Layout:
blah .. hchan here. i slapped together this layout for dearest kchan =D it's a pic by the xenogears artist. now kchan won't feel afraid to look at her own blog..'cos that man was frightening...

Quote of the day:
"Sing for absolution // I will be singing // Falling from your grace..." -Muse, Sing for Absolution

::<3 of Kristen::

I'm going to boycott Valentine's Day. I never have a valentine anyway, so it's not like I'll miss anything or be braking with tradition or something like that e-e; I figure I'll rent some unromantic movies (I definately want to see The Godfather, and maybe a Bruce Lee movie) and eat things that are bad for me. Yep.

-Kchan, who has very little to say at this time

sanity was maintained @ 01:46 a.m.

Mmmm...oxy moron...
There is a song by Muse called Sing for Absolution, but I realized that if you aren't paying enough attention to what Mathew Bellamy is singing, it sounds like "sinful" instead of "sing for" because of his accent. I think I like it better as sinful. I'll have to use it in something besides my entry title.

-Kchan <((_-)>

sanity was maintained @ 11:08 p.m.

Maybe I should stop putting so much personal meaning into my poems. There's no way anyone will get what I'm saying if I keep writing poems for myself. I'm selfish that way about it. I write them for ME, because I need to express myself in some way so I won't go insane. I pack all of this feeling into them, all of these things that only I understand all the tiny implications of...I like getting comments, and I truly appreciate constructive criticism. But I realized that sometimes, even though other people might not realize it, I'm leaving myself completely bare in some of these poems. Even if it's just in a single line, I'm still totally exposed. I can't figure it out. I felt a little weird when Kim took those pictures, but this is somehow different. Body and soul are connected, but it takes a lot longer for your soul to heal when it gets hurt. Am I just afraid that someone will say something completely negative about a poem or essay or a drawing that bares me to the world? Well...yeah. But can I handle that if it happens...?

-Kchan <((.o)>

sanity was maintained @ 08:29 p.m.

First day of "school" today. It was freezing outside when I went to get my schedule. I didn't think I'd actually have to start classes today, though. It just seems stupid to start on a Tuesday, you know? But then orientation was on Friday, so...whatever.
I went to the front desk, and the lady can't find my schedule, but I shouldn't leave. I should just go sit down and wait. Okay.
Ten minutes or so after classes started, I discover that I'm too anxious about the fact that they can't find my schedule to draw anything decent. Without this distraction, I start to get more aggitated by the wait, and I'm trying really hard not to cry.
It's taken me years to get here, and now I seem to be completely screwed. I have to walk as calmly as I can to the bathroom to wipe my eyes, and then I go back to my seat and wait some more.
Five or ten minutes later, and the guy from the desk walks by. He asks me if I need help, sees my expression and asks if I'm okay. This question, of course, is a trigger. Even if I say nothing, without fail, it makes me cry. He calls some one over as they walk past, and says this guy is perfect for the job of helping me.
"First of all, let me give you a hug." I am suddenly aware of his leather jacket. It's very nice.
I explain that I'm very stressed out by not having been in school for so long, and now I seem not to have a schedule, yes, I'm okay. I get another hug anyway. Whatever. He's too old for me, but he's still cute.
The woman at the counter is suddenly aware of this, and magically she already has my schedule. Fucking bitch. She could have told me earlier.
I make my way to class, and lucklily I'm not the only person in late. My hugger (I think his name is Mr. Johnson) leads me to the right room, arm around my waist in a brotherly way. I'm embarrassed and comforted at the same time. It's an odd sensation, but not a new one.
As if to remind me that I hate school, the first class I'll be taking this week is math. We start with a pre-test. SAT style, but with answers written on notebook paper. The person next to me is named Miguel, but I only know this because his name is above mine on the sing-in sheet. I'm too upset to try to make friends with anyone. I find myself wishing for the comfort of Hchan's always amusing (and stress relieving) presence. Damn.
Some one behind me starts snoring.
What is this woman's proplem? I know exactly what Miguel means. He thought this was a practice test, and that the score wouldn't matter, so he threw his answer paper away. Why is this so hard for her to understand? His accent is so slight that he probably only has it because he grew up with people who had them at home.
I have to grade my own paper? Fine. She doesn't want to read it all out so she tells us that all the answers are in the back of the book, so just turn to this page and start grading. Fine. Miguel sits there with nothing to do. Poor guy.
Grading is boring work. I have no plans to be a teacher.
How nice of her to let us out early. She tells us it won't happen again, but I doubt it.
I go to the front desk. "Look who's back," he says, but he's smiling. Too bad Mr. Johnson isn't there too, so I can thank him. I explain myself, and say thanks. I find that I'm oddly happy that the woman isn't there. She's been decidedly unhelpful every time I've come into contact with her. The only time she was helpful was the first day I met her, when I came with my mom to sign up for classes. I feel the urge to slap her, but she isn't there. I walk out of the building, call Debbie on mom's cellphone, and wait in the cold for her to arrive.
I talk to Hchan for a while and start to feel better. Mom calls, I talk to her for a bit, and I ask her if we can have pizza. She says yes. Huzzah for comfort food.
I spend a large amount of time zoning in and out with the TV on, sort of watching it but sort of not. Robert Downey Jr. can play piano? Weird. I don't care if it came from Frech trees. Hildi is still putting tree bark on this person's wall. Stupid cunt. Everything is starting to become one thought, one paragraph, one sentence. Then mom gets home and I see the "new" car. It's a Mercury. I hate it. Maybe it won't be as ugly once it gets all the Georgia clay washed off. But I don't think so. I'm just too used to the well rounded curves of our Buick.
Mmm. Black olives and Canadian bacon. Oh yes.
I look out at the sky and borrow Debbie's computer. DA, of course, is an ass. My back hurts. That about brings us up to date. I'm going to finish reading The Godfather now.

