Monday, September 2, 2002
I completely spaced that I didn't have to go to school today. I woke up at the normal time and got all ready before I realized it. LOL. Now if I only I had spent the day productively! I haven't even cracked Jude today. I've mostly just been Miss Super Lazy Girl, lounging in the living room reading my grandfather's journal. The weird thing is that one of them is gone. I don't know where I could have misplaced it. I don't even think it's one I've looked at yet. :(
Gwynn called a few hours a go. She saw Tori on MTV. It was a show featuring videos with women musicians and Tori was the host. I don't know what my problem is, but I had to completely feign interest. It was almost like I didn't like Tori anymore. Maybe I've been listening to that Need album too much. I've only listened to it twice today. That's not a lot is it? LOL. I wish I could get myself to write that review I promised. At least, I worked on my Jude poem some more. I started to rewrite the whole thing while watching TV. All I have done so far is the first part. Don't laugh, but here it is . . .
Dismal days of disaffection,
hours devoid of detection,
I let loose loose a sad sigh
as a bluebird buzzes by.
I don't know. It's kind of cheesey. I might start over again, if I remember. LOL.
Reading Jude The Obscure last night, this line really stuck out . . .
The deadly animosity of contemporary logic and vision towards so much of what he held in reverence was not yet revealed to him.
I think life sometimes thwarts me at every step. Sometimes its just me, though, get in my own way, tripping over my own feet. :(
I miss Auntie Minnie already. Dad is supposed to call tonight. Maybe I'll go bug Brett at his new job now.
More later. I promise. Until then, *hugs*
Monday, September 2, 2002
*Yipes* Recent events caused me to miss an entry. Well, I guess there is no set times for me to write into this thing but I've gotten into the habit of writing two or three times a day. But my missed habit was not spent in vain! (c: I was enjoying the time I have with my aunt, while she's here. *whew* What a life she's lived! She's really strong for having overcome her past. I guess that probably sounds cryptic! Sorry, but I promised to keep my mouth sealed, and I could never break her confidence. Just trust me on this, okay?
The mall was fun but uneventful, just what I wanted. (c: I have no idea if I mentioned this or not but Aunt Minnie is one of those leftover hippies, not to make it sound bad or anything. I don't think there's anything wrong with hippies at all! *frowns quizically* Anyway, she's a vegetarian so I made for us tonight last night super delicious fontina crostini with shiitake mushrooms. Honestly, I was a little bit disappointed with it. I thought it would have more flavor than it did. Oh well, it wasn't bad either. lol (same old laugh, I hated the one I tried the other night!) If you want to make your own fontina crostini it's really simple but I'd suggest improvisation to spice it up some:
brush olive oil onto Italian bread and bake until lightly toasted
chop up garlic and green peppers and put it on the bread (this is where I also put shiitake mushrooms on it)
sprinkle on top of that fontina cheese and oregano
broil
Like I said, it was kind of bland so you might want to experiment and put different flavorful things on it!
We ended up not bothering Brett today which was OK with me. She knows he doesn't like her very much even though I always deny it when she says that. But anybody could probably easily tell I was lying because no matter how hard I try to be convincing my voice gets high when I try to fib! lol So now you know my weakness in case you ever meet me or want to question me about something in person! ;-)
I'm finally getting into Jude the Obscure some a little more now. Gawd, I'm at chapter 12 out of only 53!!! Gawd, I'm liable to go crazy! 8-P But seriously, even if I thought it was tedious I doubt I could put it down now. I'm too invested in Jude's life. LOL I guess I'm even enjoying it now. I even scribbled down a few lines for a poem about Jude in my offline journal. I'll probably post them tomorrow if I get the time. Maybe I'll even finish it up tonight and have a completed work! *blushes at even thinking of posting another poem* I can identify totally with his feeling like he's just riding through the cancelling wavecrests and troughs of some life everybody else is a part of. I've always secretly felt like I was living partly in one world, partly in another. Erm, deep thoughts by Kansas' girl Jack Handey! LOL
Actually if I compare Jude the Obscure with my grandfather's style of writing I see a lot of similarities. But my grandfather's journals are definitely alot more immediately satisfying! lol To me, that is. Of course I WOULD think that being his granddaughter and sharing an affinity with faeries too. LOL But the connection isn't imagined! Like, in an entry from sometime in 1950 (it's not dated which is odd) he says, "Mariotte invited me to his home finally. The palpitations of my heart through layers of clothing must have been apparent as M______ cast at me as a farewell a wry smile. I felt as a small and helpless creature in the presence of this man's erudition and convenient knowledge of lore's collected and uncollected alike. Upon arrival on the scheduled hour of our engagement all my grandiose expectations were shattered like a cold glass filled with a warm alcoholic nepenthe prescribed as an easement by gracious or gruff pub owner. In replacement of my imagination was fact greater than my mind's wishful creation. We transpired over legend and lore captured on page or in mind in such manner as was never possible with the trifling concerns and distractions of the public affairs at which we mutually subjected ourselves and without the perturbations from our respective fairer, latter halves." Well, OK, I guess I can't find any specific spot to quote from Jude the Obscure which can compare the style like I want but if you read it you'll probably see what I mean. LOL *boing!* My rubber head bounces off the walls!
Last of all, I found this really cool site for artist Nikki S. Lee. She makes self-portrait photographs with the twist that she poses as a member of different groups in them. In some she's a punk, a drag queen, a yuppie, to name a few.
*whew, wipes brow* That ought to make up for no entry last night! lol
*hugs*
Saturday, August 31, 2002
Aunt Minerva is taking a nap in the guest room right now. I couldn't believe how tired she looked! She had HUGE dark circles underneath her eyes, giving racoons a run for their money. Even exhausted, the first thing she did when I opened the door was give me a giant *hug*! After talking for a bit I finally convinced her to take a nap. She really needed to rest. I felt bad about telling her I would have to go out for a bit with Cheryl and Gwynn, but I can't screw up again with Cheryl. If I haven't said anything about it before, Aunt Minvera is my mom's younger half sister, but she's all aunt to me! She's one of the few people who listens to me without judging me or thinking I'm crazy when I talk about fairies and stuff. For the past few years she's been running a health food store in Kansas City. Her and my dad never seem to get along, which upsets me since they are both the most important people in my life. I wish they liked each other as much as I love them. Aunt Minnie didn't really grow up with my Mom. When my mom was 7 or so, Grandpa divorced my grandmother (who I never met since she died before I was born) and disappeared for a long time. Mom didn't even know she had a sister until Aunt Minnie showed up one day at her work. They became quick friends and you could completely tell they were sisters. They were almost twins, except Mom was older. LOL. The best part of Aunt Minnie showing up was that a year so after that Grandpa reappeared. When Mom disappeared, I remember laying in bed and hearing Aunt Minnie and Dad yell at each other a lot. Aunt Minnie always calls to check up on me. She only really visits, though, when Dad is away on business trips. Since she moved to Kansas City I've been able to see her a lot more than when she was doing a lot of travelling. When I get back from the mall I want to make her a super mushroom dinner. I know she'll love it! This weekend is going to be more fun than I thought! Maybe tomorrow we can visit Brett at his new job too. I don't think I'm going to make it there today. I'm sure Brett won't mind me not coming by today. hee hee hee. *Hugs*
Saturday, August 31, 2002
Aunt Minerva is here! YAY! :)
Saturday, August 31, 2002
Just a quick entry tonight before I go to bed bed as opposed to couch bed. Patrick never showed up, gawd, who knows why with Patrick!? lol He's kind of creepy sometimes. *eek*
What a loser life I have that I actually fall asleep reading a Thomas Hardy book on a Friday night! LOL Seriously. That was the extent of my evening. That's it. I came, I read, I snored. lol *sigh*
Official business: I put up a guestbook feature. It's below all the links. I was kind of not sure if it was such a good idea for me to put that up and stuff, but I've already received one entry and it's a positive one! Yay! Thank you enterer. LOL (c:
It looks like I won't be doing any mushroom hunting this weekend, unless I go alone on an impromptu mission. It's getting to be late in the season for all but a few types. lol OK, I won't bore you any more with any of the gory details.
