(layout) blah .. hchan here. i slapped together this layout for dearest kchan =D it's a pic by the xenogears artist. now kchan won't feel afraid to look at her own blog..'cos that man was frightening...

(Quote of the day) "'Cause afterall what fun is power if you can't act like a rock star?" -Jewel The New Wild West

Okay, first off, Kristen: WE ARE GOING TO SEE PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN.

Well, I've posted twice in my SEEECRET EAATI----uh, SITE. Yes. Site. ::glance to Hchan...and..anyone else who's seen that Homestar flash XD::
ANYHOW, I've posted twice, and Hchan is the only person who's seen it that I know of....(and that was an accident..butohwell e.e)...and I'm listening to the second Beatles Anthology, which rocks. Yep.

I had a dream that Kristen was over, and we were sleeping, and...I woke up (in the dream) from..another dream e.e in which The Ramones had played their versions of songs that Kristen and I really liked...and then when I woke up, I was gonna tell her about it, but we went to get some water..and Debbie was in the family room pressing buttons on a PS controller..even though it was just the TV that was on. And then Megan appeared, which made complete sense...and..then Kristen was Hchan...........................which really had me disoriented for a moment, because it had been Hchan the whole time of course. But then I remembered that we had come out of my room for a cd to listen to. So, Megan was calmly eating some rice which I made, and was flipping through my cd case with Hchan while Debbie fiddled with the PS controller and was silent in a disgruntled sort of way.
On a side note, Debbie and I are really good at disgruntled silence. You guys should feel it (oh yes..you can FEEL it) sometime. e-e
So anyway, that's about where I woke up for real and went to get some boot reer and avoid tripping over the cat when I noticed how creepily light it is outside. I mean, sure the neighbors have that brightass lamp outside by their pool, but there was light coming from the other side of the family room too. For those of you who haven't been to my house, the family room is a big room on the back of the house with sliding glass doors leading outside to the deck on the right (along with a window for good measure), and two windows on the left, and another two big windows on the back wall (those windows are connected, so they look big, but they're covered by this huge tree...). Anyway, it was really bright, and something about it was just...eerie. So I turned the light over the stove, because everyone knows that a light source that you've created yourself makes it better...e.e and I closed the curtain in the computer room. So yeah. You wanna know something creepily coincidental? I told myself it was just the moon, and that it was probably full or something....and Will's buddy icon for the SN he's using right now is a full moon.
So it's really just Will out there on top of the airport tower, flashing his radiant black bum at my neighborhood XOOOOOOO-----::dies::

Mom made some really tasty lasagna for dinner, and I was able to eat it without too much pain, so that's good. Of course, I've been trying to keep a Tylenol-Ibuprofen cocktail in my system, so for all I know it's just the painkillers that are making it easier...but I think it really is getting better.

My dad's taking this medicine that makes him..not hungry. So he can lose weight. But he doesn't feel good..and some of the time, he just skips dinner completely, and I'm a bit worried. But then, needless worrying is one of my main passtimes. Ah well.

I don't want anyone to leave. I have this horrible suspicion that I may not see the people that leave...and that we won't keep in touch, even though we promise to. I don't want to lose Harrison or Kristen...I don't want to lose Hchan...even though I know I'll see her online, and that when she does leave, she'll be with Matt. Eh. ::shrug:: I'm getting good at giving up on thinking about things that hurt. It may not be a good thing, but it cuts down on the time I spend being depressed.

-Kchan <((_e)>

sanity was maintained @ 02:35 a.m.

Oh, man. Family Guy is so great. XDD

SO. I have all these sores in my mouth from biting my cheeks and the inside of my lips in my sleep, because even while unconcious, I must struggle to find a comfortable position for my jaws. Debbie even gave me one of her Darvocet on Wednesday night, and it only gave me minimal relief and made me a little drowsy. While I was putting McKinley to sleep on Thursday afternoon, I wanted to scream and break things. But it's slowly getting better. I still can't eat though, and I'm really hungry. However, I cannot live on bananas, pudding, and mashed potatoes. It just isn't healthy e.e

Well, my birthday was alright. It wasn't great, but at least this year......no one DIED.

I wanted to say something, but...I forgot what it was. That seems to happen to me quite a lot...

-Kchan <((_x)>

sanity was maintained @ 02:53 a.m.

My teeth hurt like hell right now. I had to have spacers put in because I'm getting braces next week. Spacers are basically these little rubber bands that are shoved between your teeth. And they hurt. A lot. It feels like I have huge pieces of food stuck in my teeth, and there's nothing I can do about it. There are eight in my mouth, and I have to count them periodically to make sure they're all there. If one falls out, I have to go back and get another one put in. Spacers make it impossible to bite down, so I have to eat soft foods. They give you a headache from the pressure they put on your teeth.
Mom has me alternating between Ibuprofen (or however it's spelled) and Tylenol every three or four hours, and I'm very tired and feeling a bit...shall we say...bitchy, in an exhausted kind of way.
Happy fuckin birthday, Kyrstan.
Brie, I hope that you have a wonderful day, because no one should have a sucky birthday. Mine has sucked two years in a row, so I want you to have a rockin time for both of us. Even though you don't read my blog, Kristen does, and she'll pass it along. I really do hope you have a fabulous day.

WELL. Nineteen years ago, Brie and I were born. And..George Lucas. Happy birthday, Star Wars creator. e.e
Anyway, I when I was born, my mom decided that seven was indeed a lucky number, and that she should stop at seven. So she had her tubes tied, and I was the last Schrader to be born of this branch of the family until my siblings started having kids. Well, as luck would have it, they forgot to ask my mom how she wanted my name spelled before she went under for the procedure, and she was still pretty doped up when they asked her the all-important question: How Do You Spell the Baby's Name? And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how I came to have a 'y' and an 'a' in my name instead of the traditional spellings. So there you go. I know a lot of you have probably already heard that story, but what the hell.

Well, I'm gonna do some typing and then....I might sing to myself or something. And then I'll go read. Because I am one EXCITING person.

-Sarcastically yours,
Kchan, only a year older <((_e)>

sanity was maintained @ 12:18 p.m.

Kristen is the only person that will really appreciate the title of the post, but....that's okay.
I went to see Pedro the Lion with Kristen, and it rocked my socks off and across the room. Stratford 4 played before PTL did, and they rocked too. I'd definately make out with their bassist if I was a lesbian. I think she's pretty. The drummer was a woman too, which was spiffy.
Michelle Mann was there for a while, and she got a tattoo on the left side of her chest, and people kept poking it. She said that they even poked it when it was still bleeding and stuff, because it just doesn't look like the kind of tattoo you'd get unless it was temporary. Poor Michelle. It was a cute tattoo, though.
Julie Tibbits was there too, but she left before PTL came on, which is too bad because they were awesome. Also, I miss her, and wanted to hang out, even though we wouldn't have been able to talk except between songs.

The lead singer for PTL, David is his name, I think...well, he did the coolest thing between songs: he asked us if we had any questions for them, and I thought it was really cool of him to do that. Some one asked him if he liked pirates or ninjas better, and he said ninjas. The title of the post is his reason. XD

Saturday was fun, but it would have been better if A) I hadn't been so friggin tired, B) It hadn't been so friggin hot outside, C) Wild Adventures weren't so friggin expensive, and D) If I'd had more money.
I had enough for Wild Adventures, and to get food afterwards, but I really wanted to get a Stratford 4 cd, and a Pedro the Lion cd, but I only had enough to get in. I have about nine cents left, I think, so...yeah. Also, if I ever have a club, I'll let people bring in their own water, because The Beta Bar is stinky and made Kristen and I dump ours out, even though there's a cooler of water right inside the door. Stupid Beta Bar.
Kristen got a pirate flag at WA, and it was really cool because she actually won a pair of those huge sunglasses, but she asked the guy working the games if she could have the flag because that's what she'd been trying to get, and he said for her he would do it, and one of us thanked him, and I said we loved him. His name was Anthony, which weirded me out becuase I'd been thinking about the Anthony I know from online earlier that day...but it was still cool because Kristen got a pirate flag. xD
I think all of us got sun burned, but Harrison got the worst of it, I think. Mine isn't too bad, though.

I really want to be asleep right now, but I just couldn't get my eyes to stay closed. It really bugs me when that happens, because I'm really tired. At least I took a shower so I wouldn't smell like cigarettes anymore e-e

I have a appointment with Dr. Morse today at three. He'll give me a perscription for a lower dose of Effucksor, which is good. Mom thinks I've actually had MORE energy since we've had the dose lowered, so maybe I'll have even more when we change the dose. I'm really tired, so the thought of more energy is both appealing, and unappealing. It's appealing because I need to be able to do more stuff during the day, and it's unappealing because I really want to be asleep right now.

Two days until Brie and I turn nineteen.

-Kchan <((_z)>

sanity was maintained @ 03:32 a.m.

Thank you, Violent Femmes. You know exactly how I feel.

Well, I feel better than I did last night, which is saying a lot because....well...have you SEEN that post?
So anyhow, I'm going to Wild Adventures with Kristen (I don't know who else is going, though..Hchan mught, but I'm not sure), and I earned thirty dollars doing various chores, so I'm just five away from the entrance fee. I'm pretty sure I have another five in my wallet, so that's good.Now I have to get some spending money, and that should be easy because I still have seventy some-odd dollars in my spending account (it's really my savings account, but I sure hadn't been savin it).
My arms and back are sore because I washed the windows to get the money, but I have an appointment with Troy (massage therapist), so I suppose I'll survive x3

I'm working on a Homestar Runner quiz! 8DD I only have two questions, and the second one still needs more answers, but I'm making results for ALL of the characters...and...that's a lot of answers. I would have done Homsar, but there weren't any icons for him, and I'm using the AIM icons you can get from the site for free as the pics on the results. v.v ::pets Matt because she vaguely remembers him saying he liked Homsar::
Also, I'm not sure how to have Pom Pom reply. I could but '::bubble::' or '::gurgle::' but that would give it away. Also, I wanted to have something besides '::silence::' for The Poopsmith's answers because that's a give-away too...at least, if you know anything about the characters...<((_e)>
I know it'll be a give-away for most of them, like the answers for The King of Town, but...oh well.

