hmmmm ok im in a story telling mood..i think i've recovered enough from my tragic driving test to now look back at it and laugh instead of cry...and yes..i cried..like while walking home in the rain after the test..it was like symbolically walking home in defeat..hahah..i was just crying and not caring if pple saw me..although it was raining, they prolly couldnt tell 'cept for the tissue in my hand that ocassionally dabbed my eyes..hmmm..ok so whats the big deal that made me wail like that?
wednesday..big day..but somehow i didnt feel psyched..having a driving license is a freakin big deal to me..and the possibility that by the end of that day that could actually come true is a big deal..so i met my instructor at 1...the test was 3.45...met him at gombak..he went out of the driving seat, put on the "L" plates and i noticed that his fly was open..not like the whole nine yards open that i could see what i wouldnt wanna see..but it was open alright..but i just couldnt tell him..hahah..i dunno..its something i would tell a male friend or my dad but not my driving instructor..he realized it when he got out of the car to pass a document to the guard when we were going into the circuit later..coz i saw him trying to discreetly zip it up..muahah..ok enough bout the fly incident..
so when i met my instructor and he was askin for all the necessary documents and all..we realized my PDL was missing..i only had the expired with me and i remember giving the renewed one to him..so we turned his car upside down inside out to look for it..mann..hes a messy dude..there are signs that shows he tries to be organized but still...u know..like how-u-dont-really-file-your-notes-into-individual-files-for-each-subject-but-you-categorize-them-into-at-least-2-groups-and-only-You-will-know-what-sets-one-apart-from-the-other sorta system..so we were looking looking..and i found it folded into some other learner's documents..so yea..safe..he said if we couldnt find it, he would've sent me to ubi..now i wonder if i'd pass if i had it at ubi instead..hmmmm
so then i drove for the next hour on the road..and then the hour after that on the circuit..and even though i feel more confident this time bout my driving than my first time, i just didnt want to be confident bout it..coz i remember being cocky in my first test even tho i was a terrible driver..i thought if i didnt make any stupid mistakes i could fool the tester into passing me..but then i had to make of one the stupider mistake of mounting the kerb(which was a mistake that i never thought i would commit at that time)..but then i made even stupider mistakes for my second test ..so stupid i will save its mention for last..
my instructor was confident it was gonna be my last lesson..he kept saying stuff like.."ok, last one ah..after this we go karaoke with sarina" (my schoolmate who introduced me to this instructor, who already passed after her 2nd attempt). and he'll ask "how? can pass?" like a trillion times..i'd reply "ummm..uhh..hopefully la" to which he replied/asked "confident can pass?" as if he forgot he asked the same question half a second ago...i wouldnt say yes coz i didnt wanna keep his hopes up..altho that depends on what kinda hope..if it was his business hope..then saying yes i can pass will be bad..since i wont be his paying student anymore..but if i were to say no i cant..then that would hurt his pride of being a good instructor..but for a guy who forgot to do his fly on that day i would almost say "yes i think i can"...but alas! my confidence was to be temporary...
so then crunch time..3.35 and waiting to be called into the room..3.40..called into the room..and suddenly my heart was beating faster..like i have been supressing my nerves for the entire day and it all culminated at 3.45..balloted for tester and test route..one of the bitchy facts is that i got a pretty easy route than the last time..no u-turn..no difficult junction turns..no 70km/h limit road..and i just had to blow it..so then tester came..he looks friendlier than my last tester..altho like i've said before..we are all so deceiving behind smiles..made our way to the car..and my car did not have the 2nd "L"(learner on test) plate..i had to get it and he had to put it himself..ok bad thing..(he mentioned this to my instructor..and my instructor initially thought i'd failed coz of his mistake)..as much as i'd love for the blame to put on someone else, i dont think i can run away from this failure..
