it hurts when i take a deep breath.....
an old chinese woman was looking at me from the void deck as i walked towards my block...im like..ee..freaky..whatchu staring at? *frown frown*...then as i got to the lift...she followed me...we were both standing in front of the 3 lifts..waiting...then 2 lifts reached the ground floor simultaneously...the woman pointed to one of it and said "use this one better la ah..this one...newer(i think she said sumthin like that)"...wellllll...it wasnt exactly new...so i thought..ok..maybe shes had a bad "lift experience" or some sorta phobia...and i imagined her to be my grandma (who always presses both the down and up arrow button at once even if shes only going down...and that bugs me alwaysss)...so i thought..ok la...accompany her...what could be so bad..shes old and frail...doesnt look like shes gonna hold a gun to my head..seemed harmless enough...the only possible harm could be that she was a supernatural presence..wahah..argh! im scarin myself.
ok so we were inside the lift..and she presses the 24th level button with an umbrella..ok no gun..just an umbrella..her feet was touching the ground..no supernatural presence..ok..phew..then she started small talk with me..in malay.."baru balek kerja ah? (just came home from work ah?)"..."ummm..no la..school...sekolah"...just that...then we reached the 4th floor..my floor...then thats it...hope she reaches the 24th floor safely...
and u know i always tell my grandma the simple rationale behind pressing the up arrow button only if u wanna go up, and the down arrow only if u wanna go down...then she goes..."oh..ehh?" ...and then there she goes pressing both buttons again!...and once i got so irritated with it...coz we interrupted the people in the lift who were going up..when we wanted to go down..and i explained it to her again...and she looks at me nonchalantly and says "action seyy..." wahahah...i love my grandma la.
Friday, August 13, 2004 04:15 p.m.
a few minutes on friday
its friday the 13th..nope im not one for superstitions..
there was a rose sitting on the front hood of my car when i came to the lot this morning...kinda creepy..but its a nice change from all the crappy "we want your car!" (to scrap, most likely) pamphlets that i've been getting on my windscreen lately..maybe its to thank me for accepting all that junk. hehah..
Wednesday, August 11, 2004 11:26 p.m.
this is the half light, see me as i am
i think my parents are very patient people..to have put up with my occasional unspeakably repulsive behavior...my disrespectful-ness and ungratefulness...my darker side which strangely and unfairly unfolds seemingly only to them..without warning and without explanation. sometimes i'm very 5-year-old-ish...slamming the door, ignoring their questions...yes they get repulsed but its all okay the next day or so. i shall buy them a glass of bandung. ah. seeeeeeeeee..see what i mean by ungratefulnesss...arr.
but then again..sometimes they give me the catalyst for the thorns to grow on my head...which i use to only bulldoze towards them...its a vicious cycle..a sick cycle carousel..a broken ferris wheel..a no-end dance..a freudian rollercoaster..a...a parent-child relationship.
there in the half-light where we both stand
Monday, August 9, 2004 11:34 p.m.
mojo and jojo
my day only began in the evening............national day shmational day..woteva..wearing red on national day is cheeeeeesy..blegh.
met up with yan and shrek at ps...to get yan's shoes at x-odus...then i wanted to eat wofo[an "act-cute" way of saying waffle(but i wasnt acting cute ok)]..so we had wofos at gelare...yummmmmmyyy...then yan told us bout a disturbing childhood of a boy whose autobiography shes reading..and disturbing is really an understatement..think psycho mom forcing her kid to puke and forcing him to eat his own puke...bleagh..then we got bored...felt like going to someone's house to watch singapore idol coz it'd just be a great laugh....so we called fart..to see if we could hang at his temporary bachelor pad (his sister-who's-on-vacation's condo) he said he doesnt finish work til 9...then boohoo...then he called a lil while later and said its onnnnnn..coz he told his manager he wanted to watch singapore idol..and his manager let him go off at 7.30..wow...thats one understanding manager...he rawks.
