angie stone. on my headphones. sunshine anderson...
"heard it all beforrrrrre...smellin some fragrance that i don't even wearrrr..so if you want some lovin, i suggest you go back therrrre...in your bed. you must've fell and bumped your head...you were my booo..i trusted yooooou...but your lies ain't working now...see who's hurtin' nowwww...baby this. baby that...but your lies ain't workin nowwww.." *does a stevie wonder head sway*
dope.
woooohooo! thursday night is tv junkie heaven! AI, OC, one tree hill, everwood. back.to.back. oh my astigmatic eyes, bear with me...
-----
you know, some grouchy people should just be given milk and cookies and be sent to bed..(oh, and take away their alarm clock) po dah!
-----
i never used to bother with contests where you get a chance to win a car. but now i do. haha. fill up them forms. call up those numbers. i want a new carrrrrrrrrr...(although i still love the current starsky & hutch car.i do..)
-----
currently mad about sleep. i have very vivid dreams. sometimes i swear i can taste the food in my dreams altho the food were never normal like burger or fries...they're weird but edible-looking and dang tasty. isnt it weird? last night, i swear my brains got fried. haha. not pleasant. it was like *bzzzzzzk* *bzzzzzk* and i'm like shit am i gonna die? i've had so many it-felt-so-real "shit, am i gonna die!?" moments in my nightmares, its not funny. shall someone psychoanalyze me?
Tuesday, March 29, 2005 01:07 a.m.
the dream hasnt ended and i'm still anxious for rest
don't you hate it when you're busy doing something and then you reach for your mug of coffee and then put the cup to your lips, only to tilt the glass for nothing coz you'll suddenly realize your last sip was awhile ago. there's only one trickle left. the mug is empty. damn. i hate it.
-----
shite. another quake. north sumatra. tremors in s'pore. shake. that. thing. ga la ga la. shake. that. thing. sorry. i dont mean to trivialize (it's the coffee). 8.5 on the richter is pretty massive. indonesians just have it so bad don't they?
my prayers.
Monday, March 28, 2005 12:13 a.m.
too busy to have feelings
you're my new obsession. possibly a temporary fixation. possibly the absence of logic to make room for imagination. but as always the herring brings a premonition. there are still so many questions. i will proceed with caution. we both walk with no obligations. i hope we keep walking, no matter the direction. i would like to prove i am worthy of this relation. is it me or others' expectations? are these rules or simply pure emotions?..but i find it hard not to ...uhh..i find it hard..to..find another word that ends with "-tion" that would flow with what i'm trying to say...so..ah. screw it. hah.
laughter is still my friend. don't stray don't ever go away...
-----
i have nothing else to say. (what is up with all these rhymes?!) hm. good luck with deadlines?
Saturday, March 26, 2005 12:33 a.m.
sugar daddy's garage
"darlin' you take whichever car that matches your outfit for the day alright.."
we all hold a magnifying glass to someone else's self, sometimes, for no reason we examine the sun instead. ha. serve you right.
-----
crap. doing opening tomorrow. but have got..ummmm...an important-but-i-fear-it'll-be-awkward meeting after work. hmm..we'll see how it goes..very well i hope.
sometimes i put too much faith in people..or do i? please don't ask me what's the catch, just help another fellow human being out, will you? pleeeeease....you'll feel good about yourself. ahah. most times anyway.
have a helpful weekend.
Thursday, March 24, 2005 10:15 p.m.
here today gun tomorrow
"He heard gunshots and the teacher said 'No, that's the janitor's doing something,' and the next thing he knew, the kid walked in there and pointed the gun right at him," Thunder said.
The school was evacuated after the shootings and locked down for the investigation, McCabe said.
so i guess we've heard. guns don't kill people. people kill people. people love themselves but hate other people. people. sometimes people hate themselves but then people are just hard to figure out. people. people should just treat each other the way they'd like to be treated. but before i sound too preachy. i don't claim to have always walked the talk. as much as it is nurture, so much more is nature that we should not undermine. so we've heard. so we've heard. there are no solutions, only absolutions. pray hard. run for your life. (haha. that last 2 lines were actually what was written on my sec. sch's athletics t-shirt)
-----
fuck. lemme get the cuss outta the way first.
i lost my cd holder. the case/bag that holds a couple of my cds that's kept in the car for when the radio gets too irritating. it's placed at the bottom left of the passenger side, on a pocket on the door..must've dropped out yesterday somewhere. my last passenger claimed to have seen it and touched and adjusted it(!). haha.
fuck la. i dont remember giving a toyol a ride (for the uninitiated, toyol is a malay word for this demon thingy that steals other pple's stuff for those who do black magic). ha. if you were my passenger these past few days, pls dont feel offended. i'm not calling you a toyol, i'm just. frustrated. and sad. ahh..some precious cds. precious preciousss. my precioussss-es..
nope i havent banged my head into the wall yet, "these material things, they don't mean much to me.." mm hmm. so much has been taken away from me in this one week. so much..moneyyy..money that bought the things that i lost and money that will buy me out for breaking the rules. so much fockin hard-earned money gone. just. like. that. damn, living is expensive. capitalism kills. im upset but i won't cry. no money no cry. stand tough. huak!
