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El Hchano

Quote of the moment:
"Hysterical and useless..." - Radiohead Let Down

There are things I can't say to anyone. There are things that I hide even from myself. There are times when I am so worn out from feeling so much that I am covered in a layer of blank nothingness that surges and roils like a blanket over mist, with so much underneath it, seeping through the holes no matter how tightly it has been woven.

I wish I could be like Heather and shut everything off, and put up walls and not feel anymore. At least, this is how she presents herself to me most of the time.

It is unseemly to fall apart all the time.

I'm glad I payed for the dishes. It means they are mine and I don't have to share. I am sick of sharing the things that mean most to me. I am sick of trying to let people see into me, because it never does me any good; all my confessions and trust. So I am glad that the dishes that I found on my own for the three of us are all mine and that they can't claim a single one. You know, just in case I can't take the two of them anymore. Just in case I have to do it on my own because having that loneliness unintentionally rubbed in my face all the time is understatement a bit hard to bear at times.

Still, it has become reflexive to share these things. Much like wearing my heart on my sleeve. I can't hide my emotions soon enough, so I just don't bother once they have been spotted for what they really are. Or, at least, when I think they have.

I could easily close this I.E. window and lose this entry. Or, I could just as easily backspace with decisive stabs, the undercurrent of desperation only half-seen in the corner of my eye.

I could.

Obviously, I have not.

Because, a part of me wants them to know exactly how it makes me feel.

Looking back at previous entries, I am always amazed by my drastic change of mood.

sanity was maintained @ 01:07 a.m.

There are eight new CD covers on my GJ, for your optical pleasure xO
On a related note, Lunalovie's mix is ready to send. I just need to get some more envelopes.
Ashu's will take longer, because I've still got to get the songs she listed, and figure out what else to put on it :/
As for Lina's, she still needs to give me a title before I'll make it. I know she said something about green before.... Hm.
And uh. Joey's is ready to burn. I just need some 90 min. CD's, or to take two songs off and move everything around x_x

But, more importantly: Joshu is here. It's really nice :3 Too bad Hchano is feeling sick. >/
We got him from the airport yesterday, and came back to my place. We've done very little, and I'm getting bored, but like I said, Hchano doesn't feel well, and I'm not going to ask her to do anything if she's feeling gross.

It'll be time to archive soon...

Wow...all known the Chanos are together...! ::boogie::

I think I should go eat something.

-Kchano <((_n)>

sanity was maintained @ 01:33 p.m.

Making mixes and covers for said mixes, making cheesecakes, getting ready to meet Joshu, trying to read all my library books, relapsing into fangirlism, taking a stupid political-type survey thing on the phone that lasted so long my dinner was cold when I got back to it, etc., etc., etc. xO

Yeah. It's some of what I have been up to lately. Just thought I'd check in an' tell you :|

-Kchano <((_o)>

sanity was maintained @ 07:34 p.m.

You don't fade away anymore, after we say goodbye, and that's always a pretty good indication of it, right? This is what it feels like to finally let go and admit it, I guess...

P.S.: chanosforever icon is now the proper size to be used on GJ xOO!!!

-Kchano <((_))>

sanity was maintained @ 09:54 a.m.

Had a fairly good entry almost done, and I closed the wrong window. Poof gone. x|

I remember talking about making a mixed CD that was telling a story, all the ink on my hands from my fountain pen, the open-house thing at Loran and Liane's for Halloween, Loran's kind of humor, and David Bowie being Ziggy Stardust (and subsequently Velvet Goldmine and Ewan McGregor jumping around on that stage while naked-like) when I checked the spelling on something...and then closed the wrong I.E. window. I think I was probably about to complain about my bra. The underwire is starting to try and esk-ah-pei out of the side. How is that possible, anyway? Not like I run around a whole lot, or do any kind of heavy labour. So how could it have worked its way through the fabric so fast?

I was also rather likely to mention helping Kent with names. I am totally keeping Fen for myself xO!

Blah.

-Kchano <((_x)>

sanity was maintained @ 05:42 a.m.

To Blaynes again, for pizza, anime, and the best game evaaaar, which I inconveniently forgot the name of 8DD
Went with Hchano this time, and it was a lot of fun to hang out with her and Blayne xO! Inside jokes abound.

I should be sleeping, really I should. But...Naruto =x
See, it is J-D's birthday today, and he had people over for anime again when I got home from Blayne's. I was just in time for Naruto, which rocked my socks off. I need to see more xO!!

While making J-D's birthday cake, I got a call from Nathan. He's in Tally, but I had plans tonight, and mormons don't do things on Sunday that involve supporting working on Sundays...and besides, Loran and Liane are having a house-warming type thing tomo..eh, today >_<; and I had already said I would go.
I know, I know. He's going to be stationed in England for the next three years...but I am at a loss as to what we could do, you know? o_@
Ohman...when I told my mom who'd just called, and she was like, "Well. Crude comment, but, guys who are getting shipped out only have one thing on their minds..." I made the weirdest sound ever. It was part exhasperation, part omgwtfstfu, part khgkjlkjiuehrkgdf!!!, part smothered scream/laugh, and part disgust, because my mom said something with sexual implications, and it's always kinda...bluh when my 'rents say something like that x______x

I have forgotten how completely jakesome [xDDDD] some of my CD's are. One of these days, I will just go through my CD cases, and listen to each of them.

