Boring layout that will never be finished by:
Monself

Citaat:
"Course eventually I left, with my friends, we rode the taxi back, some guy tried to fight Jon and I passed out watching Lady Snowblood and awoke to Terrible Feelings. I got on a train, then another train, then a bus, then eventually got out and walked back to my room as the sleet continued to fall. Straight down like pinstripes and I walking through it: Indifferent, but real." -Riaz

Why, if I refuse to try and push my beliefs on you, do you insist on trying to push yours on me? As with most double standards, it doesn't make much sense, but I understand that you're trying to make us work.

Thing is, because I refuse to try and get you to join up with the "spacey" (your word, thanks very much) Mormons, we won't work. Especially since you aren't interested in joining—just in trying to tear it down so that I'll leave, and thus, lacking religious reasons (next you'll go after my moral reasons, I'm guessing?), I'll be free to sleep with you.

Maybe one day I will be cold enough or angry enough to say this to your face.

In the meantime, GO PACKERS!

I really am okay, you know? I'm just incredibly tired of everything, and mildly terrified of doing something I will always regret come Saturday.

-K

Stockholm photos, as promised.

-K

Went shopping with Megan, Robert, and Melissa today. First we went to Black Bean and got delicious Cuban food, and then we got down to the purchasing. I won't go into details, but suffice it to that say I a fair number of new things to wear, that we spent most of the day shopping, and that we watched the newest Eddie Izzard DVD and ate pizza at Melissa's new place. I did not get home until around three. Since then, I've been getting Stockholm ready to post, so expect it when I'm not so pissed off at Photoshop anymore for freaking out and somehow closing all of my internet windows.

Seriously, wtf?

Seriously. I had all that frickHTML typed out, and I had fourty of the fifty descriptions typed with it, and then suddenly I look down and the windows are not there.

So, I've calmed myself down with some Ben Folds Five, and I'm going to rub Tim's ears, and probably snuggle with Hamma for a bit, and go to bed.

The pictures can wait.

-K

Here. Have some pictures of Oslo.

I hope you will all understand that the amount of pictures is preventing me from posting them all at once, especially since I've just now gotten the rest of the Berlin photos, and have to go scan them.

I also have to scan the photos that Kim took of my paintings (except the landscape, which is hideous and will eventually get gesso'd over). Then, I've got to work on my reference picture for class tomorrow...aka today.

Yeah.

On the bright side, I'm feeling fairly confident about the first MAT0002 test, and am not all that anxious in regards to my grades.

We discovered today that I've spent a fair amount of money on school, and that, since my parents claim me as a dependent (oh, so true...) they can claim it on their income tax. Score, I guess!

In WoW last night:
Brudence> Well, as we Aussies say, no worries, mate. :)
Helal (aka me)> Haha, I thought that was a stereotype. But I can't think of anything typically American to say in response. :(
Helal> Uhm. Go Packers?

In honor of Euro-Exploratory Expedition 2005-2006.

-K

So, Kchano, what have you been up to lately?

I have been making friends, I guess?

...carry on. >:(

::cough::

So yeah. School is decent. My painting is okay. I got a B+, and Ljiljana says if I finish it, she'll bump the grade up. I'll have to borrow an easel from Kim (I think she has one), and buy more purple. Oh well.

My first Math0002 test is today...I find myself not caring that much. That is to say, I'm not terribly worried at this point. The program I'm using in the class is making it a lot easier to pick things up, and honestly...you can only learn about this stuff so many times before it finally sinks in.

Why is it that the cats think the only way to get my attention is to poke at my bum? It just.... No.

Noah says I look as though I've lost a good ten pounds, or there-abouts. There's really no telling, since I didn't check my weight before I left for The Europas, especially since I don't entirely trust my mom's scale. Either way, my clothe still fit me. My face is thinner, though, but I didn't really notice that until after I was sick and then blew some one's heart up. :D;

::again, cough::

Speaking of which, he wants to see me next weekend. I am not entirely sure about it, but I do know that putting The Engine Driver on just now might not have been entirely unintentional.

Freudian!

This bottle of water is good until "MAY1307". I had no idea that water had a shelf life, but I guess it does start to taste unpleasantly of plastic after a while.

