yep. nothing. just hanging out here at the net cafe..again. pc still broken. homeworks and tests still the killers.

ughh...can't...say...anything...more...

~* before anything else, HAPPY NEW YEAR to all! *~

argh, second time around. my first entry got deleted because of limited and fixed time here at the net cafe. grrr.

classes will resume tomorrow. weee. i bet teachers will attack us with their ever-existing so-called homeworks and projects just before the quarter ends. periodical exams draw to a close...in a WEEK. stress, stress, stress. well i'd rather do something worth my future than bum around the whole day with a television. had enough this vacation since we didn't have any out-of-town vacation. that was enough rest for me. medya noche (did i spell it right?) was a blast. me and my mom cooked for everyone in the house.

Jan 1, we went to Intramuros to witness supposedly the fireworks. unfortunately, the traffic caused the delay so we weren't able to see them. at least we walked around the busy streets of that historic place. we ate dinner in a quite festive mood because of the various scenery. there were people dancing, singing, performing acoustic numbers, stuff like that. the crowd were drowning us so we decided to move to The Fort to take a quiet place and breathe. well, that was about it.

the days following that were boring again. the usual, watch tv, eat, take a bath...watch tv, eat, take a bath.. well, you figured the pattern. ugh, no doubt i'm getting too fat than usual. ;___; accccccccck. been invading the fridge every now and then. uhh, actually, every 10 minutes. eeekkkk. okay okay! i admit! there's nothing better to do than watch tv okay! plus, the computer's busted! waaaaaaaah.

sigh. right now i'm supposed to do this math research but since a lot of temptation gets in my way, (that includes Friendster, YM, MSN, mail inbox, mIRC, and blog) i'll most likely end up starting nothing at all. gulp. anywho, submission is on wednesday. but i'm still in doubt of finishing my research because my ever-CONCERNED technician could hardly be contacted. oh, the nerve. plus, i have no diskette wherein i could save my document. haha, i wasn't prepared for this at all. accccck....oh hell.

hmm....anyway,

to start the New Year right, here are some of my new year's resolutions. haha, i don't even think i would be doing them at all. some, at least.

1. stop Ragnarok. okay, play in LESS time at least. =)

2. lessen my everday teasing for my little sister. damn, i should get a better grip of myself since i'm about to enter college.

3. be kind to animals. haha. kidding.

4. be more responsible. like cleaning up my room every week.

5. get real. do not dream too much about something you know you can't reach.

6. lessen surf time. do more homeworks. ...to lessen EYEBAGS. XD

7. make more songs. oooh, i love writing songs. weeeee~ =)

okay, that's about it so far.

btw, I PASSED DE LA SALLE ENTRANCE EXAMS!!! weeeeee~

and because of that, i asked my dad if he could buy me a new fone...with a built-in camera like 3650 or its another version, 3660, with a standard keypad. oooh, i'm excited.

yep, as you can see, my pc's still isn't fixed. first off, it is a holiday season. no work. our technician couldn't come. so here i am, spending my whole xmas vacation stuck on a couch watching either Mtv or movie channels. second, yes, we called our technician but he was busy..off somewhere. having his holiday perhaps. great. no chat. no Ragnarok. no blog. weeeeeeeeeeeee.

i'm using my friend's pc for now since we came from a gimmick which was planned just minutes before. lol, and i still don't know how to get home. couldn't contact my mom coz i forgot her fone number since i STILL don't have any celfone. bummer. i might probably end up commuting. hmm...tricycle, then jeep, then tricycle. how much all in all?

i just wanted to spill everything that happened during xmas because this is my only chance to..not knowing when will my next login be. =(

Blue Christmas Tree

my mom set-up a new kind of christmas tree. same tree, but different color of decorations. she wanted blue. everything was blue. the ornaments, the ribbons, the lace around...they were blue. and i was wondering, why blue? i wanted it orange so it would look lively. oh, even the xmas lights were blue. aww, it looked so...BLUE. so calm..so solemn..so...sad. yes it was. it really was.

my christmas was the kind that i really expected. an expectation that nothing would happen that very night. the christmas tree tells it all. my mom baked a macaroni. nothing else. oh well, no visitors anyway so nothing special to cook but for us.