BLECH! The smell of Killz is filtering into the rest of the house from the bathroom. >_< Killz is a basecoat of paint type stuff that can cover up anything that was on the walls previously. We're having the bathroom repainted, but the guys who did it last time did a shoddy job of it, so we have to do everything from scratch (literally..we had to scrape away all the old paint).
Well, I think that's all I have to say right now. I'll change the info on the margins when I feel like it..::doesn't right now::

-Kchan

sanity was maintained @ 04:27 p.m.

I'm angry for no reason.
Actually, that's not true. There are lots of reasons.
I'm angry because he's the first decent guy on my record, and it was the wrong kind of love. Ain't that a bitch?
I'm angry because I was doing alright with the swearing thing, but now I'm thinking things that would scare a sailor.
I snapped at Debbie because the SECOND that I pressed the internet explorer icon, she came in and asked me to let her check her email. "Why do you always DO that?!" I demanded angrily. She snapped back at me that I was always on the computer and that if I wasn't, then dad was, and she never got to use it. "I wasn't on all of today and neither was dad." I said. "Yeah, well, neither was I." she replied. I was tempted to say, "Duh." or. "Obviously." in an exceedingly snotty voice, but got up and let her check her damn email while I took a quick shower.
The whole time I was in there, my head was racing with all of these things that I desperately wanted to be typing so that I could save them. Fuck.
I was thinking as I got dressed that I'm sick of this site. I'm sick of everything. I'm gong to get another site, let it have one of the craptacular layouts that the free site will come with, and I'll rant. I'll rant and name names and give details and locations, and I'll regret all of it later. And I won't change it. Because I have to get things off of my chest. But it stings like peroxide, and smells even worse, so I won't do it, and that stings even more.
I was thinking that I'd draw the most depressing pictures ever, but I'd do all of them in bright, cheerful colors, and I'd sell them for millions because no one had thought of it and it would be called all of those stupid art words like, 'avant garde' (or however you spell that), and, 'brilliant' and all that bullshit, and I would laugh behind my hand and just shake my head mysteriously when people asked me where I got my ideas and inspiration, and then I'd shut the door and laugh until I couldnt stand up. I'd laugh until I was crying because my sides hurt so much. I'd laugh because it's all a fucking joke. Then I'd take my money and make movies. I'd get normal looking actors and make insanely ARTISTIC movies, and I wouldn't let the actors where makeup if they were in a scene that involved them getting out of bed, because no one wears makeup to bed. I'd let their hair get messy and the women would dress like normal people, and I wouldn't tell them what the fuck they were feeling in the scene because I don't give a shit. And I'd laugh. Dear God, how I'd laugh.
It pisses me off that every time I check my email, the damn site has these big adds for it's dating site, so easy to find a match! and when I log out, it automatically takes me to the dating site, like it has to rub the fact that I've been single my entire life in my face. Fucking inanimate ojects. How am I supposed to scream at it to back the fuck off if the damn thing can't hear?
I think I'm getting sick. I think the lower dosage of Effucksor is getting to me. Or maybe I'm going to start my period and that's why I'm so hormonal. It's not like the damned thing has ever bothered to be regular.
That's another thing that pisses me off. Those stupid little movies they show you in fourth grade don't tell you about the mood swings and the pimples and the self-loathing and the blood and the pain and frustration. They don't tell you that it won't always be regular. They tell you that there are these wonderful pills that get rid of all the pain, and that you may get a little cranky sometimes. They tell you that it'll be once a month and last about a week, but that it won't be too bad.
Obviously, there was a man writing that fucking joke of a script. Or a woman who had an easy time of it.
Times like this make me glad that I can't drive, because right now, I want to drive someplace, but I know myself well enough not to trust myself behind the wheel.
I want some one to be here, but what would they do? I'm not in the mood to be alone, and I'm sick of only having friends that are several miles away from me. But if some one did live closer; if they did come over right now, what would I want them to say? Honestly, what can you tell some one who feels like this? There is nothing to say. They could comfort me and tell me all the happy little lies that I like to hear, but in the moments like this when everything I see seems clear, but at the same time like I'm looking at it all through Jade-tinted (ha ha) glasses, what would I have them say?
At 8:00pm I was happy in a nostalgic sort of way, because Debbie and I were watching "I Love the 80's" and I remembered a lot of the stuff in it, and it was nice to see it all. We laughed at it, but (at least in my case) maybe a little too loudly and too hard, because the hurt is there. I'm going to be nineteen in nine days, and it scares the hell out of me and I don't know why. Maybe it's because this is the last year I'll be a teenager, or that all of my friends have plans for the future (or at least the summer) and I'm still sleeping half the time.
Yeah, I'm supposed to be going to take the TABE or TAEB or however Lon spelled it, but I'm still tired all the time. And right now, I feel like shit, and I'm so sick of everything that I'm not entirely sure I wouldn't start screaming obscenities at the other people in the room with me. Or just screaming. Not words, just sounds. Inarticulate noises that carry all of the feeling I have locked inside, building up, getting ready to break out.
Fuck. My head hurts.
How do you like the poetry now, Brian? Still like the words? The composer is the same, but the music is different. The style has changed. It's more honest and spiteful.
Why the fuck did I just start craving lemonade?
I think that my brain is melting. There's no other explaination. The levels of my personality regulator have been reduced, and now I'm going crazy...so the little piece of shit pill WAS doing it's job. But the price is too high.
I'm wearing clothes that I can get on the treadmill in because I was going to do some walking, but now I don't really want to. The idea of doing all that physical work and not getting anywhere smacks too much of my current situation. I.E., I've been doing all this work to get my room, my life, my thoughts, and my emotions together, but it's all for shit. I'm not GETTING anywhere.
I feel so used up and empty of anything that could be helpful in any way possible.
I'd get some ice cream or something to comfort myself, but my stomach hurts too much.
Can't even make myself feel better with calories.
Once again, Fuck.

-Kyrstan (there is no face for how I feel)

sanity was maintained @ 11:41 p.m.

Fuck it.
I got the SECRET SITE, and then forgot to change my name on the tagboards. Fucking idiot. Fucking idiot...
I wonder if it was something subconcious or if I really did forget. Then again, I might be reading too much into it all. I mean, did I do it intentionally without knowing it because I wanted to tell people what it was and get it over with, or if I truly just forgot.
::stabs herself in the head:: fucking idiot!

------EDIT------
Uhm. Yeah. I was really pissed when I typed all that, and I'm still mad at myself, but...bleh. There's not anything for me to say, really. ::shrug::

sanity was maintained @ 01:06 p.m.

Yes, the tagboard is gone on purpose. I fucked up on something, and I'll put it back when I feel like it.

-Kchan >_<

sanity was maintained @ 12:30 a.m.

Why is it that with a long, complicated dream...the only things I can explain in detail are tiny flashes of the things I've seen? I can sometimes get the gist of it all, but right now, I'm struggling to understand.
I had a really strange dream last night, and the only things I can remember are Will and Joel (I know there were other people I know in it, but I can't see them clearly any more...but I think Kristen was there). I can see each of their faces. When I first woke up I could see it all so clearly that they could have been in my room...for..some odd reason...at seven in the morning e.e;; But now it's more like I'm looking at it all through some kind of filmy covering, like cloudy glass. I can see that it's dark, where ever we are in the dream, and I remember that we were all talking about something that was important (in the dream, anyway) and now I have no idea what it meant or what it was about.
When I first woke up, I thought I'd only been asleep for an hour, and I couldn't understand why every one was in bed when it was only seven. When I went to bed at six, everyone was up and doing stuff, but now it was totally quiet and the lights were out (I can see the lights from the front of the house shine from under my door). I got up to see what was up, and my mom heard me and mumbled, "Good morning," from her bed, and that settled the matter. I went back to bed and slept until eleven...and..that's about it. Yep.

I found the book Joel gave me 8DDDDD! My dad had it...I found it while looking for a his flashlight...and now that I have it, I can vaguely remember letting dad borrow it. >_< ::smacks head agaisnt wall::
Oh well. At least I have it back now that I have no more room on my shelf for it. e.e Hopefully Loran will come over on Saturday and put up those new shelves for me. =p

I had something else to type about, but I can't think of what it was...so I may or may not get back online later.

-Kchan

sanity was maintained @ 02:38 p.m.

So many poses...
...but it wasn't the right kind...
I read your entries and for about a week I tentatively loved you. But I realized that it was because I wanted to fix you, I wanted you to feel loved because I know exactly how you feel. It wasn't exactly pity; at least that's not what I'm calling it because that's not how it feels. I think it was more like the feeling you get when you meet a soul akin to yours. You meet a person that has the same problems, and you understand how they feel, and you love them for it. But it wasn't the right kind of love, and I'm so glad that I caught it in time, before I did something that would end up hurting us both.

"If you wanted me on my back, all you had to do was ask."
I liked the feeling of the cool air on my bare skin; the way it's almost cold because the water is drying. I liked the warmth of the towel under me, even though it leaves that funny terry-cloth pattern all over the parts that are bare, which was every part, but that's okay because I was alone. I liked the way the music helped to relax me and to cheer me up at the same time, the combination of the two emotions making me feel a mellow contentedness that rests lightly over me, seeping into my skin as the water evaporates, taking the negativity with it. I should do this more often.

cracks in the mask
Well, I didn't mean for it to happen, but it did. Luckily she deleted the tags, but she knows who I am now. But that's sort of okay. I've been through some hard things, and she was there for me, so I guess she's earned the right to know. Right now, I think we're the only ones looking at the site anyway, if she's even gone to it. I can't figure out how to get rid of those stupid bars across the middle of the page, but that's not very important, even though it is irritating. The content is important, not the layout. However, the layout of a site does add to the content, and I'd like it to be visually pleasing, and I find that while the bars are okay, it would be better if it was a fade effect (I know what I'm talking about anyway...e.e) instead of the solid bars. And the bars aren't even different shades of one color. ::shakes fist at layout:: Oh well.