Mmm, The Cars! So deliciously 80's!

Just what I needed, perhaps?

(sorry...I couldn't resist)

-K

Neither my computer or my dad's seem to care do disclose the images I paid to have encapsulated on disks. Looks like I'm in for a long night of scanning.

I really, really don't have time for this, and there's still that one roll of film left in the friggin' camera, which I will hopefully remedy in art today.

-K

i've never broken anyone's heart before, if this is, indeed, what i have done. it remains to be seen.

it is an altogether self-loathsome sensation.

Some art from the trip. I also painted Maj's Christmas card, but Blayne has the only picture of it after it was really finished.

I'm still typing up the journal entries, so when I get that finished, I'll post some of it, and possibly anything else I remember from the trip.

Honestly though, some of it is pretty fuzzy and blurred together. I have to think hard about what museum was in which city.

I thought I was miserable in Oslo, but I've not been this sick in a long time.

-K

I miss it, but it is so good to be home.

-K

So, I've sent about half of the postcards I promised to send, and I've painted Maj's Christmas card. I have a new scarf that I plan to give to mom when I get back, and I have a cold that I plan to demolish as soon as possible.

I plan to come back to Stockholm. I'd like to live here for a while. The way I figure it, all of my friends seem pretty keen on not living anywhere near me, so I may as well move away, and they can lump it for a change.

I don't have much time left on the computer (you pay and you get a ticket and then you use up the time you paid for), so I guess I should go ahead and let you all know that I miss you, and that I love you, and that Europeans like to swear in English? And also, they have way better cocoa.

-K

Unless I think of anything else before we leave in the morning: Happy Holidays, Happy New Year, and to those with birthdays between now and January 8th, Happy Birthday!

So, the European Expedition will set sail (drive?) in twenty-three and a half hours, and I still have plenty of things to do. Luckily, I discovered while completing my take-home test for my Botany final, I can tune out the excitement when grades are on the line.

You see, I have become rather attached to the 4.0 that Ms. Price has so graciously bestowed upon me for acing ENC1101. And, while I know that I've got either a C or a D in Botany right now, I also know that the lowest grade I have on one of the tree tests I've taken so far will be factored out, so hopefully I can either keep the C or nudge it up to a B.

Either way, I'm going to lose the 4.0, but it was quite a morale booster while it lasted.

At times like this, I think of Harrison. Good grades in biologically-based classes always make me think of him. I just wish that biologically-based classes didn't also make me think of John, because when I think of him I am filled with emotions ranging from mild annoyance to intense dislike. I have said in the past that I hated John, but hate is a word that I feel shouldn't be slung around without discretion, so I am trying to reserve outright hatred for the more recent villains in my life.

So far, I have eighteen addresses to send postcards to. Well, ninteen postcards, and a letter. It'll be twenty addresses if I can get ahold of Luna tonight, and twenty-one if I can get ahold of Rob. It remains to be seen. I also might send one to Mum, and maybe Kyle (and probably other people that will get added at the last minute...and I haven't heard from Kristen yet), so.... I have a lot of stamps to buy.

Supposedly something is happening with Stephen tonight. There was talk of seeing the lights at Dorothy B., but if it rains I am, in fact, not down with that.

I have to lug my arts home today. I've got some film in my camera that needs to get used, so mayhaps I'll find the time to get some photos taken of my paintings. I'd prefer to do it with a digital camera, so's I can make sure I get good shots and all that handiness, but we shall have to make do with the resources we possess.

I hunger, and so it is now peanut butter jelly spaghettios time. With a baseball bat (that was for you, Megatron, Robert, and Melu).

Enjoy the end of your American December and the start of your American January, suckers!

-K

Oh man, that popsicle was insanely good.

Insanely.

I want another.

The wedding was okay. Petrea and I looked fabulous, and nothing terribly disastrous happened, so I guess...nothing much to report? OH. I almost died like, eight times that day. Man, that was crazy. And then like, three people winked at me randomly.

Hey Hchano. The first track of Songs for Silverman didn't send properly, so I only have about a minute of it? REMEDY THIS SITUATION.

