I get a long weekend... you'd think I'd find a moment to actually post during the weekend! Ah well... things are rolling along nicely here... and I actually had a nice weekend with a variety of things going on. Friday was wonderful, I slept in and then started packing more items for the move. I am keeping a gentle pace and not rushing myself... I know I will be moved out soon enough and I don't want to make it a stressful event... it is a good thing and it can be positve the entire time. So, I am keeping my A.D.D. method of boxing and cleaning things... start one thing, think of another... go do that thing... come back to the previous thing... and then rest and watch a bit of television.

Saturday was an early start... out the door to run errands and then off to the Halcyon Craft Faire (Festival?)... I usually see a couple of close friends there and then pick up a couple of items... crystals... earrings.... a new ring.... and a couple of snack type things... it's really an inexpensive place to pick up those items... I didn't get to have a Divination Reading... was hoping to, but had to get back to San Luis Obispo for another event... The Body Shop show at Heidi's house... AH pampering... ya gotta love it!! The Body Shop has such great products... kinda wish I could win the lottery... I'd by the whole lot!!! HA! It was a great party, Heidi opened a few bottles of wine (for a group of 10 ladies) and then there were many yummy hors d'oeuvres too! It was nice to catch up with a few friends that I haven't seen in a while ... such a great group of ladies! I think Heidi had a pretty good turn out and, in turn, she gets a few items at different discounted rates - SWEET! Actually, she and Michellyn get to split it since it was a co-hosted show.

Sunday, I waited to see if Heidi wanted to run over to the Halcyon event real quick... but, the family was headed out to look at ATV's... quadrunners to be more specific. So, I headed back to the house to continue packing a few boxes and then relax a bit more. Gentle is the key.

Actually, regarding my current life situation - the move - I've talked much with the landlords and they are the kindest landlords I've ever had... very understanding and willing to keep the remaining tenants... thanks in large part to one of the roommate's father co-signing and taking care of everything... it made the landlords feel at ease with the change. I was certain they wouldn't kick the others out... just from the interactions that I've had with them, they are very nice people ... and they didn't want to have a whole lot of movement going on at this time of the year anyway. It all works out for the best. I will eventually have a studio of my own and be able to be responsible for just myself and not have to concern my responsibilities for others renting from me. Too much really... I don't want to be a house manager; and the others didn't like the way I managed the house anyway... so this change works out for both sides of the situation. Although, some perspectives are a bit skewed on how to view the circumstances and how they are changing.... I really do believe this is for the greater good of ALL people involved.... especially and including myself. It's been so long since I've considered myself when dealing in situations that involve multiple people... the last move I made was more beneficially for all other people involved... one was closer to his work, and the others got to move in and pay an extremely inexpensive rate to help "get them out there"... "on their own"... "getting established" ... so, this time... I am taking myself into the primary perspective and looking for something specifically for me and something that will allow me to focus on the things I should have prioritized... my family and those who truly care about me and my best interests. Speaking of which... It's great to have Heidi through this entire event ... she is someone who has no expectations, gives unconditionally, and offers even when it is not necessarily the easiest thing for her to do... kind of like what I've tried to do for others in my life. She is a shining example of what a great person is... granted she's not perfect... but that's what makes her great... she makes mistakes... she's real... she's honest... and she loves that same way... real and honest and sometimes makes mistakes... but she does it without the need for manipulation or self-serving benefits that I've recently encountered. Those stars which shine more brightly are obviously there to help you navigate through the darkest hours.... Heidi is one of my bright stars.

One of my strongest attributes ... at least in my mind.... is that I never forget those who've helped me navigate through troubled waters... there is no limitaiton when it comes to gratitude in my life... if ever she need something of me, I would do everything in my abilities to take care of her request... any time... no matter how many hours... weeks... months or years have passed since she helped me... gratitude will always be there. Every person in my life has a bank account, of sorts, within my heart ... some have made very hefty deposits and others have needed to make withdrawls... both are important... and a few people have stayed in my life... but all will stay in my heart until the "time" comes when the "heart's bank statement is reconciled"... and there is one of the challenges... balancing the statement is my choice... letting "old debts" be forgiven... and making sure that I pay "loans of kindness" that were bestowed to me.... WOW... using my work as an analogy... very cool... it actually creates a great visual for living life. I like it... I think I will journal more about this in my "offline" journals... ya know... paper ones. I still have a couple that are not boxed up yet... could be quite healthy and cathartic.