Seriously, I should be asleep...

P.S.: Sasuke is awesome, but come on. Kakashi all the way, hon'. It's almost enough to make me regress into my highschool fangirlism xDD

--EDIT 4somethingAM--
P.P.S.: Chanolove.

-Kchano <((_z)>

sanity was maintained @ 03:28 a.m.

Yep. Today's word of the day: taya.

Listening to Rockin' the Suburbs, which I have not listened to in a long time. I have no idea why though, becuase it's such a great album.

I need to put some cash aside for sushi. Ohyesindeedydo.

Talking to people I have not talked to in a long time is fun. =3

Turkey sandwhich on home-made bread? Totally. You don't even know, dude.

My mind is all over the place tonight. Sorry :/

-Kchano <((_o)>

sanity was maintained @ 07:44 p.m.

I swear, Kou and Kakashi are brothers. Really.

We [mom, dad, and myself] got our absentee ballots today. Sitting at the kitchen table together, we talked about the issues being voted on, and...well, then we voted.

Also, my Norton anti-virus came today 8D ::hoot joyously::

I hope that Julie likes that icon xO!

-Kchano <((_o)>

sanity was maintained @ 09:00 p.m.

I got the best letter from Luna the other day. I'm still sick, and it made me feel so much better. XD

There is an icon on my GJ that I made just now...I have too much time on my hands. =/

The sound on my comp died randomly. It's really annoying, because there are all of these songs that I want very much to listen to now, and I can't. ::grumble::

Anyway. J-D had some people over tonight to watch Anime. One of them knew about RO, and we talked for a minute about how addictive it is XDD It was funny, I swear o_O;

Mended some pants and rugs today. The pants I am wearing no longer have a hole in the crotch! Huzzah! ::sits like a man with legs open XDDD:: Mwaha.

Don't let me forget to ask Luna if they need books over there. Mom said something...about people getting books to send over for the soldiers to read.

If there were not so much to CP, I would definately paste that convo to you. Boy, it was funny...8D

Okay. Breathing. Breathing is good. ::laughing so hard XD::

-Kchano <((_n)>

sanity was maintained @ 03:02 a.m.

Got more things on my mind than a sore mouth and a headache, but those are certainly fighting for my attention, too.

Slept long and hard early this afternoon and into the evening, and it took me a long time to get enough energy to think clearly, but I got there. Luckily, it takes little thought to clean, and I used up a sickening amount of energy with something I can usually do without taking a break.

There is extra bonding cement on my back molars, and the woman who put the rings on them slipped on the upper right one, and now I have a cut there.
My glasses are still missing.
But I've got a slice of home-made bread.

There is always a bright side.

-Kchano <((_e)>

sanity was maintained @ 10:19 p.m.

Got the GED results. I passed xO! Hoowa! I also got sick the next day. XDD

A lot of family here last night for the game, and despite the fact that I was feeling sicker and sicker as the night went on, it was nice to see them.
We won, they tell me. I...don't really care, though. xD;

I am trying to get this picture done, but it just is not working. =/

I dunno how many of you have the Romeo + Juliet soundtrack. But I do. And one of the songs is by a guy called Mundy, and I got the CD that the song from the soundtrack is on, for .29 xO! Hchano got a CD that is also very good for the same price ;O ::hug at cheap CD's xDD::

But yeah. Heather is awake now. So...=p

-Kchano <((_c)>

sanity was maintained @ 03:33 p.m.

Newish CD covers up on my GJ, three of which are gifts.

Uhhmmm....can't think of much else. I'm in a pretty good mood. Tired though. =3

-Kchano <((_n)>

sanity was maintained @ 10:11 p.m.

I think we all needed that, you know? Well, I feel better. I can say that much, at least. Talking about it can do that, and I've known that for a long time. So long, in fact, that it's usually a habit...or I wouldn't have trusted you with so many things. I was just so scared to hurt you by telling you the truth. Can you imagine that? Not telling the truth to you, the most honest person I know. One of the people I am most afraid of alienating. We still have a lot to work on, huh?

Batalha is slowly creeping along. I am currently perfecting a scene between Caelum and Zuleika. Their relationship, and the way they interact, still needs to be tweaked and perfected. Theirs is a situation that no one on the planet has ever been in before, so I have to think hard about what to have them feel/think/say/do. I have to play around with it a lot. and it isn't getting much easier as I go along. Staying true to a character's personality is hard when they start to take on a life of their own.
Zuleika is devastated and lonely, and this clone of Caelum could ease all of that. But she strikes me as very intelligent; a much stronger, more honest peson than that. She wouldn't give in to the temptation...not much, anyway. But at the same time, she's sort of being given another chance. One of the most important things in her life was torn away very abruptly, very harshly, and she is still in love with a person who is now gone. And suddenly, an exact genetic copy is thrust into her life.
How would a person with a strong feel for life, and a lot of determination; a very passionate person, deal with this situation? I'm not sure. I'm playing this all by ear, and a lot of the time, the chords don't ring entirely true. I'll have little bits and snatches that I don't want to get rid of, but they wouldn't make sense without the whole, and the whole is no good.