"Why are you so far away from me?"
Where are you right now? What are you doing? What time is it where you are? Are you sleeping, or are you getting up to face another day?
I wonder if you can speak the language, or if you're just getting by with the basics and a friend who knows it. Why do we have to be so different now?
When you left, we were already drifting, but now the void between us is so very wide...I worry that when you get back, you won't even think to call me and let me know that you're home. Will you have an accent? Spending long periods of time in a foriegn country can do that to you, and you're going to be there for two years, if not longer.
I think of the things that we've shared, the laughs and jokes, the arguements and stand-offs. We never fought outright, though from what I can remember. There were heated arguements that ended in unspoken truces, each of us either giving up because we're both so damned stubborn, or because we knew we were beating a dead horse, despite the fact that we wanted to keep presenting our cases. There were times when we saw what the other was saying and came to an agreement, but we both still knew that the other's oppinion hadn't changed much. We're just too fixed in our ways.
How many drugs and kinds of alcohol will you have tried? I know that you do them. You were just starting to the year before you left. You were starting to party when I was deciding to resist that kind of temptation because I don't think that it's worth it. I think that the consequences and risks are too great when I weigh them against the feelings that are only temporary. Those feelings are false, anyway.
Are the feelings I felt for you temprary as well, or will I still get these sharp, sudden pains when I think of what could have been? I know that it was too good an opportunity to give up, but if we had been closer...would you have at least written me? I wouldn't ask you to stay for my sake, not when you could do what you're doing. But the least you could have done was write me a letter, or have your mom call me and say that you'd said hello.
You've made me cry before. Did you know that? Do you remember that night? Do you remember..?

Okay. I feel a lot better now.

-Kchan

sanity was maintained @ 08:52 a.m.

He said, "Welcome home," and I knew it was the right thing to do. I had been longing for something, and in my late-night musings, the only word I could think of to name what I longed for was 'home'. I wanted to go home, and there was no way he could have known that it was the word I wanted to hear unless something inside told him, because it's too close to be coincidence. It's so hard, but I know it's the right thing to do. I know where it is. I know how to go home.

All that aside, I found out who came up with the peace sign, and what it means. The peace sign was designed by Bertrand Russell. He invented it in the fifties, and it's a combination of two British Navy semaphore letters; N and D. They stand for Nuclear Disarmament.
I just..thought that was interesting. ::shrug::

Mom took me to the Orthidontist today, and I may not have to have my wisdom teeth taken out, but I will get braces.
They took the coolest x-ray, though! It was my profile from the left side, and it was my whole head and the top few vertebrae of my neck, and they let me look at it. I could see my hyoid bone, my sinuses in my forehead and cheeks, the outline of my trachea and esophagus going from my mouth and nose and down my throat. I could see the cartilage in my nose, and also the outline of my face, you know, where the skin is, so I could see my nose, lips, and chin, but I could also see the bone underneath. It was really odd looking at the inside of my head. I thought it was cool looking at the x-rays of my teeth, but...I wish I had a copy of the one of my head. I could also see where the holes of my ears where, because they put this little plastic thing in them to held keep you still. It was really cool.

We're going out for Chinese tonight, and I wish Hchan would come over and come to dinner with us and stay the night, but she hasn't really seemed to want to go anywhere. She has to be in the mood to go someplace, and if you don't go right away, then she might sort of...slide out of that mood and not want to anymore. It's very frustrating sometimes.
Her mom made a really good point the other day when she was taking me home...Hchan's mom is really...is intuitive the right word? I don't know...but she could see the situation really well, and what she said makes a lot of sense. Unfortunately, it was about Hchan and Matt's relationship and the transition between strickly enternet and then seeing each other in person, and it wasn't positive. She's (and so am I) worried that because they're so much alike, and they're both so introverted, that when they meet each other they might not like living together. See, when you talk to some one in IM's, you can shut them out whenever you want. You can think, "Well, I don't want to talk to anyone right now..." and log off so you don't have to deal with anyone. But when you live with some one, you can't just shut them out. Yeah, you can leave the room, but they're still there. We both know and acknowledge that they are perfect for each other. But...you act differently in person than you do online. I act and talk differently online with my friends, even if I do interact with them in person as well. The change may be subtle, but it's there and I know that it's there. Her mom and I both know that they will be ecstatic when they're together. But the novelty wears off.
Another point that Kristen made (it was really bugging me, and I knew that Kristen, being the wise young woman she is, could probably help me) was that it isn't a good thing to go from not flirting or dating anyone ever to being in a solid relationship. You have to learn how to act in romantic situations. You have to learn how to conrol your desires if you want to wait. It is one of the most difficult things to do, and you have to practice it. If they plan on waiting, they're going to have a hard time controlling themselves because (I don't know about Matt though) they don't have any practice in being touchy-feely and then stopping when it gets to be too close to the moment when you say, "Okay, forget abstinance, make love to me." Also, even the most trusting and loving relationships have their rough patches, and you wonder, "Did I make the right choice? Was there some one else out there that I should have been with?"
Another thing, is that they may know eachother mentally, but body language is a huge part of any kind of socialization, even more so with a partner. They've never met, so they can't read each other's body language, and I know that it will be easy to learn, but some times it can be such a subtle signal, and you might miss it.
I'm probably worrying needlessly, and I tried my best to reassure Hchan's mom, but now I'm worried about it.
I know I should talk to Hchan about it because this is a bit personal, but...I can't think of the words to say when I talk to her. I don't want to hurt her, or make her think that I don't have any faith in her and Matt. I do. I'm so happy for them, but I worry. I'm a really neurotic person in some respects, and when I was younger I used to worry about things so much that it would make me physically ill. I've gotten a lot better about it, but when I find something that concerns me, I still have a lot of trouble talking with the person it migt concern, especially if I really care about them. I don't want to say the wrong thing, and I want them to know it if I have a semi-valid, or valid arguement, but that I can also see their point of view, even if I can only see part of it.
I guess when you get right down to it, I'm scared because I'm getting older, and I still don't know what to do with myself, so I distract myself from any thoughts of my own future by worrying about my friends and family. I guess when you get right down to it, my approaching birthday has me on edge. I guess when you get right down to it, I'm still a little girl sometimes. It's just the body that changed, not the mind. I may have traded my Barbies for posable drawing manequins, and I may have decided that veggies aren't so bad afterall, but I'm still playing the same games. The rules may be a little different, but I'm still playing. I still think that the bad guys will lose, and that a White Knight will charge in and save me before things get too hard.

Damned Disney movies.

-Kchan <((_<)>

sanity was maintained @ 01:19 p.m.

Lullabye (Goodnight, My Angel)

Goodnight, my angel
Time to close your eyes
And save these questions for another day
I think I know what you've been asking me
I think you know what I've been trying to say
I promised I would never leave you
And you should always know
Wherever you may go
No matter where you are
I never will be far away

Goodnight, my agnel
Now it's time to sleep
And still so many things I want to say
Remember all the songs you sang for me
When we went sailing on an emerald bay
And like a boat out on the ocean
I'm rocking you to sleep
The water's dark
And deep inside this ancient heart
You'll always be a part of me

Goodnitght, my angel
Now it's time to dream
And dream how wonderful your life will be
Someday your child may cry
And if you sing this lullabye
Then in your heart
There will always be a part of me

Someday we'll all be gone
But lullabyes go on and on...
They never die
That's how you
And I
Will be

-Billy Joel

sanity was maintained @ 11:22 a.m.

No one is up but me, and so I'm walking around the house without my robe belted, and I think that I should wear a cape all of the time now, becuase it's the coolest feeling in the world to feel the robe flutter out behind me, and then settle and swoosh around my legs when I stop. Not only that, but I just shaved my legs and the fabric is silky, so it feels extra nice. =9 I'm so going to be a mad scientist or maybe an manga villain (I guess I could settle for anime or ::shudder:: Disney if there are no manga spots open) when I grow up, so I can wear a cool fluttery cape all the time.

Yeah. The day is getting closer. I'm not sure how I feel about it though, other than a bit nervous. I mean, I know that I should be happy because it'll be my birthday, but it scares me that things are going so fast. I still haven't fully adjusted to being eighteen, and now I'm about to be a year older. Everything is moving too fast.
Tony Danza, I still don't have my GED, and I'm still terrified of learning to drive. I just can't stay calm when I try to control mom's huge Buick. Maybe a smaller car...say...a VW Bug...or a go-cart. Yeah. I could (maybe) handle that.

Did you know that Perfect Strangers comes on at four? We used to watch that, and now it comes on Nick-at-Nite. The songs I hear on the radio will be ODLIES when/if I have children. The shows that are popular now will be just more TV history, and the actors in them will be lucky if they can make it into commercials, let alone another show. It creeps me out to think of it. It makes me wonder what it's like for my parents, to see a movie they watched in the theaters shown on AMC, or to see the songs they sang along to on the radio advertised on TV in those compilation sets that take music from one time period and mash them all together in a two CD offer, just .95 (.95 for four casettes)! Act now and you'll get this cheese grater!
It makes me feel so...wierd. Because that will be a CD with the bands that are on party CD's right now. What was it called? Totally Dance? Something stupid like that.

I want home made chicken noodle soup all of the sudden. Just thought you might like to know. It's odd, because just a few hours ago I wanted a salmon and cream cheese bagel....so I made one. And it was delicious. :O===-------

Loran might come over today, and if he does he's going to put up some shelves for me, so I'll have more room for all of my over-crowded junk.

I'm going to make a comic inspired by my odd food cravings. I was going to just type it here, but I think it would be more fun to draw it. I just have to decide if I want to do it in Paint or on paper. =p
Matt, Hchan, Kristen, and Trish will be in it with me, and maybe some other people, but those are the only ones so far in the version I typed. I'm not sure how to draw Matt though. I know what he looks like, but I've never drawn him before, so I have some reservations, but he adds to the comedy, even though he hasn't said anything so far. It's the facial expressions that I picture him having that are funny, and...Tony Danza, I should just draw it and email it to the people that don't live here and therefore cannot see it in person. Bleh. ::goes to draw it::

-Kchan, still ranting pintlessly <((_<)>

sanity was maintained @ 07:51 a.m.

I haven't been online in a while becuase our enternet connection was screwed up, and my dad just fixed it today, so...sorry if anyone had anything to tell me or something like that. =p

WELL. I've started with the lower dose of Effexor, and I feel a little..not..good. But once I get used to the dose, I should be okay. Of course, by the time I get used to it, we'll probably lower it again, but whatever. At least the process has started.

