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My pitas page
Friday, October 12, 2001 05:23 p.m.
poo
Thursday, July 26, 2001 09:44 a.m.
If a bear shits by a fallen tree in the Lumpy Garden, will anyone step in it?
Tuesday, May 29, 2001 06:21 p.m.
Go on, play with youself.
N.
(courtesy of Lanaya)
Tuesday, May 29, 2001 04:08 p.m.
To Bitch-Poke or Not: Results are In (Kinda)!
A while back, I posted a piece from Dan Savage, who asked for a good name to describe "a straight man getting done up the butt by a woman with a strap on." Whew--that's a mouthful (no, that's a blowjob...). Anyway, the results are in, but he's up in the air--click here & see for yourself.
(N.)
PS: I voted for pegging.
Thursday, May 24, 2001 04:58 p.m.
Let's hear it once again for that rag, the NY Post. You can (and I do) disagree vehemently with their point of view. But you gotta love the crass, in your face headlines, like today's for example. The editors must have a field day making up the front page.
-Gnu.
Wednesday, May 23, 2001 09:11 p.m.
Wotapalava.
(n.)
Wednesday, May 23, 2001 08:46 p.m.
It's been a while, which means I've been getting out of work at a decent hour. But not tonight! And so, time for another installment of "Desktop Dining." On tonight's menu: a small seafood chowder (tomato-based, of course), farfalle with grilled chicken, olives, tomatoes & asparagus (anybody know what bodily secretion is affected by eating asparagus?), all washed down with a large mineral water. Not bad.
Being at work late also means I get to email with Scott, Lumpy's Australian correspondent. He's loving life down under, but what we'd like to know is how many times he's gone down while down under. Another time, perhaps. For now, we'll all just have to make do by playing with Scott's nosehairs.
Gnu "In the Freezer with the Tweezer" No.
Monday, May 21, 2001 03:46 p.m.
For those of that didn't see it yet, I won't put this picture here & spoil the surprise (although it wasn't really that much of a surprise). But if you watched last night's Sopranos season finale, then check this out: the front page of today's NY Post. There's a story about Pataki on one part of the cover, and right below it, there's a picture of something that happened on last night's episode--as if it's really news???? Granted, this is the Post we're talking about, but still--very weird.
(n)
Friday, May 18, 2001 02:32 p.m.
Here's a wise response from the other side of the Atlantic to Bushy's "fatally flawed" energy policy.
(n)
Thursday, May 17, 2001 05:24 p.m.
"Cheney is a child abuser and rapist"--huh? Anyone ever hear of David Icke? Visit David Icke's home page and you're greeted by someone who looks like a cult leader from California. Incredibly bizarre--a fundamentalist left-wing conspiracy cult?
Gnu "Dick Cheney is my baby's daddy" No.
Thursday, May 17, 2001
Streamline the burdensome approval process for the building of those quaint little nuclear power plants! Open the Artic Wildlife Refuge for oil drilling and, in a stroke of pure genius, attempt to make up for the complete destruction of an insignificant wildlife resource by using royalties to develop alternative energy sources! Speed up all that overly-bureaucratic federal review of those harmless gas pipelines!
Why, it's Bushy Snortmeal, snorting all those lines and then making the nation's energy policy! Silly Bushy. But wait, is it Bushy's plan after all? Maybe Bushy is just too busy snorting, so Chinchilla Cheney has to help out. Thank goodness the Bushy years are so much like the Clinton years: elect a figurehead party-boy President so the real brains can do the work behind the scenes. Yay Bushy!