*BAWLS* *WAILS* *sniff*
Tuesday, March 22, 2005 07:20 p.m.
HAHA: "Oh why is life in Singapore like that?"
This was taken from today's Straits Times Forum Page. (damn ST interactive for going "show me da money", i had to type this out. but its worth it.)
-----
Why is jaywalking a crime when cyclists can ride with impunity on footpaths and endanger pedestrians?
Why are dog owners not fined for littering when they allow their dogs to defecate everywhere, without cleaning up the mess?
Why am I not allowed to keep a cat in my HDB flat when I can't walk 20m in my HDB estate without stepping around dog poo, left on the footpath or grass or void deck by an ungracious dog owner?
Why are smokers given such a hard time when motor vehicles and jet airliners spew more voluminous quantities of carcinogens and chemicals into the air around us, every day?
Why is it one can be fined or given a Corrective Works Order for discarding a cigarette butt when others burn mounds of paper on the road or footpath get away without censure?
Why am I required to wear a seat belt in my own car when our public buses do not even have one fitted for the driver?
Why do passengers in my car have to belt-up when passengers on public buses and those seated on planks in the back of pick-ups or lorries are not required to do so?
Why am I still required to pay for a TV licence when MediaCorp's stations are fully commercial and they should be able to fund any Public Broadcast Service programmes with government support?
Why are employers still rejecting and retrenching people over 40 years of age when the birth rate is so low that the number of young people joining the workforce is insufficient to replace the older employees?
Why is it that this letter will probably not be printed when there is now a greater call for open and free dialogue?
Why do I care? Because I am uniquely Singaporean!
Alice Francis (Ms)
-----
hoho. rock on alice, rock onnnnn...
Sunday, March 20, 2005 04:44 p.m.
do you bite your thumb at me, Sir?
a traffic light ruined my weekend. i kept blaming the higher powers that be for slapping me like that..after a good day..but then i realize..its all me. me me me. my fault.
my savings will go down the drain.
a fockin stupid mistake..
sometimes thats all it takes...
I have learnt not to trust my instincts that much the next time.
-----
yesterday was fun la..watched my cousins perform at "hip hop for hope" at ymca, a gig thats donating its ticket sales to operation restoration in sri lanka for tsunami victims. i thought if the gig were to suck, at least it'd be in the name of charity..but twas fun..am proud of my cousins..2 of em..who performed in different groups..its quite disturbing to see girls taking pictures and getting excited over your cousin..the same cousin who used to be quite a brat, who used to go ice skating with me and who'd cry when he falls and perspire in the freezing rink..who used to diligently read the qur'an after evening prayers..now they're all grown up and practising their superstar moves to please their girl fans...ahahaha..good stuff for teasing em..heesh...those desperate girlies.
the other performances were pretty tight. the dances were few. there was one interesting performance of a rap/malay dance/silat thingy which was quite a spectacle. the beats were hottt..but the crowd was dead. sharm was telling me, "only in singapore will you find a crowd at a hiphop gig behaving like this" ...lepak, sitting on the floor and just twitching their shoulders or waving their hands if they feel like it...and if someone stands up and dances, everyone goes, "giler sey...siao ahh" ..so ya..in the end, everybody chose the singaporean hobby to conform (and sit down)..wot a pity..o ya. the sound system sucked. but other than that, there were a few unintended comic reliefs, which is always welcomed..haha.
-----
i had a cathartic morning drive. wots done can't be undone. i just have to get over my stupidity..and bear the friggin responsibility. why azzzz whyyyy.
*screeaaaaaaaam*
ok. im good.
Saturday, March 19, 2005 12:02 p.m.
the screaming diaries scream
"I've met so many men..it's like they're all the same...
my apettite for lovin' is now my hunger pain.."
whaaaats my naaaaame?!!
i will have a good half weekend. i will have a good half weekend. i will have a good half weekend. i will have a good half weekend. i will have a good half weekend.
don't nobody dare ruin it. *growls*
-----
there's a hole in my pocket. everytime money comes in it goes out faster than when i can say "kah-ching!"...it goes "kah-ch..." ..like a false alarm sneeze. haiiiii...whyyyy. my hands are born to spend. put me on a straightjacket. ok my good half weekend starts right....about.....now.
*silence*
Friday, March 18, 2005 12:51 a.m.
