1) 2002
2) 2003/2004
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Friday, February 18, 2005 / 01:40 p.m.

 ahahahah some people are so full of shit.
pisses the hell out of me, it really does.
oh well, you make no difference to me.
=)

ultimate lesson for this year's birthday:
surround yourself with people that won't waste your fucking time.
=O.

excuse my profanity. too tired to change it for now.
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Thursday, February 17, 2005 / 09:11 p.m.

 The postal service-such great heights

I am thinking it's a sign that the freckles in our eyes are mirror images and when we kiss they're perfectly aligned. And I have to speculate that God himself did make us into corresponding shapes like puzzle pieces from the clay. True, it may seem like a stretch, but its thoughts like this that catch my troubled head when you're away when I am missing you to death.

my birthday is tomorrow!!!
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hm.
Wednesday, February 9, 2005 / 07:27 p.m.

 mix of things today.
had a hypnotist come to my school for one. was a volunteer.
did some queer stuff. 0.o

locked my keys in the car.
how smart of me.

embraced people, scoffed at people today.
what a bag of jibberish, this day was.
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traffic check january
Tuesday, February 8, 2005 / 07:58 p.m.

 1 Canada 502
2 U.S.A. 457
3 Unknown 22
4 Portugal 16
5 Sweden 7
6 France 4
7 Australia 2
8 Germany 2
9 Hong Kong 1
10 United Kingdom 1

TOTAL VISITORS IN THIS PERIOD: 1015

nice. go me!
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Monday, February 7, 2005 / 12:13 a.m.

 sick.
i have this many pictures of myself. i make myself sick hahaha
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sleep.
Sunday, February 6, 2005 / 09:11 p.m.

 new drawing =)

[[link]]

When you lie down, you will not be afraid;
when you lie down, your sleep
will be sweet.
Have no fear of sudden disaster
or the ruin that overtakes the
wicked,
for the Lord will be your confidence
and will keep your foot from
being snared."
-Proverbs 3:24

saw an image close to this on a bookmark in some book store, always stayed with me.
came out looking a lot different than intended, the look i really would've liked to emulate from that bookmark is missing.

oh well. enjoy anyway.
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Saturday, February 5, 2005 / 04:04 p.m.

 haha whatever, fine. makes no difference to me =)

i'm off
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Tuesday, February 1, 2005 / 09:12 a.m.

 d day. today is d day.
math provincial starts at 1 pm today.
=(
pray for meeee
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Saturday, January 29, 2005 / 07:12 p.m.

 before i go off into some more hard core studying, i must make myself a list of things that i am excited about.

after my bloody provincials are over and done with, i must do these things.

  • read =]
  • make mods to this fugly outdated site
  • contact HM do the shoot =)
  • pamper thyself into looking not so deshevelled and retarded anymore =)
  • sleep
  • focus on bike-getting.

    askldfjalfjaslfjsalfjalfjalfa will be so great.
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    Saturday, January 29, 2005 / 11:45 a.m.

     you'd like to think it's not true, wouldn't you.
    you would liek to think i don't feel that way. you would like to think that it's not real, wouldn't you.

    = (
    why do i get so sick, so bored so easily?
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    Saturday, January 22, 2005 / 01:17 a.m.

     hey look it's my eye.


    hey look my eyes are closed.


    hey look i'm bored.
    .
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    Wednesday, January 19, 2005 / 11:27 p.m.

     yesterday was productive.
    today i wasted my frikking time.

    watch this:
    http://www.big-boys.com/articles/whaleandkayak.html

    : O
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    chaos.
    Tuesday, January 18, 2005 / 04:30 p.m.

     up to my straining neck with study study study work work work. am hardly finding the time to mend to my own hyegiene, grossly enough. hahaha, amazing how raunchy a najin can become in times of stress.

    today's wonderful schedule consists of 2 nonstop hours of english writeups straiight into perpetual math-mode. logarithmss, sinusoidal curves, trig identities galoreeee! Mmmmm. Absolutely fantabulous.

    anyways, so before i go on brain farting my way through all that, I must shpeil. shpeil shpeil shpeil.

    yesterday....
    i'm slowly realising every day, little by little, how much you actually mean to me.
    seldom have I ever cried on account of the emotion I hold for someone.
    you're that seldom someone. =)

    you're the swelling, enveloping twang of rosy cheeked goodness that stuns me every time i think about you.
    you've been the vital drip of fuel in my life.

