Boring layout that will never be finished by:
Monself

I totally was sick yesterday afternoon and slept until three in the morning instead of going to L'Orange and Liane's house for the family Easter shindig. In my defence, I hadn't been to sleep in a long time, and have been running on maybe three or four hours a day the past few days. Also: having a fever and being on the verge of throwing up most of the time = a valid excuse to cry off of most situations.

In other news, the opening of the student art show went nicely, which I think I forgot to mention. Mom brought McKinley, and Megan followed us there. Mom and McKinley only stayed long enough to see everything, and then left because mom had to come home and start dinner. Megan and I hung around and waited for Melissa, and also saw Kim, Rachel, and Seth.

Haha, I watched most of Untamed Heart tonight. Christian Slater's hair and Marissa (Marisa?) Tomei's clothes made me giggle. And then I remember My Cousin Vinny and wonder how anyone could think that a girl as attractive as that would go out with some one like Joe Pesci's character if he wasn't successful. The world is a shallow place.

I like discovering new things about songs that I hadn't noticed before, especially songs that I've been listening to for a long time. It is an altogether pleasant surprise.

Dad asked me if I was going to do anything else to the three paintings I've finished for my final. "They're awfully dark." Dude, he looked at them in a dark room. There are all kinds of colors in there. Geeze. The bottom of the ocean is a dark place, man.

Seriously.

-K

I have half of my final project for art finished. I'm not as stoked about it as I was this morning, when I started. Mostly it's because I'm second-guessing myself. I've never really completed anything on a scale like this without any help, and I'm not sure that it'll work, or look good, or...not suck. I'm having an increasinly difficult time forgiving Kim for always forgetting things like this. It bothers me, how seldom I see any of my closest friends, and this just goes and shoves it in my face. I really don't accept a person's hair color as a valid excuse for being absent-minded. I refuse to give in to such stereotypes (in serious situations, lol!).

One thing about the internet that bothers me: you can't always tell when some one is being serious or sarcastic, etc.

Went to Osaka for Megan's birthday dinner. I pointed to the bead store next to it and told Megan that we would soon return there, and procure the needed supplies for the making of her birthday present.

After dinner, Melissa got a call from a family member telling her that her niece is in the hospital, for some kind of heart palpitaions. She passed out at the beach, apparently, and is going to see a cardiologist today. Happy Easter?

We then went to Melissa's house for cake and a movie about kids in New York public schools learning to ballroom dance, and then they compete for this giant trophy. Ballroom dancing fifth graders adorable. I am such a girl when I say ridiculous things like that.

There's sushi waiting in the fridge for me to eat it tomorrow. It's pretty awesome, but there wasn't much left because Petrea and I shared it. Osaka, apparently, is a popular place to go for birthdays and before-prom meals.

I keep deleting things. I guess that means it's time to stop.

-K

Art that has nothing to do with Megan's birthday, which is today.

Any time now, the panic will hit.

-K

I think I love The Pillows. Yes. I am fairly certain that I do.

I do not, however, love myspace. It is generally sluggish, and often does not work for me at all, sending messages of the "Cannot Find Server" nature. It has also refused to let me reply to comments on my own page, on the grounds that I am "not friends" with myself. The very cheek of it!

I went ahead and deleted some of the older posts on my greatestjournal. I didn't really...need them anymore, I guess.

Have you ever gained so much pleasure from arching your back that you keep on stretching backwards; you wonder, as your spine pops in a mildly ominous way, if there's a point at which you could break your own back, but you go on stretching anyhow?

Delicious sensation, that. One which, I must admit, causes me to squirm and sigh with pleasure, and then yawn. Stretching so langorously verges on something sexual.

Things like these are what cause Megan to say I was a cat in my previous life.

-K

...What?

I think that's the weirdest thing mom has ever said to me.

Ever.

Do I coconut, indeed!