Oh... I need to look up the Animal Speak thing for bats; I had one little guy circling around me as I left work... clicking away and eating bugs in the air, I am sure... it was that beautiful dusk moment... I tried to get a couple pictures... I will see if I can download them in the next couple days. The bat is just this little spec or blur in them... but it's the significance of the timing of the bat being there. So... to go find the resources to get the message that nature holds. I'll try to report it with the image later... if I can find it.

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Thursday, November 10, 2005
kmc posted this at: 07:00 a.m.

Messages in a Virtual Bottle...

10 Steps To Making Change Easier

1. Begin by making small changes or break up large-scale changes into more manageable increments. This can make you feel better about handling the changes you are about to make while making you more comfortable with change in general.

2. Mentally link changes to established daily rituals. This can make changes like taking on a new habit, starting a new job, or adapting to a new home happen much more smoothly. For example, if you want to begin meditating at home, try weaving it into your morning routine.

3. Going with the flow can help you accept change instead of resisting it. If you stay flexible, you will be able to ride out change without too much turbulence.

4. When a change feels most stressful, relief can often be found in finding the good that it brings. An illness, a financial loss, or a broken relationship can seem like the end of the world, yet they also can be blessings in disguise.

5. Remember that all change involves a degree of learning. If you find change particularly stressful, try to keep in mind that after this period of transformation has passed, you will be a wiser person for it.

6. Remember that upheaval and confusion are often natural parts of change. While we can anticipate certain elements that a change might bring, it is impossible to know everything that will happen in advance. Be prepared for unexpected surprises, and the winds of change won't easily knock you over.

7. Don't feel like you have to cope with changing circumstances or the stress of making a change on your own. Talk about what's going on for you with a friend or write about it in a journal. Sharing your feelings can give you a sense of relief while helping you find the strength to carry on.

8. Give yourself time to accept any changes that you face. And as change happens, recognize that you may need time to adjust to your new situation. Allow yourself a period of time to reconcile your feelings. This can make big changes feel less extreme.

9. No matter how large or difficult a change is, you will eventually adapt to these new circumstances. Remember that regardless of how great the change, all the new that it brings will eventually weave itself into the right places in your life.

10. If you're trying to change a pattern of behavior or navigate your way through a life change, don't assume that it has to be easy. Wanting to cry or being moody during a period of change is natural. Then again, don't assume that making a change needs to be hard. Sometimes, changes are meant to be that easy.

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this was one of my email "spiritual" lessons... I get lots of those! I can really appreciate the timing on this one! Much going on these days. Hopefully others can read this and also see the good in all change.

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Monday, November 7, 2005
kmc posted this at: 01:04 p.m.

Quizzies....

Warrior- Your secret identity is a warrior. You
would kill yourself for your family and
country. You cannot let your identity be known,
because otherwise your enemys would hunt you
down and kill you.

What is your secret identity? (anime pics-girls only)
brought to you by Quizilla

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Fairy- Your friends all think that you are human,
but you dissaper at odd times to see your fairy
family. You cannot let anyone know what you
are, because if they knew, you wold be put into
a zoo.

What is your secret identity? (anime pics-girls only)
brought to you by Quizilla

I couldn't decide on a couple of the choices... so I did two ways of answering and got the above results... so I combine the two and become a Warrior Fairy! I stealthfully disappear at times; only to reappear and conquer all! heheheh! I crack myself up sometimes!

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Monday, October 24, 2005
kmc posted this at: 07:27 p.m.

HA!

HA!
Originally uploaded by mscaprikell.

