. Saturday, September 15, 2001... np: Time Machine [live] - Chara I'm tired. This week has been hell for almost everyone. And I'm tired. I wish I wasn't sick, because honestly all I want to do is get together with my friends and get out of the house. I went out today with 'Kaasan and John in the hope of getting away from the TV and internet and everything else, only to go to the relatives' place to have another heated discussion in front of their TV, and for my mother to lose her temper and start yelling how we should bomb them all and let God sort out the bad from the good. I doubt she means it. Of course, since she called my father for the first time in God knows when (his email comes out of the Pentagon so...) and his assumed wife picked up...I don't really blame her for letting her anger out in various ways. I shut my heart off where my father is concerned a long time ago. He only hit me once, and in that one moment I knew I'd never get close enough for him to do it again, physically or emotionally- and after he took the hint after a few distasters, he's cooperated nicely by not communicating these past three years. But he can still hurt 'Kaasan even now, because of course she knew the woman and she hates knowing that he was cheating on her with someone she knew. I'm not expecting this following week to be happiness and light. But I hope it's somewhat better for everyone deshou. .....Meimi found a three-leaf clover @ 09:19 p.m. Saturday, September 15, 2001... np: Try to Wish~kimi ni hitsuyou na mono Day back at school was hell. My medicine decided not to work anymore, and I ran out of tissues by fourth period. Thus my simple cold turned into the worst head cold of my life; my head was filled with gunk at every nook and cranny that gunk could fit. My teeth ached. o_o Then on the way to 'Kaasan, I was so miserable over feeling badly and since John laughed when I told him about freaking out when Aniki came home, I burst into tears. Again. This is so, so bad for my cold. Got to 'Kaasan and she found me looking unspeakably awful- a red-eyed, sniffling, sobbing, sick mess. And I didn't expect school to be full of idiots about the whole event, but...I tried to write it out but couldn't. In any case, if you haven't even watched the news because you were "just too busy all week", do me a favor and shut up. Unbelievable. .....Meimi found a three-leaf clover @ 12:38 p.m. Thursday, September 13, 2001... I'm going to bed. Back to school tomorrow. Funny; I haven't been worried lately in the slightest about what I missed. I've been so exhausted that I haven't had the energy to study. Shi-chan...I'm so sorry. You're in my prayers. .....Meimi found a three-leaf clover @ 09:04 p.m. Thursday, September 13, 2001... Right. Despite a desire to strangle Aniki which probably isn't going to stop anytime this week (damnit, he SCARED me!), I feel better. Shinpai shite kureta hito, arigatou. Mika and one of her friends are starting a project for artists to sell their art on eBay, for donations to the Red Cross. Anyone who'd like to get involved, email Mika. I feel so much better just by having something to do. .....Meimi found a three-leaf clover @ 07:01 p.m. Thursday, September 13, 2001... ............ As if I'm not feeling FUCKING PARANOID ENOUGH already. I was sitting up here in my room on my bed and heard the front door open. Shut. Nobody calls out and says, "I'm home," as usual. I peek outside the window. No car outside. My mom is at open house for school and will not be home till nine. John and Aniki went to Santa Clara for Aniki to have surgery on the cyst near his ear and left at noon, saying, "We won't be home till around eight." 'Neesan would have most certainly called if she wanted to come home two days early. What the HELL was I SUPPOSED to think?! I went, "Fuck. All the fucking crazy people are letting loose on the world at once. Someone just broke into the fucking house." And dove into my closet, praying to hear the door shut again. I was terrified, and Winamp was still going and I was so scared someone would hear it and know I was upstairs, but didn't dare walk out of the closet to turn it off. Lum no Love Song was playing through the entire thing, in another event that would be funny if it only...wasn't. Of course things went faster than expected or they told me the wrong time or something, because naturally Aniki was sitting in front of the TV in bandages, John having dropped him off at home and left to get medicine. If I hadn't been so relieved that it was him, and if he hadn't looked so pathetic with bandages wrapped around his head, I would have hit him. He, of course, was completely unapologetic since he'd had a piece of his ear chopped off and sewed back on and anyway I don't think he took me seriously when I said I thought someone broke in, and I am being completely unsympathetic at the moment since I thought I was going to be attacked or something and all he had to do was say, "Hey, I'm