Friday, January 30, 2004 - Too High, Can't Come Down

Apparently, my parents like Bill Maher. I never knew. My mother thinks he is a genius. You should have heard her gushing about his intellligence. Their love for him has something to do with his appearances on Larry King, talking about the falsehoods of religion. I knew my parents were liberal when it came to religion, but I never knew they were this firm on their beliefs.

I am nearly ready to burn my next CD. All I need is one more track that is less than 5 and a half minutes long. Then I'll have more glorious music to keep my company on those long, cold train rides I always take. Faaaaantastic!

Dammit, I wish my friends were more internet-inclined. How cool would it be to read each other's blogs? As it is, I'm lucky to get emails from them every few months. They're busy little bitches, and I love 'em all.

~ Temptation took over at 08:51 p.m.

Wednesday, January 28, 2004 - The Witching Hour Cometh

I'm listening to Ani Difranco and feeling absolutely mellow right now. All I need is a beach-side luxury condominium and life would be perfect. I'd love to talk about why I love her music so much, but that would be pointless. You can't translate emotion into words. Not perfectly at least. All I know is that listening to her music usually makes me want to dance. Dancing is good. I think I'm acutally suffering from withdrawal right now. It's been so long since I've graced a club with the honour of my presence.

It would be interesting if some scholar somewhere decided to do research into how humans of the Caucasian persuasion managed to end up the dominating force on the planet. Honestly, I want to know. Does it have something to do with the eventual flourishing of Christianity? Was it a completely chance occurrance? I know that there is a novel by Kim Stanley called 'The Years of Rice and Salt' that offers an alternative perspective. It's a tale about the fate of earth's history if Europe had been decimated by the bubonic plague in the 1300s. I definately want to read it some day. Stanley, after all, wrote the Martian Chronicles.

I used to feel a certain sense of bitterness and rage for the way Europeans annihilated the native cultures of North and South America during colonization. But in one of my classes I learned that the destruction of these civilizations may have been caused predominately by disease rather that violence. Entire cities were wiped out by Old World diseases. But that doesn't lessen the tragedy of the native people in the New World. *sigh* The human race has so much to be accountable for. Yet, the older I get the more I realize that chance plays a powerful role in our history.

~ Temptation took over at 11:21 p.m.

Wednesday, January 28, 2004 - Yo Ho Ho And A Bottle of Rum

Whooooo, I am at home, skipping school. It is ever so snowy outside. If I was ten years younger, I'd be out there making snow forts. Instead, I am posting. Hah.

I have a ton of pictures that I want to work into layouts, but I seem to have hit a roadblock in creativity. I want to try something a little more difficult, but it is super hard. I'm stumped. What I really want make are borders/frames that look like metal. You know, texturized. But I stink at them. Oh dear, I guess it's back to convention I go. At least my conventional methods look quite nice.

I was trying to find a picture of the gold coin from PotC, but I cannot find it anywhere. And then I find out avatarity.com might have it. But the server is down or something. Curses, foiled again.

~ Temptation took over at 3:36 p.m.

Wednesday, January 28, 2004 - Spiritually. Ecumenically. Gramatically.

Heehee. Savvy! Savvy! I can't get over the word!! Who the hell came up with it?! Did pirates really speak like that back in the day??

*sweatdrop* Er, just had to get that out of my system. Heh. Savvy. Johnny Depp is a fucking genius.

~ Temptation took over at 01:17 a.m.

Wednesday, January 28, 2004 - Whoring It Up

Eheheheheh... changed the layout again. Even though my Hinoto layout was wonderful, Sakura-chan kicks more bootie than that. I can't get over the sheer breath-taking coolness of this layout. It is by far my greatest creation. *beams* I think it will stay around for awhile. Letse here, must give acknowledgements... the brushes 141 and 144 came from 8nero.net

I submitted my Chobits layout to Duklyon-Cafe. Now the waiting game begins. It took her over 4 months to put my submissions up the last time around. But she says that she'll have spare time on her hands in the near future. So... here's to hoping I'm approved. *crosses fingers*

I am still confused by the fact that one of my close friends has a boyfriend that she won't say anything about. I know nothing about the guy. And for some reason I can't bring myself to ask her any questions. She's had major guy issues in the past, methinks. It's hard to bring up a subject that was once so taboo.

I finally realized that people that create dolls (the virtual kind) have real artistic talent. Anyone can find a wallpaper, give it a border and turn it into a layout. But it takes skills to draw and paint hair/clothes/accessories onto a 2D image and make it look good. Respect!

