Friday, April 23, 2004
kmc posted this at: 10:27 p.m.R E T R O G R A D E...
been shopping.... after sushi... sushi/shopping/coffee... killer! had the hardest time today (well, it's been ongoing for a few days) to find this word that was setting at the edge of my mind... I knew it had to do with the phrase "I had a 'liking for' something" but on an instinctual level ... epifany....no.... affirmation....no..... athi..... no....appi....no.... aaaahhh..... something.... days now.... so while sitting at the sushi restaurant with Zoe we were going to through the words again..... finally..... affinity..... THERE IT IS..... AFFINITY.... found.
So, along with that .... later in the evening I decided to make up a new word.... Affination. Kinda like a cross between fascination and affinity. THIS is the kind of weird stuff that goes through my mind when Mercury is in retrograde. that and this unusally bizarre feeling that I have lost about 100 points off my IQ level. Ah for the end of this month... it's quite a challenge learning to maintain ME... who I am.... with these outside effects bearing down on me. Can I stand in this naturally defunct (is that a word?) time and be ME... of course I can... but will others understand ME?
I am curious if the retrograde is also affecting my inner self somewhat... I feel this black hole building within. I am not scared of it... but it is as if it is just as insatiable as the ones in "outer space".... I've tried the "retail therapy".... does nothing... even hanging with friends is not filling anything.... don't get me wrong ... I enjoy my friends very much.... they are invaluable..... but there is either a part of me dieing at an extrodinary rate or there is a significant change coming that has to have "room made" for it.... it is nothing that I am fearing..... I just feel so incredibly empty so much these days that nothing seems to fill or be the "missing link" in bringing a level of completion.... it's not even that....it's not about being complete... I don't believe that is possible.... it's about connecting.... or maybe it is about completely disconnecting.... I don't know what I want... really, I don't want anything.... and I don't feel that it is an apathetic thing.... because I do care.... I just don't *want*..... desire is disappearing.
Tonight I am angry.... I get home (I live in this condo complex type place).... I rent one of three rooms in this section of the condo. Attached to our building right behind us is a vacation rental.... which is buzzing a nice party of people tonight.... lots of people..... who.....take up all the fucking parking places around the street..... NOT TO MENTION the inconsiderate fuck who lives across the street who parks (without moving his nice shiney mazda for days on end) who currently is parked in one of the more convenient parking places on our street. Now, this guy actually has been asked by both of the other roommates why he parks there or if he could park elsewhere and his reply "I don't want to".... just as-a-matter-of-fact as that.... being that it is a public street, no assigned parking spaces..... we have to tolerate this prick who has two or three other parking places OF HIS OWN filled with other cars he drives.... so..... do I think karma will come around to this guy? .... yeah, just not soon enough to appease my anger tonight. Is this just another character-building challenge for me to learn to deal with? Or am I supposed to grow some nards and go talk to my landlord? Go talk to the City of Pismo and ask them to consider assigning parking on our street to take care of this? Or should I discuss with my roommates the deal of rotating the one "driveway" parking place between ALL three of us and not just ONE of us....???
RRRRrrrrggghhhh.... there frustration (one of many I guess) out for the night..... should sleep well.
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Tuesday, April 20, 2004
kmc posted this at: 11:11 a.m.DAY 111 of 2004
Today is a great day! If you've read much about me you know that I like series of 111. My birthday 1-11, the 11th day of the year. Today happens to be the 111th day of tihs year. Manifesting great things. Start something new. Be open to something you've never been open to before. Experience the power of making wishes come true. It can happen; it DOES happen. My life is a shining example of positive outcomes enforced by positive choices.
So here it is... my challenge to you. Make a wish, affirm it to be true. Give gratitude for it being real. And step back and watch. (Let me note: "For the higher purpose and greater good for all and harm to none" is the backbone of my "wishes" that I have affirmed and that friends have also affirmed. 1. Be careful what you wish for.... 2. Know your intent and keep it positive. Winning the lottery is not necessarily "good for all"... it's definitely good for the ego.... but think about it.... ego = illusion. Keep it real.)
Let me know how it goes.....
A wish soars through the sky,
Believe it to be true;
You need not know the "why"
Trust the power of YOU!
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Wednesday, April 19, 2004
kmc posted this at: 11:58 p.m.Earwigs...???
Whatever is the purpose of these critters??? EW!
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Thursday, April 15, 2004
kmc posted this at: 01:15 p.m.Communication 101
Hello Brian,
I figure, since you visit here more than you call me, that I would go ahead and communicate here. I never really know if you get my emails since you don't reply. Not much new in my life, but still enjoying it. No new books to report. How about you? Well, I will keep this one short. Hope you are well.
