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Hchan

Quote of the day:
"I love you more than I have // Ever found a way // To say to you..." Ben Folds, The Luckiest

I had something interesting to say, but I forgot what it was.

-Kchano <((_x)>

sanity was maintained @ 08:04 p.m.

What am I up to? Learning stuff about constellations; contemplating Cassie and Ory and wanting to make their story good; coming up with more stories than I can handle; getting all these ideas and not knowing where to begin; rocking out; feeling down; needing to be touched; getting spiritual; feeling sick of it all; having more day-dreams than is probably good for me; trying to be confident without being cocky; reminding myself that it's okay to be imperfect; loving people in secret; contradicting myself; being dyslexic; trying to measure the feelings...

I am reading far higher on the mellow scale than I was before. I'm almost happy, but still too close to melancholy for thatdkfhOMFG. Tim just APPEARED in my room and...then left x-x;; He and Anastasia have been in constant Ninja-Mode (like Allen's house e-e) lately, and it's really freaking me out, how they keep just...popping up where they weren't just a moment before.

Kim and Hchano and I all went to Kim's studio and painted, and listened to loud music. It was hot, and had more bugs in it than I would have liked, but it was still...man, I just felt so much better after having painted/sung/talked for a while, you know?

Hchano got me a Franz Ferdinand cd, and it is teh sex. ::turns the volume up and cuddles her Hchano:: I really need to be in a band.

Matt, we really do love you.

Liam and Selma make me wibble with happiness. I'm so happy that The Rob prompted me to come up with them.

Mom and I had a talk about some family stuff that no one else will care to hear, and I feel better about them now. Debbie is feeling depressed because Thomas' grandma died, and I feel bad for her. She was feeling like she wanted to come home, but as much as I miss her, I'm glad she's not going to. She's so much happier out there, you know? It's too much for her, living with J-D. There are things that can't be talked about without dragging people through the mud, and it wouldn't be right and it's not my place to do it, so I won't. Let's just leave it at the fact that she can't stand to be with him so much, and I don't blame her. I'm getting pretty sick of him myself. He's my brother; I love him. But I wish he'd just friggin' grow up and leave. He isn't making enough money to move out, but he isn't doing anything much about that, and that upsets me. He should be willing to make the effort to get out on his own. Yeah, it's hard to do that, and I have no experience living on my own, but I'd hate myself if I had to come home and then...just stayed. But then, I'm not J-D.

I think I'm gonna play with my Sims for a while. I've been ignoring them lately.

Art snobs piss me off.

-Kchano <((_o)>

sanity was maintained @ 06:20 p.m.

New poem/image up on my GJ. Robert supposedly installed a bunch of pop-up blockers, and they're all there. So are the pop-ups, though. What should I be doing right now? Oh yeah, feeling like I'm about to cry.

I remember now. You're the one who made me laugh when I needed it.

This all feels pointless. The foundation is shaking, and I'm about to fall off. There are tears that want desperately to be shed, but I can't seem to oblige them, except to let them well up for a while and then sink back into the depths. I want to weep with every part of myself, body and soul...and I am unable. I can get as poetic about it as I want, and it won't help me at all.

I have obligations, and I am suffering from the sensation of falling apart.

I remember now. You're the one I couldn't talk to because I was too shy and I probably missed a chance at something good.

My mouse isn't working. It worked fine for Robert, but it's one of those things that never happens when it's being examined by some one who actually knows what they're doing.

I remember now. It was you that I thought I hated, but it was all a stupid mistake. I'd forgotten what really happened, and I'm still not entirely sure, but somehow I spent so long thinking you were scum, and now I remember that it doesn't matter after all.

All I want to do is sleep forever. I could die, and I wouldn't care, so long as I did it while sleeping. I only hope that the dream I'd be having prior to dying would be a good one. Maybe dying is like waking up from a really long dream.

I remember now.

-Kchano <((_-)>

sanity was maintained @ 03:12 p.m.

::shrug::

I had a better title, but I don't feel like remembering it right now. =F

So yeah, I have an easier time with math when I have some one looking over my shoulder to make sure I'm not screwing it all up. Luckily, I can add and subtract without that kind of help, so I'll be able to balance any checking account(s) I may have in the future.
El Hchano and I got to spend some time with Roonah, so that's all good. We saw the third Harry Potter movie, and it was better than I expected. I didn't really want to see it, but I think it was pretty good. Better than the first two, anyhow...::stomps on Doby..or..Dobby..or whatever the fuck that stupid thing was called:: e-e

I want your extra love and your ::guitar jumble:: kisssss...I mean. Food. I hunger. For the food-stuffs. Yes.

-Kchano <((_@)>

sanity was maintained @ 08:13 a.m.

--edit--

OWE EMM EFF JEE.

Yeah. You heard me. YOU HEARD ME. Woo! Wolfwood Confessional! ::does a dance with a tiny church on her head xDD:: I need to watch less Trigun.

Thought my cd was gone...but it was just in the player...I guess Hchano listened to it, and didn't put it back...and now I feel stupid for not looking there before I went and freaked out about it being gone @___@
My Lamb cd, What Sound (which is better than the self-titled one, I think) is still vanish'd. But what can you do? It was a burned copy anyhow. Probably a sign that I should buy it for myself. I'd like to do that...buy all the ones I have burned copies of. It really does make me feel bad, kind of like cheating the artists. Especially since music is so important to me, you know?

Anyhow...I got your email address, and that makes me happy. You just got transferred, and that makes me sad...not that I see you very often anyway. I will email you in five weeks. I'm already trying to decide on what to say.

Luna's going to come today, and that makes me happy.

My hair hasn't been this short in fifteen years (according to my mom), and that makes me feel weird. And makes my neck feel...nekkid ::southern inflected eyeshift::

I'd like Debbie to be here, even though I'd just end up getting pissed at her, because she'd want me to lie for her about something.

I wish I'd gotten to see Kristen again before she left, but I didn't and that makes me sad. I had a lot of fun at the beach.

Hchano's (f)arts are getting better and better, and that makes me a little jealous because mine always seem the same. Does it make me a bad friend, even though I can admit it openly? See, I don't hate her for it. I'm proud of her, and it makes me so happy that she's gotten to be so talented in the last few years...really, if you look at things she was drawing in highschool and the things she does now, she's so much better, and I'm really happy that she's so good. But all the same, I wish I had the will to keep working at my own art until it got better. Thing is, I look at something I've done, and feel pretty good about it, and then I see something some one else did, and I feel...you know...not so good. :/

Kim thinks Joel is hot. But Joel doesn't agree with her. Which is really too bad, 'cause she's right x3 ::cuddle of Joel::

I have forgotten what the point was...and now that I think about it, I don't think I had one to begin with.

-Kchano <((_x)>;;

sanity was maintained @ 07:51 a.m.

Kristen is in town, and hopefully I'll see her on Saturday. I'll have to talk the details over with Hchano tomorrow.

Math isn't as hard as I thought it was, but I still have a hard time remembering what I'm supposed to do. Ms. Nordmeyer is probably one of the best math teachers I've had, and that always helps.

So, I'm really glad that I talked with you, even though I cried (but I don't think you knew that). I felt a lot better afterwards, and I'm pretty sure I'll take your advice and let it go. Really, it happened so long ago that it doesn't matter much anymore. I'm still not sure why I couldn't confide in her, but I guess that's just the way it is with some things. I almost didn't say anything to you, but I knew that I'd explode if I didn't talk to some one about it in plain terms.

You know, I get depressed every few months, just about when my hair gets long enough to be below my collar bone, and then I have mom cut it, and eventually I feel better. I wonder if those things are connected, but somehow I doubt it. I think I'm probably just stuck in a cycle that takes a few months to come around all the way, and my hair just happens to grow out in that time. It's supposed to be a sign of unhappiness/depression/unrest when you get your hair cut when you don't really need to. Either that or Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. I'm not sure what any of this has to do with anything, but I'm sure it's all relatively connected in my subconscious.

I had the beginnings of a song in my head this morning, but I went to sleep and forgot. I knew at the time that I should have been writing it down, but I'd been awake all night and was pretty tired.

I need to paint those pictures for Laurel.

Luna is going to stay with us next week, and I'm really glad that she's coming. It'll be nice to have some one to talk to. However, it's very likely that my savings account will take a nice little draining, so I'll have money to do stuff while she's here, but that's okay.

I've started playing The Sims...it's way too addictive, and I'll have to control myself better. I wish they didn't take so long to do stuff. It's kind of annoying, trying to coordinate all of them so they're not burning the house down or anything. I did get some pictures of Voumette (who looks like Kou xDD) dancing to Latin music on the radio while El Muerto put the fire out on the stove and 'Kia panicked in the BG. I also got some of Voumette and El Muerto dancing XDD ::such a dork:: It mostly amused me because they had such a great time, and they're both guys...and Voumette's skin was originally designed to be Kou...and with all the flak he gets for being gay...yeah. XDDD

Braces suck a lot more than I thought they would. I mean, I knew they'd suck...but man, is it crappy sometimes.

Actually, I'm kind of tired, but I didn't get to sleep until past ten this morning, and slept until six, so I really don't know if I'll be able to do anything but lie there doing nothing. Of course, I'm not really doing much here, but I'm going to pretend that that's beside the point and probably do something more with my Sims.

-Kchano <((_@)>

sanity was maintained @ 01:48 a.m.

There's a feeling that strangles everything else like poisonous weeds choking harmless vines and flowers. The only thing it leaves alone is the sense of confused impotency.

I really am sick of it, you know? I don't want to put up with it anymore, but at the same time there's nothing I can do or say, at least not openly, because I'd come off as selfish and pigheaded. It would make me seem like a much worse person than I am. I'd only hurt people by saying how I feel about it, and that isn't something I want to do.

I found some things out then, and they really hurt me. I wasn't expecting it, and it seemed like such an impossibility that the full force of it didn't hit me until much later. Actually, I'm still not sure I completely comprehend the full implications of it, because this shatters something I've believed my entire life, and that takes a lot of effort. It makes the world very hard to live in. It almost makes me think about looking into anti-depressants again.

Minor keys, heavy bass, and strong drum lines are a big help, I've noticed. But how long can I stand it before I need a gentler melody, and I can't find anything that will suffice?

