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Meimi is a sixteen year old fangirl. Her soul is owned by the evil mangaka CLAMP. She likes to draw, play go, and read manga. AIM KSaintTail Sparkles friends, go, LotR, Hana to Yume manga, Sango/Miroku Waaah night class, driving links? allegretto applesauce atashi.blog aqua stranger basic black cat's delicacy chicken scratch chiratsuku clamp eyes den of otakudom disintegration dreams of sakura eyes unclouded faded memories freetalk fuuma's shoes Øgravity green tea ice cream headphones save lives illegible scribbles inner quiet kaijuu ga iru kudaranai lime rain logic and chaos one dimensional pensieve perpetual discontent technomancy the bishounen diaries the letters from no one tokyo darling tsubasa uncommon valhalla which way is up? bell jin sarah shi-chan mine? strawberrymoon.net maybe tomorrow strawberry moon winter fall archives playlist fanfiction pitas or? CLAMP-NET CLAMPesque Anime Expo Fanime LotR.net Yahoo!Games The current layout features Sango and Miroku from Inuyasha. I normally dislike Takahashi series as a rule, but Inuyasha is a big exception...and my love for Sango/Miroku coupling is overwhelming. *ufufu* I like Miroku, I like Sango, what's not to like with them together? 
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My three favorite things in daily life are art, Japanese, and drama. Why the FUCK is this year deciding they want to make my life FUCKING HELL with all THREE huh. Obviously drama was spoken for, Japanese is not exactly hell-level but still mildly annoying, but oh oh oh. Art today. So, fuck it, I'm enrolled in Independent Art. NOTE THE FUCKING COURSE NAME, PLEASE. The purpose of this class is to WORK! INDEPENDENTLY!!! ON ANYTHING YOU WANT!!! for a PORTFOLIO!! But! I'm probably the first one to actually need a portfolio in YEARS, because everyone just signs up to goof off! Damn them! So my art teacher, who right now if I thought I could get away with strangling her I WOULD DAMN WELL DO IT, OH YES I WOULD, decides oh! No, forget that, after running independent art this way for YEARS! You're going to do WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT TO ASSIGN YOU! I got furious but didn't show it, and said HEY, REMEMBER HOW I NEED A PORTFOLIO? Art divisions of the colleges I want in to! Summer programs I want portfolio grants for! If you haven't noticed, I'm extremely busy nowadays and THAT CLASS TIME IS THE ONLY TIME I'M GETTING TO WORK ON IT. Well, silly ME, apparently the INDEPENDENT ART PORTFOLIO CLASS means "no, screw it, you do whatever the hell I WANT you to do". Fuck her. I'm so angry right now, this is my fucking life on the line here and she tells me I'm being ridiculous and this fucking assigned project will be perfectly fine for my portfolio. IT'S A PAINT PROJECT! I CAN'T PAINT! I've tried! I've given this woman two years of my high school life to order me around, I've done her frigging paint projects, and I know, thank you, that I SUCK AT PAINTING. Give me anything else and I'll do it. Scratchboard, markers, pastel, a-ny-thing but paint, I just can't control a brush and I end up cursing at the paper. "You always just waste time in my class, I'm not about to give you five credit units for wasting your time and mine." FUCK. HER. THERE ARE GIRLS WASTING SHEETS OF SCRATCHBOARD ON CROSS-EYED CARTOONY FISH WITH LIPS. IN FACT, THEY'RE IN INDEPENDENT ART! AND YOU'RE NOT BITCHING THEM OUT FOR WASTING YOUR TIME, OH NO. So then I tell her, I want to do this (insert picture I brought in) in charcoal because you split the b&w unit my sophomore year and I did pointilism instead, and she looks at me AFTER SHE'S ACCUSED ME OF WASTING TIME FOR TWO YEARS (she, by the way, doesn't even teach, she sits behind her desk and tells people when to clean up, some teacher) and tells me NO, YOU'LL NEVER LEARN ANYTHING THAT WAY, you're doing THIS PROJECT I'M ASSIGNING YOU, NO MORE ARGUING, mark your watercolor paper for the backside. Fish with fucking bright pink lipstick in the classroom and she's giving me hell. I am SO ANGRY RIGHT NOW. TWO YEARS, she claims I've been "wasting time" and she picks NOW, NOW, **NOW** TO *WASTE MINE*?!! I am, thank you, going to the art supply store this weekend, buying every blessed thing I need to do a charcoal picture, and going to attempt to fit in drawing that charcoal picture she said would be a bad choice. However I have no idea when the FUCK I will find the time to do it, as I'm going so INSANE nowadays that I can't even summon the energy to DOODLE, much less come up with something my college future and all that can depend on. Off to the personal hell of the language lab. Ooooh. deep in my heart @ 05:21 p.m. np: Tears I Cried - Siam