so we took a bus to river valley..we heard and saw a lil bit of the fireworks at kallang from the park mall bus stop and confirmed how small singapore freakin is...supposed to meet fart at river valley primary but we missed the stop...wahahah...i was looking at the bus stop's sign..shrek was looking out for the primary school..and yan who was reading the disturbing autobiography(!) actually spotted fart at the bus stop!..but it was too late to press the bell..yan went "eh fart!" and shrek and i could just point and go "ahhhhh!"..hehah..we had to go off the next stop which was quite a long walk away...missed maybe 5 minutes of idol...but the rest of the show was a freakin laugh!...wahahah...lemon tree guy..careless whisper guy...wahahaha...but we were disappointed coz they didnt really show the good singers..not that we're complaining bout the really bad ones...hehah..they were so bad that jojo the kitten scratched the tv screen a few times..wahhah
met mojo and jojo....yes the 2 cats thats been giving fart hell...the one where one pooped while standing on its 2 hind legs..wahahah...mojo is sooooooooo soft and furry and adorable and well-behaved...i wish i could take it home...jojo is one helluva kitten...chasing anything that moves...and climbing all over us and the food...hyperactive la..it shd be sedated sometimes..hehah..o ya fart, it needs a bath..but i love mojo!!! it will just find a spot and relax one corner..cool cat.
so after idol...i told my uncle to meet us at gwc..coz he needed to return the car back to me and he was somewhere out...he drove us to dover where he stays...then i took over the wheels..drove yan to her house..yan..thank god we didn't turn left..wahahah....then dropped shrek off at je...and im home now...and oh! alias is on! jennifer garner kicks ass. ok bye.
Sunday, August 8, 2004 10:37 p.m.
ditzy do
i just set the microwave on without putting in my dish...hahah...c'mon lemme hear it..the sarcastic applause..so its like...close the door..*beep* *beep* all set..i press start..turn around and gasp! the dish i wanted to heat up was right on the table in front of me! for a horror second, it felt like "excorcist"..you know the one where she turns around and the chairs were all stacked up..mine was a probable walking dish of nasi minyak ...hehah..but then again..it could just have been fatigue.
and to make myself look better.......here's some instances of ditziness at work..hehah
______________________
When words go too fast
me: "sorry ma’am, we don’t have banana muffin anymore, we have chocolate and coffee muffin."
customer: (in a no-full-stop manner) "ohyoudonthave thatone ah youonlyhavewhat? thischocolate andwhat cof..coffeen ah?"
me: "ah? Coffin?! Ah we don’t have coffin….wahahaha"
customer: "ahh…hahahah…i mean..coffee muffin ah…aiyoh…hahaha ..why did I say coffin ah?"
me: "you were speaking too fast….hehahah"
____________________
when words dont..umm...go together.
we usually ask if customers would like to heat up their muffin when they buy them…
Once a male customer ordered a banana walnut muffin and my colleague (a girl) unknowingly asked: “Sir, would you like me to heat up your banana?”
wahahaha
Saturday, August 7, 2004 10:44 p.m.
today's plan to go to the park fizzled shizzled keboozled...so i ended up stayin at home and watching a swedish movie and a teen movie classic..."my life as a dog" and "the breakfast club"...old but good stuff...esp the swedish movie..altho it was heavily censored..but i was so moved...beeen eons since i've watched a movie that made me laugh and cry in the one and half hours..very nostalgic...i miss my childhood.
i feel flabby. who feels like skating? or....ice cream? oh no wait..i dont feel skinny i feel flabby..ummmmmm..yoghurt?
Friday, August 6, 2004 09:03 p.m.
half baked soul, forgotten yeast.
