[Sunday, April 6, 2003] np: Do What You Have to Do - Sarah McLachlan
Fuck.
I mean, really. Fuck.
I knew today would be bad, after I messed up but before it got actually bad. So I just went around town so I wouldn't have to go home and face it. I had a dollar in my wallet, and less than half a tank of gas.
If it had been, oh, say, a twenty or three and a full tank, I might have just taken off. I don't know where. Maybe I would have just kept driving and driving till I ran out of gas.
Now, after coming home and...really feeling as though my life is actually...at the all-time low...
The idea's still kind of tempting. In a way that it never has been before in my life.
I really, really don't know what to do. The worst part is that it's in my power to fix it, I just don't know how, and if I don't...
Then...I'm going to be stuck in a really, really horrible situation. And I have this very scary feeling that if I wake up tomorrow, things will not be the tiniest bit better after a night of sleep.
Anything besides this seems very small and petty. I'm ditching most of school tomorrow due to an appointment, so hopefully I'll have time to think instead of just cry like all tonight, but...
Yeah.
I don't think this was exactly an empty threat. I don't think it will happen because I can not fucking let it. And that's all there is to it. So I have to shape up and make myself and everyone else happy.
[Saturday, April 5, 2003]
The verdict on the D.N.Angel anime, according to Les:
I think I'm going to go cry.
THE BAD (and oh is it bad):
-she said the main cast was really bad...Daisuke is apparently not the girl who voiced Haku?!! because he sounds like an actual, shudder, *boy*. Her words were, "of the main cast, Ishida was the best". (But, Daisuke is really the worst of the bunch...Dark keeps giving Shigure flashbacks...the twins are okay but they should have been switched. I don't even remember who the twins' seiyuu were, but I do remember the moment I saw Riku's I said, "the hell? shouldn't that be Risa?")
-the setting is...uh...
....not...in Japan...
Japan is gone. We are now in, uh, a very French atmosphere. Daisuke's family appears to live in some type of villa. Their school is castle-like. We have cobblestone streets.
You're all crying now? Good.
-well...the voices are apparently bad and we appear to be in France. Do I need to go more in depth than that? Already I think I'll cry when I watch.
THE GOOD:
-the animation's pretty.
-flashback!Krad in first episode. All the Kusao Takeshi without the wait. Yum.
-I mentioned Krad, right?
Right. Now I think I'll go cry. France?! only one wing @ 09:11 p.m.
[Thursday, April 3, 2003]
Watch as Meimi sits around and glowers at every filesharing program she has, hitting the "search" button again. And again. And again. Howling that ONE of them better cough up a certain Sugisaki anime SOON. C'mon! I thought even raw, the first episode would spread like wildfire...
Leigh, but somehow it always seems like you're updating, though, even if it's not every few days. I never really feel like I'm in Schism-withdrawal ^^;; But yeah - right now it is the only thing I'm working on (I wanna do color pictures~~ T-T no time~) and I'm about to go crazy XD In an okay way though, I'm just going to need a few days off next week.
I finished seven pages from scratch in three or four days...but have entered toning burnout and now must resign myself to only drawing and inking. Will tone them all on the weekend at once, I swear it...I really wanna finish by Sunday, but if I don't (have doctor appointment tomorrow and am touring college Saturday), then I'm doomed not to have time till Wednesday.
Feeling slightly crazy. I really didn't know I could draw this many pages in such a short amount of time. Scary. only one wing @ 07:09 p.m.
[Wednesday, April 2, 2003] np: Hi no Ataru Basho - Yonekura Chihiro
*dies* I honestly don't see how people out there manage to do manga-style webcomics every few days. Especially colored ones - does a tablet make it that much faster and easier?
Staring at page 23, inked and ready to go, but getting the feeling I might go insane if I open up Photoshop (and the toning's the easy part... T-T). Just seven or eight more pages. Maybe. Not sure, hard to guess this time what will fit on what page. Which means I should be drawing it to find out. Right.
Yes, my life will be incredibly boring until this is done. Expect blogging over the next few days to consist of mainly things like, "six more to go...!" or "three more to go...!" only one wing @ 07:21 p.m.
