Monday, March 31, 2003

]|[ chalet ]|[

lots to say:

[ chalet ]

1st day - fucking boring ... 2nd day - damn fun. that sums it all up really. coz u see on the first day, i only knew eugene and weiliang and her ... i wasnt familiar with the rest. as a result it wasnt really enjoyable. spent most of the time juz talking and sleeping. it was only on the 2nd day that things started to get better. bbq, those people that i know finally came. i havent seen some in a long time. some even since i graduated from secondary sch in 1999 namely angel, peishan, doreen, fiona, bulldog and the rest... really happy to see them ^_^" on the whole it was okay except for the unfamiliar faces. if not this chalet was a memorable one.

[today is monday!]

and so the weekend was burnt just like that. she came over to my place yesterday and we spent the whole day lazing around and watching tv. we just parted (she went home) coz i had to go service my bike (for inspection) and pay rd tax. but fuck i had no money to pay rd tax n so i guess ill be penalised and have to pay another $100.. fuck man .. im really pissed with LTA but lets not dewll on the subject. but at least all the inspection and all that is passed..

just met kenny and we talked for about an hour at Mac.. then went to pizza hut to get a pizza from Shujun coz he was in a charitable mood (ok maybe i pestered him a bit) not feeling too well though .. dunno why ..

paradox® did not write all tis for nutthin at 05:37 p.m.
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Friday, March 28, 2003

]|[ pissed.. ]|[

i went down to the insurance hq to renew my road tax. its renewed late so i have to pay a surcharge. ok nvm. when i get there i say i wanna renew my road tax.

the lady at the desk tells me that i havent got an inspection cert (given to u when u go for vehicle inspection) and therefore cannot renew today. fuck. ok nvm.

so i call up Land Transport Authority (LTA) and they tell me that i should go for inspection before renewing rd tax. fuck them. coz previously with my previous bike i just had to go down to the post office to renew. this was really getting sucky. oh ya i forgot to whine about not getting the inspection letter...

so nothing can be done

the moral of the story? when you're of age get a life somewhere else in the world that doesnt care so much, is not war torn, does not have sars....hmmm does the south pole qualify? coz it sure sounds good in comparison to what im experiencing now. im mean im really pissed! im not even taking money from u. im giving you money and here you are saying i cant renew it blah blah blah...

so i have to do everything on monday. service my bike, send it for inspection then and only then can i renew my road tax. if its not completed on that day, i face another fine.

oh piss off ......

paradox® did not write all tis for nutthin at 06:52 p.m.
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Thursday, March 27, 2003

]|[ b i t c h i n g ]|[

ok i just realised what a complete bitch i can be at times. i read from someone's blog (cant remember whose) that while we're here in safer places bitching about some unnecessary unimportant thing, someone over in bahgdad is hiding under his little table trying to avoid getting shells in his arse. so unnecessary this whining about some unimportant thing soon becomes and it really is surreal that while we're enjoying, other people are dying and waging a war.

on the other hand closer to home, news has it that primary and secondary schools will be closed from today for 2 weeks..... lucky bastards. oh i havent told u why yet.. the SARS virus. its something to do with the respiratory system. its really scary coz 2 more people died last night.

ok nuff said. i have to finish my report and the whole project by today. no time to waste...take care y'all.

paradox® did not write all tis for nutthin at 10:59 a.m.
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Tuesday, March 25, 2003

]|[ go let it out ]|[

it seems that i have not been blogging with much content lately. i really dont know what's come over me. maybe its bcoz i think too much of every little thing. see, the main reason (or rather 30%) of what im restless over is that i failed my test. i fucking know its only 20% of the overall grade but the main reason is that i really pity myself that i got stuck on this module and had to repeat it. i keep saying that i shouldn't have repeated this and dont deserve this and blah blah blah. so little time left to the exam.

another thing has to do with money. i've to pay my bills, fix my bike, pay rd tax, get essentials, on top of that i still have a life to live dont i. furthermore im not working at the moment. how miserable can that get?

another thing would be my project. ive been slacking so much and so well that i didnt even know i have about 4 more days to hand in my report and project website. im fucked inside out man.

