Monday, May 13, 2002
Castle Grayskull kinda looks like it's performing voodoo fellatio on the entry bridge. That makes sense; He-man always reminded me of a Rocky Horror character.

Monday, May 13, 2002
Holy crap. The aforementioned evil girl has an entire page devoted to belittling somebody who asked her a question online.

Monday, May 13, 2002
Because of some late-80's musical debauchery, Lumpy has a new claim to fame that may introduce hundreds if not thousands of teenaged Roman Catholics to its loyal viewing public. And as far as I can tell, no where else can you find these words in a string: Chaminade boys take bubble baths.
- Doon-dah, Doon-dah
You know who you are.

Monday, May 13, 2002
Party like it's 1992: Here's all the Chucklehead you could want.
We're MP3-rockin' it. Now who the hell is Puddle of Mud?

Got a Mac? Don't fret to the finger to the finger to the fret.
You don't have to give it up. Click here to soak up the fff.
- Doonces

Friday, May 10, 2002 01:05 p.m.
Friday means fun with religious fanatics!

Thursday, May 9, 2002 11:12 p.m.
Don't know why, but some of my posts below got all screwy. Apologies if things don't make sense. By the way, this week's New Yorker features an "catching up with"-type article with Larry Kramer, with particular emphasis on his search, as an HIV positve man, for a liver transplant (not available online) -- good stuff.
-Gnu
PS: Beaner found her favorite children's book online: Tikki tikki tembo-no sa rembo-chari bari ruchi-pip peri pembo.

Thursday, May 9, 2002
What if my little guy wore little outfits?
Grab my magic sword and take it shopping!

Thursday, May 9, 2002
Somehow hearing about forest fires in Brazil is made just a little more pleasant when the newcaster removes their clothing.

Wednesday, May 8, 2002 11:16 a.m.
the movie's website has some great flash animation.
-Gahnoo

Monday, May 6, 2002 05:40 p.m.
As I typed the "Ratoncito Miguel post" Liza was in the other room listening to a program on Swedish TV 1 about "Designer Vaginas."
Joshua "Leafing-Through-Fear-Of-Flying-To-Get-To-The-Good-Parts"

Monday, May 6, 2002 05:25 p.m.
Luckily I don't have any memories of tormenting songs from school which haven't been surpressed. Perhaps this is because the memories are so traumatic that I'll never dare relive them without undergoing hypnosis first. So be it. I'm not going to fight my mind's protective measures.
I do have this to offer and it's chilling enough. Whenever we would visit the Dominican Republic my father (and his siblings) would relive his childhood through song. The most mysterious tune to me (I never fully grasped the plot with my incomplete spanish) was Ratoncito Miguel (RA file) probably because I thought, until about 1998, that it had something to do with Mickey Mouse. It doesn't. (Lyrics for the hispanically inclined.)
Joshua "De-Los-Treinte-Caballeros"

Monday, May 6, 2002 04:58 p.m.
1980's musical debauchery: due to monthly masses in Catholic all-boys high school, "Here I Am, Lord" is forever burned in my mind. It was a catchy mellow tune & I remember secretly liking the song. These days, I'm just waiting to hear the Ween cover.
Gnu

Monday, May 6, 2002 04:53 p.m.
Should Slim Shady rename himself as the Slim Fairy?
-The Real Gnu

Monday, May 6, 2002 3:47 p.m.
We've hit the big time folks. We got a hit yesterday from somebody running a google search on "Ween + Mormon". Notice that Lumpy Oatmeal is number two (2) on the list. I am so proud of us! But worried for mankind that someone is out there running google searches on "Ween + Mormon". We can only hope that it's for the improvement of mankind somehow. (yeah right).
Joshua "I-Live-I-Breathe-I-Am-The-Stallion"

Monday, May 6, 2002 03:03 p.m.
"Longer than there've been fishes in the ocean, higher than any bird ever flew....."
-Judy Fogelberg

Monday, May 6, 2002 6:66 a.m.
Oh please help me.

It's in my head again.

I have a horrible childhood trauma to confess. For the last month or so I've had Dolly Parton's "9 To 5" sporadically blaring in my noggin. And I know all the words. Now, I hadn't stopped to think about why this particular piece of 1980 Americana might be infiltrating the Jukebox From Hell that is my long-term memory, but then it hit me.

Mr. Vader's music class in grade school.

We sang that fucking song a hundred times. That and Bette Midler's "The Rose". Dolly, Bette...hmmm. No Liza or Judy? I wasn't exactly expecting to sing Steve Miller at Holy Cross School, but Jesus Christ, I wish he had picked something less virulent. And now here I am, 31 years old, and even Ween won't stop the dulcet tones of the Queen of Country from careening around my cranium.

So fess up, Lumpsketeers. What musical debauchery was inflicted upon your virgin ears in the early 1980s?

PS - My music teacher really was Mr. Vader. Insert Lucasfilm-based joke here.

PPS - And "The Rainbow Connection" from the Muppet Movie.

- Dabney Nortman

Sunday, May 5, 2002 04:47 p.m.
From the Lumpy Oatmeal Gallery of Useless Websites
It's British. It's Furniture. It's Brittfurn!
The People of Malmö

Friday, May 3, 2002 03:24 p.m.
Flashback Friday.

Friday, May 3, 2002 10:37 a.m.