Instead tomorrow I think I'll ditch the book and head to the mall. I'll try to drag Cheryl and Gwynn (who I haven't talked about here yet I think, sorry Gwynn! I love you never the less) and maybe harrass my brother at his first day on the job. lol I just want an empty, carefree day for fun!
On a (much) more serious note, I still haven't been able to contact my aunt. Of course I'm worried, but I don't know what to do. I'm a bit of a worrywart and don't want to overreact and be all drastic! *deep sigh of indecision*
Anyway, bed bed is hypnotizing me. hee hee <----(me testing new laugh to see how I like it, lol) Goodnight all, and as always *hugs*
Friday, August 30, 2002
One more quick comment (really I'm not trying to procastinate, LOL). What would you rather be reading? Jude The Obscure doesnt compare to my grandpa's journal. The journal is so much more exciting. I feel transported. Just now I was reading this passage and I couldn't stop my brain, and smoke didn't even come out of my ears. LOL. This passage in an entry from September 15, 1950 made my head spin . . .
"Thinking over a Guiness in a pub, I was surpised when Fergus sat down next to me. I had not seen him since returning from my "field trip" in July. A mutual acquaintance has suggested he had disappeared following a lead in Scotland. Fergus, as he always has, grunted at me, acknowledging my presence. After being poured his Harp, he asked what I had been involved in lately. I thought it strange that he did not even asked about my "trip." Before I had departed, he seemed as excited as me about the possibility of what I might find. Puzzled by his behavior, I nonchalantly told him that I had been exploring the question of if the Fair Folk had migrated to North America after the European colonists or if they had already inhabited the continent." Imagine my shock when he laughed. I could not remember the last time he had expressed any visable sign of mirth. Fergus had also been the epitome of stoicism. Sipping his Harp, Fergus chuckled, "Seeing as the Sidhe live in a realm dimensionally separate from our own, I'd think they'd be able to go where they please anywhere in space and time." I stared blankly at him as he finished his beer, leaving without even saying goodbye. Fergus was a completely different man . . ."
OK. Back to Hardy. I promise. At least until I decided to procastinate again. LOL.
Why hasn't Patrick showed up yet?!
Friday, August 30, 2002
Jude The Obscure is going to drive me CRAZY! I've always been able to get into anything assigned to me before, but this time it seems COMPLETELY impossible. Naps try to attack me as soon as I open it. I'm almost tempted to buy the Cliff Notes and I've never done that before. I wish I knew what I was missing. I don't want Thomas Hardy to get the best of me. At the same time I have to admit that stuff like, " In his deep concentration on these transactions of the future Jude's walk had slackened, and he was now standing quite still, looking at the ground as though the future were thrown thereon by a magic lantern," is also strangely compelling. WHY CAN'T I KEEP MY EYES OPEN THOUGH?! *jumps up and down*:(
Speaking of the future, I had my appointment with my advisor today in school. I am so lucky that I have Mrs. Hallstrom. Cheryl has Mr. Barnett and he's mean and insane. Every time she has to see him, she leaves crying. Mrs. Hallstrom has always been great to me, though. I think she may be the only teacher I trust sometimes. She was awesome helping me through my freshman year after my mom's disappeared. Before our meeting even started, I knew what it was going to be about. It had to be one of those senior life planning things. Sure enough it was. The first words out of Mrs. Hallstrom's mouth were about what I planned to do after I graduated. To be honest, I hadn't even considered it. I get so distracted worrying about my Dad or dealing with Brett or studying fairies and mycology. Mrs. Hallstrom could tell I didn't have a clue. My face was all scrunched up in anxiety. Like it isn't always that way. LOL. Still, it was cool. Mrs. Hallstrom thought I had a lot of potential. I justed needed to focus more. If I applied myself, she said, I could go to any college I wanted to. Even though I had mostly B's, she felt that they really didn't reflect what I was capable of at all. She wanted to see me really push myself this year and she was fully prepared to help apply to lots of schools. WOW! Good things she didn't know about my problems with Jude Fawley. :)
Before I get back to studying, I guess I should say that Patrick talked to me a little bit during lunch in the cafeteria. He said he'd like to go have coffee with me at Starbucks and ask me something he didn't want to talk about in school. I wish I knew what he wanted to ask! I'm supposed to meet him in an hour at a coffee shop near KU. More later. I need to be alone with Jude some more. Here's to resisting its sedative! (How lame is it to be reading Hardy on a Friday night, anyway?) *Hugs*
Friday, August 30, 2002
Everything is just crazy all around me! lol Dad called and *surprise surprise* won't be coming home when he was supposed to, which would have been this Sunday. I'm beginning to wonder if I even have a Dad anymore! *sigh* Aunt Minerva isn't answering her phone so I can't tell her about Dad being okay and that she doesn't need to come which is actually because I'd like to go mushroom hunting this weekend to get as much in before the season is completely over. LOL So now things are OK with Dad I'm starting to worry about aunt Minnie. Of. Course. This would happen to me.
I'm getting sick and tired of dealing with hippogriffs and weirdos at school at home and on the Internet. To all those people laughing at my unconventional beliefs, those trying to trick me into thinking they're people they aren't, and those being two faced just fuck off, okay? I don't need your aura of negativity. >:-( It's no wonder faeries are reluctant to show themselves to people so mean and so unwilling to accept things outside their little personal spears. GRRRRRRRRRRRR
*whew* It feels good to get that off my chest!
LOL, this is embarrassing! I finally rented The Royal Tenenbaums last weekend and watched it twice in a row (yes it was that good). I returned it a couple of days before it was due back, nothing out of the ordinary, blah blah. Well, I got a call from the video store today saying the movie was overdue and please return it! I was so totally confused by that for a few minutes but then it dawned on me...I returned the movie to the wrong store!!! LOL So I went to the store I returned it to and explained what happened to this decent looking young thang (I guess he must of been my age actually). He just smiled, opened a drawer, pulled it out and handed it over without saying a word. And I returned it to the right store this time without explaining what happened and just paid the 3.70 as if I had kept it all along. Gawd, it's scary how discombobulated I can get sometimes!