another thing is that i think too much. i think too much of my outlook and things around me, in other words reputation and take to heart what people around me comment. there have been some comments made about some stuff, although not important, but it keeps bugging me, just like a mosquito or rather many mosquitos. theyre not important but they keep bugging you if not, stinging you. im just bothered by the comments made. arghh!!

basically these are the 4 main factors pissing me off and slowly but surely bringing me down. i know im in control but im just lazy. wait maybe lazy is not the word. im still at the comfort zone. too complacent. too unwilling to budge. tsk. good thing shes always by my side, giving me encouragement and words of wisdom even when she's in a tight spot as well. sigh. the irony of life. im happy when im sad. isnt it funny. sounds right yet it doesnt dont it? oh well, forgive my funny writing coz i dont think most of you all know what my past few entries mean. dont worry. i'll bounce back. i just need some encouragement from u guys..

and her of course.. thanks darlin' for understanding...

paradox® did not write all tis for nutthin at 07:22 p.m.
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Sunday, March 23, 2003

]|[ quiz ]|[


You have an entrancing kiss~ the kind that leaves your partner bedazzled and maybe even feeling he/she is dreaming. Quite effective; the kiss that never lessens and always blows your partner away like the first time.

ok i took a quiz and it says i have an "entrancing" kiss.. really, i dont need a quiz to tell me that =X.. but anyhow, im going to be doing more of these quizzes to spice up my blog page and to create more topice for conversation. i can see u people are quite dead huh? ... thats it for now. my knee hurts like hell! its blue black already...

paradox® did not write all tis for nutthin at 10:05 p.m.
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Sunday, March 23, 2003

]|[ soccer star! ]|[

ok i just woke up. didnt go to school yesterday. it was our one month anniversary together. happy 1 month dearie! hope there'll be many more to come. when im with you it seems that nothing else matters and i love u.

that mushy stuff said, i woke up late yesterday and met her at around 5+ we went to the Esplanade, Suntec City, Marina Square (thanks for the drinks fadzil), City Link Mall and Raffles City. basically we were just walking around the whole of that area. went to marina south for a while before going to changi airport. all my saturdays now are so well spent! im really happy. its just an indescribable feeling when im with her....

i cant believe it! i actually remembered my dream! how ironic as well coz i dreamt that i was playing for manchester united and assisted my team mate to a beautiful goal. LAME rite? but really it was so real! and incidentally Man Utd WON!! top of the table for them while ARSEnal got kicked out of the champions league! yippiez.. isnt life wonderful....

[ update 20.56 ]

i injured my frickin foot and knee. some bastard went to purposely knee me coz i was 'playing rough' or so they say. anyway fu*k that. legs are tired after playing soccer. there weren't many people today but im glad i played coz im gaining some pounds! seriously. its been like 2 months since i last played with the guys. okay. going to do some reading now. tata

paradox® did not write all tis for nutthin at 01:51 p.m.
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Friday, March 21, 2003

]|[ cookie monster hungry ]|[

i know how he feels coz im really hungry right now. u might be asking why dont i go eat. problem is im waiting for jackson to call and im in my com lab now.

just having deep thoughts now coz of this solitude. i bet no one else is on this level. i can only hear the typing of my keyboard and the humming of the air-con. its cold, no doubt but i've grown accustomed to it. thoughts, yes they come to us all the time. sometimes few, (especially during exams) sometimes many. but right now im thinking of the guys. i havent met up with them in quite sometime. i do miss them yes, but somehow, we seem further apart than before. i dont know why. i just wish they all had blogs so we'd all knew what was going on with each other all the time. tsk! the problem with our group is that everyone's lazy. fuck that. but it really is. an example would be promising to go overseas for a holiday. it never really did happen. then there comes the organising. no one wants to organise because everyone will ask if everyone else is going and giv the 'i'll call u later' tone.. so much for bitchin' but i really have to give it to the girls coz when they organise something, it really mostly turns out great good.

anyway later i may be going to Mhd Sultan (Olivia, why dont u pick up when i call u tsk!) but i guess i'll stop by Orchard to get something first. my tummy's rumbling. gtg bye!

paradox® did not write all tis for nutthin at 07:34 p.m.
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Thursday, March 20, 2003