-Kchan <((+))>

sanity was maintained @ 08:09 p.m.

I talked with Joe. It got scary. 'Cept not. XDD

KchanZombie: Joe.
KchanZombie: Word of the day.
KchanZombie: Megalopolis.
KchanZombie: XD
KchanZombie: If you hear some one say it, scream.
KchanZombie: But if the furniture starts to talk, or Lawrence Fishburne shows up dressed as a Cowboy...
KchanZombie: You've been sucked into a time warp and into Pee Wee's Playhouse..
KchanZombie: And the only way out alive...
KchanZombie: Is to..uhmm....
KchanZombie: Hmm.
KchanZombie: There IS no way out.
KchanZombie: You're stuck with Pee Wee forever.
n00bg33k: gross :)
KchanZombie: You could always steal his scooter
n00bg33k: i didnt know lawrence fishburn was in pee wee's
KchanZombie: Yes.
KchanZombie: As a cowboy.
KchanZombie: In chaps.
KchanZombie: XDDDD
n00bg33k: i remember the cowboy
n00bg33k: haha
KchanZombie: That was him.
KchanZombie: xD
n00bg33k: thats messed up
KchanZombie: I know.
n00bg33k: he was in the tv show?
KchanZombie: Yarr.
n00bg33k: oh god
KchanZombie: XDD
KchanZombie: The Matrix is forever tarnished.
KchanZombie: By talked armchairs.
KchanZombie: And public exposure suits.
KchanZombie: Uhh..
KchanZombie: TALKING.
KchanZombie: XD
KchanZombie: Talking armchairs.
KchanZombie: .....named Chairy. ::shudder::
KchanZombie: I hated that chair......

The End =D...........................FOR NOW. =O

-Kchan <((_o)>

sanity was maintained @ 02:12 p.m.

Yes. My computer chair is a booger-free zone. Thank you.

I've come to realize that I'm probably a bit of a dork. But I make really good gyoza. So it's all good.

-Kchan <((_~)>

sanity was maintained @ 05:02 p.m.

This is how my morning has been:
McKinley> ::sits in the front room, screaming for no reason::
Mom> ::sits at the table and reads because she gave up trying to figure out what his problem was after about ten minutes of him screaming::
Me> ::comes out to see what's wrong.:: Hey, what's the matter? ::sees the balloons he's playing with, and tries to play with him::
McKinley> ::screams louder::
Mom> xF...::gets up:: He is SO tired. He's been yawning a lot. We could go shopping for your gyoza stuff and he would probably sleep in the car...::carries him --still screaming-- into the family room::
McKinley> NOOooooooOOOnooOOONOOOoooo!! ::struggles for a bit and gives up, but still whines::
Me> ::tries to snuggle him:: I love you 9-9 ::leans against mom's shoulder, where his head is::
McKinley> ::looks over mom's shoulder, sees the TV:: BARNEY =O ::shoves me in the EYE::
Mom> ::hate of Barney:: Yes, Barney's on TV. e.e
Me> akljsgYes. Shove me in the eye, I don't mind at all. ::walk away:: x_e
Mom> ??
McKinley> ::hypnotized by the TV::

Yeah. That's about how the morning has gone.

There's a Chinese New Year thing at church on Thrusday, and I'm going to try out the gyoza recipe. The only problem is that the recipe doesn't say what kind of vinegar to use in the dipping sauce.
I want Chinese now, but not as much as I want sushi and some miso...::stares at Julie::

-Kchan <((_e)>

sanity was maintained @ 09:56 a.m.

The sleeve of my hoodie smells like Hershey's cocoa powder because I made cocoa this morning. Then, I hid it in the back of the fridge. Because I can. And then I told Debbie where it was, because she's feeling gross from her surgery so it seemed like a nice thing to do, sharing it with her. I'm hoping J-D won't find it. He uses massive cups when he isn't drinking directly from the container. Jerk.

I'm planning a dinner party. It will feature Japanese foods. Well, gyoza is really Chinese, but it's very popular in Japan and is served in a lot of Japanese restaurants. I'm not going to attempt sushi. That will take a lot of trial and error, and I'd have to get all the things you need to make it, like the bamboo mat and the rice paddle...and there was something else, but I can't remember what. So I'll be sticking to miso soup, gyoza (I keep wanting to call it gyozu instead xD), and fried rice. I think I should have Pocky for dessert XD
I have the feeling that the gyoza will probably look really ugly. You have to do this...thing with the dough after you put in the filling. Like...adding pleats to it. The recipe says, specifically, that I should put six of them on the dumpling before frying...e.e
Of course...now I'm hungry.
The problem is, I don't really want to have it here. I've been wanting to get away from the house more and more. Another thing is, cooking for a lot of people is hard. I manage okay with my family, but for some reason, I'm always nervous when I cook for large groups of non-family members. I've never really been able to understand it. Maybe I just don't care as much if I screw up making food for my family or something? XDD

There's still a pink line on my hand where I scratched it on the fence. My knee is looking better, though. And...as for the other scratches...I'm really glad they've been healing without itching.
<((__x)>

After a while, cocoa powder smells kind of gross. I'm gonna have to wash this hoodie now.

I really want sushi. Some one should take me to Jasmine's and eat sushi with me, because I actually have some money right now.

I want to see Hedwig again.

