. Monday, May 13, 2002 np: Under Your Spell - Buffy: Once More With Feeling So I pop in the CDs Les gave me, stuffed with AMVs, and find... *drumroll* A Furuba AMV for this song. XD For KyouxTooru, no less. It wasn't that great as AMVs go, but somehow I just couldn't help wishing it had been...themed to Tooru/Uo/Hana? XD Also she lent me the last two Trigun DVDs, so I'm done with that. My siblings decided to make a racket all through ep 23, despite my pointedly stopping the DVD at points. Did not take the hint. Idiots. So that episode was totally ruined since any since moments of silence were completely ruined by LOUD FUCKING YELLING THANKS A LOT. I was just in a sour mood for a lot of reasons so I don't know if I really enjoyed it while watching. It really annoyed me how we had to sit through the series with a bunch of flashbacks, and not find out what happened till the very, very end. Iyan. I think I'm gonna watch that again this week and let the flashbacks sink in. It was intense, but...I don't know. *shrugs* I felt like they could have done a great deal more, and the ending left me feeling more unsatisfied than not. ^^; I'll watch it another day, when I'm not annoyed and upset. 'Kaasan wouldn't talk to me today. She's fed up with everyone and everything, and she...just picked me up from school, acted as cold as possible, shut the door in my face when I was going inside, refused still to speak to me besides basically saying she was mad at me in general, but not for anything specific, and disappeared. She left for her class a few hours ago. I asked if I could hug her goodbye, and she said, "You could lock the door." And walked away. It's amazing when she does this. It's rare but happens often enough, and it makes me hate myself for being born. More than I thought possible. I ask myself why I am such a terrible person, what awful thing I've done to deserve her treating me like trash, why I have to feel my heart aching and that crack splintering down it... I shouldn't be the person I am. She should have raised me to be her doll, if that's what she wants so badly. I'm not your normal teenage daughter. I'm quiet and reticent, and pretty content to stay at home all the time except for getting together with my two closest friends every few weeks. I have strange interests and hobbies that nobody can relate to or share, I'm not slim or pretty, I either speak my mind or shut up. I'm not funny or witty, I've no longing to be perfect, I'm petty and jealous, and I'm nothing like anyone in my home and we all know it. And I don't have a deep hatred for myself very often. Except when my mother looks through me, and I know that she deserved a daughter who was very much the opposite of me. And while she may say that I'm wonderful at times, I can't help thinking that she probably realizes that...someone else would have been better. Anyone at all besides me, they would have been better. Someone better, stronger, prettier, funnier, smarter. Someone who can fit into any niche instead of contenting herself to stick out like a sore thumb. Maybe if I weren't so selfish, I could be that person. But I don't want to be that person for myself - it's just it would be so much easier on everyone around me. I know it's easy to preach about sticking to your own ideals, your own self, but it's heartbreaking to know that I'm...just not enough, the way I am. Not enough for anyone at all. While I know I can't please everyone, I have to wonder why the people I displease have to be the ones I live with. I don't feel like this every day, but when my mother looked at me with those eyes that seemed to say that it would be better if I wasn't there at all...I can't help crumbling and thinking that maybe her eyes are right, if it's that troubling to everyone...I don't have to really believe it. I don't really believe it. But I feel it very strongly today, and it hurts. she ran from karenlego @ 07:41 p.m. Sunday, May 12, 2002 Pondered Buffy this week and realized that it wasn't really good, it was just...one of the first episodes in a long time I'd watched without Alica spoiling me completely. I understand she wants to babble about it, you know? Because she has to wait four days for everyone else to see it, and so she usually cracks beforehand and spoils everyone. But I absolutely begged her not to tell me this week since it was getting near the end, so I was just happy since I actually got to watch it for myself. o_O As opposed to having every cute/funny bit spoiled beforehand (I mean, damnit, she spoiled me for "Normal Again" about the frying pan! ^^; and that was the best part!) and every detail save the last few minutes of an ep. The only thing she told me about this week was that there was lots of Willow/Tara, and I said, "I think I'll be happier about those two now that they've broken up and things, it'll make their relationship better," and Alica smirked at me and said, "If you're that happy, then I'd better not tell you now what happens at the end." So that, and I was entirely too amused by my family wandering in at certain points, glancing at the screen which somehow was always Willow/Tara, and going, "WHAT. ARE. YOU. WATCHING?!" XD Because I like making my family give me strange looks. It's fun. Hrm, I think maybe new layout soon, though this one has been strangely popular (people emailed me about it even o_o). Though I do want to have retro June layout. *ufu* I already know which one I want. she ran from karenlego @ 08:02 p.m. Saturday, May 11, 2002 np: That Kind of Love - Alison Krauss Woke up at 7 AM this morning which was far too early, watched some Trigun, watched taped Buffy "Normal Again", went out shopping for John's birthday, came home and dozed slightly...I really needed heavy sleep but I was paranoid I'd miss Buffy. And I didn't, and it was really quite good...things starting to fall together, but as Alica had assured me, the ending was killer and I never saw it coming. Yay. Though Spike is a total idiot about 49% of the time and wonderful 51% of the time. Or is it the other way around? And I'm so sl0red on Buffy it's not even funny. Geri: *waves Spike/Dru novel at me* Here you go. Meimi: *SHRIEEEEEEK* THANK YOUUU!!!! *runs down the hall to class, squealing and waving the book* (It was right after AP testing though, I was kind of...crazy.) Tara: o_O; ... Ali: What /is/ that? Meimi: *waves book* It's a Spike/Dru Buffy novel!! Tara: *horrified* You're one of THOSE? Meimi: ...what? what? Tara: *with a look of sincere disappointment* I didn't know you were one of THOSE. After school... Meimi: *now 80 pages into the book* Alica: Whatcha reading? Meimi: *wordlessly holds up book* Alica: Excellent choice. (I have no doubt she's read it twenty times.) Meimi: Geri, Tara saw me with the book and said I was one of THOSE. Geri: Well, you are. I'm a THOSE, you're a THOSE, and...*points at Alica* She is the very definition of THOSE. Alica: *seriously* Geri. We're not THOSE. We're *US*. Meimi/Geri/Alica: ....XD I finished the book this morning, and naturally it wasn't exactly quality reading, but I like Drusilla a lot so I didn't mind much. Wheee. she ran from karenlego @ 07:16 p.m. Saturday, May 11, 2002 Tiiiiired. I slept about ten hours, but I'm still utterly exhausted. Iyaaaan. AP testing was not really stressful, although the girls (did I mention these are all my friends? like the fairly close acquaintance type?) were annoying the hell out of me with their study lies. Anyhow, it was more an issue that I was about to go crazy sitting in the stuffy little conference room after three hours. My-chan, that's not Rin. ^^ Ritsu is the one who apologizes, Rin is the extremely cool-looking ex-girlfriend of Haru. :D I think she's the prettiest character in the series, or at least she gives Yuki a run for the money. Meia, if you two do cosplay those two, I'd really want to see the pictures of that evil. XD Happy birthday ne! Though it's obviously late, sorry... ;_; Ah ha...I have so much crap to do this weekend. Mom didn't give me my allowance so I'm dead broke. other's Day AND John's birthday are tomorrow and have no money for either one ugh. Huge math test Monday. Have to finish art project Mom gave me. Ugh. Still tired, too... she ran from karenlego @ 08:08 a.m.