"as the twilight smiles"
as the twilight smiles
i frown and feel small within
an ant walks my hand
i wonder if it compares
my skin to the soil
the air is too cold
i wonder if the sky breathes
our thoughts and then cry
the leaves are too quiet
i wonder what they think about
when the sun is out
my heart it gets weary
i hope i can still wonder
when the answers stop....
my friend, Azira wrote this poem and had passed it to me to be
published in the now defunct magazine "ChewyStickyGum" that
i was doing back then. and while unpacking just now, i came
across this poem again. and since CSG is dead, i shall publish it
on our blog then....agape, sleeping with ghosts
# posted by BooksActually : 10:23:54 PM
__________
boredom led me to this entry...hehah...ahh..i remember CSG...maybe im a magnet for things meant to be half-done...this, a secondary school newspaper, track and field, floorball,creations,my very own script,learning the guitar, certain relationships? all cooked medium rare..never well done..why ah? well most of these were by circumstances...or maybe its just that..that i always blame it on circumstances..i blame myself too but i get over that too easily...i move on too easily? or...coz i know if i cling myself to something..im a freakin leech..so i dont even dare touch it...hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....i'd like to be horoscope writer..those things always look half-written.
Monday, August 2, 2004 09:22 p.m.
pop-u-lar
Well Think it over once or twice,
What lasts the longest in this life,
Character, or rock hard thighs?
in the end do you believe,
That beauty lies in what you see?
'cause if you do, then baby
You´ve been deceived.
Well me and B, we hate supermodels,
It's not that we know anyone personally,
It's just that I'm tired of being compared.
OHMYGOD. I SO HAVE TO GET THIS! its my mostmostmost favouritEST show in the universe...besides buffy..too bad it got canned after the 2nd season...i still have some episodes on tape...i love the show..its so biting and weird with an offbeat sense of humor..which is just..me. heh. ok i have to start saving. or just get a sugar daddy. muahah.
Sunday, August 1, 2004 09:31 p.m.
call me a lyrics whore
here's to getting to know me better.........
I like to make good people happy,
I hate it when bad people torment me.
and.
you don't have to beat around the bush with me. I'll do that with you.
and now, a song..*ballerina dances in the background*
Here's the silhouette
the face always turned away
the bleeding color gone to black
dying like a day
couldn't figure out what made you so unhappy
shook your head to say no no no
and stopped for a spell
and stayed that way
oh well, okay
i got pictures, i just don't see it anymore
climbing hour upon hour through a total bore
with the one i keep where it never fades
in the safety of a pitch black mind
an airless cell that blocks the day
oh well, okay
if you a get a feeling the next time you see me
do me a favor and let me know
'cos it's hard to tell
it's hard to say
oh well, okay
oh well, okay
oh well, okay
elliott smith - oh well, okay
___________________________________________
oh for the record, yesterday was a horrible day and would've been worse save for Y and his kick-ass navigation...if not for him,i would've been lost and the day would've been worst....ironically my horoscope today says i shouldn't overreact if i had to do some major overtime lately..but i dont like to cover for irresponsible asses..grrr. arrr. and i lost my name tag and apron...clueless-ly..i swear i saw my name tag on my table..its disappearance is almost supernatural to me..or im just plain careless and ignorant. whichever. blah. another problem to procrastinate on. yay.
Friday, July 30, 2004 01:45 p.m.
november in july
All the faces none the same
How can there be so many personalities
So many lifeless empty hands
So many hearts in great demand
And now my sorrow seems so far away
Until i'm taken by these bolts of pain
But i turn them off and tuck them away
till these rainy days that make them stay
And then i'll cry so hard to these sad songs
And the words still ring, once here now gone
And they echo through my head everyday
And i dont think they'll ever go away
Just like thinking of your childhood home
But we cant go back, we're on our own..
happy birthday letbox...its a good life if we don't weaken. *flex muscles* ...hehah
Thursday, July 29, 2004 09:50 p.m.
sunny days, everybody loves them
tell me, can. you. stand. the. rain.
storms will come, this we know for sure
tell me, can you stand the rain...
its raininggg...hmmmm...free car wash? i hope it rains all through the night..
radio practicum sounds like fun...im takin lotsa production modules...quite apprehensive bout spreading myself too thin..but i'd rather spend hours editing audio or video than an hour editing an essay...so yeeeha...i hope i wont be biting my tongue....
my white cat is turning orange-y...maybe she sat on somethin...i hope its not like...jaundice or somethin..heeesh...
we are all currently being brainwashed by singapore songs...watch out people...i used to like power 98 until they keep playing patriotic songs every half hour or somethin..so im not trusting mediacorp radio for now..i shall listen to my cds. this is home this is home.......i know la.
