They say, the worst pain possibly felt... is through the death of a loved one. Today, I feel it... And I can't seem to bring myself back from that edge of despair. Life goes on, and I hope I do. The fairy tale has ended, here comes the nightmare.
Yet, I wait for the dawn. With light comes hope, and another beginning. A time where, perhaps things can be renewed. Where I will find myself. Where all will be alright again. For now, I await in silence and darkness. I hope, I pray... I pray for myself.
I will survive this. But the pain will remain. My pain... Just mine. More bitter it is... to bear it alone. But I won't hate... I will continue to love... Alone perhaps, but with an honest heart...
Jesus Christ, I pray today, raise me from the lonely dead.
Just realised how much Winnie the Pooh has done for me when I was like, off, when younger. I need a Pooh again. Argh.
Totally happy with the rest of the world, the only problem right now is myself. Oh well, I'm going to enjoy this for all its worth. I hope.
Anyway, Christmas week is coming up. I fear... Oh, I fear. I fear depression. Unhappiness. Anxiety. I really hope that every year's best week will not go spoilt this year. I'm praying.
Was a blast. Went for Mass, delivered my gifts and had one great time with my friends. Went over to Ian's house for dinner and ended up having a mini-P&W session with Andrew at the guitar. Ordered Pizza Hut over for 11 people and damn was that fun. Discussed theology before it got too late for me to go home. So we went our separate ways, and I slept over at Kenneth's house for the night. Played Xbox for 20 minutes before lying in bed talking to Kenneth who was on (his own) bed. Fell asleep. Woke up this morning, bathed and had an awesome breakfast with his family. Went over to church for PostCon, spent 3 hours at Ah Seah later before going home. Fell smack right onto the bed with a snore. Just woke up.
How was that for a nice "letmetellyoueverythingididtodayeventhoughyouprobablydontgiveashit" entry.
Hello! Well, just got back from Confirmation Camp yesterday and I can tell you it was one awesome experience for me, and surely for the rest of the facilitators and especially the Confirmants. Firstly, I'd like to say without all of you fellow facilitators, I do not think that the Confirmation Camp would have gone as well as it did, and for that praise the Lord!
Well, the camp lasted from Monday till Thursday (yesterday), and words cannot describe how spiritually fulfilled and satisfied I feel today. It's been an emotional rollercoaster for many of the Confirmants, and I'm so glad that at the end of it, the nets we have thrown have caught a great share. It was quite stirring for many of us facils, seeing these Confirmants suddenly face that life-changing moment as they finally saw salvation and true peace in God. Perhaps, a lot of them were awed when they saw the Gifts possessed by facils, who are at the most just a couple of years older than them. It's been four very emotional and powerful days, and at the end of it, wow... To see the change, the steep and stark contrast after just four days. I can say on behalf of many of the facilitators that the camp was one awesome success, perhaps even more so than last year's camp.
I'd like to mention the group I was in throughout the camp. Cheryl Ann, Charmaine and I were in charge of 6 Confirmants, Charlotte Ferroa, Cherylene, Beatrice, Polly, Pauline and Jonathan. Admittedly, I personally felt things were in a bit of a bad state on the second day as the Confirmants were still refusing to open up. I'm so glad I have to eat those words now, and I can say I am so happy for all of them. So yes, to all of you, even if you aren't reading it, may you experience a happy and blessed Confirmation this Saturday.
There was however that one problem which had to come up. Upon concluding the debrief session on Wednesday night, I returned to the Church Hall and was joking around with some of the guy Confirmants lying in their mattresses. Then it happened. A loud pop sound was suddenly heard and the boy who I had just walked past got up, throwing Hokkien vulgarities and shoved one of the three boys who had just walked pass opposite me. Being the facil, I separated them and suddenly realised something big had happened. The boy who had gotten to his feet was not the only one angry; every guy within 4 metres around me had sat up in bed brushing something off them with an angry face.