And then, how would Caelum react? He's an equally strong character, and he is struggling with the other side of the situation: he's not really who he thinks he is (not exactly, anyway). And then, there are the facts. No one knows if a clone, if a being created from the barest but most complex structure of life, will hold the same memories and feelings as the original. I have to guess and go by popular belief.
Is it really possible to clone some one, and have them remember even a fraction of the memories that belonged to the person they were cloned from? I've been going back and forth between the ideas that A) he is remembering and feeling things on his own, or B) that it was all implanted at the lab with the recordings and records that the original Caelum made.
Being a hopeless romantic-type of person, I would really like to lean towards the first, but personally, I think that is very far-fetched and not probable.
On the other hand, it is possible. Let's face it, guys. In Sci-Fi and Fantasy, everything is possible. There is a scene in the story where the majority of the main characters have the same dream, so I'm no stranger to going againts logic. It isn't probable but it's possible.

I'm not exactly sure why I'm going through all of this. Maybe it's part of this odd new process of really paying attention as I search myself for reasons/feelings/thoughts that got forced to start night before last.
I also have to fight my urge to get them together right away, and have one less ending to deal with, and one more Happily Ever After on the record. I haven't even gotten started on a lot of the things I have vague plans for, and to have one less crazy relationship to deal with would be a relief. Of course, the characters wouldn't cooperate if I tried that, and I have the feeling that my conscience and my small audience wouldn't care for it, either.
Or maybe I am just trying to come up with a valid reason for working on this story so slowly. ::shrug::
I have an interesting time coming up with tender or amusing little moments from their back-story though, which there seems to be no end of. And then showing how either of them will deal with the memory. There's that much, at least.

Hopefully, everything will go well today, and I can get those dishes, perhaps some crab rangoon, and a little driving done as a bonus. I need to work on turning, and over-compensation. And being brave enough to go more than fifteen mph. XD;;

Fiver seems to have a virus...if not the same one as before, one that is very similar. He's doing the same thing as before; restarting at random, and having more popups than I would like (of course, I would prefer not to have any, but oh well). It hasn't gotten nearly as bad as it was the first time, but I'm not taking any chances, and have saved the files I don't have duplicates of someplace else.

While I was saving the files yesterday, Trish called. We talked for a long time, and it was really good to hear from her. Even though some of what she had to say was disturbing. Like, that girl who attacked her the other night at one of the benefits for Derek's girlfriend and baby. The girl was Derek's sister, actually @____@;; Pretty messed up, if you ask me.
I hope that Trish will be safe in Atlanta xF

So. Jeishanou coming next month? Totally awesome.
Leveling acolyte? Sucks. A lot.
Making z for a stat change? Also sucks. Especially when you are afraid that your computer will restart at any moment. ::grumble::

Heh. Horsegasm What You Are [Drill] song is playing.

-Kchano <((_e)>

sanity was maintained @ 10:21 a.m.

So there's this nerve in your spine, yah? It is connected all the way through your arm and to your thumb, index, and middle fingers. Treat that nerve with kindness, my friends.

I found out today that a fifteen-year-old boy named Travis, and who is somehow or other related to Dustin...and I have never met really likes my art. He's read my journal, and likes me, too. Debbie has shown him pictures of me, and he thinks I'm pretty. Pictures of me when I was in highschool, no less, and my insecurity was at its peak. It's an odd experience. It makes me realize how intensely personal some of the things here are. It makes me think about maybe putting stuff like that some place else. It makes me wonder if he's reading this. And it makes me wonder if I actually care.

Debbie is here, making chili for dinner and doing housework to make some extra money doing things she did for free when she lived here...thins I used to do for free before J-D moved in.
Things change so fast, and it is so seldom the change you want. I don't believe in karma, but that Radiohead song is still really good.

-Kchano <((_.)>

sanity was maintained @ 05:41 p.m.

Lost in the cloud
A voice
Have no fear
We draw near...

Draw near faster then, okay?. I can feel it coming, but it never comes fast enough. I've been waiting for a long time, and I'm tired.

sanity was maintained @ 08:35 a.m.

