am seriously considering tutoring instead of my current job. dunno. sometimes you can't let what you hate get in the way of what you want. yea?
I've lost my muse. writing, scribbling, doodling words used to be my habitual snickers bar..now I'm running out of flavors. coz the amount of time I hold a pen/pencil compared to the amount of time my hands frantically pace the keyboard and click the mouse is outstandingly lesser. hmph. I shall get my favourite pen and the notebook I bought in egypt for myself...and I shall doodle again. or somethin.
my throat and mouth feels heaty..ulcers and a sore throat..bleargh..taking the joys of eating away from me...what did I do to deserve this??
my left eye is giving me problems. problems thats hard to explain.
customers gave me a headache today altho there werent really any difficult ones.
banged my head a coupla days ago on the table edge. dont ask me how. still alive and kickin. yeehaw.
I wish my doctor was reading this (medical, not shrink, btw, I have no shrink ok..what? do u think I need one? no ok, I don't, maybe you do..wahah..no la not talkin to you, I'm talkin to you, yes you with the blue beard)..and speaking of doctor, it feels like I havent seen mine for sooo long now. and its not like I want to change that. damnit.
Friday, September 10, 2004 11:50 p.m.
played tennis this afternoon with liza. Blardy hott..well theres a reason the courts are empty at midday huh. I kept touching the top of my head to check that it didn't catch fire. wahah. Well, I think the workout went to waste. Coz after that, we rented vcds and had Long john silver's takeout at her house (with the kickass big screen). Lazed out on "honey", "mystic river" and "confessions of a teenage drama queen" with long john's and chips and coke.. gahh..why do I even bother exercise huh.
by the way, long john has awesome clam chowder. I read somewhere before that some companies analyze the feedback of their products by reading people's blogs. so ya, hey ljs, you guys shouldn't stop selling that clam chowder, I love it I love it, but ah...the servings are kinda small mannnn..could you guys do somethin bout that? other than that, it tastes good. Oh, and most importantly, if you wanna thank me for the feedback, this is my email: dooratemyshadow@hotmail.com ...and just to make your job easier, I dont mind vouchers, or a year's supply of that delish chowder..wahah.
I'm not mad, I'm just...very tanned right now.
oh..tell me its ok to keep things from my parents coz I don't wanna worry them unnecessarily? I can handle this mistake. No worries. I hate worries, people who worry..so ya. DON'T worry.
and lastly, I'd like to thank shazzy wazzy and shammoo...for that cool mesh cap all the way frm ozzi..birthday presents are never belated to me..wahah..ok now I can't wait for you to come back(X2).
1 wk break. yesssss. I could so use that.
Wednesday, September 8, 2004 01:24 a.m.
whenever I get angry, I just remember the saying "it's better to be pissed off than pissed on." ..wahahah..and the redness fades..you should try it.
Sunday, September 5, 2004 11:42 p.m.
Yo, no quise decirte, lo que no quería saber de mi...
So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I
don't feel the same...
________________
I don't like receiving winks. It's so ambigous. A sign of shared understanding? reassurance? praise? mockery? whaaaaaaaat?!
________________
Life would be so much simpler without money and the chase for material things, maybe boring..or maybe not..but if we could only see how we can get so caught up to catch up..and always get stuck in feeling left behind..always.
Friday, September 3, 2004 11:31 p.m.
on the way home, this car hears my confessions. i think tonight i'll take the long way.....
sorry bro, I had to be a lil selfish bitch. Sometimes I feel I don't stand up for myself enough. So there.
I am loving fridays (without deadlines)..I get to do somethin fun to keep a lil fit and just chill with my best bud..ha.
_______________________
always assuming the worse..its a disease my mom has..its hereditary i hear. gosh.
Thursday, September 2, 2004 10:10 p.m.
singapore idols = singapore idiots?
haizad had the best voice among the guys. the judges are tone deaf..that daphne girl has funk and the rest are just regular karaoke-goers who daydreams to be the next big thing (and will prolly never make it). and you dont sing a marc anthony song in a singing competition la. unless you're singing to a buncha martians who've never heard or seen marc anthony perform. nobody does marc anthony like marc anthony........
_____________________
i was distressed bout the bumper so i called ah chong today (my driving instructor), he came within 5 minutes to help look at my bumper..he picked up the phone with "ajila! how're you! how's your 'amah teng' ah?(armour tank)??" i wanna see leh!..."ahh...my amah teng the bumper come out abit ah!" ...then he asked where i was..i was at my parking lot goin to go to school...so he came with his student driving..then immediately checked out my 'amah teng'..he took it for a test drive around the lot..hehah..then told me the bumper just needs to be screwed back..dunno when im gonna do that..soon la..meantime i'm holding it back with black tape..wahah..dont worry, its safe, one of the two screws' still intact and holding the bumper in place. im so freakin broke. petrol is snorting up my cash. grrr.
