Rate Me on BlogHop.com!

help?

Wednesday, September 11, 2002

I just got back from Starbucks. I totally had to get out of the house again. Nothing was on TV and I simply couldn't concentrate on reading or my homework at all. :o( I'm so lucky the Jeep started right up so I could escape for a little bit. I guess if I was being completely honest I was kind of half hoping I would see Brandan again. A victim of my bad luck, of course he wasn't there! So I just sat there for a while and read the newpaper and zoned out. The paper wouldn't let me flutter away one bit. Every article I looked at was so icky and all the 9-11 stuff made it even worse. I mean in Ottawa they found some mysterious powder that might be anthrax and here they still haven't caught whomever hurt that girl my same age at a party. *SHIVER!* The newspaper completely made my head pulse. As if it could get any worse, I caught the voice of Gwynn talking to some at the table opposite mine and behind a potted tree. I almost swear it was Cheryl, but I never got a good look at her face. I did see Gwynn, though, through the branches of the scrawny tree. I couldn't believe what they were talking about! Gwynn was all excited because Playboy was at KU looking for girls to pose for them. She was even sort of mock scheming to pretend to be a KU student to try to get picked. How could she be mad at me for not like Tori as much when from what she was saying it's quite OBVIOUS she has never really listened to a WORD Tori has ever sung? She is such a hippogriff. I bet her brain is the size of the smallest pea in the world! >: >( I snuck out as soon as possible after that. Joe Racoon spied me as soon as I was outside, He had a big smile on his face and he waved at me. I did a little wave back as I jumped into my Jeep. Just as I started the engine, I heard Joe hollar something at me. I'm not sure what. I got home as fast as my little wheels could roll me down the road. Good thing I wasn't completely spaced out, though. A few blocks from home I almost hit that black goat that tried to charge me a bit back. It was standing in the road again. You know, if people are going to have pets they should really take care of them! One of these days that goat is going to be hurt and it's going to be the owners' complete fault. It will be completely sad. OK, I need to slip into sleepyland now, if my brain will quit bouncing around inside my head. I'll see you next time, same place. LOL. *Hugs*

Wednesday, September 11, 2002

End of Innocence

The end of our innocence
Was seen in twisted steel,
In shattered glass and hearts
Of those who cannot feel.

What tainted mind could
Ever dream of this?
What dark heart would
Ever make it real?

Our hopes and dreams drown
As a mourning nation cries,
From sea to salty sea
Tears run from every eye.

How can we recover
from this loss?
How can our hearts
Begin to heal?

Together we must stand,
For they want us to fall.
And even through this tragedy
America stands tall.

At assembly today everything was a strange mix of good and bad things, happy and sad moments. I thought it would be really lame and shallow and all that and it was...while not being all that way. It's weird, it was both I guess. Does anyone know what I mean? There were jerks of course and there were stupid things like all of us being told to bow our heads in a prayer (how could they get away with that in schools today, sanctioning a religion like that!?) or having to put up with seeing the President's big, dumb monkey head blown up on the wall. lol, in case you can't tell I don't think highly of the President! He's kind of cute actually, but in a cuddly animal kinda way! Erm, this is all probably totally inappropriate I guess. Sorry. :-( I'm an idiot. *beats head with grandfather's journal* Anyway, even as much as I can't stand our fake President I was getting sentimental at what he was saying. And even with all the jerks I was overall happy to be there. The first speaker was a professor from KU who's sisters worked in the World Trade Center. His speech was truly moving, I cried. lol But at least I wasn't the only one! It's these personal tragedies that hit home the most to me. The numbers are big but I can't really understand them but I can really relate to the personal accounts like that. Achingly so. The band played alot, while scrolling the names of all the people that died. The principle gave a canned speech, and even that grabbed at me, lol. It was during the story of a guy that made it out only to die when he went back in to save his fiancee, who had made it out, that I just had to leave. I couldn't take it! The story was told through a play by our drama club. Gawd, it was convincing and heartbreaking. Will we ever find a way to live like the ideal of the faeries? Will we ever earn their trust? Will we ever deserve it? We are humans and it is our own kind we hurt the most. *tears up*

Today was my first practice with the 'band with no name yet'. lol I can't even describe how nervous I was! It was like having a boxer punch me in the gut and then drop me off a cliff, you know that feeling when you're falling, like that! My mouth was dry, my heart was racing, *totally bizarre* my calves were cramped up and killing me, all the stereotypical signs of stage fright with that weird one too. But it was actually much better than I was fearing, thankfully. So very much better! (c: We only worked on those two songs they asked me to write lyrics for, besides a little bit of goofing around and that kind of shit. I should have known it would be relaxed like that since I went last time. I guess I was super-sized nervous just because I was actually participating this time. Anyway, they liked the lyrics. LOL I couldn't believe it! I guess if I'm going to be singing my lyrics I should be able to work up enough courage to post them! *sigh* Any mistakes I made were mercifully glossed over by all the focus on mistakes being put on Patrick, who seemed distracted. Thank you Patrick! I hope whatever's bothering you gets resolved...but not before I get smoother! lol :o) Anyway, we only practiced for two hours before Ray had to go home, something about being punished for breaking curfew. (I don't realize how good in some ways I have it, being the woman of the house.)

Chip mentioned he saw a music video with a maneki neko in it. I think it was techn9ne, like the gun. I don't remember the name of the video. I don't listen to rap very much, so I have no clue how good or how popular he is. *stares witless* He said it was gold and waving. From my reading up on maneki neko I'm pretty sure gold means 'good fortune'. The different colors have different meanings apparently, like there are different kinds of Buddhas that mean different things.

Wow! It looks like I was wrong, thank gawd. Dad called yet again and said there was a sudden change of his already suddenly changed plans. (c: Lol, that's how business works with my Dad, last minute changes are the only constant! At least I'm glad he'll be getting home finally so I can kick him in the shins and then give him a big bear *hug*! Isn't it ironic that he'll be getting back before the maneki neko he mailed arrives? lol It's funny how life works like that and stuff. Crazy. But a good kind of crazy like Joe Racoon or bumping into a good friend when you were just thinking about them and stuff like that. :o) <---(new face I learned from a friend, I like to call it 'happy clown' or 'drunk politician' LOL) LOL Actually I guess 'drunk politician' is completely better if I do it like this... :o) hehehehehe <---(trying a new laugh again, I get tired of lol, which I totally overuse)

*wishes the whole planet was wrapped in a big faerie and human peace hug*

P.S. Thank you person for the suggestion for a name of our band! I told the guys when I was leaving and we'll talk about it more next practice. I liked it, I think they did too. We'll see! If we pick it you'll get a special 'no prize' which means you'll get nothing as a prize, lol. Actually, you'll get many thanks and tons of giant *hugs*, as if that mattered to anyone. *thoughts stray to boys like Brandan and men like Matthew* GROWL!