]|[ finally! ]|[

at last my blog looks the way i want it to look... or maybe not exactly as how i want it to look but i find it better from the old layout. anyway there have been a few things going on since i last blogged on monday. for one there's the new 'mystery virus', i failed very badly for my common test, i have 2 more weeks in this project lab, im tired, i finished my new layout(if u didnt notice already), im broke, then theres oh ya how could i forget... war started today. i find that war was inevitable and bush, though could've avoided war, thought he did the right thing by settling this once and for all (which i also think is the right thing). is the world coming to an end? only time will tell. right now my main concern is that im real bogged down coz i have to study real hard for my module so i can pass. FUCK! actually im real pissed that i failed this module in the first place. but that's not the point isnt it? i just have to try harder and stop procrastinating. there is really a whole truckload of thoughts on my mind now. i have no idea how to express myself now on how i feel. just a little bit relieved that the new layout is done. so many things to do, so little time.....take care of yourselves .. comments? keep 'em coming

paradox® did not write all tis for nutthin at 06:26 p.m.
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Wednesday, March 18, 2003

]|[ last straw ]|[

or rather last stick in this case....i've decided to quit smoking. yes. i know you've heard but this time im so sure its true! hehe.. arent you all happy for me? hmmm??

boy, these past few days have been quite hectic for me. hectic in a sense that i have had no time to update my blog. ive been real busy with the layout as u can see..but here's a summary as to wat ive been doing since sat.

sat - went to sunset bay with her. i enjoyed myself thoroughly. had school in the morning. then went to fetch her. we reached sentosa at around 1+. quite early considering the fact that our group always reaches at around 2-3+ it was really sunny. a very good day for tanning i must say. thats just what we did. went to the island in between sunset bay and siloso beach. the sand on that island is soooo fine and white! we got ourselves tanned and talked about alot of things. time always seems to pass as slow as lightning strikes when we are together. before we knew it the sun had set. we set out to rollerblade. we didnt know where we were going and ended up at the musical fountain! it was the first time in a long time that i have been to the musical fountain (since i was a kid) its changed so much. after that we walked back to the beach to bathe and go out of sentosa at around 9.30. had dinner at tiong bahru market then went to Madam Wong's ii. Went to jack's house to stay and i had work the next day ...

working on sunday was a real pain in the a$$. i was tired and not feeling very well. but a job is a job and you have responsibility so i dragged myself to work.



paradox® did not write all tis for nutthin at 1.21 p.m.
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Saturday, March 15, 2003

]|[ boycott xanga ]|[

dear readers, fight with me, the xanga revolution. boycott xanga! Geez... xanga really does not promote creative websites but instead, the same monotonous layout where no one is interested to change. what's up with having to be a member just so that you can add comments? thats total bullsh*t. can anyone feel my angst? i may blog a few hundred paragraphs like this and still no one understands. why? because xanga has turned you all into mindless fools. there ive sparked a topic to be debated on. go on, scold me in the tag board. u *censoredcensoredcensoredcensored*

[ vanilla coke ]

had a sip of vanilla coke and it was fantastic. even my mum who hasn't had coke in ages actually bought the bottle without needing my assistance of helping her put it in the shopping trolley. for those of you who havent tried it, go get it!!

[ yesterday ]

how unusual yesterday. i mentioned that i had to go to com center for some sort of training cum briefing. after it ended i felt that there wasnt time to go bbdc so i wanted to find a place to sit down and read my book. she got it for me (so sweet) so where better a place to go than starbucks? i thought of my friend aisyah who's working there and called her. she apparently was nearby so i met up with her. she gave me free coffee (another sweetie) which was absolutely perfect (mocha rumba) there, i also found out that my old friend, eugene was working there also. so we asked him to come down. he took quite a while but eventually he made it down. made some new biker friends from starbucks as well. one of them is from my sch! it really is a small world. anyway they're all going to sentosa today. hope to meet up with them for awhile. hey thanks aisyah for the drink =)

feeling kinda sleepy now. i have no mood whatsoever to do anything. i want to see her. theres a saying "its ok for girl to meet boy in park but not ok for boy to park meat in girl" err ..*ahem* sorry wrong one... theres a saying "distance makes the heart grow fonder" yeah my a$$ it grows. i havent seen her for 2 days and i just find myself missing her alot. good thing we have the whole day to ourselves later. hey if you all wanna come find us in sentosa be my guest. gimme a ring alrite? im going to mac to eat now. (im in school btw) yes... we do have to come back on saturday.

