I'm a fairy, I don't need no...*MAGIC SHOES*

Love Triangles and Other Shapes

Personally I can't really stand love triangle in fanfiction mostly cos I'm one of those crazy OTP type fans who doesn't like to read about the competition ships (my one exception is probably well written shishi and egoshipping provided that there is one sided pokeshipping on the side which usually does accompany those two), but I do realize there are a lot out there. And a lot of the time you have no idea which way it's going to go until you're thoroughly invested in a fic (which sucks once you find out its not your OTP). In CCS it isn't really a problem at all because S+S is canon and the only other pairing I'm interested in is T+N and I appreciate a good Y+T+N because I consider them my OTT (for reasons that I do not need to discus here) so what I'm really talking about it Pokemon.

Anyway, I sort of came up with some general rules that you can follow for working out what way its going to go when faced with a daunting 30 chapter story.

First and foremost is age-gaps - these will determine outcome _most_ of the time. This is because smaller age gaps tend to somehow justify the outcome for the person writing e.g. well of course x choose y, he/she is closer to his/her age. EXAMPLES:

In a Ash/Gary/Misty triangle Gary will win 9/10 times. There's nothing you can do to stop it, either way the gap is smaller with Gary than Ash and Misty given that both Gary and Misty are obviously older than Ash, but Gary is obviously younger than Misty. If the ages gradation is written any way other than this then that will usually give it away - if a person has gone against canon in order to depict Misty as younger than Ash then they have done this in an attempt to strengthen future argument for why Ash and Misty should be together and not Misty and Gary/Ash and Gary. It's quite straightforward.

A slightly more complicated shape: Ash/Misty/May/Dawn. Dawn will never be a part of the final ship unless the gap between May and Dawn is too small to matter or the author debunks canon which indicates that Dawn is younger than May, May is younger than Ash, and Ash is younger than Misty. That means when faced with this you will almost inevitably be talking about Advance vs. Poke. Most Advanceshippers are of the opinion that Misty is not right for Ash because that she is older than them so they will try to emphasise this point. Even if the gap between Ash and Misty and Ash and May were the same, it would be posed in such as way as to make Misty the inappropriate choice, for example, if it's a one year gap, Ash will be 17 making Misty 18 and May 16 and it is clearly wrong for an 18 year old to go out with a 17 year old because it is statutory rape, but as Ash and May are both minors its fine. Age gap will always determine the outcome in Advance vs. Poke.

On the subject of Advance vs. Poke, if you're still unsure then there is one thing that will always give it away: if the author describes May as Ash's best friend then you are looking at an Advance piece. Such a description gives May a head start in the love game and is considered a pretty inaccurate description by most - Pikachu is Ash's best friend. Ash's human best friend is someone not present in the Advance series because he clearly states that his best friend has left him - I'm not saying it's Misty, cos it might not be he could be talking about Gary for all we know or even Tracey which would be strange, but plausible. (On a side note, if Delia dies the most appropriate comforter for Ash is Brock or Misty or Gary, as they have spent the most time with Delia and have experienced the loss of parents in some way)

If the competing pairings are yaoi/yuri vs. straight, yaoi will probably win. No point proffering a potential yaoi/yuri pairing if you're not going to go through with it. It takes more effort to establish a plausible samesex couple, so you would never go to all the effort if you weren't going to follow through, and the possibility of a character having other sexual preferences detracts away from the perfectness of your OTP where the pair is straight. It's just logic.

First in first serve tends to be a relevant factor. The character that got in first has put in more long term effort, so therefore they seem to deserve the person in the end. This is especially relevant in highschool fics - the bestfriend almost always wins.