Wednesday, September 11, 2002

I went home sick after the assembly today. I just couldn't handle it all. *shivers* I feel like a bad person because I mostly thought about Chann Anand Kaur, my closest friend, who a lot of people picked on after 9-11. I remember going to my locker, which I shared with Chann, only to get there to see North and his crew of cavemen saying the rudest things possible like asking if her Dad was going to blow up Lawrence. How ridiculous is that? Dr. Singh has to be one of the nicest people I've ever met. He was an awesome dentist, unlike others I've gone to who make me feel like crying as they poke about in my mouth scraping and picking at my teeth. :o( I wish people had left Chann alone. Everyday was horrible for her. People were just beyond cruel to her. In December her family moved away to Modesto, California to live around people who weren't complete jerks like in Lawrence. I can't blame them, though I miss Chann. I mean, none of this is to say Cheryl isn't my best friend or anything. I don't know. Chann and I just had a lot in common. We understood each other. Ugggh! I need to veg out for a little while. I'll be back. *Hugs*

Tuesday, September 10, 2002

I fell asleep on the couch watching VH-1 and had this completely screwed up dream. :o( When I woke up I felt totally disoriented like I'd been on the merry-go-round at the state fair for way too long. Here's what I remember, though I have to admit that most of its not cohering to my brain very well now that I'm all bright eyed and brushy tailed. ANYWAY, I was at Starbucks reading this Soldier Of Fortune magazine because I had to for some wacky homework assignment. I'm just sitting there sipping my mocha and turning pages, looking for something that I can't remember. Then I feel this shiver climb up my spine as this hand taps me on the shoulder. Things get a little vague now, so let me say I'm sorry now. ANYWAY, I turn my head to see who it is and it's that homeless Indian guy who I found Manny with a few nights a go. He asks if he can join me at my table, and I guess I said OK because he sits down and starts drinking water like there's no today out of this red suede covered canteen. Finishing, he wipes his mouth with the back hand and then just sits there looking at me sternly like he's my dad or something. I ask him what he wants, but he just shakes his head like he's disappointed in me. A few minutes pass before the Indian in this really deep voice starts telling me these things he expects me to already know. When he sees that I don't, he slams his fist down on the table, knocking over my mocha, which spills all over the floor. Stuff got really creepy then but I can't seem to remember any of it very well because I woke up. Boy, did my head feel messed up! *shudders*

After shaking the spider webs out of my head, I totally needed to escape from the house so I shoved all my books into my backpack and hopped in my Jeep to go Starbucks and read some Lolita. I hadn't even looked at the book since I bought it to get a head start. When I got there, guzzling my mocha, I checked out the back of the book and all I can say is GROSS! It's all about a COMPLETE lech! God, why would we be reading something so disgusting in class? I guess I must have made a noise or something because one of the Starbucks people, a guy whose kind of cute, came over to me and asked me if I was OK. He said his name was Brandan. I was so embarrassed I must have turned a trillion different colors of red. I just wished he'd go away, but he was all friendly, which made me even quieter. He sais he remembered me from a few nights a go when I had found Manny. He asked me if I knew Joe Racoon. I didn't know who that was until he told me he meant that crazy Indian. I have to admit I was pretty curious and was even able to ask a few questions about the Indian. All Brandan knew was that Joe Racoon was a homeless and harmeless Shawnee who "saw things." When I asked what sort of things, Brandan said he couldn't understand most of what he talked about, though he remembered him muttering about some one legged guy a lot or something like that. I'm glad Brandan talked to me (and I hope he talks to me again). Joe Racoon doesn't seem so scary anymore, at least not as disgusting and scary as Lolita. What was Mr. Robbs thinking assigning it? Well, enough for now. I really need to pass out. I feel like I haven't slept well for ages. *head hits pillow* I'm not even going to talk about the message my Dad left on the machine. Goodnight! *Hugs Manny*

Tuesday, September 10, 2002

*pulls hair out* How will I ever figure out what Gwynn's problem with me is? Gawd, she's being so mean all of a sudden. In my normally bland economics class Gwynn livened things up by loudly making fun of the teacher's daughter who has some kind of serious mental illness before class. :-( I'm sure that hurt Mr. Wright. He didn't even say anything even though I'm sure he must have heard. She hit close to home too, saying how his daughter was a 'real gob of pea-nutty butter' or something stupid like that because she talks to little people that aren't really there! :-( At this point I'm just about ready to call it quits with her. I can't believe it got so out of hand so quickly. We were once just recently really close friends. I've known Gwynn since seventh grade. *cries* Losing a friend sucks.

Yipes! Tomorrow is Sept. 11th already and I haven't finished that poem I was going to post on my 'very special blog entry'. I'll have it finished one way or the other though. (c:

I've decided to grudgingly go to the special Assembly at school tomorrow. Who knows, maybe it won't be lame or shallow or any of those kinds of things? *fingers crossed but not too hopeful knowing my school* I'll have the synopsis memo on the blog desk tomorrow! lol

Maybe I wasn't hallucinating last night! *gets excited* There were little smudges on my window today, like a little face was pressed up against my window. Is it too much for me to hope? It's kind of exciting and scary at the same time to think I'm being watched by faeries. LOL You probably just think it's scary, and not for the same reasons as me. My grandfather must have started speaking to faeries a lot longer before he started his journals because I've tried to find the oldest ones and see if he mentions how he first met up with them. I would sure love to know if there's any way to encourage them to make contact. It's definately not like I can just walk up to them or anything, lol. If only it were that simple.... *daydreams* LOL

*whew* Writing lyrics for other people instead of just writing for myself in my journal is a lot harder than I thought it would be! Still, I'm coming along. I have OK versions of the two songs, even though I keep reworking them. Blech, I'm too embarrassed to post them! *blushes* I know I promised. 8-P

And I'm incredibly nervous about practice tomorrow! I made a nice dinner for one (*sigh*) but couldn't even eat it my stomach is in such knots. It feels like it's spinning like a washing machine! lol I just have to tell myself to calmly breath in and breath out. *breath in and breath out* (repeat x forever)

I refuse to mention dad. If I talk about him coming home Thursday it's sure not to happen. Besides, I am so pissed at him for leaving me hanging like this for so long. *sobs* *angry sobs* >:-(

*hugs herself*

Tuesday, September 10, 2002

I completely woke up startled a half hour a go. I was all cuddly in sleepy land with Manny curled up by my legs when I heard this tapping on the window that totally freaked me out. At first I though it might be Maneki because she'll get on the window sill and rap her paws against the glass sometimes when she wants to try to get out. I was so frightened and I almost screamed when I swore I saw a little face peering in from the outside. Now, though, I think I was just being a silly goose. I was probably just having a bad dream. Being alone here can really be creepy sometimes. I hope Dad gets back soon. God! I need to get back to sleep. If I don't I'll be a complete zombie tomorrow in school. I think I'm going to heat up myself some milk right now instead of making my head spin more writing here. *Crosses fingers* Wish me luck. I hope I fall asleep fast! It's already past 3:00 am. *Hugs*