it was 11:00 pm. me, my sis, and my mom were waiting. we just watched tv while my mom kept on talking on the phone. my brothers, by the way, were off somewhere having their own good time. 12 struck. and the ticking goes until 2 in the morning. damn, he didn't come home. my prediction took place. he was out somewhere (probably with someone)having his christmas. hah. i knew it. my brothers were still out by that time. and we all slept...knowing where my dad was. sigh.

nothing pretty much happened. he came home at the usual time. around 6 am. yep, the USUAL time. like nothing OCCASIONAL or SPECIAL happened during that eve. sigh. the joy of Christmas.

while my mom and my sis were asleep, i was there lying at the middle, thinking...thinking where he was, what he was doing, and WHY he didn't come home at all. then all of a suddden, i let out a single tear, and another, and another, and they all come out like a river you can't stop. it was a silent night. the silence makes it too depressing. i hated it. all i did was cry.

whenever i see him, i will always remember what he did and this very inside of me will all of a sudden burst into tears--tears that will be hidden..nobody could see it. i never had a home for the last 7 years. a home where a father comes home early to take care of his kids and his wife especially.

yep. i'm here at the net cafe because my monitor got busted for the nth time. tsk. don't even know the technician's number. gaaaahhh....must fix it immediately or i'll miss the fun of christmas break with ragnarok..;__;

HUWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT??!?!??!!?

December 18, 2003 - A Very Unforgettable Moment

deep inside was this feeling of failure. at the very core i said to myself oh, just let them win. they're too good for us. well, here's the story...

last thursday was the finals itself. been mentioning this for the past days, spilling all my doubts and angst for the class because of their thought-to-be foolishness and being not too dedicated enough for the rehearsals. yes, that's what i thought all along...

3 days before finals i told the class that there would be thorough practices during lunch and dismissal time. honestly, we only finished 3/4 of the song without skit that time. my heart was crying out because my dream turned out to be a nightmare then. almost everyone didn't even attend practices though they're aware of the nearing finals. my hopelessness is worsening every day.

come dec. 17, which was the last day for rehearsals, i told the class that we'll be having our very practice till 7 pm. twas around 5pm. all i saw were some people making the props for the perfomance. hmm, where could the others, who promised to attend, be? oh no, this isn't happening, i thought. still i waited till 6 pm. i was thinking that probably at this time no one would ever attend since it's late. but heck, one by one i saw them coming to me like flock of sheep slowly approaching. lol. i was surprised. so there, the practice and the skit rehearsal took place finally.

december 18. 2 hours was left for us till the contest. every kind of cramming was all done just to polish the whole thing. we taught the actions, but we scrapped them in the end. makes it harder for them. and when i heard all of them sing, i was like...WHOW...XD never heard them sing like that before. then we entered the theater where the whole thing takes place. i told myself, gawd, they'll pull it off alright.

there was the very intimidating 3G (Under the Bridge), the smooth rendering of 3E (Smooth Criminal), the sweet and sassy 3C (Say A Little Prayer), the funny High Average DW4D (Take On Me), the junglicious hakuna-matata 4C (Lion Sleeps Tonight), and of course, the busy street of Quiapo with jeepneys passing by...4H with Limang Dipang Tao.

my class performed all too well. i had to thank them a lot for behaving and performing as what i expected them to be. no one messed out alright. a good sign as what it seemed to be. but at that time i was too nervous, thinking that there's 3G who really performed good..as i said before.

The Awarding Ceremony

"Jamoy, just wake me up if ever the judge mentions our class, ok." lol, i didn't expect too much of our class to win. darn. that was all in my head and i don't know why, though they did it great. i was not hoping too much..i might just die. every leader was called up the stage to accept the Award of Appreciation for joining the finals. we got the banner for that. afterward, the awarding itself. didn't feel all too nervous since i was looking up to 3G. thinking too much of 3G, i heard the judge mention, "For 2nd Runner-up....3G!" OMG. did i just hear that?! ...."For 1st Runner-up....3C!" ?!?!...and the judge continues.."The judges have their own decisions, but it all comes down to one. This one had performed really well. Ladies and gentlemen, the Champion of the Songfest 2003....4H!!!"

i was going crazy up the stage as i accepted the trophy. damn, i couldn't believe we really did it! i mean, it was, for me, totally unexpected. maybe i was not too optimistic on things, thinking all the negative consequences that might just happen. i was wrong. the world turned upside-down alright. and i believed truly well that we deserve the trophy and recognition as CHAMPS!!!

