Thursday, March 31, 2005
kmc posted this at: 03:31 p.m.Change Happens...
...
it's about enjoying the time that is spent together; not brooding about the time apart.
it's about learning from the past and our life lessons; not drudging up the past to fuel present moment anger.
it's about accepting one for who they are; not setting personal, conditional expectations.
it's about quality; not about time. (Time is an illusion)
it's about unconditional love; not about restrictions.
it's about being happy with what you are able to give; not about what you are going to get.
it's about freedom of expression; not about control and repression.
it's about listening without trying to fix; not fixing without listening.
it's about relating and empathy; not about pity.
IT is what I offer.
Yes, I am posting about a recent life lesson. I am not angry about this lesson; conversely, I am quite happy about what I have learned. I know who I am ... which has been a challenge to reach a point in which I could say that and really mean it. In my life journey I have encountered those whom I value dearly... but as life has taught me so many times... "Change is the only constant thing..." I will let go of the hurt of disillusionment; for it taught me that I am trusting. I love that I am trusting. I will let go of the pain of loss; for it taught me that I am strong enough to endure it. I release the fear of not being good enough; for I know the truth of who I truly am... and I am good enough.
When others set expectations... it is THEIR choice to do so... they feel the need to limit or require certain aspects... I do not feel badly for not meeting anyone's expectations for they are not mine and I have no control of those expectations. I know who I am and what I have to offer; if someone else sees it differently and does not like it, then I remove myself from that situation.
Another thing that I've known about myself, that was confirmed in this situation is that I am not a reciprocal responder; in other words, I do not say something to someone out of habitual response nor do I say something just because someone said it to me first. To me that is like plagiarism... I think for myself, I speak for myself, and state things when I feel it is time for me to state them. And there are times when introspective analysis shows me that somethings do not need to be said at all; and I am comfortable with that. I am learning the valuable importance of "nothingness" ... "not" ... "no" ... standing firm in my core. For a major part of my life I have been the type of person that others knew they could take advantage of... people knew I would not say no and would compromise my own self to satisfy their wishes; many have used that to their benefit - some consciously others subconsciously.
Change has occured; I am protecting what I have found... the gem that is the true me, the me that I love, and I share that gem with those around me. Just because someone doesn't find the gem to be attractive or have qualities that they find to their liking... does not mean that I make a different gem. I move on, I share the gem with new encounters, I establish new connections, and I learn new lessons about this gem... others even point out new facets that I may have formed from the "hard knocks" during various encounters... things that I may not have noticed... introducing new ways to appreciate the gem and the journey it has taken.
I am now moving through life with a calmness that I can only define as being an aspect of grace - something I aspire toward constantly. I hold true to my dignity and I regret nothing. I am not saying that I do not encounter bumpy sections of my path... I just handle it far differently that I have in the past.
funny tidbit of info: this is post number 13 of March!
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Wednesday, March 30, 2005
kmc posted this at: 03:03 p.m.What Path?
Took a Tickle Test ... that site that used to be eMode... anywho... I took the "What Life Path Are You On?" and here are the results:
You are a Provider:
Whether you know it or not, this is the role that is most in tune with who you are at your core. As a Provider, you have a genuine nurturing concern for the welfare of others and you're eager to serve them. You can recognize exactly what people need and your friendly, helpful, social nature makes them feel comforted. With your kind and generous heart, you are personable, talkative, and outward with your emotions, and your openness and sensitivity makes you concerned about the way others view you. Along these lines, be careful not to blame yourself when things go wrong. You cannot prevent bad things from happening, even though your tendency to be orderly with a strong sense of right and wrong may lead you to believe you can. Accept that you do what you can to take care of things and that this will get you far in the world.
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I would have put the link up to this test / quiz, but... you have to sign up for it... and not to many people have really taken the tests from my site (I've read my statistics)... so I am just reporting me today. If you feel so inclined to visit Tickle.com and find the test... cool... tell me about it if you feel like it.
Wow, how's that for indifferent today?!<
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Wednesday, March 23, 2005
kmc posted this at: 08:03 p.m.A Day Off...
Today I took the day off from work to run some medical appointments. First visit... Dermatologist.... Good marks there for the most part; the one concern that I had was very minor and was given a prescription to take care of it... follow up in two weeks. -nothing burned or frozen off!!- She said my freckles and moles looked fine; nothing that concerns her. So that went well.
Next I had lunch with a friend from my previous employment... stopped in and said "hello" to the office staff with whom I had worked before. It was nice to see them again... good people. Lunch was wonderful... catching up on everything in between the time we last saw each other... lots of talking!!