NYC Newsflash! The East Village is still fun!
A few of us got together to go see The Dirty Gay Pimp's Dirty Gay Teen Pop Superstar Concert. Showstopping numbers included "Hey Little Raver Boy", "Soccer Practice" and "Girl, I F**ked Your Boyfriend." (Interestingly enough, the performance is an offshoot of the Dirty Matrix, which some of us went to see at Surf Reality a while ago and some others decided that instead of going inside to see the show they would rather sit out on Houston Street and drink 40s.) After the Dirty Gay Pimp show, we discussed going to Pop Rocks!, the gay dance party that plays nothing but 'Nsync & Brittney (I'm not joking), but we decided that food might be a better idea. We grabbed a bite at Dok Suni, the ageless East Village Korean, which actually was really delicious and which we discovered serves sweet potato vodka by the bottle (well, 350 ml for 4 people that is). Then Shareyrey & I went outside for a breath of smoky air. This well-dressed guy in a suit (latin, late 20s) comes over & asks for a cigarette. We give him one and he starts to chat with us. Turns out he's been on ecstasy for the last two days, just got off work and is on the way to meet his family. Of course. At that moment, I felt like breaking into a song, dedicated to the East Village: "Still crazy, after all these years..."

-Gnu and the Backdoor Boys.

Wednesday, May 1, 2002 05:45 p.m.
A standing ovation to the truly demented mind that posted the "hungry?" link. Now I know what I'm making for dinner. 'Nuff said.
-Gnulicious

Wednesday, May 1, 2002 04:28 p.m.
Hungry?

Wednesday, May 1, 2002 12:15 p.m.
Really Evil Plan for World Domination, Stage II: Next, you will seize control of the Moon (ooh, tides!). This will cause countless hordes of the religious right to flock to you, begging to do your every bidding. Your name will become synonymous with fuzzy bunnies, as lesser men whisper your name in terror.
Gnu Manchu

Monday, April 29, 2002 06:20 p.m.

I can teach you sign language. (That is, if you wait for the animation to load.)

I am a really kick-ass nature photographer.

I am an all-star basketball player.

I publish a death metal fanzine.

I am a rocket scientist.

And, as always, I am fabric.

Obey my dog -- kill the Malaysian Prime Minister!

Monday, April 29, 2002 04:38 p.m.
This just in! Gnu & Shareyrey, two of Brooklyn's finest Lumpskateers will be meeting with the Malmö Lumpskateers at an emergency State of the Lumps meeting to be convened on the weekend of June 1, 2002 in Malmö. Items on the agenda for discussion include "Victims of the Lumpy Priests: Just How Insane Can We Drive Alexa?", "Celibacy and Lumpy: The Eyes Say No but the Schnapps Says Yes" and "Where in Tarnation is Malmö Anyway?"

For any items that should be added to the agenda, please post your concerns immediately.

Monday, April 29, 2002 12:01 p.m.
Alas Brooke, the link to Alexa's page has already been archived. The link text says "it has no significant meaning!".
Suck my Balls
Pandy Fackler
Lumpy Oatmeal Webtender

Monday, April 29, 2002 11:33 a.m.
Doon, that book is truly frightening. Thank you for the weirdness.

Also, where is that cunty-girl's webpage even referenced here? I couldn't find it.

- Brooke and the big belly

Sunday, April 28, 2002 09:14 p.m.
From Danish TV2:lørdag, 27 april
21.00: Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back — Special Edition
Amerikansk science fiction-eventyr fra 1980. Stjernekrigsheltene Luke Skywalker, Han Solo og den yndefulde prinsesse Leia er tilbage sammen med de elskelige robotter Erto-Deto og C-3PO. Medvirkende: Mark Hamill, Harrison Ford, Carrie Fisher. Regi: Irvin Kershner.

Stjärnkrig-mania has hit Scandinavia folks. Everybody here is pulling out their special edition videos and rewatching the four existing installments in anticipation of Episode 2. How many of you remember that in Part IV (A New Hope) Obi-Wan told Luke that he fought with Luke's father during the Clone Wars? Or how about my favorite throw-away line from Part V (The Empire Srikes Back) "Imperial troops have entered the Base! Imperial troops have entered the ----- [radio static]"?

For a little humorous hype, check out Kevin Rubio's pitch perfect Troops, a Cops parody staring Imperial Stormtroopers on Tatooine with cameos by Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru.
Joshua "Just-Going-To-Tashi-Station-To-Pick-Up-Some-Power-Converters"

Saturday, April 27, 2002
Considering how many of our friends seem to be pumping out children these days, I feel that it is in this new generation's best interest to shine our collective lumpy light on filth that parades around as juvenile educational tools. Now if I could only do something about those damned oompa loompas.

- Doonces, self-appointed protector of the wee ones

Saturday, April 27, 2002
Long live Scatman Crothers!

Friday, April 26, 2002
I think we all should avoid the clamato.

Friday, April 26, 2002
Straight dope: How to get laid in Japan.

Friday, April 26, 2002 03:35 p.m.
The sublime wackadoodles at Entropy8Zuper! have created an interactive multi-media renditon of the biblical book of Numbers which just so happens to double as a commentary on the War on Terrorism. We all know that this is exactly what the world has been waiting for. Ask and ye shall receive. Baffled? Don't worry, they explain it all.
Joshua "Wandering-Dazed-Somewhere-Near-Ludlow"

Thursday, April 25, 2002 02:06 p.m.
Slow day at work means a brand new Lumpy! Sorry, John Denver, but Rocky Mountain High lives forever in the archives.

So here's something to look forward to: there's a new He-Man cartoon series in the works, and what a surprise, the new action figures are ready to to hit the shelves. Let's hear it for product saturation. I wonder if the new cartoon will tackle the emotional complexities of He-Man's ball fetish.

Gnu, Master of the Nuts