[Monday, April 19, 2004 ]
Make it stop. This is ridiculous.

I'm disappointed in myself more than anything. I'm just stupid. I overanalyze and then I try to make myself disregard it.

Key word TRY.
Do I? No.
What happens? I get my hopes up.
What happens then? I get disappointed. No, not disappointed, crushed.

It's my fault. I regret it. I regret everything.

Yeah, I'm stupid.

[Liberated at 10:26 p.m.] :: [ ]

~~~

[Sunday, April 18, 2004 ]
It started out as just a trip to Starbucks... After school on Friday, Ashley and I went to Starbucks. We talked and stuff. Then we decided to stop by Ross "really quick" to take a look at dresses. Then...

We suddenly hear: "Tricia!"
*look at each other*
*peek around racks of dresses*
*see Hope*
*see Trish*
*stare at them until they notice* (which took them a while... -_-;)

Tee hee. That was pretty funny. So yeah, we all looked at dresses and stuff. After that Hope and Ashley decided to find SHORT SHORT skirts (good gawd...) While we waited for Trish's mom to show up and look at this GORGEOUS dress that Trish was thinking about buying.

Stuff happened and blah. Afterwards, we went to the mall for food. Ate and didn't talk for a few minutes. When Ashley pointed out the silence, we all agreed on the fact that we were all thinking about our own issues. (Well, three of us were considering lesbianism and the other one was thinking about naked men. Really? No, not really. Or, wait, wellllll...) Anyway, after we finished eating we went and looked at jewelry and other stuff. Yay. Anyway, by the end of night everyone felt a bit better. (Excluding the fact that I was pretty really tired)

Next day, woke up at 7:20ish. That was bad. I was supposed to meet the SNHS people at the school at 7:30. -_-; Jumped out of bed, got dressed and stuff, and ran out the door. Only to find that traffic to get to the school was absolutely HORRID. Apparently, there were teachers taking an exit test thing there. -_-; Anyway, I went home because I was REALLY late by the time I got there, and I didn't have anyone's number. I got on AIM and prayed that Ryan was one Mobile mode, which he was! So I IMed him to call me and he did and gave me directions to the construction site. I went and built a house (kinda) for an hour and then went to the theatre car wash. Woo-hoo. So that happened, then I went to Trish's and hung around with her for a bit. Then I went to the school and took part of a practice Euro AP. Came home. Did stuff and fell asleep at around 9ish. Woke back up at 12ish, prepared myself for bed and then went back to sleep. Woke up for Chinese school today, and did that. Whoopty doo.

Other than that... I rediscovered Alanis Morissette's Jagged Little Pill CD after hearing her perform an acoustic version of "Head Over Feet" on my way to school on Thursday.

"I had no choice but to hear you
You stated your case time and again
I thought about it
You treat me like I’m a princess
I’m not used to liking that
You ask how my day was

You’ve already won me over in spite of me
Don’t be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Don’t be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn’t help it
It’s all your fault"

I almost forgot how good that song was...

Oh yeah, and I added a link to Kurt Halsey's site to the "Sites I Like" section. If you don't know who that is, he's an artist. He's the one who drew this:

I highly recommend that you go to the site and look at the rest of his work.

I also had two dreams that were good until I woke up and realized what the real current situation was. Ick.

[Liberated at 02:46 p.m.] :: [ ]

~~~

[Saturday, April 17, 2004 ]
Stranger than your sympathy,
This is my apology
I'm killing myself from the inside out,
And all my fears have pushed you out.

I wish for things that I don't need.
All I wanted
And what I chase won't set me free.
All I wanted
And I get scared but I'm not crawling on my knees.

Oh yeah, everything's all wrong, yeah.
Everything's all wrong, yeah.
Where the hell did I think I was?

Stranger than your sympathy.
I take these things so I don't feel.
I'm killing myself from the inside out,
Now my head's been filled with doubt.

It's hard to lead the life you choose,
All I wanted
When all your luck's run out on you.
All I wanted
And you can't see when all your dreams are coming true.

Oh yeah, it's easy to forget, yeah.
You choke on the regrets, yeah.
Who the hell did I think I was?

Stranger than your sympathy,
All these thoughts you stole from me.
I'm not sure where I belong.
Nowhere's home and I'm all wrong

And I wasn't all the things
I tried to make believe I was.
And I wouldn't be the one to kneel
Before the dreams I wanted
And all the talk and all the lies
Were all the empty things disguised as me
Yeah.
Stranger than your sympathy.
Stranger than your sympathy.

~Goo Goo Dolls - Sympathy

[Liberated at 07:00 p.m.] :: [ ]

~~~