So, Vanity Fair is possibly taking me the longest to read that any book has taken me for quite some time. And no, it isn't just that most of the other books I've read recently have been shorter (Stephen King = the man of a thousand superfluous adjectives). It's just...slow.

I'm seriously considering scrapping (read "gessoing over" there) the two paintings I've done for my final project, and redoing all of them on my own. I paint...differently when Ljiljana is around than I do when I'm with Kim, or on my own. I just need to get my angst on and knock them all out in a couple of sittings.

As for Math, I felt a vague flutter of success this afternoon as I turned in my test. I think I can do this, guys. That's a very big deal for me.

I've gotten compliments on my latest hairstyle. It's pretty awesome, and Megan brought some product by for me today, so it will be even more fun because now I get to play with it.

Thursday: student art show at TCC.

I'm so stoked.

-K

PS: Here. Have some art.

-K

Awesome haircut. Nap. Babysitting. Cleaning. Feeding the baby while singing along with Bob Marley. Conversation and the consumption of vegetarian sushi and black cherry soda.

Aside from being behind in math and wanting to start over on the Munich painting (and only having three class periods to work on all seven paintings), life is pretty decent, I think.

-K

Dude, what is up with all the art lately?

Strange lack of concern for dad's surgery (which is just as well, since it went perfectly and he's just fine), and make up work in math class today. Then, shopping and dinner with Debbie and Dustin. Petrea and Kim came (seperately, duh) for dinner, too. Hang outs with Kim and Mandy after that. Then, home and art. Now, probably reading or something. General puttering around.

Tomorrow afternoon: the start of yet more art. Only this will be hardcopy (I did not buy those canvases for naught, good sirs and madams).

-K

My brain hurts, and I think something in my computer is broken. I am using dad's at the mo'.

Tim is making sounds in the other room.

I am not entirely comfortable with those sounds, as I am not entirely sure that it is, in fact, Tim making them.

Also, the art show at TCC starts April 13th, and goes until Cinco de Mayo. You know, the art show that will have two pieces of art in it that were made by me? Yes. That one. Opening night is from 6:30 to 8:00, or some such thing.

You should all come and see, 'cause I think Rachel has a photo in it as well. Rachel is a fabulous and kind person, and is also a friend of mine, and I am secretly jealous of her last name, which is Strange.

Or, you can be lazy and go by whenever the TCC Fine Arts building is open and go look.

My teeth hurt, too.

Probably, I should suck it up and do some math now.

-K

But hidden in her files is some more art.

Haha, Nick Cave hates me now.

Seriously though, the last one is for Ashleigh, and possibly a little for Russ, since they likes them the Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds musics.

...I just chewed on my fingernail, and discovered that it had soap underneath it.

A very slightly foamy, "Ugh."

-K

My cousin's lady-friend is having a baby. Yes, the baby is his.

POOL PARTY. MY HOUSE. EIGHT O'CLOCK.

It's strange; I grew comfortable and excited with the thought of him being a father right away, but the thought of him getting married still seems slightly alien. He said if they did decide to get married, it'd be a Vegas kind of thing.

Best of luck and lots of love to them, either way.

I had a dream that Stephen and I went for a walk down by the bridge that goes over the train tracks, which I walk over every time I hoof it home from TCC. I told him about the time that I (unintentionally!) pushed Forrest in front of a bus in Salzburg. I smiled at him, and then things got blurry, and I woke up.

Does this bode well or ill for me? Is it simply the influence of reading all of V for Vendetta before going to sleep? Is there some significance in this at all? Or, is Sigmund right in that sometimes a cigar just a cigar?

Dinner is ready.

I think I'm going to go delete some of my poetry.

-K

Art that you've seen if you've been paying attention, except for the last one.

So tired.

So nauseated.

I don't like chicken wings.

-K

I am alive.

I am congested.

I have finished the painting of my grandma, and I like it.

I am still woefully behind in Math.

I made brownies today.

I'm going to practice making strussel, because when Forrest graduates, he'd better get his butt over here and party, and also so I can make him celebratory strussel.