Then it was off to SLO for my next appointment at the ENT doctor. Went well.... EXCEPT for the cauterized blood vessel in my nose.... it was a long cauterize. (Long as in length of exposed vessel near the surface of the skin) So it was pretty painful in a larger area of my nose. And now for the next 5 days I have to be careful with how I sneeze... can't blow my nose (this while suffering from allergies)... and there may be bleeding that might occur while the new blood vessels form to "re-route" itself.
I then headed off to pick up my prescriptions and was told that my insurance doesn't fill the prescription for Allegra-D because.... they sell Claritin over the counter now... insurance basically says... buy that instead. So I am letting the doctor and pharmacy deal with the red tape IF they think it is necessary... in the mean time... I am using The Medicine Shoppe's version of Claritin Readytabs. After getting the other items; I treated myself to a Venti Organic No Whip White Mocha. :) It was a nice treat to the day... especially with the pain of the nose still very new.
THEN... it was off to my massage therapist for a soothing massage. The added bonus to this visit is that she is a personal friend and we get to catch up on how each has been doing. She passed her license exam for accupuncture... so YAY... I can start accupuncture to remedy the allergy issues. Appointment has been scheduled!
And, since softball practice had been canceled... I headed home to wrap up my day.... and put it down into words here. I consider it a successful day well spent taking care of my well-being. My nose still hurts though.
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Tuesday, March 22, 2005
kmc posted this at: 06:06 p.m.Dog Gone ...
Found this while browsing emdot's FLIKR... the very insightful quiz is located at www.gone2thedogs.com. Although... I must inform the MAC users... it doesn't load on Safari correctly... so unless I am doing something wrong on the Macintosh... find a PC to do this??? But, it is great fun if you can get to the quiz/game.
Well... I haven't posted much on the personal side lately... I've been pretty busy both at work and at home... dealing with some inner issues and then a new opportunity with a new friend that I had made at work. I've been able to spend some time contemplating my life... thinking about how I've been encountering others and what I've gathered thus far. I've also had a bit of cautious dealings with internet personalities... I call them that because people are "unreal" to me until I've had the opportunity to either meet them in person to validate their existence or talk with them on the phone... I've not had the opportunity to do this with one specific virtual acquaintance. I am cautious because there are certain similarities that lead me to wonder about the coincidence of this occurance. Ya know... what are the odds of this REALLY happening...and should I be purchasing a lotto ticket??? I get excited about meeting new people... but I can also be gullible and not validate things and get "taken" as the saying goes... "hook, line and sinker."
Okay... so... Mercury is currently retrograde ... IN ARIES no less... and it is slowing in it's movement and direction... it get challenging for me to express myself during this time... it's like the wording gets screwed up... I misinterpret what others are saying to me... and vice versa... I end up getting emotionally wired into situations... etc etc. I like being able to face a challenge; but, I wonder if I should really pause my communication with people on important issues... I am strongly headed in that direction. I feel it is the best thing for my own personal self and probably best for everyone else too. I don't mind taking a break until April 12th... it gives me much introspective time. And time to organize myself with the new venture with my co-worker/friend. I like the idea of organizing my artistic side and then nurturing the creative output. So far, my photography is taking a huge leap forward. I am very happy with myself on the achievements, personally, that I've reached in this avenue of my creative side.
Ah ... enough for now.
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Friday, March 18, 2005
kmc posted this at: 11:01 a.m.Interactive Fun...
You've probably seen this in email form... but I've taken it to a different level and brought it here to my site as an interactive form of fun.
WHAT CARTOON CHARACTER DO YOU RESEMBLE?
Everyone has a personality of a cartoon character. Have you ever asked yourself which cartoon character do you most resemble? A group of investigators got together and analyzed the personalities of well known, modern cartoon characters. The information that was gathered was made into this test:
Answer all the questions with what describes you best, add up all your
points (which are next to the answer that you choose) at the end and then post your score (number only) in the comments section... I will come back and edit your comment with the results of which cartoon character you most resemble.
1) Which one of the following describes the perfect date?
a) Candlelight Dinner (4 pts.)
b) Fun/Theme Park (2 pts.)
c) Painting in the Park (5 pts.)
d) Rock Concert (1 pt.)
e) Going to the Movies (3 pts.)
2) What is your favorite type of music?
a) Rock and Roll (2 pts.)
b) Alternative (1 pt.)
c) Soft Rock (4 pts.)
d) Country (5 pts.)
e) Pop (3 pts.)