Thursday, September 2, 2004 12:05 a.m.
mmm..hmm
caught "man on fire"...a friend had an extra ticket for the press screening of the movie. thanx! it was.....ok. i was moved during the 2 hours or so, strong, vivid visuals, but the movie, on the whole, doesnt leave a lasting impression.
it was at shaw towers, beach road. had another one of those amateur-driver-lost-and-going-round-and-round-and everywhere-i-turn-seems-to-be-beach-rd-but-no-shaw-towers-in-sight. grrr. but oh well, we thought we were late but when we reached, it hasn't even started. hmm. oh and i fucked up my bumper. its kinda..well..fucked up. blah. dont ask me why. and i've been eating fast food like morning noon and night the last few days. ah. and then theres work to do.................*kicks trash can*
___________________
i have this sixth sense i'm afraid is often true. (..no i can't see dead people..altho most people look dead anyway.)
Tuesday, August 31, 2004 10:23 p.m.
shooting the promise
I wish I had a twin to sit in for my morning tutorials. I wish I could teleport myself. I just read an uninspiring article online about how, if you choose to do what you want to do in your career, it is highly likely that you won't make money. heh. yes yes, I hear you, "but if you're happy with what you're doing, its not about the money whaaaaat". hah. ya. right. For the record, I still don't know what I'd like to do. I'd like to...............live happily ever after and stay away from politics.
"...and long ago I sold my soul to some forgotten dream
and how was I supposed to know it wasn't what it seemed...
I always break promises I make to myself, but promises to others I always try to keep. Maybe you should make me promise to you, and you'll be a constant reminder of a promise I so have to keep. Because this is one I'd be stupid not to keep.
Monday, August 30, 2004 08:42 p.m.
dead o'clock
Today, tomorrow, the gateways take them.
"Always some door eats my shadow"
The full moon is so pretty tonight. I can see it clearly from my window floating above a HDB flat. Looks like a peephole into another world.
hmmmmmmmmmm...deadlines!! dead along the lines. chasing time, time chasing us. us against time like a cat chasing its tail. *ding ding ding* ...and its only round 1. no. more. dodging. timetoattack! more solid punches please.
I'm not mad. I'm experimental.
That's not a black dot on a white canvas, that is a half a million dollar avant garde art piece (if you can squint with the focus of a 12mm camera with a shallow depth of field, you'll see mona lisa laughing).
Sunday, August 29, 2004 12:32 a.m.
cherry sheesha by the lighted alley
happy b'day my puff the dragon and powerpuff girl! 20, I hear, is a good age to star in wholemeal bread commercials. hehah.
am so tired. worked overtime again today. a few bloody asses didn't come. its not just one ass. its ass-ES. on a saturday summore. it just irks me coz I've never ever sabo-ed the place. cept maybe to come late once in awhile. but never had a "no-show" on a weekend. if i can do it, why can't these losers do it huhhh...heesh.
but tired-ness seems alien when I met my kopi kiat klan after work.
oh, I realize the importance of having your phone battery sufficiently charged before going out. I was like an ant without its feelers when my battery went dead. thank god I found shrek at orchard mrt. yes. you only see what you wanna see. when you expect to see a friend in a crowd of similar-but-confusing faces, you'll see one standing out clearly eventually.
o ya, was at borders and I saw rachel lee [that 'eye for a guy' big-boobed bimbo (oo i love alliterations!)]..she was supposed to have an autograph-signing session..like huh? who the heck wants her autograph?? i walked past and there was no one there..usually during autograph signing sessions, you'd see a long queue right? her view wasn't blocked, if she concentrated, she could see the klcc tower from where she was sitting, no one blocking her. she was sms-ing with her phone (prolly calling her friends to come and pose as FHM fans) while they had to do an announcement "we have rachel lee from FHM right here at borders! to sign an autograph!" wahaha...funny la. and I realize how dependent we are on handphones huh. not just as a communication device but as a companion. as if the plastic thing represents a human being keeping you company. you know, when you're alone or embarrassed to be alone in the bus or wherever and you just feel like sms-ing..coz...well...u get my drift.
sharm and mai joined us at orchard mrt ...incidentally met yan on the no. 7 bus... then headed to the dark alleys of singapore..hehah..ok not really. arab st. or was it beach rd? sheesha place. been wanting to check it out for awhile now. yan led us thru funky alleyways reminiscent of geylang and joo chiat complex selling cloth and stuff ...got to the place. realized forgot to draw money. they dont accept nets. sharm and I walked quite a distance and explored the "unknown-to-us" place...got back like 20 mins later. food served. then yan and I shared some cherry sheesha. its ok la. nothing very "wow" really..hehah..just nice and "subtly flavorful"...or maybe just for the intrigue of having smoke coming out of our nose and mouth since we dont smoke cigarettes. yea im not an advocate for smoking. but sheesha with good company, after a tiring day, is fine. more than fine. hehah. shaz called...all the way frm ozzi to wish them happy birthday..weeee..so it felt almost complete..cept aini wasnt there..haiya. as usual, our conversations elicited weird stares with our buncha laughs (mainly sharm and shrek's laughters that draw stares.hehah). we also had a barrel of gasps and a pinch of bitching. heh.
and you know, I realize the best poses for the camera are natural 'poses'. hahah. I think pictures, like words, can so easily be taken out of context. and mai, we can so easily blackmail you with that picture. hahah. yes a picture says a thousand words but sometimes it can just be an essay of nothing-ness. it's people's imaginations and interpretations that make the thousand words.
ok i've mumbled too much. oh i wanna gripe. not getting the car back til monday. opening tomorrow, have to wake up early. aaah! have to wake up early! ok gtg. and im not high ok. sheesha doesnt make you hiiiigh...it doesssnt. ok.bye.