I just want you all to know that Ben Folds is a genius, and I love his music. The end.

Now that that's all out of the way, how's about I talk about Europe?

Yeah, I'm down with that.

Blayne has the schedule up on his livejournal, so I won't bother to put it here. Suffice it to say that we're leaving on Saturday, and today I'm finally going to go buy clothes for the trip. And I should really be sleeping, but I slept all day today, so I also need to check blackboard, so's I don't fail Botany.

So's so's so's.

If I left anyone out of the message-sending about postcards, gimme your address before Saturday, and I'll try and find you a cool postcard in Europe. I'm thinking of taking my watercolors with me, so I may end up making some of them. Just so's you know.

-K

Debbie's wedding is in about fifteen hours. She spent yesterday and the night before vomiting so violently from the hangover she got at her bachelorette party that she's burst the blood vessels in her face.

Her face is an interesting purplish-red.

Just like Dustin's is pretty much all of the time.

I wonder...does this mean that he is secretly bulemic? If so, I might possibly find some small portion of caring for him in the harsh, dark, stony place he holds in my heart.

Big as he is, though, that type of eating disorder seems highly unlikely.

I bought my train pass a little while ago, and I got the problem of my semester fees for Spring taken care of.

I'm hoping that some one in J-Ville will find it in their heart to come to the airport and get me, so that I can visit with Lu. I'll most likely be jetlagged and exhausted, but I miss her, and even though she sounded well on the phone when I called her, I can't help but worry, and want to see her. I'd only be able to stay a few hours, because my first class starts the day right after we get back, but I figure that since my schedule will be all crazy from Europe, a couple of hours won't matter so long as I get to see the Jax crew. HAHA. JCREW. HAH!

Hah.

I have not had nearly enough sleep lately, I swear, it just keeps getting worse and worse. So much stress, see?

I did so well on my Painting I final, though, that Julie asked me to bring my project back in March so she can put it on exhibit.

ON EXHIBIT, YAN.

And since I'm not getting paid for this, I am not being tainted or whatever the crap it was he was complaining about with his broken-English'd yammering of "merchands".

I think now would be an acceptable time to say "BOO" and "YAH" together, with an exclaimation mark at the end. Also, "Suck it, fatty!" seems like it might be rather pleasing here.

Dear Yan,

I know there are more talented artists out there. I have not been blinded by pride. I know that there are people out there who will not see my work as art, and there are people who will not like it. I'm okay with that, and I accept it. I know what art is to me, and I know that I can't define it for anyone else. I can only seek a common thread, and try to follow that thread as I use whatever medium I'm currently working with to express myself.

Who is the "artist" Yan? Is it the closed-minded man who will not listen? The man who claims to have sold pieces and to have had work on exhibit, but at the same time rants at the people who will sell those pieces of art and take advantage of people? Is it the art school graduate?

Or is it the girl who is in it for the sheer love of art? Is it the girl who loves learning new things and keeping an open mind about art, and life, and music?

P.S.: Did you know that ENC1101 covers rhetoric? Well, it does, Yan.

Enough of that, though. Highfives for everyone! I have conquered my bitter anger and passed my Painting I class with much success and joy!

-K

I finally registered for classes.

Mon/Wed: MAT002 (different teacher this time)

Tue/Thur: ART2501C (Painting II)

TCC appears to have had a fight with my debit card recently, because it won't let me pay on-line this time around. I'll have to squeeze in the time to talk to a counselor or something, I suppose.

My art project is coming along nicely, and I've figured out what it is about that guy that gets to me, which is a relief. At least now I can attempt to stele myself against it before I encounter him. The root (Haha! Stele! Root!) of the problem makes me feel like I'm back in highschool, which is a place I don't want to be ever again. As much as I loved SAIL, and (most of) the teachers, and (some of) the students, I was depressed a lot more back then, and I don't much care for the person I was at that point in my life.

I'm still on a bit of a self-esteem high from my hair cut. Every day, people have told me how cute it is, and how great it looks. It's nice to feel pretty for a change, but I'll try not to let it go to my head (har har har).

Maybe, if I can knock this math class out of the way, I can take Julie's jewelry making class next semester (which would totally rock).