Monday, September 9, 2002

Brett was over a while a go to do some of his "fragrant" laundry and pick up some records he'd left at the house. Lately he's been so totally nice to me. I don't think we've ever gotten along this well ever. : ) Too bad he had to be so snippy today. I was vegging out in front of the TV and he sat down while his clothes were in the washer in the basement. Everything started out great. He asked me how I'd been doing and I told him about me being in Patrick's band. Of course, I didn't tell him anything about the faeries I might have heard this weekend. Brett would have just rolled his eyes and made fun of me. :o( Too bad he was a COMPLETE JERK when I told him about singing and writing lyrics. He had the TOTAL NERVE to laugh at me. You won't believe it but he made really rude comments. I don't know why, but I thought he would be more supportive. I guess he's just lulled me into a false sense of security, and like the bastard he is, just waited to sink his teeth in my throat like one of those dogs that eats children or something. Before he left he told me his band was playing next Thursday at Mongo's. He called it their first real show where they were going to play their own songs. I almost wish I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of going, but I totally can't resist seeing Matthew. He is beyond cute when he is singing. *smacks fist on pile of homework on computer desk and then let's out a sigh*

After Brett left Aunt Minerva called again. I'm worried about her. I mean, she always calls twice a month so, but it feels like she's called me almost every other day since she visited. She didn't let me tell her what I was up to before she started in on this GIANT lecture about me being safe at home, especially since Dad is away. I had to promise to always lock the doors at least a million times. I think she's probably just wigged out by those missing girls they found dead in Idaho or something.

Right now I'm considering if I'll go to the video store and rent one of my favorite movies of all time, Harvey. No matter how many times I watch it, I always get something new from it. Jimmy Stewart is so awesome in it and I completely identify with him, especially the way people treat him because his friend is an invisible pooka. I totally know how people ridiculing you for stuff like that feels. Of course, when I watch it I pretend that Harvey isn't a pooka, but there's no way he could be. Pookas in reality are really mean. They are beyond terrible in the way they like to torment and stalk people. So, Harvey can't be a pooka. Then again, I could always rent The Dark Crystal again. I love Brian Froud! I think if I ever see a faery it will look just like one of his pictures. Sometimes I think he must have actual faeries model for him because they seem so real. LOL. Trust me. The Dark Crystal is one of the BEST movies ever made. *serious look on my face*

Ok, enough blogging for now. I need to get back to my homework. I bought a copy of Lolita after school so I could start in on it. I should probably also scribble down some thoughts about Jude The Obscure before all of that evaporates from my head. LOL. Where has all my time gone? *Hugs*

Monday, September 9, 2002

*whew* What a long day at school today! I had a test in precalculus today and even though I studied like a really crazed monkey and all I'm convinced I bombed it. LOL I shouldn't laugh. *sigh* That's better, lol. What good are functions anyhow? Now that you're out of school, if you're out of school, do you even remember what a function is? Didn't think so! I'm convinced that most of school is just empty, completely useless knowledge designed to occupy children's time so that they won't be getting in trouble and stuff while the parents are at work. LOL Really! I'm almost as convinced of that as I'm convinced faeries are real, and I'm very convinced of that. I mean, I already know I'll have to be taking this stuff over again as soon as I start college anyhow. Why make me do it now? The answer is obvious! Or, obvious to someone as cracked as me anyhow, lol. (c:

Maybe Mr. Robbs isn't the creep I was kinda suspecting he was. I'm too suspisiouc probably. He was totally cool in class today. If he was a creep wouldn't he have been acting mean toward me? He seemed very impressed that I finished Jude already. *whew, wipes brow* I asked if I could start on The Castle ahead of time, which was our next book for class, and he said, "Sure you can start The Castle, that'd be great! But we won't be reading it for class after all", lol. He changed the syllabus on us without even bothering to mention it! Now we'll be reading Lolita, which is fine with me 'cause I've always been curious as to how good a book it actually was. Anyway, I can't start it ahead of time. :-( All that effort was wasted...sorta. LOL

I've been working on the lyrics for Wednesday's practice with Patrick and his band. When I looked at the lyrics I was singing at their last practice on paper I thought they totally sucked so I'm rewriting them. Here's a snippet of what I've got, which isn't much, lol...

As she trudges along to school
Her eyes begin to blear
She knows she's the fool
And her ridicule is near

Off this tree
In this nook
Want to flee
Instead just look


LOL I know it's horrible! It's better than what I had though, believe it or not. I've got most of the song written, maybe I'll post the rest later when I've finished it. I can't believe Patrick's band think I'm good! lol They must be getting high in that basement when they should be practicing. *blushes* I am so nervous about bringing my crappy poetry/song stuff on Wendnesday even though they seem to like it. Maybe they're just pretending? With my luck it's just some kind of mean prank. No, I'm being a worrywart again. Patrick never could fake how he felt, and he seems to genuinely enjoy my stuff. *sigh*

I took one of those silly quizes that seem so popular lately...

i'm a bird.what kinda pet are you?
quiz made by muna.

Sunday, September 8, 2002

I had such a BLAST at Patrick's friend's house tonight, thought it didn't seem that way at first. His band has all their stuff set up in the friend's parents' basement. I didn't know what to expect when I got there. To be honest, I completely was a Doubting Erin. As soon as I got there, Patrick took me downstairs where I met his two friends who are in the band with him. Ray plays this giant synthesizer that looks like the control panel to an airplane. He always "plays" a laptop computer he has sounds programmed into or something, though I can't imagine how you do that. It seems WAY too complicated for me. I can barely get the microwave oven at home to heat up soup. LOL. Chip plays drums and Patricks plays one of those Unplugged guitars plugged into an amp. Chip and Ray seem like totally nice people. Ray is even cute. :) I was still pretty nervous. I don't know why Patrick thinks I can write anything for them. Still, he had me sit down on an apple crate while they played some of their songs. It's funny. Before moving to Michigan, all I ever heard Patrick listen to was gross stuff like Creed and Deftones. If I want to hear the Cookie Monster sing I'll watch Sesame Street. LOL. What they played for me was completely different. It was sort of like this weird folk with all these squiggly noises that fit with the melodies that Patrick played on his guitar. I was so entranced by them that during the second song they performed for me I just sort of started singing, words just appearing in my mouth. I thought I had upset them since I was supposed to just sit there and figure out some lyrics because they stopped playing and sort of just looked at each other. Then Patrick said they needed to talk. He would give me a call at home. I though they were all totally mad at me. Dumb Erin blew it again. :( Five minutes after I got home, Patrick called me. I was sure he was mad at me. Instead he said that Ray, Chip and him had talked over and all decided that they would like me to not only write lyrics but also sing for the band. WOW! I'm an so excited! *dances around room, scaring Manny* We're going to practice again next Wednesday after school. They want me to have some lyrics for the two songs I heard today. It's weird, but I completely remember what I was singing during the second song. Maybe after I write it down in my paper journal, I'll share it in my next entry. Don't laugh when you read it. Oh yeah, the band still doesn't have a name! If you can think of anything please e-mail me. Knowing me, I'll probably forget to think of anything by the time we practice Wednesday. :o)

Sunday, September 8, 2002

I did it! I just finished Jude the Obscure and with time to spare even. OK, next please! lol Urgh, really, I wonder if I can start on the next book for our class ahead of time to try and go ahead and get it out of my way? I wonder if I'll still be Mr. Robbs' favorite now that I rejected his offer? ???

