuck out its tongue and mooned on us all. And hell yea, everyone's pissed. But anger doesn't stop the world from spinning, now does it.
did I mention? I dropped a million strands of hair. (ok not really, a hairstylist did it). And my scalp bled. (ok not really, shrek helped me dye em "burning red" - thanx shrek! best dye-ing salon ever, there were samosas and durians served! totally rufus) Someone said my hair looked like a Datin's. I say, "baby (babi), you don't know classsssssss..." *snaps finger, shakes head horizontally and pouts (simultaneously)*
..and then..and then...I saw (and smelt and heard) alot of foreigners in school. I saw an andy roddick lookalike. wide-eyed and very roddick. The rest is just half of ummmm...the eastern asia population.
First day of school and I was excited with the first lecture but fell asleep by the third. Monday was a loooooong day. came home and slept for like 12 hours. wicked dreams. just. wicked. I think I met Chow Yun Fatt. I was running this wicked drinks shop that had lime juice, chocolate, caramel, mustard and sambal belachan all in one potent mix. and we ran out of mustard and someone told me to go to 7-11 to get it and at 7-11, olinda cho was behind the counter and they didnt have mustard and she told me to go to another 7-11 that had it and she wrote the address on a newspaper and on that piece of paper, it was her slimming ad for jean yip or mary chia or somethin. waahahhahahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahh...wait. AHAHhahahahahahhahahahah. i actually remembered all this.
zonked. I am not high. nor drunk. if I was both, I could kill someone. which is why, I don't take ketamine and I don't drink.
-----
did you know that elephants do not sneeze?
these words I write to keep me from madness @ 01:23 a.m.
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Saturday, July 23, 2005
come on and say so.
"you should not be angry
if all she wants is your money.
you should not be angry
'coz all you want is her body."
-----
these words I write to keep me from madness @ 12:53 a.m.
###
Thursday, July 21, 2005
music makes you lose control music makes you lose control
i'm listening to missy elliot's cookbook. dope. as usual. MISS-Seyyy!
-----
sharm sent me this link to play with. ok i tried. and failed. alot. so good luck and have fun!
-----
you know wot i feel like doing? i feeel like...........blasting missy's album out loud. clearing my living room furniture 'cept the coffee table(it's sturdy enough to stand up and dance on) then spinning my chandelier to get some disco light effect. prepare lotsa ice cold F&N grape juice and gettin some sober i-wanna-dance-like-there's-no-tomorrow people over and PARRRRRtay!
it will last 16 missy songs long. every song is definitely boogie-able. fast to slow, manic to hypnotic. you can put mr fantastic to shame. After party, is a free wipe (of your sweat) from a dry towel and a cup of teh tarik.
who needs phuture.
(riiiiiiiiiiight.)
so what say you?
these words I write to keep me from madness @ 01:01 a.m.
###
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
dum diddly diddly
it is singaporean winter in july for you right now. workplace is freezing. glass doors condensing. my nose is running and my tummy's cramping. are you ready for some rambling?
so i was at the petrol station this afternoon right. i was pumping air into my car's tyres in the drizzling rain. and whaddaya know, this old man from the carwash nearby came up to me with an umbrella to shelter me. he held the umbrella for me right 'til i got into the car!
awwww..how sweeeeeet right?...i mean it was just drizzles. light ones. i wouldn't fuss about it. so i was quite taken aback.
thanx uncle...you r-o-c-k. so.
whats wrong with the world, momma? sometimes there ain't nothin' much wrong with the world, momma. sometimes.
anyways, i like driving alone and singing (screaming) along to k.t tunstall. yourrrr-horr onnnn the other siiiide of the worrrrld.. horrr-orrr onnn the other siide of the worldddd..to meeee
and when i stop at the lights and there's a motorbike beside me, i'll stop singing to save the guy on motorbike from hearing some god-awful stereophonics on his left.
oh i just saw the pepsi surf ad where becks and roberto carlos and raul and company play soccer on the sea on surf boards. woooooooo..smashing! take That, mat skimmers! check it out here.