[Tuesday, April 1, 2003] np: Watashi ni Happy Birthday - Hayashibara Megumi
Wonderful ditch day. I outlined one of my term papers, did some research, slept in, went to work, talked to Les albeit briefly, and finished two pages of Bound (going in for a third).
In other news, I am a wicked, wicked girl. Wait, that's not news, but anyway. For the past few months, it's been one of my big goals in life (besides, you know, ah, graduating and college and stuff) to hook Les on Buffy. My obvious ulterior motive is that I require more people to trade fic and/or squeal fangirlishly with. But I just couldn't manage it, because it's hard to trick her into watching it when she's on the other side of the country.
Until now. *evil laughter*
*a while ago* Meimi: *casually* You know...the Very Gay Boy got his own episode. Les: !
Meimi: (FU. FU. FU)
*today* Les: -had to keep telling myself by the end of it, "I will not get hooked on Buffy, I will not get hooked on Buffy, I will not - oh, damn." Les: And I'm still not quite hooked on it, but I'm starting to like it a lot more. I have a weak spot for angsting once-genki characters. Meimi: ........angsting once-genki gaaaaaay characters? Les: are even beeeettterrr~~~
I'm entirely too pleased with myself right now.
Working working working. Bound will be done this weekend. Pay no attention to the window's magical disappearing and reappearing act. Shiori, if I don't see you first, check the new pages up to 21 or 22. I'm starting to become genuinely pleased with the art quality for the first time, I think - at least in spots, there are still some frames that are really bad, but overall I'm really pleased. only one wing @ 07:33 p.m.
[Monday, March 31, 2003] np: Soliel - Gackt
Really?! You haven't seen Utena? You should at least try to get hold of the first episode and listen to the smug goodness of smugly almost-evil Kusao Takeshi XD If he doesn't use something similar to that voice for Krad, I'll be really sad - just a splash of keigo and it'll be perfect. ^^; Utena is my #1 favorite series ever so I'm really biased though; it's definitely not everyone's cup of tea.
Ingrid~! XO You're supposed to mention your birthday, like, a week in advance!! Now I feel like I've neglected you! I'll have to draw you something pretty and add in something even more especially snazzy in your CD package now~!
I'm cutting school tomorrow because half the senior class is gone and all the junior class is gone, so we're not doing anything in any classes. Today was a total waste of my time too...it started off with my car key refusing to turn in the ignition... ^^;; I got to school about 10 minutes late, went to the office, and...
Office: What's your excuse? Meimi: My car wouldn't start. Office: That's not a valid excuse. Meimi: ...you're kidding. Office: *snidely* Don't you read your handbook? Meimi: (This probably wouldn't be an opportune time to point out that nobody does, including the majority of the teachers.) So wait. Let me get this straight...your car not starting isn't an excuse for being late. Office: No. Meimi: ...
Two of my teachers were absent and we didn't do a single thing in any of my classes...I spent three or four periods plus lunch sitting in the library drawing Bound. I take it back about the updating now, I'm going so fast I'll just update it this weekend - 100% complete, all thirty or so pages. XD I only have about eight or nine pages left to draw and it's going the fastest it ever has. It's funny, these are scenes I was nervous about since the start of the series and I'm having more fun drawing them than any so far (except for maybe the end of act 2 and the start of 3). Hopefully I can get some of it done tomorrow...though tomorrow I want to run off to Borders (under the guise of doing research for term papers) and finish Neverwhere, which I began reading at the bookstore this weekend and am unfortunately far too poor to buy. Ohohoho. only one wing @ 07:55 p.m.
[Monday, March 31, 2003]
Oh...oh, no.
"Kyou mo! Atashi-tachi! Gokigen naname! Chikayoru to~! kooowaaaai wa yoooo~!"
It's bad. Now I'l never get the song out of my head.
Seishirou: Kyaada! Kyaada! Aite wa suteki na bishounen! *kirakira* Hokuto: Dakara, nan na no?! (No molesting my brother in that skirt.) Fuuma: Tomadotteiru toki ja naaaaaai! Seishirou: Tsurai kedo, yuuki wo dashite, henshin shichau~! only one wing @ 10:56 a.m.
