*running around like a chicken with its head cut off*
*bodyslamming against project deadline*
Expect no coherent speech until end of week.
The horoscope column at The Onion has it right:
Sagittarius: (Nov. 22—Dec. 21)
Your remarkable talent for procrastination will result in your winning the Nobel Prize For Literature Thrown Together At The Very Last Possible Minute.
x_x
P.s. Yes, hospital beds. Glad your Asuka finally arrived. (Seriously, way to grab some nookie before the world ends.) And Buckbeak/Norbert is sick and wrong and yet wonderful. Not as glorious as S/R, of course. How's the Christmas fic coming along? Here, have some soft white bed sheets. And a chair.
09:34 p.m. Wednesday, December 5, 2001
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A certain someone wrote to talk about the crap I've been spewing here. (HOLYFUCKINGSHIT!!!! a. This person wrote, b. There are more than 3 people in the world who read my blog!)
On the point of time and distance and forgetfulness making things better/worse:
Umm... I agree about the crystalizing (sp?) effect of
memories. But I'm not sure about this making things harder to bear... I
think there's a dulling and blurring of the pain until
you do in fact forget, or things are dulled enough so you become able to move on.
You see hate as a release (of sorts, anyway) from love/emotion, but
I see release as when you've forgotten. I think the
polar opposite of love and hate is indifference.
When you're loving someone, or hating someone, you're
actively engaged with that person. In my mind, one
needs to disengage to find release.
|
Engagement
|
<----->
|
Disengagement/Release
|
|
Love
|
<----->
|
Indifference
|
|
Hate
|
<----->
|
Indifference
|
|
|
|
|
|
Not
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Love
|
<----->
|
Hate
|
So far, I've
found that it's through blurring and forgetting that
one can disengage.
When someone you love breaks your trust, you get the anger to break apart, but you're
still engaged, obsessed etc. If a person pisses you
off/hurts you, she's only able to get that sort of
reaction from you if you love/engage with her.
Love/engagement changes to anger-hate/engagement. But
it's still engagement. You're still running around her
in circles. Disengagement is distance, emotional distance, however you can achieve that, be it through time, and space, or any sort of dimension.
(Luv to have all of your reactions. Talk to me! *^o^*)
(P.s. As I've told K-chan, I think semi-nekkidness is sexier than complete nekkidness. If all this crap above doesn't tickle your brain, you're more than welcome to expound on this issue too. Fu fu.)
12:50 a.m. Sunday, December 2, 2001
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Oh, before I forget:
Love --> Passion <-- Desire
Love --> Desire --> Passion
??
(I've been a consultant too long. I talk in flow charts.)
08:54 p.m. Thursday, November 29, 2001
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"Look at me, here I am, right where I belong..." - Kermit, The Muppets Take Manhattan
I'm sucking on a peppermint candy cane and banging my head against a deadline writing up a report, and will probably be writing well into the wee small hours of the morning, along with the rest of the project team. I'm doing so in a hotel-suite-of-rooms type setup, and at times I'm not sure if this isn't a dorm.
Feels like Swellesley.
08:50 p.m. Thursday, November 29, 2001
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Want to go home. Want to go home and hug bed and watch Bridget-chan. -_-; *pajtt*
11:43 a.m. Wednesday, November 28, 2001
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Introduce another idea:
Love --> Passion <-- Desire
??
11:37 a.m. Wednesday, November 28, 2001
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What of love and desire? Intertwined, but distinguishable, in my mind, under these terms: desire is inward focused and love is outward focused. (Do I *have* to sound like a consultant even when expounding on issues such as this?) Inward that desire seeks to satisfy onself through some form of possession of the other (be it a thing or a person), while love seeks to direct energy outward *for* the other, and gains satisfaction as a by product. Imagine, if you will, a continuem with love on one end and desire on the other... I think it is a rare case for anyone to feel merely one extreme, though I seem to hold that it's easier to fall to the extreme of desire than love. Easier to feel selfish in the extreme than giving, would be another way to put it. ("Easier"... or "More often"? "More susceptible"?) And when one feels love, one almost always feel desire as well... but does this work the other way around? Somehow I find it harder to wrap my mind around the concept that when one feels desire, one usually also feels love with it. Further, how to tell where desire ends and love begins, or where love ends and desire begins...? It seems nearly impossible to pick the threads apart, and recognise each for what they are.