so in the car..seat belt..pretend to adjust mirror..start the engine..game on..tester says turn left..ok cool..signal on..clutch pedal all ready..but something was holding the car down..the freaking handbrake..dumb blonde mistake no.1...i realized it before the tester mentioned it to me(dont u hate it when someone tells u to do something ur already about to do) .. and i was trying to act nonchalant as if i did it in purpose, in vain of course (who the heck would leave the handbrake on when moving off, on purpose?!?)..heh..so turn left..ok..driving on circuit..then all of a sudden he slaps the dashboard..a sign that i shd step on the emergency brake..considering that it took me by surprise i think my reflex were quick enough to stop in time..altho he mentioned i used the wrong technique..hey i flung him out of seat..thats the way it goes whaaat..i shoulda flung him outta the car..so after that "S" course..pretty smooth..by now the "gabra-ness" is creeping in after the handbrake and emergency brake incident..tester says turn right..so i turned right..yup right..right into the lane where cars were coming towards me..dumbest blonde mistake no.2..there were no cars tho at the time..so i thought i was a smooth navigator..until he mentions that im in the wrong lane..then me panic, gabra and all..i apologised nervously..altho i dunno for what..for putting his life in danger? hahah..hey mY life was in danger too ok..so ya ok..sorry for myself..so after that parking..vertical parking..the non-parallel one..forgot what its called..it went ok..then..out..then turn right..yup..right again..right into the wrong lane...im so blonde by now im going bald..twice!..stupid mistake twice!..aargh..o ya forgot to mention..before this i sorta mounted the kerb (deja vou)...to which the tester dramatically flailed his arms as if a bus was coming towards him..see after the first mistake of turning into the wrong lane, my brunette hair has entirely bleached and my focus was on american idol that night instead..so yea..i was still sorta panicking ..unnecessarily turning my head for blind spot left right everywhere for a left turn..my signals going haywire..
then out into the main road..im just thankful that im outta the bloody circuit..stationary van stood by the side of the road..i intended to overtake..and i did..even with cars on the next lane..so i squeezed thru..and thats dumb blond mistake no.3..i bet the black mercedes behind me was like.."ohh..shes gone..fail ah fail"..well..black mercedes man was right..so ya..drove the roads..the easy route..not much of a problem..went back to the centre..back to the office..tester went..i think something like.."blah blah..wrong lane 2 times!..blah blah.." i was wondering what he'd look like if he had red hair like john stevens..
so i walked out..feeling stupid and sad and disappointed at myself..i could sense a sad cheesy symphony with a lotta violin playing the background..felt like going to the toilet and cry..but didnt have time..had to go home..get my spanish books and go for spanish class..met my instructor..told him..but didnt really wanna tell him..and hes all surprised..like "why?? wasted lehh..just now can what..what happened?" ..
i have no answers to that really..i think the first mistake made me feel disoriented..im not very good at regaining my composure sometimes..i tend to let thoughts on early mistakes linger..heh..excuses..ok so next test some time in june..i dunno what other dumb mistakes i can be capable of..but whatever it is..i dont wanna surprise myself anymore..ok..no mooooore
ok told u i was in the mood for story telling..ok off to my aunt's house for a kenduri..how do u say that in english..umm..a prayer session..yea..for a new house..
happy good friday yall.
Wednesday, April 7, 2004 10:01 p.m.
que me pasa?
maybe im not meant to drive on the roads...maybe im meant to drive the mrt..like my dad..heh..fucK.
Monday, April 5, 2004 11:40 p.m.
17-year-old-model-who-degrades-herself-to-fish-for-compliments: "I'm inconfident..I need to gain some confidence..how do I do that.."
nerdy-but-attractive-girl-model-with-brains: "umm..I dunno..*sips tea*..get out of puberty?"
Sunday, April 4, 2004 11:02 p.m.
run run away..
what makes us not go up to a stranger and slap them, what stops us from standing up on our seat in the middle of a boring lecture and belt out "she bangs", what holds us back from jumping off the ledge..when we're physically capable of doing all these things..and sometimes its at the back of our minds..but we dont do it..social norms yea..but..i dunno..sometimes in the train i wonder what would happen if i were to suddenly stand on my seat and scream "the end is NEAR!" suddenly or something..hahah..ok mad thoughts i know..dont worry i still have the thin line between sanity and madness in check..
work wasnt too bad today..maybe coz i had yesterday off..same old shite..under pressurizing circumstances i get to see the real mccoy of everyone..including myself..im pretty satisfied i can hold it together better than some i've seen..not to say that i always hold it together..but still..we are all so deceiving behind smiles..