Fandomness: Things I believe only exist in fanfiction

As the title suggests, this is a list of things that I believe only exist in fanfiction. It is obviously an incomplete list, and I'll probably add to it as more come to mind, but this is it to begin with.
1. The use of Mist (although I prefer Myst) as a nickname that Ash uses for Misty in Pokemon.
2. 'Pikapi' and 'Pikachupi' which apparently mean Ash and Misty in Pikachu.
3. Many of the last names acquired for main characters. 'Waterflower/Yawa', 'Slate/Stone' and others
4. Syaoran's manwhoredom. It seems to be a common theme
5. Sakura's hair being described as 'auburn' and Syaoran's eyes as 'amber'
6. Ash and Misty's infamous (in the fandom) 'DID NOT!' 'DID TOO!' fights - I honestly cannot for the life of me remember seeing them on the show.
7. Brock's true eye colour.
8. Relationships where people tell each other love each other before they've even kissed - even though I'm as bad as everybody else on this one, I always think quite rationally to myself even as I'm writing them that they're bound to realize that the love they have for one another is brother/sisterly and that they will feel the urge to throw up almost as soon as they're done kissing
9. Birthdays. I know the characters must have a birthday, but they don't seem to celebrate them on the shows, but they are constantly referred to in fanfiction, after all, how else would the characters get older.
10. Psychics who only use their powers for good. If I could read someone's mind I would be doing that like all the time and then embarrassing people with the information that I picked up
11. The bf (either meaning appropriate here) that spends months on end looking for the perfect gift (as you can see some of these refer to them not existing in life generally and others to the nonexistance on the show).
12. School - it's not something that is ever mentioned in Pokemon, but we all assume that Ash must have had to have had some kind of formal education before they just let him loose on the world.
13. Growthspurts - why can none of us accept that Misty's might just always be taller than Ash? Sometimes that's what you get in the genetic lottery.
14. Cyprus - it is a commonly used name in reference to Ash's disappeared father. It's not like its even cannon (as far as I know) but there is a significant portion of writers making use of this name. Some reasons for his disappearance are more popular than others - I usually like to kill him in some horribly tragic way, but that's just me.
15. Ying Fa as Syaoran's pet name for Sakura. I'm more than certain that this one is not cannon. I'm not even really sure whether Ying Fa even means Sakura let alone whether Syaoran would be likely to use it.
16. The number of siblings that Brock has. Varies between fanfics. There doesn't seem to be an agreed upon number even between stories by the same author, but you won't find much help in cannon.
17. Reference to TouyaxYukito as Yaoi. Yukito is genderless, so technically speaking a malexgenderlessgaurdian pairing does not count as Yaoi.
18. Brock's insight and support of AAML.
19. On the subject of Brock, him controlling himself around a girl other than Jesse and Misty who he obviously views as genderless.
20. Pikachu's gender. This probably applies to like digimon and stuff too.
21. Sakura seems to be a ridiculously common name.
22. Only in fanfiction do X and Y kiss and think it didn't mean anything to the other person. This is only really acceptable in the following situations: a. where X and Y have been forced to kiss either by custom (mistletoe) or a play or the force of gravity; b. when one or more of the parties is drunk (and I mean really drunk); c. when one or more of the parties has no idea who they just kissed; d. when one of the parties does not react to the kiss; e. when as soon as the kiss ends one of the parties professes to the other that the kiss meant nothing. Of course none of these situations preclude the existence of meaning, but you get the idea
Well that's all I could think of for now, but will add as more come to mind. Wonder if anyone can think of any from other fandoms.

Just had a strange thought to finish this off with: So the saying goes that "All's fair in love and war" only I've recently discovered that not everything is fair in war and it leaves me wondering where does love stand? Apparently in war it is not fair to shoot at civilians or use them as a human shield and what not, which goes to show that all may be fair in war (and perhaps therefore love) provided that you're not deliberately bringing innocent bystanders into the warzone against their will. And more to that point, there seems to be some duty to minimize (or mitigate - your choice there) the carnage in a war, therefore, if love and war are truely analogous as the saying suggests then there must be an analogous duty in love. Or perhaps they really are the same and there real truth is that nothing is fair in love OR war to such an extent to make the very concept of fair and just meaningless, therefore, all is fair but in a very roundabout unfair way . . .