to 4H: guys, you proved me wrong. you were awesome out there. WE were awesome out there. i give my endless gratitude to you guys. CONGRATS! WE DID IT! SENIORITY!!! =D Victory party sa bahay ni Carrie mga tsong! hehehe ^__^ Slayers out there, i'll be watching! =D

to Jin: wish you were here. =( u could've seen the sabogness and greatness the class did. haha!

haaaay...and life continues. i really am proud of 'em. not everything i see is negative all the time. i just have to look at the brighter side and hope. prayers do come true. ^_^ now i have something to remember the class by before we leave CSA. ~__~ tis already christmas break. what to do, what to do...gotta fix that monitor of mine. XD

all i hear is raindrops..falling on the rooftop..oh baby tell me why'd you have to go...coz this feeling won't go away...and today, i'm officially missing you...

totally describes the scenery tonight.

the whole day was a total wreck. from the songfest practice till the performance i did with my bro for our family xmas party. =__=

songfest practice

really. a hopeless case. out of 47 people, only around 7 attended. yes, those other 40 people with their lame excuses...tsk. i don't have to meddle with their own lives anyway. all we did was spend 2 out of supposedly 4 hours of practice. since we were only few, we just spent 2 hrs. gaaahhh. then i heard the other batch with their song Under the Bridge...damn!! i bet my ass on that that they'll surely get first place, man! ugh, i'm not hoping any longer for this lame class of mine. grrr...i will not spill any further about this...

family xmas party

my cousins, titos, titas, and other employees of their company were there. there were games played by the employees while me and my cousins were sitting by the table, talking about anything. then my tita called me and my bro to perform as intermission to the whole party, right after dinner. we performed True version by Arnee Hidalgo, a newbie OPM artist who instantly got it to the top. ugh, i can almost feel the song while singing it, but the sound system suddenly freaked me out. grrr, paputol-putol ung sound ng mic! people could rarely hear my voice. and they couldn't hear my bro's guitar since they only provided one mic..that is, for me only. =( oh well, the performance didn't turn out to what i and the people expected it to be. blame it on the whole sound system. =__= there's another chance on january 3--family reunion.^^

anyway,

hmmm.....

omg! cutie!!! bahahaha! im currently watching the concert of ABSCBN on tv...featuring Barbie Xu, Dee Xu, Jerry Yan, and of course...Vic Zhou!!! XD XD XD :3~~~ man, this guy's really a hottie, despite his demureness and mellow appearance. i have his album which was given to me on my birthday. =D hehe, i truly appreciate his music. i'm not much of an obssessive fan of F4 but i am attracted to their looks and talent. ^_~ cuties indeed. but heck, it's hard to keep up with him since he couldn't speak any English at all. and i'm very sure the translator isn't even accurate with his words. ~__~ not caring for whatever he says, the audience keep on screaming like hell..

anyway, just had another choir practice a while ago. shoot, Limang Dipang Tao is one helluva piece. =__= i will surely have a hard time teaching the class >.< *crosses fingers* we'll make it!!! =D

had my choir practice just about an hour ago. it was really great. we sang xmas songs such as Ding Dong! Merry On High, and Carol of the Bells. december, for me, is a highlight when it comes to choir practices. hehe the songs are interesting ^^.

then last friday there were no classes because of Teachers' Cassiciacum thingy. lol, don't know what that meant. anyway, me and my barkada headed to JD's house to hang-out and play badminton. we headed straight to a nearby court. it was only 3 years ago when i was so into badminton. that day it seemed that the energy came back. im beginning to be into it again. lol, i needed an alternative exercise and get myself sweaty to take out all that FATS!!! >.<

after that good ole strenuous sport, we made our way back to jd's house to rest. then we decided to have fun so we went up the third floor where the "HOME THEATER" is and had our VideOkE!!! XD twas fun!! lol, i scored mostly at 84 while leo got 98! haha Videoke Queen si mama lei!!! naks! ;p geez, jd's house is something i really look up to...grrr...it's so...creative! artistic! modern! a kind of house that i really dream of! from the outside look to the furnitures..i enjoy looking at them a lot. very modern and innovative. rich kc eh. behehehehe.