paradox® did not write all tis for nutthin at 09:32 a.m.
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Friday, March 14, 2003

]|[ i need a new phone! ]|[

i really dont think my handphone can survive much longer. but i really must say what a wonderful phone it is/has been/was. btw if ya dont know what im using, its the 8310. im really thinking of getting the 7650 but jane sayz its too bulky for me. sigh. girls... hehe

just got a call from May (my agent) she has a job for me on sunday. $8/hr. not bad. so i guess im working. had plans to go to bbdc later but there's this training for the job later on. tomorrow's saturday. im going to sunsetbay with her. its been 2 mths since ive gone. im real excited!

lastly one of my computers are lagging big time. gotta get it fixed but my schedule this week is totally packed! what to do? oh well.. might as well quit whining and get going.. cya guys.

paradox® did not write all tis for nutthin at 02:05 p.m.
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Thursday, March 13, 2003

]|[ blank ]|[

okay i had so much to say a minute ago but i dunno why once i logged on to the entry page im stuck for words. ok but in the mean time just to let ya all know that the new poll is up so do go and vote ok? also if you noticed, a new counter is up on my site. isnt the robot cute?? -___-"

so... what did i do yesternight? i followed shujun down to singapore poly to view a bike. he was browsing thru the yahoo classifieds when he saw this fabulous deal for a vespa. so he called the guy and it turned out that he was this lecturer from the school. how interesting. anyway we got there just in time coz when we reached the place, it started to rain. had something to eat at the canteen there.

went m'sia at night to pump petrol, buy some cigs and get some food for the guys. they were studying at bengs house so i thought wouldnt it be nice of me to get something for them to eat (yeah i noe so fatherly hehe) needless to say jane was there too. she was tired so i let her sleep but not without disturbing her for a while first. fetched her to bbdc in the morning before being late for school again *sighz* oh ya.. fuck i think i got caught by the red light camera for speeding. damnit. im pissed. haha i know i dont sound that way now but i am .. oh nevermind..

kassim (my project supervisor) came to see me regarding my attendance (it had to be sooner or later) i really thank God hes so understanding and supportive.. really. BEST lecturer in sing-ka-por and jb =) its my lunch break right now but im not hungry. yeah ive been thinking again (hey if u guys are bored already then u can skip this) but somehow i find eminem lyrics quite meaningful. like cleaning out my closet. ill paste the lyrics later. come to think of it most songs have meaningful lyrics. its just that we tend not to listen to the lyrics but to the tune instead. dont mind me if ya dont know what im talking about.

[ EMIN3M ]

[Verse #1]
Have you ever been hated, or discriminated against? I have, I've been protested and demostrated against Picket signs for my wickid rhymes, look at the times Sick of this mind, of the mother fucking kid that's behind All this commotion, emotions run deep as oceans exploding Tempers flaring from parents just blow em off and keep going Not taking nothing from no one, give em hell long as I'm breathing Keep kicking ass in the morning, and taking names in the evening Leaving with the taste of sour with viniger in they mouth See they can trigger me, but they'll never figure me out Look at me now, I betcha prolly sick of me now Ain't you mama, I'ma make you look so ridiculous now

[Chorus x2]
I'm sorry mama I never meant to hurt you I never meant make you cry But tonight, I'm cleaning out my closet One More Time I'm sorry mama I never meant to hurt you I never meant make you cry But tonight, I'm cleaning out my closet Ha!

[Verse #2]
I got some skeletons in my closet And I dont know if no one knows it So before they throw me inside my coffin and close it I'ma expose it, I'll take you back to '73 Before I ever had a multi-platinum selling CD I was a baby maybe I was just a couple of months My faggot father must've had his panties up in a bunch 'Cause he split, I wonder if he even kissed me goodbye No I don't, on second thought I just fucking wished he would die I look at Hailey, and I couldn't picture leaving her side Even if I hated Kim, I grin my teeth and I try to make it work With her atleast for Hailie's sake I maybe made some mistakes But I'm only human but I'm man enough to face them today What I did was stupid, no doubt it was dumb But the smartest shit I did was take the bullets outta that gun Cause I'd of killed em, shit I would've shot Kim and them both It's my life, I'd like to welcome ya'll to the Eminem show