"Talk to you soon,"
mscaprikell
aka Kelly, the human you used to talk to.
p.s. Come on .... laugh.... it was FUNNY! That's what you get for flaking on coffee. "I blog this"
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Saturday, April 10, 2004
kmc posted this at: 01:11 a.m.CONCERT! ... at CalPoly...SLO.
Michelle my roommate invited me to go with her to see Michelle Branch in concert! Okay... rephrase this... Wayne, my other roommate was supposed to go, but he changed his mind... called me early Friday morning to see if I would go in his place... so I did....
The venue was small, but the music was fantastic. Even the two opening bands were very entertaining. Can't remember the first band...(bad me!)... but the second one was The Rooneys... never heard of them but the younger crowd definitely knew them... I guess they are an "up-and-coming" band that kinda sounds modern-southern rockish....??? They performed well, voices were okay... music decent... all in all I wrap it up as good entertainment. I wouldn't buy a CD, but I wouldn't turn the radio station if they came on. AND THEN.... Michelle Branch. I can not say enough things about this woman! She is extraordinary! You know how some performers don't do as well in person as they do in studio?... well.... she ROCKS... all the way around... accoustical versions of her own songs... FANTASTIC! Was thoroughly entertained the entire time she was playing. And she is interactive. Some guy had dressed up in pirate-wear and she announced "how did someone know that I had a pirate fetish?" Followed by a "thank you for entertaining me too!" It's extreme when a performer of her magnitude is "human" enough to interact and then also show sincere gratitude for something so simple. Then later on in the set, someone threw a pair of underwear up on stage... uhm, EW!... she had her stage manager come check them out... and they noticed it had writing on it (it was knotted up a few times so it would make it on stage)... once unknotted, the stage manager held up these HUGE "granny-style" undies that had a message that Michelle read, "Do not wear these, I bought them from a yard sale, who knows where they've been." The entire crowd ROARED! EW! times about 900... so she started her next song with this smirk of disbelief... and just as she was about to start to sing she stopped.... "Okay.... one, who would SELL used underwear at a yard sale???" [laughter from the crowd] "Better yet, WHO ON EARTH would BUY used underwear??? EW! that's just wrong!" The entire crowd errupted again and then she went onto the next song. The night was spectacular... the encore close out (yeah, this small crowd brought her back on stage)... the final song, how very aperpo... Goodbye to You.... I nearly cried... that one really hits home for me!
After the concert, Michelle (my roommate, not Branch) went to Denny's for food... both of us were starving. It was great, got to know a bit more about her and she about me as well... very cool evening!!!
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Wednesday, April 7, 2004
kmc posted this at: 11:53 p.m.ACCOMPLISHMENT!
What a week! (Yes, I know it's only Wednesday)... I just completed my first "on my own" run of the payroll for the company I now work for... SUCCESS! Everything went so surprisingly well that I was worried I missed something. But no, I did not miss a thing!!! YAY for Kelly!! It made me feel good to complete payroll for 515 employees and not have any bugs! Life is good! And, it was so good that.... my supervisor pulled me into her office and said they were very pleased with my performance and how quickly I took on the responsibility of the payroll with the other person leaving.... THAT...... they gave me a promotion and raise!!! DOUBLE-YAY!!! I was bouncing off the walls!
OH.... Monday was Heidi's Birthday!!! Happy Birthday Heidi!!! Very good friend... like family actually. Thought I'd mention it since I have lunch with her tomorrow!
that's it for today....
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Saturday, April 3, 2004
kmc posted this at: 11:39 p.m.R & R!!! and then entertainment!
I love it when I get to pamper myself with a massage. I have one specific person that I go to... have for years. It's always fun catching up with her, too, on how life is going... what has happened since we last talked. Great friend!
Then I came home to a brand new bbq grille! My roommate purchased one because he's been jonesing for a bbq something, anything... :) We had steaks for lunch! Was fantastic!
Really starting to experience the Spring of things... ya know... nice bits of sunshine, promising of lighter days... starts lifting the spirits inside and makes one feel like shaking off the winter dust.
Last night was pretty fun. Went out with friends to Vallarta in San Luis... great mexican food restaurant. It was James's Birthday... (Simone's husband for those of you who don't know). And if you don't know Simone... well, play along... great food... fun people... some hilarious conversations! And an observation that just made all of us cringe... this mother was feeding an already cranky baby refried beans, iceberg lettuce and guacamole... uhm... thinking a little down the road... baby is going to be A LOT more cranky. AND... would NOT want to be on diaper duty that evening!!
Okay, back to present day... well, evening.... went to see HellBoy... I liked it! I can possibly see though that not everyone may like it. (But isn't everything that way???) I liked the characters and the storyline no matter how simple it was. The "magic" of it... mysticism meets modern day. It could have gone deeper, but then it would have been 3 hours long or something.