-----
hair is getting in my way of my thoughts. shall get it cut.
these words I write to keep me from madness @ 12:20 a.m.
###
Monday, July 18, 2005
wrath.
strangers blow hot and cold. good friends stay warm. always.
these words I write to keep me from madness @ 02:03 p.m.
###
Sunday, July 17, 2005
Greed.
yes. my mom and I headed for the Straits Times Win-a-Mazda 6 "Hunt" yesterday morning. it was quite a "blah" experience in the end although initially we were excited at finding the place. overhyped I say. So much for an article the day before that said, "Only a handful are expected to solve the riddle". A handful, my fiddler's fart. There were 6,000 people la.
I guess that's a handful....in India.
Geez. Not very memorable I guess. The heavyheavyheavy I-could-only-see-pairs-of-red-backlights-in-front-of-me-while-driving Rain, yea, That I won't forget for awhile. Even though I was crawling at an average 60-70 km/hr, halfway I kinda joined my mom in prayer. hehah. brutal ok brutal. And the car started to fog up and my contacts started to dry. And my mom took out some tissues and started to wipe the fog off the windscreen in front of me. Muahah.
Anyways, so the other parts were forgettable la. The one and a half hour traffic jam, the wall to wall crowded place, the queue-up-for-half-an-hour-just-to-go-to- the-toilet experience. And when they were announcing consolation prizes, those at the back couldn't hear a thing.
And guess who won the Mazda 6? Some greedy Hougang Mazda driver who, as reported in the papers, "in an ironic twist", just bought a Mazda 3 two weeks ago. There is no "ironic twist". There is greed..and then..there is...greed. Blardy poodle-ass choke-on-a-silver-spoon aristocrat! I mean seriously, I was stuck in a traffic jam caught bumper to bumper with an Audi in front of me and a Hyundai Tucson behind..we're all heading towards a contest that will win a Mazda. Hoi, why can't you people give the '82 Honda Accord driver some bloody it's-not-silly-to-be-hopeful chance at winning this thing by disqualifying yourselves..because...wait..I'll tell you a good reason why..wait..it's just at the tip of my tongue..hmm..Gee I dunno, *thinks very hard* ..wait. maybe because you Already own an I-ate-daddy's-retirement-funds Luxury car?!? nyahah.
I will never make my peace over how unfair the world is. =D (=S)
No. I am not bitter.
(inner voice: "shyeah right.")
-----
cheesy lyrics of the day:
"I only think of you
on two occasions:
that's day. and night
I'd go for broke
If I could be with you
Only you can make it right
"
"We belong together" (Remix)- mariah carey feat. jadakiss and styles p
Fine. If I was pms-ing, it Could sound a Tad sweet.
these words I write to keep me from madness @ 08:01 p.m.
###
Thursday, July 14, 2005
gluttony.
woo. it's 12:30 a.m and I just had my mom's curry chicken with 2 pieces of bread and a poppadom. And on top of that, I made me a hot chocolate with HL milk (warmed in the microwave) and lotsa spoonfuls of Milo powder and a small dollop of condensed milk (quite the bomb!), really, doesn't taste like conventional Milo.
Anyway, I felt so good rollerblading this afternoon, really felt like I shed some y'know, what with all the sweat and stench after that(which was mostly thanks to the sun).
But now I'm not so sure...
Had a late lunch after blading, at banquet..forgot what it was called...noodles with stuffed fishballs and fishcakes and dumplings and mushrooms and an egg and then had bubble tea and now..a very very very late dinner.
My parents are asleep so it's the best time to eat my mom's cooking without her knowing I made certain adjustments to her dish to my liking. "White lies" at midnight. tsk tsk. Must be the demons.
And....there are durians in the fridge. I can smell it from here.
Should I?Should I?
I think I'd have to be poor, bankrupt and homeless or stranded in an island for 2 months for me to lose weight. How ah?
*burp*
(Alhamdullilah.)
these words I write to keep me from madness @ 12:46 a.m.
