Thursday, February 6, 2003
01:17 p.m.
Um. Guys? It's a FENCEPOST.
Photo Highlight - Virgin Mary?
Interesting thought:
Bishops seek saint for InternetTuesday, February 4, 2003
01:10 p.m.
Jackson: Baby from surrogate momMonday, February 3, 2003
01:17 p.m.
We've Got to Stop Eating Like This
"Imagine, for instance, that a crazed vegan were to burst into your office with a gun and demand that you produce, within four minutes, some fresh fruit. Could you do it? How about a soft drink?"
There's hope:
AOL reports first drop in subscribers
Go, Harry!:
Vatican: Harry Potter's OK with usSunday, February 2, 2003
09:33 p.m.
C'mon mother, you know you want to! :-)Sunday, February 2, 2003
01:25 p.m.
A whole bottle of wine later and we're still talking about CS classes, trig, and matrices, and the thing is, I'm loving that as much as I'd love anything else we'd be doing.
Yes, I'm a geek. I love it. He loves it. And the people that are closest to my heart love it. And that's all the important people. :-)Sunday, February 2, 2003
12:31 a.m.
A chapter of my life has closed. I spent some time meditating tonight. I spent some time writing, I spent some time thanking the heavens that I didn't make the worst mistake of my life.
And, I think that there were 1 or 2 people out there who keep up on this blog just enough to revel in my misery. Thanks, guys.
I looked up someone I used to know this evening. I shouldn't have, probably, but I suddenly felt the urge to see if all was well. It is. And that's good.
I want to state for the record that I know I am not always a good person, and I know that I have done some fiendishly hellish things. All I can offer is that I was young, and foolish, and had no idea what I was doing. And I'm sorry. I do all that I can to continue to grow and be a better person. I've learned much, and I've changed a lot. I doubt any of this means jack to certain folk - in fact, it's a safe bet that it doesn't - but I will state again that I'm sorry. But given some of the names I've been called, Sunset Bitch ain't nothin'. :-)
np - Poe - ControlFriday, January 31, 2003
06:09 p.m.
http://www.divstivs.plus.com/iconwar/
Props to Sam for posting the link :-)Friday, January 31, 2003
08:40 a.m.
Babies' Mental Delay Tied to Moms' Vegan DietThursday, January 30, 2003
06:14 p.m.
What Obscure Animal are you?
Wednesday, January 29, 2003
09:45 p.m.
Tuesday, January 28, 2003
01:38 p.m.
KaZaa fights back; files countersuitMonday, January 20, 2003
11:28 a.m.
And, when I awoke, the first thing I thought of
was how I wanted you here, so I could lay for a
moment and listen to the sound of you breathing,
and thank the Universe for bringing you into my life.
Dear gods.
I wanted to write something so sweet in return, and I just don't know what to say, because all this beautiful emotion is trapped in my mind behind worries of Screwing Something Up, or Not Saying It Right, or Being A Bitch, etc. And I don't even know what words I could say that would be any sweeter than that, all I know is that I want to drag him to bed with me, naked, intertwined, and murmur "I love you" in his ear until we both fall asleep.Thursday, January 16, 2003
08:48 a.m.
Surgery Tools Left in 1,500 People a Year
"It ... happens more often to fat patients, simply because there is more room inside them to lose equipment, according to the study."Thursday, January 16, 2003
07:14 a.m.
Current favorite song, and np - Chantal Kreviazuk, Leaving on a Jet Plane, Armageddon : The AlbumTuesday, January 14, 2003
01:19 p.m.
1833 unmarried sex law overturnedTuesday, January 14, 2003
08:25 a.m.
This is just kind of sad:
Turning to the ocean for drinking water
We have so many people that freshwater sources aren't enough for us anymore. Now we have to start raping the oceans. The human population keeps growing and growing, and instead of actually conserving, or *gasp* stop BREEDING, we just rape some new resources. Forests? Chop 'em! We need the wood! Fuck the animals that may be living there! Fuck the plants that need the trees! Alaskan wilderness? Tap it for oil! We need to fuel our SUV's! Fuck the local wildlife! Fuck the beautiful scenery! Oceans? Desalinate 'em! We need the water for our over-manicured lawns! Fuck the aquatic life! Fuck mamma nature's grand design!
I'm in a depressive sort-of space. Human beings just piss me off sometimes. We're all so caught up in our luxuries and decadent pleasures of life that we refuse to see beyond our flat-screen TV's and our SUV's and our lack of sense of responsibility. Instead of actually working to clean up the damage we've done, we investigate other planets, wonder how feasible it is to set up colonies on the moon. After all, why clean when you can just move?Monday, January 13, 2003
11:47 p.m.
