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Monday, April 17, 2006 - You've Got What I Need
Fuckers!
So my sister comes out of nowhere yesterday and asks me on IM if I'm dating this one guy friend of mine. Ew, I'm not, and I told her so. She said that she thought my mom and dad are curious about it. The whole matter makes me physically ill when I think about it, and I don't know why. Why should my family thinking I'm dating someone I'm not, who's actually just a friend, make me stressed and ill to my stomach?
GRAGH! I wish people would just leave me THE FUCK ALONE in my misery.
Temptation took over at 03:15 p.m.
Thursday, March 30, 2006 - Take That Look Off Your Face
These days I am just struck by how utterly BORED I am with life. It blows.
Temptation took over at 10:58 a.m.
Sunday, March 26, 2006 - There's Nowhere Left To Go But Down
I dun wanna go to work tomorrow!! *pout*
In other news, I am a lazy bum who can't be arsed to stock the cupboards and refridgerator.
Fuck this. I'm gonna go gorge on a tub of ice cream.
Temptation took over at 07:41 p.m.
Sunday, March 19, 2006 - Just Remember Who Played Who First
I just spent a most wonderful weekend with the siblings, being all lazy and silly and indulging our inner fangirl & fanboy tendancies.
So why do I feel so empty now? As if something is... lacking? Like I need to push my soul into feeling alive. As if what I need to do is, heaven help me, read a massive HP Harry/Draco slash epic. Watching countless episodes of CSI, House MD, Dragonball Z (as well as an involving and thought-provoking movie) must have set me on a path towards needing to feel the drive and emotion in so many fictional worlds. You know, that feeling that you are bigger than the life you're living now.
I ask myself. I know something like CSI is fictional, but imagine it's reality in an alternate universe. What if my life was really a TV show in an alternate universe? It would be cancelled due to lack of dramatic conflict, that's for sure. But there are so many flawed characters on television that we pick apart for analysis of their weaknesses and flaws. Am I worth being picked apart?
Temptation took over at 09:56 p.m.
Thursday, March 2, 2006 - Down With Your Moral Majority
Even though I'm not, I went to a Catholic high school back in the day. I figured it wouldn't be a big deal; I knew my heart was with my own religion and I could easily fake my way or detach myself in matters of religion when necessary. I actually did pretty well in my religion classes, always As, much to the amusement of my classmates. All I had to do was memorize the information the teachers gave the class about sacraments and history and I was good as gold.
But there were times when it was hard. My biggest challenge was hearing the morning prayer every day after the national anthem. In the beginning it was easy to not take it seriously, to just stay standing with the rest of the class and hear the chaplain speak over the PA system about The Lord. Eventually, it started getting to me. So much that I developed a sort of reflex aversion to certain aspects of Catholicism. My relfex aversion was probably due to a culmination of events, the sum of the numerous times Christianity has worked at making me uncomfortable. I'll get to that later. But anyway. There was something too... penitent about those morning prayers. Penitent and reserved at the same time. And it was very (pardon by bluntness) white. Every time I watch a black congregation or a black preacher, I feel a guilty kind of pity. Pity that somewhere in the far distant past, missionaries or dire circumstances required that these people had to convert to Christianity. I feel the same way about Christian Indians as well. "Man, sucks that those Portugese missionaries converted your poor and undereducated ancestors all those years ago."
What's the point of all this rambling? The point is that I am constantly struggling to see the good in Christianity. My religion teaches that all religions are equal and valid paths to god, and that all religious traditions should be respected. But it's hard to respect a religion that has hurt me personally in the past. I remember when I was 7 years old an older girl (maybe 9 or 10) asked me what church I went to. I told her I didn't go to church, because I wasn't Christian. I went to a temple instead. I was Hindu, like my parents who had come from India. She screwed her face at me disdainfully. "No. You're Christian. You have to be. Everyone who moves to this country has to become Christian." Well, I knew that wasn't true, of course. But I just bit my tongue and wondered why she would think such a bizarre thing.
There are so many things about me that I feel compelled to categorize and analyze. Being a feminist, being pro-choice, being pro-LGBT, being an NRI, being an introvert... Sometimes I find myself increasingly confused when trying to reconcile being liberal and embracing Indian traditions. Western and eastern values don't usually match up very well.
Temptation took over at 04:11 p.m.
Saturday, February 25, 2006 - Save Me From The Wee Turtles!
It was a late night yesterday, hanging with business folk'll. I think I drank more alcohol than I have in a long time. Anyway, I'm feeling rather weary and sleep-deprived.
I've come to the point where I'm beginning to miss the awesomeness of Toronto. I'm not exactly sick of the east coast yet, but I'm glad I'll only be working at my next location for a week only. Any longer and I would go insane. Yeah, three weeks away on business is definately my limit. Hell, I've been here longer than I stayed in Europe last summer!
Speaking of Europe, staying into fancy-ish hotels keeps reminding me of Paris for some reason. I wake up feeling like if I look out my window I'll see the Eiffel tower in summer.
I truly cannot wait until summer arrives. This year is going to be different from the rest, I can tell already. Things are gonna changed after this year. I was thinking that I should be spontaneous about travelling with my friends when the weather gets nice. I can imagine calling up Andrea or someone and driving down to Boston for a weekend.
Temptation took over at 05:11 p.m.
Tuesday, February 21, 2006 - You'll Find I'm Full Of Surprises
It's been a while; I pretty much forgot this thing had a Lost layout instead of Fuuma from X/1999. Right now I'm super freaking cold. I'm doing work in the production supervisor's office, which is right by the entryway. So cold air mass ahoy. Gah. And to think it's actually "warm" outside today. As warm as weather gets on the Canadian east coast in February.
I am surprised at myself for not being more pissed about missing House MD last night. I saw some preview clips and I saw the last 15 minutes, so I guess it's not that bad. Doesn't seem like anything cerayzee happened during last night's episode. Still. I've gotta get my hands on that episode. All I know is that House demonstrated that the perfect man is a woman and the perfect woman is a man ;)
Temptation took over at 11:30 a.m.
Thursday, February 2, 2006 - Forget But Not Forgive
Hooray for my new layout. Lost is awesome :)
I talked to Jodi for the first time in a long time yesterday. I've come to realize that I really missed her personal brand of humour and all her mannerisms. The sheepishness and opinionation and the sarcasm... it would be nice to see her again. We may end up going karaoke singing with Keith. Maybe. We'll see if that ever flies.
Speaking of Keith, I keep thinking about another Keith, one from high school. I don't know why I'm thinking about him. It's not even him, just the idea of someone from high school seeing me now after... how many years has it been? 6 years. To someone who hasn't seen me in 6 years, what would they think?
I'm getting together with Commie this weekend, for a movie and dinner/drinks. She's a really awesome person, but the thing with her is that I know when we meet I have to play the role of Listener. She's rather high maintenance that way. But I don't mind. She fun to hang out with. It's the desi connection ;)
God, I hate work...
Temptation took over at 11:45 p.m.