So, I'm supposed to go to Patrick's friends house in a little bit to hear their band playing so I can get an idea of what kind of lyrics I should write and all that. I don't really know anything about this band yet! LOL They may completely suck ass. I don't even know if they've chosen a name for themselves yet. Anyway, I just hope I can make it there to find out what they're like considering my pile metal sitting outside that almost resembles a Jeep. Earlier I went to Cheryl's just to stop by and say hi and that kind of stuff and the bastard pulled that "stopping for no reason" thing on me again! *DEEP sighs* What am I supposed to do? It works most of them time and them BLAM! it stops on me and won't start for a real long time. OK, real long time might actually be about 15 minutes or so, but still that really screws with things royally over. *bites lip in frustration*

I saw the strangest thing today! On the way to Cheryl's there was this totally black goat with big horns just standing in the middle of the road like he owned it. When I got kind of close to it to try and scare it away it started to run at my Jeep! lol, my old Jeep is a pile of crap but even so I didn't particularly want to have goat horn dents all over it. Luckily it was only faking and ran off onto the sidewalk and just stared at me from there. LOL I was the bigger goat today! That's not something I'd ordinarily be very proud of. (c:

I'm not much of a sports fan but I've got to say a quick good job to the Wildcats for stomping Louisiana-Monroe with 68-0! Woo hoo! And, KU, better luck next time. (c:

I still haven't found my grandfather's missing journal. It's from around the time of my Aunt's birth so I bet it's been taken on purpose. My Aunt has always been an off-topic area with Dad and Mom wasn't around long enough for me to get old enough to be curious about our history. *curls nose quizically* What the hell happened!? I wish instead of being all secretive I could get some answers around here! GRRRRRRRRR!!!

So now Patrick has stopped stalking me I still get the impression I'm being watched from outside. Faeries! Just talk to me, it's OK! I'm nice! PLEEEEAAAAASE! LOL

"She may swear that on her knees to the holy cross upon her necklace till she's hoarse, but it won't be true!" said Arabella. "She's never found peace since she left his arms, and never will again till she's as he is now!" - last lines of Jude. Bye Jude! I liked you and hated you at the same time! lol

*hugs*

P.S. I've been working on a Sept. 11 poem. Maybe people got the wrong idea the other day when I said I wanted to skip my school assembly. I really do care very much about what happened and all the people that tragically lost their lives that day.

Saturday, September 7, 2002

*almost pulling out hair and jumping up and down on one leg in tears* I went out again and totally walked for hours calling Manny. I even left a saucer of milk on the front porch, Manny’s favorite. I think I almost went everywhere in Lawrence . . . well almost everywhere. LOL. My face all puffy and red from crying, I took a break at Starbucks and tried to pull myself together with a mocha. The only idea that popped into my head was to put up flyers with Manny’s picture. How lame is that? :( So I pulled myself together and started back home on foot because my Jeep wouldn’t even start today. With my COMPLETELY TERRIBLE luck, that totally creepy Indian was hanging out on the sidewalk again. He spotted me instantly and started trying to get my attention by waving his arms. I don’t know why (except that I’ve gone completely crazy), but I went over to him to see what he could possibly want. Boy was I totally shocked to see Manny standing on his feet, rubbing her back up against his legs and raising her paw in the air to bat at his knee. The Indian smiled at me. I think like almost all of his teeth were gone or were really nasty looking. This time he didn’t say anything to me, just nodding while I picked Manny up and took her home. I don’t know what I would have done if I hadn’t found Manny. When we got back, Manny instantly shoved her face in the saucer of milk, lapping it up like she had never eaten before. Sometimes I wonder if I have a cat or little Vietnamese Pot Belly pig instead. LOL.

Now that Manny is back and I can think straight again, I totally wonder if I really heard faeries earlier today. I wish I understood their language. I tried looking through some of grandfather’s journals to find something about that, but nothing really jumped out at me. I did find this interesting bit from June 12, 1960, which completely made me have to wonder about what kind of person grandfather was . . .

Today my first child, a daughter, was born and today I must leave both her and my wife. How I wish I could remain with them and be the father our newborn child deserves. I love her and Mary so deeply, but what other choice do I have? Fergus has left me no other alternatives. While they are still at the hospital I must appear the wretch and coward, disppearing into the night, my valice reluctantly gripped in my hand. In our flat I have left a letter and 1000 pounds to help them survive while I am gone. Mary will never forgive me. I will never forgive myself. We have decided to name our daughter Patricia and she may never hear me speak her name if my luck goes badly. Damn Fergus . . .

I can’t remember Mom ever mentioning Grandfather being away. Since I can remember, Grandfather was always around in some fashion, visiting or calling me and Brett on our birthdays and holidays. I always think of him as dependable, the one reliable constant even though he’s gone now. I really nead to start reading the journals more thoroughly. I REALLY need to find the missing one. I still haven’t figured out where I might have misplaced it. *brain threatens to slip out of head*

More later, maybe. I need to veg out in front of the TV for a while. Way too much has happened today. Tomorrow I might call Gwynn to see how’s she’s doing. I really hope I can save our friendship. *Hugs*

Saturday, September 7, 2002

*sobs into pillow* My cat maneki got loose again last night. She has a real nack for slipping by me when I open the door. I hope I can find her! I guess it was good luck back when I thought Patrick was stalking me or something because the cat was around him last time. Maybe creepy Mr. Robbs can stalk me just for today so I can get my cat back! LOL I shouldn't joke about stuff like that, I know. I just really want to get maneki back. She's a house cat and would be totally lost in the real world! :-( :-( :-(