I miss eating sushi with Kristen. ::singletear::

-Kchan <((_v)>

sanity was maintained @ 01:31 p.m.

Joel is a genius. You're just jealous, is all.

I've decided that I like James Taylor, and that no matter how long it takes my brother to realize it, I will not play Ever Quest. So there. I won't play FF11 either. Sorry Matt.

Pizza is good. Yes. I wish there was some left over from last night.

I refuse to sleep today. I slept all yesterday, and then I slept through a good deal of the night. I will NOT sleep today.

Something in my throat feels swollen. Swallowing gives me an unpleasantly weird sensation. This presents a bit of a problem, because I'm really hungry.

Debbie's surgery went well. She stayed in the hospitol overnight, and she may have to stay another one...I'm not entirely clear on the details because I was half asleep when mom got home and started telling dad about it. Apparently, the infection was pretty bad, and so was the pain when she woke up. They had to give her the maximum dose of demerol (or however you spell that).

Pretend I just said something profound and think about it for a while.

-Kchan <((_')>

sanity was maintained @ 08:11 a.m.

I want to get started on that story...it's sort of a childrens book...only not for children. If that makes sense at all >_>;;
I want to paint it all, but that means a lot of trial and error, and a lot of tedium when it comes to the drying time of watercolors. There's also the matter of my handwriting...

I wish I could understand what Dave Mathews is singing in this song (An' Another Thing). He's doing it with so much feeling, and I'd really like to sing along, but I can only understand a few things he's said so far...I found the lyrics someplace online, but I don't feel like staring at it and singing at the same time. That sort of ruins it.

If you combine Dave Mathews and Harrison, you get the new guy on Blue's Clues. I think his name is Joe. I find it strange that Steve is a "rocker" now. In quotes. Because I felt like it. So there.
But seriously. It's weird. I used to take care of this little girl who loved Blue's Clues, and now Steve is gone, and McKinley watches it...and it's just weird. Sorta like watching Sesame Street now that Elmo is really popular. I miss the Honkers, and Harry Monster, and those crazy alien things that could only say "Yep" and "Nope" really fast over and over. Kermit isn't on as a reporter anymore, either. And Bigbird is still like...four years old or something.
Baby Bear totally sucks. At least they don't have Prarie Dawn anymore. I didn't like her, either.
I still can't believe that they took away The Count's thunder and lightning. I think they took away the bats that swoop around him, too.
TV sucks.

I'm going to need to archive in a while if I keep posting every day like this >.o

-Kchan <((_-)>

sanity was maintained @ 11:38 p.m.

I want to be someplace else. That place being the other side of the country (Oregon and Washington in particular). There are people and places I want to see, things I want to do, and adventures I want to have.
However, there are also things that I have to do; things I need to do. But it's the wanting that hurts most right now, not the need or the obligation.
I wish I could stop shivering. It seems like a silly thing to do in Florida, even though it's January, and it's cold. I think it's because I feel vulnerable, and shivering makes me see how fragile I am…or at least how fragile I think I am. Those who know me best know that I seldom think much of myself, and when I start to, I quickly remind myself of all the things I think are wrong with me. It’s stupid, I know, but I can’t seem to help it.
And still, the wanting is what really gets to me.

It pisses me off, how depressed I've been. I mean, I was so happy about my computer...and when I think about it, it still makes me happy. But I've come to realize that happiness is a fleeting thing.

We finally got my glasses adjusted, so I can wear them now. And, I paid my mom back for my computer and my tablet. My mom sent Harrison's present, but I forgot to get Lina's wrapped in shipping paper and get the address...so it's still glaring at me every time I go past or down the hallway. Which is a lot. >.<;;

I want very much to post in Batalha, but I'm having a horrible time thinking of anything good. I stopped my latest post in the rp before I'd even started it (at first because I realized that I had almost 50 messages on DA that I had to take care of, and then because I just couldn't bring myself to do anything but write some poems and a really whiney journal entry).

Apparently, God is in the TV...but I think that Marilyn Manson is kind of messed up, so I don't know that I believe him. It's a good song, though.

Why is J-D not at work tonight? Does he have the night off or something? Because..I'm supposed to be cleaning the family room right now, but that's where he sleeps, and I dunno when he's gonna go to sleep. I also don't know that he'll actually be able to get his own place by February like he first planned to, which sucks. Debbie and I are getting tired of having to put the seat down. I wouldn't mind it if he just forgot, but he does it on purpose, which is immature and annoying of him. I love my brother, but he needs to realize that he's nearly thirty, and is passed the time when you have to grow up.

Holy crap. I'm going to be twenty this year. That's four whole hands. I feel so old. It's highly illogical.

-Kchan <((_c)>

(P.S. Ohman...crazy flash movie...End of the World)

sanity was maintained @ 02:16 a.m.

My CPU is here!! IT'S SO SHINY!!! 8DDDDDDDDDD

Harrison wishes everyone here a "SUPER DOUBLE MAXIMUM ACTION FANTASTIC SPECTACULAR EXTREME!!! new year"...but since I hardly ever get out of the house, I will be lazy and just put it in my blog XDDD

Robert forgot my tablet...but it's okay. He went to get it a few minutes ago, and I got on my dad's computer to blog (I'll be doing internet stuff from this one for a while yet) because I couldn't contain my happiness over the sheer...shiny..wonder.......that is my new computer. XDDDD It's the "Alien X" series, or something like that, so it has these...things on the front ::eyeshift xDD:: which are all..nifty looking. ::wibble::
Robert is giving me his copy of Correll(sp?) 8, so that's cool. Now I can work on all o' dems arts that I can't finish in MS Paint. :D

Debbie is home now, and is rather drugged up on pain killers. She has an appointment on Thrusday to schedule her surgery, and mom thinks that all of Debbie's sickness and stuff this past year were probably due to her gallstones. Apparently, there are a lot of them in there..so...uhmm. Meh.