3) What type of movies do you prefer?
a) Comedy (2 pts.)
b) Horror (1 pt.)
c) Musical (3 pts.)
d) Romance (4 pts.)
e) Documentary (5 pts.)
4) Which one of these occupations would you choose if you only could choose one of these?
a) Waiter (4 pts.)
b) Professional Sports Player (5 pts.)
c) Teacher (3 pts.)
d) Police (2 pts.)
e) Cashier (1 pt.)
5) What do you do with your spare time?
a) Exercise (5 pts.)
b) Read (4 pts.)
c) Watch television (2 pts.)
d) Listen to music (1 pt.)
e) Sleep (3 pts.)
6) Which one of the following colors do you like best?
a) Yellow (1 pt.)
b) White (5 pts.)
c) Sky Blue (3 pts.)
d) Dark Blue (2 pts.)
e) Red (4 pts.)
7) What do you prefer to eat right now?
a) Snow (3 pts.)
b) Pizza (2 pts.)
c) Sushi (1 pt.)
d) Pasta (4 pts.)
e) Salad (5 pts.)
8) What is your favorite Holiday?
a) Halloween (1 pt.)
b) Christmas (3 pts.)
c) New Year (2 pts.)
d) Valentines Day (4 pts.)
e) Thanksgiving (5 pts.)
9) If you could go to one of these places which one would it be?
a) Paris (4 pts.)
b) Spain (5 pts.)
c) Las Vegas (1 pt.)
d) Hawaii (4 pts.)
e) Hollywood (3 pts.)
10) With which of the following would you prefer to spend time with?
a) Someone Smart (5 pts.)
b) Someone Attractive (2 pts.)
c) Someone who likes to Party (1 pt.)
d) Someone who always has Fun (3 pts.)
e) Someone very Sentimental (4 pts.)
Now add up your points and post it in the comments section below. I will see each comment as it comes in and will go update the comment with the cartoon character that you most closely resemble based on the answers from this test. Check back as often as you like to see how others have scored and answered as well. (Hoping, of course, that my readers actually participate in this post... it doesn't contain the drama that the previous post's comments had... :| !!!)
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Tuesday, March 15, 2005
kmc posted this at: 11:55 a.m.Rant Time...
heh-hem.
I read up on Zoe's site this morning and it just really irked me... this whole thing about people and their choice to be miserable. Case in point... getting someone a gift just to have them say "well, ya could have gotten more for less"... uhm, hello.... gratitude? A gift, at least one from me, is a reflection of my interpretation of what I want to give... a piece of me that I am giving to the person as a reflection of my gratitude of knowing them. If someone says they don't like the gift or "oh, you shouldn't have...", that is hurtful. Basically what that person is saying is "I think I deserve something better" ... or "I don't like this part of you" ... okay, so ...maybe not directly saying that... but it is psychologically implied. In reality... or my reality... what someone is saying (when they do this) is "I don't feel I deserve such a precious part of you... my self esteem is so low that I can't imagine that you would care that much for me, because I don't care than much for me." But the that person's ego can't accept that type of reality... so they push it off onto the other person, the giver, to belittle them and make the giver feel lower than they feel about themselves. Can you say "passive-agressive"?
I just don't understand why people choose misery... why can they not see gifts and love and regenerate that positivity into more love? Instead they seem to use the power of the positive energy to fuel their negativity... that's a lot of fuel for a negative person (even if they are not aware that they are regenerating it into negativity). They get a lot of love and transmute it into a negative view, negative situations, and keep manifesting the very thing they think they deserve... a life of hell and suffering. Don't fall into the trap... observe from a distance if you can. Hold firm in who you are so that they can see that your positivity is more powerful than their illusions of suffering... then maybe they too will see that positive choices are more beneficial for all people involved.
Am I too idealisitc? Do I go too far to the optomistic side of life? Am I suffering from some kind of obsessive-compulsive-happiness disorder? Well, if I am... then, oh well... it's just who I am. And, in my opinion... if people would just be grateful for the other people in their lives and accept them for who they are and what they offer... this world would be milestones closer to utopia. It all starts with the self. BE WHO YOU ARE.
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Monday, March 14, 2005
kmc posted this at: 01:44 p.m.Learning to Listen...
I think I've shared these "Weekly Tune-ups" with my readers before... and here is yet another that has been a profoundly important message for me recently:
The greatest act we can perform in the physical world is to teach another human being how to discover their true potential. I am sure you have experienced the sense of fulfillment you get when you've helped a friend improve their life. And obviously, if you are a parent, you are constantly in touch with this sensation.