I lost my temper, and upon reflection right now, I regret it. The guy who had gotten to his feet is a tall fella and had quite an attitude on the first day. By the third day however, he had changed to become a protective group leader, a gentle-spoken guy who had come to know God. Then that happened, vulgarities were thrown, violence ensued... I was damn pissed. Sigh.
So anyway, I called another Kenneth (facilitator) for back-up and began trying to find out the facts. Supposedly all of the boys there felt sand or something falling from the sky onto them. One of them tasted it and realised it was sugar. I then asked the three boys about what happened when they entered the hall and walked past them, they said they had just entered after going to the toilet and suddenly people were shouting at them. They were dressed like punks so I at first quite doubted them. Argh. Regret that too. The facils helped clear up the place for the poor guys and gave them a new place and mattresses to sleep on for the night.
Anyway, later investigation by the facils revealed an Ovaltine packet stuffed into the big standing fans used in the hall. "Sand" was felt as far away as the other side of the hall. There was also another prank, but I wasn't there to see it. Some one had received Milo in the envelope used to receive "warm fuzzies" (messages) from anyone in the camp.
I remained quite tense the rest of the night, already regretting my temper. Heh. I don't often get angry, and as Brendan had told me, it was probably quite disconcerting to see me in a temper. So anyway, Gary and I went about walking around the place for an hour on "guard-duty", discussing everything. By the end of the night we had an eyewitness and had confirmed the identities of the pranksters.
Anyway, Fr. Brian had the next morning given the pranksters a chance to come forward and apologise to those were affected, or even better, to the whole camp for creating disharmony and disunity. Ha, I left camp early so I'm not sure if they did eventually, but I would have personally stood up and applauded them if they had come up in front of everyone despite my temper. I doubt they did though, but, oh well, God knows what to do.
I'm so glad that the incident hadn't affected the morale of the camp too badly, and surely, it was still an awesome camp despite everything. Praise the Lord for that. Personally, I have been quite taken with some of the Confirmants and I really hope that they will all grow in the Spirit with exponential steps. I was quite feverish on the last day though, due to personal reasons. Sorry to anyone if I had assed it up.
Personal ThankYou Note to all these people for personally helping make the Con. Camp experience a great one for me too:
To Gerald, Hsien-Li, Ian, Colin, Uncle Ben, Uncle Bernard, and Father Brian, great job at organisation and at getting the whole church together for this camp!
To all facils, awesome job at guiding the youths!
To the P&W crew, the camp would never have worked without you (we all agree definitely).
To my Con. Camp group, all of you are unique and being with any other group would not have given me the same sense of happiness as with all of you!
To David, for the great company and great sense of humour!
To Hazel, Carol (and those friends of yours on Wednesday night), Alex, Alvin: You guys personally made Con. Camp a very powerful experience for me and probably to many other facils, and also, thanks for the great times!
To all Confirmants, thank you for opening your heart to God! YOU WILL NOT REGRET IT. That itself made Con. Camp all the more special for everyone.
Once again, I praise the Lord so much for everything. To all those who haven't experienced Him, perhaps I can summarise what the Confirmants felt about how their lives had changed in the past 4 days... :
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You
PRAISE THE LORD!
Alright, I've got 3 more papers left and I'm done. Since one of these papers is Science MCQ, its basically just two major papers left. This is awesome...
Unless anyone close to me has any violent objections, I've decided CJC. I decided that with my sort of points I shouldn't have my hopes set to high. Also, I figured out that it would totally suck to go to SAJC and ACJC and not feel comfortable there because I'm not all for their religion and all... So yes, oh well.
Alright, here's what I have during the hols:
1. School Graduation Dinner
2. Class chalet
3. YES! Camp
4. Church Youth BBQ
In addition, I'm acting for the mini-film for the Christmas Party for Kids and I've got plenty of other things to do with friends. Then there's Christmas week, which will be mostly made up of parties, visits, presents, parties... Yeah. And it all ends with my birthday.
Damn I love the December hols. I'm going to enjoy this one as much as I can.