I've decided that "muthahfuckahwhatthefuck" is the best phrase ever, but only if you say it really fast so it becomes a single word. That's what you get for messin' with Krazee Eyes Killah...or however they spelled it xDDD

::robot voice:: Me <3 Kristen!

-Kchan

sanity was maintained @ 10:14 p.m.

Stephen King said that the bathroom is one of the best places to get ideas. He's absolutely right. I have an idea for a little story. I just need to know how to go about it, is all. I have a vague idea of how I want it to look, so that's good...

I really wish I had my computer.

-Kchan

sanity was maintained @ 08:39 p.m.

Fucking....DA. I hate it. For some reason, I suddenly can't leave comments, and half the links aren't working. Or, mayhap it's for no reason at all. Hopefully Hchan will get her own site soon (and Dell will stop being assy with her, and send her a computer that actually WORKS), because she said she'd let me put my stuff on it. ::snuggles her::
The only thing I would miss about DA is seeing other people's stuff, and leaving comments. There are some people I really like there, and who's art is so amazing to me that I'd hate not to see it anymore, and not be able to tell them what I think about it. I know I could probably still go and just not post art or anything, but...meh. It just doesn't seem worth it, you know? Also, if you don't check your messages in more than a month, they all get deleted. Unless you have a pay account, that is.
Fucking.....fuck.

I got into a fight with a chainlink fence, and I lost. Oh well. I didn't get seriously hurt, and it amuses me now. Except for the hole in the leg of my new pants, and in the sleeve of my black hoodie. That makes me a bit angry with myself for having shoes that aren't thin enough in the toe to climb fences. And why did I think, that after spending half the month sick in bed...that I was physically fit enough climb a fence? I'm not sure. But it beats being born again...::glance to Julie and Luke xD:: Ah well. I still think it's funny, in a morbid, self-punishing sort of way. Too bad I didn't have any spray paint. :/

My CPU should be here on Tuesday. Robert still has my tablet. He was "testing it" to make sure I didn't get cheated. And...they still haven't brought it over. ::shrug:: I think he's setting it all up for me anyway, so he can bring it then. I should have him bring me a copy of that Brainwash Projetcts cd, too...

Debbie has gallstones. And she's in Utah. Poor girl. I feel bad for her, because she was going out there for her birthday (which is today), and to be with Thomas, and now she's in the hospital. I hope she gets better fast. She's supposed to come home in a few days, and I don't know how long it takes for that sort of thing to clear up...or if it DOES clear up >_o

Well...Kristen is gone. I hope she and Ryan are safe :3

I spent the weekend with Hchan. It was so good to be out of the house. You have no idea...it was just so great, even though we didn't go anywhere (we seldom do), and right when I was starting to feel sort of blah emotionally for no particular reason, I found Harrison's present on my bed :D ::huggle of Harry-San x3:: It's lovely.
We'd come back to my house to raid it of food and to get some cd's, and I went into my room...and there was my package from Harrison. It made me happy.

Hedwig is an awesome movie. I need the soundtrack, because it rocks. There was a part where I went, "Fmuh??" but Krista explained what happened...so...yeah xD
Chicken wings are yummy. But I still don't like eating meat off of the bone...

I can't get over how fun The Boondock Saints is. I love that movie. x3

-Kchan

sanity was maintained @ 07:06 p.m.

I...am so sick. xp
We celebrated on Christmas Eve instead of Christmas Day this year, because so many of the kids have families of their own now, and want to spend the day together (or they have in-laws to deal with).
Bah. I hope you all had a lovely holiday. I did, even though it feels like I'm being stabbed in the throat every time I swallow (unless I keep Ibuprofen Cold & Sinus in my system...which is horrible for my stomach).

On the bright side, I really did have a great Christmas, even though I basically threw a tantrum that night. Things were just starting to suck way too bad for it to be a holiday. I was starting to hurt all over, and I couldn't get my contacts out (my glasses are broken), and I was just so tired of it all that I broke down.
So I sat in Debbie's room, and watched the hermit crab she got for Ben. Hermit crabs are surprisingly cute little things, but--of course--they are very shy. I had to put him in the water to get a good look at him. I really wasn't expecting him to be so...cute. But he was.

On the way back from the doctor's office yesterday, mom stopped at Target, and when she came back, she told me that she'd gotten matching cd cases for Hchan and I, as a Christmas gift, and that maybe we could ask Debbie if we might use her paint-pens...and decorate them. My mom is the cutest person I know. She's so sweet.

I'm trying to think of positive things to say, because I'm tired of only complaining in here. Hmm..let's see..
I'm reading the Dark Tower series. It's pretty good so far. I'm also reading the Dune books, and they've been really good, too. I can't find the third one, though :/ I know J-D has it, but I couldn't find it when I looked...it might be in the laundry room still (his stuff is all on the deck because it reeks of cigarettes, and some of the rain got under the tarp..so we had to put his books in the laundry room to dry).

Woah...I suddenly have a song from Electric Dreams in my head. <(o_O)>

Hchan is here, and she's on J-D's computer. I've no idea what she's up to, though xD; Probably just surfing around go-gaia or DA. It's a relief to have her here, actually. I've been sick for fifteen days now, and I was getting a bit stir crazy. It's nice to have some one outside of the family in the house.