I mean, some one has to be the designated drinker, and it may as well be him.

I hate to say it, but I don't like Megan's chicken salad.

...We are having Megan's chicken salad for dinner tonight.

Seriously, I'm glad for you. I just don't care to know that particular piece of information at this time, and your conduct throughout our acquaintance has lead me to doubt your sincerity.

Also, you are still a selfish bastard...only now you suck, too. :D

Sometimes I wish you actually read this.

-K

OMG DING LVL 30 I AM HALF WAY THERE, LOL!

Anyway.

Why is front not spelled "frunt"? People always get onto the French for their language quirks (not kwerks), but come on people. English? What's up with that?

While Russ and Leslie did the last of the cleaning at their old place, Loran, Megan, Robert, and I packed three of the four grandkids into some vehicles and went to the Jr. Museum. It was smaller than I remember, which makes sense. I drove Loran's car home, with Loran offering advice and encouragement, and Ian saying, "That turn was scary." and me laughing nervously, but completely agreeing. I am just about comfortable with going thirty miles an hour, but I pushed it up to forty (in a forty-five mile zone), and kept her steady for the most part. Eventually, as we got closer to home and we didn't die, the nausea subsided and my hands stopped sweating. Also, I totally typed the first sentence of this paragraph with my eyes shut. BOOYAH.

Saturday night was okay. We went to Megan and Robert's for hangouts and dinner while Russ and Leslie continued to clean and paint (Loran and Ian went home), and I watched The Corpse Bride with Megan and Robert after Russ and Leslie left with the kids. Well...sort of with Robert. He mostly played WoW.

Then, after learning from the Mythbusters that the scientific name for a fart is "flatus" and that Ben Franklin was a big faker, I came home at around two, and went to bed unable to breathe through my nose.

I am reading a book about Norway, and feeling about the same kind of sickness that I got when I was there (but worse). Some one should bring me some organic Spanish clemintines and A Cactus.

Much as I hate to be asleep during the day, I miss being awake at night, because I pretty much have the house to myself. However. I am rather partial to regular doses of sunlight.

-K

My grandpa's gall bladder was removed recently, on account of its being all full with gangrene. He now has a case of the hiccups that will not go away unless he's thoroughly drugged. He also has a fever. But at least he's out of intensive care? He will be eighty-three in June.

Dad will have surgery to repair the slipped disc (disk?) in his back. Hopefully, he will not run out of sick leave and vacation time before he recovers. He will be sixty-four in four days.

Mom is going to be having cateract replacement something-or-other. She's sixty.

The whole thing makes me feel like everyone I know is old.

Except Wyatt. He turned a year old yesterday.

I have spent the majority of the past few days with shivers and sweats, and prolonged bouts of unconsciousness, and am now coughing. My throat doesn't feel scratchy at the back anymore...but I think that's because of all the snot.

Mom has decided that I am anemic. People who take lots of dried cranberry tend to get like that after a while, and I have been doing just that. She also discovered that you can't skimp on supplements and buy the cheaper ones. When it comes to herbs, you have to be willing to pay well, I guess. Were it not for the local feline population, I would be sorely tempted to try my hand at growing them myself, as gardening has always appealed to me (on a small scale).

Speaking of the local feline population, it is now down by one. My favorite neighbor cat died in our yard a few days ago. I have never met a cat so friendly. I'm glad it wasn't me that found him.

Always, it is my favorite character that dies.

And speaking of characters, I made some more art:

For Heather's birthday.

For Raiy.

For Lina.

-K

I had my first appointment with a lady doctor today. Or, rather, yesterday. We ended up talking to the doctor for half an hour (he was forty-five minutes late) and deciding to schedule an appointment for next month, so he can get some tests run (I think on my thyroid levels?), and do an ultrasound.

During the conversation, I could feel myself starting to shake with nervousness. Shaking to the point where my hend crept up my neck to take hold of it and stop my head from visibly shaking.