I agree that will can cage emotion, keep it under lock and key. And I believe that one can exercise one's will and decide not to act on emotion, or desire, or love. Equally, emotion can overwhelm will. Is it an affirmation of oneself when one controls emotion through will, or is it a negation in denying one's emotion? Probably neither. Do you leave it for the two to clash until one remains, or use some third element, say, reason, as a basis to make some kind of conscious decision or judgement? But then, what values does one apply? For example, should one justifiably act on love but not desire? But how to tell the difference? I don't for a moment think any of this is absolute, and I don't think there's some elegant thought process for any of this or any clear cut foundation for when to act on what... I don't think anyone can truly make a distinction, conscious or otherwise, but I venture to say that it is nearly always easier to let emotion take over. Emotion is the horse run wild while will acts as the reigns. The crux of the problem being how one will ride and why and when and how to pull back.
11:56 p.m. Tuesday, November 27, 2001
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Btw: MariusxAmadeo 4ever
^_^;
08:37 a.m. Tuesday, November 27, 2001
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More rambling:
I wonder, sometimes, about desire. The destructive kind. The kind you know will mess things up. The good kind being those that propel one into achieving more, pushing further, etc. (Theories on how to tell the difference can span volumes. Perhaps I'll think more on that point later. Off the top of my head, I think it has to do with responsibility <--> action.) One can become obsessed with something or someone, and no concious control can put a stop to it. The need to have, the want that is all consuming, is entirely selfish, defies logical understanding, yet to some degree we glorify in it. Too easy to give in, too great the rush that comes with fulfillment. Only pray that regret will not follow. Where is the balance between will and emotion? "[Do not love her.] Make it an act of will." Can one really do that? If I believe that one makes the consious choice as to whether one is happy or not, perhaps I should believe that concious control can have an effect on "desire." So far though, it seems that time and space are better cures than anything else. It dulls the edge off of anything. (Thinking in conjunction with anger/forgiveness, this is also the case... though to take the scab analogy further, ripping it open later might actually hurt more.) The will is not so strong that it can preside absolutely over raw emotion, but to paraphrase Clamp, I suppose we are blessed with forgetfulness. We just have to wait a bit for our cure.
12:08 a.m. Tuesday, November 27, 2001
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I think I've always found forgiveness to be hard. I wish I could do better, as the world is no better for the grudges we bear to feed our fragile pride. But to let go of anger means to acknowledge the hurt it tries to cover up, and ripping off a scab, one bleeds. Lashing out is always easier.
12:00 a.m. Tuesday, November 27, 2001
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And a Belated Happy Birthday to the Lov-er-ly Eeeeka. *^O^*
*HUGZ!*
11:59 p.m. Monday, November 26, 2001
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Just bought the Bridget Jones DVD, so I think I'll commemorate by doing the following in BJ style.
Birthday went superbly. Absolutely marvelous. Highlights. As follows.
1. Advance copy of GLAY's new album arrived on 23rd to be picked up. Ran down to Sino Center before dinner. Hurrah!
2. Too tired on Friday night to celebrate properly (arrived back in HK from Macau at 8pm). So had dinner, cake, etc. at home with family. Then went out for a drink with Evie, as silly to spend whole evening of one's birthday at home. Was going to just sit at Starbuck's, but was full as was Friday night. Went over to Nathan's at the Hyatt and ordered a Kir Royale, as also silly not to have champagne on own birthday. Kir Royale tasted like regular champagne and any taste of any black currant was nonexistent, but let it slide as champagne is point of whole deal and not the black currant. Finished and got up to leave when struck with intense urge to keel over and sleep *right away*. Went home to hug bed, while younger, and thus more vibrant sibling, goes off in search of other friends and amusements.
3. Proper celebration with friends on Saturday night. As was in Macau all week and sleep deprived, planning was lacking. Only trusted that people will have clue and be free for dinner when called at noon the day of. Called. People had clue. Hurrah!
Had dinner at Hanagushi in Lan Kwai Fong (Japanese yakitori grilled things on sticks), then took over a corner of the Starbucks in Soho. Everybody thought I'd lost weight, but stared at all as if they are half mad, since impossible to lose weight while on a project where one would sit for long periods and scarcely move 10 feet in a given day, while still eating generally the same amount. Was much impressed by Ada and Agnes' ability to buy exact right box of crayons (read: stila 12-colour matchbook set -- 9 eye colours and 3 cheek colours) for birthday girl, as birthday girl has stared at said set for many moons but could not possibly justify purchase of MORE!makeup.