And I think. I think about my life and the decisions I'm making, and I think about the reasons why. And I think about what I'm doing, and what I'd rather be doing, and if life was perfect, what would I be doing? I'm walking a very fine line in my choices right now, and I can't talk to anybody about it. I know that there's a lot of opinions about me ~ I'm a Bad Person, and I'm making a Poor Decision, and of course I'm still a Whore. Shame y'all couldn't hear the stories of the terrible, terrible things I did to my ex, gee golly, you'd think I was even more of a whore then. And I just don't fucking care.
The trick of it is, I desperately need advice and I just can't talk about it. The last time people were invited into my life I got burned, and I lost a lot of people I considered my friends, though I know better now. This time when I invited people into my life, I neglected to tell the whole story, so their perception was skewed. And instead of getting advice, I got responses that made me close up. And now I just don't say a damn thing.
I'm sick of feeling guilty about the way I conduct my life. I work very hard to try to make everyone feel loved, and I try to keep everyone involved in my life. And I want you all to be involved. But I think there's topics that for a while, no-one else really needs to hear about. I'm sick of feeling guilty. I can't make anybody understand where it is I'm coming from, and it's too easy for me to slip away with "It's my life, I'll do what I want," and it's too easy for others to say "What you're doing is wrong." The communication sticks and falters, until they think I'm Bad, and I just feel even more guilty.
I give as much as I can, and why doesn't it feel like enough?
I'm sorry. I ramble, I'm vague, and none of the above most likely makes sense. I'm thinking very hard right now, and I'm dancing very quickly, and I'm walking a line so fine it's starting to cut my feet. Mostly I'm just thinking.
Maybe I need to stop listening to unnamed bands and unnamed songs in the car.
I want to say one thing before y'all think I've gone completely off the deep end, or that things are really bad... It's just that these little moral crises always sound worse than they are. ... : I love N. So help me, I do. And that's all I have to say about that.Sunday, January 12, 2003
01:02 p.m.
Thursday, January 9, 2003
03:33 p.m.
Australian spiders are heading to space
Yay, drinking!
Study: Frequent Drinking Can Help HeartWednesday, January 8, 2003
01:01 p.m.
Rare moss ends 130 years of celibacyMonday, January 6, 2003
06:54 p.m.
Which Ultimate Beautiful Woman are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Saturday, January 4, 2003
12:42 p.m.
Well, depends on your definition of constructive, I guess. I have some letters and email to write, and a CD-R to install, and maybe some cleaning, and of course, organizing my comics. But I'm not leaving the house till tonight, I'm not seeing anyone, and I probably won't pick up the phone. Today is for me, and dear gods, I need it.Thursday, January 2, 2003
05:53 p.m.
. . .
Now why does that make me want to cry?Tuesday, December 31, 2002
07:22 p.m.
Tuesday, December 31, 2002
06:50 p.m.
Everyone have a wonderful and safe Ringing-In-Of-The-New-Year. I know I speak for me, anyway, when I say "Hope 2003 is a helluva lot better than 2002." :-)
Cheers!Monday, December 23, 2002
12:12 p.m.
Things that N has helped me remember:
--The absolute sweet, all-body feeling that comes over you when someone tells you they love you
--The simple pleasure of being brought coffee in the morning
--Having a sarcastic, smart-ass ally when battling the stupid hordes at malls
--The total fear of being in love with someone and being too burned, too beat, too scared to say it
--What it feels like to wake up next to a thermonuclear device
--The beautiful feeling of being able to hug someone for minutes at a time, and feel safe and comfortable in their arms
--The scary feeling of being on the exact same wavelength
--The ease of knowing that you can rely on someone else, and not have to always handle things yourself
As N has said, "I wasn't supposed to meet you for another year!" There was supposed to be dating and messing around and general dissatisfaction with the whole dating scene. There wasn't supposed to be meeting and talking and desiring and falling in love. It's funny how the world works sometimes, the way that the wheel turns. Even when things are at the worst, there is always an upswing.
I do know that what I'm doing is probably a touch on the hasty side. I know this because I continually find new ways that I was wounded from my previous relationship. The way I'm too scared to let slip my feelings, the way I'm too scared to share the deepest emotional bits of myself. The way that I didn't even want to talk about my religion, because the last thing I needed to hear was someone else telling me how silly it was.
There's still such a grand fear in the back of my head that this can't last! Anything too good to be true usually is. And N... N is far too good to be true. He is everything I thought I was looking for and everything I didn't know I was looking for. He astounds me with his insight, his open-mindedness, his ability to accept things. He amazes me with his words, and his genius, and his love. He's heard every horrible thing I can think of to tell him, from why my previous relationship ended badly to why this whole holiday season is a completely depressing time for me. He's heard me list out every one of my personal flaws that I could think of. I have been as upfront and honest as I could possibly be. And still, he stays. Still, he looks at me like he can't believe I'm real. Still, he hugs me, caresses me, holds me. And still, I can't believe what a beautiful thing I have somehow managed to stumble into.Friday, December 13, 2002
02:38 a.m.
