Monday, December 29, 2003 03:56 p.m.
tick f@#$*&% tock
*gasp* i just realized today after talking with my driving instructor while driving that my driving test is next monday...omigawd.
and i just realized i mentioned the word "driving" 3 times in one sentence..muahah..yea whatever..
i dunno...dont ask me if i think i can pass..coz i have no fucking clue...its a maybe situation..with alot of "if"s..if the instructor's kind enough..if the traffics good to me..if other drivers give way..o yes..notice how i emphasize on things i cannot control..what i can control..is the car..and my attitude..i am hopeful..always hopeful but i am also almost always prepared for the worst..and i saw some movie and it said that "hope" is man's biggest weakness and strength..and i..i agree..hmmmmmm
Wednesday, December 24, 2003 12:46 p.m.
do you ever wake up wondering why you're here
i have a song stuck in my head..a song a didley a hum a tune..........
cant
get
it
outtamahead
havent been in touch with the dates on the calender...i just know the dates dissolve so quickly like salt in hot tea...its quickness is only weird when you taste your drink...
"take me as i am take my life i will give it up i will sacrifice..." ...i remembered playing that song on casette tape..and rewinding it over and over and over and over til the tape got tangled..and i was only ....10 or something...tsk tsk tsk..mushy mushy..
o..i had a weird dream last night(thats not new)..i dreamt of the people in my life..and then there was a camel with its head and humps above the water..there was a lake in a bedroom...and..and..i took a picture of a donkey and..other weird stuff..i can still remember what i saw..thats whats disturbing..
o well..
Monday, December 22, 2003 11:11 p.m.
van wilderrr
watched van wilder on vcd..it was a pretty stupid show..like they ran out of storylines for a teen movie...but i lovvvve ryan reynolds..
trimmed my hair a lil...all the guy did was line my hairs layer by layer using 2 fingers and then slicing across them in a slant manner with ease with a pen-knife-like instrument...and it cost me 20 bux..
but it looks ok..more civilized..hahah
Sunday, December 21, 2003 09:54 p.m.
when the pawn...
maybe the best way to hurt me is to hurt me physically
bring.it.on.
biatch.
Friday, December 19, 2003 07:51 p.m.
long boring post
went for one of those coffee training thingy today...same old shit..a lil different but basically the same old shit...the training manager is malaysian..which brings me to my next musing..
there's so many foreigners working at the place im workin at currently...lotsa indonesians..and then theres the burmese asst manager..a malaysian employee..malaysian head in the training department as i mentioned earlier, a filipino head in one of the dept..in the previous company i worked in, the manager was malaysian and one of the assistant managers was also malaysian..and we havent gone to the higher posts where there are european and american (ang moh) expats..all given the responsibility of telling us singaporeans how to do our job..its like...if i were to really sit down and trace every employee and employer's original country, the number of foreigners might just outweigh the locals...are we that small that we lack that much manpower? is it unfair for me to think this over without wondering why so? i remember learning about how the malays fought for their rights and having privileges in malaya when the chinese population started pouring in...admirably so because why else would we stay in a country if we dont feel like we are prioritised..if we dont feel a sense of belonging to want to contribute in one way or another..then why do we call ourselves singaporeans? i am not trying to look down or be jealous over the fact that foreigners get high positions..in certain ways its a good thing when they are highly qualified, erudite and all to humbly share their experiences and educate us all..but its just the fact that the position they are holding could've been given to an equally qualified singaporean, that bugs me..
.. not that im sounding arrogant against other countries whose GDP is lower than singapore and whose highly ambitious population comes here for opportunities..its just weird when i have a not-so-highly-qualified burmese chastising me over how to do something that i have had experience in and she hasn't, her way, just because she wears a rank higher than me (i have nothing against burmese people, just note that she's not from my country)..its just..weird..maybe i can use the word "intrusive" or might you say "xenophobic"?...maybe i expect these foreigners to be grateful at their job and not be easily snobbish about having the opportunity to rule over certain locals..maybe the govt is being too easy on letting in foreign "talents"..maybe more singaporeans are being more ambitious and they go away to where the grasses are greener thus depleting the actual manpower we actually have in this country thus easily allowing foreigners to take up some high positions..i dunno if im pointing fingers..but the situation irks me to wanna gripe but not do anything revolutionary about it..thas all
Thursday, December 18, 2003 09:34 p.m.
reality schmeality
when im free i bum and when i bum i watch tv..and lately theres soo many american reality tv..tooo many all trying to outdo each other..but what they all have in common is that they are all redundant entertainment for our guilty pleasure, to satisfy their shameless exhibition of vain-gloriness...and then of course there's the moolah that they make while feeding us with a kind of cultural imperialism we unhesitatingly swallow without chewing.
its "reality" tv..a supposed mirror of society..but not OUR society..not the asian society...its the american way of "make a fool of yourselves for the sake of fame" game...and its sad that their economic imperialism metamorhosizes into cultural imperialism with ease...and and its sad that this 'mentality' is creeping its way here
..mediacorp recently ran an ad in its website looking for people to audition for our own version of "are you hot"..'you dont need talent, you just gotta look good'...gawd..must we ape the hilariously absurd that compromises noble asian values?(im not an extreme prude but i do believe in certain conservative values) whats in it for us? to be "one of them?" to be "globalized"? (when "globalized" means to be americanized)..hmmmmmm..no no no...this isnt an anti-american ranting...its just a question posed for asians..who are we?? who are you people??
and.. am i having pms?