.

. Meimi? is sixteen (tanjoubi 11/18), is generally a genki person, but her cheerful and innocent appearance masks an evil fangirl mind. XD Sparkles at friends, drawing, shopping at Mitsuwa, manga, shounen ai and yaoi, fangirlism as a way of life Has been reading Houshin Engi, Furuba Has been watching Trigun, Furuba Has been listening to Chara, Cascade Wishes she could stalk Imonoyama Nokoru, Seguchi Touma, Hayate, Sasame, Souma Yuki, Souma Ayame, Souma Akito, Sei-chan, Youzen, Ran, Ishida Yamato, Ichijouji Ken Wishes she could also stalk (albeit with less enthusiasm) Kusakabe Maron, Sumeragi Hokuto, Ohkawa Utako, Awayuki Himeno, Awayuki Mawata, Haruhara Haruko, Souryu Asuka Langley, Katsuragi Misato, Sakurazuka Setsuka Can be found by email at meimi@strawberrymoon.net or AIM at KSaintTail Current layout: Possibly the cruellest thing to happen to the X cast since the eyeball? This was from a spread in Newtype.com, beautiful color copy provided by Les. *heart* I don't think these are for sale, but if indeed I could find X legos, I would be a very happy fangirl (lego yaoi!). Except the Karen one might give me nightmares. maybetomorrow - archive - playlist fanfiction - pitas allegretto applesauce atashi.blog aqua stranger basic black cat's delicacy chicken scratch complete strangers den of otakudom disintegration dreams of sakura echoes from the void eyes unclouded faded memories freetalk fuuma's shoes Øgravity green tea ice cream headphones save lives illegible scribbles kaijuu ga iru kudaranai kyoko legal alien lime rain one dimensional pensieve somedays good somedays bad technomancy that damn duck the bishounen diaries the letters from no one tokyo darling tsubasa uncommon valhalla which way is up? winnow in thy abraxas jin sarah shi-chan shiori .

.