Wednesday, July 28, 2004 08:14 p.m.
wokay...hair cut...the hairdresser's name's jenny..yea..jenny from the block did a good job..dont be fooled by the rocks that shes got ok..its half a jenny day...coz after that i got a nice striped top from jennyfer..then had hot chocolate and shared an oreo cheesecake with liza...then drove to IMM..and bought some more stuff...some insurance person approached me...she was like "hi would u like a life savings plan?(or somethin like that)"...and i go.."nooo..thanx...savings? whats that?" my surname's "spender"..muahah...im getting better at reverse parking..yay.
i feel a flu coming...sniffing..and sneezing..yay. i love sneezing..i dont get how some pple hold back their sneeze...its sooo ummm..."liberating" to let it all out..like a full blast AHHH CHOOOO!...oh the satisfaction is like an emptied 'diarrhea-ic' stomach..ok gross analogy. heh. but seriously...feel the freedom..let it out people!.. strategically of course.
Tuesday, July 27, 2004 07:35 p.m.
it's like I have ESPN or sumthin'!
no schooooool todayy....just got back from watching mean girls with aini...altho we missed like 10-15 minutes of it. becuz...............lets start from the beginning...
*roll tape*
scene 1: yesterday..last night. checked the paper and it said 12.15 and 4.30 at JP...aini has class at 6.30 so its quite a dilemma..since 12.15 would be too early...so we thought since im driving, i'll just drive her to sch after the movie if we catch the 4.30 one...so we decided on that.
scene 2: next day (today)...met at 3.45 or so at jurong east..drove to jp..1 buck per entry! yayy...narrow narrow ramps...finally got a parking spot at b2...went up the travellator..headed to ntuc to get cheap snacks...then went up to the cinema...all excited, wide-eyed and armed with cheap snacks to sneak in, "mean girls, 4.30 please!"...ticket auntie goes "huh..oh that one 4.10, just now."...us: "huh?!? ...4.30! why not 4.30!"...muahahah...ella enchanted was playing at 4.50 and i, robot was playing at 4.30...but we werent gonna settle! we were anticipating some bitchin! and mean fun! not ...a fairy tale...or a buncha robotsss!...so we thought..o heck la..we'd have missed maybe 10-15 minutes or so...betta than nothing...better than walking away disappointed/dejected with a bag of calbee potato chips, cadbury choquettes, chocolate biscuits and apple juice! so we went in anyway...and 'twas funnnn...very..how do u say it.. fetch? hehah...anyway, relyin on Y to burn the movie so we can get a more wholistic picture of the movie..yay.
so thats it...i wanna cut my hair tomorrow..at jp again..hahah..maybe not the hippest place..but i can save petrol and i can save parking charges..o and u know what? they do valet parking at jp...cool uh...didnt try that out just now tho...couldnt find it...went against a one way lane when goin out of the carpark..haha..luckily there was a car maintenance section where i could turn in (unskillfully but well-guided by the guys there) and proceeded safely from there..hehah...i hear u...(amateur amateur, she's so amateur)..lalala.