(Genericish) fanart of Ro's Thief character on my GJ. Hoowa! 8D

Went to Debbie and Dustin's place with Megan, Robert, and Melissa on Sunday.
Their place is small but cute. The walls are really dark and the ceiling is very low though, so I hope Debbie's redecorating helps lighten it up, maybe feel a little bigger.
I had an awesome time joking around with everyone, but Dustin didn't say too much. He and Robert talked computers while all us leidehs were in the bedroom goofing off, so that's good. At least one of us sort of got to know him better XDD
We played B.S., and Megan totally beat us XD I missed that game, but it is still just as annoying as I remember xDD

Kim, Debbie, and I went to Walmart tonight. I bought some fabric and a pattern for a skirt. I've only gotten two pieces cut out of the bottom layer...it took a long time to do just that. x__x I really hope that it turns out alright. The top layer of fabric is this sheer, sort of slickery fabric, and it will be hard to work with. I'm really glad that I have mom to help me XDDD

That's about all, really =F

-Kchano <((_n)>

sanity was maintained @ 04:23 a.m.

I like that title. I must use it. Mayhap with the idea I'm playing around with (vaguely, as it is just a sketch) on my GJ xB

I will be sleeping soon, I think. Thought I'd try and stay awake, help mom a bit, but I've not had any sleep since yesternoon, and am running low on steam.

Got a few colored pencils to offer Hchano. Just three, nothing special...but one is sorta the color of Kou's constant green shirt, and it is a Prisma Color pencil (they are the best of the ones I've used...very smooth flow and pure pigment) so I thought she might want it. There is also a black one, and you can never have enough black. The orange I am doubtful of, but it appeals to me...makes me thirsty; draws my eye. Quite likely that is the fatigue talking though, so don't listen to much of what I tell you right now. Which, hopefully, is not much more. Don't want to waste your time, yah?

I need to figure out what to get Megan and Robert for Christmas. I know October is still a bit early, but I have to start saving up now. Or maybe I could make them some art. You never know. I'd really like that...to have a painting or something that was good enough to give some one as a gift. You know? Something serious. Not just a fanart. Everyone does fanart. An actual present for an actual holiday/event. That'd be nice, to think I was good enough for that.
Funny thing though...they each have me as one of the people to get a gift for. We are only doing two people each since our family is so huge now (like it wasn't before, eh? XDD;), and two people get your name. But the grandkids can, and will, get spoiled rotten. As many gifts as you want to give them. Boy, do they have it good. XDDD

Brain hurts =/

-Kchano <((_-)>

sanity was maintained @ 08:30 a.m.

If anyone remembers the She Jumps series, there are two new additions to it on my GJ, as well as the original series, for those of you who have forgotten ;p

Not a lot going on, really. I am going to go to Dustin and Debbie's (feels strange thinking that phrase, not to mention using it...) for dinner on this coming Sunday. I am to make dessert. =3
I've been cooking a lot more lately. I've had the urge to, though, so it's okay. Maybe it has something to do with my increasing urges towards moving out. I'm ready to give taking care of myself a shot, you know? My parents are a convenient wall to lean against, but it is time to stand up straight for a while. Not to knock my Unbalanced series, though...which I want to use for a layout. I've got a new piece to it in Kim's studio...I should go see her soon xB

P.S.: I am going through my blog entries and changing the links to my GJ strictly to the poem/picture the particular entry is talking about, instead of just sending you to my GJ. ;O

-Kchano <((_n)>

sanity was maintained @ 10:51 p.m.

Yeah. That was pretty much how my stay at Heather's began. I had to take McKinley to the bathroom, and he can stand up to pee now, but needs help...holding it. ::eyeshift:: XDDDD The outcome was that I had to clean Heather's toilet when he was done. @___x;; And then I had that conversation with Hchano when I was finished cleaning up XD;

We didn't do a lot, but I was happy for the most part. Jeishanou called us a few times, and that was fun, even though he didn't talk much.

I got The Sims from Hchano, so I have yet another addiction to go with RO...speaking of which, I really need to level my aco x_____x She is the lowest level in the guild, and I have not been on the whole time I was at Heather's...I am worried they might kick me out if I don't start doing things XD; I will see if Hchano will tank with me later =F

Cleaning the stalls was something I got used to quickly, and even enjoy doing. I can sort of understand how the phrase "honest work" came about now that I've done something so grubby and smelly, but come away from the job much happier than I came to it.
Still, I know that that is only because I don't have to do it. This was done as a favor to Heather, to help her out with it and to keep her company. When something isn't an actual obligation for me, I enjoy it. I didn't mind doing the dishes or sweeping, or anything. I did it because I was bored and Heather was feeling sick, and she's my friend.
I called mom for the recipe for potato soup, and Hchano was feeling better by the time it was ready, so she got something down. She was still really tired today though, but we made it here alright, despite that guy who was swerving all over the place. e__x

I didn't realize I missed being home. Well, that isn't entirely true. I missed my family, but I would be just as happy living someplace else, yah? The whole time at Hchano's I kept thinking about how nice it would be to get a job and move out now. I am ready, I think.
It is just that my mom keeps saying things like, "You're leaving me?!" when I get up to read in my room or something. x___x; I think she is finally realizing that when J-D and I leave, we will all be gone from the house. And since she has had us here for so long, it will be hard to keep the house up without help. She's admitted this to me, and it bothers me to think about it, you know? She will be sixty next year, and that weirds me out. The way things are going, I am wondering if she will be around when I finally find some one and have kids. I want my kids to know her.