Agnes' boyfriend-in-England called, as he always does, on her cell phone. Would have swatted under normal circumstances, but since she is not exactly flaunting her new love, will grant royal pardon. And is kind of sweet. She is going to England for Christmas. Lucky bastard. Karen's flirting got us all free eclairs. Since she's sick of her job anyway, she should take time and write book on "Looking Cute and Getting Your Way: Much More than Batting Your Superlong Eyelashes". And become spokesperson for next big mascara, a la Great Lash and Definicils. Ada said, "This feels like college, going to a coffee place after dinner." Says I, "Cos you're with the crazy chick who hates smokey bars!" Iced mocha (no whipped) adds to intake of milk, thus preventing osteoporosis.
4. Bought self new Sony discman (excuse being old and functional one has been taken over by younger more vibrant sibling). White and very sleek-pop-cute. Now all key electronics are white (discman, MD walkman and cell phone). Am colour coordinated electronics goddess.
In other news, you are indeed busy and important, in manner of JKR or similar. Hmmm... wonder about possibilities of My Little Pony fic though. Can see room for musical number. 2 years after publication, said novel will be adapted to become the biggest thing to hit Broadway and talks for the movie rights will be underway. Platoons of top notch actresses will vie for the parts of Glory and Majesty, and talent search will rival that of Harry Potter and Scarlet O'Hara. Hordes will kiss the ground you walk on. Will be nice.
11:11 p.m. Monday, November 26, 2001
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Happy 23rd November. ^_^;
"I did it! One mile on the hippity hop. That's it! That's everything I've wanted to do before I was 30." -- Phoebe, Friends
I've never really given it much concious thought... *Was* there anything I'd wanted to achieve before I was 25? 25 sounds so friggin' mature, but I'm pretty sure I'm still a gaki. *checks* Yup. ^_^; A friggin' quarter of a century. Damn.
01:04 a.m. Friday, November 23, 2001
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*nebusoku* *nebusoku* *nebusoku*
*notenoughsleep* *notenoughsleep*
*vanillapudding* *pajttpajtt*
Such is my current state. ^_^;
And a belated Happy Birthday here to the Fabulous Miss Kristin O., may the puppies of your life run free and frolick unrestrained and with abandon.
09:39 a.m. Wednesday, November 21, 2001
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For the lucky people in the States: Happy HP Day!! Don't know if its true or not, but rumour has it the Hong Kong HP Day won't be till 20th Dec. We shall see.
It's gotten cold these last couple of days... 15 degrees C, which is winter temperatures for us people in the sub tropics. This is a wet, damp cold, and not the dry, crisp cold of New England and obviously we don't have snow... It feels a bit weird, cos I feel like I've forgotten what it's like to feel winter-cold, damp or otherwise... can't really believe it's time to put the tank tops away. (Yes, I know I have quite the collection, Miss Cloud.) Hey, even when I visited Iowa last week (was it really last week?? feels like a century ago), it was balmy! 70 degree weather! I think I kinda missed winter, esp., for some reason, when I was watching Bridget Jones' Diary a while ago... (I recommend the movie, and both books, btw. *hearts*)
Should sort out my winter clothes soon. New world of wardrobe possibilities, here we go... :P
10:32 p.m. Friday, November 16, 2001
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There are some horribly insane people about, and they shot a package my way.
KYAAAAA~~!!!! You naughty, naughty people!! You are all mad, I tell you, *MAD*!!
(That's: Thanks so much, and I love you guys!!! *^O^*)
01:27 a.m. Wednesday, November 14, 2001
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HP theme! Very nice... esp. with the Seksei vs. blog layouts. *pats the wolf and doggie* And of course, the tie must be undone.
I must also confess I'm obsessed with that astro lab of yours. Must read it again tonight. U fu.
Obsession is a good thing. Yes. Join the club. Here're some sheer white shirts for your band of choice and here's a hose. U fu fu fu fu.
11:43 p.m. Sunday, November 11, 2001
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There! New layout and all. ^_^
Have to go to Macau again starting tomorrow... catching the 7am jetfoil... and I haven't packed... X_X
11:36 p.m. Sunday, November 11, 2001
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