Monday, July 26, 2004 01:22 a.m.
hello moon
i like the still of the night. the cricket sounds minus my dad's loud snoring.
fell asleep at 8+ (pm just now)..intending to wake up at 9+ but couldnt resist the snooze and the stop snooze..and slept til 11+...mom woke me...fetched dad frm work..frm the depot at toh tuck rd..save taxi fare..pretty near..i dont mind the drive..specially at hours like these..where there're few or no cars...its nice. so now. i can't really sleep. first lecture's at 9am later...hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..
oh so yesterday...ah yesterday..had a funky evening...met sharm and aini at jurong east and i drove us to the airport to send shaz off......well i almost drove us to timbuktoo...i swear i did my research..coz i wanted so much for it to be a pleasant journey without any hiccups..asked my uncle how to get to airport and parking stuff and all...but didnt heed his advice..or didn't know how to...missed the ecp exit and headed towards tiong bahru rd instead...where i go to work..so i thought lets stick to familiarity..so i stopped at gwc and aini asked the cab driver in front how to get to the airport and the bugger said "take taxi la!"..wahahah..cant blame him..but he gave poor directions..so i just relied on my excellent first class passengers to turn the directory upside down..and after meandering through african roads we've never seen before we were finally heading in the right direction...PHEW! oh the relief! u have no ideaaa...hehah..but nevertheless, lets be positive and look back and laugh and say we had fun...coz we did..right? right? in an amazing race sorta way. but as sharm said reassuringly...once u've made these mistakes..u'll definitely remember it and not do it again..hehah..hopefullyyy..
so we reached changi airport..all well and early!..i was distressed bout being late and missing seeing shaz off..but we came and saw sham sitting all alone with an emo background music video setting..not anticipating saying goodbye to shazzz...then met the rest of the "hoodlum"...mai & lokman, yan, fart, Y, om, ted, faizal(?)..did i miss anyone out? ok. then said bye-bye. see you soon. have fun. snapped pictures. waved gdbye. waved to ticket lady...hehah..then dinner..prata at some shop beside the canteen...not that nice la..the cheese prata is so "can-do-at-home-one" quality..heh..then went home..
maybe getting lost was a blessing in disguise, coz if we'd been much earlier..parking woulda been dang expensive..so ya..lets be positive again..hehah..drove sharm, aini and yan...intended to drive yan home...but missed the clementi exit..sorry dudette..dropped them off at jurong east instead..note to everyone..dont take 83(?) from jurong east to west coast..it takes forever!..muahah..and i realize its great to drive even if u get lost when u have reliable and cool-ass passengers..hehah..
so then later on that night..drove to fetch dad and topped up some petrol..didnt realise the price was cheaper the day earlier..motorists were queue-ing to fill up their tanks before the price shot up..the caltex guy told us...see la..hmm..need to take note of these sorta stuff from now on.
ok have i rambled enough? yes i think so. i feel a tinge of sleepiness coming..lemme just lure it like dangling thread to a cat by just tucking into my comforter and turning the air-con full blast.
Saturday, July 24, 2004 02:00 p.m.
breathe
had to sit through a rather boring basic food hygiene class my manager sent me to yesterday...the test by the NEA was so freakin easy its smells like a conspiracy. it was pretty tortorous sitting through the 9-5 class with a killer toothache...dentist appointment on monday..listened to an overworked mcdonald's staff telling her story during lunch break..they were all complaining of being so used but somehow with the uniform on, it seems like a palpable forced loyalty held them back as they still stay on. i just sat through the shit and the lame jokes telling myself that the certificate im gonna get at the end may be good(or maybe eventually worthless) for if i ever wanted to open my own cafe. most of the people who attended were mcdonald's crew...i dont see any from the cafe...mcdonald's crew mostly consist of some elderly and lotsa malay school dropouts...was my discomfort in that environment borne out of my nose-to-the-sky arrogance?
maybe i should do a documentary on that. the intangible but somewhat obvious to the naked eye social standings in singapore.
met with shaz, sham, yan, aini, fart, om, teddy in town..then headed to newton circus for dinner...the guys had gong gongs and the girls had lalas...among many other dishes..woooeeee...then met Y on the way to esplanade then lepak-ed and "masterminded" at the esplanade(nade? or nard?).......got home at 12+...mommy wasn't happy...but only for awhile.
shazz's flyin off todayyyy...boooohoohoo. school starts on monday for us. aye.
Thursday, July 22, 2004 09:21 p.m.
owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
i've been putting up with this cruel-horrible-cringe-and-ball-up-into-a-foetal-position pain...my lower back teeth..the terribly destroyed one...aaaaargh...looks like i've to bid farewell to it soon...unless i wanna do a root canal...but i dont..and the dentist said its ok to extract coz its the end tooth..i can still eat...i dont care..i just want the pain to go awayyyyy..shoo!..siam!..po dah! oh im gonna learn mandarin when term starts...watch out.
on the train home from work today, there was a thin and sleepy old woman dozing off beside me...its irritating coz she doesn't seem to wake up occasionally even when the train jerks...so she slowly, irritatingly lets her body unconsciously bend to the riiiiiiiiiight and then the leeeeeeeeeeeft (where i sat, and kept knocking against my shoulders, and i just kept "tsk-ing" in vain..then changed seats when it got intolerable)...see the thing is..i didnt know whether she was sleeping or if she was like...not alive...coz she just kept swaying...eek..maybe i quickly changed seats coz i was afraid i'd be sittin beside a dead body...but i fell asleep myself (responsibly without knocking against fellow passengers beside me, mind u)..and when i woke up at my stop(right when my dream ended)..the old woman also got up and left..ahhh...shes alive.
Monday, July 19, 2004 11:13 p.m.
i wish i could fast forward "extreme makeover" right now on tv..coz its kinda lame and i just wanna watch "alias".....but im watching it anyway..o! and i learnt the term "schoolteacher butt" from the wardrobe makeover expert..wahahah...i'll leave that up to you to decide if its good or bad..no offence to teachers..hey its the wardrobe guy who came up with it!
.....btw, i will not buy cigarettes for underaged kids..buzz off.
Sunday, July 18, 2004 07:13 p.m.
ssssssssssssssssmokin!
drove to work today!...oh them budget-cutting money-makers are not gonna pay our cab fares for those doing opening from now on coz operating hours has changed from 7 to 7.30...which means we have to be at the store by 7 instead of the usual 6.30 and coz of this they expect us to get the bus or train since it would already be in service. sucky. there have been passive aggressive reactions from openers..who just came laaate..saying the bus was late yada yada yada...muahah..we're just pissed that the change came so suddenly..without warning..
so anyways...as i was sayin..i drove to work! alone..in the morning..very lil cars...i knew the way since i've taken the cab to work several times..so as i was reaching..i smelt something burning...and once i got into the very-empty-only-my-car-was-present parking lot...the front hood was smokin!...damn. i didnt know if i shd like..call the fire engine and run...muahah...but i didnt la..i opened the hood...and realised the air con vent was blowing smoke...so i turned off the air con..there was this rubber thingy...the air con belt broke..and my aunt said they just fixed the air con..so there's a warranty..so ya..i finished parking the car...called my parents..coz they were freakin worried i was driving alone..then went to work..i was sooo early...like. damn...couldnt get to show my solidarity passive aggression..muahah...i would've stayed in the car for awhile if the air con was workin....so in the aft..my uncle who normally borrows the car..called and asked if he could use the car...i told him bout the smoke and all...and he came down to my workplace when i finished work to take a look at it..so nice of him.....i was quite apprehensive bout driving it back...he confirmed it was the air con...and as long as i switched it off...we could drive...in discomfort..but still thankful it wasnt the engine...so ya la...i drove me home and he borrowed the car and said he'll take the car to the workshop....he'll return it when its fixed..im so lucky hes doin it for me..cant wait for air con to be fixed..parking was bout 2 bux per entry on the weekends..yay. can drive to work.
farz is in town! after a loooong holiday to barcelona, ibiza, sweden and god knows where else...her term starts late september so she'll be flyin back to london september..and shes movin to pasir panjang...i didnt know pasir panjang was in the west until now...wahahah...ok i'm gonna study the singapore map and directory thoroughly now...coz driving sux when u dont know where ur going and where u are. ok. thats all. im hungry. bye.
TidBitzz