I think I'm all recovered from graduation, after a week. Yay. (Oh, and Ingrid, thank you for congratulating me~~)
Anyway...I keep typing up an explanation of grad week but always lose it. What happened in that week was basically:
-I aced all my exams, except for English (that BITCH, she kept on with the B+ till the bitter end). Which meant even though I slacked off second quarter (the lowest GPA I've ever had all high school) I managed to bring it up to my usual average! Go me!
-I met up with Les. For some reason she did not recognize me. We ate out at a Japanese restaraunt and then cackled through the mall. I read the backs of the Yami DVDs out loud in my most melodramatic voice, and almost passed out from laughing. Then I did the same for the Buffy novels in the bookstore. I bought a novelization of season seven because the "Storyteller" portion was told from Andrew POV, and it actually mentioned Kennedy's tongue ring, and I just had to buy something that was in such bad taste. And we laughed over all kinds of things I can't remember, which are the best kind. Best day I've had in ages. Love Les.
-grad mass and brunch was fun. After brunch, I ended up taking off with Kathy and Geri to see The Italian Job. Geri is the only teenybopper friend I have, and so I had to see this movie with her, because anyone else I know would have just stared at me disbelivingly if I'd acted the way we did together. We were there for one reason only, and his name is Seth Green. We squealed entirely too loudly each time he came onscreen.
-grad itself was nowhere near as entertaining as I thought it would be. The valedictorian speeches were horrendous - both poorly written and poorly spoken. Every word was in capital letters, none of the speeches seemed to have a thing to do with graduation. About five minutes into the last speech, I was using all my willpower to keep from breaking down into laughter - I kept biting my tongue hard enough to almost draw blood, and telling myself, "No. No. You are in the front row. Everyone will see. The valedictorian will see. People will be taking pictures of you laughing at her." I did kind of, um, snort, though. Everything was about bloodied soldiers from the Civil War and how we needed to be like Gandhi and how we needed to learn how to die before we could ever live, and I kept waiting for someone to say, "Yay, Class of 2003, go be successful!" But they never did.
After the ceremony, though, that was nice. I actually saw all of my favorite people, and was really shocked to get gifts... (I didn't know grad was a big gift-giving extravaganza. I didn't get anything for anybody. Cringe.) I walked out to my car with four bouquets of flowers, a $15 gift card to Suncoast, a new sketchbook with a sweet note in the cover, a witty keychain, a mix CD, and another Buffy guide.
-sober grad was a disappointment. We were on The Loud Bus. Two girls showed up drunk (yeah, yeah, the irony) and we had to wait for over an HOUR for the police to come take them away. Then once we got to the boat everything was taking place on, it turned out to be really tiny and boring.
-I have since spent my week playing FF8 (at the final battle!) and watching Will and Grace reruns and movies. Especially of the Pixar variety - I wanna work for them someday. Finding Nemo is a typically awesome movie, though I still like Toy Story and Monsters Inc. better... the best night of my life @ 08:41 p.m.
Went to Kinokuniya today. I wasn't very rich, and despite the fact that the new store seems to be practically HALF manga, the only things they had I wanted were Nervous Venus 5 and assorted Hanakimi volumes. So I poked around, and realized, you know, I've been saying I'd buy it for months and months, but I never suck it up and shell out. So I might as well spend the money now, when there isn't anything else I want very badly.
"Nante koto na no! Sensei wa..sensei wa...!"
"Hermione!"
"...sono hito to guru nan da wa!"
"Hermione, ochitsukinasai-"
"Watashi, dare ni mo iwanakatta no ni! Sensei no tame ni, watashi, kakushiteita no ni! ...Harry, damasarenai de! Kono hito mo anata no shi wo negatterun da wa - kono hito, ookami ningen na no yo!"