So, instead of faerie hunting today like I wanted to do instead I was hunting for a cat I know exists instead of faeries I only suspect exists! I finally gave up and did take a walk in the woods, but just a walk this was no hike like I wanted to do. It was a good thing I did too! It was very quiet in the woods and then kind of suddenly I could hear tiny voices. *gets excited* I stayed as still as I could to try and hear what they were saying but I never could make it out and after a few minutes the voices were gone again. Could it have been faeries? I never saw anything. Gawd, who knows how close they even were? I have no clue what a faerie's voice sounds like! They were so faint, but since they're so small maybe they were close to me? Knowing me they were probably right under my nose! LOL 8-P They were probably talking to me and I was too stupid to realize it! *grabs head before it floats away* lol

I don't know what's going on with dad. I talked to him on the phone earlier and told him about that Tanner-Simpson guy that kept calling for him. He was really interested in every tiny detail about what that guy said. He said it had to do with the mishap in Japan but I couldn't get anything specific out of him. He was lying to me, I completely know it. >:-( I don't know what's going on but this wouldn't be the first time he's had some trouble with harrassment from the police. I think it's because he travels so much back and forth, especially in these times. Or maybe he gives off suspicion rays! LOL I don't believe he's ever done anything wrong, he's too good of a guy for that. And I've never known why the police have harrassed him in the past. Like I said, everyone is just keeping an eye on frequent travelers for drugs and terrorism and stuff, which my dad totally understands and thinks is OK. I wish they could figure out that he'd never have anythign to do with anything illegal already though! It's annoying and makes me worry sometimes. *sigh* Of course it could just be a business thing. I don't know. My dad keeps me in the dark! GRRRRRR

Ooh! Dad is mailing me the maneki neko he got for me since he's been delayed so much on business! I can't wait! *pees herself with eagerness* LOL Not really, but I could. It's like waiting for Christmas morning when I was a little girl and Mom and Dad would sleep in on purpose just to make me and Brett agonize! LOL *sigh* Should I be getting nostalgic when I'm only 18? Isn't that supposed to be for when you're like 50 or something? Really old. lol

As you can see, I added a maneki neko section to the links. I also added a link to ILM's coolest cat Ned Raggett too. lol I hate to gush over complete strangers but I can see why he has a fan club! *blushes* I hope he isn't reading this and sees what I'm saying! (c:

I hope to add more to the maneki neko links soon. Most of the good websites for the Japanese welcoming cat are in Japanese. *sigh*

The legend about maneki neko is pretty cool. Who knows, maybe it's even true? That's one thing I've learned from believing in faeries, we can never really know what's out there until we know it's out there, you know? lol I try to avoid getting deep in my blog, it makes my head and probably your eyes hurt too much! LOL OK though, who believed Big Foot was real until it was caught on videotape? Think about it.

Here's the legend so beautiful and fairytale like which I completely stole from another site, lol...

Friday, September 6, 2002

I was a bit nervous about Patrick coming over at 9 tonight to take me to a movie. I mean he has been acting so weird since he moved back from Michigan. Don't get me wrong. I still like Patrick. I just don't like him. Still it was nice to go out on a Friday night with a boy instead of just staying home all wallflower and stuff, even if it was Patrick. LOL. He showed up right on time, too, with the newspaper so we could try to pick a movie to go to. We kind of just sat in the living room staring at the listings for the South Wind 12 Multiplex. Nothing looked even remotely decent. :( We finally gave up and settled on Swimfan. I had to laugh when Patrick drove me there in his beat up, blue Yugo. :) I'd totally forgotten was a heap of junk his car was. Still, we had fun. Patrick played a completely awesome mixtape in the car stereo. I absolutely loved this one song on it. Patrick said it was some band called Mecca Normal. When we got to the South WInd 12, we bought popcorn and pop, but we didn't get to finish it. Swimfan has to be one of the worst movies ever. The movie was beyond terrible. It was all about this crazy girl stalking the star of a high school swim team. I guess it may have creeped me out a little since I've been a little creeped out by Patrick lately. LOL About half way through, though, neither one of us could take it anymore. So Patrick suggest we go to get some coffee. He didn't really want to see a movie anyway. He just wanted a chance to ask me something anyway. He knew of a place on the same block as Mongo's, kind of funky with lots of thrift store furniture inside of it. It was the only place he could think of that was open that late. The coffee was OK, but it was no Starbucks. LOL. Their drip is the best in town! :) I was completely kind of nervous when we sat down at a table. I was dying to know what Patrick wanted. It took him totally forever to get it out! First he went on and on about being in Michigan with his grandparents. He absolutely hated the U.P., whatever that is. While he was there he started playing guitar after he found one in the basement. Now that's he's back he convinced his parents to get him an amp and electric guitar and he's forming a band with some friends. The only problem is that none of them write very good lyrics. Patrick totally wants me to start writing songs for them! :) He said he's always loved my poetry. I was really flattered. Patrick said he's been nervous asking me because of our break up. How completely sweet he was when he told me! Maybe I've been too hard on him. I'm pretty excited to take a stab at it. :) Of course, after that I made a complete FOOL out of myself! When we were leaving I tripped outside on the sidewalk and fell on my butt, ripping my pants! :( What was worse was that all of sudden I pulled up by that stinky homeless Indian who seems to just wander around town. When I was standing, he just looked at me totally weird and said, "Gotta be careful what under feet. They trip you." I made Patrick drive me home that instant.

When I got home there were two messages on the machine. I was hoping one of them would be dad, but no such luck. :( One of the messages was that William Tanner-Simpson being really annoying asking for Dad. He kept saying "I know you're there" over and over again. What's his problem? The other message was Aunt Minnie acting even weirder than Brett thinks she is. What does "poo-cha" mean? Why was Aunt Minnie asking about it? I think maybe she'd been doing some of that stuff like she did in the 70's or something. I wish Dad was here. :(

I am so tired now, but I guess I better say something about last night and the Gluons. The club was totally cramped and dingy. I swear there was like a hundred people crammed in there to see the bands play on a completely tiny stage where amplifiers and a drum set were set up for bands. Each band would just plug in their instruments and play 2 or 3 songs by that Embarrassment band and get off, another band following seconds later after they were ready. I've never heard the Embarrassment, but my impression from what I heard is that they must be kind of goofy and serious at the same time. The Gluons were the second to last band to play. They did three songs, which were "Pretty Woman," "I Want To Be Your Dog," and "The Immigrant Song." Matthew was completely hot. He even pulled his shirt off in the middle of the Dog song. What was weird though was that the songs they did didn't sound like the ones the other bands were doing. I mean, each of the bands were different, but you could tell they were all playing songs by the same person or whatever. I was completely into Matthew the Gluons, but the audience wasn't. Some guy even threw a beer can at them. After they played, I made a complete fool out of myself gushing to Matthew. I didn't know that the songs they played weren't by the Embarrassment. Brett laughed at me because I didn't know that. :( Matthew was nice to me, though. He said the songs were ones that the Embarrassment would cover when they played. They thought it would be funny. I hope they play again really soon. I would love to see Matthew again. :)

*Yawn* I completely need to pass out now. I have lots of errands to do before I go looking for faeries tomorrow. I have some ideas on how to find them from reading my grandfather's journal. *Fingers crossed* I hope they work. Before that though, I really need to finish Jude and maybe look around some more for the missing volume from grandfather's journals. I know it has to be around here somewhere. I should probably clean the bathroom too. That should be lots of fun after Brett stayed here for a while. LOL. I'll let you know if I got anything accomplished at all tomorrow. You know me. LOL. *Hugs*

I almost forgot to put in the rest of my poem. I shouldn't, but I will anyway. Here's the whole thing with the finished part. I guess the practice is good for me if I'm going to write some stuff for Patrick . . .