I read about the first twenty pages of Jude the Obscure and was bored to sleep practically. So far I can't see what made this so controversial even back in the prudish 1800s. I guess maybe it was like GHB or another of those date rape drugs are today! LOL Horny college students gave them this book to read and when they went unconscious from boredom they could have their way with them!!! lol *grimace* Looking back on that sentence I guess that's kind of nasty actually. Well, whatever, ripeness is all. (c;
*pulls a stretch and yawn move* Good night friendly and unfirendly observers. I guess mugs of *hugs* are on me, no matter what category you fall into.
Thursday, August 29, 2002
I am a DODO sometimes. I guess Signs was bad if I forgot I even went to it. LOL. You should have seen the look on Cheryl's face when I said I was ready to go. She must have thought I had justed landed from another planet. I hadn't remembered that she was coming over to study and hang out for a while, which since I forgot, was a really neat surprise. :). Well, back to studying! *Hugs*
Thursday, August 29, 2002
I LOVE my AP English class. Mr. Robbs is awesome. He kind of reminds of that snowman with a goatee at the beginning of that one Christmas show that's on every year. He sounds and looks a lot like him, anyway. I'm actually pretty excited about doing a big project for the class too. We get to choose any work with Mr. Robbs' approval and really explore it. I can't decide if I want to do Edmund Spenser's The Faerie Queen or Peter S. Beagle's The Last Unicorn. Both would be a blast. Right now we are
reading a short story by Nathaneal Hawthorne, but I don't think I like him very much. He has real poor outlook on stuff. Everything is always bad about everything in his books. Who needs that? Life is hard enough. LOL. I don't think I've been this excited about a class for a long time.
:)
I can't believe Brett actually got a job, a record store no less! This Saturday he starts at Alley Cat Records. He was even nice to me when he told me. He said if I needed anything I could always call him, especially when Dad is away on business. Has my brother been replaced by a robot
programmed to be sweet? LOL. I hope I'll get to see Matthew now that they'll be in their new apartment.
North teased me at lunch in school today. I didn't let him bother me this time. I figure its his problem if he wants to make fun of me for believing in fairies. Hopefully, now that I'm not talking about them anymore in school, the other's will lay off of me, too. I suspect North won't, though. He'll always be a bully looking for others to prop up his sorry self. I feel sorry for anyone doesn't believe in anything.
Also, I don't think Naked_Treble's blog is so super anymore. I'm going to remove the link. I don't need to have a way for people to go to her negative blog through my blog. I guess I'm still fuming over what she wrote about me in it. I don't see what I've done to deserve it. I
really looked up to her. I guess I was a MORON again.
I need to start Thomas Hardy's Jude The Obscure for AP tonight. I looked at some of it and its going to be slow going. It's like sleeping pills on paper. If I make it through enough, though, I hope to read some more of my grandpa's journals. I hope I have enough time because I've been thinking about them all day. :)
Well, I guess I better hit the books. LOL. I'm sure I'll be writing more tonight. I can't help myself. LOL.
Yikes, Cheryl is here. I almost forgot about the movie tonight!
Thursday, August 29, 2002
I'm completely creeped out right now. *eek* Sort of. It turns out who I thought was my brother sending me emails was actually NOT my brother. At least I don't think so. Some lowlife ass I guess from I Love Music was posing as him to give me a hard time. I think. LOL My brother completely denied the email thing when I confronted him about it. He really seemed totally clueless. To add to that, I sent my supposed brother another email requesting that he prove he is who he says he is and he still hasn't responded yet. I'm kind of confused because I don't totally trust Brett one way or the other. But on the other hand he didn't seem to be lying. *crosses eyes* Maybe I was supposed to know it was a hoax at I Love Music? I know I can be real dumb sometimes, LOL.
Well it looks like Brett is moving to an apartment with Matthew (egads) so they can "devote themselves to music fulltime". LOL Right, so they can devote themselves to eating, sleeping, and getting drunk full time! I guess this means they'll be starting a band...if he ever actually moves. I asked him how he's going to pay for the apartment with no job and he said he was going to get one which isn't so unbelievable. LOL It's him keeping a job that seems unlikely! It'll probably be up to poor Matthew to take care of him. I wonder if Matthew has a girlfriend? *dreams* A girl can dream can't she? (c: I always say that like Marilyn Monroe when she said "diamonds are a girl's best friend"! LOL That phrase is trademarked by ME!
I went with Cheryl today to see a movie, like we had planned for yesterday. We went to see Signs, which is M. Night Shyamalan's newest movie (he directed Unbreakable and Sixth Sense). The movie was OK but what was most exciting, besides finally having some quality time with a good friend, was seeing what I think was a hypomyces lactifluorum mushroom just outside the doors to the theater. As for the movie, well, it was a letdown. :-| Out of a scale of 17, I give it a 9. His work has been moving downhill ever since Sixth Sense, sadly.
It was good to spend time with Cheryl. It felt like normal again! As I promised I didn't mention faeries to her, and I kept my craziness and energy strictly locked up, lol. We took her car since mine is now unreliable (it quit on me on the way home from school again, *sighs*).
Oh, I'm just pooped LOL. I can continue all this exciting (*sarcasm*) stuff tomorrow. Gawd, I really wanted to get to the encounter, but that'll have to wait, zonking out even now.
*zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz*
Wednesday, August 28, 2002
The mystery is solved. God I'm a MORON sometimes. I should have know it would be HIM!
From: "Brett Caruthers"
To: maneki_neko@kswildcat.com
Subject: Quitting posting on I Love Music . . .
Date: Wed, 28 Aug 2002
. . . God you always sound so stupid. Do you even have a brain?
Fuck you,
malleable panda
***
From: Erin Caruthers
To : "Brett Caruthers"
Subject : Re: Quitting posting on I Love Music . . .
Date : Wed, 28 Aug 2002
No, fucking you Brett! >:( I should have known, almost everyone else has been nice to me at I Love Music, I should have known the only nasty person was YOU, you jobless leech! I'll kick you in the ass again you piece of pile of shit! GRRRRRRRR I'm telling who you are to the people at I Love Music and they'll jump your sack of bones because they like ME, not YOU! >:P Now go lounge back on whatever beanbag in whoever's parent's garage or basement you're in!
***
From: "Brett Caruthers"
To: maneki_neko@kswildcat.com
Subject: Re: Quitting posting on I Love Music . . .
Date: Wed, 28 Aug 2002
Doesn't your head hurt from all the friction from the two brain cells inside
Brett did sound sort of remorsal though on I Love Music. Maybe he was just teasing me. Now I really I have to go to bed. I need to get my rest so I can kick Brett's ass again, you know. LOL
*YAWN* Tomorrow!