And that will do for now...
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Monday, March 29, 2004
kmc posted this at: 06:24 p.m.First, Last, Favorite.... thoughts...
FIRSTS
First job: burger joint... sonic drive-in, actually!
First self purchased CD: (I lived in the age before CD's so...): CD: probably something techno/ambient/clubby.
First piercing/tattoo: boring.... the basic thing.... ears.
First true love: the one that I met in April 2001.
First enemy: I had/have enemies???
LASTS
Last big car ride: SF trip!
Last kiss: my birthday (that's right.... haven't kissed anyone in 2 months)
Last library book checked out: ... lost my library card... I couldn't even remember!
Last movie seen: Return of the King (yes, I see a trend here... "long time" since...)
Last beverage drank: coffee!!!
Last food consumed: pretzel sticks to kill the hunger!
Last phone call: to Jen to see what she was upto.... she didn't answer!
Last CD played: Celine Dion's latest.
Last annoyance: slow drivers
Last pop drank: Vanilla Coke.... cuz plain coke is just..... well.... plain.
Last ice cream eaten: Coldstone.... Cherry Cake Double Take!!!
Last time scolded: drawing a blank here.....
Last shirt worn: prior to work.... the comfy pj shirt that I love!
FAVORITES
Number: 11
Color: green!!
Day: SATURDAY (weekends rock!)
Month: July... it's usually warm then.
Song: Could Never Be Sorry For Love - Celine
Season: Living in CA, I've kinda forgotten what those are.... spring (since that seems to be the most common one here).
Drink: Going out: Cosmo or some martini type. Casual: Cream soda.
Quote: "I am you are me; transcend the obvious - just be." - self discovered epiphany.
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I've had a bit more thoughts scrambling throughout my head lately. So, one of the thoughts that really struck a chord in me was after hearing a bit of a program about the Power of Intention. Dr. Wayne Dyer (I think that's who it is) speaks of purpose of life, intentions, the differnet faces of intent... and such... very cool program on PBS. The one thing that really got me to thinking was living one's life "on purpose".... it's like saying you live your life in a way that is on track ... or on the path.... however you want to phrase it. Now, part of me thinks I have been living my life "on purpose".... following and doing what I feel is appropriate for my existance. Learning always. Choosing my reactions, living those reactions rather than bottling them inside, moving on out of past moments, and so on.... It feels like an extraordinary present moment awareness. I can say that there is nothing I regret experiencing in life. I would not change a thing about what has happened to me or who I've known or been with throught the years. Each step, each person has been a lesson; a catalyst for me to learn more about myself. Each one of those events in my life has made me into the sentient being that I am now. Very aware of my spiritual growth in all of this. Happier by choice. Living by choices now made in a greater awareness of intent. And the only intent that I can "worry about" or control is my own. Other than that... it is merely observation of my choices of reaction or action from the catalystic events that occur around me. As those events keep unfolding, I am aware that so many positive things happen to me now because I do not surround myself in negative thoughts of "what if".... or "I can'ts"... I am very aware that my life is a splendorous moment. And, it is a waste of time to do anything other than be in the present moment and LIVE in the awareness. Experience things more fully. When I am mad, I live in that moment, experience what has made me mad... observe why I choose to react in such a way... and quite quickly the emotion of the moment has passed and the anger/reaction passes. I am not saying that I have the emotions and reactions down like some guru... but I am aware of me... that I know is the greatest step in life. I used to feel that it was everyone else around me that caused all of this to happen to me. Now, I see that I have choosen most of the circumstances either consciously or unconsciously. The challenges are becoming more and more strenuous.... and all the more rewarding once I surpass them. I know who I am... but never in a million years could I explain it in these words or even in pictures or diagrams.... I am thrilled at the awareness that I have accomplished. I am ecstatic about the spiritual growth that I have achieved in the past few years. Now, to digress a bit.... do I know what my "life purpose" is? No, I can't say that I do.... but I am aware of "me" so I feel that I am on the right path... therefore, I am living quite close to "on purpose" in this present moment. As new opportunities arrive, I will greet them and see if they correspond with my path... incorporate them if they do, or look into them and see if there is anything I could learn... or let go and move on. It seems so simple... yet it is the most challenging thing I've learned to do.
That has been in my head for a while, I guess.... it just takes a catalyst to get things out sometimes.
So, to feed more into the "favorites" from above.... my favorite exclamation that ran through my head today "Come on; drive it like it's a Mustang!" ... goes with that "annoyance" thing up there. It was immediately funny to me after I said it in my head.
One last funny for the day... I had this link forwarded to me today in an email... an OH MY GODDESS! it cracked me up.... or should I say "popped" me up! Take a look..... Favorite Link of the Day!!!
be well ... or just be!
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