I'm frightened to say that it was fun. But it was. :)
np - Jan Johnston - Silent WordsSunday, December 8, 2002
09:41 a.m.
Saturday, December 7, 2002
12:37 a.m.
um. Primarily about a boy
--Being able to spend 3 hours on the phone with someone, with no lag in the conversation
--In the middle of a discussion about neurons and random nonsense being passed from one to the other and whether that impacts creativity or not, thinking to yourself, "He is so CUTE!"
--Being physically turned on by the fact that the person you're talking to is so fucking smart
--Being told over and over again how amazing / brilliant / wonderful / beautiful you are
--Being told the above by a boy who is usually self-assured and can discuss almost anything in a totally intelligent, straightforward manner, but when he starts talking about that, he stutters and stammers and can't seem to find the words he wants to say
--Knowing that a) the stuff you're doing at your job is really, really important and b) knowing that you're gonna get a PHAT paycheck at the end of this month since you put in about a 52 hour week
--That the dreams you've been having about your ex lately indicate that your subconscious has finally starting saying "no, I don't want to get back together with him"
--I GET TO SLEEP IN TOMORROW
np - Balligomingo - FallingWednesday, December 4, 2002
03:20 p.m.
Wednesday, December 4, 2002
06:37 a.m.
Tuesday, December 3, 2002
10:59 p.m.
Well, off to bed, I guess. Any bets on how long I'm at work tomorrow?
np - Train - It's About You
News:
No peace over Planned Parenthood's holiday card
Choice quotes: "'To celebrate abortion at the season when Christians worldwide remember the birth of the Savior is just plain sick,' read a statement from [The Family Research Council]." "Planned Parenthood called the criticism 'absurd,' and said it comes from groups that want to shut it down. " Humm... yes.. I have to go with the "absurd" comment.
Oregon governor apologizes for forced sterilizations
"Girls in reform school, people in mental institutions and poor women selected by welfare workers were among the more than 2,500 Oregonians subjected to sterilizations..." Yes, I do have an opinion about this, but I think I'll abstain from posting it. Sooo, discuss amongst yourselves.
Monday, December 2, 2002
01:06 p.m.
Supreme Court agrees to hear homosexual sex case
That the Government should think it has any right to dictate what I do in my own bedroom and who I do it with is insane.
"States argue that the laws, some dating back more than 100 years, are intended to preserve public morals." Oh, okay, and what I do in my bedroom constitutes "public"? And the state has the right to tell me what my morals are? Based on WHAT?
"A Louisiana appeals court recently upheld that state's 197-year-old law banning all oral and anal sex." Ooooh, there's a state I sure as hell don't wanna move to. Grrrrrr. Gotta love Big Brother.Sunday, December 1, 2002
05:29 p.m.
[Miz A] Mmmm, books and tequila. How much fun would it be to read Bertrand Russell, get drunk, and then talk about it??
[N] Oh. Oh, god. Oh, god, yes. Oh, god, yes-- now.
And I was being serious. :-)
Sunday, December 1, 2002
10:16 a.m.
An astounding number of things have happened in only the past few days. All wonderful, all positive, and some a little scary. I feel like I've lived a lifetime in less than a week. I will say this : I went to dinner last night with N (Ambar India - a near fatal addiction for me), and I remember looking up at him from my next-best-thing-to-sex lamb vindaloo, thinking "There is absolutely no place in the world I'd rather be right now."
To work today! I have many things to wrap up before Monday. *sigh* But first, coffee. I had no caffeine yesterday and I'm noticing the effect today. :PFriday, November 29, 2002
10:11 p.m.
Friday, November 29, 2002
05:06 p.m.
(note: if you're offended by female nudity, DON'T CLICK ON THE LINK. Got it?)Friday, November 29, 2002
10:18 a.m.
Dollars to KnutsThursday, November 28, 2002
02:05 p.m.
I was going to post a long thing here about all the stuff I give thanks for, but there's so many. And I already sent an email to the people in my life that I love, and those people are about the most important thing(s) I give thanks for.
May you be surrounded by life, family, laughter, and joy today. {hugs} to everyone that should cross this page.Thursday, November 28, 2002
02:15 a.m.
Bad thing: Am a dumbass. Didn't realize I had parked so close to the post in the garage at N. on the L. F*cked up the front right side of my car. Will cost wads of money to repair.