Wednesday, August 28, 2002
I almost forgot. malleable panda sure does sound familiar. i'm almost sure it's someone I know. maybe sleep will tell me who it is. LOL. Or maybe sleep will just make me sleepy. *Hugs*
Wednesday, August 28, 2002
I heart I Love Music but there's a real jerk over there right (malleable panda) now really giving me a hard time. I admit that I don't know alot about music and that's why I'm there mainly but this guy gets his kicks from berating me about my tastes. :( *sigh*
I'm feeling better tonight. My Dad called finally and explained everything. *whew* He was in a minor accident outside a restaurant and I guess he witnessed someone else also getting hurt much worse than him. Or, I don't know. He was questioned by the Tokyo police for a really long time is all I know. lol At least he didn't get arrested or something! He said he'd explain it better when I talked to him next time, which should be in person. YAY! :)
My friend Cheryl was at the door when I stopped writing last time. I had just been thinking about how creepy Patrick was being and was worried it was him coming after me! LOL Silly I know. So I crept to the door with a fire poker and by the time I got there Cheryl was banging on the door, worried! lol She was so pissed about that and a little scared when I opened the door leering at her with a poker! I kind of *giggled* innocently and put it behind my back! Stupid me, I had forgotten about going to the movies and dinner after school with her and when I didn't even show up she didn't know what to think! *blushes* She was angry and had every right to be, definitely. So now we're going out tomorrow and I had better remember this time!!!!! Jeez, I'm such an idiot.
I've been getting lost in the wonderful journals of my grandfather thanks to the peace and quiet of Brett not being here all day! He never got out of bed, which wouldn't be so surprising, but I checked on him at about three and he wasn't there! LOL That's probably good 'cause he always says he sleeps naked. Okay, I think I'm going to throw up now. I should never have to worry about if he's okay because it could lead to me being physically ill like right now. lol Anyway, he never came home either. When my Dad didn't call, I got mondo worried, when Brett doesn't show up, I celebrate! lol Because, I know it's too good to last for long, even when he moves away.
If you think I'm psycho for seeing and talking about faeries, just skip this part now, I'm warning you. *warning warning* lol I heard rustling in the plants outisde my window earlier tonight, which totally reinforces my suspicion that faeries are watching me. Well, not a suspicion, a feeling I guess. Call it intuition. lol WHATEVER. I'm hoping if I act perfectly right whenever they watch me I can convince them to come talk to me. They must be interested if they're lurking out there right? Or do I have faerie stalkers!? lol
Okay, I'm tired and I've been studying for too long tonight since I think I'll actually go to school tomorrow, lol. I NEED to get some sleep or I'll turn into one of those voodoo zombies for real! LOL
*hugs*
P.S. Even with how good this day was when I listened to Tori Amos' Under the Pink tonight I just didn't enjoy it very much. I LOVE Tori, what is wrong with me? lol Don't answer that! Or do answer it but just be nice, lol.
Tuesday, August 27, 2002
I'm so bad. I skipped school today. I think I just need a day to pull myself together. When I woke up this morning, I couldn't bear the thought of going back. *grimace* Instead I've been in bed the whole morning and afternoon worrying instead. At least when I finally rolled out of bed around noon, I still got up before Brett. LOL. Still, I think I've finally stopped fretting a bit like the big worrywart dufus I usually am. I listened to my Need CD I bought a few days a go and scribbled some notes for that review I want to take a stab at. I also put all of Grandpa's journals on a bookshelf in my room. I can't believe he was able to fill up twenty of them. I don't think anything that exciting ever happens to me that I could write that much.
Aunt Minerva called today, too, concerned after I called her last night. She's coming this weekend to check up on me. Brett is going to be so mad. He hates Aunt Minnie. He thinks she's a dumb hippy. I like Aunt Minnie, though. She's nice and she's not a hippy. She owns a small health food store and that takes a lot responsibility. I can't wait to see her. Really, I just wish Dad would call.
Also, the more I think about it, the more seeing Patrick outside last night with Manny is creeping me out. *sigh* What's his problem anyway?
More later, though. Someone is ringing the doorbell. *Hugs*
Tuesday, August 27, 2002
Okay, this is officially one of THE worst days of my life. I've been worried sick about my Dad because he hasn't called twice now. I guess he may be really busy, but usually he calls when he says he's going to call. So I've been totally worried over about that, on top of everything else. I even called my aunt after trying his phone several times. I'm just really scared. I'm such a worrywart, it's probably nothing, though I can't imagine what it would be? If he doesn't call tomorrow when he's supposed to I'm going to try to figure out how to contact the authorities in Japan. This makes all my constant petty gripes and complaints seem completely nothing, which just makes me feel depressed for getting upset over the small things in the first place. *gurgle*
I read some more of my grandfather's journals, but not very much because I was completely distracted with all the bad stuff that's been happening to me. It completely sucks when I can't even enjoy reading what my grandfather has written about his adventures. And normally I can, even when I get made fun of or called crazy by just about everyone out there. If something like 95% of people believe in a god, then why is it so crazy for me to believe in faeries, which I have actually seen, opposed to god who never shows his big head? >:(
I was kind of flipping out over Dad not calling and me not being able to get ahold of him earlier when my brother said something like, what's your problem it's only dad? And I got completely angry and kicked actually kicked his ass! lol It felt very cathetartic at the time but I felt guilty about it later. Kind of. He deserved it, that's for sure. How could he be so callous to our Dad? What an asshole. >:( <--Angry face. GRRRRRRR! lol Him and Matthew are talking about starting a band. My brother has certainly been in and gotten kicked out of enough that he ought to know what he's doing! And Matthew I'm sure would be great, a leadman all the way. He's perfect at everything I bet, but I may be biased! lol
One thing kind of on a upbeat note, Cheryl called and apologized for blowing me off like she did. She said she felt bad about it and she admitted that that's what she was doing when she made her lame excuse. I forgave her. And then she told me it was because I had been talking at school about finding my grandfather's journals and how excited I was. She says I'm really weirding people out with this stuff. *sigh* I promised not to mention it as much. My head tells me if I want to keep my friends I should shut up about faeries but my heart gets so excited, yet no one will believe me. No one believed my grandfather for that matter either I guess. :-( We're going out to eat and see a movie tomorrow after school, but I don't know, things just feel weird between us.
To really put a crown on the day I ran out to get gas in my Jeep and about halfway to the station my car died! I thought maybe I had run out of gas, because I WAS low, but no my car just decided to die on me in the middle of the road! And I still have no idea why! After fifteen minutes of trying to start it I got it running again and then no problems. But this is just great, another thing to worry about! I want to scream. I'm going to scream so cover your ears... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now I'm going to bang my head on the keyboard... nmhjnmrhugehriueuhhrehirhinrhrnirh58y8yh58y9585yh8yhvn;a/
8e39y;a/898;9/3aty894gty;8/94ty89ytg489y38y9t3894y;849ty8y94t8y4t98;9y/ta8y;/94t8yt948ty;t45y8yt;9/8;ty9
LOL!!! That actually helped a little bit!
No *hugs* tonight, though I sure could use some. *hint hint* I'm going off to sob into my pillow until I zonk out from dehydration.... I'm dreading school tomorrow so much it isn't even close to being even remotely in the vicinity of being even mildly funny.