[Monday, March 31, 2003]
...
I think I might have just gotten the most bizarre referrer ever. Even more bizarre than ones asking for crossover DilandauxImpmon doujinshi.
[Saturday, March 29, 2003] np: All That Jazz - Chicago
I was awakened by pounding on my door at around eight AM or some other completely unreasonable hour for a Saturday (I believe strongly in being allowed to sleep until eleven-thirty).
I stumbled out of bed and opened the door to find my mother standing there. I guessed we must have won the lottery, because not only was that the only adequate excuse for waking me up, but she looked like - like Suppi set loose in a candy shop.
"I figured it out," she said triumphantly. "Why you keep getting rejected by colleges!"
I stared at her, blearily, wordlessly, and wondered how her theory would be different from the obvious and true, "your grades sucked compared to the rest of our applicant pool and we don't want you" reason.
"Because," my mother says proudly. "You're seventeen. The colleges don't want to be responsible for a minor, so they're rejecting you. Don't you feel SO much better now?"
I stared at her for a few more seconds, shut the door, and crawled back into bed. Had she not mentioned this again at a more reasonable hour later in the day, I really would have thought I dreamed the whole thing up. Whatever makes her happy, right? It's not like I care, because I'm pretty sure I know where I'm going now, and I'll probably be completely sure by next weekend or the one after.
In other news, I finished four more pages of Bound today, and tomorrow I really want to finish three or four more. I'll probably update the site then, after I get up around page twenty-two for a semi-appropriate cutoff point.
Ingrid, re: Buffy. If Giles isn't evil, then this week's episode was just...wah. He's seemed kind of off since he came back - I'd like to think he's smarter than to go behind Buffy's back. Spike is Special. Though I really liked the bit with Andrew: "There's a guy named Fred on the phone for you? He sounds kind of...effeminate." XD only one wing @ 11:06 p.m.
[Friday, March 28, 2003]
I seem to recall a ton of people freaking at the DNAngel cast list release, because no Kosuke listed. Fear not, official site has him in there. I don't know who it is, but it's not Seki Toshihiko (damn it). only one wing @ 11:21 a.m.
[Thursday, March 27, 2003] np: Funny Honey - Chicago
Started job today. I'm handing out milk, helping with homework, and doing arts and crafts with elementary kids. For twelve dollars an hour. I feel like I'm practically stealing, having a job this easy and making $21 a day. O_O I sat around and watched kids braid lanyards for an hour and made $12 for it. Seriously. And at the same time I'll be there, someone wants me to tutor their kid a little extra in sixth-grade math. For, like, $16 an hour. XO Which, if I could juggle both, would have me at $28 an hour. You've got to be kidding me.
Riiight. And I take back Bound act 3 being 40 pages long, it's more around thirtyish, current rough estimate is thirty-two...I'm not going to be as ridiculous as to say I'll finish it this weekend, but it'll be close. I've inked up to 18 or 19 so I just need to take the time to photoshop...I'm really enjoying it now I'm getting back into drawing it again. I just really wish I had a tablet, it would make editing the pages *so* much easier.
The house has been systematically removed of all chocolate. Wah. I think I've got a little more direction now, but overall I'm still a little mopey. Okay, a lot. only one wing @ 07:09 p.m.
[Tuesday, March 25, 2003]
I am a firm believer in comfort food in times of misery. As a result, I think I'll gain five pounds from the crap I ate today alone. The sheer amount of chocolate I ate is almost sickening in retrospect. Note to all colleges of the world: yaaaaaargh. I have not clue one where I'm going. I don't particularly want to go anywhere that's taken me (not badly, anyway). I have approximately one month to figure this out. One word: fuck.
In other news, Bound is updated with the first twelve pages of chapter three and a new layout. I'll probably update again on the weekend - I'm mostly done with up to page 17. I don't really want to make a habit of partial chapter updates...but I think this chapter might be around 40 pages so it'll be the exception.
I was also hunting through pages from the previous chapters today too...wow, there's such a difference between one and three. Shock. I'm still only happy about half the time with chapter three, but it's more due to laziness/mixed quality of panels (half of a page sloppy, but the other half too decent to trash). Siiigh.