10 things I hate about you
arggggggh..farggg. The contact numbers i lost last week and went thru some bad luck tryin to get them back, just. dropped. out. of. this notebook i havent been using for awhile, as i took it out to do a reality check of a to-do list. farg. wot a pain. but at least i got it back. i managed to salvage half of what i lost, went thru a lil trouble but thats what i'd have to pay for my carelessnessssss...*pulls of someone's moustache* grrr. carelessnesss used to be only about a "3 X 4 = 11" kinda mistake on a primary school maths test. carelessness nowadays is a matter of life and death. I wanna be a kid again only coz I can get away with everything.
10 things. I have 10 on my to-do list. A list of deadlines and presentations and school fuckin work. 10 things to complete by the end of this month. This MONTH! i won't list the 10 things here. but i can list...10 things..10 things i hate about school.
1) i hate lecturers who (i think) hates me (oh bring. it. on.)
2) i hate losing interest in a module coz of discouraging grades
3) i hate losing interest in a module coz i feel like i only do it for the grades
4) i hate losing the grades because of stagnant grp members (i can be stagnant on it too..but only coz i got infected by a similar mood in the camp. wahah. push!)
5) i hate it when i have to compromise quality because of time and energy constraints
6) i hate it when people have something against me for reasons i can't figure out why. (..but hate me anyway..the world will only be more fun that way..)
7) i hate it that lecturers happily hands out heavy assignments like it's the only module in the world their students are taking at the moment.
8) i hate it that the muslim food stalls are all boring and the same and i only end up eating under morgan spurlock's golden arches (why da heck did they have to take away that muslim stall at canteen 2 who sold pizzas and shepard's pie and allthosecoolstuffmymomdoesn'tcook?!!)
9) i hate it that its so freakin hard to find a legal free parking space near north spine
10) i hate it that i walk across deadline-chasing semi-androids every day (where i completely blend in)
11) i hate it that even though i'm doing the course that i like, i don't feel like i'm 'exploiting' enough of this place (this i only have myself to blame)
12) i hate it that school gives me so many reasons to hate it that i had to have 11 things on the list when i promised 10.
-----
on a side note..when driving back after picking my dad from work just now, the midnight half-moon looks really pretty. like a huge smile. ya. fine. smiiiiiiiiile at my temporary miseryyyyyyyyyy....
gosh. i'm such a whiner. pinch me. i didn't wear green on st pat's day.
Wednesday, March 16, 2005 07:58 p.m.
"After seeing michael jackson, maybe I don't wanna be a pop star."
oh marioooooo...i dont care if you're gayyyy...sing for me anywayyyyyy....
i'd say it could be a smart move this mario fella made..he's getting more publicity than if he'd were to be kicked out halfway during the final 12...
just check out this adorably funny clip:
i guess i'm not sad..i guess we'll be seeing him around..and plus! i get to hear nikko in the top 12! weeeeeeeeeeeee....
yes. american idol is my guilty pleasure. wots yours?
Monday, March 14, 2005 12:10 p.m.
monday monday monday
monday is the color of the sea that I will drown in tuesday is the ocean of the deepest timelessness that wednesday lies in the midst of all the confusion hour barriers while thursday is invisible by its full moon traits that friday doesn't know what do by itself telling saturday that tomorrow will come only if sunday is a prelude to another chorus..that is monday.
"'coz I got too much life running through my veinsssssssss.....
...going to waste.."
-----
ok this is may be the hundredth time im saying this. but i will quit my job. soon. very. and waste my time on things worth wasting time for. weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..i can't wait.
have a gd week.
Friday, March 11, 2005 11:55 p.m.
lets get crunk and banghraaaaaaa
the only time you realize the entire futility of doing last minute work is when you're doing your work.....at the last minute.
rowrrrrr..when i'm stressed, i start to have cravings. right now, i want....ummmmmmm...kani tempura..argh. i'd like to think i'm most productive under pressure. only moving when the walls cave in. haha. survival mode. ready. set. go.
nah. here's a weekend song. for people with weekends. (five-day week policy my half-numbed ass. hmph.)
i dont hate britney. when i was in egypt, climbing mt. sinai, i had britney spears' "everytime" in my head the entire time, even when the sun was rising at the peak..that freakin line "everytime i try...to fly...i fallllll..without my wings...i feeel soo weakkk"..and that "kling. klingkling.." music...muahah..coz the last thing i saw on tv before i left for the climb was the "everytime" music vid, which was frequent on its arab mtv rotations at the time...haha..