Sum total: No one hurt, no one damaged, lots of life and laughter, but will be sublimely low on money in the near future. At this moment, I say worth it. The evening was so beautiful. After the bill... well, we'll talk. :)Tuesday, November 26, 2002
08:51 p.m.
Monday, November 25, 2002
09:30 p.m.
News: Move to France
Lower Wacker Drive reconstructed. This only means something to you if you've seen The Blues Brothers. :-)Sunday, November 24, 2002
06:32 p.m.
Got a lot accomplished today. I really wish I was watching Sopranos tonight, but I may not be. Oh well... the way it goes. I'll pick it up later this week if nothing else.
Back to the housework that I don't feel like doing. :PSunday, November 24, 2002
01:50 a.m.
Saturday, November 23, 2002
12:47 p.m.
Good day yesterday. Stressful at work, don't get me wrong, but I learned some new things and felt important for a little while. After work - a going-away party, of sorts, for one of the girls at work. A shame she's leaving, too... I discovered only recently that she's fun to hang out with. I spent way way too much money last night, but the company was worth it, and I had a good time. And yes, there is a reason for my putting that particular definition at the top of this entry, but I'm not going to explain it. :-)
Anyway. Off to get my violin today. And tonight? Who knows? The day is wide open. Thursday, November 21, 2002
12:49 p.m.
Lawsuit claims McDonald's burgers and fries are making kids fatMonday, November 18, 2002
08:13 p.m.
Long, slightly painful day today. But - my bright spot: some weeks ago, I bought a set of 10 extremely tarnished silver goblets for $7.50. A steal! It's taken me until now to actually polish one. They're beautiful! Absolutely gorgeous! There's a few spots on some of them that are completely corroded, and no amount of silver polish will take care of that. But it's not like I'm going to use them as drinking glasses. Anyway, sitting on my stereo right now are 2 goblets : the "before" and the "after". Such a difference. For $7.50, some polish, and some (wo)man-power, I got quite a bargain. Beautiful. :-)
And an aside: I think that Sam should add Cincinnati to his list. :-)Sunday, November 17, 2002
01:39 a.m.
I don't expect it to last... but I'll enjoy it to the hilt whilst it does. :-)Saturday, November 16, 2002
07:38 p.m.
but hot DAMN, it's nice to feel cute again.Saturday, November 16, 2002
01:47 a.m.
One (1) extremely long day; one (1) job picked up for someone else that kept me in the office til 6 on a Friday; one (1) job picked up for someone else that the someone else had to fix after I left the office; four (4) shots of Cuervo Gold; four (4) cokes; several (> 1) opportunities to flirt with the manager of the bar; one (1) cappucino from Starbucks; several (> 1) reminders to call a friend who works at Barnes and Noble; five (5) companions; one (1) possibility of running into my ex; one (1) showing of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets; zero (0) times to get up and pee during the movie.
All in all, one (1) very good day. :-)Wednesday, November 13, 2002
09:49 p.m.
Please make it stop. Nobody should look that scary.Wednesday, November 13, 2002
07:13 p.m.
Wednesday, November 13, 2002
01:06 p.m.
Tuesday, November 12, 2002
11:32 p.m.
1) If someone does something nice for you, don't bitch about it.
and
2) Always say "Please" and "Thank you". Lack thereof can make someone not want to do nice things for you anymore.
I learned these 2 things from someone close to my heart, and I've never forgotten them.Monday, November 11, 2002
09:21 p.m.
-- Tori Amos, Taxi RideMonday, November 11, 2002
06:34 p.m.
Sunday, November 10, 2002
06:36 p.m.
Sunday, November 10, 2002
09:43 a.m.
http://www.sinfest.net/comics/sf20021110.gifSaturday, November 9, 2002
02:20 p.m.
Weekly World News Online EditionFriday, November 8, 2002
06:31 a.m.
Thursday, November 7, 2002
06:03 p.m.
Wednesday, November 6, 2002
07:08 a.m.
I almost wish what was going on in my head was a chemical thing... clinical depression or something. Then I could friggin' take something and make it go away. I don't think it is... I think I'm down enough already, and the cold weather doesn't help. G&B diagnose me as having a classic case of SAD, but I don't think that's it... I don't mind the lack of sunlight so much. I love Seattle, and it's always overcast and drizzly there. I think it's the lack of heat that bothers me. All I want to do is stay inside in a nice warm bed. The colder times also make me want to stay inside and snuggle, and unfortunately that's not an option available to me right now.
I know I've been nothing but depressed lately. I don't really have any outstanding happy news to balance it out.
You know what I need? A new TV! The ex made off with the old one we had, and now all I have is my little tiny one from college. And you just can't play FFX on a tiny little television set.
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