Shade Language lab: Listen to the tape and repeat. Open book to page nijuugo. Ni-juu-go. Get that? Page TWENTY-FIVE, hear that? Okay, now on to lesson juu-ichi. Ressun. Juu. Ichi. (That's WORD FOR WORD, yes.) Meimi: *awed* .......it's my own personal hell. deep in my heart @ 10:46 p.m. Phi, but I already had to take Japanese I three times in the past six years. ;_; I took it stretched out over a two year period in middle school, which my high school refused to count for credit. Then I took it during my seventh grade summer at the community college, but it was just for fun because a friend of mine was there, and I took it for no credit since I had to leave for vacation in the middle (bad move). Then my high school is stupid and I didn't want to take French or Spanish, so I had to take Japanese one a third time, at the community college again, for my high school credit. Frankly I'm really sick of Japanese classes where I already know the material, and most of the people in my class are far from being the brightest crayons in the box since even by Japanese two they don't seem to think sentence particles are necessary. >_>; *bangs head against desk* Randomly, anyone who hasn't seen Excel Saga should if they're a Koyasu fangirl. Fufufu. I just watched the first DVD this week, amusing. deep in my heart @ 09:29 a.m. Okay, for all who asked for it, I have a few Hikago fanart sites. Only pairing in the series I really care for is Sumiwaya, so that's the focus on most of these XD Vivianism (Sumiwaya, also features a Santa Waya-ko. Be afraid.) slowly-carefree (Sumiwaya, cute stuff.) NEO (Akihika, Sumiwaya...) And the one Lisa linked, which I have declared the chibismut page. Possibly the best of them all, if only for the chibi shock value. It is, as Lisa said, quite Special. XD Don't miss the chibi set with chibi!Isumi in bunny girl outfit with chibi!Waya niko-ing, "Naisu! Isumi-san!" And for all those who desperately wanted the bunnygirl!Waya pic. Or even if you didn't, you probably still want to see it anyway out of curiosity. XD deep in my heart @ 07:16 p.m. Tired, woke up on time and wanted to go back to sleep, so opted for the normal routine of getting dressed really quickly and snuggling back under the covers (that way if I fall back to sleep, I'll be ready to go and won't have to rush around getting ready~). John yelled at me for no real reason, I banged my own knee with the door, got something in my eye while I was driving and swerved to the side, not a great morning overall. I did finish my English essay though, even though it's rather poor and I wrote it in less than a half-hour, know what? I don't particularly care. I'm not sure if what I'm experiencing is senioritis, a sense of boredom since I've never been at a school for four years before, or both. Probably both. Also, I'm selling whatever's left of my soul (if there is anything left after CLAMP) to Yazawa Ai. Mm. Parakiss is one of the top five manga I've ever read. Naturally I decided I should read Gokinjo Monogatari, but since I'm not getting to Mitsu again anytime soon, and I want the Parakiss tankoubon first, I tried downloading a bit of the anime. Wow. Just...wow. I guess I should have been warned off by the filling of Marmalade Boy's timeslot and I had already thoguht that Yazawa's character designs wouldn't translate to (bad quality) animation very well, but...okay, just imagine the worst 70's flashback trip you can, come up with a blindingly orange outfit to match, and have Kappei voice it. Not a pretty sight, no. But anyway, Parakiss. Everyone go read that manga right now. It's now on the list of my top five favorite manga ever. *sparkle* (List being in no particular order, Jeanne, Nervous Venus, Fruits Basket, Tokyo Babylon, and now Parakiss.) Class. Bell. Crap. So tired, don't want to go to class...I wanna go home and sleep. This weekend I went to bed every night around ten or eleven, when usually on weekends one AM is rather early for me. Les is right, I'm turning into an old lady. Geh. deep in my heart @ 09:41 a.m. np: Kaze mo Sora mo Kitto... - Sailormoon Zzz...feeling decidedly less bitchy now...much more sleepy though. Thank you Ingrid and Lisa for being so nice. Lisa, I spent hours on Saturday surfing Hikago sites...next weekend if I'm alive, I'm going to surf the Isumi/Waya ring...found SO much wrongness. (Everyone remembers that picture a while back? The double color spread in Jump with the boys in tuxedos and the bunny girls that nobody noticed? Well, uh, on one fanart site, Isumi was definitely noticing Waya...who was dressed exactly like the bunny girls... @_@) I have a load of homework due tomorrow and I haven't touched any of it...I'm so screwed, but I honestly can't bring myself