Debbie got Finding Nemo. I want to watch it...

-Kchan <((_s)>

sanity was maintained @ 08:54 p.m.

I had a fun time with Hchan today. She bought me a cd (Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain by Pavement :DD) for Christmas, and we walked around the mall. I was feeling very tired when I got up, and I've been kinda under the weather for the past week or so, but now I'm actually sick. On Sunday, what I thought to be a rather awkward pimple on my mouth turned out to be a cold sore...and then, as today wore on, I felt worse and worse.
It was very nice out today--a bit on the cool side, but sunny and clear--and mom had the heater turned off, and the front door open. She and Debbie wore short-sleeved shirts. I bundled up and shivered. I bounced back and forth between hot and cold (which I noticed as Hchan and I ate in the food court...and she told me it was menopause XDDD) most of the day, and into the night. Which is still going on as I type this.

My family came over for dinner. All of them. We put up our nativity (which has a manger made from Lincoln Logs..because we were very poor when we first got the nativity), and sang Christmas songs, and laughed a lot, mostly at the boys. Liane is looking lovely, but that's to be expected because not only is she very pretty, she's also pregnant, and pregnancy seems to make most women a lot prettier for some reason. Maybe it's a primal thing. I dunno. But I can see where the saying about pregnant women "glowing" came from. They do seem to be more radiant than most people. All that life inside of them, I expect.

I burned so many cd's today. It's crazy. I have no place to put these cd's. But I can't resist music. It's just..one of those things.

I have horrible hand writting. It's worse than usual, too..because my hands are shaking more now that I'm sick. Interesting, I know. <((_e)>;;

I don't have anything to say, really. I feel like that a lot lately...like nothing I say is important, or has little worth. Sure, some of the things I say get laughs. Some of them seem to be intelligent. But right now, with my brian getting a little fuzzier around the edges than usual...nothing seems to matter.

Oh yes. I posted in the rp. Finally. Huzzah.

-Kchan <((_c)>

sanity was maintained @ 10:29 p.m.

I...have ordered a computer. ::wibble:: And a tablet. ::bounce:: And........this makes me VERY happy. x3

-Kchan <((_____~)>

sanity was maintained @ 12:06 p.m.

Okay. After reading over the last post in my blog for typos...and realizing the content....I've come to the conclusion that I need to stop taking myself so seriously. I'll drive myself insane with melodrama very soon if I don't.

Writing about the mechanics of certain words was interesting, though. I've thought about it before, but I couldn't quite grasp the proper way to go about it until I read that book...

Thanks, Hari Kunzru. I picked your book out at the library on a whim, and now I get to be a lemming that takes things a step further. And without the interruptions of the sexual implications of the word, "fuck"...just the raw mechanics of this versatile expletive, and its good friend, "shit" (which you neglected, because you were focusing on sex at the time) :3

-Kchan <((_c)>

sanity was maintained @ 07:26 a.m.

I haven't listened to this cd in a long time. It's sad, really, because Lawn Boy is a good cd. I didn't even have to pay for it. It wasn't a gift, exactly...some one at FSU left their cd case in the computer lab, and it sat in the lost and found for months and months, until my dad took pity on it and brought it home for me to look through. And that's the story of how you were born. And how I got my Phish cd's, and my Bob Marley cd's. The end. :D

J-D is living with us. Have I mentioned that already? Well, until February (at the latest, I'm told) J-D will be living at home again.
Sucks for him I guess, since he's almost thirty, and has been living away from home for so long now. That, and..you know....the whole bankruptcy thing. >->;; Stupid roommates, always stealing credit card numbers and running of with their estranged boyfriends all the time. Spoots, all of them! Spoots, I say! xO
I haven't used that word to insult some one in a long time. ::nostalgia::

I feel like I've been losing more and more of my intellect as the days go on. I lost an entire day this week. I honestly thought today would be Wednesday. I have no idea what happened to the real Tuesday. Did I sleep through it? Or did I sleep through Wednesday? Or Monday? I just can't remember. I have the feeling that my mom would have gotten me up if it seemed like I was going to sleep that long...but I truly can not remember...
...okay. Mom just came in to tell me she was going to take dad to work, and I asked her. I slept through nearly TWO days, apparently, God help me. Please. o-O;;;;;;
It seems that Luna and Rob and Hchan left...and I was awake for a while, and then slept. And...slept. Then I got up and did some stuff of little consequence...and then slept some more.

Fuck.

Because swearing helps everything. Really, it does.

So, once again, but with more feeling: Fffffuck.

Tuck your lower lip behind your teeth. Expell breath. Listen to the sound it makes: Fff.
Now lower your jaw, push it forward just a bit: uuuu.
Bring your tongue up in the back of your mouth and cut the breath off short: cckkk.
This is the way we say, "Fuck!" in English.
Put your teeth together, and expell the breath again: Shhh.
Part the teeth, bring the lips back, the tongue high in the mouth but not touching the roof: iiii.
Cut it off short with your teeth by bringing them together again, and with your tongue by blocking the breath with it: ttt.
This is how we say, "Shit!" in English.
Savour them, draw them out, elongate the vowels and consonants. Taste the words. They're different in flavor. Fuck is a heavy word, pulling your mouth down. Shit is a light one, raising it. Say them, they bring some menial comfort.
There. Is it better now?
No. But it was fun, wasn't it?
Of course it was. No elefuckingmentary shit it was, Sherlock. You bet your damn pipe.
God. Fucking. Damn it.
Blasphemy. This is how we know when Kyrstan is truly upset about something. The one thing she will not let herself say is any kind of blasphemy. She is not a good Mormon, but that's something that has been drilled into her head. She sets limits and boundaries, but sometimes..sometimes she has to cross them, or she will have to scream as loud as she can, as long as she can, over and over, until her vocal cords tear from the strain and she can taste blood in the back of her throat, until she can't speak except in a hoarse whispering tone, if at all.
She is starting to feel it, stronger than ever: the need to get out; the need to accomplish something of consequence; and the beginnings of the need to accomplish anything, whether it's of consequence or not.