[Chorus x2]

[Verse #3]
Now I would never diss my own mama just to get recognition Take a second to listen for who you think this record is dissing But put yourself in my position, just try to invision Witnessing your mama popping prescription pills in the kitchen Bitching that someone's always going through her purse when shit's missing Going through public housing systems, victim of munchasen syndrome My whole life I was made to believe I was sick when I wasn't 'Til I grew up, now I blew up it makes you sick to your stomach, doesn't it? Wasn't it the reason you made that CD for me, ma? So you could try to justify the way you treated me, ma? But guess what, your getting older now and it's cold when your lonely And Nathan's growing up so quick he's gonna know that your phoney And Hailie's getting so big now, you should see her, she's beautiful But you'll never see her, she wont even be at your funeral See what hurts me the most, is you wont admit you was wrong Bitch, do your song, keep telling yourself that you was a mum But how dare you try to take what you didn't help me to get You selfish bitch, I hope you fucking burn in hell for this shit! Remember when Ronnie died and you said you wished it was me? Well guess what, I am dead, dead to you as can be


even with such xplicit lyrics, the guy still makes

paradox® did not write all tis for nutthin at 12:58 p.m.
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Wednesday, March 12, 2003

]|[ forever young ]|[

i was thinkin last nite about what i used to do when i was small. play soccer, go to the playground, watch cartoons, lazing around in the afternoon, playing catching. so many things. i kinda miss those days. now life seems so hectic as i grow older. more bills to pay, more responsibility, the need to behave in public (!?! what am i saying?). anyhow, wouldnt it be nice to stay forever young? no worries, so carefree. i really missed those days, especially where i used to stay which was dover crescent. i moved out with my family to woodlands but although this place is way bigger than the previous one, i prefer the house at dover more. for one was location. but the best thing was that i was staying on the 23rd floor. from my place, i could see the cable cars at sentosa, i could see ck tangs and taka. i could see the west coast skyline and most importantly, the setting sun every evening. i used to wait at my window and watch the sun slowly go down. i can tell u not many people get to see that everyday. since i was staying on a high floor, there was no blockage by other flats and so our place was also very windy. it was not situated near the road thus making it quiet. the view was also far. at night when i couldnt sleep i would just peer out of the bedroom window. i could stare for hours. the view was just so scenic. there were also a few times where i saw shooting stars (im not kidding) childhood memories those are to me. always they will stay. now even more, as i blog this down ...

[ what i did today and yesterday ]

first and foremost, i changed the chat board from tag-board to zonkboard. tis is bcoz tag-board's url is filtered out by our school admin. so making it damn frickin' irritating when i wanna read a post or wanna post sthg. ok enough of that. you must be wondering wat ive been doing for the past two days. well on monday after school, i went to clementi to meet up with beng. he failed his tp. actually not failed but rather didnt go. but you also cant put it as he didnt go coz he went. so wat actually happened was a combo of waking up late and taking his time. yes procrastination. everyone's guilty of it. really, i always find myself procrastinating as well. it really is a bad habit but slowly im getting rid of it =) tough luck dude. im sure ull pass the next time!

yesterday i didnt go to school coz i was frickin tired. so got up at around 2+ i started to clean my room. it was raining and my darlin was drenched in the rain. i went to meet her. it was a damn unlucky day for her in more ways than one..shant elaborate thou'. followed her hom to change. then she had to go to work. brought beng to look at helmets at ah boy then we went to bugis to play arcade. he left for his redmoon gathering (LoL) bought something for jane coz she was feeling quite down. loitered around bugis for a while before going home.. what a day.. so tiring..

paradox® did not write all tis for nutthin at 2:37 p.m.
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Monday, March 10, 2003