to care, I'm so tired. I'm probably going to write my English essay very quickly and rushed tomorrow morning, chem I have to do tonight. Ugh. Just....ugh. deep in my heart @ 05:33 p.m. So, you know that girl? If you don't know her personally, you've probably heard of her. The bitch who thinks the world revolves around her, and when she gets a shitty part in a play, she flounces off to throw a fit and then quits? Yeah, I'm trying not to turn into her. (I'm not quitting, but I'm already severely disappointed in myself for being unsatisfied in the first place and telling myself I'm being quite the brat.) Let me explain something. Theater is pretty much the only thing I do around school that means something to me, and it's the only thing I'm known for. I don't do dances or formals or sports student government or anything like that. I act. That's it. And I am damn good at what I do, okay? I try really hard, and I put a lot of work into productions, and I love every bit of it. I've taken on a lot of responsibility these last two plays, the first year I had a huge monologue piece, last year I had more lines than anyone else. And I'm one of the better actresses in the school, and that's no real compliment to me because it's high school and most people flat-out suck, okay, and all the really wonderfully talented people all graduated last year. I could have handled being just given a small part. People in past years have gotten tiny roles because they just don't fit into any particular place. I guess that's what happened, and I don't really mind that. That's okay. But there's this girl, and I can't figure out for the LIFE of me why she gets cast year after year. I find her acting ability the theatrical equivalent of watching paint dry. She's BAD. While a very nice person who I like okay, she's the kind of person who blends into the wallpaper. Some shy people can blossom onstage, but her characters just fall limp, because there's a difference between memorizing lines and knowing what your character is saying. She can only memorize, and whether she has the script in front of her or no, she's always reading off a page. Everything is monotone with her, there's no passion or personality there, nothing lives. And she got the second biggest part in the production (who has so much fucking personality that an entire town falls under his spell and WORSHIPS him). After being in several shows with her, my jaw dropped when I saw the cast list because that's the absolute LAST part I EVER would have given her. Earlier in the week, I thought it would be fun to watch who auditioned and guess which parts they would get. I wasn't right about anyone, but the point is that in my mind, I cast her in the role I got because I decided it was small and needed little ability to bring to life. I can't even describe how miserable I am right now. And I'm aware I'm being selfish and stupid and really terrible, but I just feel sick. Yes fuck it I AM going to do this play and I'm going to do the BEST JOB I can, and I will read all ten or so of my lines with the same passion as I would have delivered with every other part, because I would be ashamed of myself otherwise. But practice isn't until Monday, and right now I'm just sitting alone in my house crying my head off, because it's my senior year and I might not even get into another production this year, and there will be no big challenge, no huge hurdle with my character to overcome as there was last year. And after two years of doing my best in other shows, I thought I would get a little bit better. And after getting the script WEEKS ago from Mr. Y, fuck it, I thought the only reason he would give me one is if he was planning on giving me a huge role and wanted me to get a head start. And after he told me last year that I was the most talented high school actress he had ever known, YES, MAYBE I the universe was right in decided I needed to be brought down a peg after hearing that because I felt so happy and proud, but FUCK IT NOT THIS FAR DOWN. Right now I'm trying to think how it could be worse, and I decided that I should be thankful that I was not cast as the guy who sells hot dogs. Then I would be having Words with someone, or with all the shit going on in my life right now that might have pushed me over the edge. All the same, I'm feeling pretty miserable. And I'm still crying. Hey, maybe I won't make it into the musical this year either. It's starting to become a yearly tradition that Mr. Y gives me a dazzling ego boost every year I don't make it and tells me something like So you can't sing, so you can't dance, you can act okay. I could use that around now, you know? Off to cry some more. deep in my heart @ 05:17 p.m. I had this dream