I realize that you are only human. I realize that the temptation was there and you decided it would be okay, but decided to stick around after all. I realize that I might have to confront you, and that frightens me. For the most part, I've come to loathe our conversations, and that makes me feel like a terrible person because I love you.
Was she pretty? Was she smart? Have you kept in touch over the years? It was a long time ago, but do you still think about her? And does it even matter anymore? I don't think it does. I'm sure they both forgave you. Now it's my turn.
Take a deep breath. That's all I can do, really. Take a deep breath and wait for it to be over. I have to remind myself to let that breath out and then take another. It's like washing your hair...how'd it go? Lather, rinse, repeat.
Breath in,
[don't think about it]
and out,
[let it go it's over]
repeat.
I think that's about how it goes.

For some reason, the words, "slow morphine drip" keep running through my head at random intervals.

Maybe I'll let myself atrophy for a while.

sanity was maintained @ 07:31 p.m.

...giggidy giggidy giggidy.

I'm really pissy right now, and have a lot of things to complain about. Things that aren't important to anyone else. Still, I feel the need to rant. I don't want any sympathy, I just want to scream about it while some one sits and listens, and then when I'm done with all of that, maybe they wouldn't hold it against me if I cried on their shoulder for a while. Very dramatic, you know. Good stuff.

I read the new John Grisham book. At some points I wasn't sure where he was going with it, but it eventually came together. I'd like to read Jane Eyre in the near future...I'm desperate for a new batch of books. I'm just much happier if I'm reading something. Maybe it's a form of escape, and that's why I enjoy it so much. Something to think about, anyway.

I got myself three new bras, a ring, and two new cd's for my birthday. It was a good day. Except, I'd somehow gained two days earlier in the week, so I thought that the 12th was the 14th, and that it was my birthday...and no one said anything. But here's the thing: I didn't care when no one mentioned it. I'd been thinking for the whole month that 20 really doesn't matter. Nothing big happens on that birthday. You aren't a teenager anymore, but that's not much, because being a teenager is pretty crappy a lot of the time. All that useless angst XDD

I missed Timmy a lot, but Anastasia was the one to pop up in the dream I had a couple nights ago. Weird.

Leslie lost the baby, and it...it really sucks.

You know, when you're away for a while, and you're on the way home, you feel kind of happy/relieved/excited. When you walk through your front door, you should not be greeted by the stench of cat piss. Is it really that hard to empty the litter box while mom and I aren't home? I mean, you get a bag, scoop the shit, close the bag, take it to the garbage, and wash your hands. It's a very simple procedure. Just because I'm not there, doesn't mean this job must be left for me. For a week. Fucking...jvflkdg;lbdrkj. And then, as I'm taking the bag of shit to the garbage, dad says, "Thank you." like I'd just done some noble thing. What the fuck? Like it was so hard to empty the litter box, and I should get a medal. Does it make me a horrible person when I wish he wasn't around any more because he keeps getting worse and worse?
Probably, yeah.

Fiver is getting raped by pop-ups. I need to get a blocker, and update my virus stuff. Too bad I have no idea how the fuck to do it. I just know enough to use this thing, and that's about it. Maybe I've learn a few other things, but not any that most people don't already know.

Mike (my cousin) was driving Trea's car, and mom was in her car...and they were in a caravan sort of situation, and mom had to stop suddenly (or something like that) and Mike rammed Trea's car into mom's. The only damage to Trea's car was a crack in the plastic cover of her Pooh vanity plate. Mom's car, however, has a crumpled rear bumber, and the trunk is fucked. Fabulous.

Some one rent movies with me. Some one give me a hug and tell me it will be okay. And be sincere about it, for fuck's sake. I'm tired of kidding around and not being taken seriously because I'm an idiot most of the time. I'm tired of everything.
I'm pretty sure that no one would think anything of it if they asked me how I was, and my response was, "I'm tired." It's how I usually answer it, so everyone should be used to it by now. Do any of you know what it's like, to always feel that way? To lose track of what you're thinking, and get confused about it and then angry with yourself?

Very weird that when I make a certain face, I can see exactly where most of my deepest wrinkles will be when I get old. Very weird and very frightening. People aren't supposed to think about their own mortality until they're thirty or fourty, right? Why is it bothering me when I'm only twenty? Probably, it's that almost everything bothers me.

I just know I've got a bazillion things to look at on DA, and Fiver is slow today for some reason...

-Kchan <((_x)>

sanity was maintained @ 12:40 p.m.

I POSTED. IN BATALHA. GET OFF MAH CASE. OMFG.

sanity was maintained @ 06:13 a.m.

::on Debbie's account:: I typed up the inventory of stuff for our trip...even though we bought more stuff last night e_x;; We're leaving on Monday, and we're...actually, I have no idea when we're coming back @_@
I can't remember ever going to St. Augustine...so I don't think I've ever been there. But I'm planning on spending a lot of time doing very little. I've got some math homework, compliments of Ms. Nordmeyer, and I think that's about as much as I want to do. I wanted Hchan to come by on my birthday, and there was talk of Luna and The Rob coming, and then all of us going to Jacksonville to harass Lina, but we never actually got past talking about how fun it would be, and I don't think we mentioned it to Lina...which I'm sure she would have appreciated, since we were planning on going to see her. So, that's probably not going to happen :/ I doubt that Hchan's mum would let her go anyway, at least not by herself.

I got all those pictures scanned, and dad's putting them all onto disks. He's also made a cover for them, which mom has implied is far too fancy, so I'd like to take a look at it and mayhap tone it down some. I'll talk to dad about it...perhaps. I'll consider talking to him about it, anyway. >_>;;

Ian is playing with various items that he finds in here. It's really cute. He has a pencil right now...he's not really doing anything with it, though, just sort of standing next to me and saying things about the pencil, the way he did with the rubber band. I smell brownies...:O=--
Helena is sleeping on Debbie's bed. She's so pretty, like her mom. Her ears are starting to stick out like Ian's though XDDD At least she's a girl, and can wear her hair down or something to hide it...Ian will have to make due with hats.
Ian is singing the Alphabet song now....::gets a ridiculously auntish surge of pride::

Leslie and Russ are expecting again. She was on the pill, because they were planning on waiting a few more years, but we're all really happy about it. x3 To be honest, we all thought they were waiting too long, like, five more years, which would mean McKinley would be seven or eight when they had the next one. The rest of us all think that that's too big of a gap between the kids, but...I guess it doesn't matter now. XDD

I think Hchan blogged about not being able to find Allen's house...but he wasn't there anyway. His flight was late. So we went shopping instead, and some weird guy in the Texaco parking lot kept talking to us about voting...and that we should "Burn Bush" and that we should get gas now because the price is about to go up again. I'm thinking he was drunk. He was certainly kind of creepy.

People are here...::runoff::

-Kchan <((_e)>

sanity was maintained @ 06:07 p.m.

J-D is sick, mom and I are all getting there, and Debbie has come for the family reunion, all the way back from Yootard. Or Utah. Whatever. She brought me stuff, which was very kind of her. I missed her a lot, and I'm glad she's here. Except for the fact that she showed me what looks like the most painful hickey EVER. So, surprisingly, if you want a doom hickey, Utah is the place to go. Who knew?

Well. I've tried twice to figure out how to explain about my birthday coinciding with the family reunion in St. Augustine and my feelings and thoughts on the subject, but it isn't working. There isn't enough energy in me to bother right now so I won't.

I have ideas that I can't do anything about because when I picture it, it's not in my style that I see the picture, it's not my rhythm I see the poem in, it's not my syntax I see the story in. But I don't want influence, I want to do it myself.

None of this is important. Nothing is important anymore. I'm tired of bothering with it.

sanity was maintained @ 11:44 p.m.

The short story I've been posting on my GJ is finally done. I've considered doing more with it, because I really enjoyed it, but there's nothing more that it needs, from my point of view.

I had a fun time at the party for Luke and Julie x3
With Hchan's help, I made a bunch of gyoza, and I think it came out pretty well. Hchan and I talked with Allen for a long time, and he was really fun to talk to...so much so in fact, that we lost track of time completely, and Hchan's mum called to see if we were still there...and we had to go. When we got back to Hchan's (I think at around 1:30 AM) her mom was watching a movie, and she was okay at first, but upset. Then she said, "I was so worried," sounding choked up (she started to cry) and put her hands over her face...and I felt really horrible. We hugged her and she didn't cry more than a minute or so, but still. We made her cry, and it makes me feel like a terrible person. We thought once about how late it was, but didn't want to go, so we stayed to keep talking to people, and we had a really good time. But it still made me feel bad.
Well, her mum went to bed, and we had something to eat and watched Waterworld, which should not have been a movie. It should have been a videogame. It's just too much like a game, concept and all xDD

I've been trying to force myself out of bed lately, even when I'm really tired, but I just couldn't do it today. I was up until almost seven on Saturday night; I just couldn't sleep for a long time, and it was the same last night, too. I don't know what it is, but...I just couldn't sleep.

My dreams have been really crazy and vivid lately, but I can't always remember them. It sort of bugs me, that I should have such insane dreams and be disturbed by some of them, and know later that they really bothered me, and not be able to remember them later. Now, usually you'd think I'd be glad not to remember something that upset me, but some of the time they upset me because there have been points raised in them that can explain how I've been feeling about some things that have been bothering me while I'm awake, and not being able to remember them is very frustrating. Of course, if the things revealed upset me, maybe it's for the best. Just because things got explained to some extent doesn't mean the points were valid or even realistic. I have no way of knowing if they were or not, since I can't think about them while I'm awake.

I did some watercolor stuffs last night, and it felt good. I liked how it felt to know that the paint stained my hands (it washed off today, but whatever), showing that I'd actually done something lately.

This song, whatever it is, makes me bounce. xD "When I was just a boy // The devil called my name // Sayin', 'Who do // Who do you think you're foolin'?'..." It sounds rather like a Simon and Garfunkle-type song, melody wise, but I really don't think it's them.

Harrison needs to send me a samplin' of his album. ::firm nod:: Yarr.

I'd forgotten that I actually like the radio. I'm listening to Eagle 99.9 xDD It's all sixties and seventies music, and so far it has all been good x3 ::rocks out:: WHY DON'T YOU TELL YO' DREAMS TO MEE // FANTASYYY WILL SETCHA FREEE 8DDD

Man, why can't they make music like that anymore?

-Kchan <((_~)>

sanity was maintained @ 05:29 p.m.

I had a dream about you. It took a long time to get to the part about you, but I got the feeling that it was the climax of the story.