Dismal days of disaffection,
hours devoid of detection,
I let loose loose a sad sigh
as a bluebird buzzes by.

What shall I accomplish?
Should I even have a wish
when I know that the days
will never give me a way?

I wish I was a bluebird.
I wish there were words
to wrap my heart in
as it begins to bleed again.

Dismal days of disaffection,
hours devoid of detection,
you do not have to say a thing
that the birds won't already sing.

Friday, September 6, 2002

*Gag* The review about the Gluons will have to wait until later on tonight!

Well, I talked to Gwynn finally some today. *sigh* She's totally like flipped her wig about all of this and it was such a tiny slight against her! She was very mean to me, to say the least. I think more's going on but I don't know what it is.... I don't want to lose a friend, which is what it seems like has happened, and especially not over something so small as not being interested in Tori Amos anymore! What's going on with her!? *sobs*

Oh gawd, get a load of this one! Mr. Robbs asked me yet again if I wanted to join the book club. I said it sounded totally worth my time and that I'd love to but I had some questions first. I asked him what kind of books his book club read and he reluctantly told me that it would just be me and him at first 'cause he's still setting the club up trying to get members! LOL I like Mr. Robbs alot but doesn't that seem a little weird? Why didn't he mention that before? I'm probably just paranoid about older men taking an interest in me but that just seemed really, really weird. I was getting a bad vibe from him. I said I'd love to join...once some more members got into it. He didn't actually try anything exactly, but I'm keeping my eye on him for now! I've never heard anything about Mr. Robb being a horn dog, and believe me there have been a few, but it's still just strange. I hope his interest in me really is totally innocent and that I'm just being nutso like I can be, lol, but on the other hand.... Well, I don't know, no judgments have been made, but I'll avoid the nonexistant book club until it actually exists. :-(

I wanted to get away from the nasty loss of innocence stuff so I curled up with my grandfather's journal once I got home to wash away my cares. I'm in such awe of him. Here's part of an entry from November 5, 1974:

"While out here at sea I expected no encounters with the faeries. Until now I thought I would be on a vacation, or seperation, from them until making it to America. But either they have followed me or there are those amongst their race that are seafarers or sea dwellers for today, and without a fleck of dark doubt, I saw five or six faeries onboard amongst the steam columns atop the ship. I have yet to talk to them, but I am laden with confidence that an opportunity to do such will soon arise since already they have chosen to make their presence known to me. I am eager, and hastily make this entry for posterity's sake. My true vigor comes with going back topside to seek their consultations. But for now I must remain in my cabin, until it is sufficiently late that I can sneak onto the forbidden decks. My mind races and my heart pulses! I hope to learn of them, for I have never known the little folk to be of a travelling mind. What respect I could earn from my fellow chosen friends if I could further the long-since dormant and narrow fields of faerie lore."

Now it's on to Jude the Obscure for a while. I have no life! LOL But I hope to finish the book before Monday. I'm at chapter 45 so not too far to go!

Speaking of being a loser, I totally need a date. It's been far too long, if you know what I mean! lol Of course I wish I could date Matthew but as nice as he is I don't think he's into me like I'm into him. I'm going to ask someone somewhere! lol I just don't know who. I even told Matthew I was 'into' him at Mongo's last night! I said it like I was joking around, but I was so not joking around. (c:

Later all, *butterfly kisses*

Friday, September 6, 2002

*whew* I probably shouldn't have gone to that show tonight, it being a schoolnight and all. Oh, whatever, it's Friday tomorrow anyway. lol I'm totally pooped and I'll write some stuff about the Gluons and the other bands tomorrow. I have to say I was right! Matthew makes a great lead singer! lol

It's so late and I was supposed to read two chapters of Jude. Gawd, this was not a good idea. Mr. Robbs is going to abandon me if I slack off now.

More tomorrow. I had never heard of the Embarrassment before (I was right, I totally fucked up the name earlier, lol) so my prospective will probably be meangingless to anyone more knowleageable than me.

It's late, I'm starving, and I haven't done any of my homework, not just Jude. I'm pressed for time! Sorry to leave my readers hanging again and sorry to the spirit of my grandfather who meticulously made his journal entries. Ugh, my words are smooshing together.

*feeble hugs*

P.S. Oh I can't forget to mention Patrick was there! I don't think he saw me thankfully, lol. Still, its odd that he'd be there if he didn't know I was there since I think he's been following me. Or? I can't think straight! lol *zonks out*

Thursday, September 5, 2002

Sorry to be in a such a rush. I promise I'll try to add some more later. I'm going to see some bands with Brett and Matthew tonight at a new place one their friend's started. I think it's called Mongo's, but I don't quote me on that. You know how I am when it comes the level of details. LOL. I guess the show is a tribute to some old band that played in Lawrence a long time go. I think they were called the Embarrassments. Again, I probably completely got it wrong! Best of all, though, is that Brett called and told me that his new band with Matthew, the Gluons, will be playing at the show! I'm going to meet them at their practice place and help them bring their equipment.

OK. A few quick things and I really have to go. First, I'm going to a movie with Patrick Friday night. He talked to me again today. I wonder what he wants. He's been so secretive and creepy since he came back to Kansas. Second, Gwynn is completely blowing me off now. Cheryl says she's been saying some really nasty stuff about me behind my back at school. Third, Mr. Robbs asked me again if I wanted to join his book group. I told him I still need to think about it. Besides, why would he want someone dumb like me in his group anyway? Fourth, oh no! I have to get ready. Bye! Don't worry, I'll be back! *hugs*