I still wish that Kino had it in paperback, but $26.60 hardcover is almost worth it just for me to cackle. (But I had to leave Nervous Venus 5 behind! XO I bet I'll never see THAT again.) Still, I adore reading it this way - I can follow it even better than I thought I would be able to (it's really easy). And you get such a delightful sense of the characters in Japanese, too! Hermione is a perfect know-it-all ("Aaaara, atta KA MO SHIRENAI ja nai! Tsumari, sukunaku tomo, anzen datte koto ga ima wakatta wake desho!"). Harry is such an UKE ("Yaranakya ikenain desu. Ravenclaw sen ni mata Dementor ga arawaretara, dou narun desu? Mata ochiru wake ni wa ikimasen!"), and Sirius makes me think of some sparkly seiyuu voicing him ("Sore nara, shineba yokattan da! Wareware mo kimi no tame ni sou shita darou.").
And, and! It's just fun seeing some things in Japanese. Like Apparation and Deapparation: "Kono shiro no naka de wa 'sugata kuramashi' mo 'sugata arawashi' mo dekinai no da!"
........I'm such a geek. the best night of my life @ 06:24 p.m.
Wednesday, June 4, 2003
Still recovering from graduation.
So. Last night, I was sitting and reading slashfic, which is a pretty normal thing of course of course. And suddenly, I realize. I am reading smutfic. With two vampire boys. Who are having sex on Christmas Day in plain public view in a plastic nativity set. ("We are not going to do this in the...oh God, put down the baby Jesus. I can't DO this with them WATCHING me.")
I just sort of stopped for a few moments, and for really the first time ever, had that urge to crawl to the corner, sit in a fetal position, and mutter a thousand times, "I'm going to hell I'm going to hell I'm going to hell," while rocking back and forth. I mean, really. Vampire smut. Plastic nativity set. Why has a lightning bolt not struck me down yet? the best night of my life @ 10:32 p.m.
Monday, May 26, 2003
np: Tears in love - Kokia
Just as I didn't notice Friday was the last day of school, I did not notice that tomorrow are my exams.
Riiiight. Spent all of today shopping like a maniac - hey, it's not my fault four years of uniformed education = NO CLOTHES. Speaking of which, this week marks the last time I ever shall have to wear my uniform! Unlike past classes though, mine will not be having a bonfire party to burn our plaid skirts. Because, it turns out, they do not burn. They melt. (No, really. They don't get wet. They don't wrinkle. With the melting, they'd probably sooner sputter a fire out than catch flame.)
Tuesday:
-chem exam at 10:30
-grad practice: bring shoes
Wednesday
-English exam at 8:00
-give Les grad tickets?
Thursday
-get hair cut at 12:00
-job app
Friday
-grad mass and brunch
Saturday
...?
Sunday
-graduation at 4:00
-sobergrad at 8:00 the best night of my life @ 07:04 p.m.
Saturday, May 24, 2003
So. It was Friday morning at two in the morning, and I was still awake.
My school has this absolutely adorable Too Cute For Words We Are So Obviously An All Girl School tradition of the senior class creating homemade personalized caps for the junior girls. You pick a junior you hopefully know and spend hours agonizing over this hat, and the previous senior class always makes it look so easy. Mine last year was a slightly low-maintenance sombrero from Chili's covered with silk flowers and M&Ms. I had absolutely no place to put it and it was huge, and finally had to throw it out this year. Sad.
So I got the (at-the-time) brilliant idea of making Alicia's cap a posterboard hat (easily taken apart and stowed! so no throwing-out!) with Buffy quotage written on it in glittery gel pens. In my normal-size hardwriting. On a whole piece of posterboard.
....I don't write very big.
Around six on Thursday evening, I was starting to develop a sore throat and a worrisome feeling I would be sick. Around two-thirty AM, I was pretty sure I was heading down the road to sickville, running through the shooting scripts looking for amusing quotage, and staring at my gelpen scribbles going, "This really seemed like a good idea at the TIME." When I woke up at seven AM, I almost could not move, had a raging fever, and barely could speak from my throat feeling AFLAME.
But it was Class Day. The last day of school before exams. And I thought of how much of a loser I'd feel like if I was the only junior not to get a cap. (It's a REALLY BIG DEAL AT MY SCHOOL OKAY.)
Everyone that day: Heeey! Sign my yearbook! Meimi: I'm uncapable of witty thought, and possibly of holding a pen and moving it. Sick. Not touching your yearbook. Everyone: *suspiciously* You don't LOOK sick. Meimi: *motions towards forehead* Feel. Everyone: .... OHMYGOD WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE GO HOME.