Sometimes you just have to stop taking life so seriously and just learn to laugh it off! This image portrays so perfectly what I need to do - Laugh: eyes wide shut and mouth wide open - without a care in the world! So much going on... so many thoughts that run through my head. I had found out a week ago that my mother has been committed to a psychiatric ward by my step-father; her MS has really brought her down and she has started "giving up" and threatening to commit suicide... THIS brought all the meaningless bullshit that has been going on in my life into complete proper perspective... and really helped me realize what is most important in life. These people here and their views of me pale in comparison to the pain that my mother is experiencing and the needs that she has at this time. I may have to travel at any given moment to be with her... this is quite challenging... but, thankfully, I have that covered... the Universe always seems to work things out and answer prayers in the most mysterious of ways... I am incredibly grateful to my best-friend for her extraordinary generosity during this most extremely troubling time in my life.

I will try to keep you all posted on how things are going with that situation... as well as I can anyway.

WORK.... today was one of THOSE days... I was informed that I have been doing one of my monthly transactions wrong. I had taken over this transaction in August - so it wasn't as LONG as most transactions... but the error that occured due to the missed "X" in a specific box... that created a real huge red light... well, I researched and found out WHY I had messed up the transaction... I had actually confused two transactions and put a note to "not reverse this one" ... when in actuality I was supposed to "Auto-Reverse" the entry and manually reverse the other one upon notice from another worker.... OY! The mess I made! So, I did clean up today for a better part of the morning... and then went on with my normal analysis on Mondays... upon completion of that, the "BUDGET" was briefly brought up, so I printed out all of the prep-activity and found the schedule which actually noted getting a piece of information out TODAY... okay, so it will go out tomorrow... at least it didn't wait a whole week and set us behind on the budget process. I am keeping a positive light on this budget season... that all things will go well and as closely to schedule as we hope... and that I will successfully perform this duty in addition to my many other normal daily and monthly duties... especially after having today's news hit me like a ton of bricks... days before the annual reviews... could I have any worse timing in the whole scheme of life? ACK! I am hoping that the positive and smooth processes that I have learned recently will show that I am one upon whom others can rely... and that my performance as an employee will be 100% or better at all times. Wow, I feel like I am writing my own letter for the review... "I hereby swear that the performance for the year to come will be honorable and proficient accounting...." Ugh! Living up to the expectations of others is demanding... and today's news didn't really sit well... I found where I *should have* asked for more concise explanations of transactions... rather than just "taking it on and running with it" ... so the only person I can blame is myself... though it would be so easy to say "Well, so-n-so didn't train me very well" or "The current worksheet wasn't concise enough to remind me to mark the X spot"... ultimately it is my resposibility to conform the worksheet and the trainer to my own specific needs... I need to be more clear with my communications... and here I thought I was doing so much better... hmmm.... learning still.

Okay... enough about work...

I read an article today that journaling actually helps relieve stress and other emotional/physical conditions as well... imagine that... I definitely have NOT been journaling enough as of late... or expressing myself to what the article calls "safe people"... those who would hold sacred the things that you share with them and not use them against you or internally personalize them.... WOW.... if that wasn't written for something recent in my life; I don't know what would better explain it. I do have a couple of people that I now (after serious thought and analysis) consider to be SAFE people to whom I can express myself openly. The sacred circle becomes even closer... intimate friends hold a special place in my heart. As a close friend had once told me before, "There are those in your life who are allowed certain levels of consideration and are allowed to do or say things that others would never get to do or say - because of the level of friendship." I hold that statement very closely now, for it resonates with a certain level of personal truth.

Okay... enough for today...

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Tuesday, October 18, 2005
kmc posted this at: 1:55 p.m.

2nd DailyOM: Apropos Messages

October 18, 2005
Avoiding Negative Vibrations
Taking On The Energy Of Others

There are times when you may find that being around certain individuals or groups of people leaves you with feelings of discomfort. It may be that spending time with a particular friend feels draining or that dealing with a specific coworker exhausts you. Being around toxic or angry people is also draining. And you may even find that being surrounded by a crowd of people lowers your energy levels rather than perks you up. This is not that unusual. Each of us radiates energy and is capable of being influenced by the energy of other people. It is important to learn how to shield yourself, so you don't unknowingly take on someone else's energy. While some people know how to instinctively protect themselves from being adversely affected by energy, most of us need to discover and practice the technique that works best.