I was at school, not SAIL, but a big school, a huge one. It was the kind of school where everyone wears a uniform, and that always has at least one teacher who is gunning for the main character, and since everyone is the main character of their own story, that woman was out to get us all.

But that's just static, background noise that gets under your skin and festers there for a while until it can work its way out like a splinter.

My friend and I are standing across the road from you. Did you know there's a road between us; busy with traffic only when we aren't loloking both ways? It's true. I was hit by a car on that road, so I know what I'm talking about. But that's the future.

My friend is young, but so am I in this dream. I'm always younger in my dreams because I keep forgetting how old I am on the outside. His skin is that beautiful, mocha latte color that you get when one of your parents is straight cream and the other is straight coffee. His hair is tightly curled, dark with lighter streaks that are almost blonde, and fly-away when he isn't paying attention. He hides his scarcity in baggy clothes and blunt shoes that make his feet look clumpier than they really are.

He is standing close behind me as you and I shout to each other across the road, trying to hear what we're saying over the din of the school behind us. The little students in big schools make big sounds when they've been set free for the rest of the day. It's because they all know the hero has escaped once more, and it makes them excited and loud, boasting to each other about the outrageous things they did to spite The Teacher.

I can almost hear what you're telling me, and you can almost hear what I'm telling you. You're standing on a staircase, on the way up to your apartment. I inch further into the crosswalk, my good friend staying close behind me, but I don't consciously know that we're best friends yet. That will happen when we're bleeding.

I can see the frustrated but still cheerful look on your face as we scream to each other where to meet for lunch and what time. But then you're gone, you're going to come down to me and we'll talk face to face. My friend and I are crossing the street to get to you, and then the car comes crashing into us, and everything is suddenly sideways and tangled. I think I see you looking on in horror from your side of the street, but I'm not sure because my friend and I are too terrified by all the blood and bone around us, and we cling to each other.

We are still holding on when they load us into an ambulance in an oversized gurney. Or maybe we've shrunk. We're very young and small. They trundle us through corridors with white walls and creamy-gray speckled floors; flashes of hospital green and flickering florescent lights. When my Sister the Nurse finally gets there to Save the Day and finds us stashed in with another patient in a room with a glass door in a black metal frame letting the rainy-day light through, she is furious. We're still bleeding to death, and everyone is so busy, too busy, maybe, to stop the bleeding.

Luckily for me, this is all a dream, and instead of dying as things start to fade around the edges, I wake up. I'm hoping my friend didn't die, or that we died together.

I guess what I'm trying to say is: I'm sorry I missed our lunch date, but I was unavoidably detained. I hope you can forgive me.

-Kchan <((_z)>

sanity was maintained @ 03:23 a.m.

some one communicate with me. i want some kind of intelligent conversation to fill the emptiness up. i need to walk away from something with the feeling that maybe i'm not a total idiot or a waste of your time. tell me something you remember from your childhood. tell me something that pisses you off. tell me something that makes you uncontrollably giddy. it doesn't even need to be entirely coherent, just tell me anything, as long as i can respond, and i will love you forever. i need so much to have a reason to smile right now.

sanity was maintained @ 03:40 a.m.

Kchan> ::standing around, minding her own business::

[ENTER: Girl with a "U" on her shirt]

U> Hey. Kchan. ::stares at Kchan militantly::
Kchan> Uhh...yeah?
U> ::punches Kchan in the stomach::
Kchan> HHHOIT! ::tumps over::

[ENTER: Two girls holding hands, one with "LO" and one with "RO" on their shirts]

LO> Are we late?
RO> Well yeah, a coupla months, stupid.
LO> ::wibbles and tears up::
U> Both of you, cut that out and help me, okay?
Kchan [from the floor]> Who are you people??
U> Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm the physical personification of your uterus, and those two are your ovaries.
LO, RO> ::wave::
Kchan> Oh...kay...

[ENTER: RFT, LFT, also holding hands]

Kchan> Who are they? No wait. Fallopian tubes, am I right?
RFT, LFT> ::nod cheerfully::
Kchan> And those people back there, they're the rest of my internal organs?
U> Yes, and your others will be here soon, too. You know, muscles and all that. But they're just gonna watch. For now. ::ominous look::

[ENTER: HCHAN LOOK-ALIKE with a "P" on her shirt]

Kchan> P?
P> P is for...well, come on, Kchan, do I really need to say it?
Kchan> ::blink:: No, I guess not. But why are you here?
P> ::shrug:: I figured Kristen'd want me to clean you up a little when they're done, I guess. ::looks to U:: That's okay, right?
U> ::considers briefly:: I don't see why not.
All physical personifications> ::gather around Kchan doomfully::
LO> ::kicks Kchan in her lower back, grinning a little::
Kchan> OMFGWHY.

[LATER]

Kchan [staggering a little, rubbing her gut gingerly]> Mom?
Mom [from the Cave]: Yeah?
Kchan> ::stands in the doorway:: Tell me kids are worth it.

[END]

sanity was maintained @ 01:24 p.m.

Hchan and I saw Kill Bill Vol. 2, and on the way out we ran into Tyler. He has a girlfriend now. Weird.
The second KB wasn't as good as the first, but it wasn't bad, either. It gives you closure, anyway, and has the best old man ever.
While wandering around in the mall, we saw Heather, and she apparently saw Zach recently...I would have liked to talk to her longer, but she was with a group of people that we didn't know, and they were on their way to see a movie, so...yeah. I need to take my contacts out :f

I've just posted the first picture in a series of seven, done in MS Paint in a very scribbly style, that will tell a short story. I like how it came out, and it took me relatively little time to do.

If Julie, Renee, or Lisa read this...which I kind of doubt...please call/send messenger pigeons to/email me or something so we can set something up to hang out soon. I miss you.

I miss a lot of people right now.

-Kchan <((_))>

sanity was maintained @ 08:10 p.m.

::explodes in slow motion::
The Sims Creator needs to stop suddenly turning off when I'm in the middle of working on a skin. I put a lot of work into the one I was doing, and had been playing around with it for more than two hours (because I really have nothing better to do on a Friday night than make a skin wich no one will ever use for The Sims), and I left to do something with my parents for a bit, and then when I came back and was literally about to start working on it again, it suddenly shut off.

I bet that Tim keeps coming in here and rubbing on my leg so I'll get the hint and let him outside, but I just don't like the idea of him wandering around outside at night. I've lost so many cats in horrible ways, I just don't think I could take it if anything happened to him.

My back hurts.

Finally getting around to listening to Amnesiac (Radiohead) and for the most part it's on the sadder side of mellow, but not really melancholy...it's perfect for my mood, though. Of course, I haven't heard the whole album. Megan doesn't like their more electronic stuff, so she might not like this album, but I do so far. She doesn't read my blog anyway...>_>;

The Elders were over for dinner ::eyeshift at Matt xD:: tonight. So were Megan, Russ, Leslie, and McKinley. It was loud. After dinner I made a really weird cd cover with some kind of...lizardy bird...thing...or something. There are parts of it I like, and parts I wish I could erase, but I did it with colored pencil, and there's not much I can do about it. I may scan it and play around with the basic design in Photoshop. If I can figure the program out, that is. I can't get it to do what I want it to do, even though Hchan showed me how. Also, she knows all these little tricks and things with it, and I have no idea of where to begin with asking about them. It's not like I have the actual names of the functions she's using, so I'd only be able to describe it to her, and I haven't been as good at articulating myself lately unless I'm writing. It sucks really badly, too, because I don't feel like writing much. I really dislike the Word program I have, and I hate the Cave (my dad's computer room/my old bedroom). I hate the chair in the Cave even more than this one.

Seriously, my back really hurts.

Trish stopped by Hchan's yesterday while I was there. We didn't go anywhere or do a whole lot, but it was fun because I miss hanging out with Trish. I have a present for her, and one for Kristen...I need to mail that, and Luna's watch, too. I have it all boxed up and ready. My mom just hasn't been to the post office lately.

Speaking of Kristen, she is awesome, as is Trish.

Let's see...what else can I complain about? Aha ha. Ha. Haarrgggg...

Well, Ms. Nordmeyer (sp? >_>;) is really nice. She's doing a much better job at teaching math to Hchan and I than the guy at the library was e-e;
My mom came to pick me up at PACE today, and she went to the wrong one. I had no idea there was more than one. But there is. One just for girls, which is the one Hchan and I are going to, and...the other one. I don't know that it's all guys or not. In any case, mom finally got to the right place at about twenty-five minutes or so after four, and was rather upset because she got lost trying to find the right PACE, and it sucked. I felt really bad about it.

I'm not so sure that you're interested. I'm not so sure that I should say anything. I've been so tired lately that I may not bother. I may just let it go, because I'm starting to wonder if it really matters in the end or not.

-Kchan <((_-)>

sanity was maintained @ 11:51 p.m.

I have no reason not to be sleeping right now, but I did write some fairly good poems and put them in my GJ. Perhaps DA has some uses after all...

Math is going to suck as much as I thought it would; I can just tell. Timmy is lying in the hallway in front of my door, cleaning himself, rather noisily at times. It's gross. And this chair is falling apart. But then, it's older than my dad, so it has the right to come to pieces if it wants to.

The puppy did not get stolen, he just went againts his previously known nature and dug a hole. I still don't have nearly as much faith in humanity, though.

I should try and get some sleep or something. I was sick on Friday, I really was, and I still feel sick, but I can't miss too many classes. I want to finish this as soon as I can.

I really miss that poem. It was one of my best. I am an idiot.

I don't like this version of Word that Hchan installed for me, but it's probably just because I'm not used to it. Still, there are several hundred fonts on my computer, but I can only use one in this program. Wtf. At least I can use three or four in Notepad, or whatever it's called.

I read The Hobbit, and it still makes me happy when the fictional characters have a fictional happy ending. Go figure.

The copy of The Stand that I'm reading is COMPLETE and UNCUT. Oh MY. FOUR HUNDRED extra PAGES.

J-D's girlfriend is closer to my age than his. Creepy. She's also diabetic, and apparently doesn't take very good care to not eat things that are bad for her, seeing as how she had to go to the hospital with a blood sugar count over 600. I wasn't aware that that was even possible. Shouldn't you just...die or something when that happens? Or go into a coma? Or transform into a hummingbird? It's got to be a superpower or something, man, I'm telling you, the hospital was just an alibi or something, she's totally out there fighting crime...