Randomness

This was so disturbing I just had to put it up. First thing, pick 10. original characters: 1. Ayumi 2. Catamoran 3. TriMewtant 4. Kristen 5. Garnet 6. Patrick 7. Will 8. Melissa 9. Parker 10. VW
1) 4 invites 3 and 8 to dinner at their house. What happens? I suspect it would mean the end of he world as we know it. Here are my three most evil OC's in the same room. Kirsten tried to kill Ash. Melissa tried to destroy Misty emotionally. TriMewtant has killed before and will kill again . . . on my command so I suppose he can't be blamed.
2) 9 tries to get 5 to go to a yoga class. What happens? Can't Imagine there being much difficulty there. Parker and Garnet are pretty amiable characters.
3) You need to stay at a friend’s house for the night. Do you choose 1 or 6? Oh definitely 6. Ayumi was only created to fill the role of rival, where as I like to think of Patrick as Patrick Dempsy meets Shane Filan. I am so staying there.
4) 2 and 7 are making out. 10 walks in...Their reaction? Oh that is so incredibly messed up - Catamoran is supposed to be what happens when you force a Persian to evolve. That is the sickest wrongest thing ever. And VW (aka me - well a characterisation) would agree.
5) 3 falls in love with 6. 8 is jealous. What happens? TriMewtant (a pokemon once again), falls in love with Garnet (a person by the way) and Melissa is jealous. I guess she would try to win them back by causing Garnet misery - at least form my experience of Melissa.
6) 4 jumps you in a dark alleyway. Who comes to your rescue? 10, 2 or 7? Oh shit. Kristen in a dark alley, I am so freaking screwed and I'm not being sarcastic cos that bitch is like scarey. Catamoran is Kristen's toy so I'm screwed on 2. Will is a chicken and he drops after one punch so by the looks of things I'm stuck saving myself. It's ok, VW usually has burly men on hand - at least she did in Dude, Where's My Plot?
7) 1 decides to start a cooking show. 15 minutes later what is happening? The signature chef's uniform has been redesigned and is now available in twenty seven different shades of pink. Ash is now her assistant, scantily clad in something that resembles a ninja/pirate outfit but for some insane reason requires him to be shirtless. The entire audience has died from food poisoning.
8) 3 has to marry either 8,4 or 9. Who do they chose? TriMewtant would probably just kill them all. I'd say Parker if he really had to choose, but only cos VW is his master and that's who she/I/we would choose.
9) 7 kidnaps 2 and demands something from 5 for 2's release. What is it? Will would probably demand the total obliviation of Ash's social standing, but seeing as 2 almost killed her, she probably wouldn't pay up.
10) You get to meet either 1 or 6. Who do you chose? Didn't we already ask this question? And didn't I already say Patrick 'McDreamy Crooner' Filan?
11) 10 challenges 4 to a chariot race. Why? Because the pen is mightier than the sword.
12) Everyone gangs up on 3. Does 3 have a chance in hell? Interesting choice of words there, but yes, more than a chance. TriMewtant would simply blow everybody up with its mind.
13) Everyone is invited to 2 and 10 wedding except for 8. How do they react? VW and Catamoran are getting married. That's even wronger because I'm involved. Melissa would be very very pissed over the fact that she's not invited even though she has no idea who these 'people' are and wouldn't even want to go anyway.
14) Why is 6 afraid of 7? Why is Patrick afraid of Will? Because Will has nothing to lose and when you have nothing to lose, that's when you become unpredictable. Patrick does not like people who take risks - he's a very calculated person.
15) 10 gathers everyone around to tell them a fairy tale. How does it go? It starts badly, platau's a little in the middle and in the end they all live happily ever after.
16) 1 arrives late for 2 and 10's wedding. What happens? And why are they late? Because Kristen has kidnapped them all and is now holding them hostage in exchange for the key's to Emerald City and a case full of Red Bull.
17) 5 and 9 get roaring drunk and end up at your house. What happens? I probably take advantage of Parker while Garnet drunk dials Brock from the next room completely forgetting that he still has no idea that she was actually stalking him when they met. It's complicated.