What with Europe, the chance to visit my Lunalove when we hit J-Ville on the return trip, and the new semester fast approaching, the future is looking quite pleasing.

-K

Semi-productive time at Blayne's tonight. We spent more time joking around and talking about computer-related issues, most of which was lost on me. We didn't really do much besides decide that we need a lot more jiggawatts, and duck-proof boots. Or something.

Blayne swears a lot more than I remember. Or maybe I just never noticed before because I was doing it, too.

Painfully slow progress was made tonight on my final project. I will be sad that this class is over, sort of.

I took too long in trying to find classes for the spring semester, and now I can't find any that I want to take. I'm wondering if I should wait a bit, and see if I can find something a little closer to the Great European Departure Date. I honestly am wondering if this is really what I want. Do I really care about getting a degree, or do I really just want to play with paint, and not do anything terribly productive?

Well...yes, and no. I'd like to have a degree, but I don't care about a lot of the things on the required list of classes that I have to take. I have absolutely no love at all for math. I'm barely pulling a C in Botany (the 4.0 was nice while it lasted, anyway), and I've always been more inclined towards staring at clouds rather than pay attention to what the different kinds of clouds are, and what they consist of (although I do know that, at least).

Times like this, I wish I paid more attention to what was going on around me, and was more motivated. Or maybe had a job and a car (and could get some one to friggin' consistently teach me to drive).

I feel unresolved and hurried. Debbie's wedding is in four days, and I just want it to go away. It's one more thing going on that I don't want to bother with at the moment, and it's one more thing that I can't avoid.

At least my new haircut is hot enough to have stopped Evan in his tracks. Oh yes. He did a double take.

It felt fabulous.

-K

Pen sketches.

-K

Hey kid.

Want some art?

First click's free.

Anyhow. Robert is done dinking around with my motherboard for the time being, and I've taken care of some issues with my on-linage, so maybe I'll actually talk to people on AIM when I'm done with finals and Debbie's wedding, and planning the trip. I need to nag mom about calling my aunt to get info about cheaper winter clothes that I can layer with, and to nag dad about getting the address of Das Hägglen (dude, H, you should have been there for that).

So yeah. I have a life now, kind of, and I sorely miss being a lazy bum.

-K

My Norton subscription ran out, and I can't find my subscription key number. Hence, the reason that I am not on at all now, instead of just being on very infrequently.

Enjoy yourselves some turkey (or your prefered vegetarian substitute), and if you have my number, you're welcome to give me a call, since it is now the only way to contact me. You know, other than sending me an actual letter, coming by my house, or by carrier pidgeon.

Sorry. That's just the way it is.

-K

Lots of praying going on for various people I care about. It makes me realize how bleak and hopeless I'd be without some kind of system of faith to support me.

H and J were in town, which was awesome, even though I didn't get to see them as much as I would have liked. They also didn't get to stay very long (they got here late Saturday, and left today), but a little bit of Chano is better than none at all.

Today, Loran turned twenty-eight. Strange and exciting!

And, today, I skipped school. Yesterday I was genuinely ill, but today was just plain hookie for the sake of Chanolove.

I had forgotten how uncomfortable it is in the computer room, on dad's comp, so that will have to be all for now, since I spent a great deal of the night sitting here working on an assignment for Botany.

-K

Stayed home from school and slept until after four. I've been feeling sick and pushing myself pretty hard lately, so it's not much of a shock. I usually get to the point where I can't keep moving a lot sooner than this, so actually I'm pretty pleased with myself for lasting this long.

Megan brought over the second DVD of Home Movies season one (I think?), and we watched it after Russ and Leslie left with the boys. Brendon Small is so awesome.

After consulting with Robert, I ordered a new motherboard. The two to three day shipping was actually a good price, so I went ahead and shelled out the extra money for it, so yeah. I should be able to get some gaming in with Heather soon. I've missed WoWing with her. Anyone who has ever played a game like WoW knows the value of a good group. It was nice playing with J-D because he usually gave me the good loot, or made spiffy gear for me for free, but it isn't quite the same as playing with my best friend.

I need to cleam my room like what.