2003 was a really bad year for my face. My complexion is so utterly scarred from the blemishes of the past ten months. I can't understand why it happened. I usually break-out when I'm stressed. But I felt significantly less stressed this past year than I ever had before. Plus, they usually just went away, sans scars. Not anymore. Maybe my hormones are changing. I keep thinking that my bad skin is holding me back from meeting potential interests. I always think the cutest girls have nice skin. You can cosmetically remove scars with a laser, right?

Wow, it's the end of January already. Before I know it I'll be 37.

~ Temptation took over at 12:46 a.m.

Sunday, January 25, 2004 - You Should See 'Gothic Lolita Rose Fantasy'

Egads, there are so many pictures on my hardrive right now, just waiting to be turned into layouts. For the next few months my time will be fully used up by one project or another. I just put the finishing touches on a Chobits layout that I'm planning on submitting to Duklyon-Cafe. All I have left is to make the extras (button, splash and banner), change the colours of the links, and zip the entire thing up. *shakes head* It's so goddamn pink. Chii tends to do that to me.

Hmm, what else... well, I got my eyebrows waxed today. This, on the surface, seems like a good thing. But the problem is that despite the fact that the logical part of me knows it looks good, another part thinks I look eeeeevil. There's no rational explanation. I have perfectly sculpted and shaped eyebrows, but I somehow think like I look like a vampire/megalomaniac or something. Gah, it's late and I'm not making sense.

~ Temptation took over at 11:47 p.m.

Wednesday, January 21, 2004 - I Can't Believe They Actually Did This

It's things like this that make me happy that I'm not American.

Canada, I stand on guard for thee.

~ Temptation took over at 09:06 p.m.

Monday, January 19, 2004 - Neo Vs. Luke Vs. Phoenix

So last night I spontaneously decide to pick up Unifying Force again. I end up finishing it up at three in the morning. I just couldn't put it down once I got into it. It was awesome. I couldn't get to sleep for almost an hour after I turned off the lights because my heart was pouding with excitement and my mind was whirling with revelations. I'm so inspired now. Many a Star Wars fic is running through my mind. I have a hard time writing AU fics in the face of new developments, so finishing the entire story arc has let me free to finally let loose my creativity. I'm thinking of a fic that centers on some of the characters that didn't get as much development or attention as I'd hoped. Or maybe a fic that centers on some of the female characters. I also want to explore some unanswered questions. Like: What did Sekot tell Danii to leave her so breathless and make her want to stay on the planet? I mean, the book was excellent and all, but I'd still only give it 8/10.

I am not good at writing poetry, but a few lines came to me as I was sitting on the train today. Inspired by the feelings I get from throwing myself into Star Wars, X-Men, Matrix and electronica music, I give you my strange attempt at an art I once hated muchly...

Furious Angels
I stand in the gaze of the furious angels,
hair screaming heavenly fire
and eyes dripping honeyed contempt.
I'm bound, rooted and a little in awe
that such heat and power could ever exist.

Enh. It's not much. This is what happens when you try to translate an emotion into words.

My brother is not coming home this weekend. He is a busy, busy little boy. Such are the ways of the driven.

I am royally pissed off at Adobe ImageReady for being such an absolute bastardo. That thing is the antithesis of user friendly. I spit in its general direction.

I feel like there was more I had to say, but I can't think of anything else. Whatever. I think I will watch X2 tonight.

~ Temptation took over at 05:59 p.m.

Sunday, January 18, 2004 - Any Relation to DaVinci's Inquest?

Am beginning to wonder if I will ever finish Unifying Force. I think I will keep it around so that if I'm ever in a pinch I will have reading material at my disposal. But I've already chosen my next conquest, The Da Vinci Code. I heard it was good. Don't know if I'll like the wrter's style, but it's worth a shot. Too bad I couldn't find it at Chapters. Perhaps another day.

I also have two items on my list of 'Movies To Watch'. One is Lost In Translation, which I thought would be good, then didn't, and now do again. The critics seem to like it in any case. The other movie is Rabbit Proof Fence. I was supposed to see it last year at an indie film show, but me and my friend got the date wrong and missed the showing.

I barely talk to my brother anymore. When he calls home he just says a quick hello to me and then says to put the parental units on the line. And it's hard to get him into conversation on MSN. *sigh* Maybe he'll come home for our sister's birthday next weekend and I can see if he's really as busy as he seems to be.

~ Temptation took over at 05:53 p.m.

Wednesday, January 14, 2004 - Quick W00t Of Joy

My 60x60 Cardcaptor Sakura avatars have been put on Duklyon-Cafe! *does a little dance* Now to take them off of my own site. I'm feeling quite pleased. Maybe I'll make more avatars. Or a layout! The possibilities are endless!