Thursday, September 5, 2002

First about the dream I had! It's crazy stuff! lol The first part I can remember is standing on one of those bulky clunky phone jack thingies against the wall trying to avoid stepping on the carpet because it was a bunch of glowing faeries stuck in some kind of mud! My feet were getting really sore on this tiny box but I was maintaining and then this organ grinder monkey comes strolling in through this big candle that was turned on its side and must have been holding the monkey inside! lol The monkey was kind of hopping in tune with the music he was, uh, grinding (?). (Those things always remind me of jack in the boxes.) Anyway, I tried to shoo the monkey away because I didn't want him to smash all the faeries that must have become people at some point when I didn't notice. The monkey was completely unphased. I had on a plaid shirt and in one of the sleeves, like truck drivers do, I had a pack of cigarettes rolled up. So I get them out and they're just candy cigarettes which I think is even better and I try to bribe the monkey from walking in any more. You should have heard the little people scream! It was horrible even though it seems so silly now that I'm awake. Well, the monkey walks over to me (argh!) and trades me the candy cigarettes for the organ grinder. Whatever to keep the monkey from killing any more of the people carpet! As soon as I take it I realize it's an aquarium full of koi fish and it's REALLY heavy! The monkey screeches when it tries to smoke one of the cigarettes and it explodes in his face (weird since candy cigarettes usually don't explode LOL) and just as that happens the extra weight of this aquarium makes the phone thingie break off the wall and I fall, dropping the aquarium and smash TONS of little people in the process! The koi are all alot bigger than they were in the aquarium and the water from the broken glass keeps shooting in from the floor I guess. At first the koi writhe around, smearing gurgling people like a cloud of mud but then they start swimming around eating the people!!! It was horrible and disgusting! So I pick up the monkey and try to hit the fast koi on their heads to keep them from eating people! In restrospect, these people were drowning anyway, but it made sense at the time. LOL So there you have it, or what I remember of it. Am I crazy doc? I wonder what it all means? It really stuck with me, that's for sure!

No progress with Cheryl, Colonel. No ground lost either. The Erins are holding fast to their positions, but I don't know how long it can be maintained before Cheryl hates Erin completely. lol, but in a sad way

I keep on thinking about that Indian guy. This is totally crazy I know, but even though he doesn't look anything like him and I certainly haven't stuck around him long enough to know his personality very well, he seems an awful lot like Morgan Freeman for some reason! lol I'm a fucking idiot I know, I know! But really! I don't know why, he just does, lol. ?:- Maybe its his eyes or something?

Mr. Robbs called me at home tonight. He wanted to know if I was interested in joining his book club. That was totally flattering definately! I might just do it and officially become the teacher's pet, lol. Why not right? It's my last year and I like Mr. Robbs and I think his group probably has good taste in books. It's always good to expand horizons I always say. Well, I usually just think it, lol. With this being the end of the mushroom season around here maybe it would be good to pick this up! I guess I haven't made up my minds about it yet, but I'm convincing myself to say sure! Mr. Robbs really seems to think highly of me and I think he must be getting high to be able to do that! LOL (I'm just kidding about that I've never seen Mr. Robbs seem high or drunk or even smoke a cigarette for that matter.)

Well I'm glad to report that I finished that Jude the Obscure poem I'd been working on. If only I'd actually finish the actual book already! Not that I hate it exactly. Blah blah covered ground, lol. You can read it tomorrow after I post it! *blushes* If I just promise to post it maybe it won't be as hard to actually do it! LOL That's a game I play with myself. To make myself do something I say I'm gonna do it, make promises that would ruin friendships, get me failing grades and stuff like that just so I will actually do it! lol Is that weird? Maybe, oh well. It works...most of the time! (c:

Gawd, I love this song...

"...such pretty tinkering
For all your happy friends
Baubles and pasttimes
For all your empty friends..."


*hugs*

P.S. I wanted to talk about maneki neko some tonight but I just used up all my space. *ramble ramble* Maybe I can get into it tomorrow, tomorrow night definately! I joined a Yahoo! group and I've been collecting some good links to make a maneki neko section. I'll probably wait until the weekend to do all that, I'm really slow and stupid with the html! lol

P.P.S. Oh! I DID add a couple new links tonight in the music and blog sections. Duh!

Wednesday, September 4, 2002

God, there's going to be a special assembly next Wednesday commemorating 9-11. I think I'm going to call in sick that day. It'll be a complete waste of time anyway. Like an assembly is about ANYTHING but a bunch of reactionary people saying the pledge of allegiance and the principal droning on endlessly. I remember last year when the attacks happened. It was so surreal. I had gotten up really early in the morning because I couldn't sleep, sitting in the living room eating Lucky Charms and surfing channels.

Speaking of school sucking, AP English was a disaster today. I've never seen anyone get as angry as Mr. Robbs did when his face turned completely red. He was so mad that no one one but me had kept up with their Jude reading assignments. It all started when he asked Karen a question and all she could say was um. He then went straight down the list of people in the class asking them the same question (saving me for last). No was able to answer. The worst part was that he set me up as an example of a good student, making everyone HATE me like I'm some sort of brown nosing suck up girl. I almost wish I hadn't kept up with the book. :(

Jumping from the frying pan to the toaster oven, Gwynn completely snubbed me the whole day. I just don't get it. During lunch, I talked to Cheryl about it but all she said over and over was, "You know how she is." Well, I do and that DEFINITELY doesn't make it right.

Kind of depressed, I went to Starbucks after school by myself to read some more Jude. I was too distracted to get anywhere. I wound up just doodling and writing down in my journal the dream I had last night. It involved an organ grinder monkey, a pack of candy cigarettes and a giant aquarium full of enormous Koi. I'll try to put it in here in my next entry. When I left the Indian started shouting at me from across the street. I couldn't make out what he was yelling. I justwalked faster to get away from him.

When I got home there were five messages on the answering machine. The first was from somebody named William Tanner-Simpson wanting to talk to my dad. The second was my brother wanting to know if I wanted to go to a show with him and Matthew the next night. That's kind of weird. He never invites me to shows, but I would get to see Matthew! The third message was Aunt Minnie checking up on me. She's so funny. She forgot I wouldn't be home because of school. The fourth message was just a few seconds of static and a click. I almost cried when I heard the last one. Dad said something else had come up. He'd be gone for another week, but he would try to call me again in the evening. Sometimes I think Dad will be gone forever. This has been his longest business trip ever. *covers face in hands and cries*

More later. I'm definitely going to share my dream from last night then. *Hugs*

Wednesday, September 4, 2002

Tee minus nine hours and counting until Dad's flight should arrive in Kansas. I always keep my *fingers crossed* and a special lucky candle lit for him whenever I know he's going to be flying. As my grandfather said, "flying's for fairies and geese, shovelling shit's for men and trolls" which isn't one of his best, lol, but I get what he's saying! Completely! I might try to skip out of school early tomorrow so I can meet him. I'd be a nervous wreck all day anyway until I knew he made it home safely! lol, like I've said before, I can be such a HUGE worrywart. Can't stress it enough, lol. :-[

I have no clue as to what happened with Gwynn or how that whole thing got all screwed up again. She got all bent out of shape just for one thing! *big sigh* Why does she act betrayed that I'm not liking Tori Amos as much anymore? It's not like I don't like her anymore. :-@ AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! I have totally no clue at all how to set things right with her. Cheryl sadly had no suggestions either. :-( Cheryl doesn't seem to mind I'm straying a tiny little bit from our circle of tastes so what the hell's up with Gwynn?