P.S. Brett let my cat out of the house and I thought I lost him but finally did catch him...rubbing against Patrick who was in the neighborhood weirdly because he doesn't even live anywhere near here. If he's going to be my stalker maybe I should be worried but actually it's flattering.
Monday, August 26, 2002
Wow, I think it's going to be almost as impossible as Brett getting a job for me to be positive today. : ( Today almost everything seemed to either go horribly wrong or was just beyond weird. I don't know how to even fit it all in or even if I want to. Sometimes it seems like every time something really good happens, the next day the reverse sneaks up on me. : ( : ( I think I'll just make a list of the highlights for today. I'm not sure I want to talk about any of it yet. I need a hug. *huge sigh*
Naked_Treble wrote in her blog, "i really am unsure that my only fan is for real. and i'm beginning to wonder if her brother is paul cox. heh. i love you, paul cox." Am I really such a freak that I don't seem real? Maybe I should just never talk about the real me. But that's how I started my morning, and it became a portent for a lot of what happened. Besides, I've read the Rub blog and Paul Cox seems nice, unlike Brett. Though to be fair, Brett was uncannily nice to me last night. I don't want to sound bitchy. : ( : ( : (
In my second period social studies class today I completely blew the quiz. I realized during third period that I completely mixed up Iran and Iraq. I need to concentrate on school more, but it's so hard. My head is so filled up right now. How can I get myself to focus? : ( : ( : ( : (
All day my friends seemed to avoid me, even Cheryl. I tried to talk to her during the morning break, but she completely blew me off, saying she was busy. A few minutes later I saw her just hanging out with some other people and I heard my name followed by them laughing.
During lunch I ate by myself. No one seemed to want me to sit with them. To make things worse, I'm pretty sure Patrick was staring at me the whole time, though I never caught him. What's up with that? : ( : ( : ( : ( : (
In sixth period, North, whose a rich, preppy jerk, was even more of one. He sat behind me and kept saying really mean things. I felt like crying but I knew I couldn't in front of everyone. He kept calling me the Faerie Girl and Maneki Neko and asking me if I had seen any gnomes lately. He asked me what kind of hats gnomes like to wear and if I knew I was as ugly as a mushroom. After class I ran to the girl's restroom and locked myself into one of the stalls and sobbed. : ( : ( : ( : ( : ( : (
I tried to listen to Tori Amos today, but it made me feel stupid. Maybe Martin on I Love Music is right. I guess it is kind of overly dramatic. Still, I can't imagine not liking Tori. She's been there for me for so long. : ( : ( : ( : ( : ( : ( : ( : (
I'm not even going to talk about what Marla said to me today.
I think I need to stop writing now. I'm just bumming myself out even more thinking about everything again. I'll try again later on another entry this evening. I think right now I'm going to read my grandpa's journal some more or maybe bring down the rest of his journals from the attic. I hope everything is going better for whomever is reading this than everything is going for me. I'm sorry my blog is so bad. I'm sorry I suck.: (
Monday, August 26, 2002
I just want to begin by saying I'm a total, complete, absolute MORON! Well, sometimes I am anyway. The pizza ordeal became a pizza fiasco! Not only did I get caught up in the journal I brought down (more below!) from the attic, causing me to get way behind schedule without even realizing it but also I totally screwed the dough up. I accidentally put 1 tablespoon of yeast in instead of the one teaspoon the recipe called for. :-( That made the dough get way poofier than it should have been and it got all crumbly and stuff when I stupidly tried cooking it anyway. Oh, I was about to cry! How horrible. :-( :-( :-( :-(
A total shocker was that my brother didn't take the opportunity to jump on my failure and make tons of fun of me. He actually defended my cooking skills when his one friend, who's name I can never remember, made a snotty remark! lol Hell must have frozen over! More likely my brother was on the outs with him and took any opportunity to be argumentative with him, that's how my bro can be. Or maybe not. Maybe I'm just a pessimist and Brett was standing up for me after all. *wishful thinking* Being the total dream guy he is, Matthew was very nice even though I screwed up the meal. We all had take out Chinese instead, and I tossed the crumbly brick of dough straight into the trash! I had chow mei fun on the recommendations of Matthew, and boy was I not sorry! It's a kind of rice noodle thing, simply delictable. Or however you spell it! LOL Now I have all these leftover mushrooms. But I wouldn't worry about them going to waste! lol, I can always find uses for mushrooms.
Well like I said I got all caught up in the journal I brought down from the attic. They were indeed my grandfather's, though I already knew that. Or at least the one I brought down was my grandfather's because it had "Gedsel Fountain" on the inside cover, which was my grandfather's (extremely weird) name, and also because it was a journal of his encoutners with faeries! You have no idea how amped I was at this! Getting to read his journal(s) is a total dream come true! He was much closer with the little folk than I am, but I hope to get to know them as well as he did someday. lol I'm fully aware that you probably think he was nuts and I'm nuts for too. But I'm telling you people, faeries are real! My friends never take this kind of talk very well, but it's all true. Anyway, I read like fifty pages of this journal and lost track of time in the process because I was so totally into it, much more so than most books I've read, definately alot more than school asigned books. My grandfather was such a lucky and smart man. *sigh* I wish he were still here. Here's part of an entry for February 2, 1962...
"I woke at dawn ahead of my alarm clock by only thirty seconds. I was eager to make it to the forest and skipped shaving and shower, breakfast and coffee alike. It was bitterly cold, though there was no snow today, only rime and a slight fog. I made my way into the forest by 8:00 am and quickly came upon the source of my impetus when I saw two warm glimmers duck behind a cluster of slender trees. I worked my charms on them, soothing their justifiable fears of humanity with slow movement and a general sense of calmness and by whistling a lilting ballad, heartbreaking by our standards but nothing in the light of their incomparable music. They of course knew what I was up to, but appreciated my gesture nonetheless and came out with wry smiles. We talked for at least four hours in the numbing cold, mostly about me as their curiosity about humanity was insatiable. We live in such different worlds that theirs does not rub against ours out of avoidance on their part, but simply from the very differing natures of our mutual existences."
Wow! This journal is filled with such great observations and encounters, and I suspect that the attic contains many more of the same. I can only hope! *whew* I am tired now and still need to study for a quiz (already!) tomorrow, but I think I'll blow that off and catch the zzz's I sorely need.
*hugs* 'night! This would have been such a better day if I just hadn't screwed up that recipe and if Dad had called again in the evening like he promised.
Sunday, August 25, 2002
Boy, am I dumb! LOL. I almost forgot that the reason I wanted to write something was so I could share the recipes I was going to use for the crust and the sauce for the pizza.
1 cup water
2 tablespoons olive oil or cooking oil
2 cups bread flour
1 cup whole wheat flour
2 teaspoons dried basil, oregano, or Italian seasoning, crushed
3/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon garlic powder
1 teaspoon active dry yeast or bread machine yeast
Cornmeal (optional) (i like the cornmeal, so I recommend it)
Add all of the ingredients except cornmeal to a 1-1/2- or 2-pound bread machine according to the manufacturer's directions. Select the dough cycle. When the cycle is complete, remove dough from machine. Punch down. Cover and let rest 10 minutes.