My new fan was installed today, and we also had a new one put in the kitchen, so you don't feel like you're going to get your head chopped off, which is a good thing. The exhaust fan in the bathroom is fixed, so it doesn't rattle and wheeze like it's about to die...so maybe I can take showers in the middle of the night again (I stopped because the exhaust fan was so loud it woke Debbie up). We had new lightswitches put in too..but I think just in the hallway and the kitchen.
We're doing a lot of this because the people who used to carry our Home owners Insurance dropped all the people they carry it for in Florida. When we have the house appraised by the people who are going to (maybe) give us a new policy, we want the house to be nice and in order, becuause if it is, the rates will be lower.
But we may have to put Andy to sleep. He's an old dog with health probelms and a bad attitude. The only person he really likes is my mom, and he's a nice dog, really he is...but...he's bitten two people. He's part Chow Chow (has been watching that Eukanuba Cup thing on Animal Planet XD), and a lot of insurance companies won't take you if you have certain breeds of dogs for pets, and Chow happens to be one of them, even if the dog is only part Chow like Andy. I doubt any one will take him, and if we can't get insurance because of him...then he has to be put to sleep. It seems a cruel because he should be able to live his life out, but...I think that it's more important that the house be insured. <((.;)>

I helped mom watch McKinley today, but I was so tired. I almost cried when he went to sleep becuase I was so happy that I could take a nap too. The lower dose is making me tired, I think. I have crazy dreams, like the ones I only have when I've missed a dose, so I think that's the problem. I'll be okay when this is over.

I think that some one should come over and eat ice cream with me in the hammock.

I'll be nineteen in twenty days. I'm still not used to being eighteen yet. I'm scared.

-Kchan <((.-)>

sanity was maintained @ 11:04 p.m.

I hung out with Kristen, and we watched Moulin Rouge...and I actually enjoyed it this time! =o
When Kristen got to my house, she helped us eat the yummy stew my mom made, and I finally got to show some one the hammock! =D I've been wanting to swing in it with some one since we got it, because it's just not the same with Debbie as it is with a friend. We went to Fun Station and got these little dinosaur things that you put together...and we were gonna have them battle, but we decided to leave instead. I also got an eyepatch! YARRR!! We painted the fanblades for my new fan, and Kristen made me the prettiest dinosaur, zombie, and bomb fanblades in the world! =DD Then we got Popeye's biscuits :0===------ and ate them with honey and milk while we watched Moulin Rouge. I never realized how ridiculously adorable and innocent Ewen McGreger looks in that movie, or how beautiful Nicole Kidman is in it.
I think that maybe the reason I really enjoyed it this time is because I watched it with Kristen, and she didn't burst into song like Debbie does.... I've never really understood it, but when Debbie starts to sing along to a movie (and sometimes to songs on the raidio or something) it really bugs me, and it's the same for her when I do it. But when it's some one else, it usually doesn't bother me. Is it because she's my sister? Hmm.

You should all check out the super-rad new link I have up to Joel's deadjournal page, because Joel is stockin rockin! x3
Timmy did the Elvis Lip at me today while I was playing with him. I think it was because he lost a whisker, which I found on the bathroom floor. This is the second time I've found one of his whiskers. I hope they don't all fall out, because then he wouldn't be able to walk, or balance, or find his food (or the poobox e.e), and I'd have to have him put down. Y_Y

I want very badly to learn to play an instrument really well. I want to be able to express myself in different ways, and I know that music is one of the best ways to do that. I haven't been drawing much becuase when I do, I feel like the picture isn't any good, and I get depressed about it. I've been writing well, I think, but I don't want to have to get on the computer every time I need to vent.

Some one who likes cheesy eighties movies needs to come watch Electric Dreams with me. I want to watch it with some one. Hchan's seen it, but she was working on this super kickass pic she did of Miyu in my sketchbook while we watched it, so she wasn't exactly paying much attention to what was on the screen.

I was hit by massive tsunamis of nostalgia while Kristen and I were driving around. It made me sad and happy at the same time, and that's such a confusing state of mind. She had some CD's by this band called Something Corperate, and I wanted to burn myself a copy, but I think I'll save up my monies and try to find them so I can buy them instead. I just figure I should support the bands I really like, unless I have to import the CD...because I'm way to lazy for that (luckily for Muse, my sister got me their import only CD's for Christmas). There are so many CD's I want...::ponder::

When I want to swear, I'm going to say, "Tony Danza" instead, because when we were at Fun Station, Kristen dropped one of her coins and said something...that I can't remember, but I thought she said Tony Danza...because I cannot hear. XDD

WELL. I think that's about it for now.

-Kchan <((_^)>

sanity was maintained @ 04:02 a.m.

I feel a lot of conflicting emotions right now: I feel laid back, but I feel this great, agitated desire to get away. I feel sad that I'm finally getting my room together in time for me to want to move out. I feel happy that I was raised by Mormons and not Baptists...because some of the stuff in the Easter presentation in the Joy Dome freaked me out. I'm angry with myself for still not having my GED, and not pushing Debbie harder to get us both to the gym. I'm pleased with myself because I'm doing so well with keeping my temper. I've been able to understand things better lately...but all of these emotions confuse me.
It makes me think of this poem I wrote...I was saying these things that were opposite on purpose...but I don't feel like finding it, copying it, and then adding the HTML to it so that it will actually be in the form of a poem instead of one long string of writing...::shakes fist defiantly at HTML::

I found these sites that had great art, and I wanted to show Hchan...but her comp is so S L O W. <((_e)> I didn't even bother telling her. I would have extended yet another invitation to come over to my house, so we could look at stuff together....but I already invited her, and I don't want her to think I've suddenly become obsessed or something...::hides Hchan-shaped doll behind her...on her Hchan alter...XD::

Through diligent experimentation, I have concluded that it is in fact, not possible to remove the wrapper from a Startburst solely with one's tongue. The teeth must be used to loosen the flaps of the wrapper, but for said flaps to be loose enough, they must be thouroughly moistened. However, when moistened, the flaps tear easily, and the wrapper is damaged. Therefore, it is my conclusion that the Starburst comercial that portrays a young woman removing a Starburst wrapper with her tongue is false and misleading.
Don't you just love the way stereotypical uptight scientific people talk?

I figured out how to get rid of the IM sounds (I left the sound it makes when some one first IM's me, and the sound it makes when some one either logs on or off), so I can listen to my music nearly undisturbed. I also got an alternate email address for my other site...which I want to redo the layout on, seeing as how I'm using a Pitas layout that I played around with. But I either keep forgetting to go to that site Luna gave me the link to ::licks Luna 8DD:: or I just don't feel like going to it and reading all the stuff about HTML.....

I posted in the vamp rp, and I really want to post in the mech rp, but no one has posted yet...::sobs melodramatically::

I wonder how many people have seen (or even heard of, for that matter) the movie Electric Dreams? We have it. It was made the year I was born. It's very cheesy. I haven't seen any of the actors in any other movies. And I love it. It's a little slice of my childhood, and I want to watch it..but no one is up to watch it with me, so I probably won't. =p
I watched Pet Semetary 2 the other day. It was terrible. But it had FOUR people that I know from other stuff: Edward Furlong (the only one that I can remember the name of XD) played the son in this movie, and he played the younger brother in American History X, which is one of the best movies EVER. The guy who plays Mark Green on ER (only they killed him off) played Edward Furlong's dad. The guy who plays the mean prison guard in The Shawshank Redemption (another of the best movies ever) played the sheriff (Edward Furlong's best friend's stepdad). And then there's that lady who's in a bunch of other movies that aren't well-known...or very good, most of the time. e.e ::can't think of her name..:: She played the mom of Edward Furlong's best friend.
WELL...my butt hurts, and I know of some smoked turkey in the fridge that wants me to eat it...so...yeah.

-Kchan <((_o)>

sanity was maintained @ 03:53 a.m.

I slept all day yesterday and was up all night...and it's highly likely that I will repeat what I did yesterday.
I woke up in time to wash my hair and face, and put on some decent clothes to go to the Easter Pagent and Anne's (my older sister Petrea's landlord/best friend) church. The presentation was given in the JOY DOME.
At the Joy Dome, I heard a huge Baptist choir sing (many times off key). I heard the people praise Jesus. At the Joy Dome, I heard people say, "Amen!" and mean it seriously. At the Joy Dome, I heard a pastor say this awkward sentence: "Why would the just make such a sacrifice for the unjust? So that the unjust can become just, becasue He is a just God." Through out the pagent, there was shifty old lady sitting in the corner of the stage. According to my sister Megan, the guy they had play Jesus was, "So gay," (and she did not mean happy). At the Joy Dome, part of Handle's Messiah was mangled. At the Joy Dome, I was asked to pray for Jesus to enter into my heart, because sin had come into the world and seperated us all from the Lord.
It was a nice building and all...and I'm sure that the people attending that church are all very nice and have great faith in what they are told there. All the same, I do not think I'll be going back to the Joy Dome any time soon, despite the fact that Anne is a good friend of both Petrea and the whole family.
Happy Easter.

I burned a bunch of Debbie's cd's, and made a mixed one (which I'm listening to right now...Here Comes the Sun is playing =DDD).
Also, I finished The Chamber, by John Grisham, and of all of the books by him that I've read (I've read several), I think this is the best. At first I thought the name was reffering to a judge's chamber, but it's about the gas chamber...and it's very good. If you are gung-ho about the death penalty, you may not like this book..but then, it may change your mind about it. I was never all that inclined towards the death penalty, but now I don't support it at all.

After going to the Joy Dome and sitting through almost two hours of the Baptist version of Easter, we went to Smokey Bones for dinner, and it took way too long for our food to get there. Of course, it was Saturday night, so it would be busy anyway, but tonight there were large groups of people there to watch The Game (don't ask me which one though...becuse there was something different on almost every TV, and there were a LOT of TV's). J-D supposedly got us in faster because he "Knows people," but I think that we would have had to wait about the same amount of time for a table either way (which was too long) becuase it was so friggin busy.
Long story short ("Too late." XD--Clue reference--), I got underwear for Easter instead of candy, and that's fine with me.