There are a number of ways to avoid being affected by people's energy. Shielding is one preventative technique you can use. Center yourself and envision being enveloped in a cocoon of loving and protective light. This protective layer should allow you to consciously regulate the energy around you. The intent to shield oneself is all you need for this technique to work. You can even create a trigger word to assist you in quickly creating a shield. Say this word each time you create a new shield, until the word and the shield become automatically associated in your mind. If you run into a person whose energy you find draining, you may want to cleanse your own energy field after your encounter. Sage, cold showers, singing, mineral water baths, spending time in nature, and a simple break to recharge are all ways to accomplish this.

While it is important to know how to shield yourself from energy, there are those energies that you may not want to shut out. The energy of laughter from a newborn baby, the feeling of joy radiating from someone in love, and the frequency of calm emanating from an enlightened teacher are just some of the energies coming from others that you may want to have around you.

***********
Stayed home today; fever finally got to me. I thought I had avoided this bug that has been going around... but REALLY, how can one avoid the viruses when people show up at work sick? I never understood this; the inhumane way people treat themselves regarding work. It is one thing to not love oneself; to not care for one's body and protect and nurture it when it needs to be cared for. And, that these corporations have lost their love for humanity... they think it is weak to FEEL for the employee? Or is it acknowledging something about the "insubordinate" workers that is below them? To me, when I was managing a whole department, my first concern was the wellness of my workers; including their emotional state... I cared. One can acquire trust and loyalty from their workers by connecting with them, by sharing in their humanity... in the similarity that we all have... being human.... relating. But such a connection makes one vulnerable... and to most who wish to control - that is a weakness they do not wish to have surface. Curiously... it is NOT a weakness... but rather an extraordinary strength... that those in leadership positions would do well to embrace. Once you learn to love, you can teach others to love as well. But it is a commitment... first to yourself... then to others... for the most truthful statement I have learned to date is You can not truly love another until you learn to really love yourself. And this is not a selfish love that I am talking about. Nor is it demeaning of others. It is the most unconditional love that there is and yet very few people truly know and connect with that love. One day... some day... very soon.

Namaste.

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Monday, October 17, 2005
kmc posted this at: 01:00 p.m.

Borrowed Vision (from DailyOM)

Somebody Believes In You

There are times in our lives when we may find ourselves facing challenges that can seem overwhelming. The situation or task we are struggling with seems hopeless, and it is easy to stop believing in ourselves, our goals, and our dreams. It is during these moments that it can be reassuring and reaffirming to turn to the people in our lives who do believe in us, especially when we are finding it hard to believe in ourselves. An encouraging word, a reassuring look, or hearing the words "I believe in you" from someone who matters can help us turn our situations around in an instant.

Everybody has someone who believes in them, whether this person is a teacher, parent, friend, loved one, or an employer. Often their belief can wrap us in warmth, bolster us, and offer us a supportive hand to grab onto until we can regain our own support. Having that special person who believes in our abilities and our worth is a wonderful gift. But when we are feeling unworthy, it may be difficult to take in something so precious. We may even feel like we need to do it all on our own and that we shouldn't be asking for help. However, in letting their belief and support impact you, you are acknowledging the part of yourself that knows you are worthy of trust and esteem. By allowing them to believe in you, your own belief in yourself and your abilities will start to emerge again. Borrow their vision, and you can make it your own.

If your special someone is not there to spur you on, you also can lift yourself up with the gift of a positive image. When you feel uncertain, you can create a vision of the future you desire that will serve as a beacon of light. To do so, simply imagine a future that is exactly as you'd like it to be. Imagine in detail how you feel, what you are doing, and how others are responding to you. Make your vision as real as possible, and allow your doubts to recede so you can focus solely on the goal you seek. The more intently you focus on the image of what you want, your belief in yourself will step to the forefront, making it easier for the universe to open up a path and guide you.

***********
I received my DailyOM email today... with this lovely message... but then I began searching... So, what do you when the people you thought matter most in your life turn their backs on you? I don't have the physical friendships I thought I had, so turning to any of those people to find that reassurance of "I believe in you" is pretty much not going to be found. So .... I guess.... now I rely on pure faith. It's all I have left.

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Monday, October 17, 2005
kmc posted this at: 7:45 a.m.

Emailed Message:

As the sages teach, "praiseworthy is the human who is happy with his lot."

This my goal.

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Thursday, October 13, 2005
kmc posted this at: 08:08 p.m.