Go away. I'm contemplating the mechanics of the words, "recurring depression" and, "melodrama"...

I'll get back to you on them. Idiots' honor.

-Kchan ;D

sanity was maintained @ 06:25 a.m.

We'd be good together, I think. But it wouldn't work. We're both so...broken.

::shiver:: It's cold in here. I should put some socks on or something. e.e

Luna and Rob are fun when you talk to them online. They're even more fun when you talk to them in person. We should hang out again. Soon. Because...I am holding Luna's watch hostage!!! >D
...Actually....she forgot it. But..NOW IT IS MY HOSTAGE!! >8D

I feel like watching a movie. Or taking a walk. Or eating ice cream...actually...I guess you could say I'm open to any plans. Just as long as I can do it with some one else. Being alone is boring.

Ugly is such a great song. Basically, it's the Violent Femmes telling somebody that they are ugly. And it is good. The end.

I read some stuff by this girl on DA...and now I want to write her a poem. I even started it, but it quickly became crap. I've been feeling like this a lot lately. I'll start something, and really like it..but then it will lose favor in my eyes, and I want to destroy it. Or at least shove it in a drawer and forget about it for a long time.

Thanksgiving was nice. It was fun to have Hchan, Rob and Luna here, along with my family. Leslie makes yummy apple pie. Well, if you like it tart, she makes good pie (t'was sugar free for all o' der diabetic peoples in der fambly).

Fambly is fun to say. So is spoot. Angry Beavers was a great show.

I've come up with a name for the capitol city of Cabroot: Kytodge. Tell me what you think, Harrysan =D

If I do get my own computer, and don't buy this one from my parents, I will probably not have enough monies left over to go on a trip out west. But I can't go when Debbie goes anyway, because I will have started my GED classes by then and won't be able to just take off with my sister and her friend...
Damn. I was really hoping I'd be able to visit people.

It's a shame that Hchan can only listen to this Sigur Ros cd when she's going to sleep, and that it all sounds the same to her. It doesn't all sound the same to me. And it's very pretty. Personally, I think it's more calming than relaxing. I guess it's all a matter of preference.

There are so many things running around in my head. I wish I could express them properly. Seldom am I sure that I've gotten my points across clearly.

I want him to say something to me. I feel like...if he would say more, say anything at all to me, I might feel better. I'd like to say something to him as well. But I know I won't; I know I shouldn't; I know I can't.

My hands are very cold. The rest of me seems to be alright, though. Huzzah for thermal shirts.

Sometimes I wonder about it. What it would be like. Then I shake my head and try to think about something else. Curiosity can be a good thing, and it can be a bad thing. In this situation, it is not a good thing. But still, maybe things would be better...?
Ooooo! I'm so cryptic! :O

I'd really like to see Sigur Ros in concert. I hear that Jonsi, the lead singer, is blind in one eye, and that he's gay. Makes me want to design a character based on him x3 Why don't more people see how great homosexuals can be? Mayhap it's all the crappy shounen/shoujo ai out there. Or something. <((_e)>

Man. I want to work on that story. But I really should work on Batalha instead. ::eyeshift at it::
Batalha> ;.;
Monself>...I'm sorry. I have.....blockage.
Batalha> >O LIAR!!
Monself> Yeah. You're right. I just have blockage when I work on YOU. Or try to write a decent poem. Or draw something. >_<
Batalha> That covers a lot of ground. What is there that you aren't blocked on?
Monself> Pie. I can still make a damn good pie.
Batalha>...
Monself> Hey. Never underestimate the power of pie. Also, I've done a passable job in the new rp. And other stories. I'm pretty sure I could work on them.
Batalha> This is the best you could do? This isn't even funny.
Monself>..Not even the thing about the power of pie? 9.9
Batalha> e.e No.
Monself>.......I'm sorry v.v

Yep. That's what happens when I talk to myself. Nothing that is at all funny.

Water is good. I cannot stress this point too often. Actually, I can, but I don't care. Water is a really good thing, and you should all stop under-rating it, becuase that hurts its feelings. Meanies.

-Kchan <((_')>

sanity was maintained @ 09:25 a.m.

I was so full of the joys of Cabroot that I forgot until a minute after I'd shut the computer off...that I hadn't told you the news! 8DD
LUNA AND ROB ARE COMING TO MY HOUSE FOR THANKSGIVING!!! 8DDDDD ::spastic jiggle of happiness x3::

Oh. And I saw Laurence of Arabia. It was..so, so good. <((_o)>

Uhmmmm...yep. I think that's it...xD

-Kchan <((_~)>

sanity was maintained @ 10:36 p.m.

Harrison = uber cool. =D

I posed for Kim yesterday....and so did Hchan. I drew on her. GUESS WHERE, MATT!!! >8DDDDD
Yeah...my words were on my boobs and side and face...Joel's words were on my back. It was fun. Debbie had some poem on her legs...I don't remember who it was by...and I got to scribble on Hchan xD
Every one who was in the lab when Kim developed the pictures liked them a lot. I don't know that I'll pose so naked again...it's too weird to have people telling me that I have a great body, and that I'm a natural..it was just too...weird. ::shrug::

Harrison and I have come up with a new country. It has a flag, a slogan, and an anthem! The country is called Cabroot (kuh-BROOT). It is the poor man's Utopia...