-K

Mmmmm, it's the I'm Ignoring You Until You Make the First Move game! Fun with awkward social situations for everyone! Woo!

Seriously though, it's childish and I was having none of that foolishness screwing with my artistic zen. So I went and talked to him first, despite the fact that I'm fairly confident that I could have made him come to me first. It really is stupid and pointless to act that way, especially since he claims to have had a fun time after our little blow-out. Actually, I'm rather amused by the fact that he didn't even acknowledge me when I came in. Can't really blame him, either.

I swear, that's the last time I let a guy I'm not completely certain of my feelings for kiss me on a park bench. Or anyplace, for that matter.

I should make that my New Year's resolution, since I can never think of anything decent: No more spit swapping with guys I'm not entirely certain of. Of course, now I'm going to run into some European hottie on my trip, and will have to hide behind my traveling companions.

My hamstrings are aching because of the weird work out I got at Megan's. Having Derek and Noah to help me with the weight training thing has really spoiled me. I didn't have much initiative, and I lost count a lot because I can't count reps and talk to people at the same time. Also, Megan's conversational skills are excellent, and I'm usually fairly involved in what we're talking about. But lunch was quite satisfying, and I got some cardio in, so...rock on, I guess.

The front yard smells like pine needles. The house smells like gingerbread. It is that time of year again. You know, the chilly time. So why was there a warm breeze this afternoon? I am disgruntled by this distinct lack of coldness, especially since I was kind of hoping to use it like the showers by a public pool. You know, sort of get ready to jump into the really cold stuff.

Yep.

-K

Today, Hammah (because Hammah is way better than Ham) discovered that she fits perfectly in the bathroom sink. This is not the first time I've noticed now egg-shaped she is, but it's the first time I've seen it when she's lying on her side. Overall, a near-vomitously adorable experience.

I'm just going to keep telling myself that this is a rough patch that I will ultimately grow from in the end. Things tend to work out that way anyhow, so all I have to do is keep reminding myself that one of these days things will be okay.

Also, I need to buy clothes for Europe. Seriously. It's a little over a month away, and I have no clothes that are anywhere near warm enough. I might possibly be able to find some basic things from the more northern regions of the U.S., which should hopefully cut shipping costs (rather than order things from Europe...particularly since I have no idea what sizing is like over there).

Sometimes I look at my bank statements and kind of wish we'd thought this through a little better. It's not that I'm miserly...I just happen to like my money right where it is, earning interest.

Hopefully I will be able to remember to get some more concrete information about the Art/Humanities study in Italy, because then I'll know what kind of numbers I'm aiming for, money-wise.

Guess I'll go shopping, then.

-K

--EDIT, 1:16 a.m.--

Or...maybe think about watching a movie instead of sleeping.

TAKE THAT, RESPONSIBILITY!

Enjoy a drink some art now and then.

Points awarded for those who catch my reference.

I don't want to go to school tomorrow. I want to stay in bed and think about things, and maybe feel sorry for myself (just a little bit, though).

I checked out my GPA on the TCC website...as of right now, I've got a 4.0, which is mega-awesome. Particularly since my grade for my English class is up as well. I have an A (shocking!) according to the site, so I guess Ms. Price enjoyed all the junk I made up for the final.

Maybe I analyze things to death most some of the time, but at least I sort of understand a few of my motives in this whole mess. I keep catching myself wondering what Tuesday will bring. Once while contemplating this (when I was mostly asleep), I dreamt that I was shot in the back whilst painting. My heart exploded, splattering blood and heart-chunks all over my half-completed self-portrait. I involuntarily tried to raise my hands to my chest as I crumpled to the floor amidst the horrified gasps of my classmates, who stood aghast at their easles, watching my blood spread across the floor, turning my white shirt to crimson.

It was very colorful.

Normally, I don't think about dying, and certainly not in violent ways, so this surprised me. It was, however, a definate solution to the problem.

Because people get arrested for hitting on dead girls, see?

-K

I don't like animal print clothes, I've decided. I do not live in the jungle. When I live in the jungle, I'll make sure I pack lots of animal print clothing, so I'll fit in properly, and be able to blend in with the shadows.

-K