Grease a 13- or 14-inch pizza pan. If desired, sprinkle greased pan with cornmeal. With greased fingers, pat dough into prepared pan, building up the edge. Cover and let rise in a warm place for 30 to 45 minutes or until nearly double. Bake in a 375 degree F oven for 20 to 25 minutes or until lightly browned. Add desired topping. Bake for 15 to 20 minutes more or until the topping is bubbly. Makes two 11- or 12-inch thin-crust pizzas or one 13- or 14-inch thick-crust pizza (6 servings). (I'm going to have to make at least 12 or more servings knowing how much my lazy brother eats. i expect his friends will be even worse except for Michael).
Now for the pizza sauce!
1 1/2 cups water
1/3 cup extra virgin olive oil
2 cloves garlic, minced
salt to taste
ground black pepper to taste
1/2 tablespoon dried oregano
1/2 tablespoon dried basil
1/2 teaspoon dried rosemary, crushed
Mix together the tomato paste, water, and olive oil. Mix well. Add garlic, salt and pepper to taste, oregano, basil, and rosemary. Mix well and let stand several hours to let flavors blend. No cooking necessary, just spread on dough.
For the pizza toppings I'm using mozarella and parmesan cheese. Oh, and I can't forget the mushrooms! I bought some nice crimini (which are really just baby portabellos) and some shitake and some oyster mushrooms. Boy, they sure did set me back in the money department. Good thing Dad wired me some more! LOL.
Sunday, August 25, 2002
When I first woke up this morning I almost jumped out of bed and tripped over my shoes on the floor. I have *so* much to do if I'm going to make dinner for Matthew and his friends my brother and his friends. LOL. I pretty much decided to try a recipe for a three mushroom deep dish pizza a friend in the mycological society gave me, but when I looked for a pan in the kitchen I couldn't find it. How frustrating! *grrrrr* and : ( Then I remember that my Dad and I had put some kitchen stuff that hadn't been used in a long time up in the attic. I just had a hunch that the pan I wanted was somewhere up there in all that junk.
So me and Maneki, my cat, pulled down the door and ladder in the ceiling and climb up there to poke around. In some ways its fun to see all the stuff I've forgotten about. Seeing boxes of old toys and clothes always makes me smile. I guess, though, it also makes me a bit sad too because it reminds me of Mom. I sure do miss her sometimes. Maneki loved it up there. I think she heard mice. She wad definitely on the prowl, slinking around every corner. LOL. I watched her out of the corner of my eye while I looked through boxes for the pan. I couldn't help but giggle. Hee hee. Just when I never thought I would find it, I found the apple crate with the old kitchen stuff in it. There was my pan nestled on top. Next to the crate was a tarp over some giant box so I couldn't resist moving it to take a peek at what was underneath it. Boy, did I gasp when I found an old beat up and scarred steamer trunk with my grandfather's initials engraved on the front. G.F. had to be him. I mean the trunk had to be as old as he was. LOL. Luckily there wasn't a lock on it, so I was able to open it up right there. Even Maneki was curious, jumping right on top of my shoulder and startling me. I didn't know what to expect. Well, to be honest, I thought I would just find a bunch of Grandpa's old clothes and maybe some pipes or something like that. I know I didn't expect to find a whole bunch of books with his handwriting inside of them. How incredible is that?! These must have been his diaries, and there sure were a lot of them. It was gettng late, though, and I still needed to make my pizza so I just grabbed one of the books to read later.
Speaking of cooking, I already spent too much time writing this. I need to get going making the pizza dough and pizza sauce. Sorry to dash! I didn't realize what time it was. *hugs* I hope Matthew likes the dinner. God I hope I don't screw it up like the time I tried to make a mushroom soufle. LOL.
Sunday, August 25, 2002
My mycological trip was simply amazing! Some I saw were the calvatia craniiformis, hypsizygus ulmarius, amanita thiersii, the totally pretty geastrum saccatum, hypomyces lactifluorum which is new for my journal, and the "devil's dipstick" mutinus elegans. Some of the other members on the hunt have cameras but I don't have a good one yet so I describe the mushrooms in my journal and put in copies of photographs from people with cameras when I get them. LOL I guess this is all probably really boring to you! While I was hunting mushrooms I was hunting faeries too, of course, and sadly no luck. But I think I did see a gnome cap behind a dead branch! You should have seen the doubletake I did, lol! Gnomes are as slippery as faeries and when I looked again it wasn't there anymore. Even when I checked out around the branch and under leaves I couldn't find a single thing. :( I'm convinced that it was a gnome cap though. And getting to see that by itself was a rare treat 'cause most people never see any gnomes or faeries at all! So even though I wish I could have got to talk to the gnome I'm really lucky to have got to see it at all. *sigh* I wonder if it's really gnomes and not faeries that have been watching me at night? Either one would be a big honor. There must be something in the Caruthers blood that makes us more in tune with the earth creatures and spirits. My grandpa really developed a close relationship with the faeries over time. I can only hope I will be as lucky as he was! LOL You probably think I'm totally crazy for all of this! Even my friends still roll their eyes when I mention seeing faeries, but I just can't help it. It's all true! lol I know that probably hasn't helped and you probably think I'm still nuts. :-
I think I was wrong about the big music heads at I Love Music. They've actually been nothing but nice to me now even though I'm such a dumbo compared to how much they know. But thanks to them I'm learning. They've been really supportive so far about a question I asked there. My suspicions were correct, my brother IS an idiot! LOL Wait until him and his friend see that at I Love Music! lol
Speaking of my brother's friend, I talked to him for a few minutes today while my brother finished showering so they could go out. Not only is he totally HOT! he's actually nice too! lol All I can say is he must be completely gay! LOL Maybe him and my brother? Ewwwwww! I would kill myself if that was true! I'd know there was no God then! LOL Anyway, I was totally nervous and fidgety while talking to him. I wonder if he noticed my red face? I was totally weak kneed the whole time, I don't even remember what we talked about! lol His name is Matthew. *deep sigh*
All in all a great day I think. Matthew and another of my brother's friends is going to be eating dinner with us tomorrow and my brother has talked me into cooking. I wonder if my brother knows how much I like his friend? Anyway, I'm going to show off my mushroom skills and make a truly tasty meal. I'll post the recipe if it actually turns out as great as it sounds, so we'll see. *fingers crossed that my lack of cooking skills doesn't fuck up the dinner*
*hugs* Later all!