I'm lucky I get out early tomorrow, otherwise I was planning on insisting upon a mental health day. I'm only going to school because 1: early dismissal, and 2: I ate all the chocolate in the house already. only one wing @ 11:14 p.m.
Meimi: JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT IT WAS OVER... Meimi: JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT, AFTER THE HELL THAT WAS EIKOUDEN, SOMEONE WOULD SAY, "For God's sake, let it DIE".... Les: .... Les: Oh. Oh, no. Les: Please, no. Meimi: Oh yes yes yes. XD Meimi: Iiiiit's FUSHIGI YUUGI: GENBU KAIDEN!!! Les: NOOOOOOO!!! Les: LET IT DIIIIIIIIIE!!!! Les: ...what about the anime? Meimi: I was just thinking that an anime would be inevitable. Wonder how long it'll take for one to be announced. Les: Heh. I'm suprised they even waited for her to draw it first.
How many of you are going to be reading it?
And when I say reading, I mean ashamedly sneaking it into your pile of manga as you walk past the Watase section at Kinokuniya.
I know I'm going to be reading it and hating myself for it. A lot. Because haven't we all had enough FY? I mean, is there a single person out there who hasn't watched FY to the point that they're sick of it and disgusted with themselves for collecting it in the first place?
I'm starting to think Watase is aspiring to the evils of CLAMP addictions, since I don't know why I'm going to read this. I mean, at least CLAMP girls are likable i.e. of the non-hobag/non-ditzy variety (for the most part, anyway - I mean, I do get the impression that Nagisa's head is literally filled with air, but that's a completely different subject).
In other news, Academy Awards were awesome. Every category I cared about won with the movie I wanted. Chicago swept it, LotR won for Gollum, and Spirited Away won in an obvious display of good taste. only one wing @ 11:11 p.m.
[Thursday, March 20, 2003]
*does happy dance of college acceptance joy*
After I thought I totally screwed up my chances of getting into USF with a late transcript, I got the acceptance today. I'm feeling so unbelievably happy right now. All the good news came at once today: the acceptance to USF with some special major program because I ranked in top 20% of freshman applicants, a scholarship program application from SDSU, and...
Well, I don't know if accepted to UCI is good news, as especially after hearing your experience I don't think I'd go if it were the last college on earth...but, um, well, got in there too. ^^;;
Anyway. I'm fairly content at the moment, college-wise. only one wing @ 10:20 p.m.
[Wednesday, March 19, 2003]
.....
The multicultural assembly was a disaster. It would have been a disaster even had it been properly organized, but the poor organization sure didn't help. Our school's crappy sound system choked and died a sorry, smoking death yesterday during the final practice. So they hauled in a replacement which nobody knew how to use. Music for the entry dance kept going longer than we had steps, and girls who were singing had their microphones cut out completely.
In addition, I sat down in front of the most obnoxious group of sophomores, who were bitching about having to be there the entire time, without even bothering to whisper. I was about this close from turning around to go, "Excuse me, will you please SHUT THE FUCK UP?" Or siccing the dean on them, but so many people were being rude that it was impossible for her to nab everyone. I saw her standing off to the sidelines completely open-mouthed in shock at how horrible the school was being.
All in all, not worth coming to school for when I only had one class. Which was prayer.
Oh, except I did find out that the college that rejected me (UCLA) is apparently not so big on California residents this year. People with way higher GPAs than me didn't get in - the only girl from our school who did has a brother enrolled there. I mean, I'm not that miserable that I was rejected (it was more of a "oh no, if they didn't want me, I won't get into any other good colleges" worry), but it's incredibly pleasant to not have to think, "If only I'd worked harder," because people taking three AP classes didn't get in either. ^^; only one wing @ 07:37 p.m.
[Wednesday, March 19, 2003]
.... =_=
I overslept this morning. Till ten-thirty. My classes start at eight-ten.
.....
After school, I have to go to the doctor to be stuck repeatedly with a needle.