home". Fuck. I'm crying again. .....Meimi found a three-leaf clover @ 05:02 p.m. Wednesday, September 12, 2001... I don't feel empty anymore. My God. I was talking to so many people at once, still with the regular are-you-okay bits being delivered numbly and I just suddenly burst inside. I hadn't been able to really cry yet and since I broke I haven't stopped. It hit me. God. I can't stop crying. Things were apparently worse for my family than I was told yesterday. At first we thought, "Oh, the only people we know who live in Manhattan are my uncle, aunt, and the baby, and they're all safe." But we lived in PA in a place close enough that lots of people my family knew commuted. My grandparents were good friends with one of the pilots of the plane. 'Kaasan was talking to my grandmother on the phone last night and my grandmother gasped as they showed the photo of the pilot, "Oh, no. We KNOW him." He was a neighbor of theirs, I believe. My mother's cousin worked in the first tower. She was lucky and got out safely before it collapsed, but it's very possible she was the only one left alive on her floor. Relatives say she'll never be the same again. Another friend of the family had her fiancee on the Boston flight. My uncle was at a business meeting across the river. He saw the towers collapse from their window and had a nervous breakdown. He was tranquilized out of his mind at last check. Except for my uncle, I didn't know these people (I've probably met them but don't remember) but my mother does and she says there'll be almost definitely more people we know as the numbers come in, and I just absolutely...broke. I've been sitting here in front of the screen talking to people and I'm losing it. This has absolutely never happened to me ever, and I just can NOT stop crying for all the people who died and how everyone wants to duck when a plane flies overhead and for all my friends who I just desperately want to be okay and I want some sort of guarantee that everybody can stay okay. Thank God for Mika and Shannako. Thank you both so much. *breathes* And thank you a million times for just calming me down now. God. I've never done that before. I've...nevermind. I don't feel like I'm going to split in two anymore, and my nerves are not the twisted rubber band ball bouncing off the walls. Much. I'm not going to school tomorrow. I already told my mom so. I just made my cold ten times worse by crying, and since I didn't sleep last night I need to make it up tonight if at all possible. God. That was scary. Mika, I'll definitely talk to you tomorrow, and Shannako, thank you so so much. I'm going to go collapse into bed. I'm finally so tired that nothing's keeping me awake, even that nightmarish fear of whatever happened last night. .....Meimi found a three-leaf clover @ 08:36 p.m. Wednesday, September 12, 2001... I ended up staying home from school because of my cold. Will probably go watch the news for another hour or so; though at last check things were dissolving into random finger-pointing. I don't know what I was expecting, because the fact that other Americans are looking for a scapegoat when we have no idea what's going on yet- well, it doesn't shock me, but it does sicken me that with so many suffering so much, people are ready to make more trouble for innocents. Hypocrites. And the "Saw it coming." "They deserved it." Damnit, nobody deserves this. If another 'twist of fate' killed those people's family and friends in an hour's time for one person's cause, then they wouldn't be laughing over it. No, the world is not safe. Yes, the world does suck at times, no matter where the hell you live in it. But this is not the kind of reminder that should be needed. But as much as the world may seem screwed ten times over at the moment, there are still kind people out there. There are people helping. No matter how bad things seem, people are still loving, still offering their time and their blood, still trying to make a difference. I really do believe that no matter how bleak things get, in the end the bad things and the good things should all balance out. Because people are like that too. I'm not saying that anyone or anyplace in this world is pure, because it isn't. I'm just another spoiled brat who busies herself with whether-I'll-pass-that-test or why-doesn't-this-friend-like-me-anymore and the rest of the typical spoiled-brat high school melodrama. But this really shook everybody, and I'll keep praying from now on, there'll be good things on the way to start trying to balance things out. .....Meimi found a three-leaf clover @ 12:28 p.m. Wednesday, September 12, 2001... I don't even know if I'm going to sleep. I tried around eleven, and I think I might have fallen asleep and had a fever nightmare. I don't remember it if I did, honestly I don't even know if I was asleep in the first place- I just sat up shaking and twisted in my sheets; steadying myself against my bedtable. I officially have Ali's cold, so if I