In celebration of the brilliant Bushy-Chinchilla energy plan, it's good time to reminisce over the federal government's wonderful involvement in natural preservation, as told by Bill Bryson in his book "A Walk in the Woods":
"...America is still to a remarkable extent a land of forests. One-third of the landscape of the lower forty-eight states is covered in trees--728 million acres in all...About 240 million acres of America's forests are owned by the government. The bulk of this--191 million acres, spread over 155 parcels of land--is held by the U.S. Forest Service under the desigantions of National Forests, National Grasslands, and National Recreation Areas. All this sounds soothingly untrampled and ecological, but in fact agreat deal of Forest Service land is designated "multiple-use," which is generously interpreted to allow for any number of activities--mining, oil, and gas extraction; ski resorts (137 of them); condominium developments; snowmobiling; off-road vehicle scrambling; and lots and lots and lots of logging--that seem curiously incompatible with woodland serenity.
The Forest Service is truly an extraordinary institution. A lot of people, seeing that word "forest" in the title, assume it has something to do with looking after trees...In fact, most of what the Forest Service does is build roads. I am not kidding. There are 378,000 miles of roads in America's national forests. That may seem a meaningless figure, but look at it this way--it is eight times the total mileage of America's interstate highway system. The Forest Service has the second highest number of road engineers of any government institution on the planet. To say these guys like to build roads barely hints at their level of dedication. Show them a stand of trees anywhere and they will regard it thoughtfully for a long while, and say at last, 'You know, we could put a road here.'
...The reason the Forest Service builds these roads, quite apart from the deep pleasure of doing noisy things in the woods with big yellow machines, is to allow private timber companies to get to previously inaccessible stands of trees...By the late 1980s...[the Forest Service] was the only significant player in the American timber industry that was cutting down trees faster than it replaced them. Moreover, it was doing this with sumptuous inefficiency. Eighty percent of its leasing arrangements lost money, often vast amounts. In one typical deal, the Forest Service sold hundred-year-old lodgepole pines in the Targhee National Forest in Idaho for about $2 each after spending $4 per tree surveying the land, drawing up contracts, and, of course, building roads."
But, folks, that's neither here nor there, now is it? Forest Service, Schmorest Shervice--as you go about your day, remember: 47.8% of voters and the Supreme Court agree--Bushy (Chinchilla) Snortmeal is the American way!
Gnu "Tree Huggin' Bastard" No.
PS: More math fun: even though 47.8% of voters who actually voted in the election voted for Bush, only 24.5% of US citizens of voting age voted for Bush. Similarly, only 32.4% of US citizens registered to vote voted for Bush. And one last thing: of all US citizens eligible to vote, 75.6% are registered to vote. Yay Bushy!
Wednesday, May 16, 2001 01:38 p.m.
How to follow in Daddy Bush's footsteps. She'll make a great President one day.
(n)
PS: Following is just a sample post found on the yahoo message boards discussing the sad exploits of little Jenna:
"SUBJ: How can you blame her?
look at her family:
DUI daddy
ugly, stripper lovin' grandma
pot smokin, muchie lovin grandpa & uncle
punk, goth, rock star mom"
(Posted by barbara_bush_is_nasty)
Wednesday, May 16, 2001 11:05 a.m.
Tuesday night wine dinner at Locanda. Belly still full--me so expaaaaanded. The pasta with boar stew. The roasted pork loin. The peppercorn beef stew (marinated in wine for 9 hours). Belly so big, my back hurts.
(n)
Monday, May 14, 2001 12:57 p.m.
Worcheshire.
Friday, May 11, 2001 11:39 a.m.
Which reminds me of what Trent Lott said the other day: "'Quite simply, no man alive could give it to these wet, horny bitches in the manner they require,' said Senate Majority Leader Trent Lott (R-MS)."
Mr. N.
Friday, May 11, 2001
This page is not brought to you by the letter "W."
Doontzis
Friday, May 11, 2001
Why we won't write website witticisms Wednesdays.
Thursday, May 10, 2001 05:46 p.m.
Weenie.
Wednesday, May 9, 2001 03:18 p.m.
Abercrombie & Fitch: the finest purveyors of soft porn. A few of us at the office were oggling the new catalogue--nudies everywhere. How do they sell clothes if none of the models have clothes on? Request your free catalogue: 1.800.432.0888
(n)
Tuesday, May 8, 2001 11:50 a.m.
What else does "W" stand for?
(n)
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