So I stayed. And Class Day is devoted to the seniors, but I had been so stressed all week - I swear I didn't notice it was the last day of school. At all. I only remembered I had to finish the cap. So they had the assembly, and everyone was kinda crying, but I was only kinda crying because I felt so awful. Our lunch from the student council was very cool though - they did a fifties style thing where all the student council waitresses dressed in poodle skirts. And Jessica read her real speech (the administration never lets anyone read their real speeches, because they tell the TRUTH). Especially great was her flashback to sophomore year: "English was great. It didn't matter if you fell asleep, cause the teacher? He was sleeping too!" Also, the actual speeches were good - the valedictorians' speech was a bunch of quick quotes for how to be successful - the most memorable one being, "Don't lick batteries." And Jackie, the current class president, summed up four years of high school in the quickest way, pointing to each section of the theatre as she went: "When I was sitting in the freshman section, I remember I wanted to be sitting in the sophomore section. When I was sitting in the sophomore section, I remember I wanted to be sitting in the junior section. When I was sitting in the junior section, I remember I wanted to be sitting in the senior section. Then I was sitting THERE, and now I'm just, wait! Where did it all go?!"
So then I stayed, and (after a disaster where the cap just would NOT STAPLE TOGETHER and I figured hell, she probably really will just take it apart anyway) gave her her hat. And all was good, and she didn't miss out on the fact that I came to school sick to give it to her, which was very nice. And I even stayed for a half hour after, so we could hang out and read every single quote in order on the hat. Occasionally, Geri would walk by and echo us as we read out loud together. None of us really needed to read the words on the hat, because we're that bad. We have infected people around us enough that at least ten people chimed in with, "You had SEX WITH GILES?! ...on the HOOD OF A POLICE CAR?! ....TWICE?!"
Then I woozily drove myself home, considered falling asleep on the stairs, went up, stuck the thermometer in my mouth, and read off one hundred point four. Which was the point at which I called my stepfather and requested chicken and stars to be picked up on his way home. Which is really the most awesome soup ever when you're sick - I'd had chicken with rice the night before, but rice is not so good on the sore throat. Stars = good. Then, after the soup, I slept for about seventeen hours. (I really don't think it's real, true, Sick. I think it's just stress + sleep deprivation = BAD.)
So, that was my last day of high school. I felt I had no chance to say goodbye. Hopefully someone will remind me that it's over by graduation.
Today was spent mostly in bed watching Buffy. Oh, and I also got to talk to Les yesterday, which was super fun because only she understands everything in the most perfect way. I got to be the first to inform her of CLAMP's latesy atrocity, and hear her scream, "BUT! THAT'S! SO! *BAD*!!!!" the best night of my life @ 11:28 p.m.
Thursday, May 22, 2003
Today was awards day at school, which everyone kind of hates. Because only the Really Smart People win over and over again, and everyone else is bored. I did well with the drama department though...except Sarah won Best Thespian and the Drama Achievement for Seniors award (which are the best two things you can get as a senior)...I know, kind of, why she got them, but...at the risk of sounding entirely elementary school, I'm better than her. ^^;;; (She's so boring onstage. During this fall, I kept fighting to stay awake during her speeches...everyone I talked to said she was bad...) But she had the opportunities to do more, so I understand why she won. I got the other two best awards - I snagged the best student in my grade this semester, the pin for best in my grade for the entire year, and won the drama department scholarship (Sarah won the other one). I was SUPER happy because Meggie is in my class. I think she's just awesome, honestly; and I was worried it would come down to the two of us for the awards. But it worked out perfectly - she got the best of semester for the fall session, I got it for spring. I got the pin for my grade, and she's a junior so she got the other one. Perfect! Because she's really the only person in school I have real respect for in the theater department - while I wanted to win, I would have felt very strange losing to her, so I'm glad we were exactly matched.
I also won some kind of separate award for drama, but Mr. Y didn't give it to me directly and I was zoning out when they were explaining what it was for and why it was awarded... ^^;;;
But. Sigh. I don't know. I'm tired, is all. I'm ready to move on. I'm very comfortable with the idea of no-more-high-school. I need to officially find a new job now - mine ended today - but really, I need a week to rest. I'm so exhausted out of my mind. x_x the best night of my life @ 06:28 p.m.