Eh. That is all beside the point. The point is this: I finally found Geggy Tah's Sacred Cow CD, and I am absolutely giddy about it. I squealed in the store when I found it, and having thus let myself go, I was able to refrain from a victory dance XDDD

Thinking about a lot of things lately, and none of it matters to anyone but me, but I can't help wanting to try and articulate it all. Nothing much happened in the past week, but I feel like something important changed. I hope I can figure out what it is.

To Lunalovie: I am not sure when you were on my TB, but I emailed the addresses to you already...did you get them or no? >_<;
To Joel: I'm sorry it took me so long to get those to you, and I'm glad you like them =DD
To Linard: I'm trying to get a fanart of Kei to work, but it is not cooperating 9____9
To Raphael: ::highfive:: XDD

-Kchano <((_n)>

sanity was maintained @ 04:40 p.m.

Yeah. King Missle = rocks my socks. Gently. XD

Poem and pic of Kallie up on my GJ, but she's looking like Liv Tyler x___x; Insert chagrin into emotion slot.
There's also another peom, unrelated to the picture and posted in a seperate entry =B

I'm all packed for Hchano's. I'm spending most of the week there, on account of her mum and That Man going out of town. I've got a mixed CD and most of a cover done for das Jeishanou (that's Josh, to you). b(n_n)d and just so you know. In case you have no imagination. That compslang there means 'thumbs up'...J-D and I came up with it. Highfives all around.

Yeah. I should try to sleep or something...I have to be up and ready to go by three, and I've been sleeping for....a lot of time lately. It's horrible. I'm gonna have to take sleeping pills with me to Hchano's and force myself back into some sort of semblance of a sleeping schedule.

Shai-Hulud, but this song makes me happy. ::bounce:: I love you, Japanese music. Even the slurred, nasal-sounding accents when you try to sing in English. <3

I really hope I am not getting sick, but I feel like I am. x_x I don't want to be around anyone if I am; not even Hchano. I'm even more irritable than normal when I'm sick, and no one should have to go through that. It is akin to PMS with me. Just ask El Tiffo. I become a horrible person.

Hooooboy. I have not had my fix played RO today. ::jonzes gently::

-Kchano <((_e)>

sanity was maintained @ 04:58 a.m.

Got an idea for a picture. Yeah. Pencil sketching is mostly done already. I just need to scan and revamp it all on the comp, yah? So I really hope that Fiver is not sick again. I will probably cry if he is, because I don't want to lose any of my files, and I don't trust Nero. It does not always save everything you try to save. ::stomps it in the face::

While reading over the Cassie letter before mailing it, I was struck by how childish my handwriting is. So if I send any of you a letter and it is typed, do not be offended. I do this so you can actually read what I am writing to you. Yeah.

I did a long review for Dune: House Corrino. I kept the reviews for the other two books very short and vague because I planned on a longer one when I'd read all three of them. There are a lot of books in this series, and I'm starting it over again to refresh my memory, so expect to see more of Dune in the margin. =F

My brain hurts, and I crave RO.

-Kchano <((_.)>

sanity was maintained @ 12:31 a.m.

A picture concerning my guitar pick is up on my GJ. XD;;

RO is so addictive @_____@; I am terrible with directions and get lost all the time, but it is fun and I do not care, as long as I make it back to a place I am familiar with XDD; My tablet keeps crapping out on me, though, which makes it hard to walk around since I am lacking a mouse.

Hoo...hurricanes. Yep. Mom is planning on boarding up the windows on the side that the wind will be blowing on xD Poor house. XD

Megan and Robert are here for the night >_o; I think Melissa is here, too, but I've been in my room for a while now, so she may have gone home. I can't exactly hear things in the rest of the house very well with my headphones on e___xUu

I have started work on Batalha 8D I'm revising it and such-like at the moment. It's a bit surreal reading through it though, because it is something that *I* wrote. And...it is not terrible. ::eyeshift:: Yeah. There are parts I want to tone down, and things that need more/less description and that kind of thing. It will be slow going, I guess, but it's the sort of tedium I do not mind.

So. D.E.S.U.? All the way, babe. All the way. xD ::highfives Blayne:: I need to make a picture for it, and then ask if Trish knows how to make patches XDD Then, the Dynamic Exo Samurai Unit will have an official patch 8D

I find myself missing Harrison and Joel. I know that Kristen will be trying to come later this year, so it is not so bad, missing her. But I really miss them. I've sent Joel's mixed CD's, and the first Cassie letter x3 ::hugs Cassie and Ory::

Maybe it's the matching underwear and the cute shirt, but I feel really good right now. I had some crazy dreams and woke up feeling awful, but once I got showered and dressed, things got better XDD;
Ohman. I had a dream that Adrian came over...and played video games. With Debbie. Wtf, mate ^^? XDD;

Anthony has cute hair ::cuddle:: x3

So uhhmm...the lights have flickered a couple of times now, and since I am paranoid about the power going out with the computer on (I really don't have much else to say, though XDD), that is all for now :O

-Kchano <((_n)>

PS: The Weakerthans are so awesome. x9

sanity was maintained @ 02:45 a.m.