Well, I can still get a few hours of sleep before Hchan gets here...::will probably play The Sims instead of getting any sleep::

Sleep is for wusses anyway.

-Kchan <((_@)>

sanity was maintained @ 05:15 a.m.

I just deleted a really pointless, angry post. If I have to keep getting up and writing things and crap like this, I should just leave the computer on or something. Geeze. It's cold in here.

sanity was maintained @ 03:46 a.m.

Matt. You stress me out. So just back off, okay? Find another place to sleep (you didn't seem to notice that I was telling you this before, so I'll post it for you to see very clearly). I almost went crazy. We all did, I think. But I don't know how close either of you got (I have the clearest idea of how bad it was for Heather, but you didn't really say much to me about it). I do, however, know how close I got, so...yeah. Sleep some place else or talk Hchan into staying home a few nights next time, alright? Geeze...
You've been an IM window for too long. Pictures and telephones don't matter. You're still an IM window to the subconscious, and it will take a lot to change that.

Hokai, so: the count (of dreams) is up to three. I'll take the hint and get it over with, alright? Will you leave me alone then? Not that I didn't enjoy the last one...it was just too depressing when I woke up is all.

I'm almost done scanning those family pictures. I've done over two hundred. I am so awesome.

I read a book called Lizard at Hchan's (it was in Krista's closet). It's by a Japanese woman with the first name Banana. Her last name was something like Yoshimoto...but I'm not entirely sure. Still, her first name is Banana, and you can't beat that for an author's name. In real life, anyhow.
Speaking of names, I think that Tricky Dick is the best nickname ever given to a politician.

Leslie made us all these cute little egg things for Easter. Man, I was so glad they brought chocolate and that Megan and Robert brought over a bag of Jelly Bellies. Mom got me a pair of crazy socks with pom-poms on them for Easter, and gave them to me earlier this week, so I didn't get a basket or anything. This is the first year I've not gotten anything, not even a plastic bag with some goodies in it. My parents have been doing this for something like thirty-six years, so...yeah. It's about time to stop, I guess. I mean, I'll be twenty in a month.
Holy crap. I'll be twenty in a month. ::experiences an unwarrented surge of fear::

Swordfish had a crappy ending. But then, the rest of the parts I saw weren't really that great so it's not much of a surprise.

I should be sleeping, but I'm not. It sucks a lot, because I really did try to sleep but there's a lot of stuff going through my head right now, and I just couldn't do it. I hope I don't fall asleep when Hchan and I go to class today.
I dunno if she's posted anything about it or not (I'm horrible at checking journals and stuff e-e), but we went to three or four places last week before getting plunked into yet another program. My brother was in this one, so at least I know it's...uhh....something. ::sleepy:: Yeah. Something.

I had a story going at Hchan's house, and two poems. I was in a big, panicked hurry to get them emailed to myself because Hchan said that her mum and T.M. would be home at any moment and they'd not be happy if we were using the comp when they got back, so I wasn't exactly thinking clearly (I'd also had a rough night and very little sleep). So, I cp'd (or thought I did) everything, and then deleted the file. Then I emptied the recycle bin. Then I swore a lot because when I tried to paste it into an email, it wasn't there to paste. I'm not in a good mood about it. Let's leave it at that.

My head hurts. I think I'm going to drink a lot of cherry coke today.

I'm gonna finish those pictures now...

-Kchan <((_x)>

P.S. My nephews are funnier than your nephews.

sanity was maintained @ 05:20 a.m.

Okay. Recap:

Me = cd cover queen

Matt = came to Tallahassee and stayed at my house

Most of the girls here that met him = mentioned how cute he was

His stay = had lots of fun and drama and all that stuff

Me and Hchan = going to start GED classes tomorrow

Me = waiting for Matt to sign on so I know he didn't die in transit or something

Me and Hchan = addicted to The Sims

Oxnarrd = awesome

Soul Soup = best inside joke in a long time

Me = got new cd's and yummy chapstick

My teeth = hurt a lot from the rubber bands I wore last night

My left thigh = has a bruise on it from Matt landing on it with his knee during a tickle war the three of us fought on Hchan's road in the middle of the night

Tickle wars = dangerous but fun

Popeye's chicken = better than KFC

Popeye's buscuits = make me think of Kristen, which makes me sad because I miss her a lot

My nails = have to be cut short in case Helena wants to suck on my finger while I'm holding her

Matt's pants = really cute xD;;

My body = aching

My eyes = dry from all the crying we did this week

My dreams = getting weirder and more depressing

Matt = sometimes squeals like a girl when you tickle him despite his deep voice

Matt = also struggles wildly when you tickle him

Matt being tickled = really funny to watch/participate in

Julie, Jamie, Lisa = need to call me so we can all go get sushi

My mom = said Matt's voice was sexy

Me = laughed and ran away when mom said that

Tim = going outside a lot more and being pissy when we force him back inside at night

Ray and Corey = look eerily similar

Me = still losing my train of thought

Hchan = my best friend ever

Batalha = crying because I'm stuck again

Other Stories = very strongly prompting me to work on them

Me = finally know what it's like to be a third wheel

Me = can honestly say that I don't know if being one or three is worse...

Archaios = dead, I think, because I'm stuck on that, too (seeing as how The Mystic dropped an emotional/psychological bomb on Nova, the poor girl, and I have no idea of how to work with it right now), and Hchan can't do anything in it until she gets her comp fixed

Me = needs to get some sleep

My mom = had a cyst (sp?) on her finger taken off...and is out of comission for a while

McKinley = VERY two

J-D = appears to have a new girlfriend...@___x

My room = needs to be cleaned

My mom = mailed Lina's present for me

Today = Sesame Street's 35th anniversary

Jim Henson = still my hero

Me = very pissed about not being able to find one of my Radiohead cd's

Me = still hating this chair

Me = just logged onto AIM after not being on it for over a week

Me = doesn't really care about the afore mentioned factoid

Me = lonely and tired and just a little bit terrified...just like always

Me = too mentally scrambled to finish this

-Kchan <((_@)>

sanity was maintained @ 08:19 p.m.

Probably it was just that I kept sneaking looks at you, but it made me feel good that I caught you looking at me first a few times.

I hope this cd doesn't skip. It will be just one more thing gone wrong, and I don't know that I can handle that.
If there had been just a moment when I could have said something, I like to think that I could have taken that moment and asked, but the moment never came. So crouded, always so crouded. I never got a chance, and I'm surprised by just how low it makes me feel. I could actually feel myself sinking as we got closer to the door. I hope I don't still feel like this when Hchan and I go to get Matt. I want to be happy when we see him.

Some one broke into Loran and Liane's house last night. They took Loran's axe and smashed the window, hacked at the doors. They came inside and ripped open all of the boxes Loran and Liane had packed for moving out, rooted through everything, even the cabinets and drawers. But, they took nothing. The police say it looks like they were planning on coming back later to take things. More than one house was broken into, Liane says.
J-D went over with some boxes and his gun. I don't know if it was him or Loran (or both) that wanted to camp out and wait for the people that broke in to come back. It's all so stupid.

I finally got a box for Luna's watch, and I wrapped it up and everything. I have Lina's present ready to mail, except for postage. I don't know how much it'll need, or Luna's either, so I'll need to go to the post office soon. I need Luna's adress first, though...::lost it >_<::

My speakers don't have an outlet for my headphones. Shit.

Debbie has met another John, but this one she started off with the right way. She beaned him with a log. Then a few days later, they went to a movie. And then today, she broke his car. Oh yes, definately a marriage is in order XD;
The other John, ex-cop John, called Debbie on her cellphone, and said he loved her. He wanted to know if she'd come back if he asked her to marry him. Wtf. Stupid rednecks, never knowing when they're being used for a two-week fling...

Man, Sting can't seem to make up his mind whether he wants his songs to be pretty or weird (in an annoying way). Poor guy. Being all indecisive like that must get tiring after a while. This song playing now is like Doom Country or something. >_o;

I started to make bronies (yes, BRONIES), and then Megan came in and said, "I...made pie...e_e;;" I had completely forgotten that Megan made pies. I sat there and watched her make them, and I forgot. Of course, I was tired and really nervous and edgy, but still.

Fiver's clock is messed up again. His sense of time is even worse than mine >_>;

Wow. Joe is online. He's got his away message up, but still, it's something. I need to get all o dems peoples together soon. I need to get out more.

We all cringe a little every time he starts to talk. We never know if he'll stray into that territory or not, or if he'll just keep going on and on and on and...anyway. I wish some one would sign on and talk to me, or that Hchan would get here and cheer me up.

A horse poppped my bra strap with his teeth the other day. Before that, no one had ever done it before. Animal magnatism, I guess e-e;

The minutes are creeping by. My arms hurt from scrubbing the tub so vigourously, and my legs hurt because my hamstrings are tight at the moment (because I always sit Indian style, most likely). My head hurts from the fatigue. And my heart hurts a bit too, but it should go away in a while. But the minutes are still creeping, in no hurry. They never are when everything gets like this.

I know I had more to say...

-Kchan <((_-)>

sanity was maintained @ 06:56 p.m.

::shiver:: It's cold in here.

I am going to make a small comic for human-azazello, from DA. I'm in the middle of formulating some kind of plot. My hands are cold.

I have so many comics to do...

At least Matt will be here soon and the wait will be over.

-Kchan <((_-)>

sanity was maintained @ 01:38 p.m.

Ben Folds is the only musician who's written songs that consecutively make me cry. Most of the time, I'll cry when I hear a song a few times and then get over it, but if I hear one of his songs that's made me cry before, it takes a lot of effort to keep from tearing up.

I had a really awesome time talking with Kallie last night/early this morning. With her help, I finally figured out how to post pictures in my GJ page, so look here for my arts from now on. I just...need to figure out thumbnails now xD;;

::completely rocks out to The Ascent of Stan again:: YEEESSSHHH!! x9 If I ever get a chance to see Ben Folds, I will take it. ::firm nod::

I've decided to try and change around this one pic I did that some one on DA freaked out at me for, because I'd based it on something by this girl Galou, and it looked a lot like her version. Only cuter, I've been told XDDDD; Anyway, I'm going to alter it slightly, so that it doesn't resemble the original so much. Maybe no rabid Galou fans will bitch at me this time. Although, there won't be much chance of that happening on my GJ. ::slaps DA lazily::

I can't remember the name of the person that wrote the book I'm about to start, so I'm just gonna leave it on the one by Anthony Burgess. It only took me a night to read that one, but it was good. I'm just glad I finished Clan of the Cave Bear. It was mostly blah, with some good parts in it. :/

I'm going to go move around for a while. I've been sitting still for too long.