Thursday, May 22, 2003
CLAMP, you have hit an ALL-TIME LOW.
So it turns out TSUBASA is not a continuation of CCS. Or an in-between story of CCS. S'really not CCS in any way except they've recycled the character designs, the names, and assumedly the attitudes of the characters.
Am I the only one who thinks that's sick? I mean really. sick. Add in the fact that it's an apparent crossover with XXXholic, and you have the most disturbing CLAMP marketing scheme to date...man, I loved CCS. Don't get me wrong. But do I really want them to AU their OWN STORY, and be forced to sit through Syaoran and Sakura and (assumedly) Touya and Yuki getting together with the agony ALL. OVER. AGAIN?
I say now, if there's another twenty chapters of, "Ore wa...omae ga..." I might just lose my mind.
CLAMP is ten thousand times worse than Watase Yuu. I'm just saying. the best night of my life @ 06:17 p.m.
I think I've finally figured out that I am entirely sick to death of high school.
I mean, this is a really good time to figure that out, right? Seeing as how this is the last week of classes, and the last few days don't really count. Except my chemistry class is evil - we're going right to the last day. And my English class is evil, because we have to write an essay tomorrow. And chemistry is doubly evil because it has a test tomorrow for a chapter I haven't even glanced at. I know NOTHING about the chapter. I missed two days of lecture and didn't bother finding out what happened on the first one (Friday in Disney couldn't be helped). My brain is too melted to study. In short, will go crazy tomorrow. And that's even if Ro doesn't show up at school tomorrow. Dread.
Things to do:
-try to get portfolio scholarships for summer art camps (take pictures, fill out forms, send off)
-try to get a summer job
-get hair cut
-finish CD-burnage now burner is fixed the best night of my life @ 11:26 p.m.
Saturday, May 17, 2003
Wah. I was so upset after the fight I had with my mom that I was such a bitch all day during school beforehand. But honestly. Girls bitching left and right about things that don't even MATTER. I think I've finally reached the point where I am ready for the coed college environment, thank you. Luckily, I only have about two weeks of it all left. (Seriously, I don't mind the people individually - it's just the whiny girl factor.) Plus I think I might go insane, because Ro (exchange student hosted by Ali's family #1) is coming back for a visit. Okay. I HATED HER. I didn't show it, but I HATED HER. I did a little dance when she left. She was such fun to be around when we had class together first semester, and then once she didn't have any use for me, she never missed a chance to cut me down. Then she'd act like I completely imagined her being a bitch. Then after she left she'd write me letters and email me like we were the best of friends, and I never answered one 'cause I thought she was so phony.
Right. Anyway. I started to cheer up eventually, except the bus trip down was annoying. If boys yell loud enough, they get to watch whatever damn movie they want. Which led to us being forced to watch Monty Python and the Holy Grail. It seems to be some kind of physical impossiblity for Ali to watch that movie without RECITING EVERY SINGLE LINE OF DIALOGUE ALONG WITH IT. And I do mean EVERY SINGLE LINE. I'd like to say I was generous and gave her ten minutes as a chance to stop, but with that kind of thing going every second seems an hour, so it was maybe five at max... "You know. It's AMAZING. I can actually hear EVERY WORD they're saying without you repeating it." Then she was kind of mad at me, but I really...didn't care, because you absolutely can't be doing that kind of thing without realizing it's irritating.
But...once we got to Disney, t'was fun. The California Adventure roller coaster is the best one I've ever been on. The hangliding-movie-ride was great too. And the ferris wheel was pretty terrifying but fun. Then we got into the park...
-even if there is a 66% chance you will go through the other two doors you haven't been through on the Indiana Jones ride, the 33% chance wins out.
-Thunder Mountain Railroad should only be ridden in the dark. Scary tunnels = FUN.
-not all rides were open, so I really don't consider this a real trip 'cause the damn teacups were closed. Between not having the teacups, It's A Small World, Snow White, Space Mountain (closed for renovation until, like, 2005), or Splash Mountain (stood in line for 30 minutes and then it broke, as it is prone to do)....wah.
-Alice in Wonderland: it was infinitely cool when I was little. Felt sad it didn't live up to the memory.