Eeeehhhhhhhhgh.

On the bright side, I got doughnuts for breakfast.

Unfortunately, I am still plagued with mysterious and illogical exhaustion. I spend most of the day feeling like I've somehow made Thor extremely unhappy, and have been duly squashed beneath his hammer.

I know it's been really frustrating for mom, because she keeps expecting things of me (sometimes without asking) and I keep ending up unconscious.

I'm hoping that I'll feel better after seeing the chiropractor. The only time my back stops hurting is when I'm lying down, and nearly-twenty-two is far too young for that kind of thing.

I discovered my painting on the second floor of the CH building, on the way to my art class! Heady stuff. I'm wondering where they've stashed my final from last year. And...when I'll be getting them back.

I feel kind of strange knowing that I'm done with all of the pictures from Europe. I guess I'm also thinking about all the pictures the guys took, and wondering when I'll get to see them.

DING TWENTY-NINE! WOO!

-K

Bärlin.

I am confused as to why some of the pictures loaded smaller than they should have. I lay the blame on photobucket, which probably hates me by now.

-K

Freya's Day was McKinley and Wyatt's joint birthday party. We ate pizza and then went bowling. There was a comment made at some point after Petrea arrived that everyone was there, but I kept thinking somebody was missing. I was right: dad wasn't there. He's been spending a lot of time in bed. You know, since part of his spine has collapsed, and his knee isn't getting any of the messages his brain is sending it (which makes him unsteady and causes him to sometimes fall, despite attempts at using a cane) and some doctor or other put him on percoset to help with the pain. Yeah.

Russ is leaving early tomorrow morning to go on a business trip to...Kansas, I think. He'll be gone until Thor's Day, so I can't really blame McKinley for not being asleep yet. He's watching a movie in the front room, while Russ plays Dark Age of Camelot. As soon as the movie ends, I'll be taking over so Russ can go sleep.

Speaking of which...

-K

Ever heard anyone pronounce it "par-mee-zhan"?

Yeah, if that didn't make me giggle, I'd probably dislike it.

What I do hate though. Man. I hate it when my heart beats so hard that I can feel it in my throat. Like it got trapped in there somehow, and is pounding against my neck-innards, trying to get out.

In a word, uncomfortable.

Made some art today. It pretty much sums up how I have been feeling as of late.

It is on my livejournal, which I would link here, if I hadn't already slapped links to everything I ever post in on the side, there.

Nuts to your convenience!

Cashews, even!

Did you know: cashews are poisonous until they are cooked?

Yeah. I learnt sumpin in coo-laj.

-K

As the three of us (Ryan, Luna, and myself) made our way back to the apartment, we spotted a black SUV with "COOTSIE" on its license plate. COOTSIE hailed from Jackson, Mississippi.

She wears big sun glasses, and does not appreciate it when curious (alright, nosey, if you like that better) people like us look at her and her boyfriend (i. e. Ryan rolling his window down and getting a good stare at them). A fan of privacy, is Cootsie Jackson.

Had a good time in Biloxi. Got domestic and made pillows, and made dinner a few times, and ended up staying until yesterday. We were shooting for Saturday, which became Sunday. Which became Monday.

Got my days and nights mixed up again, so there will be a drug-induced sleep tonight, I'll warrant.

Russ and Leslie have moved in with the boys, and J-D has moved out. He's with his friend Lisa, and some of her family. When Russ' house is built (the target is about three months from now), J-D plans to move back in.

Yo-yo, much?

Hmmm. I wonder what happened to that Yo-Yo Ma CD mom had? I had it last, which means it is most likely lost forever, since I had it in my room.

I finally saw A Clockwork Orange, and I have this to say about it: boring.

The book, on the other hand, I enjoyed a great deal. It's what got me started reading Anthony Burgess, and now I've read a good deal of his work (in terms of what the Public Library has to offer).

If I ever get around to making another Tauren, I think I'll call her Thrimilce.