-Kchan <((_.)>

sanity was maintained @ 10:55 a.m.

So I was watching McKinley today, and I had the TV on. Blue's Clues was ending, and I caught "Starring Donovan Patton" in the credits. Omfg. DONOVAN. ::glances at The Rob and laughs:: I'm so gonna make a comic out of this XDDD
I had an okay time with McKinley today. There were highs and lows. He's acting a lot like a two-year-old is supposed to, so it's to be expected that he'll be a jerk now and then, but really...some of the things he freaked out over were just ridiculous. I think maybe it wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't been so tired. Yesterday I'd just gotten to the point in my sleeping cycle where I go to sleep around mid-morning and wake up in the evening, and then stay up all night. Now I'm to the point where I wake up at night and stay up, then go to bed in the early to mid-afternoon.
I think mom got home around 3:30, but I'd given up and put McKinley down for a nap at 12:30. Poor guy was really congested today, and kept breathing all weird while he slept. I had to turn him over on his side so he'd stop choking.

I still get a little thrill down my spine when I listen to this cd. Thanks, Joel =D ::cuddles The Packy Mix::

I couldn't think of a good design for the cd I burned for Hhcan so I crapped something out...it isn't horrible, though...it's just not as great as Fattu Capone or the Muse cover I made for Kim. Maybe I'll paint it later. I slept until around 10, so I'll be up for a while. xF

Today was a good day, though. I had a really fun time playing outside with McKinley, and he seemed to have a lot of fun, too. I'd forgotten how much fun it is to play in dirt XDDD

-Kchan <((_=)>

--EDIT!! 8O--

The convo with Will:
Greedy as heII (4:42:36 AM): When will I learn my remote is not a mouse?
KchanZombie (4:43:06 AM): The same day you learn that your ass is not your face, and you stop talking out of it.
KchanZombie (4:43:15 AM): :3

The convo with Kallie after cp'ing what was said with Will:
Kiwi LoGo (4:46:19 AM): XDDDDD Ooohhhh owned
KchanZombie (4:50:53 AM): xD
KchanZombie (4:50:59 AM): He has not replied yet XDDD
Kiwi LoGo (4:51:41 AM): probably wollowing in his own pity xB
KchanZombie (4:51:46 AM): XDDD
KchanZombie (4:51:54 AM): In his FAT pity. e.e
KchanZombie (4:51:54 AM): XD
Kiwi LoGo (4:52:56 AM): -crack- XD
Kiwi LoGo (4:53:04 AM): e.e stupid..fat...pity bastard
KchanZombie (4:53:11 AM): kdg
KchanZombie (4:53:12 AM): XDDD
Kiwi LoGo (4:53:29 AM): and here i dont know him. xD;;;
-washes her mouth out with soap-
KchanZombie (4:53:35 AM): XDDDD

A bit later:
Greedy as heII signed off at 4:57:41 AM.
KchanZombie (4:58:02 AM): ::crackup:: Will just logged off...without replying XDD
Kiwi LoGo (4:58:34 AM): probably drowning in his own fat pity. -dies- sorry xD
KchanZombie (4:58:42 AM): XDDDD

Later...agian:
KchanZombie (5:22:54 AM): Will logged back on xDD
KchanZombie (5:24:00 AM): I guess he's done wallowing now XDD

::highfives Kallie:: We're on a role tonight, baby!! xDD

sanity was maintained @ 12:41 a.m.

Craziness, people. Roger Whittaker want's all of us to ride on the Peace Train. Why? Because he's singing Inspirational Songs, that's why. And why am I listening to them? Because my mom has it in the cd player in the front room, and I can hear it while I type this.

I feel the need to type, but I don't know what. My fingers just need to be busy with something, or I'll take off the rubber bands the orthodontist gave me to wear. It's giving me a headache.

I slept a long time today, but that's mostly because I was up late again. It's just...cycling. Makes me feel like a house-hold appliance.

Hopefully, the weather won't be too gross this weekend, and we can go on a picnic with Loran and Liane. I'm going to go take some pain killers and lie down for a bit.

-Kchan <((_x)>

sanity was maintained @ 08:12 p.m.

sanity was maintained @ 07:46 p.m.

You talk gaming with my brother and I'm not sure how it makes me feel. McKinley made quite a mess today, which we haven't had the chance to clean up and it makes me feel a bit embarrassed. You tell me you've got it in your journal and it makes me feel giddy and shy. Unexpected to have seen you all, but good. I always enjoy being complimented on my baking skills. I look at the line of your back and hold my breath to keep from touching you.

Crazy stuff happening. I want very badly to see Grandaddy, but I really don't think I can go. I wouldn't want to go without Hchan, anyhow. It makes me sad, because this is a band I'd love to see, and I don't know if I'll get the chance again...but I can't take it this time.
Kim will be back tonight; in a few hours, actually. I think I'm going to cultivate a friendship with her. I need some one nearer my own age (and to my house) to talk to.
I did a little gardening with mom, and it felt good but very exhausting. I think I'm going to try and do a little bit every day until I can do more.
This guy is singing the melody and playing the bass at the same time. Friggin.....awesome. ::cuddles Rush, only to be slapped by Kristen XDD::

Hchan came over on Saturday so I could give her the present I got her for her birthday...I couldn't wait to give it to her, so...yeah XD
I got her a nice pair of black flip-flops, but the sizing is weirdo, so a size nine is too small. >_O I'm gonna get a size ten sometime this week.
While she was here, she played FF9, and beat it. The ending was kinda blah. Jareth (the main chara...who's default name I can't remember) did make a really cute face, though. And then Wesley (Garnet) started to cry and punch his chest over his heart, all emotional-like..and I thought, "Geeze, she's gonna hit him too hard and his heart will stop XD" Hchan said that Wesley wasn't crying...she was DROOLING.
I still think the Vivi character was really a girl. You see, boys don't have tits, so I think I can justifiably make this assumption. It was disorienting to see all the little baby Kchans (Vivis) running around. Apparently, I had a LOT of kids in a very short amount of time. Oh well. At least I didn't do indecent things in public, like Hchan XDDD
I think the best part was when we found out about the crystal.....:::Crystal Method starts to play in the BG xDD:: Old gum is gross. :F
I drew a decent picture of Fiver, and Hchan colored it for me, but she doesn't like how she colored it. Still, it's better than I could have done, so I think it's fine xD

I'm almost done with Clan of the Cave Bear, but I'm not having much luck with it. I'm getting tempted to do what I did with Dracula, and just read the last chapter and be done with it. It wants so badly to be a romance novel, it's just getting ridiculous. I keep expecting the main character, Ayla, to meet a tall, handsome, muscular, blah blah blah, and to have a spiritedly flirtacious relationship with him before having passionate sex with him, and then forging the way for a brave new world or some bullshit like that. Some of it was interesting, but most of it isn't. I've skimmed through several parts because they were so boring. xD

::sits still for several minutes, listening to Rush and remembering the songs from when she was a kid:: I just lost my trian of thought and forgot what I was going to say. It probably doesn't matter, though.

-Kchan <((_s)>

sanity was maintained @ 05:28 p.m.

OMFG. BATALHA. IS. ALIVE. 8O

I'm posting in Archaios as well, but The Rob is being stinky and only posted a little bit, so I'm BS'ing a bunch of crap with some of my charas, so I'll actually have something to post. e.e;

Uhh...that's about it, really.

-Kchan <((_*)>

sanity was maintained @ 12:31 a.m.

I have no idea what went on this evening while I was eating that pear, but it was all in my head and it was really hot. You shoulda been there, man. I shivered with flavor XDDD

I made dinner tonight, but a guy from church came over while it was cooking, so we...didn't eat it until later. When it was cold. e-e;; Ah well. My parents helped him out or something, so it's all good.

I'm suddenly very tired.

-Kchan <((_z)>

sanity was maintained @ 12:10 a.m.

If you aren't alreadly listening to a BF5 cd, go get one and listen to it. Right now. Seriously.

Hchan needs to get up now. I'm fine with listening to Ben Folds Five and not doing anything much, but it's almost two and I get the impression that she doesn't like to sleep that late anymore.

I talked to Harrison for a bit, because I needed to make sure I had the right address for Joel. I dunno if Hchan drew anything on the envelope last night or not...if she didn't, I'll probably think up something simple for it and get it in the mail tomorrow.

I know what that little story blurp was from now. It's a relief to know it now. I was in the car with Hchan, on the way to my house...and as we were getting closer to the stadium, it hit me where it was. I took a deep breath, and let it out, and was like, "Haaaahhh..." and Hchan was like, "::eyeshift:: Eh?" xDD

I left a bunch of stuff at Hchan's...if I don't go back soon, I will run out of face wash, but Debbie left some...thingies what are for washing faces...so I will use them and hope she doesn't care when she comes back in May >_>;

The Ascent of Stan is such an awesome song. I think I will marry it. 8D

-Kchan, but married to a song <((-o)>

sanity was maintained @ 01:48 p.m.

Anastasia is molesting Hchan's leg with her tail or something...But then, that's what you get for sharing the bed with a long-haired cat. Or something >_>;;;;

So. Double date I didn't want to go on in the first place: Drunk driving on dirt roads at dusk with one hand behind your seat so you can hold my sister's hand; two pointless trips to different beaches with no plan in mind and not much fun for those who don't drink; pissing your name in the sand; throwing empty beer cans at seagulls; spitting; dirty jokes; thinking it's all just so fucking funny; finding out she's fucking him but don't give her That Look; people I don't know who all know each other; out of place; dirty bathrooms; no sleep in 24 hours and I'm coasting through it all; Huddle House waffle and Dr Pepper; date leaves to sit in the truck and drink a beer; more dirty jokes; I want to go home; the same Nickelback song about five times in a row; holding hands but not really wanting to, I'm just doing it because I need to remind myself that it is possible to touch some one this way; feeling dishonest about it all; relieved that he doesn't kiss me; going home; getting home; pull the splinter from my finger (the only proof that it all really happened) and flop into bed exhausted...sleep. Just sleep. It's so good to feel it all slip away...
Debbie tells me that he wants to see me again. If he called, would I say yes?
No.
Debbie> Well, I think it's cute that he wants to see you again.
Me> Thinking: "I was half asleep, and he was drunk. I'm not building a relationship on that."
Debbie> If he was on his "best behavior"?
Me> Thinking: "He shouldn't have to be. He shouldn't have to change for me. He doesn't even know me." Response: No.
Debbie> Well, considering the fact that you were almost asleep and he was smashed by the end of the night...
Me> Yeah.
Walk away from her. No more.