-Jungle Tour: should only be done with a guide at 6 AM, completely exhausted out of his mind. ("There's a duck. And a crocodile. The difference between the two, is one is plexiglass and one is plastic.") Knowing the timing for when the villagers in tribal masks both pop out of the bushes and then move back in: "Bad villagers! I don't like you! Now turn around! ... *they do so* .....hide! *they do so*" Then he started singing "I Got the Power" under his breath.
Slept the entire ride back, got home, went to dinner, and collapsed into bed to sleep for about thirteen hours. All in all, good. the best night of my life @ 01:11 p.m.
Thursday, May 15, 2003
Ingrid: Happy you like layout~ And EVERYONE loves Jonathan. I think.
A second, Jonathan-related true story.
The Monday after Conversations with Dead People aired: Everyone: ... Alicia: I have a confession to make. Everyone: ? Alicia: I've really, secretly, been madly in love with Jonathan all these years. Everyone: ...me, too.
Soon, off I trot to Disneyland - now feeling somewhat better. the best night of my life @ 11:22 a.m.
Wednesday, May 14, 2003
Ingrid: if he were a few inches taller, he'd be almost perfect. I wouldn't go as far as to say sexy, though. I mean, it's Jonathan. He's...adorable. I mostly just want to pounce on him and hug him forever. ^^; (I haven't forgotten about your CDs, by the way - just my burner's on the fritz before I'd burned even half of what I intended to send. Will try to fix things this weekend in the case my head has not exploded or been bitten off)
True story (vaguely related): Alicia was at a party where they were watching "The Mummy", and she was hanging off the couch, not really paying attention to the movie at all...until.
Brendon Fraiser:"Jonathan! Jonathan!" Alicia: *shoots straight up on the couch* OOH! JELLO!
Ugh...I really need to get to sleep... the best night of my life @ 11:56 p.m.
Wednesday, May 14, 2003
I think this has almost certainly been the worst week I've had in my entire fucking life. I'm starting to think I might not last the summer till college. I might just go absolutely off the spool, or I might get sent away as was previously threatened, or something. 'Cause I can't do this. My mother is I think, actually starting to genuinely hate me. She pretty much said today she was counting the days till I'm gone, and she won't miss me a whit once I'm out of the house.
I mess up. I won't deny that. I do it all the time. But I can't please everybody, and I'm being pulled in all directions. I had to explain to Mr. Y today why I wasn't there last night, and nothing humiliates me more than almost-crying in front of him, and I didn't even explain most of it.
I'm tired of high school. I'm tired of the people. I mostly want to slap the people I spend time around. I had to sit through two periods of economics of girls whining about the "strict dress code" for the Disneyland trip - the code basically requesting that nobody dresses like a total slut or poke eyes out with their outfit (no, really - literally, and people were complaining about it!). Like anyone was REALLY going to wear anything except jeans and a shirt anyway. I agree that the no candy/mints/makeup/anything policy seems ridiculous, but last year there were some massive issues and I'm firmly in the camp that says "suck it up 'cause we're GOING..." (randomly: last year on the trip, a girl was busted for choosing a really poor time to try out, ah, special brownies. She ended up being forced to make a speech about how much she learned from being busted for drugs on the trip, and got a MEDAL at graduation for her honesty and bravery for confessing and telling everyone. What the hell is wrong with my school sometimes?)
I just don't know anymore. I'm going to Disneyland, and the biggest reason I'm happy about that is since it's one less night I'll have to spend in my own home. I've been crying and crying these past few days. I'm trying to do something for everybody, and it's never enough. And I'm so tired. And I'm trying to figure out HOW I'M TRYING SO HARD and yet CAN'T DO A FUCKING THING RIGHT. Except disappointing people, I seem to be fucking amazing at that. And I don't understand, how I'm so horrible that this is happening to me. I'm a Catholic high school girl with the requisite plaid pleated skirt, on the high honor roll for every semester, and I'm so much of a good girl as far as teenageresque antics go that it's ridiculous.
And I've realized I've worked so hard, biting off more than I can chew for so long, and it doesn't get me anywhere. Lord. I just want to rest for a little while.