Kchan <((_e)>

sanity was maintained @ 01:02 a.m.

I had a good day, I think. I got to wear one of the ne pairs of pants I got on Tueday, and Debbie says they're really cute, and my mom said I looked really nice.
I got to AMC late because my I had to wash and dry my pants, and I didn't get to that until it was getting to be close to the time to leave becasue I started sorting things in my room, and jsut got carried away and didn't look at the clock. But it didn't matter anyhow, because AMC is being stinky, and checking ID's. Now, this is not a problem for me because I'm eighteen (and my birthday is coming up next month XD!), but there were a lot of people there with me, and not all of them are seventeen or older.
So anyway, we went to Fun Station instead, and I think Trish had a hard time because she's taken a vow of silence (which I made her break, becuase when I kissed her hello, I slipped her some tongue and she was not expecting it XD..), and she isn't sure how long it will last, but I wish her luck.
Harrison and Kristen got water guns...and let's just say that there were several casualties.
Eventually, we got hungry, so we went to Poobliox for food and then ate at Lake Ella, where we then parted ways. I rode with Harrison, Kristen, and Tirsh in Logan's car. He looks a lot older now...I think it's mostly the facial hair (duhhrrr), but also, the basic shape of his face seems different. There was this guy there named Lloyd, and I can't remember where I've seen him before...but I felt like I'd already met him. Oh well.
Milly had her hair cut really short...and so did Kati (the front of her hair is the same, but the back is short, and it's all dyed blueish purpleish greenish..ness...) and Harrison has a sort of mohawk thing going, but it wasn't up or anything. I saw a pic of Trish's mowhawk (how she had it for prom) and it looked really good! =9
Also (not that anyone noticed, because the last time they saw me, my hair was a little longer than this) I had a hair cut, and mom actually took off a good bit. It was getting down to the upper part of my back, you know, just between my shoulder blades, and now it's to the top of my shoulders. I like it long because I can do things with it, but it's bouncier and frames my face better when it's this length.
WELL..Logan dropped us off (all but Trish, because, cool guy that he is, he gave her a ride home) at Kristen's where we all plopped onto her bed. And let me tell you, it was HOT. OH YEAH, BABY! Actually, she lives upstairs and only has a window A/C..so...yeah.
Then Harrison's parents picked him up, and Kristen and I went downstairs and talked with her spiffy mom, and got very sad (I did, anyhow) about their cat Gizmo dying. McGee was sad too, and that just made it sadder...becuase...I don't think there are many things that are more pitiful than a down-hearted bunny. <((_v)> ::petpet of McGee::
SO...........Then Kristen took me home, and we sang along to her Disney cd XDDD
Debbie got a tent that is big enough for the hammock, so when I got home, I talked with her in the hammock, and that was nice, becuase it was cool outside, and the moon was really bright...but then Rudy sprayed on the side of the tent, and I jumped up to kick him so he's stop...and Debbie almost fell out of the hammock XDDD Oh, man...that was hilarious. She sounds so funny when she screams like that..
Then Bonnie IM'ed me, thinking I was Renee...and I found that amusing, too. And then she told me that she might be getting married, and my brain fell out of my ear. I'm happy for her, but...she's so young. A lot of relationships that you have as a highschooler don't last...and to top it off, her fiance is going into the Marines in July, and he'll be gone for three years.
WELL, I'd like to go to the wedding, if it happens. It'll be a Wiccan handfasting ritual (it won't be a legal wedding becuase there won't be a notary, and for handfastings to be recognized as legal by the state, a notary has to be present), and I'd like to go..becuase A) It's Bonnie's wedding, B) I've never been to a handfasting ritual and I think it sounds like it'd be nice, and C) It's Bonnie's wedding, and I'll support her choices...unless she goes insane and kills people or something...but she'd never do that, so..yeah.
Yep. That was my day.
Oh yeah. Will (Cummings...not the one I have linked) actually said more than five words to me in IM's. If you've ever talked to him online, you know that this is quite an amazing occurance.
I'm going to bed now.
The End.

-Kchan

sanity was maintained @ 03:10 a.m.

Yes..another Coldplay song...because I'm in love with that band now.
An apology of sorts...

I think I might have overstepped the bounds a little in the vamp rp. I was really sick of the way Lina's characters were getting all of this damage, and they were just shrugging it off. I understand that they can heal themselves, but...I don't care how powerful you are, if you get ripped up like Kei did, you aren't just going to heal yourself instantly and then overpower the person that just slashed you, especially if you just had to heal yourself because some one else just severed all of the veins in your neck.
I don't know...I'm just so anal about that kind of thing. I understand that this is a fantasy rp, but even fantasy stories try to keep it realistic and believable.
I do realize now that it was a bit childish to take out my frustrations by having Nova mimick Kei and bite her. But I just didn't really see any other way out of the situation. No matter what Demi or Nova did, Kei recovered instantly and was back in action, and I doubt that Nova could have hit Kei hard enough to knock her out unless she morphed her arm so it was all muscular, and if I did that, I would laugh my butt off because it would be so ridiculous. I mean, here's this barefooted woman who has a vampire on top of her, and suddenly she has this big, beefy arm, and she hits the vampire with her big hand, and knocks her out. I just...think that's silly.
Also, I had Nova think some rather descriminatory things about vampires' blood. But, that's just...what I would think if I suddenly had a mouthful of stolen blood, and I already had an aversion to blood in the first place.
But I guess that's only a minor point, because vampires don't exist, and neither do shape-shifters.
I realize it wasn't a very nice thing to do. But it was the only thing I could think of, and I know that Lina doesn't mean for Kei to seem indestructable, but that's how she seemed to me. I mean, I'd get a bit mad if some one did that to one of my characters..but...I guess I just hope that Lina doesn't take this thing very seriously, because, while Kei is something that Lina took out of her head and put into the world through art and writing, and that's something very special...she's not real. None of these characters actually exist.

Two for the price of one!

SO. I guess I should give you guys an update, seeing as how I actually did something.
On Saturday, I walked a mile with Leslie and McKinley (he was in a stroller, you goober) for the March of Dimes, and even though I wasn't sponsored or anything, I felt really good about it. I got to know Leslie better, and I supported something I believe in.
But something bothered me...
While Leslie and I were waiting for the walk to start, these two people with sandwich boards were handing out papers and shouting, "The March of Dimes kills animals!" and stuff like that. The sandwich boards were covered with pictures of monkeys that had been used as test subjects to see what causes premature births and stuff, and the papers they handed out had the same sort of things on them.
I know that the animals suffer. I know that it's cruel. But which would you rather save...a monkey, or a baby?
After that, Debbie and I went to Low's and got stuff for the front yard, and we got....A HAMMOCK!! 8DD
It is so comfortable...
ALSO, while I was gone, my mom sorted all of my stuff into boxes so I could go through them...which means........MY ROOM IS CLEAN!!!! ::VWANANADUNDUNDUUN::
On Satuday night, Timmy got out, and mom forgot he was outside, and...well...he spent the night outside.
My mom drove all over the neighborhood, and didn't find him. But then Debbie saw him all the way over on Van Delia (which will mean nothing to those of you who have never been to my house), and she got out of her car, and called him, but he started to slink away all shifty..because he's a very shifty cat..and she hurded him towards our house...which I thought was amusing when she told me..and later that afternoon, I was outside, feeling very depressed because I didn't think I'd ever see him again. But then I started to get the feeling that I should go to the side of the house and look for him, and I did...and I saw him throught the fence, which means he got into the back yard. I ran through the house and shouted, "He's in the back yard!" like a crazed idiot at my parents (who were eating lunch at the table) and my mom and I went and brought him into the house.
I gave him a bath, because he was very dirty...and then he payed me back by sleeping on my bed while he was still soggy. But at least he smells like strawberries now.
I'll post about A Clockwork Orange later, because I think that's more than enough for now...

-Kchan

sanity was maintained @ 10:25 p.m.

You will live in House.
You will drive a Green Jeep Cherokee.
You will marry Trish and have 1 kids.
You will be a Bum in Portland, Oregon.

XDD

sanity was maintained @ 09:50 p.m.

I feel so open and.....full. I feel like I have all of these words in my head, and if I could only get them out, and put them in the right order, they could be so beautiful and touching. They could make some one feel better, and getting them out would make me feel better.
At one time in my life, I was very empty. I had to create a world for my English class, and I didn't want to do it. I knew that it would drain me, but I had to make the grade, so I wrote a paper about a utopian society. It hurt me to make it. I felt actual, physical pain as I created this fantasy that I knew I would never be able to describe properly, let alone make it real. I have been told that I'm a good writer, but the world I saw...I will never be able to share it with another person, and it hurt me to make it. I can see all of the colors, the people, the plants and animals. I'm not sure why I'm even thinking about it now...maybe I need to read it again. Maybe I need to post it here, or publish it or something. I keep all of my rants and the poetry I write when I'm full of emotion on a disk, and I show it to no one. Maybe I should.
Maybe what Louis said is getting to me...maybe I have to get a site and at first, I won't give any information about myself other than what I write. Then later on I'll put up stuff in the margins like I have on this site, when I'm comfortable with sharing so much of myself. After all, posing nude with a mask is better than hiding your whole body for your entire life.
I want to be a photographer all of the sudden. I don't know why. I think it's the rain and the music.
I think I need to get away. I need to learn to drive, and get myself a car. I need to drive myself, because I don't think anyone else is going to. But I want to try and find myself, and when I do, I want some one to be there with me. In case you are completely thick-headed and can't tell, I have this aversion to being alone. I have no trouble doing it for awhile, but I'm so terrified that I'll end up alone that I feel more comfortable when there's some one with me. Maybe it's because I grew up in a small house with eight other people in it, and I've become unable to be alone for too long. Maybe I just need to know that some one that cares about me is within walking-distance, or I forget that I'm worth anything and just want to stop existing.
Or maybe I'm melodramatic and have too much time on my hands.
Whatever it is, I feel like typing something. Anything. I want to just let the words come. I'll do it in Word, though. I'm not ready to pose just yet.
-Kchan <((_-)>

sanity was maintained @ 01:18 p.m.