~ Temptation took over at 09:30 p.m.

Wednesday, January 14, 2004 - Choose Me and Die Foo'

I'm a little afraid of continuing with Unifying Force. For the last few days I have just been staring at it with hesitant fear. I can feel the feeling of being let down right over the horizon. And once it's over, it's really over. I just don't want the fun to end! *sniffle*

I am in the middle of reading this violent, edgy, and dark Pokemon monster-fic called Pokemon Master. I have run into it in the past, but never had enough interest to start reading it. I don't know why I started now. It's one of those fate things. Anyway, it's pretty good. Good plot. Okay characterization. Excellent (maybe a little excessive) descriptive imagery. But the absolute best Pokemon fics will always be Everything Changes, Making My Way, and One by Dragoness. She is the master. Er, mistress. I'll probably end up reading her fic One Heart when she's done it... if that ever happens.

I told my friends I would come down to visit them once more this school year. Don't know if I really will. It's such a bother transporting myself down there, and it costs a ton of money.

Hot damn, I am super-fly! This layout is so cool. *struts*

~ Temptation took over at 05:42 p.m.

Monday, January 12, 2004 - I Think I Might Be A Layout Whore

The last layout was supposed to last for the month. But I couldn't resist. It's so nice, this new X/1999 inspired layout. So blue. Like the last one. Version 4 will be blue too. I think my bias is clear here.

I'm feeling inspired tonight. I might just continue with my lovely stories. I'm almost sad that my HP parody is done, because I had so much fun writing it.

I wonder if anyone reads this thing. Its only purpose is that of an anonymous outlet for my thoughts. But it would be interesting to know if anyone cares.

I finished The Final Prophesy last night at, like, 2 in the morning. And I was so entralled that I got out of bed and busted out The Unifying Force from my bookshelf. Oh, the revelations! I'm almost halfway through the last book, and I cannot see a resolution in sight. Is that a bad thing? Obviously, the Star Wars galaxy has more adventures to come, but I think that the galactic conflict largely ends here, in this book.

*sigh* I need to drink some orange juice, eat some Belgian chocolates, write a bit and then go to sleep. Tomorrow will be another long day.

~ Temptation took over at 09:28 p.m.

Sunday, January 11, 2004 - Will Nom Anor Be Discovered?

Whoa, already past midnight? Hmm, it's later than I thought.

Been reading my NJO book The Final Prophesy. The plot is half boring-sucky, half heart-poundingly great. Whenever they start talking about tactical moves and offensive strikes I get completely glassy eyed. I hate the parts with the actual deep space battles. But the secrets of the Yuuzahn Vong are about to come out, so anything with the Jedi and Vong philosophy keep me at the edge of my seat. I'll be reading this book long into the night.

I've decided that I'm really not all that creative. The only way I come up with new concepts or ideas is through imitating others. Granted, this tactic works well, but it's not as if I'm a spring of imagination. For example, today I was fooling around in Photoshop with a CCS pic of Sakura. My intention was to create a layout. But everything I did was so unoriginal. The same as everything I've done before. I wanted to move to a new level of creation. So I had to go look for "inspiration" by going to layout websites and seeing what good designers did. I then integrated common trends in design to create my own layout. But it's not like a lightening bolt struck me in the head and I knew exactly what to do. I had to use imitation with variation. At least I'm using the sincerest form of flattery.

~ Temptation took over at 12:10 a.m.

Thursday, January 8, 2004 - The Serpent Eats Its Tail

Crayola should create a new colour: Slytherin Green.

How is it that these kids younger than me somehow have domains? I guess they must work and then be able to spend the money on stuff like that, rather than tuition, books and clothes like I do. Hell, my disposable income is smaller than a protazoan. If only I had been born a few years later, when the internet was really booming, then I would have gone into computers programming or graphic design rather than science. Or maybe not.

Ugly people annoy me. I don't mean people who look physically ugly, they can't help that. I'm talking about people who dress badly. I mean, is it a choice? Even people with limited resources to spend on clothing can look quite nice. But some people just don't seem to care. Or don't realize what they're doing wrong. Probably a combination of both. My dad is like that sometimes. And when he is, the women of the house point him back towards the closet with frustrated expressions on their faces.

I ran into a girl from high school today. She wasn't a friend, merely an acquaintance. But she looked so trashy. Her friend (who I don't know) looked trashy as well. *shrug* Weird. She used to be so normal.

I've come around full circle. I've told my friends this before. I've come around full circle and ended up where I began. But I'm not the same person that left that very spot. The journey changes you even if you stay the same.