What the???

What planet did I just step into? Bizarro World? I feel like I am in the middle of a surreal dream and nothing is making any sense at all. I do wonder why life is presenting such challenges at this time... it doesn't make sense.... until the phone call... the phone call cleared it all up! I sooooooooo wish I lived alone... by myself.... as a hermit.... in the mountains.... far away in Tibet.... to be alone.

Not that the phone call really surprised me with new information... my gut was right all along. I am an intuitive after all... I am beginning to see that I need to stop doubting myself... more "truths" have been validated to me without my even trying... people are coming to me and telling me exactly what I already knew was going on.... maybe that's one of the lessons.... "Trust yourself; you are intuitive." I like to think that giving people the benefit of my doubts is a kind thing to do.... not so very true any more. I trust me... and that is that. And, until I am proven wrong about my gut messages... I am going to be the "me" I know I am. Intuitive and all. If people don't like that.... well, too bad... I am officially calling it quits on the "worrying what they might think" shit... I am so tired of what people might think... I have no control of it... therefore, I will let people think what they may.... and if they think little of me ... well... that is their choice and has nothing to do with me... I've stated this before; maybe the Universe is presenting situations that challenge me to actually NOT worry about what peope think anymore... really challenging me to see if I stick to it.

Life is definitely interesting.

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Wednesday, October 12, 2005
kmc posted this at: 01:11 p.m.

Wrapping Up Lunch...

Non-Sequiturial

I woke numerous times this morning. Grapes taste good, but only when I am in the mood for them. Butterflies glide gently on the wind currents. I conclude that because margarine melts at a different rate on warm bread than butter, the margarine is detrimental to the human body. Trees do not grow at the same rate as humans grow; therefore the leaves on trees must change colors with the seasons. I cherish the taste of blueberry flavored products. Cars make far too much noise to meditate properly. If I knew what I know now when I was five, I wouldn't be afraid of any of the things I fear most now. Cats sleep more throughout the day; so at night it only looks like they are watching you in your sleep. Watercress is savory. The colors of the rainbow are primarily soothing. Dolphins like to play. Looking at the world through rose colored glasses does not necessarily mean that you don't see things as they truly exist. There are times that I think I should eat three regular meals a day. I realize my physical beauty does not reflect my ethereal beauty. Rice, when cooked well, is fluffy. Why does the poetry in my head disappear at times? Prince Charming only exists in fairytales. Purple is a lovely color. Are we really just salty waterbags? Noble horses serve their masters regardless of how noble the master may be. Grey skys are an indication of one's emotional state. If I could fly there would be no more sadness in the world. Is green a misunderstood color? You should not compare apples to oranges; nor should you compare apples to apples. It is only because we keep changing that we don't burn to death. It is easier to see the differences than to accept the similarities. Elephants are large creatures, that's why their skin is grey. I am only absurd if you think I am. Dimples are a birth defect. Truth can be subjective, therefore it can be modified. Wasps drag their butts when they walk on the ground. A shallow mind can only produce certain thoughts; or is it certain thoughts that produce the shallow mind? Peanutbutter can be annoying. I like the temperature of the Santa Ana winds. Perpetual thinking can short circuit the brain. Emotional pain is a choice; physical pain is a level of tolerance that an individual has. I seem to like striped shirts. If you accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative; where does the negative go? A strong grip does not mean that you are holding onto the right things. Choice is reality. A gecko on the hand is worth more than any of the others that may exist in the jungle. Why has a knot come to represent something that seems insurmountable? Bright yellow vans get more attention. I'd rather have a well-meant handshake than have empty conversations. "What if" is a very huge and vague statement in itself. A pale butterfly dances amongst the trees. Why do we wait for "it" to be over? Cholesterol doesn't seem to frighten me the way it does others. Ghosts and birds fly differently.

And so goes the thoughts of a Non-Sequitur Gal.

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Thursday, October 6, 2005
kmc posted this at: 09:19 p.m.

Quiet Days...

Fog at the Bay
Originally uploaded by mscaprikell.

Continue on. I don't know if it's just that much needed break from writing or what the deal is. I have a lot of things going on at this time... not sure I want to post about them all... so that makes for a quiet journal. Don't get me wrong... there are plenty of things going on inside the head that really should find an outlet... but I seem to be keeping things inside a bit longer as of late.