Here I am posting again. Isn't it sad that I have nothing else to do? I'm almost done with that book now, but I looked out of my window and I had to sit on the porch and watch the sky. I needed to feel the cold concrete underneath me, and look at the clouds cry.
I love this kind of weather, but it makes me lonely and sort of sad. I love the way the air is crisper; cleaner than usual. It feels cleaner and more pure.
The air is cold, and I know that it would be colder if I stood out in that gentle rain and let it fall on me. But I also know that it would be good to stand under that grey sky and just let the raindrops patter down on me, as if the clouds were crying softly because they know how I feel, and they know that even though it would be cold, it would feel so beautiful...
I can see myself standing out under those clouds, and just letting the rain fall. I'll let it drip onto my face and shoulders, roll down my cheeks like tears. I'll let it fill my hands and glide down my body. I'll let it gather in my hair, and I won't mind it. I'll get cold, and I'll start to shiver, but I'll keep standing out in that rain. Maybe I'll lie down on my back under a tree, on the grass and the leaves and the pine needles, and I'll just let it fall, just because I like the way the sky looks against the branches and leaves.
I'll let the sky weep over me, and each raindrop will be all of the kisses and touches that I never received. And then, when I feel better; when the rain stops and I want to be warm again, I'll come inside and he'll be there waiting for me with a blanket, because he's been out there too. He knows that I'm tired, and happy, and cold. He knows just to hold me for a long time until I'm warm again. He knows to wipe the rain and the tears from my face with caresses and kisses, because when it rains again, we'll stand under the sky together, and it won't hurt to cry anymore, because we'll never be alone under that grey sky again, and it will feel so good.
And when we go inside, the clouds will fade into white, and the sky will turn blue.
-Kchan

sanity was maintained @ 12:39 p.m.

My back hurts, I feel sick, and I've been sitting at this computer way too long.
I had a crazy nightmare last night. I don't really remember most of it, but I know that I was really freaked out when I woke up.
I just took my night medicine a little while ago, and even though it was only a few hours late I already feel like I'm in withdrawal. It starts with my stomach and my head. I get cramps and then I get nauseas. Then there are the hot and cold flashes, the shaking, and the irrational fear and paranoia that make me glad that some one else is in the house. I don't know what I'm afraid of, but I know that I feel this fear when I'm alone. When I feel this way, I want to take the person(s) who made this crapforbrains anti-depressant by the shoulders and shake them as hard as I can while screaming at them for putting such a terrible product on the market.
Luckily, I'm going to see my doctor tomorrow, and I will calmly tell him how much I hate this medicine, and ask him to give me gradually smaller doses so I don't have to feel like this ever again. Ever. I don't want to feel like some one with paranoid schizophrenia and a high fever anymore. It isn't worth it, and I'm still depressed half of the time, so the stupid thing isn't even doing its job.
I have a massage today at four. I hope I feel better by then. Another thing I hate about being like this is that I never know when I'll feel better. It could be right after the Effexor hits my bloodstream, or it could be several hours later.
I actually had something good to say, but I feel so craptacular that I forgot what it was.
Hm.
I wish I had a Schlotskfjiefoijae sandwhich...
Why can't I remember what it was I wanted to say?
-Kchan

sanity was maintained @ 08:00 a.m.

My email is down, and it sucks because...I emailed people, and now I can't check to see if they responded or not. I did pretty well with staying awake yesterday. I finally went to bed at around one or two (I'd been up since eleven the previous night), and then mom woke me up to go see Russ and Leslie's new place. It was really nice, and a lot bigger than the old one. They still have a lot of moving in to do, and the change has made McKinley a bit clingy and fussy, but that's okay. He's only a year old, so that's allowed.
We stopped at Baskin Robbins, and the when we got back home I read for awhile and then fall asleep after mom brought me my emotional modificator, and I woke up again around two-forty. How very exciting.
I missed these two shows on the History Channel that I really wanted to see...one was called Conquest, and in it the people on the show learn how to do stuff like, jousting or bull-riding, and in the last one they learned how to fight like the Musketeers. First they learned how they fought as portrayed by the movies, and then they learned ho to actually fight. Then, the people compete with each other, and..it's...really informational..and...if you're a dork like me, you'd really like it. I saw one where they learned how to fight in different suits of armor, and one where each of them learned a different style of gladiatorial combat (they even had a gladiatrix, and she kicked a lot of their butts XD). And they had one with chariot racing.... The other show was about angels, when they started to show up in stories, the good and bad ones, and stories about them from different cultures, and I thought it would be cool to see how other countries viewed them and stuff like that...I dunno. I'm just a nerd I guess.
Mayn. Now I want some Nerds...

-Kchan, only...hungry <((_s)>

sanity was maintained @ 03:53 a.m.

Strong, Silent, Baddie-buster
Find out what anime character cliche you are.

..O..kay...

Find out what anime series you belong in.

ROCK MY FRIGGIN SOCKS OFF!!!

Take the Anime Sountrack Quiz

I don't really remember the music to that...I only saw it once...

Bad-ass, Street Fighting Chick
What Video Game Hero Are You?

I don't think I've ever played her...

Butterfly Girl
What character from a creepy anime are you?

Butterflies are creepy..?

I think that's enough for now.

sanity was maintained @ 03:25 a.m.

The picture in the quiz was screwing up my margins, and I didn't say anything in that post anyway, so I deleted it. But here's a quiz I stole from Joel's blog:

1. What CD have you forgotten about and then recently remembered you love so much? Simple Things by Zero 7
2. What was the last thing that reminded you of someone and who did it remind you of? You have terrible grammar...
4. What is the most depressing song ever? YOU'RE a depressing song...
5. What kinds of things are you planning on doing this summer? Why? Are you going to stalk me?
6. What kind of punctuation mark is your least favorite? That's a rather personal question, don't you think?
7. What do you think is the best way to get a date? ...I hate you.
8. What kind of sections is your buddy list divided up into? What?
9. What are some of your favorite music videos? MTV and VH1 suck.
10. What do you think your bestest friends are doing right now? Most of them are probably sleeping.
11. What was the last good thing you ate? Well, seeing as how I don't eat bad things, the last thing I ate was a bowl of "Lightly Sweetened" Multi-Grain Cheerios.
12. Have you, or do you think you'll ever be able to trust anyone enough to tell them every single one of your secrets? I don't know.
13. Who do you think would cry if they ever read your journal? You read my journal?! ::DESTROY::
14. What's the last CD you listened to? Parachutes by Coldplay.

01. Name? Which one?
02. D.O.B. 05/14/1984
03. Location? Wouldn't you like to know?
04. Religion? Sorta Mormonish...
05. Occupation? You mean, you know where I can get one?

APPEARANCE: 01. Hair? Yes, I have it.
02. Eyes? Two.
03. Height? Do you want it in pounds or kilos?
04. Skin tone: white girl colored
05. Figure? Wow! You're making me into an action figure?!

STYLE:
01. Clothing? Yes, I wear it.
02. Music? Anything I feel like listening to.
03. Body art? What about it?

RIGHT NOW:
01. Wearing? You ARE stalking me, AREN'T YOU?
02. Listening to? Nothing. The CD is over.
03. Thinking of? Well that's silly. I can't take a quiz and think of something else at the same time.
04. Feeling? Testy. Ha. Ha. Ha.

LAST THING YOU...
01. Bought? I payed for the movies I rented with my friends...does that count?
02. Did? Um..started taking this quiz...
03. Ate & drank? Cereal..and..then the milk left over from the cereal...
04. Read? I'm in the process of reading Robinson Crusoe.
05. Watched on TV? I think it was something on the History Channel...

EITHER / OR
01. Club or house party? I've never been to a club.
02. Tea or coffee? Tea, if it's herbal. I don't drink coffee.
03. High achiever or easygoing? It depends.
04. Beer or cider? Cider. If there's no cocoa.
05. Drinks or shots? Well, I'd rather have a drink than a shot, but I don't remember when my last flu shot was...maybe I should call my doctor...
06. Cats or dogs? Both.
07. Single or taken? =insert cricket noise= I'm going to kill you when this is over.
08. Pen or pencil? Pencil. A mechanical one. So I can stab you to death with it.
09. Gloves or mittens? Neither, numbnuts, I live in Florida.
10. Food or candy? Food.
11. Cassette or CD? Why? Are you going to give me some?
12. Snuff or cigarettes? =more cricket sounds=
13. Coke or Pepsi? Pepsi. With cherry flavoring in it.
14. Hard or mild alcohol? ::picks up mechanical pencil::
15. Matches or a lighter? Either.
16. Sunset beach or the Bold and the Beautiful? I'm not even going to answer that.
17. Ricki Lake or Oprah Winfrey? Dork.

WHO DO YOU WANT TO...
01. Kill? You. Duh.
02. Shag? ...::scoots closer to Trish:: Hey, baybee...
03. Slap? No, I don't think she'd do that...she might laugh, though.
04. Hear from? Any of my friends.
05. Get really wasted with? ......dumbass.
06. Tickle? I don't really tickle people...
07. Look like? I dunno..
08. Be like? Myself.

Faves:
01. Food? How long IS this thing?
02. Drink? Liquids that aren't poisonous
03. Color? Purple
04. Album? That one by that band..you know..with that song...
05. Shoes? ::shrug::
06. Site? The one at that address...
07. Dance? Well, there's this jig that Strong Bad does...
08. Song? I don't know.
09. Vegetable? lettuce
10. Fruit? I don't know.
11. Berry? Boisen

LAST PERSON YOU
12. Touched? I just scratched my arm...does that count?
13. Talked to? Well, I was talking to Hchan in IM's, but the last person I talked with out loud was mom.
14. Hugged? mom
15. Instant messaged? Hchan
16. Kissed? ::single tear:: v.v go away.
17. Had a crush on? I said, go away!
17b. Do you still have a crush on them? No. And I'm still going to kill you.
18. Who broke your heart? You want the whole list?

WHERE DO YOU
19 Eat? ..where ever I am...when I'm eating...
20. Dance? where ever I am when I'm dancing..
21. Cry? ...do you really want me to repeat that?
22. Wish you were? Pretty much anyplace but here.