    =D
    wee.
    kay, back to the mighty dorkdome of my life.
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    Wednesday, January 12, 2005 / 09:37 p.m.

     rachel lampa-day of freedom.
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    Monday, January 10, 2005 / 12:17 a.m.

     ok seriously.
    Linda Bergkvist.
    freaking AMAZING.

    i swearrrrrrr i'm going to work and work and work my art.
    work it! =) i want to make peices that will take people's breath away =)
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    traffic check
    Friday, January 7, 2005 / 11:08 p.m.

     for the month of december:

    Unique hosts
    1 U.S.A. 553
    2 Canada 319
    3 Unknown 30
    4 Germany 16
    5 United Kingdom 6
    6 South Korea 4
    7 Australia 2
    8 Japan 2
    9 Hong Kong 1
    10 Philippines 1

    TOTAL VISITORS IN THIS PERIOD: 935

    WHOO!!! racked it up last month. 935...what a doozie 8-O

    anyway drew something new today, hope you like it:

    "And So you leave me..."

    was very much contemplating on more colors..and background. i actually colored and drw in all her hair then decided it took away from the face so erased it all -.-.
    anyway i like it better this way.
    will most likely be touching up her skin tones sooner or later, they're very uneven.
    the concept...the image is something i had stuck in my head today.
    =(
    so sad.
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    Wednesday, January 5, 2005 / 08:28 p.m.

     been coughing for a few hours STRAIGHt.
    will barf soon.
    phlem clogging senses.
    can't breathe.
    ...yet i seem to be able to type.
    ha ha.
    no seriously though, my coughing is bad.
    crap.
    seriously will barf soon.

    let me describe what my coughing is like rightn ow.
    so i cough. sharply, the 2943294823984th one, peircing the throat, splitting something or other in there, hurting like hell.
    so the cough makes me gasp.
    gasp phlem infested air that makes me suffocate and wanna barf. or cough.
    so i cough. sharply, the 2943294823985th one, peircing the throat, splitting something or other in there, hurting like hell.
    so the cough makes me gasp.
    gasp phlem infested air that makes me suffocate and wanna barf. or cough.

    and repeat. and repeat.
    and REPEAT!
    aHHHHskfjklsjflsajflsajfpaowjfa.
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    hmm.
    Thursday, December 30, 2004 / 08:26 p.m.

     nothing too outspoken or phenominal to talk about today.
    came back from camp charis, youth conference....in short, it made me feel exceedingly fossil-like, old. fogey.

    ^ that comment up there pretty much sums up how rewarding the camp was. the most interesting and thought-provoking thought i could conjure up about the experience is that it made me feel old.
    unforunately, i do not feel completely rejuvinated, replenished and i am not on some spiritual high. wasn't expecting to, and i didn't. i was blessed to see so many youth going nuts for God, but it makes me sit and ponder upon how unfortunate and dare i even say, how pathetic it will be when they get back into the daily grind of their lives and toss that in-the-moment passion out from their lives. i'm not trying to be pessimistic or cruel here, it's the truth...i've been through the process several, several times. it's great you're passionate, it really is. but how hard is that when everyone around you is on fire as well? what will you do when everyone else around sneers and disapproves of your beliefs? what will you do then?

    there is some kind of revolution that will have to take place. some drastic change, some serious mending....it's going to have to happen soon.

    until then...i'm trapped in my little dark, yet comfy pit of shallowness.
    =)
    . wee.
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    Sunday, December 26, 2004 /

    it's playing. shhh listen.
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    Friday, December 24, 2004 / 10:26 p.m.

     i don't even deserve a fucking smidgen of what i have.
    i don't deserve sympathy, i certainly don't deserve the unconditional love i've been blessed with.
    i screwed up.
    i screwed up.
    i screwed up.

    "this is going to change everything."
    i said it to myself before it all happened, i distinctly remember thinking the exact words.
    i still let it happen.

    and you. you've trapped me. do you even know how vulnerable i am to you? how could you encourage me to put my integrity, my trustworthiness at stake to fan a hidden fire that you know yourself will never ever burn true?? your voice, your lips, your fucking eyes, it changed everything, it always has.

    how can i get mad at you, how can i get mad at anyone?
    all it would've taken is one simple turn of the cheek, najin.
    you could've delivered one simple, denying push.
    only a little more than a solitary mustard's seed worth of rejection could've set things right.

    It won't do
    to dream of caramel,
    to think of cinnamon
    and long for you.

    It won't do
    to stir a deep desire,
    to fan a hidden fire
    that can never burn true.