Hooboy...Grandaddy on the 16th at The Moon. Hchan and I will have to talk her mum into letting her come over. We can probably use my mom's car if her mum won't let Hchan take theirs. ::must see Grandaddy::

I just spent most of the week at Hchan's. I had a good time, except for the part when I couldn't eat...e-e;
I had an orthodontal thing...and...they put in higher-gage wires on my braces, and gave me "power bands" (which should give me some kind of special power, or make me the ruler of a smalll country or SOMETHING as consolation for the ridiculous pain), so I had a hard time eating. So to keep from stabbing myself in the face, I was taking ibuprofen and tylenol, but I forgot that too much ibuprofen can make you sick, and I started throwing up. It sucked. I was better by the evening, though, and made dinner for Hchan and her mum...andthatmantoo.
I got to talk to Matt, and that was fun. I also got to see the horses every day x3 ::slow bounce:: and it was good to be away from the computer, and from Debbie. She's leaving tomorrow, which is why I'm home now, so I can be with her. Or something to that effect, anyway e.e
So John, the ex-cop. For a going away present from Debbie to him...money. He wanted money. "That way, you'll have to come back so I can repay you." fuckassbitchmuthafucka is what *I* say.
I don't care if he drinks. I just care if he's drinking while driving, with one hand behind his back so he can hold Debbie's, and she just happens to be in the back seat.

Well. That was...bitter. e-e

On a happier note, I came back from Hchan's, and she's staying over here for a few days. We're trying to plan a trip out to see Luna and The Rob......::just realized that that sounds sorta like a band XDD::

I'm off to write my name in the sand.

-Kchan <((_e)>

(P.S. I have fanarts up at Buttercup Festival, which I have linked x3)

sanity was maintained @ 01:35 a.m.

Another month, maybe? Or a couple of weeks? Not like I could say what I want to anyhow, even if I were brave enough. I don't mind it, as long as I can ask you before you leave, as long as I can write to you.

And...back to Debbie agian. She plans to go out every night until she leaves. She's going to have a great time, and hang out with people. If she has to hang out in bars to do it and that upsets our parents, well that's just too bad.
She told me last night that the reason she was mad was because we assumed she couldn't take care of herself. She's twenty-two, she knows what she's doing. She can take care of herself.
Total bullshit. She has no idea what she's doing. The fact that she has to tell me so often in a single breath that she knows is proof enough. Once would have sufficed.
An' another thing: when I first came into her room, she acted like nothing had happened. She asked me to double date with her and John (the ex-cop). My date, if I choose to go, is a man named Jeth ("don't get put off by his name, but Jeth is short for Jethro, and he's a really nice guy, and he's cute"). Wtf, mate?
And, as Hchan put it: What about Thomas? You know, the guy she's been in love with for the past five years or so.
Well. She's tired of waiting. They're just (fuck)friends, despite the fact that every time they see eachother, the relationship is rather physical. And that's about it.

My back and hips hurt from this stupid chair. It pisses me off that dad won't get a new chair. He'll get a new printer, but he won't throw out the other (broken) two in here. I'm alternating between standing/kneeling at the computer table, or sitting on the very edge of the chair with my back really straight. Fucking ridiculous.

I think I'll try and stay awake until it's time for McKinley to go down for a nap, and I'll curl up with him and get a few hours of sleep. Then, hopefully, I can drag myself out of the bed and stay up for a bit, and then go to bed at a relatively normal time.

I was up all night. I went to Kim's and we painted, listened to music, counted my cd's (nearly 140), gossiped shamelessly, and watched TV until about 2:17. I realized what time it was, and since she was falling asleep, I decided I'd better go. She woke up enough to take me home, though (we live down the road and around a corner from her). Debbie was home before I was. It surprised me, considering the fact that the last two nights she hadn't come home at all.
I watched A Beautiful Mind when I got hom from Kim's. It wasn't what I was expecting, and I liked it. The line, "You are my reasons," was really sweet. And...that guy who was his room-mate was hot on account of his slick British accent, and the fact that when you first see him, he's in a suit, but it's all sloppy. ::glance at Hchan x9::

Wow. I just...zoned out there for a minute. ::runs away, singing along with Modest Mouse:: Mah heart's tha bitter buffallloooo

-Kchan

sanity was maintained @ 11:52 a.m.

I'm not crying anymore...for now...and that's some relief, at least...

Debbie went out last night with the cop, and isn't home. At about two-thirty, I couldn't stand it anymore, so I burned a cd for Kim, got some things, and at around three, I walked to her house. I knocked on her window until she answered, and when she let me in, I popped the cd in for her, and painted a cover for it. I talked with Kim, and she said that Debbie had told her at about one, that she was tired, not having much fun, and was coming home. Well, we looked at the clock, saw that it was three-thirty, and started to worry. Kim called Debbie on her cell phone, and didn't get any answers. At about four I got home and tried to keep my mind off of it. I brushed my teeth, watched TV in Debbie's room, and tried to call her again. Still, I got no answer.
I'd resolved to wait until five. By four-thirty, I just couldn't take it anymore. I woke mom and dad up, started crying, and told them that Debbie wasn't home, and she wasn't at Kim's. She'd gone out on a date, and wasn't back yet. When I was starting to calm down a bit, the phone rang. I ran to it. It was Debbie, and she was pissed.
Crying again, I asked her where she was. She didn't tell me at first, but wanted me to stop crying, had I told mom anything? I said yes, because I was really worried. It was four-thirty and she wasn't home. Finally she told me that she'd had a drink, and didn't want to come home. She's in Wakulla, at his friend (the ex-cop who still has his handcuffs, I must assume) Guido's house, sleeping on the couch. She'd be home in the morning. She'd have a hang over, but she'd be home.
Why had I called? It was late, I didn't know where she was, and I was worried.
Had I called anyone else? I told her about going to Kim's and she swore at me.
Is mom there with me? No. She's in bed.
Tell her I'm at Megan's and I'll be home in the morning. I couldn't say anything for a while. Again she told me to say she was at Megan's, she'd wanted to hang out with Megan and Melissa or something. In my head I was refusing to lie for her, and said I'd say she was safe and would be home in the morning. She tells me again to stop crying, that it's freezing outside. She'll see me in the morning. I can't think of anything to say, and when she tells me goodbye, I'm numb. I just hang up.
I was terrified that something horrible had happened, and she's angry with me for it. I just...I didn't understand. But now that I know she was drunk and probably ashamed about it, and that she was asleep, I can understand--sort of, anyhow--why she wouldn't want me to worry. She was hoping I would be asleep, or that I'd let time slip past me like always. At least I think that's why.
I hang up the phone, and hear foot-steps. I want it to be mom, I want it so badly. It's dad. I don't want to talk about anything, or I might slip up. I won't lie, but I won't tell, either. I give him the message, that Debbie's safe and she'll be home in the morning, and I shove past him out of the room.
Of course, he has to follow me. I try to close my door, but he has to have his say. His say, in effect, is that he loves me, and I did the right thing. He knew Debbie'd chewed me out for it, but I'd been worried about her--anything could have happened, and he even named a few things that I'd been thinking before she called--I'd done the right thing, telling them she wasn't home, telling them what had happened. He said to rest, get some sleep.
I thought to myself that it wasn't true, I should have waited until five, because she would have called by then and mom and dad wouldn't have known (even though mom seemed more amused than anything else, besides sleepy). But as I the worry slipped away, and the anger seeped in to take it's place, I made myself stop crying and said "Okay," because dad was just standing there, waiting for me to say something. He shut the door and walked back to his room. And of course, I sat back at the computer (which, somehow, I'd known to leave on when I left for Kim's) and started typing this.
I don't know if I'm shivering from cold or emotion, but I suspect it's both. I wish some one was here, that I could call some one. I keep thinking of Kristen, that she'd go walking with me if she were here. Not like I could call Hchan, anyhow, and she doesn't know places to go and walk. I think that maybe I should go back to Kim's, but she was so tired that despite her worry, she fell asleep while I painted. I'll call her later, or something.
I think I should stay away for a few days. I don't know where I'll go, but something tells me that I won't be able to face Debbie for a while.
I just don't understand it. I'll calm down, but then I'll start crying again. I guess, with Rob not coming home until late, and Debbie's late night beach trip the same night, this is just...one thing too many.
Right now, if Hchan weren't half way to Montecello, I'd walk to her house. I wouldn't care if it took me until noon. I can't stay here much longer.

-Kchan

sanity was maintained @ 05:03 a.m.

Who sent me King's X songs? I can't remember. Harrison, mayhap? I dunno...

Megan made this really good chickeny stuff for dinner, and there isn't any left ;-; I should go eat some more peaches, and put passion-fruit juice on the shopping list. :O==---

Debbie...went out. On a date. With a cop. And she isn't home yet. Should I be worried? I mean, he IS a cop. But still.

I'm not sure if we're still helping Loran and Liane (or, L and L, as Megan calls them) out today or not. I hope we can at least visit them. I needs me some baby holdin' time.

I did two fanarts for Buttercup Festival, and they will be up on Monday, says Elliot. The comic makes little sense in parts, but it's the style I like more than anything. Also, his paintings are amazing. I got really relaxed while looking at them. The style just sort of...flows. Most of the photos are excellent as well.
Elliot seems really nice, so I won't hold it against him that he spelled my name wrong in the reply/thank you he sent me (I said nothing, but corrected the typo in my reply XDD). If I had extra money right now I'd buy some BF stuffs. The store is closed anyway. Elliot is in Scotland at the moment or something, and is too busy to keep it open XD

If we weren't so low on milk, I'd go make some cocoa, seeing as how I'm out of apple juice. ::thirst::....Must remember to call Kristen soon.