Tuesday, March 30, 2004 09:36 p.m.
when we count all our blessings..and wonder what we're doing here...
was just wondering how long its been since i've seen my doctor...and came to the conclusion: pretty long. Then the very next day came a hint of a sore throat, woke up with a blocked nose and a body-ache as i sneeze my organs out..wooohooo..as jewel sings, "d'you d'you wannawanna catch a cold with me?"...i feel hot..like hottt..not kinky hot but literally hot..u know when u're in a cold place then when u breathe out theres this mist..well i feel hot in a way where when i breathe out, it feels like theres smoke..fire smoke..ah hmmm..
maybe it was the stressful weekend...i almost had it with work..had to extend for an hour and a half on saturday..talked to my manager bout it...i said i've had it..and im exhausted..yada yada..everything 'cept the bitching that goes on from time to time..he smells im not telling him enough..hmmm..i may have under-estimated his intelligence..hahah..he said if i was tired and cant juggle with sch..we can work it out..he now allows my exam leave and allows me to only work on sundays..if i still cant cope then i can talk to him again...hmmmm..will see..
i think im starting to hate group projects..such a hassle..to find a common time to meet..the digressing..the politically correctness that leads to groupthink...maybe its the pple...ahh..
im sweating as i type this..is it getting hot in here or is it just me...arrr
Wednesday, March 24, 2004 12:01 a.m.
The working days were propping the bar quietly erasing the week
and I was in a corner booth thinking (pretending to read)
about the impossibility of one to love unconditionally
and the words that we drive into the ground:
their repitition starts to thin their meaning.
Then everything got frighteningly still as they entered and intersected the floor
and I tried to choke my stare at the perfection that others would kill for.
But all of the parts are the same on every face -- few variables change.
The differences pale when compared to the similarities they share.
Finally there is clarity and there is purpose after all.
But every night ends the same as I'm collapsing once more by your side.
Finally there is clarity: this tiny life is making sense
and every drop numbs the both of us, but I am alone staggering.
"debate exposes doubt" - death cab for cutie
Friday, March 19, 2004 01:07 a.m.
all in one breath now...
omigod im done! and i predicted to finish around 3..woohooo..what worse than doing an essay the last minute? citing from greek scholars thats what..its like i had to write..according to Chorianopoulos, Lekakos, Skoularidou, Papakiriakoupoulos and Hipopotamous, HDTV blah blah blah blah...and no, with the exception of the last one, i did not makde those names up...
i've to thank these guys tho..coz their articles available from the Internet allowed me to finish my essay quicker...god bless em all..and my essay. hopefully it wont be too greek for my professor. woosh
Thursday, March 18, 2004 12:59 a.m.
wicked witch of the west wind wallows by the water..wooo
awesome..buffy's back on 5..fart's happy buffy's bra-less, im happy spike's got justin timberlake hair..they sure know how to please the entire demographic..woohoo..its the best show in the world (that hasnt been canned)..did i ever tell u that? yea i think i did but thing is..i havent changed my mind one bit..some pple lose interest in the shows they used to be crazy about..but this show kicks ass, head and guts..ah hmm..and did i mention its the best show in the world? o ya i did.
Monday, March 15, 2004 10:58 p.m.
soy un perdedor...so why dont you kill me?
so this decent-looking-probably(hopefully)-metrosexual-dude gets on the bus and he forgot his card and has got no coins, only notes...the bus driver screamed something hokkien..cute metrosexual pleads to the rest of the passengers "could anybody lend me a card or some coins?"..girl smitten by this dude looked in her bag for her wallet..and alas! she didnt bring her walleT! there goes her chance to help out this good looking dude..everybody else didnt really respond..someone shook her head...good looking dude shook his head and went "no?"..good looking dude went back to the uncle and pleaded for him to just accept his 2 dollar note..and uncle accepts and we continue the boring journey to the interchange..
damn it..i could kick myself for forgetting to bring my wallet to school this morning..i had a ten dollar note my mom always gives me before i head off in the morning..i had my ez-link card(which i always keep separate from my wallet to prevent myself into getting into the good-looking dude's situation)..but i didnt have the all-important freakin coins (which were in my wallet)..i know most pple hate coins..but i love itt...i need it for the vending machine in school..didnt have coins to get iced coffee in the morning(which was sold out anyway)..so fell asleep during first lecture..and second lecture and third...and..i paid attention ok..sometimes we just have to give in to forces of nature..muahah..
and yea..no coins to help out poor hottie..its not like i wont help out the guy if he was ugly...its just that my hands naturally moved faster to help when the "victim's" decent-looking..hehah..yes.guilty.