Saturday, August 24, 2002
I can't believe a girl at KU was struck by lighting while walking near Potter Lake. It's amazing she survived pretty unscratched. My Uncle Elbert was hit two years a go on a fishing trip and his eyes melted in their sockets and his brain exploded. I remember the funeral like it was yesterday since it was open casket and Dad made me go up to it to pay my last respects. I think I had nightmares for week after that, his face hanging over me in the dark. Thank god I'm not such a big baby now! I feel terrible about what happened, though. I can't imagine what it was like for Uncle Elbert. A ranger found him a day after he died. My brother says that animals gnawed away his feet, but I know he was just trying to get a rise out me. He makes me so *MAD* sometimes. I don't know why he has to try to humiliate me all the time. Thank God I haven't seen him much the past few days. He's been coming home really late, making lots of noise and tripping over things and stuff. Don't quote me on this, but I think he's been drinking a lot since he left his band. Last night I heard him downstairs talking his friend (the *cute* one) in the living room. I could hear everything they said through the heat vent. After mentioning a friend who had been arrested by the police for selling fake IDs or something, they talked about starting a band. I hope his friend is the lead singer. I would die to see him perform. I bet he's good. He certainly looks good. *sigh*
I think the people on I Love Music were making fun of me. I knew I shouldn't have posted anything. They all think I'm dumb. I should probably just lurk for a while and learn about new stuff before I say anything again. I think I have a lot of unique things to say if I can get them out. Also, I think my favorite person there is Ned Raggett. I've even searched through AllMusic looking for stuff he has written to inspire me. I think he's the best. How cool is it to write stuff that people use to decide if a CD is good or not? After I get back from my mycological trip, I think I might drop by the record store and get something I've heard about on I Love Music and try to write a review. Maybe I'll even post here. You have to promise to not make fun of it, though. I'm just starting and I need a lot of practice. ;) I wonder what I should review? If you have any ideas, feel free to e-mail me. I love getting e-mail.
Saturday, August 24, 2002
As promised here is the poem I wrote about Tarans even though I am hypersensitive to criticism! lol So go easy, okay!? And remember I'm no pro poet! *cringes* Here we go....
The Taran Weeps Gently
Under slumping sloes in sloping dale
Are the sullen faces from deathly veils
Of unbaptized babes cast cruelly down
All for bad seeds of negligence sown
By pagan parents left to bereave
Alone, but for the falling leaves
Wasting and wilting on the haunted graves
Of these baby etheric earthbound slaves.
For them no funeral hymn is heard
No upright soul deigns to be stirred
For forsaken ones in a funereal land
So many downcast so close at hand
All piled posthumously in plum grove
For lack of a simple act too bad too love.
Far into the hoary hours of the night
Hasped securely from disarming rays of light
Are found the furtive fumblings and groans
Of the young dead doomed to have never grown
Mumbling 'mama' as a murderous droning plea
For freedom from their damned status as the
Condemned ghouls goading churlish child-bearers
To baptize babies for safety from Taran terrors.
It's about those poor Tarans, but in a way it's how I feel about the reactions against my mom and my grandpa too. It probably has no effect on you, but it's a really a totally emotional, personal kinda thing to me. :| (Still experimeting with emoticons, as you can see, LOL.)
Oh! *Whew!* Thank gawd, I got my backpack back! It was in the lost and found office at school today, which I totally blinked out on and didn't think to check until lunchtime. Everything was OK and still there and all except for my two cds. All in all I say I got lucky, big time! I could kick the ass of whoever stole it and then kiss their sores for turning it in, if it's them that turned it in. LOL Which it probably wasn't. I hope they catch whoever is doing this stuff because I think it's just not right. There have been some other locker break ins already but I don't know if the other people got their stuff back or not. I can identify with those poor people for sure. *sighs sigh of ENORMOUS relief*
I better end this entry now 'cause I be gettin' up early to go mushroom huntin' with my mycological friends almost all of who talk like dis. LOL But I love them, no cares in the world but the beautiful mushroom! If we could all just live like mushroom hunters there'd be no war, no hatefulness. Oh boy. I'm thinking too deep too late at night for my own good! lol
*stretch* *yawn* Good night everyone and *hugs* to all my friendly readers! lol (No *hugs* from me if you aren't a nice person!)
P.S. I almost forgot! I found this awesome link to a site called I Love Music while snooping into what kind of sites my brother visits while I'm not around. It's very informative and I'll probably add it to my links section but for now I REALLY have to go to bed so I can drag my butt out of it tomorrow morning! *grins*
Friday, August 23, 2002
I'm sitting in my room listening to Helium's The Magic City and writing this. I hope I'm not becoming compulsive about writing in my blog. lol. My brother knocked on my door an hour a go. He wanted to borrow ten dollars for the night. He's going to see some bands with his *cute* friend. I gave him the money hoping he would invite me, too. He didn't even ask me so I had to. I can't believe he chuckled and said it was 21 and over. I bet he was lying. GRRRRR!
Sometimes when I sit here alone I think someone is watching me. The hairs on the back of my neck stand up and I whirl around to catch whomever is peeping at me through my bedroom window. Usually its just me freaking myself out because of a twig brushing up against the glass or the wind. I'm such a scaredy cat sometimes. lol. Sometimes, though, its fun to imagine that maybe its an elf or something that is in love with me, entranced by me but too afraid to approach. That would be nice wouldn't it? It would be nice to have a boyfriend again. All my friends are going out this friday on dates. That just leaves me sitting by myself at home. Maybe I should call Patrick. I wish I could get my brother's friend to notice me. I guess maybe I wish too much sometimes. :(
Next week is the anniversy of my mom's disappearance. I wish Dad would be here, but I understand he has to do his job. Maybe when I write my next entry I'll share what happened. I still remember it like it was yesterday.
I really want to post my poem, but I'm not sure if I should. It's called "The Taran Weeps Gently". Tarans are Scottish spirit creatures that are the souls of unbaptized babies. They strike a chord inside of me so I wrote my poem. I guess it's also kind of about missing my grandpa and my mom too. Next time, though.
Friday, August 23, 2002
Okay, so I added a few links, out of many to add yet still. I linked two new blogs because I think they too are super and very interesting to read. And I put a new link in the music links section for pitchfork. I'm totally revved up by that site right now!
Still no new word on my backpack. :( :( :( I could live with losing the school books and even the music, but I've put a lot of hard work into my mushroom journal. All in all, this last schoolyear is turning out to be shit! *weeps*
Everything at school was magically back to normal and there was no mention of Mrs. Irving and nobody seemed to hold my boorishness yesterday against me! What's up with that!? lol I better not ask too hard about all that and just enjoy that little bit of mercy.