Wednesday, December 17, 2003 12:46 p.m.
if you have the poison i have the remedy
this is me pleading for everyone to donate to the salvation army this christmas...not that i care..its just that they promised to give me a year's supply of grade A bananas if i did this, with fries on the side.
Sunday, December 14, 2003 10:30 p.m.
o what LIES behind those smiles...
im caught in the middle of a rock and a hard place...its only been maybe a week or a lil bit more..but i've heard and observed so much..too much...a whole lotta bitchfest.. not among the staff..coz most have one thing in common..that they are unsatisfied with the management..so its like us against the system sorta thing..i know i can be easily influenced by what they say...and i dont want to base my opinions on hearsay which is why i say i have also "observed"..
..i have observed managers that smirk behind their smiles while displaying their peacock feathers of authority..i have observed subtly obvious arrogance..i have observed that obvious hierarchical behaviour in management hurts staff welfare..i have observed that one of their unwritten policy include wearing a smile 24/7(no matter how you feel inside)..i have observed that certain people call everyone "dear", "darling" (and then say something else behind backs)..i have observed that wearing make-up ironically becomes a literal representation of the whole plastic environment.i have observed that the most truth and genuine-ness in the place is behind small walls of a corner: during the half-hour breaks in the crew room: when 2 employees sit down to relate their frustrations with one another and relieve some suppressed misery..and when im one of the employees there, thats where i get all the revelations..thats where i hear and then i go out put on my mask that i have been warned to wear..and then observe some more to prepare for my reactions..to season my new smiley face..as they keep telling me to smile more..all this in 7 days..not that im blowing my own horn at my "astute eye on detail"..its just..been laid out too easily on my lap..i dont want to chicken out..(or maybe i Am "chicken-ing out" for staying) but i am giving it chances because there are people worth staying for..because i am actually thirsting to want to know more in these intriguing small walls of a corner..
i am observing the real world..and as much as it seems to be fulla shit..its fulla ummm...interesting lessons
Thursday, December 11, 2003 02:29 a.m.
cuckoooo
after my first day of closing on saturday(which ended really late) i felt fucked up..then i had a fucked up monday..the most frustrating thing that happened on that day was the unreliability of my computer to get me my first choice timeslots for next semester's timetable through this online registration based on a first come first served basis..the stupid machine disappointed me, frustrated me, made me pull my hair, tightened my veins, all i was left with after i was allowed access after soo many tries, were leftover timeslots, not even my 2nd 3rd or 4th choice for some...so hmmmmmm...i dont wanna seem like im blaming a machine that cannot defend itself for something that went wrong..but it really boiled down to that..its just more frustrating to know it wasnt my own mistake..story of my life: i am not allowed the power of control...
my lone fallen eyelash sits
at my lipstick-stained mug rim
balancing
between diving in the coffee
or falling on the table top
i stare to watch
which way it'll go
it didnt go
until the air con blows
and im free to sip
my cold coffe again
Monday, December 8, 2003 01:17 a.m.
killing me softly with these shoes
my feet. hurts. from all that walking. on heels. the next time i go visiting. i will wear. ummmmm. i dunno. sports shoes.
Saturday, December 6, 2003 01:12 p.m.
french fries and coffee
hmmmmmm...i hope im doin the right thing...coz there wont be any turning back...i think we all fear what we dont know..so i guess thats why i hate new environments..but its just about squeezing thru the bottleneck experience of the "getting used to" stage..and then its okayyy..and then there will be consistency(not dormancy)..and in consistency there will be comfort..haha..so much jibberish for a new job..sheesh
Wednesday, December 3, 2003 09:36 p.m.
this weight on dislocated shoulders
i've never understood how lifting weights could be a sport..then i saw this picture...and i guess it takes skill..concentration...or else....
Monday, December 1, 2003 12:18 a.m.
trainseat dilemma
ever had a trainseat dilemma?
you..being one of the few fortunate people who get to have a seat on a train..you're just sitting...and then in front of you comes this lady..she stands directly in front of you, she doesnt look like she expects you to give up your seat..but you see that her tummy is a lil bigger than usual..logic says shes pregnant..but see..shes not a skinny woman with a tummy thats a lil bigger than usual..shes a lil bigger than usual on the whole, physically...so its a judgement call..fat or pregnant? do you give up your seat graciously for the poor pregnant woman standing or do you foolishly insult a fat woman by offering her your seat in the ignorance that shes pregnant...but see if you're the type who never gives up seats you would've tuned off at my first sentence (its ok..i dont say you're morally wrong or whatever..everybody has their rights and i respect that)..
i think we all have a fair share of trainseat dilemmas in life...when you hesitate actions that stemmed from your own good intentions because you think too far about how it'd be judged by others..i think whether the lady is pregnant or fat..she'd be grateful she has a seat for the rest of the journey..and i'd be happy i did a good thing..as long as we dont think too far..coz thats what we do sometimes..we think too far and along the way good intentions turn to doubts and doubts breed non-actions and the earth spins but our lives are static...
ironically..i may be thinking too far with this..o well.
TidBitzz