~ Temptation took over at 08:03 p.m.

Tuesday, January 6, 2004 - I'm Just Mad About Saffron

I was just thinking about being a teenager and all the raging hormones that come as part of the deal. I'm still bewildered as to what happened in the summer of 2002 to make me so suddenly mellow. I mean, I've always been somewhat laid back. But after that summer I took it to a new level. I think it had a lot to do with having the most amazing job I've ever had, which involved picking up a lot of new skills, meeting new people, handling responsibility, and being independant. Plus, there's also the fact that I had first been obstinately opposed to coming home for the summer... which was ironic considering I ended up enjoying that summer at home so much.

But I still didn't feel as if some life-altering change came over me during those few months. But when I returned to my housemates and friends in September almost everyone commented that I either: A) looked good, B) seemed a lot happier, or C) wasn't as unbalanced as before. *shrug* I just can't figure it out. Although I do realize that there were some small changes in my behaviour after that.

The most notable change in myself as of late is what I like to call the Resignation Factor. It's something all adults pick up. As teens and even children, we wonder how adults can put up with so much crap, from things like conformity to allowing your little brother pester you. You can't understand why they don't see or acknowledge these small injustices in life. As you get older, you realize that not only is injustice everywhere, but it's part of life. You must accept it. Ergo the Resignation Factor.

But alas! Youth cannot remember old age, but old age fails in remembering the trials of the young. It's easy for me to sit here and say "Angsting teenage punks should stop giving their parents a hard time". But I have to remember that even I used to think that no one understood me, that I was alone in the world, and that I was insignificant. And besides, there are still things that make me angry and start spitting fire. It just doesn't happen as often as it did a few years ago.

Gwarr! I haven't touched my fanfics for several days! I keep wanting to write, but just don't feel like it. It's like my brain is entering a low point in my intellectual and creative literary powers.

~ Temptation took over at 10:08 p.m.

Monday, January 5, 2004 - All The Other Kids Are Doing It...

Arg, had another arguement/discussion with my parents about getting married. Same old, same old. They want me to get moving so that I will be married by 25. I keep saying that I'm not ready and that 25 is too young. They tell me that I should have kids before I'm 30, so I have to start early. I agree that having kids before 30 may be a good idea, but it's not the end of the world if I don't. They have it all planned out, you see. But I'm sure they realize that plans never pull through the way you hope they will. I don't want to plan getting married just yet because the thought of doing so depresses me.

I understand that they have my best interests at heart. But I can't help but cringe when I hear my mother wistfully say "Oh, if it was up to me, I would find you the best boy ever."

Everytime someone asks "Don't you want to get married?" it's like hearing them say "Don't you want to conform to the expected norms of society and culture?" And I'm not that far away from my teenage years that I'm comfortable with conforming to the adult way of life.

I probably will just let my parents get me married. I know how it will happen. I'll be happily independent, working in the city and living in my own place. However, family functions and get togethers will become increasingly difficult to swallow as "well-meaning" (that is, slightly rude) people comment on my age and singledom. The world will suddenly be permeated with subtle signals telling me that I am not getting younger, the biological clock is ticking, the time is now, take the next step, be an adult. Feeling resigned and a little bit embarassed, I'll settle for the best young lad who brings a proposal to the table. Then I will enter marital bliss, hurrah hurrah. All is well in the world once again. Until my mother starts asking about grandchildren.

~ Temptation took over at 11:46 p.m.

Sunday, January 4, 2004 - Recipie For Disaster

Take one functioning computer. Add one young male aged 15 to 30 years old with decent computer savvy skills. Mix for 5 to 15 minutes depending on size of male pride. Results in computer abnormalities and in some cases, non-function of said computer. Serves 1. You.

I've seen it time and time again. Ladies: don't let boys do things to your computers! It always turns out badly.

~ Temptation took over at 01:13 p.m.

Thursday, January 1, 2004 - Another Year. Rah.

I somehow do not feel as excited about a new year as I did this morning. I am getting to the point that I'm realizing that school will soon be upon me again, with the hassles and the homework and the commuting and the stress and the studying. *sigh* School stinks.

In other news, I archived. But I'm suddenly not pleased with the layout of this blog. Imperfection gets to me sometimes. I'll see what I can do. Or... maybe I'll just live with it... this time.

I had a major breakthrough for my original fantasy fic. I got the atmosphere and tone right down. My writing for this story reminds me of the writing in The Virgin Suicides, a novel I found both inspiring and creepy at the same time. *grin* I'm so happy it's turning out well!

~ Temptation took over at 05:26 p.m.

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