When Debbie and Kim go on their road trip, mom and I will be doing J-D's chores for him without her help. It will suck, but we're getting paid, so...whatever. I just wish he weren't so lazy. We asked him what he'd do when he moved out and his laundry didn't get done and his dishes didn't get washed, and the carpets didn't get vacuumed, etc., etc., and he said he'd hire some one else to do it. Idiot. Like he can get some one to clean up after him for the $15-25 he's paying us every week. It will suck that we won't have a third person to do chores anymore. I'll miss Debbie for a lot more than her cleaning abilities, though. It's just that, I don't want to think about all the other things I'll miss, so I get stuck on this one thing to avoid it all.

I missed seeing you, and was really disappointed that you wouldn't be coming, but I was very tired anyhow so maybe it's just as well.

-Kchan

sanity was maintained @ 02:34 a.m.

Ennio Morricone = genius. Oh yes. Best songs on the soundtrack, I think. I used to be able to hit notes like that...I probably could if I practiced again xD

I've finished with the reposting of entries in Batalha, and it's a big relief to be done with it. I hate HTML. It's so tedious. Now I've just got to figure out what's going on in the newest post. =f

Luca is a manwhore. No lie. If you've ever seen ER, then you know what I'm talking about. I call him a slut out loud, because I dunno if I could say "manwhore" in front of my mom. I can't sit through that show, but it takes me a while to gather the energy to pull myself off of that couch, so I usually see the first few minutes of it before I can escape. It sucks you in, does that couch. One of these days, it will eat somebody. We really should get a new one before it gets the chance.

Heh. This song always makes me smile. It's the warbling "Aaaiiaaaiiiaaaaahh...wah waauh waaauuuuh..." that does it, I think. I should watch the movie all in one sitting. The whole thing is all out of order in my head because I never had the patience as a kid when my brothers watched it, and I can't sit through a movie that long PLUS commercials when it comes on TV, so...I think I'll just rent it one of these days, or borrow it from some one. Mayhap J-D has it.

We may or may not help Loran and Liane move on Saturday. Their house isn't completely built yet, but they have a buyer for the one they're in now, so they will stay with Liane's parents for a bit until the house in Lloyd is finished. It makes me sad that they're moving all the way out there (it's past Hchan's >_o), but Liane's famliy already owned the property...so...whatever. They get a brand new house, so whatever works, you know?

-Kchan <((_z)>

sanity was maintained @ 10:32 p.m.

The Rob got home really late, and Luna and I were really worried until he got back. I offered to fly there and take care of her if anything bad had happened.
It's weird. I've only met them in person once, and I already care for them both very deeply. It's a comforting thought.

I fixed what was wrong with Batalha. I'd forgotten something in the HTML. I've made the same mistake before, too. e-e;;
I've continued with the reposting of past entries, and there are some minor changes, mostly spelling stuff. Not really worth going back and reading it again over. But as I was going over all of it, I was surprised by how much I'd forgotten xD;

Mmm...Scottish folk music is so lickable :O==---

-Kchan <((_*)>

sanity was maintained @ 12:43 a.m.

Batalha is freaking out. I was reposting all the entries, all new and (hopefully) free of typos, and with things clerified in parts...basic editing, really. But then, something odd happened. I'm pretty sure I didn't do anything to the HTML except in the actual entries, but I'm going to have to see if something is wrong. I'll probably miss it. I have no eye for that kind of thing. Hopefully I didn't kill it or something o-O;;;

-Kchan <((_o)>

sanity was maintained @ 03:31 a.m.

I have stories in my head. They won't come out. Some one kiss me. I bet I'd be so shocked by the romantic-type physical contact that my brain would suddenly start working again. How's that for self pity? =D

PREVIEW:
"I think I'll change my name." She said.
"Oh? What will you change it to?" He asked, still not sure what to expect from her.
"I'd change it to Cassiopia. I'd move to outer space, and have an affair with Orion." She waited a moment, to see if he would say anything about it.
"Well," he started, trying to think of something sensible to say, but his mind was suddenly more on the blank side than it usually was when he talked with women. "I guess it would be interesting." Was all he could manage. He bit his lip.
"Yes. He must be tired of holding his arms up like that. I bet he'd be glad to rest them around me." She leaned forward in her chair and rested her arms on the table.
"It would be nice, yes." He answered before he could stop himself.

Please tell me what this is from. I came up with it, but I don't know where to put it. I don't know what it's doing in my head. I think it's because of last night when I got out of the car and saw how bright Orion was...but I could be wrong.

I might take a roadtrip with Debbie, Mirriam, and Kim. I might not. They want to teach me to drive. It would be a good thing to know. I'm still not sure about it all, though. Everyone planning on going on the trip is short on cash, and a roadtrip isn't really something you should do when you need to save your money. :/

I've left the Doom Aardvark.

I need to call Kristen.

-Kchan <((_o)>

sanity was maintained @ 11:11 p.m.

Subject relation: niece

Name: Helena Elise Schrader
Alias: Laynie
Gender: female
DoB: Feb. 17, 2004 (approx. 1:36PM, EST)
Height: 19"
Weight: 6lb. 14oz.
Hair: dark brown, almost black
Eyes: most likely will turn brown
Skin: new baby colored (i.e. pinkish red)
Phys. App.: beautiful

We have a new tradition. Baby girls being born on their paternal grandmother's birthday (it started with Debbie). I think Loran and Liane gave mom the best birthday present...another grandchild to spoil xDD

I'm very tired and I can't sleep, but today has been a good day.

-Kchan <((_z)>

sanity was maintained @ 01:59 a.m.

I woke up on V-Day and was still sort of half asleep, and I heard the door open and wasn't sure why. I was still too tired to roll over, so I didn't. Then, I heard...noises. Soft, bouncy, rubbery ones. I rolled over and looked up, and there was Debbie, shoving balloons into my room. Red and white ones. Thirty of them. e-e;
Well, we never decorate for anything but Christmas (and maybe something simple on Halloween or Thanksgiving), so it pissed me off when Megan, Melissa, and Debbie taped hearts everwhere. The ones with "Who loves Kyrstan?" and "We do! We do!" were sweet of them to do...but still...I feel like, if I hadn't been boycotting, it wouldn't have happened. Also, half of my family showed up at some point or other to hang out. Now, J-D lives here, so he doesn't exactly count, but Loran, Liane, and Ian were here most of the day, and Russ and Leslie came over with McKinley all spruced up so he could ask me to be his valentine. Who can say no to that face? I mean, come on. So I cheated a little with that, but he's only two, and he's just so friggin' cute, you know? Also, it really doesn't count because he's my nephew. So there. :p
Oh yes. The envelope.... I got a large, white envelope in the mail. Covered with heart stickers. Full of confetti...and valentines from fictional people. The ones that come to mind now are Homer Simpson, and Walter and Perry. It was hard not to laugh at some of the things Megan came up with, but I still wish I hadn't gotten it. She said she'd done it before I started the boycott, but I've been talking about it for some time. It's debatable, though, because she didn't know from the beginning.
Over all, V-Day wasn't so bad this year. In fact, if the things I did with my friends had only happened a bit earlier in the day (for better photo quality), and if it hadn't rained so much, it would have been even better. But as it was, it's pretty hard to beat crushing candy hearts with a maul (axe on one side, sledgehammer on the other), and then hacking up the stump...then spray painting it xD...all the while, with Heather H. doing lots of air humping.
We got to meet Trish's spiffy friend Zach, and meeting new people is always good, especially nice ones like him.
When everyone was gone, Hchan and I watched a spiffy German movie that wasn't at all like the title. The main actress was Franka...something. The Run Lola, Run girl, we think. And the main actor, we wanted to cuddle him or hump him through-out the movie xD He was so awesome.
It wasn't nearly as good as the book, but The Godfather was pretty good...except for the fact that the second tape was messed up. >.<
All said and done, I had a lot of fun mutilating that stump. Thanks, guys. ::huggle::

-Kchan <((_~)>

sanity was maintained @ 12:27 p.m.

I'm posting this from Fiver. 8DDDD ::does a dance that looks suspiciously like a boogie::

-Kchan <((____~)>

sanity was maintained @ 04:14 p.m.

If you know what that's from, I like you more than I did previously.

I got better after taking my dad's medicines, and then got the flu. Lovely.

I managed to make gyoza without sneezing or coughing on the food. Go me! :D
I also have another fancomic up on Tabletron. Gocheckitout x3

Sorry, Hchan, but this box of tissues is my new best friend. And I'm slowly killing it...tearing out its insides so I can sneeze on them. What a nice thought. XDDDD ::was just talking about zombie movies with Will::
I got up around nine to watch McKinley. He was a little tired all day, not really himself. Then he threw up in the middle of his nap. Poor little guy. :/

I like my latest post on DA, Condensensation. It was fun to do, even if I had to keep turning the light on to write more, and then thinking I was done and turning it off to go to sleep...and then turning it back on to write more...xD Oh well. I like how it came out. I still would have liked to get a picture, though. Gingerale is only gross when it's flat. So there.

I could not get ahold of Hchan today to make definate plans for The Boycott. I hope that she is not dead. I need to call Trish, too. :/

People have asked my why I'm boycotting Valentine's Day. I'm boycotting because I don't like it. I've never liked it. I think it's a stupid holiday. And yes, I'm very bitter. Go hump a weasel. It also gives me a reason to smash candy hearts with a hammer, and to watch kung fu movies. I hope I can get ahold of Hchan to see what's going on. I'm still not sure what her plan is for coming over.

I hope I didn't put him in a coma or anything...
KchanZombie (11:49:06 PM): ::sneeze::
KchanZombie (11:49:11 PM): :f
Azrael Rhett (11:49:48 PM): -=Sneezed off through a window, and falls onto a bed...and... passes out... in the form of signing off.=-
Azrael Rhett signed off at 11:49:49 PM.

Uhmm...yes.

-Kchan <((_x)>

ps...my headphones are dying <((_V)>

sanity was maintained @ 11:29 p.m.

I just took my dad's medicine by mistake. It's going to make me sick/really dizzy over the next few days. I have to drink LOTS of water and be careful not to get cuts because he takes a blood thinner to help keep him from having another stroke. I should have just..friggin' stayed in bed today.

It makes me so happy to send emails back and forth with Kristen. I'm really hoping to be able to stop over in Texas for a bit when I go on my trip out west.