Oh, Vikings.

-K

Dear Heather H.,

You are awesome, and I love you.

So, Biloxi is still fairly torn up from Katrina. Suckage.

I'll be home on Saturday.

Russ and Leslie will be living with us for a few months. And, obviously, so will the boys.

Don't get me wrong, I love the boys. I love my brother, and I love his wife.

But, as McKinley would pose the question, "Do you love them all of the time, or some of the time?"

Well...

Really, I love them "all of the time and some of the time" but I don't always like them, and therein, my friends, lies the rub.

I keep deleting rants here. I feel like I have to keep the bulk of my problems to myself lately. So many things now just doesn't seem worth it anymore.

Just got to keep remembering to blink one eye at a time, I guess.

I am so tired.

McKinley turns four today.

-K

Vienna.

-K

Here. Have eighty-one photos of a town in Austria.

I had to try several times to get them posted, so I hope that they are satisfactory.

Ljiljana wants my latest painting to put on display, so I'll have that, and my final project from last semester up at TCC, and I am feeling rather pleased about it, if I may say so.

I wonder if this makes my point any more valid, Yan? I wonder if I still care...and I mostly don't, which is nice.

We're going to be starting the next painting today, which seems kind of silly since we're going to be working on it today, and then leaving it for a week during Spring Break. It's a portrait assignment. I can either do myself, or some one else. I've decided to paint my grandma, using the photo I have of her when she was pregnant with Uncle John in the 1940's.

I've had an utterly delicious zen feeling off and on today. I was incredibly unhappy about my second failed attempt to get those pictures posted, but I'm gradually getting back into the low key thing I had before.

Good times.

Dear Eurocompanions,

I miss you, and I miss all the walking, and all the museums, and all the chocolate. Mostly I miss you, though.

-K

I may have called your way dark and cold and lonely, but at least I tried your way. At least I was willing to do that for you; to honestly give it a shot and try to make us work.

At least I was willing to try and give up everything I believe in and everything I've worked for, and one of the things that makes me happiest.

And at least I didn't compare it to Star Trek.

Yeah. Thanks for that. It's a very nice comparison, Christianity to Sci-Fi.

Selfish bastard.

-K

Oh, sweet Megatron, I do love you so.

Today, I:

Spent about three class periods in the room I have my math class in, catching up on all the stuff I'd fallen behind on. Mrs. Breedlove is pretty awesome, since she 1) pushed back the date of our second test a day, and 2) let me leave early since I'd been in there so fricklong.

Made a tenuous start at a friendship with a girl in my math class. She seems really nice.

Discovered that Stephen had called me while I was doing all that number crunching, and gave him a call back. I neither shouted nor sobbed at him this time. We have made progress.

Went and made an appointment for tomorrow to talk to some one with Disabilities Services.

Thought about Europe while waiting for the bus, and remembered how precisely Karl enunciated everything. As I was thinking this, the guy sitting next to me on the bench made a call on his cell phone, and spoke with a pronounced lisp.

Had a twenty-minute work out, where I discovered that I can bend over and put curl my fingers around my toes without bending my knees.

Decided to ask Megan to dinner at El Tapatío.

Did some house work, and, out of curiosity, tried to put my hands flat on the ground without bending my knees. Attempt: Successful.

Went to dinner with Megan, Melissa, and Robert at...dun dun dun! El Tapatío.

Went to World Market and bought a nifty green scarf.

Recieved some green earrings and a "Mediterranean Melon" candle from Megan.

Turned down a Man Candle, because I've had all the man-handling I can take for a while.

Came home and vegged.

Vacuumed again.

Learned a saying from my dad's childhood in St. Louis: First in shoes, first in booze, last in the American League. This is all in reference to the Brown Shoe Co., Budweiser, and the St. Louis Browns (a baseball team which is no longer in existance).

Now I'm going to finish up this entry, and decide what I want to say about Edvard Munch tomorrow (aka this afternoon) when I give my presentation in Painting II.