Highlight of my day: usually I keep up strained politeness with certain girl around school, but I was (obviously speaking softly enough so that only she was meant to hear) telling Alicia why I skipped last night, and this gossipy bitch who I normally tolerate quite well was sitting right in front of us, doing a really bad job of looking like she wasn't eavesdropping on my tragic life story. I stopped after a sentence and just sat and glowered at her, every time she tilted back to hear better. After she turned around the third or fourth time, she noticed that yes, it was her that I was trying to brutally kill with the power of my own eyes.
She actually got up and moved to the other side of her row. Victory! I feel somewhat proud. the best night of my life @ 10:36 p.m.
Tuesday, May 13, 2003
Oh, and new layout. I think I gave up attempts to convince myself I wasn't behaving like I was seven years old last night - after I watched the new Buffy last night, I actually jumped on my bed. Not entirely for joy, but.
I have email owed to many people, but since I have just narrowly escaped drowning in term paper sea and everything else that's going on...well, no other explanation needed. Wanna rot my brain now. the best night of my life @ 07:32 p.m.
Tuesday, May 13, 2003
So on Saturday, there was the joyous volunteer work and fashion show, in which I came to school at ten and did not leave until nine. On Sunday my mother refused to acknowledge my existence and wouldn't speak to me, so I spent a fair part of my afternoon locked in the bathroom crying. Yesterday I had a term paper to write, so I asked if I could ditch school to write it.
Today, there were a billion assignments I forgot to do, my prayer teacher was even meaner than usual to me...I've just got to bring this up, but why are religion teachers in school the most FUCKING OPPOSITE-OF-CHRISTIAN-LIVING PEOPLE I'VE EVER MET? (I'm talking the ones I've had who go with the retreats and prayers and religious life, not the Ph.D. who's brilliant and can answer a question ten different ways including the Hindu and Buddhist spins on the answer.) They're possibly the cruellest teachers I've ever had, and (suprise suprise) I don't feel my SPIRITUAL PATH is ADVANCING with the way they teach.
Right. Anyway. So I also missed chem lecture and am now totally lost, and Alicia wants to be tutored for her chem makeup test, but how can I not be upset at being expected to tutor her when she doesn't take notes and reads novels in class?
Finally I had to go to work, and I'm so tired of tutoring kids who don't even wanna try. I drove home and almost got into three accidents that weren't my fault - the horn on my car is hard to find, so I usually don't even bother, but I absolutely blared it tonight. I started crying between trips everywhere I drove, and ended up just screaming my head off at every idiot in 5:00 traffic who pulled in front of me on no-pass streets.
Tonight is Fine Arts night. I should be at school right now, giggling backstage and getting ready for the drama class presentation.
In four years of high school, I have never been able to say "no" to a single thing that's drama related. I've done three years of fall plays, one year of the musical, two years of ushering (for the two musicals I didn't get into), never missed a practice unless it was orthodonia-related, showed up early to most events to setup and brought concessions, cleaned up the stage area when needed, performed at the community Olympic Torch rally, put on shows twice for elementary school kids, did a segment at this year's fashion show, had a year's worth of actual drama class, and performed at both the schoolwide assemblies for the class, too.
I don't say no. Until tonight, I thought I was physically incapable. But tonight I came home and just sat and cried, and I couldn't find what I needed to wear anyway, and I cried so long that it would have been impossible for me to pull myself together into anything resembling presentable to be onstage, and...finally, nobody is coming to see me tonight anyhow, and when I performed the same piece at the school assembly, fucking morons didn't understand it and they giggled at me.
So. Here I am. And "no" doesn't really feel good, but tonight it doesn't feel bad. 'Cause I've done it for four years, and I've never said anything. And I never skipped a practice even when I was miserable, because I knew I'd be disappointed in myself even more. But I barely feel guilty at all tonight, and I'm just trying to think up a vaguely viable excuse for what I'll say tomorrow in class. the best night of my life @ 07:28 p.m.
.
.
MeMeimiAIM KSaintTail Raburabu Friends, art, theatre, manga, Buffy Music Once More with Feeling OST Games FFVIII DokidokiUSF
layout is Spike/Buffy goodness from "Touched". Sparkle-worthy scene for more reasons than I can count.