One thing that has kind of amused me... I check my stats now and again and see that I have a few "regular" readers. So, I know that I have someone at my work that checks in on me... the same IP address that I see when I check in from work myself. It's nice... I guess I get excited about having regular readers... I don't consider myself to be a busy site. Another of my regular readers, I've come to know as "Patricia Ericson"... that's the ID on the IP address... of course that's more than likely not the name of the person... but, for me it works... I have a "Patricia" visitor almost twice daily sometimes! Another favorite that I know is from Las Vegas... so it always warms my heart to see those visits. So... what's the draw of seeing who is looking at my site? Don't know... but it's been almost as regular as checking my email now. How many visitors... what search words (that can be hilarious in itself just seeing HOW people reach my site in google searches!!!)... I will copy some of the greatest searches one of these days and post it.

I can't believe I had only TWO posts in September... September FLEW by so quickly... what happened??? Am I blocking something? You ever have that happen? Ya know, have SO MUCH going on that you almost forget what has transpired? Am I really living my life or just watching a really surreal movie? That is an open-ended semi-rhetorical question. I could dive off the deep end and get all metaphysical, philosophical, and spiritual on it. BUT... just how far down the rabbit hole does one really want to go on a question like that?

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Tuesday, September 20, 2005
kmc posted this at: 08:44 p.m.

Writer's Block?

Not sure why... but I've been unusually quiet all over the place! My hand-written journals... my blog journal... my new message board.... ACK! And I know I haven't run out of things to say or talk about... I have been pretty busy lately though.

Recently (last week), I dealt with fraudulent activity on my debit card... first time ever for that!... over $2000 removed from my account... uhm... hello... I can't handle that kind of missing monies!!! So, I've filed the police report, filed the affidavits through my credit union... and the process is "in action"... I don't know what the status is on it however. I guess I should call the officer who took my report. Hopefully I will get some glimmer of hope that something is going to happen for me. The unfortunate thing is that the activity happened in a Sears complex in Mexico - Ciudad de Mexico. I wrote to the Sears company and haven't heard from them either... ARGH! Keep your fingers crossed for me. Luckily, I did get my money back into my account.

On an extremely positive note.... I finally finished up some instructional discourses and have received my certificate "Honorary Doctor of Divinity"... this to further my progress in my spiritual path of counceling or even possibly something more. Right now I just want to get my foundation established, so I am doing all the footwork and building myself a solid foundation. Even with the doubters who have attacked my methods and approach to this spiritual choice I've made... I am very happy with my progress; I have made the commitment... and that is between me and the Divine.... regardless of how others may judge me. My true friends are happy for me and have been the most amazing support!

Well... that's the short skinny version of the latest going on in my immediate surroundings.... so much else .... at a later time I will take a moment to write down more... that's all for tonight.

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Saturday, September 3, 2005
kmc posted this at: 12:50 p.m.

It's Virgo Time...

Virgo... now, normally, this would be a "bad word"... what with previous years' experience with people born under this sign. But, regardless of previous experiences with people... I am drawn the the one thing that Virgo knows best... the beauty of all things - the appreciation of art... the appreciation of natural beauty... the ability to see.

There are times when we get so wrapped up in the buzz of life, the 9 to 5 (or 8 to 5) routine and drama, the expectations of others - that we have a spiraling view that keeps us in this blind vortex. We have to ... WE MUST stop and see the beauty in all things... and what better time than the Virgo month? (August 23 - September 22) As with everything there is a Dark and Light perspective ... this can be applied to beauty too ... when we focus too much on the physical/material beauty and overlook the ethereal beauty in all things... we do not truly see "beauty" in the things of which we view. So that is the challenge that we face at this time... go ahead and give it a shot... go take a look at your world and challenge yourself to truly see the beauty in things or people that you do not ordinarily think of as "beautiful"... look more deeply.... more ethereally. Do not look with your judging ego... but rather with your Divine Heart. One of my favorite quotes is "When you change the way you look at things; the things you look at change!"

Aesthetic Beauty -vs- Ethereal Beauty: can you compare the two?

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