last night. It was LotR, but...um... Can any of you picture Saruman with his hair done up in the Princess Leia style? With all the hair he has, it was quite the sight. Everyone had weird hair styles (Legolas' hair was ruined) but yeah, Saruman. I'll blog about play when I get home; parts were posted. deep in my heart @ 08:30 a.m. np: "kaimasu! kaimasen! listen to the tape and repeat. kaimasu! kaimasen deshita!" Oh HALLELUJAH! THE LANGUAGE LAB HAS INTERNET THIS YEAR! I remember back when this place had only TAPE RECORDERS, for goodness sakes. Fufufufufu~~!! I came to sign in and I asked where the paper was. "We don't have paper, you log in the computer." "Oh, I thought years back..." "What do you mean, years back?! You're so young already!!" ^^;;; As it is, I'm going insane. I had to put things in past tense, and and and TOO EASY. I found out where the Coke machine is so perfectly awake now. I fell asleep in world religions again today though. Like the third time in a row. Very bad of me. Anyway, probably only supposed to do language lab stuff so must not get caught blogging. Am pretending to listen to sentence structure sound clips and repeat them. deep in my heart @ 09:26 p.m. np in my head: Kimi no Tame ni Dekiru Koto - Gackt So tired. I haven't done my Japanese homework, and I don't care. Ha. I really doubt you're going to be hearing anything but "I'm so tired," from me for the next few months. Except when college apps are due, then I'm just going to be having nervous breakdowns between those and the play and classes. Ohoho. Yes, I have already started them, but I'm sure I'll end up procrastinating on some little tidbit till the last minute. Turns out, it was 100% cotton. Oh yes, shrinkable. And no, fuck it, it doesn't fit anymore. At least not with a heavier shirt underneath (my school doesn't allow shirt slike the one I bought to go underneath), and when I tried today a button popped off. Why the hell is this happening? I feel like Charlie Brown. You know the moment when he puts the ornament on his pathetic little twig of a Christmas tree, and it bends over dead? "Everything I touch gets ruined!" That's how I feel. deep in my heart @ 01:24 p.m. np: I'll be the One - HAL I'm completely wiped out. My life is being slooowly sucked away. Japanese class twice a week is painful, and I'm so tired that I can't think straight. This makes me feel very silly, because I made a point of telling the teacher that I was too smart for that class, and I keep slipping up. Last night I wrote "shusshin" incorrectly on the board, and then we had to count money in Japanese, which proved to be too much for me to handle after such a long day. Then we broke in to groups and played memory with adjective flashcards. I lost badly - damned if I wasn't the only person in my group who knew EVERY WORD, but I was too exhausted to remember where they were to match them! I'm excited about next week, while dreading it at the same time. I already know I've bitten off more than I can chew with the play. But I can't say no, and as I've said before, even if I end up crying and hysterical from stress, it's more than worth it. During auditions, I stood up alone on that stage and let my voice ring out across the theater, and I had the most wonderful, thrilling feeling. It's a feeling that's very rare to have: I felt as though I was exactly where I belonged. deep in my heart @ 07:10 p.m. Zzz...so tired...went to bed at like 4 AM. Why, you ask, would I do something like that on a day I have play audition and night class? Well, I discovered this rather nifty fanmade love simulation game for Yami no Matsuei for Tsuzuki's point of view. XD I can't wait to get home and play it again. I only played for Hisoka's ending last night, except it took me over an hour to beat and finally I just cheated all the way through so I could see the mushy TsuHi pictures ^^;;;; (Even cheating, I had to play it twice through...) At one point in the game, I almost won without cheating, but when Hisoka was kind of mad I was given the option of cheering Hisoka up, leaving him alone, or kissing him. Well, I knew kissing him wasn't the way to go, but not as if I was going to pass up the possibility of cute art... ^^;;;;; So I picked kissing him, and Tsuzuki popped up on the screen: "What are you, crazy?! He'd KILL me! Player-san no sukebe!" XDXDXD I finally beat it and the ending was SO cute *_* After that I played it for Muraki's ending...which was entirely too simple. All you have to do is follow the scent of roses and let him molest you two or three times ^^;;; So when I get home I'm going to mess around with Muraki's version to see if it gets more interesting if you resist his advances, look around for the Hijiri