    I know your name,
    I know your skin,
    I know the way
    these things begin;

    But I don't know
    how I would live with myself,
    what I'd forgive of myself
    if you don't go.

    So goodbye,
    sweet appetite,
    no single bite
    could satisfy...

    I know your name,
    I know your skin,
    I know the way
    these things begin;

    But I don't know
    what I would give of myself,
    how I would live with myself
    if you don't go.

    It won't do
    to dream of caramel,
    to think of cinnamon
    and long
    for you.

    i'm so fucking torn.
    i leak with reality that's constantly slurped by jeering sinful remembrance, then i go on dripping with reality.

    the hell is going on.
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    michelin man.
    Thursday, December 23, 2004 / 01:00 p.m.

     did yesterday even happen?
    are my eyes really this swollen because of yesterday?
    was my sleep really that broken because of yesterday?
    =(

    i don't even have a set mindframe on all this anymore.
    skewed, disoriented, dishevelled, everything's just crazy.
    be in a relationship for love? for dysfunctional, painful love, but love that's returned nonetheless?
    or be in a relationship in hopes for love? all the right components for a healthy, perfect relationship are there, your mind is there, your body's there...your heart though..it's filled with pathos, it's filled with emotions and care for the cause, yet not love.

    for health or for love?
    isn't that like asking to choose between water and oxygen?
    maybe both are required at the same time. love and health intertwined together.

    now that's a thought.


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    Wednesday, December 22, 2004 / 09:50 p.m.

     in the sheer blink of an eye, you can be swept away in an array of nostalgia. in the blink of an eye, you can be thrust back into painful remembrance.
    in the blink of a freaking eye.
    concrete?
    nothing is concrete.

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    Monday, December 20, 2004 / 01:56 p.m.

     josh groban-remember
    =( i like this song..
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    Saturday, December 18, 2004 / 02:09 pm

     it can't be natural to get bored of people this easily.
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    erase, dammit.
    Thursday, December 16, 2004 / 11:02 p.m.

     forget it najin, forget it najin, forget it najin, forget it najin, forget it najin, forget it najin, forget it najin, forget it najin, forget it najin, forget it najin, forget it najin, forget it najin, forget it najin, forget it najin, forget it najin, forget it najin, forget it najin, najin can't forget it. forget it najin, forget it najin, forget it najin, forget it najin, forget it najin, forget it najin, forget it najin, forget it najin, forget it najin, forget it najin, forget it najin, forget it najin, forget it najin, forget it najin, forget it najin, forget it najin, forget it najin, forget it najin, forget it najin, forget it najin, forget it najin, forget it najin, forget it najin.
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    Wednesday, December 15, 2004 / 05:12 p.m.

     so full of shit.
    unfair. that word again. this is such bull shit.
    all my trust towards someone at stake because of an explicit prediction made by you? a notion?
    since when do you have ground to make such harmful statements?
    i don't care how many correct predictions you have ever made with other people. i refuse to let your thoughts hinder what i have now.
    i'll admit, i let what you said get to me at first. however, i realize the terrible toll that it might take on all that i have...i will continue trusting as much, if not even more than i ever have. i will continue to love unconditionally, regardless of what you tell me.
    if what you say happens, i will not credit your outlandish declarations.
    you've poisoned my thoughts and my feelings, but i've found the remedy.
    how dare you.

    that is certainly enough.
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    fair?
    Monday, December 13, 2004 / 08:52 p.m.

     nothing's fair.
    you think you're getting some injustice? think everything's fine? someone else is facing injustice, someone else thinks it's fair.
    it's not fair for anyone.

    to be expected to be obligated to accept everything set in front of me without being validly skeptical? bull shit.
    i have ground to question, i have ground to think things otherwise if you show me reason to.

    it's almost like trusting god.
    you can't see him. he's not extremely tangible.
    yet you are expected to trust him.
    there is ground to question.
    but you're not god, are you?
    are you that worthy to be so limitlessly trusted?
    you're human. a shady human, at that. all the more reason to be skeptical.

    i'm sorry that i can't be what you want me to be.
    what's vital for you is that i care for you, is that i pray for you, is that i try to be there for you in the best way possible.
    i can't be what you've yearned for me to be.
    i've told you, i've told you.
    so much misunderstanding, so much misleading, look where it's gotten.
    i will not involve myself neck deep any further.
    i pray you get well. i pray for your happiness. i pray you someone who will be able to be there for you as you wanted me to. i pray you unconditional love from those who's love means the most.
    please get well. please be happy. please find love where it counts.i pray for you.
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