Side note: You know that laundry detergent Tide? Don't use it! Well, don't use the powder stuff at least! LOL Every time I wash clothes with it they come out with little white clumps on them! Yuck! Yuck, even if it is just soap!

Side note the sequel: I wonder if Dad will mind that I've been reading my grandfather's journals? I hadn't thought about that at all until just now! I never did ask and he never did tell me about them...? So...? Maybe I should put them back and keep reading them secretly! *wonders*

LOL After an intense cramming session tonight I'm only two chapters behind schedule on Jude the Obscure! If I'm Mr. Robbs' favorite student then how bad must everyone else be? LOL Ugh, or maybe Mr. Robbs is another old letch of a teacher. Well, probably not he has a good reputation and hasn't tried anything that I've ever heard of! Not that that means much of anything.

My heart is broken, shattered. I saw Matthew kissing a girl today. Lucky girl! Poor me. :-( He was outside Alley Cat Records, which comes as no shock, lol. The owner of the store got kind of angry because I haven't listened to the albums he lent me yet! Oops! I'm interested, really, which happens to be just what I told him. I even read up on each, just didn't listen to them! *yikes* You do not want this guy mad at you! Also, I felt like I let him down for not seeming as eager as he must have wanted. I am eager! I'm just also busy, in a way, lol! (c:

Now that I think about it I feel kind of bad for being so nasty to the homeless Indian guy. I let a totally irrational fear get ahold of me and just treated him like a utter freak for no especially good reason! I mean, sure he was creepy and he did grab me, but not in a really threatening way or sexual way or anything. I'm such an IDIOT sometimes. :-( Although, I guess I wouldn't have been able to help him much with his sky blue crows! LOL *cringes* And then I have the audacity to laugh at him! If anyone should be sympathetic to people treated like freaks it should be me! This is totally like that time when I was 10 outside the little convenience store. *sighs at own idiocy*

Oh! I ran into Patrick again at an odd place, or should I say I "ran" into Patrick...? He's creeping me out! But it's so late and I have such a full day tomorrow that this will just have to wait. Sorry to leave you on a cliffhanger like that! LOL

*hugs* (c:

Tuesday, September 3, 2002

School was OK today, I guess. I talked a lot in AP English today. Mr. Robbs seemed to like what I said about Jude, but everyone else just glared at me. We have to write a short essay about the book when are finished with it in class. I was kind of afraid, but now that I'm getting into it I don't think it will be a problem. *crossing fingers* Knowing me, though, my problem will be writing too much and then having to cut half of out while still making it coherent. LOL. After class Mr. Robbs wanted to know what colleges I was applying to. If I need any recommendations, he would be more than glad to write them. He considered me the star of the class. Me? Mr. Robbs must have a drinking problem or something if he thinks I'm any good. LOL.

After class I made Gwynn go have coffee with me at Starbucks. We really needed to talk because of her misunderstanding me. I’m not sure I got through to her, because she seemed pretty miffed by the end. I think I may have really put my hoof in my mouth because I wasn’t very into fantasizing about if there was another Lilith Fair. We always used to talk about if we had a chance to go back in the day, or junior high school to you. LOL. Then again she didn’t seem too excited about when I told her about the Need and the two records the Alley Cat owner made me borrow. When I tried to tell her about Patti Smith and Joni Mitchell, she just turned off completely. And she calls me rude! Whatever. She can think what she wants. It’s not my fault that Tori Amos isn’t as good as the Need.:(

I almost forget. When we were leaving Starbucks this dirty homless Indian blocked us on the sidewalk. He completely smelled like liquor (or Brett sometimes). We tried to pass him, but he put his hand on my shoulder, and stared me in the eyes. He was completely shaking and I have to admit I was pretty scared. Just when I was about to scream for the police, he said to me, “You understand. Help me hide. I saw sky blue crows. They won’t help.” Luckily I broke away and almost ran all the way home. More later. Until then, lots and lots of *hugs* Time for Jude. *Sigh*

Tuesday, September 3, 2002

*big sigh of relief* OK, I just archived my blog for the first time (super archive 1) and was nervous about screwing it up! LOL I guess this setup is made so it's practically impossible to screw it up, otherwise I would have, big time! 8-P

As much as I love my Aunt Minnie and respect her beliefs and stuff I was really starting to crave meat by the time she left! LOL So I went and bothered Brett until he got off work and we cooked chicken marinated in Zesty! Italian dressing on the grill. Mmmmmmm. No mushroom dishes, even though I could have definately gone for them, as always! If that saying was true I think I wouldn't mind turning into a mushroom, lol.

The store Brett's working at is kind of dirty and old looking and the guy who owns it smells and wears a stained white t-shirt! Besides being totally grossed out I loved the store! LOL The store's called Alley Cat Records and it has TONS of stuff I've never even heard of. In fact, it was all almost stuff I had never heard of. But I know next to nothing about music outside the polluting force-fed mainstream anyway, so that may not mean much. The owner even let me borrow two albums, for free! Maybe I can review them too, if I ever get around to reviewing the Need that is. I can't even remember what the two albums were, stuff I've never heard of, that's for sure. (c:

*Stupid shit alert* Gwynn, who I mentioned calling about the Tori Amos thing on tv earlier, took my obvious lack of interest to mean I was bored with her (instead of the other her, lol) and got all offended and stuff. Yikes! I only found out because she sent Cheryl an email about it and then Cheryl called me almost immediately I think. I had to then explain in detail my waning interest in Amos twice and with great effort to sound as convincing as possible since either would hardly believe me, knowing how much I like Amos and all that. What a gangly web we weave when we decide to deceive. On the other hand Gwynn probably wouldn't have believed me even if I had been totally honest anyway. *blech* But I think we got it all worked out.

Dad called, just got off with him as a matter of fact. He says he definitely should be arriving back in Kansas on Wednesday, Thursday at the latest. Of course I miss him so much, and of course I want that maneki neko he found for me, lol, but it'll be weird having him back after ruffing it alone for so long. It always is weird, hard to get used to the constant company again. So it's totally like a dicothomy of feelings, lol. *curls lip like Elvis* He'll probably only be home for two weeks before heading off again anyway.

*cringes* I totally ditched Jude AND my grandfather's journals the rest of the day in favor of walking in the woods. I love his journals and all, but I figured it was time to stop reading about all these adventures and try to have some of my own! Nothing much to report except some odd rustlings wherever I went. It was even a failure on the mushroom spotting aspect of it all. Oh well. It was still very nice and the rustlings may have been faeries, who knows? Me! Ha! I felt particularly sure I was being watched at home afterwards. OK, I'll stop. I'm probably creeping my readers out now, lol! Well, get over it!

*passes the hug jug of loveshine around*