ending, and then play Tatsumi and Watari's. ^^;;; Aiyeee...sleep...and after I tore myself away from the game, Les wanted a summary of everything in Hikago from the pro prelims to Isumi's return from China. I...think I might have gone into more detail than she needed. Um. Since I don't have volume 17, could anyone tell me who won the Hikaru/Isumi match? Or did they never finish it? ^^;;; deep in my heart @ 09:18 a.m. np: Let Me Be With You (new step remix) - Chobits Remix is rather spiffy. The beat seems a little bit slower - not like it needed to be catchier - but I like the little "sparkly" sounds. Ingrid...she's not getting out all that soon, I don't think. But hah, I'm glad you think the Council guys are sexy. XD That's pretty much the reaction I was going for. Hinoko: *waves back* Thanks so much for the comments. ^^ I've been reading your fic for ages now; I've kept meaning to email you about how much I've enjoyed it. *shameless NokoruxSuoh fangirl* deep in my heart @ 10:16 p.m. Phi, I've seen all of Karekano already - it's one of my favorite anime ever. But I don't own any of it, and the DVD extras are neat. It's 26 episodes yeah, kind of an anti-end. It just...stopped (after spending six episodes watching everyone prepare for a festival and play, it's ridiculous not to have the festival or play in the show). The last few episodes don't even focus on Yukino and Arima much. ^^;; I want the manga eventually, but I've always gotten sidetracked. Operation Lobby...I just keep wondering... ^^;;; Yet another memory from last sleepover that went forgotten until now: Lestat dancing to Momusu "Love Machine". "Rabu rabu rabu machine, rabu rabu rabu station, rabu rabu rabu factory!" Meimi: ...you're kidding me, neither of you have EVER heard that song? Les/Ali: .... o.O ...no. Meimi: And it has this little WHOO! WHOO! sound effects, too! "Hontou NICE BODY BODY BODY!" Les/Ali: .... deep in my heart @ 03:26 p.m. np: driver's high - L'arc~en~Ciel New Bound chapter~!!!! Shiori did a splendid job with new character profiles, layout, and links! Everyone go sparkle!! Give feedback and I'll worship you! Email! Guestbook! (I'm desperate. Yeah.) Ingrid, I shall now stare at you pointedly. deep in my heart @ 03:26 p.m. np: 24 - Sakamoto Maaya I now present yet another conversation from past sleepover. And yes, this really happened, and yes, I was really serious. Meimi: And just gayness. Gayness, gayness, gayness. Les: It's really scary how much use you get out of that phrase. It's not even a word. Meimi: .... *shock* ...."gayness"? It is TOO a word! Les/Ali: .....*shriek* No, dear, it's not. Meimi: You're being ridiculous. "Gayness" is definitely a word. Les: No, it's not. You just use it so much, and in fact it's become half your vocabulary, that you've convinced yourself it's a real word. Meimi: But...GAYNESS!! Les: Well, if you keep using it the way you do, maybe you'll get lucky and a person who writes dictionaries will hear you and believe it's a word. And then the dictionary will have "gayness", "gayisms", "gayish"... Meimi: *shattered* I can't BELIEVE that "gayness" isn't a word. Main Entry: [1]gay Pronunciation: 'gA Function: adjective Etymology: Middle English, from Middle French gai Date: 14th century *snip the "happy" definitions* 4 a : HOMOSEXUAL b : of, relating to, or used by homosexuals (the gay rights movement) (a gay bar) synonym see LIVELY - gay adverb - gay·ness noun Meimi: HAH! HAH! HAH! I WAS RIGHT!!! Les: Yeah, yeah yeah, just goes to show how pathetic you are that you HAD to check. *snerk* Meimi: .... O.O ...you mean you were tricking me all along and you knew it was really a word? Les: ...Would you believe me if I said 'no'? Meimi: No......then why did Ali go along with it? You two are MEAN, telling me that half my vocabulary doesn't exist. I KNEW it was a word... deep in my heart @ 10:09 p.m. np: Sweet - Chara Mitsu! Saw Kix, but she was gone when I came back~ *pout* I have to save that $25 for my DVD, so while I had $40 overall I told myself I wasn't allowed to spend more than $15. Yeah, right. Couldn't do it. The only reason I didn't spend all $40 is because they were pitifully understocked and didn't have anything I wanted desperately. I ended up with Gohou Drug 2 and Hikago 11, 16, and 18. Finished drawing Bound act two. Inking and edits to follow, will upload the chapter late tonight or tomorrow morning, and I'm serious this time because I only have two pages left and one is really small. Also, over the weekend I had this really...weird dream. It was one cracked-out story that was a result of staring at the A.I. DVD and reading too much Ender's Game series. I don't remember it, but I woke up with the most splendid "what the HELL" reaction. deep