[Tuesday, March 18, 2003] np: Adolescence Mokushiroku OST - Utena
Nrgh. Simply said, I'm glad I only joined the multicultural club this year. The assembly is just too much. I didn't have a free period today, so I had to give up all my lunch and beg off a class to work on decorations for the theater. So I had no free time today during school, plus I stayed after school an hour and a half for practice and further decorating. Then it turns out the assembly is at the end of the day tomorrow, so no leaving early for me.
Oh, and I'm starting to enter this panic that I won't get into a single decent college. I got my first rejection yesterday. To tell truth, I don't particularly want to go anywhere I think I'm going to get into. And, my mom already says I'm never allowed to transfer out once I choose, which is one of the most fucked up things I've ever heard of. So I don't even have the cushioning thought of, "well, if it doesn't work out, I can just..."
I'm actually not worried about it right now, since I've only gotten 3 replies so far, but I should be worrying about it. Right now I'm mostly concentrating on not falling flat on my face through the entry dance at tomorrow's assembly though ^^; only one wing @ 07:38 p.m.
[Monday, March 17, 2003]
Random question, maybe someone can explain...obvious spoiler for Eva 8. ^^;
In Eva 8, when the NERV guys first come to Misato, she takes out her gun and places it on her desk (guess the NERV guys picked it up walking out). But, in the scene where you just see the gloved hand doing the actual shooting, it's a completely different gun. In the later scene, the NERV guy returns the gun from the first scene to Misato.
What exactly was the point? ^^; Just so the gun wouldn't be traced back to her? I'm totally confused. She shot Kaji, yes? I mean, who else would it be? Yet, at the end, she asks, "Kare wa?" Which seems a weird question to ask about someone you just shot. Maybe if I read it more closely I'll understand; I've more or less flipped through it so far.
EDIT:
Upon rereading, Misato obviously didn't shoot him. I always thought the anime implied she had though (I didn't think that made much sense either though). *siiiigh* Or maybe I got the completely wrong idea on all accounts.
Oh and I had read the answering machine bit too quickly on the first reading, too. T_T "Katsuragi, if I ever see you again - I'll finish saying the words I couldn't say last time." ("My feelings for you these past eight years haven't changed. I really always have...")
[Monday, March 17, 2003]
My weekend was solved by trip to Kino. Pretty much all of my worries can be solved by material possessions, at least, in the case that they feature yaoi fun (and oh, did they). Snagged Eva 8 (still haven't quite picked myself off the floor from the wails of halfhearted indignation in Sadamoto's general direction - DAMN YOU FOR MAKING ME LOVE HIM AND STILL DOING THIS!), Gravi 12 (Hiro. Skirt. Pigtails. PLATFORM BOOTS.), D.N.Angel 7 (cover pretty), and Bokura no Oukoku 2 (shameless s-ai fun with every lame and pathetic cliche in the book, but any manga that fusses for four pages with seme invading uke's personal space to tie his tie? That just CAN'T be wrong).
Phi, thank you~~ and the picture on the layout is actually pretty old, it's not from new Asuka. I think it's from volume four, when Daisuke passes out after the mirror incident.
Lisa, thank you~ *hugs* I hope your server's up soon - will there be pink sakura-y goodness with DaisukexKen layout, then? *shimmershimmer*
Ingrid, happy you like layout. If calling me a wonderful godlike individual meant you wanted me to burn Angel episodes for you, could you email me your address? ^^
Amichi, thanks so much for the CD. *hearts* It brought me great joy in the hell that was last week. *hugs*
I actually have ten billion things I should be doing right now, but I also don't feel like it. ^^; I have so far accomplished nothing today, unless you count gushing over TV with Alicia ("WILLOW! ON ANGEL!!" "EEE!" "EEE!" "....maybe SHE'LL beat up Connor!" ".....EEEE!!!"). Or reading Gravi 12 in psych class and trying not to giggle out loud through the lecture. only one wing @ 11:34 a.m.
[Thursday, March 13, 2003]
Day improved after that, but only slightly.