Seriously, Megan. I said necklace. LEARN TO HEAR XDDDD

May = freaky/funny. We (Debbie and I) rented it and took it over to Megan and Robert's place to watch with Megan and Melissa...Robert's been all anti-social lately so he did not come out of his computer room :/

Movie Gallery = has never heard of Yentil...Yentle? Y...yeah. ::shrug::

I need to find my guitar pick. I dropped it. And it is clear, so I cannot see it very easily. You don't even know, dude. I need something to chew on.

I should so be in bed right now, but I figured I haven't actually blogged in a while. =F

Hokai, so, here's the earth I've not really been up to much lately. I've gotten some art done so that's good. I took care of Helena and Ian yesterday, and that's awesome. They are the coolest, 'cept Lanie kept trying to eat my necklace, and the chain is not that long, so I'd have my head at a crazy angle until I could get the charm out of her mouth/hands xD;
Showed the "do we eat cousins" icon to Megan yesterday, too >8D
Debbie seems to really want me to come over to Dustin's place...x___x;; I am trying to think of nice things about him, and to ignore the odd feeling he gives me, but it isn't working very well. Mayhap I can come over when he is...not there or something. ::eyeshift::

Man. I really wish that I had that guitar pick xF

Not exactly sure why I stopped signing these things for a while there...

-Kchano <((_e)>

PS: Iffen you go to my GJ, you will find a drawing of Josh, Hchano, and monself. Werezombified. xDD;

sanity was maintained @ 05:50 a.m.

Pitas is le stink. I hope it gets punched in the crotch. Seriously. You don't even know, dude.

I was listening to Fever to Tell while I made some CD covers.

::snarls at Pitas and runs away::

--EDIT! [8:26 a.m.]--

Pic of a chara I made for a story I have not written yet on my GJ xB

--EDIT (again)! [9:03 a.m.]--

The Luna cover of Sweet Child o' Mine inspired me to yet another Scribbly Doom drawing xD;

-Kchano <((_o)>Uu

sanity was maintained @ 03:21 a.m.

Pic up on my GJ having to do with sexual objectification. I'm in the process of brainstorming more of them, to make it a series of sorts.

Uhhhmmmmmmmnnnggguh. Not much to say. There is a fat penguin on my desk. It has a red bowtie with white polkadots on it. Is polkadot one word? ::shrug:: The tropical storm did not kill me, so that's good.

Debbie's home. And when I say, "home" I mean Dustin's house. And when I say, "Dustin" I mean Oxxx. With three x's. Because that is, apparently, the way of the rednecks.

I'm glad that I got to talk to Linard online today. I was worried about her and El Tiffo :/

I keep dropping my tablet pen...it just goes to show that I need to get myself a mouse xF

We're supposed to be moving me into Debbie's room tomorrow...weird. I might not do it after all, though. I have made a lot of changes to this room, you know? I mean, if I could just transfer a few things to that room until I could sort through all my stuff and then move it all out to paint the walls, and then move everything back in here, that would be awesome. But moving my bed is quite a task. For those of you who have seen it...you know what I'm talking about. I can do a runnning jump onto that thing. It comes up to my hips, for cryin' out loud XDDD;

Muse makes me happy x9 ::rock out::

sanity was maintained @ 10:43 p.m.

I deleted a bunch of sentimental stuff about my nephews and niece just now. I realized it was a different kind of personal; the kind that even I don't want to share with anyone. I'd just feel foolish if I tried to explain it, you know?

Went to an art show (Kim had some stuff on display =DD!)and then a movie with Hchano and Nathan yesterday. While we were there, a guy from my Tai Chi class gave me his business card and told me to give him a call if I need help selling any of my art...but I'd rather sell it myself. See, the stuff that's worth selling is also worth keeping, and if I were to ever sell any of it, I'd want to meet the person. I have to make sure those expressions of my inner self go to good homes, ya? ::Wakka XD::
Coming home from the movie, Hchano got a ticket for speeding x_e; Poor girl. I'd like to think it was not her cleavage that got the amount of money she had to pay lowered significantly, but I don't have much faith in the majority of the planet's population...and she has a lot of chest showing when she wears that particular shirt. ::eyeshift::
There was a note on my door when I got home. Turned out that Lane called, but I am (understandably, in my opinion) hesitant to call people if I am not exactly certain who they are, and when mom took the call, she didn't know who it was. The note said it was either Blayne or Lane..."something-ane" XDD So...Hchano ended up calling the number, because I am a wuss ;3

Hchano and I both felt really tired/drained today. I hope she gets home alright. She was saying last night that she forgot about Lunalovie's plan to call her, and she felt really bad x_x I was gonna have her call them on mom's cellphone, but...I forgot. We are always forgetting, Hchano and I x_______________x

WTF, AIM is freaking out ::die::

sanity was maintained @ 07:27 p.m.