in my heart @ 05:53 p.m. np: Kudaranai Uta - Bump of Chicken Threw red sweatshirt that had never been washed into laundry today. It turned every white article of clothing a pretty shade of pink, and then just to piss me off, turned the white ribbon and lace in my senior portrait outfit pink, too. And the straps to the top to wear underneath it. *fumes* I did mention that outfit was WILDLY expensive, right? And then I only got to wear it ONCE, right? Hopefully will come out. In the meantime am being rather snarky. Suncoast still hasn't called to say my Karekano DVD is in. Damnit. I wish I'd bought it at AX for $25. Les: *comes back over from a booth's TV display* Hey, they're playing the Karekano DVD and it has extras with Anno talking about his evil plots for Arima and whatnot. Meimi: O.O MUST! Buy buy buy! Les: Sure, it's- Meimi: *sees something else interesting and attention span dies* Ah, forget it, I'll snag it tomorrow. (tomorrow) Les: No, they're all out now. Meimi: Noooooo!! *about $70 and the "CLAMP MANGA FOR A DOLLAR!" mob later...* Les: *looks over* Hey, they restocked the table! Get it now! Meimi: *glare* .... So naturally, then I had to wait a month for the official release. Then I spent three weeks stomping into both the local Suncoasts trying to find it. I finally broke down and special ordered it a week ago. Why on earth is it being so difficult for me to get my hands on? This is the only DVD I've bought all year. It probably will be the only anime series I'll be buying DVDs for this year, because I'd rather spend my money on manga and art supplies... deep in my heart @ 12:05 a.m. np: Snow Dance [acapella] - dreams come true I have club fair tomorrow. I haven't prepared at all, and I feel awful because I shoved the responsibility of making a sign off on Katie. Ugh. Les leaves tomorrow. I won't see her until Christmas if I'm lucky. Sure, you can tell me that I rarely actually see her, and last year I probably only saw her for more than five minutes twice from this point to Christmas. But it doesn't help. I'm just thinking about how Les is going away even when I'm trying to tell myself to think about chem and club fair and class, and how I won't be able to see her whenever I want to even though I technically never got to before, and how things might change, and how, and how, and how. I feel a little lost. Like I'm just floating in midair somehow, and the earth just happens to come up to meet my feet by chance, but its being there doesn't mean a thing. If I had a hand to hold, then maybe I could be grounded, maybe...but I feel as though everyone else is too far below me to reach, or drifting away to a distant place in the stars... deep in my heart @ 09:44 p.m. np: Do What You Have to Do - Sarah McLachlan I'm annoyed with Ali. Yes, again. I actually almost feel badly about it...today there was an assembly put on by STR about cheating in our school, and to emphasize how much of a problem it is, they ended the program with the team standing up and saying, "Eighteen out of the twenty members have cheated." And then added that only a fraction had been caught. Well, she stood up there with everyone, and there were snarky little whispers of, "No way, she cheats?" Well, she claimed after the program that she forgot to walk offstage because she was one of the two who had never cheated in her life. Ha. It sickens me, because I know she's cheated. Does she not remember it? The huge Bible term project last year she said she let everyone copy, and told me no less than ten times that I should just "quit and cheat off hers"? Hm? Does she really not remember? Am I the only one who remembers, because it sickened me so much to see her do that when I spent hours slaving over that stupid research? I felt so bitter as she repeated over and over, "I just forgot to walk offstage, because I've never cheated," when I had looked at her on that stage with the rest of them and thought, "Well, that's pretty cool that they all owned up to it and talked about it." I like how the STR does that. The idea that she's going to almost certainly end up being valedictorian makes me want to throw up. I couldn't even look at her today, thinking to myself, "STR is about owning up to mistakes you've made to help other people. That team makes huge sacrifices out of a desire to tell underclassmen that they aren't alone in huge problems, and has to be so honest and put their lives on display in front of the entire student body. And now you're just lying - to them, to everyone else, and maybe even yourself because you honestly seem to believe this somehow." I couldn't look at her, talk to her, and she went off to her math classroom during lunch. When I heard her voice from the open