Mr. Y took me aside at breaktime and told me not to be upset. I'm still really unhappy - I feel very foolish for casting the girl as the lead in my scene, because if I'd thought harder, I would have realized I could only meet a bad end. But, he also told me that in his experience, too, she won't try to work or grow after a very short point. This is all right and good, but I still feel kind of silly and miserable. And I also almost cried in front of him, an act that makes me feel absolutely ridiculous. Actually, I spent almost the entire day trying to hold off tears.
Though after school, when I wailed at Alicia, she let me bask in her sarcastic comfort: "Not to insult her, but you know...she's stupid. I know her. She doesn't know what 'capricious' means. In your scene, she obviously doesn't know plenty of the words she's saying: 'inundated', 'capitulate'..." Which made me feel better, to a degree.
Oh, and I didn't fail my chem test. I definitely didn't get an A, but I definitely didn't fail. Somewhere in the B range, methinks. My prayer service is over with too - it was possibly five minutes long. Erk.
I have lots of social blogging I want to do, but I'm just way too tired. I want to collapse into bed now. only one wing @ 04:52 p.m.
[Thursday, March 13, 2003]
Ugh. Damn it.
Things were going just way too well. I should have known. I was in such a good mood yesterday that I was running through my house alone, singing at the top of my lungs. So it was time for a Bad Day.
Ali called me last night, sounding very normal when she said we weren't going to get together tonight. Then she burst into tears when she told me that her grandfather just passed away. I didn't really know him all that well, but I couldn't help feel miserable as I worried myself into a frenzy about both Ali and Les.
My mother was utterly unsympathetic, in the way that, "let's send a card," closes the worry off. Not like it's her problem. Then she nagged me about filling out financial aid forms. I was not happy.
Oh, I mentioned I have a huge chem test, right? The first of the new quarter, which I might flunk? It's hard to study when you're worrying about other things like that, though.
I told myself very firmly that I was going to have a good day besides today, so I woke up at six-thirty so I could go to Starbucks. I snagged hot chocolate and a croissant, put both in the car, and drove off to school. I usually don't drink any till I get to school, since by then it's pleasantly warm and doesn't singe my mouth. Things were going great until I hit the speed bumps of my school parking lot, spilled the hot chocolate on my leg (luckily entering the lukewarm stage, but still unpleasantly sticky), and was so distracted by the spillage that I ran into the lot divider curbs. Am extremely lucky that I didn't hit anything else when trying to back my car off the divider. And, of course, even luckier that it didn't dent my car.
I sat, ate my croissant and drank my hot chocolate, and told myself very firmly that I was going to have an excellent day, during which I would study hard for the test.
Just had drama class, when the scene I directed was performed. I have never been so mortified in my entire life. And I mean that seriously. The girls in my scene didn't know a single line. I prompted more than one-third of the scene, until finally Mr. Y put me out of my misery and told us to just stop. I looked like a total fool in front of my class - the other directed scenes were not exactly good, but ours was by far the worst.
I feel vaguely miserable. After drama class, I was seriously considering just going off to have a good cry somewhere. I really do need to study - I don't know the material well at all - but with such a day like this, I feel like it's completely impossible to do well on a test.
Oh, and I have to do my prayer service at lunch, too. This day just never ends, and I knew it would be bad at the beginning of the week, before it got really bad. only one wing @ 09:25 a.m.
[Monday, March 10, 2003] np: Endless Sorrow - Hamasaki Ayumi
New layout. Have I mentioned that I love Sugisaki lately?
Right. This was pretty much my fun for the entire week. Erk. And I'm getting tired of my Buffyblog layout too, so must fix that on the weekend if I have time.
To do:
-transcripts, send
-graphic art, send
-work permit
-chem thesis statement
-prayer service
-chem test
-psych test
-FAFSA sig
Must go...crawl into bed now, and attempt to get at least a third of that list finished tomorrow. Ugh. only one wing @ 11:52 p.m.
.
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MeMeimiAIM KSaintTail Raburabu Friends, art, theatre, manga, Buffy Music Ayu Games DDR Konamix, FFVIII Movies HP:CoS, LotR, Chicago Dokidoki college
layout features Hiwatari Satoshi and Niwa Daisuke from D.N.Angel. "Niwa...sumanai." Brushes from vbrush.