There's a fanart of Rylie up on my GJ (posted yesterday), because I love My Love 8D.... I'm still contemplating wings, but I doubt I'll get around to it because they'd be hard to do without shading, and I did as little shading as possible on this picture because me=lazy. I've already got so many unfinished drawings that I need to work on, yanno?

Read an article in the National Geographic about physics...it wasn't very detailed, though; it was about a new "String Theory" anditwasreallyinteresting. ::glares at Luke:: Gnarrg!! One day I will learn German and then I will give that man a piece of my mind! IN GERMAN!! ::suffers a relapse into her highschool redundancy XDD::

So I hear from El Hchano that this new hurricane is...pretty bad. I will have to consult Kim about the beach plans, eh? XDDD;

--EDIT!!--

More stuff at my GJ:
icon x 2
Sketchy Doom pic

sanity was maintained @ 01:49 p.m.

::lol @ Ian and Megan::

Hchano and I saw Hero with Blayne, J-D, and Kat on Monday. It was teh sex. In Chinese. x9

We have a new couch. Sort of. It was Loran and Liane's, but they don't have room in the new house for it, so...it's ours now. And the couch from my grandma's is gone now. Huzzah! I hope mom remembered to call the trash pick-up guys so they will take it. If you don't warn the jerks ahead of time when you're putting out big stuff like that, they'll just leave it there for two weeks or a month or something. Then they'll put in the notification themselves or whatever it is they have to do, and then wait another bit of time to spite you and haul it away. The neighbors had a dead fridge in their yard for so long I can't even remember how long it was actually there.
But anyway, we have a new couch. It's fat. XDD

Helena makes the best faces ever while she eats. She looks like she's thinking so hard about it. But then, she's just now getting tastebuds, so I'm sure she's got a lot to think about, like whether or not to spit what we give her out in disgust XD;

So uhhmmm...Debbie will be starting the drive home on Monday. Yep.

I might be seeing Nathan soon. ::eyeshift:: Weird to think about seeing him after so long, you know?

Lunalovie, I don't want you to go. <3

sanity was maintained @ 09:07 p.m.

Hchano and I went with J-D and his friend Kat to the shooting range. We shot small things from a long way off. Because we are awesome. And can snipe you all. =D

I would post something more, but Hchano has stuff to scan. ::eyeshift::

sanity was maintained @ 02:42 p.m.

The poem/pictures on my GJ has nothing to do with anything you all know about, so calm down already. Since it bothers people so much I just won't post anything about the things any of you understand anymore, unless I can become so incredibly vague with my poems that I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore. How many times can I say "any" in one paragraph? A lot more, I bet. Geeze.

sanity was maintained @ 09:41 a.m.

Last night, Sleep to Dream was my theme song. If I hadn't slept on it, it might still be. But you never know. My moods are inclined to swing around violently, so it could still mean something.
Just because I don't talk about it doesn't mean it isn't there anymore. Just because I don't mention it here doesn't mean everything's all better now. It means that I've been distracted by something else for a while, and reminding me of it isn't going to help.
I've plenty more to say on the issue. I have some of it written out and ready. I have some very good poems done that I will likely never post unless I'm very angry...and I'm not entirely sure I'd be sorry afterwards, seeing as how there are so many sensitive feelings on the matter of my expressing myself in order to heal.
So please: don't tell me you're happy not to see anything about it because that's just hitting a wasps' nest with a stick. Really hard. Don't do it unless I've not said anything for more than a month, not a day or two. Things just don't work that way, alright?

sanity was maintained @ 05:44 a.m.

Hung out at Blayne's yesterday. It rocked. xD
We were supposed to be studying (well, I was supposed to be helping with the studying xDD;) but ended up spending quite a bit of time watching anime and stuff, and just generally goofing off. But eventually we got to work. I made Blayne some flash-cards of Hiragana. I hope they help. =F
Kim came over later on to pick me up to go eat, but we ended up hanging out some more, and then we all went to get pizza and drinks, and then played Mario XDDD The Nintendo (or maybe it was the game...or both) kept glitching, you know, because they are old. It looked like Luigi was having a seizure or something whenever I moved him XD Now, actual people having seizures is not funny, but when it's a pixellated plumber's assisstant, I have to admit that I found it rather amusing XDD
Kim and I left around...elevinish, I think, and then went to Kim's to hang out, and were there until about two. We then went to my house and sat in the car talking for about half an hour. It just struck me how vague my time-line is. XD; But anyway, I got home around 2:30 and then I cried to Hchano about how pissy I am at Situation Debbie right now.
Basically, the evening reminded me how much I enjoyed the talks in the gazibo at SAIL, and I'm sorry I dropped out, but that's the way it goes.