Forever after, The End.

-Kchan <((_n)>

sanity was maintained @ 02:08 a.m.

I've been working on armor for my new character, Ariella (aka: Bastet) in her angelic form. I have a vague idea of what I want...but it's hard to get it down properly. But then, I haven't really liked a lot of the things I've drawn lately. Ah well.

So, I joined another rp...there's a link now. Yep. ::has nothing else to say about it xDD::

Debbie and Trea will be home tomorrow..well, today, actually ::glances at the clock:: I missed them in a detached kind of way, but I didn't worry about them much...if at all. It just doesn't feel like I need to worry, you know? So I haven't worried, and we'll be having people over for dinner tomorrow...Russ and Leslie, I think (they come for dinner on Fridays). So I really should be sleeping right now so I can get up and clean. But I just can't sleep. It's been taking me forever to fall asleep lately, and then I can't seem to drag myself out of bed. Mom's been opening my door around ten or eleven, and I can't sleep through McKinley's shrieks. He's been so fussy this week. >_< He's been...let's just say that we haven't liked him much this week. We still love him, but that doesn't mean we've enjoyed his company.. xD Little jerk. He's been sick, and even though his breath is all raspy from being congested, it doesn't stop him from screaming at the top of his lungs. No matter what part of the house you're in, you can hear him very well. For the sake of our sanity, I'm hoping he'll get better very soon. Seriously, if he weren't my nephew, and if he weren't so friggin' adorable...

I haven't listened to my live Muse cd in a long time. I forgot how much I like it, even though the applause is annoying. I need to get that other Muse cd that I can't remember the name of (the one Hchan has)...and the new one, too. xO=---

I've discovered that cats are not easy to draw. Stinky things. ::glares in the direction of Tim's litter box:: REALLY stinky things....

-Kchan <((_e)>

sanity was maintained @ 12:03 a.m.

::reads the title again and thinks of Kids in the Hall XDDD::

I talked with Jackie Chan for like....four or five hours. And no. I'm not lying and it wasn't a dream ::doesn't bother to explain:: XDDD
JC: No wonder we get a long. We are fellow cattle. XD. DAMN THOSE FARMERS >O so we RAMPAGE AGAINST THEM. No way are they milking us! COW LIBERATION!
And that's just a SAMPLE. XDDDD

I woke up around four this morning...it kinda sucked. I wasn't really looking forward to anything, and didn't expect anyone to be online, but I logged on anyway, and it's a good thing I did, because I got to talk to Jackie Chan XD

Debbie and Trea are in Haiti...and I miss them. It's weird. I haven't been getting along too well with Debbie lately, but I miss her.
I'm supposed to drive to Utah with her and Kim..I'm thinking I'll go further west before giong home. I'll need to fly home, because..Debbie is going to stay in Utah. So I think I should go to Washington and Oregon, and maybe California ::glance at Diana..who...doesn't read her blog xD:: But yeah. Also, I think I should go to Colorado again and visit with Aunt Sue, because she rocks.

I was reading some stuff in my archives and realized that I'm just a big whiner XDD I'm going to try and tone it down. It's annoying. >_o

Ian is coming today, so we have both of the boys...man. It's going to be a long day XD

Weeelllll....I'm hungry. ::runs off to eat::

-Kchan <((_~)>

sanity was maintained @ 08:57 a.m.

I went with Hchan to see The Starlight Mints at the Beta Bar. I had a good time over-all.
The first band would have been better with a different singer. The second band was fun. The third would have been better if...they'd been better. e-e The only parts I liked of their stuff were the parts that sounded a lot like Radiohead. I would have left while they were playing, but we had a really good spot, and Hchan had gone out..so...I stayed. Ah well.
Hchan and I got cd's, and there were free sstickers involved, so it's all good. We raided the bathroom for flyers, and took three of the four...because we're evil. Actually, I wanted one for Joel =3 So there.
The Starlight Mints rocked out, of course. But for once I wish we hadn't been so close to the front, or I wouldn't have been so sad. We were close enough to see the list of songs they were going to play, and Blinded by You was one of them. Blinded by You is my favorite Starlight Mints song. I was so ecstatically happy when I read it on the list, and then they found out they didn't have enough time, because the third band (Laguardia) had taken so long setting up, playing, and dismantling their stuff. Also, the show started late in the first place..so yeah. They played some other stuff that was completely awesome, but I was so crushed by the fact that they didn't play Blinded by You that I couldn't enjoy it as much.
I didn't know just how much I love that song until I realized I was on the verge of tears because they didn't have time to play it. Kristen (who looked super cute) was disappointed that they didn't play Popsicle. They played a video for it, and that was really fun, but it isn't the same. When the band is playing it right there in front of you, and you're there singing it as loud as you can right along with them...it's such an awesome feeling. There isn't anything I can compare it to, because it's so unique. I mean, you can really love the work an artist does, but you can't paint something with them, even if they draw something right in front of you. You're on the sidelines, watching. When a band plays a song you love and you're singing it with them...you're a part of it, even if it's just for a little while. And you have the pleasure of knowing that other people are loving it as much as you are, and that they're with the band like you are. For a little while, you're part of something special. Maybe that's why some people are roadies. They get to keep feeling like that. It's such a rush.

