My intention was not to hurt but to make you understand. Granted, it wasn't the best way to convey my frustrations. I think I don’t have to owe you anything for your trust. I wanna do things because I made the decision to, not because you made that decision for me.
I know sometimes I don’t give you enough respect..but you don’t give me enough trust. And I don’t know how we can ever be on the same level of understanding. I don’t knowwww...
And I’m not always right. And for when I’m wrong, I will or would or will be paying for it. I know.
Thursday, October 14, 2004 09:26 p.m.
thief! mother******* thief!
lost. my. wallet. realized it this morning. most probably lost it yesterday evening. felt like crying really, but too many things on my mind that distracted me from thinking bout it. !@#$%$#@! ..so from vivid memory-recalling and amateur investigating, I concluded it was stolen yesterday while we were getting b-rolls for our broadcast journ piece. at hougang! !@#$%$#! oh the sacrifices for assignments... whoever took my wallet, I hope the wind blows you onto the MRT tracks and you get dragged from boon lay to pasir ris..if no one stole it and it was just my carelessness, then...argh. !@#$ me.
so to let my misery be a butterfly...I'll list what I lost.
bus pass
driving license(!!!!)
matric card
atm card
ez link giro card (!!!!)
cafe galilee loyalty card where I had only 1 chop left til I get a free finger food
cash. around 10 bux.
picture of my cat
caltex reward points card..theres over 400 points there..
omigod this is miserable. the waste of money I've to spend in getting these cards back. ok I feel like crying now.
uuuuuuuuurrrrghhhh..float misery float. the only consolation is my IC..I've always kept it separate from my wallet and safe at home..just in case..not that I ever hoped there will ever be a "just-in-case"..but..ta daaa..cruel cruel fate had to surprise me.
looong bad day today...forgot to eat lunch and dinner..I guess I'm psychologically prepared for fasting then. another loong filming broadcast journ day tmr. fuck man. fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck. ok thats not very cathartic. I feel like.............slamming a solid object against the wall...anything..agh.
Tuesday, October 12, 2004 11:37 p.m.
hard brake hotel
ok there are soooooo many other things I should do right now instead of blogging..but I've been doing those things for 234357 hours now and I'm taking a break..so..ya..cut me some slack..and a break means listening to al green and a minute to rant online and a slice of gardenia banana walnut bread.
*al green playing on earphones* *munching banana bread* and this is my rant --> I wanna fast forward this sem til all the deadlines have already been met..*munch munch*...this is too much..but how much is enough? just found out there's chinese test tomorrow *cough* *choke* and its on characters and shite and I haven't studied shite..as in..havent started revising at all...wah..wo si liao la..jiu ming ah!
ok now I feel like listening to david gray..but alas! break is over! back to busy-ness.
ta ma de.
Monday, October 11, 2004 11:38 p.m.
no time to make time
grr. don't ask me to make time damnit. There're no ingredients to it..
Sunday, October 10, 2004 08:13 p.m.
can't stand me now
Try to pull the world, I wasn't feeling too clever
my fuse was short today. you could piss me off just by glancing in my direction. I snapped. at a colleague, at my manager, at a customer. I'm thinking menopause. nyahah. just a warning. proceed with caution with me for the coming week. *parks "danger" sign here*. but I think the wind will blow it away by tomorrow. so. ha. unfinished business, unfinished something, we have unfinished something you and I and I supress the frustration every day that I'm constipated.
apparently I'm just a passerby scent..or somethin sum'mm.....
Saturday, October 9, 2004 09:34 p.m.
hands up hands up lemme see your hands up
hm.
tired. fell asleep while watching "one tree hill"...slept like I hadn't slept for days...hehah...set out to raffles place this morning at 7...shooting is fun but mannn...people who make handphones smaller and smaller should help shrink shooting equipment. But its a wrap! and I'm pretty satisfied with what we'd done..considering we had so many locations. but its done! yeeeeeha..big up to our very patient, helpful and skillful actor and also to my team mates *big slap on their backs*..hehah. we went thru rain, shine, heavy-equipment-lugged-around-to-more-than-3-locations, skipping lessons, getting lost in the cbd area, uncool security guard, hunger, heat, rain..oh..mentioned rain already..all for a friggin one minute vid. uh hmm. its called PASSION baby!! gyeahhh
\m/
friday night was nice. met up with my chicas for prata..and then hot choc..laughed til we cried. as usual. sent sharm back to her hall and it was raining and all..and as i drove back out to the jalan bahar exit..it was creeeepy and foggy and raining..i was preparing myself to suddenly see something pop out in the middle of the road..wahah..and then on the radio, p10 was playing justin timberlake's "cry me a river", if you've heard of the song, you'd know the beginning right..theres this gregorian chant-like thingy where a low voice eeriely goes "yeee-eee-ee-eeee-eee"...so that was playing while i was driving through a stretch of a creepy road. perfect timing. so perfect, it kinda made me laugh ...wahahah...which spoilt the perfect horror mood huh. thank you justin. muah! dont marry cameron leh.