Number of times I have been in love: I don't know.
Number of times I have had my heart broken: As many times as I've been in love. I'm pretty much one big broken heart.
Number of hearts I have broken: I don't think I've broken any..
Number of boys I have kissed in my life: Three, that I can think of right now.
Number of girls I have kissed: uhh..::counting::I can think of six right now, but I know I'm leaving some one out...
Number of continents I have visited: Does it count if I've been to Canada?
Number of drugs taken illegally: One. It was dumb, and I don't do it anymore.
Number of people I would classify as true, could trust with my life type friends: Once again, your grammar is terrible.
Number of CD's that I own: a lot.
Number of piercings: I got my ears pierced when I was twelve, but I don't wear earrings very often.
Number of tattoos: none
Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper: I don't think that it has..
Number of scars on my body: a whole lot.
Number of people that has made me scared of what they could do to me physically: .....I think the work you want is HAVE.
Number of things in my past that I regret: Too many. And now I'm going to kill you. Which I will regret, so add one to that list.

Geeze, that was long.

-Kchan <((_o)>

sanity was maintained @ 01:35 a.m.

I never knew that you were so sad. I never knew that you were silent because you had nothing to say. I never knew it because when you did say something, it was so wonderfully funny or right. I wish I had known. You said you had no secrets, but I'm not so sure. How many of us really know the reason you said nothing?

-Kchan <((_v)>

sanity was maintained @ 11:54 p.m.

I know I posted around five, but...I have nothing better to do at seven on a Sunday morning...when I haven't been to bed yet. I mean, would you?
So Debbie's in the shower, and she wants me to listen for Kim to come to the door, but I don't want to. Because I'm not wearing any pants. I mean, I have this nice flannel sheet around my waist...but...I don't think that's quite the same thing.
I tried doing the spacing between paragraphs in my blog like I do in posts in the rp's because Hchan says it's easier to read, but...I don't really like it too much. If the spaces weren't so wide, I might like it more...but whatever. Also, I don't like how far down the posts are from the title...so yeah.
I found my journal from when I was twelve and I read it. I can honestly say that, while my spelling has improved, my handwriting hasn't gotten much better. Also, I'm pretty sure I'm not as much of a dork as I was then. Man, I look back on the things I felt, and the things I was going through and how I handled them, and I wonder if I would have reacted differently if those things had happened now. I noticed that one thing hasn't changed much, and that's the same complaint I usually have, so I won't bother to mention it. Can you believe that I actually said, "heck" then, and used it seriously, the way I do when I say, "hell" now? It completely boggles my mind, the differences I see in myself, and they took place over such a short time...I mean, six years is not that long when you tink about it. It only feels that way sometimes.
I need to get to the gym. I feel so out of it all the time. When I was doing the weight training, I really did feel much better. Debbie's out of the shower. Good. I didn't have to apologize for being too lazy to wear pants.
I think I should learn to make clothes really well, and then design clothes. I think I would do a much better job than some of the crap-for-brains out there. I was channel surfing, and my finger froze when I got to the fashion channel, because the things I saw...uhguhghhgghuhhhh. No one would wear clothes like that in public. They wouldn't even wear it to a costume party. Those designers should be shot for having crap-for-brains. Hm. Something tells me I've been watching too much Strong Bad.
Have you ever been too tired to eat, but you can't sleep because you're so hungry that your stomach hurts?
I want to make a Strong Bad related quiz.
My incoherence is increasing at a dangerous rate, so I think I should...stop posting and try to go to bed. Mom'll be upset that I was up so early. I'm hungry...I should eat something. I think I want more Skettios...but some cheese grits would be really good right now...or, actually, I just got the most random craving for salmon casserole...hmm..
-Kchan...who can't think of an appropriate face to use right now...GEEZE!! Why does Debbie have to wear so much perfume!! Or is that her lotion? It stinks up the whole house! I mean, it smells nice, but in SMALL amounts!! Wiat, I signed my name so...yeah. Holy crap I need to go to bed.

sanity was maintained @ 07:08 a.m.

Some One Drive Me
Some one drive me…let me get my money from the bank, and we’ll put our clothes in the trunk, CD’s in the backseat with the junk-food and drinks, and we’ll drive. I’ll lean the seat back and sleep, or read, or maybe we’ll talk and I’ll just watch the sky through the windows.
Some one drive me…all across the country, and maybe to Canada or Mexico. We’ll stay in cheap motels or sleep in the car. We can pack camping gear for when the weather is nice and we’ll count stars until we fall asleep. We’ll eat at diners and cheap drive-thru’s and gas stations. We’ll become closer as friends and take stupid pictures of each other.
Some one drive me…I’ll read my books out loud, and do silly voices for all the characters. I’ll draw and write and think. You’ll teach me to drive without being afraid. We’ll sing all of our favorite songs as loud as we can, and when a car gets close to us we’ll turn the bass up until we can feel the vibrations through out our whole bodies, until our hearts match rhythm with the beat of the music. Or until the car drives away.
Some one drive me…we’ll get a morning paper every now and then, and we’ll look for garage sales, so we can maybe sell something to pay for another tank of gas so we can keep driving, or maybe to see if we can find a cool poster for your wall. If creepy guys check us out while we’re in a diner we’ll kiss, or pick our noses so they can see, and then one of us will pretend to have Turrets while the other pretends to steal sugar packets or the bottle of steak sauce.
Some one drive me…we’ll take pictures of bikers whenever they pass us, and we'll do the evil fingers at them. When we go into gas stations to pay for gas or get some food we’ll speak with funny accents and make faces at the clerks when they aren’t looking, and when they turn around we’ll laugh like lunatics and drive away.
Some one drive me…before it’s too late to go. Some one leave with me before I have second thoughts and the moment passes. Some one run away with me for a while. Some one drive me before I drive myself insane.

-Kchan <((_))>

sanity was maintained @ 05:34 a.m.

My skin is so soft right now. I used that apricot scrub my mom got me, and it got all the dead skin cells off, and now I want some one to touch me.

Sometimes, I wonder why I even bother.

So I read Rob's post the other day, and he said exactly what I've been thinking to myself: Why post if nothing happened, and just how much can I put here? What do I delete before I click the "done!" button? Sometimes I'll post, and it will be so personal that I don't want anyone to read it, so I copy it to my zipdisk and post something else. Why have a blog if you're going to censor yourself? I dunno...maybe I should learn to make my own layouts and get another site, just to put all my thoughts and feelings on without giving any information about myself....I dunno. That's kinda like half-assing it, though. It's like posing naked, but wearing a mask.

I looked up censor in the dictionary to make sure I was spelling it right, and one of the definitions was, "A hypothetical psychic agency that represses unacceptable notions before they reach consciousness." I wonder if it really exists? And if so, is it stronger in some people than in others, and that's why some people are so repressed and closed minded, while others are totally opposite? It certainly makes sense...

Hm.

I'm reading Robinson Crusoe, by Daniel Defoe, and it has some good things in it, but it also has some tedious parts. You guys should try it, though. He makes some excellent points.

I'm sure I have a lot more to say, but...I don't feel like saying right now. I'm too discontented with myself to type anything else.

-Kchan <(())>

Dark shines; Bringing me down; Making my heart feel sore; 'Cause it's good

sanity was maintained @ 05:52 p.m.

Who's Your Anime Girlfriend?

If you read the description, you'll know why I like Hchan so much. XD

What Forest Creature Are You?

::HEAD EXPLODES:: WOOHOOOO!!

Yeah, I took a bunch of the other quizes, and had them up a few days ago, but only for a few hours. I didn't have anything else to say, and so...I took them down. Also, I didn't know who more than half of the characters were. But it made my head pop when I got Vampire Princess Miyu as the anime style I would be! I got Cleff as my anime boyfirend, and I wondered who my girlfriend would be...so...there you go. Lain. And it explains why I enjoy Hchan's company. XDDD
Yeah, so I didn't do much today. Just chores and such. But I think I'm addicted to Coldplay ::eyeshift:: At least I'm addicted to something...not..bad.....
I feel so lazy when I'm at home. All I really do is sleep. It almost makes me miss being in school. Almost. ::grin::
No, if anything, I miss my friends. I also miss some of the teachers, but I like not having to worry about homework and classwork...I like not having to think about what I'm going to wear, if that shirt is clean, and where are those pants? I hated that! I also don't like having to wear my contacts every day. It dried my eyes out...
Anyway, I feel like I should...get out of the house and do something. Also, when Debbie moves out, I think that Hchan should move in with me, so THAT MAN will...not have an aneurysm and bitch about Hchan not doing anything...because my mom would MAKE her do things...::shudders in fear at the Wrath of Mom:: Yeah, in this house, you either get a job and pay rent, or you get a job and do housework...or you just do housework because you have this complicated Catch-22 thing going on...bleh.
I hope that Luna posts in the mech rp. I really want to post again, but I just posted, and she's pretty behind...so yeah.
That's about it.
-Kchan <((_*)>

sanity was maintained @ 12:49 a.m.

I spent the weekend at Hchan's, and it was nice. We met Harrison for Chinese and walked around a bit until his parents came to get him...I think that was Friday...and on Saturday we rented Addams Family Values and Feardotcom.
Feardotcom we got to make fun of, and it wasn't...very good, but the dvd was screwed up, so we only got to see a little more than half of it, and even thoguh it wasn't very good, I still wanted to see how it came out. It's like this horrid comic that Hchan and I were reading together. The art was mostly decent, but the story was terrible. But despite the lack of a good story line, we couldn't stop reading it...that's kind of how it was with Feardotcom.
Hchan's mom rocks my socks. I had some good talks with her, when she came to pick me up, and when she took me home.
Bloogidybloo....I can't remember what it was I was going to say...so I'm going to end it here. =p
-Kchan <((_o)>

sanity was maintained @ 09:52 p.m.