Thursday, August 26, 2004 04:30 p.m.
oogachaka
boo!
i just love the pitas bot who helps to remind what my password is. The email goes like this.
From: "robo"
To: "forgetful dork"
Subject: Your password is ready.
Date: Thu, 26 Aug 2004 04:28:22 -0400 (EDT
Hi you big forgetful lunkhead,
I've dug up your password for the pitas.com stuff! It's:
******
Your username was my_azure_sky of course. I mean since you're
forgetting
everything else.
Let me know if you need any help,
your friend robo.
robot@pitas.com
I love bots with a sense of humor.
______________
skipped morning lecture today to film our journ broadcast piece on the olympics. Managed to grab someone from the badminton association. Had to drive to the SBA at aljunied tho. But I guess it was worth it. The guy was happy to be interviewed and got 2 national players(no susilo tho) to talk too. I'm thankful we didn't get lost but I'm so not thankful for the broken air-con. Ok la fine. "at least we had a car, didnt have to lug the camera in the mrt or bus"..butbutbut no air-con in the car on a hot day and a relatively long drive is just....so poptart. toasting in the toaster. but o well. its an old car, I should be thankful it was given unconditionally. right? right.
so after the sahara I headed to siberia. had class at the tv studio after shooting the interview. blardy freezing. If I had a thermometer stuck on me this entire day, it would've spontaneously combusted by now. ah hmm. thick skins rule. \m/. And mr air-con man, pls pls pls fix my air-con right this time!
Tuesday, August 24, 2004 09:06 p.m.
don't go chasing waterfalls
you tell me there's only one ocean and many lands..
how could you tell how could you tell.
when you've only been knee-deep in nearby shores
and never swam further out.
I feel discomforting that you're right
and more disturbed in not wanting to change your mind.
I never take what I can get.
I always stray with what I want but will never have.
stay, stray, stay. they sound the same. they are the same. they'll be the same.
_______
watching springboard diving is hypnotically sleep-inducing. argh. just washed the car and now it's raining. blah. I really have no reason to be tired. but I am. why ha.
Monday, August 23, 2004 12:38 a.m.
current song stuck in my head:
I don't care if monday's blue, tuesday's grey and wednesday too. thursday, I don't care bout you. friday, I'm in love.
im listening to the long overdue "war of the worlds" audio...supposed to listen to it for last wk's lecture..its making me sleeepy...its almost an hour long damn it..I don't have that kinda patience and attention span to sit thru and listen to the whole thang...I'd rather eat ice cream..heh. and i just had an evening nap..am usually so tired after sunday's work..maybe I should work on fridays and saturdays instead. aargh. the living room is hot and stuffy...and this audio is boring..i shall take my midnight nap now. night.
Saturday, August 21, 2004 09:42 p.m.
i wish we had news channels from various perspectives..not different international perspectives but...like...a good news channel, a bad news channel,a cynical good news channel and an optimistic bad news channel....watching news from channel i, channel 5 and channel newsasia makes me wanna puke...yes i get it...its all the same headlines...but cant they have different perspectives? everyone says to our "singaporean" athletes, "hey we're proud you did your best"...blegh...safe and boring...altho it was nice to see someone saying "our singaporean athletes dont have the mental strength to go very far"...aha! a needle-in-the-hay negative but honest comment...but alas! he had to continue it with "but we're still proud of him/her"...boo. say it la...i know in your heart you're going "how dare youu..how dare you come this far and give us all false hopes... huh..hmph"...well thats how i feel anyway.
watched "the return" yesterday...got a marche treat and the movie treat...wooo...thanx for that...the movie was (in kelogg's frosties tiger saying) gRRRRREAT! i wanna hire that lil russian boy for my first ever indie movie (if i ever do get to produce one)...such convincing emotional intensity from a young actor...altho he does have an adult-like face..and he was prolly chosen for the role coz of it..since his character's so (arguably) mature. so ya. "the return"..russian movie...4 and a half outta 5 stars...minus the half coz movie reviewers never seem to give a perfect score unless its an epic or something...oh but im not a movie reviewer...ok la.. 5 outta 5...but then again thats just my opinion...you may not even like the movie at all...but then again thats the beauty of it. have a good sunday. and does anyone really care if we win a bronze tomorrow? *files nails*
Thursday, August 19, 2004 12:00 a.m.
you're a disgrace to the concept of family
the priest won't divulge that fact in his homily
and i'll stand up and scream if the mourning remain quiet,
you can deck out a lie in a suit but i won't buy
it.
i won't join in the procession that's speaking their peace.
using five dollar
words while praising his integrity.
and just cause he's gone it doesn't change
the fact:
he was a bastard in life thus a bastard in death.
hoho...i love ben gibbard lyrics...
what do you think people will say about you at your funeral?
TidBitzz