....ok I'm off..."yeeee-eee-eee-eee-eee" *bass drop* "you were my sunnnn.......you were my earrrthh......"
Monday, October 4, 2004 01:44 p.m.
wake up kids, we've got the dreamers disease
crap. another blue monday. come sing with me.
You've got the music in you
Don't let go
You've got the music in you
One dance left
This world is gonna pull through
Don't give up
You've got a reason to live
Can't forget
We only get what we give......
Health insurance rip off lying
F.D.A. big bankers buying
Fake computer crashes dining
Cloning while they're multiplying
Fashion shoots with beck and hanson
Courtney Love and Marilyn Manson
You're all fakes
Run to your mansions
Come around
We'll kick your ass in!!
ow! giveittomenow!
*headbanging and air-guitaring*
Sunday, October 3, 2004 11:29 p.m.
this cough
damnit. this. cough. is. taking. its toll. on. me. I keep on coughin. too many times too much. whoaa o ohh...
the car is not behaving againnnnn...bloody air-con guy..ugh..grr..bleah..*insert other frustrated meaningless sounds here*...driving on a hot day yesterday was frustrating..I think its dangerous, coz the heat made me feel agitated, like I could just run someone or some car down if it'd pissed me off even the slightest bit..aha..thats right. blame the heat. blame something that can't defend itself. o and the cough. theres like some alien force in me forcing me to cough out phlegm that I cannot spit out. fuck man. I cannot. spit. them. out. so can you stop forcing me to cough?! hehah...seems like I did manage to spit out my sanity however huh. who the heck am I pleading to? God? ya ok..God, pleeeeeeeez, I've learnt my lesson...I'll appreciate my health more, I won't ignore those kids askin for donation on flag days and I'll (try my best to) not disrespect my parents again ok?. stop this cough, pleeeeez. *puss-in-boots wide-eyed expression* *blink blink* *cough cough couuuuuuuuuuuuugh*
Monday, September 27, 2004 12:07 a.m.
diagnosis osmosis
called in sick for work today. yeeeeeeha..cept my nose is blocked, it whistles when I breathe, my ears are blocked coz of the constant blowing of my nose, and I can't really taste when I eat..like the cream soup, which was really thick and could use maybe another pint of water or something. I need cough syrup just to make me sleep soundly. I kept getting dreams that screws with my mind. Like I'm half awake thinking of my assignments and half asleep dreaming up complications that never existed in the assignments. okay its hard to explain, but mostly, its a nightmare. and I think I've said before I like to sneeze but not when it feels like throwing up my internal organs damnit. And lying in bed all day when your health has been hit by a truck is not a good idea, I realize. It just makes it worse getting up and suddenly you forget where you are and where you put your body while trying to support your heavy head. But other than lying in bed, I wouldn't know what else to recommend..hehah..just try not to get sick lor.
ah dang. another busy week. ooo, fasting month is coming. I think I need to take care of my current cravings soon. I'm craving for prata, sushi and a hero cake(though not all at once).."hero" cake! remember those?! the small round chocolate coated cake..mannn, I miss it..it was like a singaporean twinkie..I don't think they sell em anymore...I guess all good things come to an end huh..even channel i. *sniff-whistle sigh*
Saturday, September 25, 2004 10:34 p.m.
What a frightening thing is the human
A mass of gauges and dials and registers
But we can read only a few
And those perhaps not accurately...
Saturday, September 25, 2004 12:41 a.m.
time's running out the door you're running in
its hard to define my weekends. But so its easy to watch em go by.
slept from 8.30 in the evening til next morning on thursday..pig. it was one of those 24 hour days that felt like 48..and earlier today was hazardously time-juggling...and then zppppt..suddenly its the weekend and I havent even caught my breath last monday.
echo and the bunnymen sang:
I want it now
I want it now
Not the promises of what tomorrow brings
I need to live in dreams today
I`m tired of the song that sorrow sings
And I want more than I can get
Just trying to, trying to, trying to forget
I`d walk to you through rings of fire
And never let you know the way I feel
Under skin is where I hide
The love that always gets me on my knees
And I want more than I can get
Just trying to, trying to, trying to forget
Nothing ever lasts forever
Nothing ever lasts forever
Nothing ever lasts forever
Nothing ever lasts forever
and I say goodnight. I hope your weekend's great. Think of me on your lonely lunches.
Thursday, September 23, 2004 02:06 a.m.
pay it forward
all work and no play makes jane a dull nerd all work and no play makes jane a dull nerd all work and no play makes jane a dull nerd all work and no play makes jane a dull nerd all work and no play makes jane a dull nerd all work and no play makes jane a dull nerd
Let's not make jane a nerd, lets give her a life, why don't you? pick up the phone now and call 1800-nomorenerdyjane. Have you made a difference in someone's life today?
*smacks a fly*
Saturday, September 18, 2004 11:23 p.m.
I'm worth leaving........for
listen.