Sunday, March 14, 2004 10:16 p.m.
we laugh indoors
just had the last piece of yesterday's chapatti coz my brother ate all the chickens...and then had a cornetto ice cream..weee..queen-ish supper i tell u...
there was some ice cream sale on friday and saturday i think...cornettos and stuff going for 15 cents..15 cents?!?..(they tasted alright by the way, and i feel alright so its all good)..so my uncle bought like a box fer us..now i have a year's supply of cornettos..hehah..ok maybe a week la
went to my aunts new house at mandarin gardens saturday night..nice cosy..it was too late at night to go swimming tho..while we were there my aunts and uncles were discussing bout my uncle's coming wedding..in september i think..my youngest uncle's getting married! weeee..if its planned my aunts and uncles then it'll be exciting stuff..it was so interesting to watch them discuss..they looked like adults on a school project..heh..its no different than students discussing over a school project really..the digressing..the reminiscing..the gossiping..the student whos excited to throw all his/her ideas and missing some points the leader brought up..(my grandma was guilty of being the hyperactive student..which isnt surprising..hehah)..and the groom-to-be was his laidback self nursing a running nose...i was too sleepy from work to animatedly join in..i was within the circle..just listening in and joinin in the jokes and laughter, keeping out of the serious stuff..
ok...right now i feel like taking a vacation..like to the canaries islands or something..i dunno..or something
Friday, March 12, 2004 07:45 p.m.
is a little skin too much flesh for you?
my mom complains my t-shirts are tight and they show my belly, my butt and the sleeves are too short to even be called sleeves...of course shes exaggerating...what shes decribing is really just a normal t girls normally wear..not provocative at all (unless you have a really good imagination)..but not to my mom..nooo..a hint of skin and its like OMIGOD the world is ENDING!..i have nothing to say...i think i dress like a modern day saint (hahahah)...she has to be thankful that i do not wear spaghetti straps, that i do not wear mini skirts and that i do not even wear sleeveless shirts...seriously, theres more for a mother to smile about than frown when her daughter dresses like me in this day and age...but then mothers dont come from this day and age..hmpfftgrrbleh
anyways..i feel like an archeologist who has dug up the old tomb of tutankhamen and found a velociraptor's thigh bone beside it or something like that...i discovered "death cab for cutie"...yay..mellow songs..male version of azure ray..different yes..but mellow soothing melancholic and refreshing lyrics..
my driving instructor told me of an easy way to make money after hearing how i make peanuts at the cafe for long hours...all i have to do is tutor someone on basic theory driving and if they pass their basic theory test after my 2 hr or so coaching, i can get up to a hundred bucks..of course these are pple who have failed the test like 10 times before or something..its a sorta like if u can guarantee their pass, they'll pay u big bucks..im all for itttt...but i have to find time first..
ooookay...speaking of time..i need to sit down and do some time-planning...exams around the corner..projects undone..sort out offdays from work...dental appointment..sashay in front of mom in my favourite t-shirts..........
Thursday, March 11, 2004 01:32 a.m.
be true to your teeth or your teeth will be false to you..
had my first driving lesson today since my last test..i miss it..the driving..but kinda almost forgot everything bout parking..heh..
hmmmmm...i hava a toothache thats bothering me...hafta go to the dentist...its been eons since i last headed to the dentist..i remember how in primary school, there was this red clipboard thats passed around classrooms..and in the middle of a lesson, it would come and a name would be read..and the person has to go down to the first floor, the dental place and have their session...i remember all of us wincing when we see the red clipboard coz the nurse wasnt exacttly the friendly type..she'd go something like.."aiyo, what you eat?"..and then get the teeth plastic model and show you how to brush your teeth..and then you have to follow afterwards..o ya..then there was the after recess mass brushing session..there were the plastic mugs we had to bring..and a toothbrush..after recess the whole class goes to the field, squat, brush their teeth, spit then go back to class...if you didnt bring a mug then ur screwed..and then there was the milk ordering system..where u pay some money monthly i think..and the class monitors get the number of milk ordered by each class during recess and those who ordered them brings one small carton home..we'd all get disappointed when it was plain milk instead of chocolate..if it was chocolate milk, i'd bring it home and put it in the freezer and then share the frozen ice chocolate milk with my mom...
all that effort and i still have unhealthy teeth..pfft.
TidBitzz