so ya..so a couple of days ago i was at...ummmm..some cafe i forgot..they were playing "everytime" and i was unconsciously singing along..and then it brought back these memories of my breathless expedition up that mountain where i ripped the sole of my precious reeboks..and then the sun rise..woooh..fuckin beautiful..to think that you'd be rewarded after all that breathlessness climbing up...you reach the top and then the sunrise leaves you breathless again...hoho..and not forgetting the camel poops and screaming tourists..ahhh...memoriesssssss...and to think that it manifests behind a britney ballad...ahaha..(yes halfway up the "kling. klingklings.." in my head got irritating...i tried to replace it with something else..and if i remember correctly my oxygen-lacked head came up with my secondary school song...wahahah.....so "kling. klingkling.." it is la)
ok. i want to holidayyyyyyyyyy. climb mountains, eat oysters, irritate natives, chat with cute foreigners, take useless pictures, curse the shopkeeper-who-wont-gimme-a-bargain in a language he doesn't understand, sneak home in-flight accesories, get a headache over foreign currency, shop like theres no tomorrow..argh. notchet. patience my young jedi. soon, go for a holiday, you will. *yoda nods*
o well. hollerrrr..have a nice weekend on my behalf ya? c'mon..groove it like amitabh bahchan.
Thursday, March 10, 2005 11:46 p.m.
1,2 step..sumthin sumthin.. 1, 2 step..
hip hop cheers me up.
when in doubt, dance.
i can't wait for the term to be over. itching to chill. to live without worries of assignments. deadlines are ok if you enjoy the work you're doing. but when you don't, deadlines are funeralsssss. you gotta be a cat.
havent seen my bro for so long, i wonder how hes doing.
i am craving for............a teh tarik and cheese prata. ah. dang.
when you want more hours in your day, you can barter trade them with sleep. mm hmm.
..and keep the change.
niko...why is niko out?! whyyyyy?
Tuesday, March 8, 2005 11:27 p.m.
here's to the happy people
may you spread your disease. please.
-------
i look at my cat, who's old and weary but still has the energy to eat and sleep with relish. and i wonder when i will not see her again.
i thought of my grandma, old and feeble but still has the energy to disperse equal portions of her heart to her 10 children and countless grandchildren. and i wonder when i will not see her again.
i was watching my mom, middle-aged with strange coughs, sweeping the floor with utmost grace. and i wonder when i will not see her again.
i watched my dad leave for work. greying hair and troubled by the occasional knee pains. and i wonder when i will not see him again.
i look at myself in the mirror. red eyes because of dry lenses with the ocassional times to look like an ungrateful daughter who has everything. and i wonder when i will ever repay my sins.
i dont know why this sense of loss when they're clearly there. i take too seriously the notion of transience, it's hard to carpe diem.
-----
on a good note. class is cancelled tomorrow, which meanss...more time to do the things that i would otherwise not have time to do for when class is not cancelled. tending to piled-up work and of course, looking forward to tennissssss and a movie...wooo...
look out world. imma deliver aces. reow.
and no, dude. i couldn't read you. i suggest you take that as a compliment. really.. (must i put a smiley face to confirm the tone of this sentence? oh well..ok.)
=)
Saturday, March 5, 2005 10:20 p.m.
consequence of good intentions
im so farkin tired.
yesterday was a goood dayy...hip hop session with aini and sharm with an ill and moody instructor playing chinese pop songs..haha..hmm...dinner/supper was better la 'coz bitching sessions rule. mmm hmmmmmmm...
----------
today was physically exhausting..maybe it was work..had to extend a lil bit..wasnt psychologically psyched for the extra hours..met with liza after work to get some videos for my film analysis essay due very friggin' soon..and we were both so shaq from our day that it was 75% a speechless chilling-out session..hahah..but it was still good la..best buds converse best in silence.
-----
an amusing(well not really) incident happened today..not worth elaborating..people are hard to understand. i give up. adults are merely children with money. telling us to "grow up" is a waste of breath..might as well use that breath to blow out a candle of voodoo spells on our maturity.
pass me the balaclava.
-----
fuck. i am so. exhausted. and it wasn't worth ittttt....sleep shall be my counselor. sheeps, form your queue please.
Thursday, March 3, 2005 11:57 p.m.
say hi to march...
..it popped outta nowhere. hello.
-----
I have learnt........not to tug on superman's cape. There is pride and then there is arrogance and then there is the line between and then there is the ignorance of the existence of that line that thins.
hm. and then there is my rambling..
-----
"You women don't know the territory because YOU are the territory!"
"It's not a war."
"closer" was goood but unpleasant, but sometimes so is coffee..such is life. We only take what we can't get and we only give when we know that we can get in return.
I need to stop watching depressing movies.
on a good note, i saw cellulites(!!) on natalie portman's thighs..wooohooooo...i knew she couldnt be that preeetty and get away with it..she can have her cake but no she can't eat it too. celebs are your schoolmates, celebs are your next-door neighbors, celebs are the cashiers at the supermarket counters, celebs are the pizza guys, celebs have gasy bowels, celebs are humansssssssssssss. *pokes a needle on julia robert's cheeks, hoping it will burst out botox juice* mm.
i don't fancy british blokes. although shakespearan accent turns me on.