So, I'm really diggin' 1984. My mom hated it (Megan enjoyed it). She also hated Fahrenheit 451, which I loved (ditto Megan). Can't agree on everything, I guess.

Argle.

In other words, I am rather sleepy.

-K

Omg, noes, I burned teh popping corn!

BUT! I also called Joel today in the church parking lot! He sounded good. I really miss him, and am very grateful to Lane for giving me Joel's number.

Kim and I were going to paint tonight, but her brother Seth took her car, and still isn't back yet...even though he was supposed to be back at around 5-5:30. Disgruntled grumblings!

Either way, I want to paint tonight. It just isn't as much fun without Kim.

I had Nine Inch Nails in my head during Sacrament Meeting. Like, whoa.

I am wondering how they've translated all those crazy Nephite names in the Book of Mormon I am ordering in Chinese for Blayne. They are hard enough to say in English.

The History Channel had something on about Eric the Red. It was pretty awesome, since it wasn't like their normal stuff (i.e. mildly cheesey). It renewed my interest in Vikings and Iceland (and my love of Icelandic accents), at any rate. I might just have to check out their exchange program.

-K

J-D> You're going to Biloxi for the whole week?
Me> Yeah, because then I can help redecorate, get to know Ryan better, hang out with Luna, and avoid Stephen all in one go!

Well.... At least I'm honest?

So, with Lane's help, I've gotten in touch with Joel, and he is, indeed, still a resident of this planet. If you are a Joel fan like I am, this is very good news. So, give that link a click and listen to his band, yeah?

Man...it's a good thing I don't have class on Fridays.

Très fatigué?

Oui. Oui, mes amis.

Sehr müde.

Maar niet ook vermoeid voor Babelfish.

Haha. Silly Babelfish, can't even un-translate itself. Lawl.

I go vacuum now.

:(

-K

Munich!

Eh, things are alright over this way. Gonna hold the baby, do some math, work out, make some cheesecakes, and lay around.

I think it seems like a pretty good plan.

-K

Copenhagen photos up.

-K

Man, I am glad I do not have children of my own right now. Babies are all, "Dude, I am gonna wake up at like. 1:30 in the AM's, and then I will be like, 'OMG HOLD ME I WILL NOT SLEEP EVER' and it'll pretty much be like that until your arms fall off."

If some one asks me to marry them within the next two years, I will tell them I have a previous engagement.

See you in 2008, China!

At church on Sunday, after I said goodbye to Steve, Kim and I came across a girl crying into her cell in the parking lot. As we gathered up her bags and took them inside, the lovely Leslie C. gave me a card she'd printed out with Smeagol grinning in a mildly ominous way on it. It reads, "You Don't Have A Boyfriend!" on that side and, "Happy Singles Awareness Day! Love, Leslie (Februaru 14, 2006)" on the other. I put it in my scripture bag with a grin, thinking what a relief it is (for once) to be unattached.

When we'd gotten the girl's things in a safe place and had grabbed enough toilet paper for her to blow her nose and dry her eyes, I hurriedly asked Kim her name (Kristen) and sat outside with her on the sidewalk. I was glad I'd worn mom's big sweater....thing. It envelopes people of my build in warm fluffy pinkness, and since my skirt was longer than Kristen's, I spread it out over her legs and waited.

When she had hung up her phone and calmed down enough to thank me, we exchanged names and hugs. She'd had a fight with her roommate. I hope things are okay for her now.

I plan to call Kim and see if she knows Kristen's number, so I can check up on her. I'm just nosily friendly like that, I guess.

So.

Anyone else as glad as I am to know who they are, and to know that no one can change it (short of brain washing, probably)? Because it's pretty awesome, I've decided.

-K

It felt good to change.

It felt good to come out on top, even if I'm the only one of us that understands why.

It felt good to keep something more important to me than you.

It felt good to wake up in the aftermath and still know who I am.

It felt good to realize I can let go.

-K