Kristen and Trish came over, and we watched Shallow Hal. And...I love Jack Black. He is awesome. The movie made me want to listen to Tenacious D...::CACKLE:: XDD when we went to drop Trish off at the bookstore and then back to my house, we listened to DMX!
Kristen dropped me off and went home, and now I'm talking to her and to Anthony on AIM.
Yep.
Oh, there were two previous posts......but I deleted them. Because they served no purpose. The first was me babbling about something McKinley did, which was really only cute if you were there to see it, and the second was just a bunch of quizes.
I can hear Debbie talking to mom about stuff she got at the store. It makes me want a job even more, because then I'd have money. I was a dollar short (again...I was short a dollar at Hot Topic, when I got my Flogging Molly cd) when we were at the counter to rent the movies, but Kristen gave me a dollar (she did it last time too..::huggles Kristen::..). It was wierd, because the total was .43 and I had EXACTLY .43 with me...so I have NO money at all now; not even change.
Bleh. It's such a helpless feeling, being broke, and not knowing how to drive....I have to depend on everyone else, and I have to do it just when I should be learning to REALLY take care of myself.
My head hurts...I should try to get some sleep tonight, because I'm supposed to get up at 10 to go to the beach with Debbie, Ben, and Diana...but I dunno if I'll go. I've just been so tired lately.
I wanted to establish better relationships between the characters in the rp, but...I guess Matt didn't want to wait any more for the action...or to let Luna react to my last post....hmm.
I'm not quite sure what to do next. I mean, Matt is good, but it's sort of confusing. I should probably read it again when I'm not so sleepy.
I'm going to take my contacts out now...
-Kchan <(o_<)>

sanity was maintained @ 10:19 p.m.

Well, mom did...something...and worked things out so I didn't have to go with her, because I was pretty much dead to the world when she got home. Seriously, I slept all day. I didn't even get up to eat until 9:30pm, which is...just horrible.
I got online and talked to people, and...I'm gonna maybe have Kristen and Trish over for girlie stuff. Hchan can't come, though. v.v
I really want to post in the rp's, so everyone needs to go post. Hchan and I were like, "Fsjk!" because we both wanted to post, but we've already taken turns...so we have to wait. Y_Y
Debbie got this thingy with twelve (well...actually, four were gone, but it HAD twelve) cupcakes in it home! They aren't Poobliox cupcakes, but they're still cupcakes. And I'm goig to make..::eyeshift to Kristen::...BRONIES tomor--::looks at the time:: later today. So yeah.
I need to clean the house, and one of the things I need to do is the bathroom, and mom told me that I could do that if I couldn't sleep tonight, but it's RIGHT next to Debbie's room...so...yeah.
I'd like to at least get a little more sleep so I can get up later today and do things, because mom really needs me to help her. She's sicker than she thought, and I don't want her to do anything that might make it take longer for her to get better. ::huggles mom::
Well, that's about it.
-Kchan <((_6)>

sanity was maintained @ 02:05 a.m.

Do you guys remember those Spin-N-Say things? I do.
Yeah, I'm really tired right now. I would have slept all night, but I had to go to the bathroom around three, and I couldn't get back to sleep. I made some cocoa and got to drink most of it myself because everyone else was asleep, but that's pretty much the only good thing. ::sigh::
I have to go with mom to Dr. Hansen's (our chiropractor) office at three, and I don't even have an appointment. How stinky is that?! I have to watch McKinley while she's having her adjustment. But I guess she needs it more than I do, because she's been coughing so hard I wouldn't be surprised if she knocked something out of alignment. Also, she's been sleeping on the couch because dad hasn't been using his "C-Pap" machine...thing...which helps him to stop snoring. But his alergies have been screwing up his breathing or something, and the C-Pap has been drying his eyes out. So yeah. And on top of that, mom is in the early stages of pneumonia, or however you spell it, and she has to take these huge pills that make her even sicker. ::pet of mom::
I'm not really looking forward to having to go someplace right now. I mean, if I can get some more sleep, I'll be fine, but I'm just really tired, and I don't know if I'll be awake in time to get up and get ready to go with mom. Bleh. McKinley's been a jerk lately, too.
I had a big paragraph here that was all pesimistic crap, so I deleted it. Huzzah!
I'm going to go to bed now.
-Kchan <((_z)>

sanity was maintained @ 08:46 a.m.

Yeah, so I think that Batalha is gonna rock once things start happening. I like the potential in Lorelei's character, and I think that might be the reason that I like the posts I've done as her better than the ones I've done as Nova, because I'm not quite sure what to do with Nova once she does or doesn't find what she's looking for...
I also think that it's sort of funny that the name of the mech rp is Batalha Nova, which means battle maiden in Portuguese...and that my character in the vampire rp is named Nova. It means something else in Hopi, which is what Nova is...but...nevermind.
Bleh. Hchan forgot her medicine, so she feels icky V.V ::pet of Hchan...even though she is in the other room playing FFX because she's currently frustrated with Xenosaga...(which is an awesome game, by the way)...looks to Matt...:: We wanted to go to Kristen's, but Hchan's stomach was really upset, and Loran, Liane, and Ian were coming over...and I really miss them because I only see them twice a month...and that might be a lot to some people, but my family is really close-knit, so...yeah. I think it might have something to do with the fact that I see McKinley almost every weekday, but I only get to see Ian every other Saturday, and I'd like to have something to do with his life too...
I feel kinda gross right now, but I haven't had a lot to eat today, and I haven't been eating very well lately, so I'm gonna go...eat a vegetable or something. e.e

-Kchan, <((_x)>

sanity was maintained @ 04:41 p.m.

Philosophy

Which Ben Folds(Or Ben Folds Five) Song Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

8D!!! YAAAAYY!!

And that's about it...
-Kchan, <((_~)>

sanity was maintained @ 11:25 p.m.

I think I'm doing alright in the rp's...my last post in the vampire rp was sorta...lacking...but there wasn't much I could do, you know?
Apparently, Harrison's mom just...carries random cd's in her bag. I wanna be just like her when I grow up! XD
Yeah, but Harrison's parents are really cool. I don't know Kristen's as well, but they seem cool too. From the conversations I've had, they're really nice.
I wanna be the guy in the background of Another Bag of Bricks that screams, "YYEEEEEAAAAAAEEEEEAAAAAAAHHH!!!" every time they (Flogging Molly) sing the chorus...because it seems like it would be fun just to scream, "YEAH!" all drawn out the way he does...
And that's about it....Oh, Batalha Nova started...and if mech rp's interest you, we could always use more characters...so...give one of us (me, Hchan, Luna, or Matt) a holler, and we'll look over your resume.
-Kchan <((_~)>

sanity was maintained @ 09:42 p.m.

I think I'm gonna be sick.
I feel so crappy right now.
Not only that, but this chair is really uncomfortable. I would be sitting in my USUAL uncomfortable chair, but McKinley grabbed my soda while I was off being ill, and dumped the entire thing into the seat. We had to spray it with Resolve, and then use the hose on it...
I've been sleeping off and on today. Nothing else, really. Maybe I should...change my diet?
Hm. Some one needs to post on the vampire rp. Although, I don't feel much like posting.
That last post in my blog is completely insane. I should...delete it or something. Because it's just so weird.
I don't think I should drink passion fruit juice ever again.
-Kchan <((_v)>

sanity was maintained @ 12:08 a.m.

Some one kiss me. No, seriously. I'm delicous. I'm drinking this Welch's Passion fruit stuff, and even though it smells like it would be really bitter and sour, it's sweet and smooth, and it has this...cool flavor (or flavour, if you're Brittish...or Bonnie =D ). Cool as in temperature, not cool as in spiffy. And since I'm drinking it after I completed my oral hygene regemine, my mouth is outstandingly delicious, so some one needs to kiss me.
Also, I needs tuh get me suhm, know what Ahm sayn?
My hair smells good too.
Take THAT, unattentive male populaion! Booyah!
-Kchan, only a little more hyper...and maybe a little horny. I think it's the passion fruit. I'm going to go to all the sites of friends who have tagboards......and lick them (My friends, not the tagboards that is).....<((_6)>

sanity was maintained @ 04:10 a.m.

Why am I awake?
Seriously, why am I not sleeping right now?
No. I don't know either.
I watched The Road to Perdition and I really liked it. It was really sad, but it was very good. Tom Hanks doesn't look that good with a mustache, though.
I had a semi-arguement with Hchan about the rp, but she pointed out something (it should have been obvious to me, but I was...aggitated...to say the least) that I could do, and I'm pretty sure that my post was okay. Hchan liked it, anyhow.
It's much harder than I thought. I mean, if it was enough of a block to make me upset with Hchan, then...yeah.
I got really mad tonight, but not really at Hchan. I don't know why I was mad, because it was after I'd calmed down about the rp and posted, but...I just got so frustrated and upset that I cried.
I think...I think it might be because I probably won't make it to church today, and when I go, I get this...sense of peace. I feel like I'm actually worth something. When I go, I feel happy, and I'm...I guess you could say my mind is at ease, but that isn't quite right. I can't describe it.
But since I'm awake and it's 6:30, I doubt I'll be able to go at 1' because it's highly likely that my body and mind will have given out and I'll be unconcious.
Also, it might be because I'm so mad at Megan and Robert for getting stoned with Brandy. I know there's no way that Brandy would stop...but I thought that Robert didn't like it, and that Megan didn't do it anymore.
I said no this time, and I'm proud of myself for that. But I love my sister and her husband, and I know that pot is stupid. I don't like to think of them doing stupid things like that. They want to have children, and I don't want my possible nephew or niece around that.
I don't care what anyone who does smoke pot thinks. It is stupid and addictive. The only people who have told me that it isn't addictive are the ones who smoke it all the time and can't have fun without it. They say that it's like chocolate cake. You don't have to eat the cake...but you want the cake. It's really good cake. And besides...it's only cake.
But it isn't.
In case you're unobservant and didn't notice, I archived, and added a link to the archives under the tagboard. And you'll also notice the message about Batalha Nova. Hchan, Matt, Luna, and I are all in that RP, and when Hchan is done with the page and Matt has done the first post, I'll get the link up. You guys really should check out some of those sites. There's a lot of funny stuff there...depending on your sense of humor, that is.
Oh yeah. I was forced to watch The Sweetest Thing and it had some funny parts, but there were more disturbing parts in it...they were disturbing to me anyway. Also, it has Cameron Diaz, and I don't like her. At all. There was this one song though, that Hchan would have liked.
But that's about it.
-Kchan

sanity was maintained @ 06:41 a.m.