door, yelling yet again, "I just forgot to walk off the stage," I had to walk away. Because everyone just laughed as if to say, "Oh of course, she's too good to ever cheat." I feel like I shouldn't be upset at her - at least, rather, not let it show. It's not my business at all, much less my business to yell at her about it. But seeing her do that as a member of STR really makes me feel ill. After three years of high school retreats, I have nothing but the highest respect for people who can stand up in front of an entire class and say, "Yes, I was anorexic. Yes, I was a drug addict. Yes, I tried to kill myself." The sheer amount of suicide stories each year is scary, but the way the girls can talk about it makes me truly admire them. Lying as a part of that team cheapens everything it means, and even though I'm not a part of it, it means an awful lot to me. deep in my heart @ 09:09 p.m. np: Until Strawberry Sherbert - Hayashibara Megumi Okay, I'm gonna die this year. T_T Totally confirmed tonight. I can't get out of my dumb Japanese class, and I swear I'm going to go insane. I'm almost positive I won't learn new things in the way of structure - with the amount I read in Japanese, I've got that pretty much down. The syllabus lists things like learning how to use "naru" and "answering the telephone". About 70 kanji on the syllabus: I think I only counted about ten or fifteen I didn't know off the top of my head (and even so I know I know them and see them all the time, just couldn't remember exactly what they meant or I felt uncertain that I was mistaking them for another similarly-written one) and can write eighteen of them from memory. This is not great, as far as kanji go (but then I practice on my own and can probably write maybe twenty, thirty others - and I'm not as pathetic as I sound, I would have known all the kanji on the sheet tonight if they were used in context) but I figured if you gave me the exam today, I would still pass without much struggle. Most people in the class have clearly already forgotten their kana in the months since their previous semester. So. This was my night. Student: Li-sa-sa-n wah Mekeeeeshikoo wa shusheen desu. Meimi: *refrains from banging head against own desk* (Pronunciation! Grammar! READING! She has everything we have to say on the BOARD for goodness sake! They can't READ!) (two hours of horrible mistakes later) Meimi: - sotsugyou wa mou sugu desu no de, kono kurasu wa jikan no muda ni nattara taihen deshou. Daigaku no koto mo iroiro atte... Watashi wa koukousei desu kara, seishun mo shitai no desu. kono kurasu wa kantan sugiru no ka na, watashi ni totte wa- ah, watashi wa itsumo hitori de benyou shimashita kara...watashi wa amari nihongo de hanasu no wa jouzu ja nai kara, kitto ima mo machigatteru tokoro mo kitto ippai arun desu kedo... Sensei: No, no, go on, you completely make sense. Meimi: *rambles on in Japanese for five more minutes, trying to impress the teacher so she'll let me go without taking the stupid class* Sensei: *pause* Oh. No, it's college policy, I can't do that. Meimi: *deflates* Oh. I see. So I'll be stuck there with spendid thirteen hour days until December (because I love my school's theater productions so much I opted to do my language lab hours from eight to nine PM - I'd better get a damn good part, is I'll I'm gonna say). Go me. Up side to my day: Mr. Y gave me an advance copy of the script. And hugged me. I'm so much his favorite that it isn't even funny. *smirk* And I really like this layout (might mess around with it. I know I'm being obsessive, but... *swoons* Miroku! Sango! The CUTE! Of course it was all about Inuyasha/Kagome at first, but the dragging of their relationship is starting to get painful. Whereas the really cute bits with Miroku and Sango only started a few tankoubon ago X this month: NOKORU! NOKORU! NOKORU! THREE MONTHS! WITH EITHER SUBARU OR NOKORU! Thank you, CLAMP: more Nokoru, please. Also, Karen is a plus - I think she's starting to be one of my favorite characters. Also, it amuses the hell out of me how people whine back and forth week after week about this and that in X, and they never get it right. Like the past month or two of blah Arashi blah, and for all the screeching and debating, it seems awfully obvious to me. deep in my heart @ 10:37 p.m. Lalalala, new layout. I really like this one; I think it's one of the best layouts I've ever made. *ufu* ("Gasp! Meimi with a straight coupling? What's the world coming to?") Actually, I was on the verge of using another picture I drew of Subaru and Sei-chan, but I only got rid of the first one a few weeks ago. So next time, maybe. XD deep in my heart @ 01:44 p.m. |
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