didn't feel like crap already, I feel twice as worse now. Les called around eight tonight, and I was really suprised how...well, she and Ali couldn't have been much more supergenki. It was are you guys okay, yeah we are, and then fangirlish cackles went on as usual. I have no idea how I feel about that, but as I understand that Ali was freaked out this morning beyond belief for Lee's sake (who knows where he even is) it was probably for the best. I still feel...empty. I'm praying for everyone who's been affected by all this, but I'm still kind of strangely numb about the whole issue. I'm probably not going to sleep tonight- I'm up for good, I think. I'm rereading A Ring of Endless Light by Madeline L'Engle and it seems strangely just the thing I want to be reading right now. I'm going to drift off and attempt to sleep or whatever. .....Meimi found a three-leaf clover @ 02:24 a.m. Tuesday, September 11, 2001... I actually fell asleep right after I got offline this morning. I slept most of the day and woke up when 'Kaasan called; just in time to hear about the possible missle explosion or whatever it is. My aunt and the baby got safely out of the city, and her entire side of the family is all in their vacation house on the island. My uncle, it seems, was in Cali to photograph the Emmys- which have been canceled. I really hope he drives up to stay with us- I just kind of want everybody here and accounted for. Aniki and I stayed home all day, at least one of us glued to the TV the whole time. I came downstairs and found him watching it, and he said, "You almost wanna turn it off. But look." He clicked the remote, and sure enough it was on every channel. Everyone is either frightened or angry, and there's nobody to turn to to make it better. If people aren't either one, then they're fucking idiots- like Jin, I've been in shock at some people's reactions to this. Of course the mind wants to register this entire event as something out of the newest movie blockbuster hit with super-amazing special effects. But it's NOT. And some people have been treating it as such; actually entertained by the fact that wow, the towers blew up, did you hear? with no regard for the thousands of people who were killed. It's disgusting. It seems like everybody I know is located in a place declared especially dangerous. Everyone, please stay safe. .....Meimi found a three-leaf clover @ 03:56 p.m. Tuesday, September 11, 2001... np: Hands - Jewel 'Kaasan shook me awake this morning and said, "Everyone in our family is okay, but it looks like the country might be going to war." I stumbled out of bed down to the TV in my parents' room, and watched as the towers collapsed. 'Kaasan had already called my grandparents and New York- thank God my aunt and the baby are okay, and apparently my uncle was in LA assumedly at a photo shoot. I wonder if he'll be driving up to stay with us; seeing as how the aiports shut down... And I live about ten miles away from Monterey. 'Kaasan had a screaming fit at the TV as they announced that "many important government officials were stuck in Monterey, California seeking a flight out", screaming that there was no REASON why the hell they had to SAY that. She said she wanted us at home today just so she knew where we were for sure... I sat and watched the news for about three hours, just praying that anyone I know is okay, that people everyone else knows are okay, and for all the people in general who we know are not okay. And the whole world just stopped, and any plans I had suddenly don't matter anymore. I was freaked out all last night about my math analysis test, and suddenly...it's insignificant. It's scary. Really scary. .....Meimi found a three-leaf clover @ 09:38 a.m. powered by fangirl cackles, sparkles, and pitas.com MEIMI... Email: meimi@time-stranger.net AIM: KSaintTail Age: 15 Tanjoubi: 11/18/01 Computer: A cute, slightly mischievious PC named Nokoru, Sei-chan the monitor, and Twinkie-sama the scanner. Site: M-T FAVORITE... Things: Tomodachi, drawing, shopping at Mitsuwa, shounen-ai/yaoi Anime: CLAMP Gakuen Tanteidan, Karekano, Gravitation, Digimon/02, Utena Manga: Tokyo Babylon, Gravitation, Evangelion, Clover, Kamikaze Kaitou Jeanne Fun Girls: Kusakabe Maron, Sumeragi Hokuto, Miyazawa Yukino, Ohkawa Utako, Souryu Asuka Langely Pretty Boys: Imonoyama Nokoru, Ishida Yamato, Ichijouji Ken, Seguchi Touma, Ran, Arima, Sei-chan~! Music: Chara, Hayashibara Megumi, ALI Project LINKS... allegretto applesauce basic black cat's delicacy cephiro, inc. complete strangers convent girl december23 demon winged disintegration doushita no?! echoes from the void eyes unclouded headphones save lives innocent masquerade kaijuu ga iru kelemenopy kudaranai kyoko one dimensional pensieve pillow book random pie sadistic dreaming selective memory somedays good somedays bad take off to the sky tegretol dreams that damn duck the bishounen diaries tokyo darling truth valhalla which way is up? winnow in thy abraxas