]|[ common test ]|[

there's a test later and i havent studied at all. shit. but nvm. i always fail the common test and pass the exam! =) better not let any lecturer see tis ... ok was in town on saturday. before that as usual i was in school. met jane and we went window shopping. xiu and jack were working that day in wisma promoting contact lenses. had lunch with them then after that we walked around some more. it was raining that day. had marche for dinner and later we met the guys at mechmaster.
fuck. i lost everyone in billards that day! can u believe it???? ^$$#%^$%@!. was kinda pissed really but didnt show it coz it was a long time (probably 3 weeks or more) since i had some 'quality time' with the guys. was around 3am when we finished playing so the guys went home. jane and i decided to grab sthg to eat. well.. actually jane decided. thats coz i had too much to eat at marche. =)
after that we wanted to go to the lounge at marina mandrin hotel but apparently it was closed. let me tell u that the manager at the hotel there is a bastard child. (pardon my french) but he really is.. we were dressed kinda sloppily so he used the 'im richer than u and u have no money so go piss off' kinda look to talk to us and didnt even allow us to use his precious little hotel toilet, claiming that it was 'closed'.. fuck yeah its closed. so wat if u wanna go take a leak? where do u go mr manager? ok lah this is really some anger filled entry. i sha'nt dwell on the subject
yesterday (sunday) was a lazy day for me. slept till late (i think about 4) then went to woodlands library to study. couldnt find a place there so. i met carrin at khatib mac. couldnt really study much so i left the place at around 10 to go find jane..
so now here i am blogging. i feel kinda stressed coz theres my test later.. guess i gotta go now ..be good now ya hear?

[ thoughts | finished my test =) ]

reading through some of my friends' entries in their blogs, ive realised that we all are really growing up! fuck im like 21 this year and i really havent planned for the future. i really am quite stressed althought they say that there will be alot of time to think about it in the army. but my dad has asked me for the umpteenth time on what i would like to do after poly and army and the same answer i reply him is "i dont know" he thinks that i really dont know or something but the fact is i really have a communication problem with my dad and mum, no matter how good they treat me. im mostly stoned faced at home, such a contrast to when im outside with my friends, making them laugh all the time. *sighz* this really bugs/has been bugging me for a hell of a long time. i really cant do much about it though. maybe its because i havent tried as hard yet. eventually i hope to. maybe army will change me. maybe... for now, i shall not veer off the main subject of deciding what to do when i finish school and army.

for one thing i'd really like to start my own business but that requires savings. which would require me to do abit of working first. the best option you would say would be to sign on. instant, plentiful cash. yeah. maybe that would be it. but when the time comes after my contract is up, id be in my late 20s already. what if by then i decide not to go do my business? would'nt i be taking a drastic pay cut? furthermore i dont think everything would be smooth sailing through army. fuck. so many what ifs. really, our life is full of decisions. we falter along the way but ask youself, are you reall prepared to falter when you make a big decision in your life? can you take the consequences? its really bugging me.. fuck man i need some time off ...

[ avril ]

I'm Standing on a bridge I'm waitin in the dark I thought that you'd be here by now Theres nothing but the rain No footsteps on the ground I'm listening but theres no sound

Isn't anyone tryin to find me? Won't someone please take me home It's a damn cold night Trying to figure out this life Wont you take me by the hand take me somewhere new I dont know who you are but I'm, I'm with you

im looking for a place searching for a face is there anybody here i know cause nothings going right and everythigns a mess and no one likes to be alone

Isn't anyone tryin to find me? Won't someone please take me home It's a damn cold night Trying to figure out this life Wont you take me by the hand take me somewhere new I dont know who you are but I'm, I'm with you

oh why is everything so confusing maybe I'm just out of my mind yea yea yea

It's a damn cold night Trying to figure out this life Wont you take me by the hand take me somewhere new I dont know who you are but I'm, I'm with you

Take me by the hand take me somewhere new I dont know who you are but I'm, I'm with you I'm with you

paradox® did not write all tis for nutthin at 4.25 p.m.
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Friday, March 7, 2003

]|[ exam "stress" ]|[

okay... exams are around the corner. exam is around the corner. tats bcoz' i only hav one paper. how unlucky for me to fail last semster. if not i wouldnt have to be coming back to school now. i'd be having my attachment by now. its friday today and i havent started studying for my paper, which is on monday. this worries me but i cant do much about it. u see, im the last minute type of person that will go enjoy 1st before working. damn.
right now im tired as usual, same routine every morning. reach school. sign in, check mail, update blog, talk abit of cock to everyone, irritate everyone.... before i know it, its tea break time. go have mac breakfast and come back much later than the stipulated time given for any tea break. relac a while and its lunch. go out for lunch then come back then start to get going.. haha. hey bt i do do Overtime ya noe? there was this one time where i stayed all the way till 11! i should get paid man ..
i feel like studying now though. but i really dont know what to study. guess i'll wait for tiffany to come in the afternoon to teach me. i also feel like changing the layout of this page... hmmm... any suggestions? comments go to the tag-board... thanks..