18) 3,8,6 and 4 all go to the zoo for 8's birthday party. How does it go? What presents do they get 8? It starts well but then Melissa has a paddy because they all went with off the list. TriMewtant made her a gift voucher for if she ever wanted anybodies head blown up. Patrick brought her to Tiffany's but then just gave her the spare engagement ring he had lying around the house. Kristen offered to take someone out of her, which was even worse because it was pretty much identical to 3's gift (unless of course you know somebody who can survive having their head blown off).
19) Everyone gets together and starts protesting something outside of your house. What are they protesting? What do you do? They're probably protesting against their unfair sterotypical characterizations inside this random fandom thing. I ignore them and then write a short paragraph explaining how their memories were all wiped by a freak hail storm.
20) 9 murders 2’s best friend. What does 2 do to get back at them? Parker wouldn't hurt a fly - unless of course that fly hurt someone close to Parker first. Catamoran would just use deadly nightshade on them. He's killed before . . . the fact that they came back to life is irrelevant. I think they had a cillerillo box or something.
21) 6 and 1 are in mortal danger. Only one of them can survive. Does 6 save themselves or 1? Go on Patrick. Let Ayumi die. He knows he has more good to do in the world that she does. Why is this thing so obsessed with those two in the same question.
22) Which one of them is most likely to fail at life? Which one of who? All of them or Patrick and Ayumi? Things end badly for both of them, but I think Patrick can have things work well if he just stops focusing on his love life and more on his career. So Ayumi I guess.
23) 5 is trapped in a cave. 10 comes to rescue them. What happens? VW takes out a pen, writes a short illegible paragraph and then suddenly Garnet is no longer in the cave with nothing properly explained or resolved. Ta da!
24) 3 starts a day camp. What happens? It ended badly . . .
25) 4,6, and 7 are doing the Hokey-Pokey. 8 walks in. What happens? She get's really really pissed over the fact that they didn't include her. This is even worse than that wedding she wasn't invited to with people she didn't like that time when everybody but her was kidnapped by that crazy girl. This totally sucks.
26) 1 starts to write a fan-fiction where 9 and 10 are going out. What is 2's reaction? It repeats the sylabels of it's name several times in a long complicated pattern, but nobody understands what it's talking about and so we move on.
27) 7 makes an apple pie. Is it any good? I wouldn't touch it if I was you. Last time he offered someone a drink it was laced with god knows what and had them knocked out cold. I'd be very suspicious of any attempt by him to be domestic.
28) 8 and 3 go camping. For some reason they forget to bring any food. What do they do? They fight to the death - loser get's eaten. TriMewtant defeats Melissa in battle only to remember that he has the ability to teleport and therefore the whole thing was rather futile. He teleports himself away, leaving Melissa to save herself.
29) While they are camping, they run into The Blair Witch. What do they do? (If you haven't seen that movie pretend they ran into the Bogyman or something like that instead.) The Blair Witch realizes that it has just come face to face with pure evil (by this point TriMewtant has already teleported far away) and runs away crying and screaming.
30) The quiz is over. What does everyone go to do now? Ayumi goes back to her alternative universe waiting for everyone to discover that she doesn't really belong there (Spoiler much). Catamoran and Kristen go back to wherever Togepei sent them using Ultimate Metronome - I suspect they're dead. TriMewtant goes back to the Jerry Springer show where he is on the very precipice of bring May to her DOOM. Garnet goes back to wherever Brock is only to discover that in her absence I have taking a fancy to MangaShipping and she has now been replaced by Sabrina of Saffron. Patrick returns to his political compaigning. Once in power he intend to pass a law whereby accepting a proposal bounds you to complete the entire marriage transaction regardless of any feelings you may have for certain brown eyed black haired Pokemon Masters. Will and Melissa will go back to college where they are both 10 demerits from being kicked out for good. Virgo Writer will go back to the Jerry Springer show where she is orchestrating a very complicated scenario intend to get Ash and Misty and find Brock a girlfriend.