I decided last night that I will most likely never get to sleep normally agian. Something stupidly melodramatic will always get in the way of it for me right when I'm starting to readjust myself from the last stupid melodrama. ::stomps Debbie's face:: D8<

I was supposed to do something with The Hchano today, but I emotionally exhausted myself over Debbie's idiocy last night, so even though I actually went to sleep a lot earlier than I have been the last few days, I slept almost solidly for about eleven or twelve hours, and if she called at some point, I don't remember anything about it. I do remember mom coming in at some point and asking me something, and waving my hand at her...and then going back to sleep. xDD;;

I started a drawing last night, and got semi-far with the basic outlining process, and when I turned the computer on and opened up Photoshop to work on it...it was not..there. ::vomits gently:: Yeah. Craptacular, not craptastic. Ugh. I dunno if I will be able to do that hand again.

-Kchano <((_x)>

sanity was maintained @ 04:48 p.m.

Aw man. German is so awesome. You don't even know, man. xDD

Check out my GJ for the latest in Kchano CD cover arts! And don't forget the cat I drew for Blayne! It's so Jurrassic!

I don't know why I'm feeling so hyperish. Mentally, I mean. I could just as easily lie on the couch and watch TV for a while, but mentally speaking I'm all over the place. I think it's because this CD makes me so happy =3

The power of cobbler:
Ipsissimus Marr (10:58:35 PM): I have a sandwhich
Ipsissimus Marr (10:58:41 PM): Just thought you should know
KchanZombie (10:59:15 PM): Do you now.
KchanZombie (10:59:21 PM): I made peach cobbler today.
KchanZombie (10:59:29 PM): Just thought I'd tell you that.
KchanZombie (10:59:31 PM): XD
Ipsissimus Marr (10:59:33 PM): I'll be over in 30 min

Heh. I am the baker...Make no mistake. I like to bake. XDD ::highfives Aquabats::

::shrug::
Kpr Of Time io (11:08:03 PM): ~_~ all so complicated
KchanZombie (11:08:06 PM): I know xDD
KchanZombie (11:08:12 PM): But girls are complicated :/
KchanZombie (11:08:17 PM): So. You know.
Kpr Of Time io (11:08:17 PM): =P
KchanZombie (11:08:22 PM): It comes with the territory xF
Kpr Of Time io (11:08:26 PM): xD

I'mma go now, 'fore I sneeze my brain out. All that thinking about Physics. XDD; -Kchan <((_@)>

sanity was maintained @ 10:55 p.m.

I can't stop wavering from one emotion to another. They are mostly negative emotions, mixed with laughter that has a suspiciously hysterical sounding edge. At least I only hate you part of the time. It's an improvement from my previous record, believe me.
Usually I get bitter over things like this, but not this time. Something about you is different. I find myself only wanting to be your friend...probably because there has never been anything quite like this in my experience, so my reactions have varied.
Still, I am left feeling that it would be less complicated if I were to hate you. I can't seem to explain to anyone why, exactly, I don't. Everyone agrees that I should; that you are a liar. I must admit that I sometimes agree.
I also agree that the subject should be put into the garbage can, but it keeps cropping back up in various forms. It's wearing me down. But then, a lot of things are wearing me down just lately.

I think I should take a vacation from everything. In fact, I think everyone should take a vacation. They should disconnect and float free for a while, so they can remember what they were supposed to be doing with themselves, and what the point is to all of this. I do think there is a point. Honestly, I wonder about it from time to time, but I am quite sure there's a point, perhaps even more than one.

If you check out my GJ you will find a picture for Luke xD

Hmmm. I need to eat something before I pass out.

-Kchano <((_E)>

sanity was maintained @ 11:28 p.m.

Rather a long poem up on my GJ.

I'm really tired. More than usual. I haven't been able to sleep properly since That Night, and it is starting to wear me down. The human body can only take so much of this sort of thing before it gives up trying. Truly, it is not a pleasant thing to only find sleep when your mind is too exhausted to think clearly, and thus gives up keeping you awake with its constant rovings. And I need to not read any more books from the same period as Jane Eyre for a while. It's effecting my speech-patterns.

Sushi is good stuff. And miso soup does not look like dishwater. ::glares at Allen::

eXistenZ is a strange movie, and I am not entirely sure of my feelings about it.

Brain hurts.

-Kchano <((_@)>

sanity was maintained @ 08:44 a.m.

First of all: Happy birthday to Allen and Adrian!! 8DD

Hchano and I have finished with the GED testing. I think we passed. The math is a concern, of course, but I really think we managed it.

Spiffy arts at my GJ.

I am feeling good right now. I've gotten something important done. I've drawn something I'm really pleased with. I know it isn't perfect, but I like it a lot. I got two unexpected emails, one from Nafunu and one from Chris (Martineau). It was good to hear from them. I also got an IM from Blayne, and it made me happy to talk with him.

I think I might actually sleep tonight. I haven't been able to do that very well since J-Ville.

Two mixed cd's (and covers) need to be made today. Wish me luck, hokai? =3

-Kchano <((_~)>

sanity was maintained @ 03:16 a.m.