Unfortunately, our ability to be teachers often gets entangled with our agenda and we turn into preachers. As students of The Kabbalah Centre have experienced, a little knowledge is dangerous. We start to gain some insights into the way life works and next you know we are life experts. We become advisors to everyone. Advice becomes our biggest vice.
This week we need to focus on being teachers, not preachers. We can accomplish this first by focusing on what we need to fix, instead of looking at what is wrong with others. When we are living embodiments of our words, people feel it. They notice we're changing and that's what will help them the most. They'll want to know what our secret to success is and that curiosity will build the desire for them to want to open up.
Another tool is to be a better listener. We need to feel people at the level they are at, if we want them to hear us. And the only way to do that is to listen to them. Our innate response is to talk. We think that if we are not talking we will be perceived as dumb. That's a myth we need to shatter.
The truth is, when people come to us for advice, they really don't want advice. What they want is a sounding board, a medium for them to sort out their jumbled thoughts so that they can get down to the answers they already possess. I know in my life, the people I go to most often when I need advice are people who listen unconditionally.
A good exercise to increase your listening skills is to avoid interrupting. When you're talking with someone, fight the urge to take the stage. Don't try to teach anything. Just be silent, and if the person asks for feedback, paraphrase back to them what they told you without making judgments or giving 'advice.' You will see that the person wants to share more with you and you in turn will learn more about what the person needs.
...
We are so quick to give advice but we don't realize how powerful our words are. We can easily send someone down the wrong path in life by saying the wrong thing. A rule of thumb is to imagine you are telling someone how to invest a million dollars. Chances are you'd give a lot more thought to what you'd say. Ask yourself every time, 'am I sure this is what this person needs to hear?' If you keep asking 'am I sure?' you will see dramatic improvements in your ability to teach others.
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This is a portion of the message that I received... and it really struck me as pertinent to my life ... you see... I am a "babbler" sometimes out of nervousness and sometimes out of sheer ecstacy of wanting to share my thoughts with others. But I also observe others and how they approach me and this message is equally as valuable in my observations as it is in my self analysis. Not that I am judging others, but rather, I am being made aware that people don't always thoroughly think out things before advising me what I should do. And I admit... it is easy to tell people what to do... OR, rather, what MY ego thinks they should do. But that isn't always what is spiritually positive for that person in the gestalt of their life journey. Who am I to figure this out for them? In all honesty and truth... people hold the answers to all their life questions within themselves; it's just nice to have a sounding board to find those answers.
I know I am a challenge to my friends... hard to read sometimes. But I am not looking for anyone to fix... resolve... or correct me in my spiritual path. Sometimes I need that spiritual solitude to remember why I choose to do this in the first place... to step further inside of the reality that I am experiencing... the "eye of the storm" so to speak. I don't retreat from people as it may appear... but rather I am rebuilding my fortitude so that I am a better example of being who I am. In order to "be" ... I have to focus on the gestalt of me... which then gives me a view of how others interact with me and why. I have been questioning why certain things have been happening to me... "what is wrong with me" ... etc.. etc. But it has nothing to do with what is wrong with me... but rather what is right FOR me. I can see this more clearly now. I appreciate the view that I have ... even if it is through human eyes still.
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Saturday, March 12, 2005
kmc posted this at: 11:44 p.m.A Day Around Town...
Well... I took the new camera out for a full day test run... I've posted a lot of new pictures on my flikr account today. The total number of pictures I took between 11:30 AM until 3:30 PM... 123!!! I am totally stoked with the zoom capabilities of the new camera, 10x.... it rocks. I still have more pictures that I need to get uploaded to flikr. But I don't want to upload too many at one time.... people tend to browse only the latest few pages... I can say that is honestly what I do too though. There are a few accounts that I have just loved... so I do take the time to browse all of their photos.
I spent the evening out with my roommates, Zoe and Xiandier (did I spell that right?)... and their friend (my friendly acquaintance), Elle. We went to Yanagi's in Pismo Beach first and then finished up with a movie, Pacifier. I liked it! A new side of Vin that I would have not expected.... he did well with it. And, yeah, it was a tad cheesey here and there... but good family movie.
On a perplexing note; I don't understand the whole "if I don't say ANYTHING, maybe it will go away" theory. I am more of a communicating type of person... and I kinda like that in return from others.... being honest with me... it works WORLDS above the whole "don't say anything, dont' reply to anything" tactics. What fear-based response is this anyway??? We are adults, right? I don't understand... and I am going to leave it at that... I just DON'T get people sometimes. Ah well. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. A risk is a challenging way to say... I have faith that I can face this. So, with each encounter I face... I know I learn from it; therefore, I am a better person for it. All is well.