###
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
tacks on the floor and the tv's on....
a customer overstayed his welcome tonight by one and a half hourssssss. wow. he's lucky I have patience and no baseball bats.
Uncle borrowed the car for my aunt's convocation so I had to take the train home. As a result, I missed 20 minutes of Alias. grr.
speaking of Alias, if you watch it, you'd know who Sark is (played by David Anders). Don't you think he has the thinnest lips? I think he has the thinnest caucasian lips I have ever seen. ever. It's so thin, it feels like it could cut. Everytime I watch him talk, it gets annoying 'coz I'd find myself immitating his thin lips just to see how it feels like. I bet he can't pout. ahah. I still like Sark tho, 'coz he's goht a Brih-teesh ahk-sent in Alias.
oh you caucasians don't have lips!
yea. just like you asians don't have ass.
well then you haven't seen bollywood. =P
these words I write to keep me from madness @ 12:12 a.m.
###
Saturday, July 9, 2005
..breaking shadows everytime i run
as much as i hate to break consistency, if it has been consistent suffering, it's only logical to end it.
let's think logical.
these words I write to keep me from madness @ 08:44 p.m.
###
Friday, July 8, 2005
Mina Loy.
so.
tennis in the morning and then wanton noodle for lunch. i guess no matter how i subtract and add the calories, it would never amount to how much (or how less) i'd like it to be. i guess since i'm not gaining the physical advantages of exercising, i shall console myself over the fact that exercise gives one psychological benefits (god knows what that means...but i'll take it.)
-----
found this graffiti at my block's staircase.
this is what movie titles like "I Not Stupid" will do to the juveniles' grammar skills: stunts the growth of mature english.
if there is one thing i'd like to do in helping to change the world is to correct bad grammar. (that and buying everyone a glass of bandung.)
-----
they're painting my block orange (or at least part of it). from white and green to orange?! i mean, i'd wear an orange shirt. but an orange HDB block is ... trying too hard to be hip, methinks.
the other day i woke up to the first sight of two banglas outside my window on a gondola. "holy shit!" my mind went, as i immediately jerked up to a sitting position on my bed. then i realised the windows are tinted such that i could see them from the inside but they can't see me from the outside (holy mother of thankful-ness!). (not that i was in the buff or anything la...but dang..what a sight to wake up to!) a HDB flat is not a house la. it's a public building with private cubicles (or so you'd think). that's what you get for living in a country so small.
-----
london bombings. yet another stain to my religion. i've always believed that intrinsically, religion is private. just between an individual and his/her god. but now it's become so political, i'm sick of fielding questions about Islam. why do i have to defend what i'm not guilty of?
as long as there are politics, world peace is impossible.
----
anyway. i'm in love with james blunt. he sings his heartaches like it's only mine.
..looks who's alone now,
it's not me
it's not me...
these words I write to keep me from madness @ 02:03 p.m.
###
Wednesday, July 6, 2005
sssssssizzlin'.....
caught fantastic four with sharm today. on impulse. and coz batman was playing too late. it was sneaks and a dollar more but daym, in william hung rabbit teeth fashion, i say with equal fervor "I have no regrets." (although our popcorn finished before the movie even started - tsk tsk. too many ads)
me: ah..where's ummm..that fire..umm..fireman?
sharm: torch la! it's torch!
is chris evans hot or panasss? like sssizzlin' baby! sssizzlin' like jack's place steak.
jessica alba's hot but blonde is so not her color, she should stick to looking latina instead of an american blondie.
Mr Fantastic aka thebendyrubberguy is..umm..a 'yea-whatever' case (boring!).
"the thing" for most part of the movie was just "the poor thing"..so kesian.
the villain, dr. von doom, has a name that makes me wanna buy him a von dutch cap (slash the 'dutch' with a permanent marker and scribble 'doom' above it). never really liked julian mcmahon, in fact i detest him. and he has his roles to thank for his non-fandom.
the movie was quite a ride. like a cartoon that came to life, i swear. worth seeing on a big screen. 'specially the disaster and fight scenes where all hell breaks loose...you sorta just grab your seats and go "holy fark!" (i haven't seen war of the worlds, maybe that might be worse?) but yea. for chris evans and some superhero escapism, catch it.
no regrets.