S fell in love with B and supposedly B returned the love. Supposedly, because after a half a year of bliss that was to become a marriage, B suddenly started seeing his ex (who got ditched by B's family after doing something really wrong, and thus ruined her chances of getting married to B). In just a week of changed behaviour, B told off S in an sms saying that shes just too good for him, that she should go for her career and not waste her time being married to him instead. yada yada and more "im-trying-to-sound-noble-here-but-at-the-same-time-i'm-dumping-you-yea?" message. c'mon, say it with me, altogether now.."B. is. a. fuckin. asshole." *gong*
guys like these give men a bad reputation...or are all guys like this? oh by gilette's sake, give me hope!
stevie-o said, "forget bout him, go for your career.", echoing most of all the other advices that S got. And he gave some other good pointers. To insult a guy, you firstly, comment negatively about his body and secondly, insult his 'performance'..heh. so ya. S should sip on coffee and nonchalantly go "ok B, you do what you want ok, I just wanna let you know, that it was...stinky while it lasted..and I mean like..literally." (and then heave out heavily as if S had been holding her breath all this time). "and I'm really glad you found someone else who can tolerate your tummy, which I used to think it adorable that you always jokingly called it a six-pack - to which, I always had fun playing along with." *S laughs out loud and flips hair*..at which point B would go, "What'd you just say?" and S would reply, "Oh nothing, *cough*, I just said, I'll treat you guys to a slim wrap one day and hook you up with my friend, a sex counsellor, 'coz I think your new girl deserves to be happy." *S sashays into the the airplane where her glamorous air stewardess job takes her to exotic parts of the world while B gets disowned by his parents for marrying his ex and as S sips on fruit punch in a hawaiian beach, B is mixing 3-in-1 milo for his child no. 5 and a half.
wahahah..im mean..but hey that was fun. and yes, this was based on a true account, cept for six-pack, slim wrap and milo parts.
today's entry was brought to you by the letters J, E, R and K!
sunnyyy dayy...sweeping the clouds away! can you tell me how to get....
Friday, September 17, 2004 09:55 p.m.
yesterday in a twist of fate (or rather, a stroke of luck plus the fact that I have a car), I got to watch idols wildcard show live at the studio. so thanx to my friend's friend for that last minute extra tic! got a phone call at 7.20, telling me that there's an extra ticket if I wanted to come down to watch the show which starts live at 8..so I was like yeayeayea...got ready in 5 minutes and sped my way to caldecott in 20 minutes or so..reached at bout 7.55. The reception guy ushered me to the entrance but it was locked..so we went to another entrance..if the other entrance wasn't locked, I wouldn't have missed the first performance..oh well. quite a disappointing show mann. why oh why can't haizad pronounce the words well enough..I was behind you dude! and shirin...aiyah..wot a waste. maia was ok, beverly was aiight..sylvester..gahh.."dith-guth-ting!"...I can imagine so many people I know personally who have the talent and would really rock that stage besides the "talents" that we've been seeing so far..but then again, that may be a distorted opinion..but still..I'm sure I'd have many people agreeing with me on this. but then again..o well. its just TV.
ok, I'm goin to vanuatu now.
Wednesday, September 15, 2004 11:57 p.m.
singapore non-idols
just got back from watching idol rejects at mediacorp studio...it was entertaining...lame la..but dang funny...teared up laughing...reality entertainment at its lamest but funniest. initially thought we were gonna watch the wildcard show...was quite psyched mang...and then xinyi told me in the car on our way to the studio..that it's idol rejects as in the lousy ones in the auditions who got rejected...wahahah...but ok la..twas fun..to watch a "live" show behind the scenes...the fake "hey crowd, cheer now and let the camera capture you so that we can paste it and edit it into the show to fake the environment somewhat"...aha. I dont think we were captured..coz we sat towards the side instead of the middle..which is a good thing I guess..coz I think we laughed at everything..even tho its not supposed to be laughed at..coz it was just dang funny la.
so after that, had mushroom cheese and tissue prata with kerri, valren and daniel...after some meandering towards bukit timah...and I have "blue" songs stuck in my head now coz I had boyband wannabes at the backseat karaoke-ing/moaning the whole time..wahahah.
grrr. projects projects...so much more work to welcome me when school re-opens..dang it.
playing badminton tomorrow morning...hopefully it'll burn off all the prata calories.
Monday, September 13, 2004 08:56 p.m.
dude, where's my car?!
the ditz is back. I went to the multi-storey lido parking lot, went to the exact spot where I believed I parked at. and and...my car wasnt there!! my first thought was "oh fuck, someone stole it!, second thought, "maybe my uncle had the spare key and he took it!", my third-which-should've-been-the-first thought was, "oh heck, I'm at the wrong level, dimwit."....wahahah. and ya. I was at the wrong level. I mean, who'm I kidding? like its that easy to have a car stolen around here? and who the heck wants to steal this car? so ya. there i go.
watched harold and kumar....you can say it falls in the "dude, where's my car" category...altho there may be something deeper..yea no kidding. it makes an effort in being a somewhat metaphorical racism satire..but more effort in being funny...and funny it was..hilarious la.. mm hmm.
oh old chang kee's yam pie is dang good ..yumm..and starfruit juice tastes funny..yegh.
TidBitzz