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Friday, March 11, 2005
kmc posted this at: 08:36 p.m.And His Name is BOB...
Everyone needs to get to know BOB!!! I have fallen for him, big time!!! His travels, encounters.... he is quite popular, he's cultural (attending concerts this weekend)... too bad he's in Canada. :(
Go take a browse ... I am sure you will like him as well.
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Thursday, March 10, 2005
kmc posted this at: 04:33 p.m.BTW... It's Her Words turned 2 on 3/5...
It's a late posting... I knew IHW turned another year older recently... ran back to the archives to get the exact date. March 5th, 2003.
It's kinda odd to think that I've been doing this for two years. My how time flys?!
On a *new* note... I finally upgrade my digital camera... will post pictures of the new baby soon on my flikr account for everyone to see. Gonna take some time getting used to tne buttons, how to's and "ooo, what's that thing do?".... can't guarantee that the photos at first will be all that up to par with my other camera... I've become so used to making the pictures work on that one. Giving that one to my roommate since he likes the idea of getting a digital camera... then he can keep up on the photos of his puppy.
OMG! Speaking of Austi... poor puppy - she got her cone off yesterday and roomie brought her with him to softball practice to let her run about and get some exercise. Well, fluke accident when a ball was being thrown toward infield... she got hit... HARD... she made the most awful yowling cry sound... at first she wasn't moving... roomie picked her up and then she kinda came around but in a panic state she tried to run... but her back legs hadn't come into function yet so she ran in circles as her back half didn't work.... again roomie picked her up and took her off the diamond... she was bleeding from the hit... just the puppy teeth hitting her jaw... I felt SICK!!! I was sooooo worried about her... but she slowly came around, stumbling a bit here and there... but she finally recognized me and was scampering between me and my roommate... even when we got home she was still a bit less lively than her normal bouncing puppy playful self. On a very positive note... today she is doing well. She isn't as bouncy yet today... but she is eating well and running around the yard at home. Phew!! Resilient pup!
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Monday, March 7, 2005
kmc posted this at: 10:01 p.m.Pbpbpbpbftht!
UGH! My beloved new eyecandy is down for the day it looks like... my browsing has been squished... due to a power failure and then like a can of worms.... little things seem to have kept happening. So... hopefully they will get it back up soon.
Today was a typical Monday... it happened... not sure what all was accomplished... I hand things off to get approved for entry and then I am sitting on hold.... Rrrgh. But, I am prepared to launch tomorrow as soon as they say "go"... yay. I took some time to journal in a paper journal today. It felt good to express in pen...to release some inner issues to see what thoughts in my head look like on paper. It still doesn't make much sense. I am experiencing a challenge... and I am honestly just at a point of saying "I don't know what to do"... and I am kinda okay with that statement. I guess I don't always have to know what the answer is...
I don't have to control or try to control how things progress... take the ride and see what new perspectives can be observed as a passenger. That takes a great deal of "getting over fears" for me... and I am ready to face that challenge. I trust in people.... and myself; all will go well (or turn out for the best). Wish me luck... heh. Brave .... courageous woman that I am... ~giggles~
Now... I am going to head off to bed later and dream of a great work week; not like last week were Monday repeated itself three days in a row... I will get many tasks accomplished and have many great conversations with co-workers.... ah!
Another day...
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Friday, March 4, 2005
kmc posted this at: 11:11 a.m.Overheard Hilarity...
The world is full of hidden humor:
RS: Hey, you get a haircut?
RB: No.... I got them all cut.
HA!!! I am sooooo going to use this again and again in the future!! I love LOVE LURV moments like these... brightens the day... the week... these are the moments!!!
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Thursday, March 3, 2005
kmc posted this at: 04:19 p.m.It's a QUIET day...
You ever have one of those days when it seems as though NO ONE is aware of you? Like you're not there? I am having one of those days.... and it is WEIRD. Not that I am an extrovert and I am used to being the center of attention... but I am not even getting JUNK MAIL today... no emails... no phone calls... no work emails... no work phone calls.... have I been temporarily displaced in an alternate hell-world? *listens to the sounds of crickets in her audience*
Hello.... is anyone out there? Is this thing on? *TAP TAP* Test, test....
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Monday, February 28, 2005
kmc posted this at: 01:06 p.m.Monday Test...
Take this Monday Test and let me know how well you did.
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