-----
anyway, earlier in the day, met up with preethi..with nadia, sumi and sharm.
darn, i haven't seen preethi for like...eons..what, 4 years?
was bracing myself for a mellower 20 yr-old, whose experiences in studying and living in US and switzerland and wherever-it-is-she's-been, might have made her become more worldly-wise with a tinge of "i've-been-there" arrogance. but hell was i wrong. ahahah...nope the years have not mellowed us. still the woodbridge-qualified madness that i remember back when we donned the yellow and blues. wahahah. *snaps fingers* "jazz it up!".
awesome.
i wish some other things in life don't change like that too.
-----
*points* sharm did that.
these words I write to keep me from madness @ 11:08 p.m.
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Tuesday, July 5, 2005
...shines around me like a million suns
i s'pose it's good to live life on the average. 'coz once in awhile when you get the opportunity to taste the finer (more expensive) things in life, you truly really appreciate it.
i mean, if you're living the perfect grandiose lifestyle, you might, in time, after getting sick of what you have, wake up with the disappointment that it doesn't get any better than that.
-----
i got a bottle of sheer by stella mccartney thanx to my best friend in the solar system. weeeeeeee. thanx thanx thanx. for that and the earrings and lunch and fondue and for just being the friend that you are.
we average people are easily pleased. =D
-----
..and damn, old chang kee is addictive eh?
these words I write to keep me from madness @ 10:57 p.m.
###
Monday, July 4, 2005
"and as the summer's ending...
....the cold air will rush your hard heart away."
-----
thanx, my beloved mamasitas, for the nice and cosy esplanade rooftop terrace picnic. it's always challenging to surprise people you already know very well 'coz they know when you're acting all funny. heha. so the pesta perdana award goes to you guys for making me wait in the library while yall went to get a lighter. (birthdays are leceh for non-smokers eh). thank you mucho. you know just hangin with ya guys are more than enough to make my dayy. weeee..warm and fuzzies you give me. (altho yan ur presence was sorely missed.)
so after the polar picnic, we burnt off cake calories with some bowling..hmm..marina alley was good to me. all of us got a couple of strikes. shoe boy was fooling around. i think he tried to flirt. i dont mean that in a self-flattering way, coz he's all weird. misai yellow-jerseyed, backward-cap mat malaysia type. he said there were no more shoes of my size when i went to get them bowling shoes (but there were ah). then when i returned he said (with a sleazy grin) he lost my sandals. aiyoh, ampon eh..not a molecule in me was turned on by that. nyahah. (why do i always get the weird ones?! *smashes guitar*)
"i tak suker la, abang abang gatal camni sumer....geli ger ger."
then after that, we headed to harbourfront for some dinner and a visit to the pet shop to ogle at some super furry...animals. adorable bunniesssssss, i wannnnt! 'specially the persian one...i feel like choking it.
afer that, shrek, shaz, sham and me headed to kembangan's open field to catch syarif in action, since i missed his teen icon finals performance. "got my eyes on youuu..". phee-wit. i can't believe you got third cuz. wo bu ke yi believe it. and shrek, stop screaming, "I WISH I WAS 16!!" wahahah...only demi moore does the paedophil-ing.
thanx shamm, for being my instant GPS navigator/ escort-on-bike. you're the coolest mat motor in my books. *in full-blown aussie accent* "good on ya, mayte!". hope you enjoyed the "spider" performance (not the dayang one, know) altho the 3 of us had no clue what "gosok" was all about. but its ok..."are you all have fun? are you all enjoy?" ..that's the most important thing yer.
ok la. i've had a good day. thanx yawlll. LEGAL, baby!
luv. \m/
these words I write to keep me from madness @ 12:13 a.m.
###