As you can see, I've added yet more links, mostly to alternate sites for my friends. I'm trying to think of any more that I might not have, but I think I just might have them all now. XD;

I feel very bad about saying what I did about Lina's layout, but I really don't like that game. Lina is wonderful at making layouts, and I like the color scheme on the one she has up now a great deal...I just can not stand FFX-2 or the characters. That doesn't excuse what any of us said, though. ::tentative hug of Lina::

Ick...I'm feeling dizzy right now, and a little tremour went through me, even though it isn't too cold in this room. I think I can stand the dizzy parts, but the shivering...I hope it isn't a regular occurance. My hands also have that feeling they get when the blood isn't flowing to them properly. I'm going to have to suck it up and keep moving until this crap is out of my system, I guess. Now I know why dad's hands shake all the time. It's the medicine. >_O;;

How odd that water makes me burp more than soda does XD Maybe that's your problem, Hchan XDDD

-Kchan, only dizzier and slightly scared by it <((_o)>

sanity was maintained @ 07:11 a.m.

Loran, Liane, and Iam came over yesterday. Liane is soooo ready to have the baby. Poor girl. :/
Ian has got to be one of the smartest two-year-olds I know. He's so adorable, too. I hope Helena will be as smart. It's so much fun to talk with him. I also hope Helena will be more...snuggly. Snuggly babies are awesome.

Debbie went with Megan and Robert to check out some condos we're planning to rent for the family reunion in May. The week of my birthday. Which I wanted to spend with my friends, not with people I hardly know. <((_e)>

I went to church with my parents again this week, and saw a lady I haven't seen in years. She told me that I've grown up to be a beautiful woman. I didn't know what to say, so I just said thank you. It didn't feel like I'd said enough.
Even after a week, people are coming up to me and telling me they really enjoyed my testimony from last Sunday. It feels good.
I talked with Martineau today. He asked me what I was drawing (it's a concept thing of Fiver) and said it was really good, could he see some of the other things I'd done? So I picked my favorites, and we talked for a bit. He said he really wanted to take an art class.
K> You should. =3
M> Yeah, I should. But I can't right now. I'm still on my mission ::shakes fist:: But when I do, I will be the greatest artist in the world! xDD
So I drew a comic about him saying that, and the world being like, "...e-e;"
When I gave it to him, he said he'd put it in his journal. I'm hoping I didn't blush. >_>;;

Mike is back from Califorrnia. He was a production assistant for an indi film. I'm kinda glad he isn't still doing that, because he's over qualified for that kind of job (i.e. directing traffic, getting people coffee, etc.). I'm glad we made peace and are no longer having a karate war, even though the war was pretty fun xDD

Dad got me an external zip drive for my computer, which is cool. I'm going to cover it in stickers x3

Radiohead rocks my socks off.

-Kchan <((_~)>

sanity was maintained @ 01:54 p.m.

I'm sleepy. :/

I've been drawing a lot more than usual the past couple of days. It feels good, even if the stuff I've drawn isn't the usual type of thing I do. Actually, I like that it's something different.
I must admit that the content has been influenced by the stuff Kyle Parker has done. I really like his art. It's good to find something that I can enjoy so much. I didn't even notice until recently that the things I've been drawing have been loosely influenced by his stuff. Not the style really, but the things the pictures are about. It's refreshing, actually.

Eduardo is a good name for a sloth, I think. I like the name Dennis. The name Janice makes me think of the Muppets...xD

I need to be awake when other people are awake. I don't like having my cd's borrowed without my permission. J-D borrowed one (he already has my player, because mom said I wouldn't mind him using it...even though it's an clock/radio/cd player, so I have no clock in my room xF) of my cd's while I was asleep. Mom told me about it a little while ago. She didn't know which one, just that it had a "long name"........which, you know, REALLY helps me. A lot. <((_e)>;; I don't really mind, it's just kind of annoying. What if he'd taken one of the cd's I listen to constantly? I wouldn't have known where it was. Sheesh. Leave a note or something next time.

Ew. Having a rasperry blown on the top of your head feels gross. J-D came in and did that just now. He borrowed the Kill Bill soundtrack...I need to burn a copy of it for him, and Julie wanted one, too.

I hope Fiver (aka: Hrair-Roo, aka: my computer) is okay. I found a little...camping light thing while clearing some stuff out of my room, and didn't have a place for it, so I put it on my--er, Debbie's--table until I could find a place for it. I remembered several hours later that the light has a magnet on the back, so you can hook it to the inside of your tent...I haven't been brave enough to check and see if he's okay yet. Poor guy.
Hchan did a picture of Amelia and Fiver together, and I was having trouble deciding what colors his eyes and hair would be..so she did most of the deciding...and...I'm thinking of changing them now XDDD;;

Mmmm...poached egg. ::runaway::

-Kchan <((_c)>

sanity was maintained @ 07:13 a.m.

I communicate via computer. I express myself via computer. Why shouldn't it follow that I get my GED via computer?
Is it giving up? Does it matter, as long as I get it finished?

I had the weirdest conversation with Will and Derrick. I'd post it here, but it's just way too weird. I figured I'd put the safest thing I said as the title, since I borrowed the first half of it for the conversation anyway. The other half I got from a Kyle Parker picture :DD.
Hchan came back to it from drawing some time after Will gave up and left (yes, it was so weird that WILL left) and joined after the initial "WTF" but it quickly died. It was too fucked up to last.

Mmm...Placebo is good stuff. It makes my ears happy. :D

-Kchan, who has...happy ears...>_>;

sanity was maintained @ 04:57 a.m.

I sit at my table and wage war on myself
It seems like it's all, it's all for nothing
I know the barricades, and
I know the mortar in the wall breaks
I recognize the weapons, I used them well

This is my mistake. Let me make it good
I raised the wall and I will be the one to knock it down

I've a rich understanding of my finest defenses
I proclaim that claims are left unstated,
I demand a rematch
I decree a stalemate
I divine my deeper motives
I recognize the weapons
I've practiced them well. I fitted them myself

It's amazing what devices you can sympathize
(empathize)
This is my mistake. Let me make it good
I raised the wall and I will be the one to knock it down

Reach out for me and hold me tight. Hold that memory
Let my machine talk to me, let my machine talk to me

This is my world
And I am world leader pretend
This is my life
And this is my time
I have been given the freedom
To do as I see fit
It's high time I've raised the walls
That I've constructed

It's amazing what devices you can sympathize
(empathize)
This is my mistake. Let me make it good
I raised the wall and I will be the one to knock it down

You fill in the mortar. You fill in the harmony
You fill in the mortar. I raised the wall
And I'm the only one
I will be the one to knock it down

I feel strangely upset because I missed out on a chance to see some one. It's never been quite like this before. Why does everything have to change? When did things start to feel so complicated, and get to the point where I'm terrified to be alone?
Maybe all the nights of insomnia; the feeling that I'm the only person in the house...maybe it's getting to me. It's bound to bother me every once in a while. But still, it feels different this time, like almost everything else does.

Kristen did email me back, and that makes me very happy. If I take that trip out west, I'm going to see if I can stop by and visit her for a day or two.

-Kchan, the rambling rover

sanity was maintained @ 09:52 p.m.

Pitas needs to stop being an ass. I added a bunch of DA pages to the links, and some of them aren't showing up. I've checked the HTML, and it all seems to be in order, so...poop. XF

-Kchan, only more pissed off

sanity was maintained @ 04:14 a.m.

I finally posted in the rp, and I've got an entry for Batalha in the works, so I'm feeling pretty good about all that. I think the only thing I'm upset about is that I can't seem to write poetry suddely. There was something I was trying to work on, but it just sucked way too much so I deleted it.

I've gotten myself a Great Journals page...the name is kchan. It isn't friends only, so you can check it out if you really want to, but I probably won't put anything interesting there until I start drawing again. If I do post any art, it will be stuff you can already find with the Doom Ardvark, so there's not much point in checking it just yet since I'll still be posting bere.

I've discovered another comic, so I'll put it with the links...it's called Elsie Hooper, and you should check it out if you haven't already because the art style is really great.

I'm starting to think I should get a new layout. But I still really like this one. I'm not prone to change. In fact, I don't like change very much, even if it's for the better. There have been a lot of changes going on lately, and this is probably one of the reasons I've been feeling so...blah
(shitty, you feel shitty, just admit it)
lately.

Liane will have the baby any time now. Helena. Very pretty name, I think...especially since I had Helen picked out for if I have a daughter <((_e)>

What the hell happened to Kristen? I'm gonna email her, and if she doesn't respond I will be very sad.

Having your heart start to beat really fast and hard just because you see that some one is not too far away from you is strange and a little awkward.

I looked good in that outfit.

My brain hurts.

-Kchan <((_@)>

sanity was maintained @ 03:28 a.m.

You're Vivica! She's Rotten and so Beautiful...

Which Welcome to Iowa Main Character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Except for the self harming thing...yeah, I can see it.

sanity was maintained @ 04:56 a.m.

Yes. I do. It's soooo hot. xD

I went to the opera and saw La Traviata with Mom, Debbie, and Megan. We all looked so great XDD Megan and Debbie kept telling me how good I looked ::suffers a brief attack of vanity only to have her head squashed by self-consciousness::
There were three really annoying college-age kids in the row in front of us. They didn't seem to care about what was happening in the opera at all. Megan and Debbie think they were music majors, and were only at the opera because they had to do it for school. I wanted to kick one of the girls in the head, because she started to make fun of the singing style between acts. They left during the intermission. I was not sorry about it.
I didn't realize how horribly critical I am about certain things. I don't even bother to think before I make a comment (which is usually rude) about something...i.e. the three people in front of us. They don't have to like what they're watching, but they at least could have been more open about it and tried to pay attention. That, and singing that stupid "I like to eat apples and bananas" song in a bad, imitation opera voice is just immature and annoying. I hate that song anyway, but this was just plain stupid.

Debbie watched The Boondock Saints with me after Megan and Melissa left. She really liked it, and was able to stay awake--she tends to fall asleep when she watches movies late at night--through it. I was thinking of showing her the cut scenes, but it was pretty late, and I didn't want to push my luck with her staying up XD
Conner and Murph are so awesome x9 Hchan should do that fanart she was thinking of doing. And Smecker should be in it, too...in drag. XDDDD

I dunno why I archived. I guess I just...felt like it or something. Meh. :/

I'm having a horrible time with writing all of the sudden. I tried to write something last night, but it was just crap and I deleted it. I need to post in the rp, and in Batalha...and I have all these other projects that really need to get worked on. Mayhap I should think these things through, so I know what I'm working towards...

-Kchan <((_')>

sanity was maintained @ 04:31 a.m.