paradox® did not write all tis for nutthin at 08:58 a.m.
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Thursday, March 6, 2003

]|[ change ]|[

Ive been thinking about a few stuff lately…. Why do people change? This has been on my mind sometimes. Like when people say they won’t change or never change. A few years down the road, things might not go their way. Maybe that will prompt for change. Or things that do not appeal anymore to that person will cause change. Why then do people make promises then? Is the future that uncertain that nothing can last forever? Maybe one of the factors that cause change would be the influence a person gets from his peers and surroundings. I feel that how much control one has had over change can affect how the person responds to it and also if he/she has had involvement in making the change also contributes to it. Most importantly for me is how the person interacts with a change is how one views change. The more they value what is changing, the greater the sense of loss they will experience. ive seen couples that were together for the longest of times, split apart. Promising to love each other forever, hating each other’s guts out in the end. Why then be together in the fist place? Lust? Impulse? Maybe, maybe not. What I feel now is that most people won’t be contented with what they have but instead want more and more. ‘Forever’. Does that word really exist? There are just so many thoughts that I have right now. Im bored u see. I felt that I should write all this down. Is the saying really true that the only constant in today’s world is change? ……

paradox® did not write all tis for nutthin at 08:56 a.m.
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Tuesday, March 4, 2003

]|[ mrt woes ]|[

alrite, me and the mrt dont really get along very well. always when i take the mrt something cocks up. its been 3 times already!!! yesterday fadzil came back for a while just to submit his MC only! tat ass has 2 wks off sch. lucky bastard. im scared that ill get chicken pox! anyway it was raining heavily yesterday so i couldnt ride home. decided to buy dinner for jane at bugis so i did just that. i was on the train home (parked my bike in sch) when suddenly the announcement said that there had been "an incident" on the next train. so i though ok nvm its going to be quick. but after 20 mins of 'quick' waiting at yio chu kang mrt station, i got pretty agitated. so i decided to go back to school to get my helmet. (taxi stand had a queue longer than macdonalds selling hello kitty) i went back without much hope coz it was late already and furthermore it was holiday week in school. no one could be there...except mr teo i thought. waddaya know. he was there after all. =) he helped me open the room door so i could take my helmet and i was on my way home already. so f***ing tiring. so i reach home and talk on icq with joanne, lina and alvin. havent seen joanne in a long time. i miss u girl! lina's asking my help in making a web page and alvins having his test maybe even as i type this. gd luck bro.
tsk. im really tired right now. it seems i've been getting less sleep recently. and im geting sick easily too. fuck since when was i so weak? LoLz ..

[ latest ]

u guys wanted a look at wat i was doing for my project rite? well... here it is... looks very easy to draw but it took me about 4 mths to do everything... + abit of slacking lah! hehe. i did a page on it. click here to see a write up and more detailed pics..



paradox® did not write all tis for nutthin at 05:41 p.m.
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Monday, March 3, 2003