So. There's to be a new group of people. It's called the Anti-Scene. The only rules are that anyone can join, and that you have to tell other people about it. It goes where you go, so you always belong. You're always a part of something, the scene is where you are, and since everyone can be in it, the scene is everywhere. At least, that's how I understood it to be. So, if you want in, you're in. That's all it takes. ::nod:: Kristen can probably explain it better than I can,though.

I'm tired of boundaries. I think we should stop defining places with lines and graphs, longitude and latitude. It's all one planet, so why does it have to be hundreds of countries? It doesn't make any sense.

On a somewhat related note, my sisters Petrea and Debbie left for Haiti yesterday. They had to take these pills that would prevent them from getting malaria while they're there. Malaria. Hm.
There was a problem with the tickets (the Miami airport only has one flight a day or..a month..or something stupid like that), so they aren't leaving the country until today, and they might miss their flight to Porta Prince (if that's how you spell it).
Kimmy is supposed to take those pictures of me today, but I don't know if it's a sure thing because Kim is forgetful. The only thing I know for certain today, is that life is no fun when you're bleeding.

-Kchan <((_.)>

sanity was maintained @ 07:46 a.m.

Mmmm...Rocket Man = damn good song

I'm almost done reading Watership Down. Kristen should come over and watch the movie with me sometime soon =DD

And then..........SATURDAY.

THE. STARLIGHT. MINTS. ARE. PLAYING. HERE.

::exlodes in slow motion:: 8DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

All that aside, I've got a lot of things going round in my head. I've got several ideas for comics, stories, pictures, photos...movies and cartoons, even.

I talked with Anthony and Harrison...while listening to Elton John XD

KchanZombie (11:39:05 PM): Don't let the sun go down on him, Harrison.
Haralebak (11:39:21 PM): I won't. Ever.
KchanZombie (11:39:23 PM): xDD
KchanZombie (11:39:27 PM): Okay. Good.
KchanZombie (11:39:57 PM): ::somewhere in England....Elton John has sighed with relief for reasons he cannot explain::

And then, The Bitch is Back!! =O

KchanZombie (11:41:23 PM): Run, Anthony!! The bitch is back!!
KchanZombie (11:41:28 PM): Ruunnnnnnnnnn!!!!!
splobo785 (11:41:29 PM): ???
KchanZombie (11:41:31 PM): xDDD
KchanZombie (11:41:34 PM): The song.
splobo785 (11:41:37 PM): ah
KchanZombie (11:41:39 PM): By Elton John.
KchanZombie (11:41:41 PM): XDDD
splobo785 (11:42:18 PM): yeah
KchanZombie (11:42:43 PM): ::does a dance that looks suspiciously like a boogie::
KchanZombie (11:42:45 PM): xDDDD
splobo785 (11:43:14 PM): haha

Then Harrison found out how to order BigElf albums online!

Haralebak (11:41:43 PM): Oh my God! All their albums!
KchanZombie (11:41:47 PM): !!!
KchanZombie (11:41:50 PM): =DD
KchanZombie (11:42:00 PM): ::does a dance::
Haralebak (11:42:08 PM): I've not been this happy in a long time.
KchanZombie (11:42:13 PM): 8D
Haralebak (11:43:08 PM): Gotta calm down... gotta calm down... hooooooo...
KchanZombie (11:43:31 PM): BREATHE!!
KchanZombie (11:43:39 PM): Remember to breathe!!!
KchanZombie (11:43:41 PM): =O
KchanZombie (11:44:10 PM): ::demonstrates too enthusiatically and passes out from hyperventilating::

Yep. ::slow bounce to Someone Saved My Live Tonight:: XDD

I'd like to thank Hchan and her mum for all the pleasure this cd has already brought me...because she's a big girl. She's standing six-foot-three. Turning tricks for the dudes in the big city. Island Girl. What you wanting with the white man's world? ::gets killed by a passing Doom Ardvark xD:: <((_X)>

Hoooo....I think I need to go lie down and stay quiet for a bit.....because....Sorry seems to be the hardest word...
DA> xO ::STOMP::
Monself> Please, Doom Ardvark...don't go breakin' my heart.
DA> Well.....::sigh:: Alright. Just don't make a habit of it or anything, okay? x/
Monself> ....sure thing. ::shifty eyes::
DA> I saw that! ::Uber Stomp::
Monself> ::dead...again xD::

Wow. That went on for way too long >_>;;;

Okay guys. Don't let me have bronies on an empty stomach anymore. Yes. BRONIES. ::eyeshift to Kristen xDD::

-Kchan <((_+)>

sanity was maintained @ 12:15 p.m.

Uhhmm....blah.
Yes. Blah. That's it exactly.

I feel.........odd. I dunno what it is, exactly--oh wait. Yes I do. I feel stagnant. Because I feel as though I've not made any progress with anything important, and even when I try to, it doesn't work out.

I wish I could open my mouth to talk and not have complaints spill out in place the point I was going to make. I wish I had something of importance to put here.

My mind keeps returning to all of the things I wish I hadn't said. It replays the situation, only it happens differently; it happens in such a way that doesn't make me feel like an idiot. But I guess everyone has at least one experience like that. It's just that I seem to have a lot of them...
I think I should just not talk to anyone ever again. It would drive me insane, but right now I don't really care to talk to anyone. I don't like people right now. They annoy and/or disgust me.

I've decided that DA will stand for Doom Ardvark from now on. I reached this conclusion while talking with Kent. Yep.

I think I'm going to stop now. I'm just......blah. Which brings us back to the beginning, which is always a good place to end it.

-Kchan the Abstract Idiot <((_C)>

sanity was maintained @ 05:52 p.m.