yes, after that very fruitful day comes "sunduan" part. everybody got her ride home except me. =___= my driver wasn't able to make it since he was stuck at my mom's coffee shop and i don't know why. then he told me that my mom was rushed to the hospital. goodness, i got worried that time. worried how i could get a ride home and worried what caused my mom's being rushed. i took a ride with bona and stayed at her house hoping if miracle would happen that my driver would appear that night. nope, no miracle for me. the next day i woke up still at bona's house. heck, i overslept there again =__=;;; actually happens when no one would pick me up and i'm there staying at her house. behehehehe ;p luckily the next day my sis was at school having their cheerleaders practice thingy. i asked her if they could pick me up. whew, finally, i was on my way home.

hmm...yes, i'm still alive just to fill you in *hugs annoyin pc*

and yes, WE FINALLY GOT IN THE FINALS!! my class survived the eliminations. ok. 4-day vacation. breaktime. after that, torture weeks til dec 16. =__=

i have so much to say for the past days and yet i couldn't find the words...too sleepy =__=zzZZzz

somehow i'll try to put them piece by piece.

i'm slowly rising from deep depression and hopeless hope. in the past few months i have been too lonely though i have my friends around me as always. there's this loneliness that still prevails within me. in deep need for someone. as much as possible i'm not trying to be too desperate for that kind of situation. sucks. =__= anyway...i tried hard to forget the guy who brings me hopelessness. and i thank him for making me move on though he's not aware of what he's doing for me. still my gratitude. he's now a special...no...a friend to me. just a friend. someone i could talk to about anything but not everything. afraid to ruin the friendship i gained for him. still we remain friends and nothing more. he still doesn't know that i liked him before. haha.

moving on...

still i remain loveless. eventually something came up. no, it's not the guy i'm hoping for. it's the guy whom i had a slight grudge. it went on for yearS. just that slight argument that went on for years...
then he suddenly came up and settled things straight. we bonded the whole dismissal..not knowing the time spent was too long already. we didn't mind. the talking just went on and on. the spilling was endless. we spent the whole afternoon at the field with the weather cold and the sun shining upon us. aahh...the perfect breeze~...and so the hour has ended. we found my barkada hanging out near our place in the field. of course the teasing would always come out whenever people find a girl and a boy together alone. sigh...for they didn't know how happy i was that time than what they expected. because i finally ended a cold fight that lasted for years. and so we joined them while watching and supporting the batch soccer game.

*stomach grumbles* >.< im hungry...

anyway...

got home early from the usual which is around 6pm. arrived about 40 min earlier. hehe.

as usual, i didn't pass any of my projects which is due today. i don't wanna cram so i decided to pass it tomorrow instead. the math research i mean. not the visual arts project...probably on monday.

im currently waiting for this chinovela showing on GMA. Endless Love, a story of two lovers with a mysterious twist..yada yada...same typical story as the other soaps. but this caught my eye. and the guy (Jun) is a hottie XD

cut sked tomorrow. wee~ half day =D my barkada and i am planning to watch The Grudge at g4 tomorrow. and i'll watch it again the day after tomorrow ~__~;;; twice the horror~~ >.<

reunion at death

after school we headed to our lolo's house for a reunion/death anniversary. yes, that was the day he left us..just a year ago..;__;

wen i got in, i wondered why i couldn't find any furnitures nor displays inside the house. my tita told me that thay all kept them so that no one would ever steal them. it figures. -_- my lolo and my tito used to live together there. now my tito resides in our apartment (*i meant the "Castillo" apartment in Pasay =D). now the house is empty except for those statues of Jesus standing upstairs. >.< all of my life, i never dared go up the stairs because..because...it gives the chills down my spine...*shivers* i remember that i only went up there twice or thrice to see the creepy statues.

the house that night was filled with tables and chairs and a buffet table. dinner was catered. then found my cousins on one of the tables. i got to talk to them after many months. then we had a novena. we, the youngsters weren't much attentive to the prayer since we kept on talking and talking ~__~;;; bwehehehehe. anyway, dinner came after.

my cousins and i am planning to go on a gimmick this coming saturday to watch the most-awaited movie...The Grudge. they say it's waaaaay creepier than The Ring. >.< *shivers* lol, asian horror films are better than the western ones. they're psycho killers XD.