]|[ can't frickin' log in ]|[

its early. i only had 4 hrs of sleep last nite after toking to jane. parents came back. =) for once, my mum finally bought a souvenir that i like! a pair of ripcurl boardshorts kee.. but nowadays we guys seldom go to the beach .. i really miss those days.. *thinks back* i think i havent gone for a month already. anyways, back to reality.. it was just about going to strike 10pm last nite and i was about to strike my bed when suddenly i felt that i missed jane alot so i what else could i do but go down n look for her. (besides, there was a man utd match and beng and kevin were there as well but keep it to yourself) so i went down. mind u woodlands to bugis isnt very near. -__-" okay i'll quit complainin'. so it was about 2 that i got home. we talked till 4 and that was when i was really quite in lala land already and was starting to talk to myself (u know when you're ultra sleepy then when people ask u something and u reply another thing thats way off topic and totally irrelevant) yup thats how i felt/feel .... till now.
so now im in my lab. guess what? i cant bloody sign in coz the computer says "your account has EXPIRED" so i think WTF! right now i can give u just about 8 lame reasons why its expired but i wont bother.. maybe one would be my attendance is too good? or my compy doesnt like me anymore? nvm u wont understand wat im saying anyway. so since i cant log in, i cant upload the files that ive worked on, and since i cant do that, i wouldnt be able to print them out. not being able to print them out would directly result in me being not able to do anything. so anyfuck im screwed. AGAIN! *argghhh* thanks for listening though =)
PS: i just found out that the admin staff in this laff found out we were using the tag-board. so much for having fun. see what it says when the tag-board loads in my school -
"Forbidden
You were denied access because:
Access denied by SmartFilter content category. The requested URL belongs to the following category: Chat."
this really pisses me off man ..Ok its 10. im hungry. break time. Laterz...

paradox® did not write all tis for nutthin at 09:43 a.m.
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Sunday, March 2, 2003

]|[ deja vu ]|[

guess where i am now?...................the same place i was 24 hrs ago. bengs house! hohoho. woke up at about 8pm after getting home from school at 1++. Jane was quite pissed that im a pig... its not my fault dear... woke up and packed my place then went to her place to pick her up. we went to catch about schdmit at plaza sing. not a bad show at all.. the guys were at zouk but i didnt go. anyway after that called beng and decided to meet him. eugene came over from zouk and we met at shell to get some cigs and alcohol. talked for a while before going over to his place. here i am again mixing music. they (3 of them) are playing dai dee (big 2) with fucking ridiculuous forefits. LoL. jane just ate a raw egg =x but my dear's the most sporting ya? im going to join them soon just after i write this entry and burn some cds.. this is really the happiest point of my life...

paradox® did not write all tis for nutthin at 05:48 a.m.
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Saturday, March 01, 2003

]|[ late again ]|[

Okay. Im dead. My attendence has hit an all time chart topping record high of 21.4% which equals to “you can get kicked out of school” grade. Im screwed! Not to mention tired. No that would be an understatement. How im feeling now would be the sum of all my tireds combined together. I haven’t slept yet. You know yesterday I mentioned that I would not be going to meet up for ivy’s birthday? Yeah well, I lied. I went. Ktv at Chinatown. Ok nvm After that we still went to play billards at bkt timah mechmaster till 3+ n still had supper after that. All this still nevermind. Went to bengs house with jane and chatted n stuff. i mixed some songs but didnt record them. quite nice actually.. kee. Eventually fell asleep on her lap while toking to beng. Guess they didn’t sleep at all. Ok fast forward to 8.30 beng wakes me up. Sleepy face. Small eyes. Yawns. Beng’s late for school or rather test. And I am late for school as well. We get up (pretty fast I should say considering the amount of sleep we've had and the time we take to get up usually). so i manage to reach school on time .. well almost. missed being early by 10 mins. result? getting barked at by the lab supervisor so early in the morning. that really sucked.. big time.. anyways jane was so sweet. tsk. she helped me to get some very nice liquor bottles to add to my collection. i love u darlin'. that sore throat of mine is recurring. damn i gotta smoke less...

[ wishlist ]

in case any of u forgot my birthday is coming in exactly 141 days so if you really go figure it out, saving around $5 a day would give u enough money to get me one of these. feeling charitable? donate to me then .. =)



[ archives ]

in case anyone didnt know... the older entries are at the archive. and no the leprechaun didnt steal them..

[ plans for later ]

my dearie is working later so i guess i'll be at home. i think they wanna go sunset bay today but it'll be a definite 'pass' for me.. firstly, mum n dad are coming back tomorrow after taking the whole fucking month of februrary off going to visit my sister at her place in sydney. im sooo happy. finally there are other life forms coming back to inhabit my home besides jane and i. someone else to do the cooking and laundry =X no but im really glad that they're coming back. i miss them so badly (even though while 5000km+ away and mum still nags over the phone) but really its been so long (1 mth +) since i saw them. *smiles* so its settled then. im going to stay at home n do some spring cleaning~ u guys enjoy
comments anyone?

paradox® did not write all tis for nutthin at 10:39 a.m.
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