I had the best meal EVER tonight! Gawd, it was good. I'd put it in my mycological journal if it wasn't STOLEN. :( But I always say it's best not to dwell on the negative things in life and instead it's good to dwell on the positive side and make the best of a bad thing. I'm already making a new journal and my first entry is this mushroom recipe, which I think is so super I decided to enter it here too because I don't care who you are you'll love this! lol I'm not a vegetarian exactly but I think it'd be easy living if I ever decided to switch! Anyway, here's the mucho deliciouso recipe:
mushroom kabobs
12 ounces firm tofu, cut into 1-1/2 inch chunks
10 ounces (about 3-1/2 cups) standard fresh white mushrooms, I left the smaller ones whole and chopped the bigger ones up
2 cups peeled eggplant, cut into 1-1/2 inch chunks
2 cups sweet red bell pepper cut into 1-1/2 inch chunks, I used yellow pepper though 'cause that's all there was in the house and I'm lazy and not heading to the store for one ingrediant! lol
8 scallions cut into 2 inch pieces
1 cup bottled fat-free creamy roasted garlic dressing
1 tsp. cumin seeds, I could only find cumin powder and used that instead
1 tbs. chopped fresh cilantro or parsley (blech! I hate cilantro so I used parsley)
You just turn the broiler on while you're making these. While the broiler is getting hot just toss the tofu, mushrooms, eggplant, bell pepper, green onions, garlic dressing, cumin, and cilantro until everything is coated really good. Then just skewer the ingrediants and stick them in the broiler, real close to the heat. Then just turn them often, putting some of the leftover garlic dressing on them and do this for about 10 minutes and voila! *Yum* I made safron rice with it because it seemed like it would be fitting but I think you could serve it with whatever you feel like. This was good stuff! "Don't take my word for it..." LOL
I wrote a really special poem today and I was going to post it here but I think I'll wait until tomorrow during my lunch break at school or after I get home because I've already wasted enough of your time tonight! lol As if that many people are reading it anyway, that is. Also it's kind of personal and I'm a little scared of posting it here for the whole world to see (potentially). LOL Weird hangups and stuff.
*fingers still crossed that my backpack will turn up tomorrow*
'night John-Boy :)
P.S. Weekend's almost here which means mushroom and faerie hunting is almost here which means I won't be in dreadfull school for a couple of glorious days!!!! lol
Thursday, August 22, 2002
Someone broke into my locker at school today. My backpack was gone and with it all my books and my mycological journal. I also had the two CDs I had bought after reading Pitchfork. What a terrible terrible terrible day. I sure do need a *hug*. :(.
To make things worse, my Dad called on my cell. He's going to be gone another week. He wired me some more money. I just have to remember to not tell my brother about or he'll try to mooch it off of me. I was really hoping Dad would be here this weekend. I'd planned on making dinner and everything. Since Mom disappeared eight years ago, he's the only person I can depend on in the whole world. He always seems to understand. On the positive side, though, he said he found a Maneki Neko statue, which he bought for me. I can't wait!
I guess I'll have more later! Keep your fingers crossed that I get my backpack crossed! :)
Thursday, August 22, 2002
Today was a total bore. It was like everyone all of a sudden wanted to shut up at school. I asked Cheryl, one of my best friends, what was going on. Actually I said, "Did somebody DIE or something!?" Meaning it as a joke. Well, how was I supposed to know our vice principal Mrs. Irving was in the hospital after having a very bad accident and that her kid was dead!? Jeezus, nobody filled me in on that one! I felt like a total shoe for the rest of the day at school and then even felt bad because I honestly didn't care so much about her accident and her kid and only felt horribly bored most of the day. *sigh* It's always one thing or another with these things. Marla, who I share friends with (I get along with Marla OK though, it's not like we're enemies or anything) made a snide remark about me being so insensitive! That really hurt my feelings, partly because I feel like it is true. I dunno. I can just say I'm not looking forward to school tomorrow with all this stuff going on. A major drag. Damned if I do it, damned if do not do it!
I found this totally awesome site today after I got home. It's called pitchfork, a home for independant music. LOL This site will keep me in the gravy for a loooong time! Actually, I didn't find it. My loser brother's totally hot friend was at the house when I got home and they were at the site. Snoopy me, I checked it out later on. lol *super sigh* this guy is HOT! But how good can he be if he hangs around my brother...willingly!? 
Oh! DuUh! Sorry for leaving my totally nonexistent loyal followers hanging earlier, lol. That phone call that interrupted me was from my crazy pals at the mycological society. I'm excited! I'll be going over to Clinton State Park, which is just a skip and hop and another skip away from KU, to look for mushrooms. It's starting to get closer and closer to the time when I won't be able to hunt 'shrooms. *YEEEP!* Winter! More on that trip which I'm sure you find totally boring after it happens. I'll be keeping my eyes peeled for faeries!
Hummmm, looks like it's about time to end another entry into this thing to cap off a boring day, I'll spread it to you, lol. I have to find my cat before I can head to bed now! I totally freaked her out. LOL Her name is Manny which is short for Maneki Neko, her full name. What a good cat. I was totally bored and got in a weird mood and decided to make Manny look like a real maneki neko and tied her left paw to her head! lol She totally didn't appreciate that, but didn't try to get me back either! Just goes to show what kind of trouble I can cause if I get bored enough! LOL I think I need a boyfriend, or a life! lol
*hugs* and good nights are on the house!
Wednesday, August 21, 2002
While cutting Crimini mushrooms for a salad, I started thinking about my grandfather, who was an amateur mycologist. He seemed to know everything. When we would go for walks he would always point out different kinds to me, telling me different stories. Once we came upon a circle of mushrooms and he asked me if I knew what it was. I didn't. He said it was a fairy ring. His eyes twinkling, he said that when he was boy in Cork he had encountered fairies once dancing under a full moon that was like a huge silver coin suspended in the black sky. Knowing better than to approach them, he hid behind a rock and spied on them. Boy was he surprised, he said, when he felt a tap on his shoulder and turned to find himself face to face with one of them. He wanted to run but he couldn't move. The fairy sternly shook its head. Its voice sounded like tinkling bells. It told my Grandpa that he shouldn't be a peeping tom. No one likes being secretly watched. He had a good mind to curse him for his impolite spying. Darn, the phone is ringing. I guess I'll have to continue later. Well, at least I'm not being so grumpy. I'm never grumpy when I think about my Grandpa. :)
Wednesday, August 21, 2002
*Whew!* What. A. Day. All of these negative brother tensions culminated in me calling him a prick, which I felt really bad about afterwards. And to think, I wanted to call him a fucking prick! lol I go out of my way to haul his stinky butt back home and have to stop off at his friends house first of course and then to McDonalds, where I even have to pay for his food 'cause he's broke of course. I just threw the bag of McDonalds food into his lap. He had to know I was angry! And then after we get home he's all treating me like crap again, or still I should say. Like, he doesn't even really live here anymore and he still thinks he can just waltz around like he does? That's when I called him a prick. He just laughed and I could feel myself getting all emotional and stormed off or else I probably would have given him what for, let me tell you! I still love him and all that stuff but I just wish he'd treat me better. He fails to realize I'm 18 now, not his little kid sister pestering him like when I was ten!
And as if the whole brother thing wasn't enough, I bumped into Patrick in the halls today. (He used to be my boyfriend and then my psuedo-boyfriend for a while, and then my absolute worst enemy for a long time.) We get along OK I guess but we'll never be friends again and DEFINITELY never boyfriend/girlfriend ever again. It's not so bad seeing him really. We had good times together, before the bad times. It's just depressing being reminded about the sad past every time I see him or hear him talking. He was gone last year 'cause he went to Michigan to live with his Grandparents but now he's back again. It's just a major bummer in a way. This is my last year and I could have gone for like the entire time without seeing Patrick again. It would make things all tidy! *big SIGH* He kissed good at least.
On a lighter note, I know I promised I'd be more cheerful and here I've just been a glum girlie LOL Anyway, on a lighter note I took one of those web tests to see what kind of strange little girl I am from Tori Amos' latest album and here are the results:
