Monday, April 22, 2002 04:33 p.m.

For Total Geeks Only

Google has recently made its API (that's Application Programming Interface) available to all, free of charge, because they're just nice people I guess. Apparently this will let a total geek use Googability to her or his own ends. The famous AltaMeter springs to mind.
Joshua "Open Source" Alvarez

Monday, April 22, 2002 01:15 p.m.

The word of the day is zorbing. Remember Zorbs? Back from the day when Lumpy came at you from Peakskill? Well that little shout out to zorbs (thank you Doonie) netted us at Lumpy one (1) hit today (from http://www.google.co.il/search?hl=iw&q=zorbing+business+franchise.) So what does this mean? It means Good Job! People in Israel are trying to start Zorb franchises, running Goggle searches, and hitting us. This is not only meaningless, it has no significant meaning!

Suck My Balls
Pandy Fackler
Lumpy Oatmeal Webtender

Thursday, April 18, 2002 10:05 a.m.

Everybody was stick figure fightin'
Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na

Iron Portuguese Gas

Wednesday, April 17, 2002 01:21 p.m.

OK, what's going on with Lee Jeans? Isit just Sweden or are people all over the world starting to wear Lee Jeans again. In 1983 and 1984, while I listened to Van Halen and Def Leppard, I wore Lee Jeans and only Lee Jeans. I especially liked that the navy blue elastic belt which hooked in the front by interlocking two brass "half-square-knots" and had "JOSH" stencled on it about 10 times in white paint would go underneath the leather Lee label on the back. Well friends, they still have the same label construction. Liza bought a pair today. They're a little tight and they look fabulous on her, much better in fact than they ever did on me. When you see a movie at the theater here in Sweden they have commercials before the movie begins, and ever since January they always show this Lee Jeans commercial (don't forget to click the red "play" button). This undoubtedly has quite a lot to do with the resurgence. Does it play in the US also?

Where does a product go to sleep for eighteen years?

Joshua "Sergio Valenti" Alvarez

Wednesday, April 17, 2002 11:46 a.m.

But she turned out to be another kind of Judy.

Judy

Wednesday, April 17, 2002 11:15 a.m.

I can never get enough of Zoolander quotes: "If there's anything that this horrible tragedy can teach us, it's that a male model's life is a precious, precious commodity. Just because we have chiselled abs and stunning features, it doesn't mean that we, too, can't not die in a freak gasoline fight accident."

Mugatununo

Wednesday, April 17, 2002 10:16 a.m.

NYC dispatch: The other day, while having a ciggarette outside during work, I spied the Mr. Softee truck across the street on his regular corner. Then, a UPS guy walked past, wearing the brown polyester short sleeve shirt and shorts. Right then, I knew spring arrived and summer was on its way. But then the weather decided to skip spring and take us right into summer -- 94 degrees in April? Calgon, take me away!

NMS

Tuesday, April 16, 2002 04:35 p.m.

Today's report from Sweden pertains once again to football which is ever more completely taking over hearts and minds on this side of the Atlantic. It's probably not much of a fuss yet stateside, but the World Cup begins in six weeks and folks over here can't discuss it enough.

The latest craziness comes from the UK where their star player, David Beckham, a striker for Manchester United (Britain's answer to the New York Yankees), has broken a bone in his foot and may miss the World Cup. Allegedly many persons in Britain who happen to be clergy in the Church of England have been witnessed by independent observers praying for Beckham's speedy recovery. This is not a Python sketch, I swear it.

Joshua "Maradona" Alvarez

Tuesday, April 16, 2002 6:66 a.m.

Lump, lump, lump. Deep in the heart of Susquehanna County Pennsyltucky, in a bunker two hundred meters below the earth's surface, the Mighty Squashed Bananas rejoice. Phase One of their vengeful plan is COMPLETE! The scattered remnants of the Yo La Fanbase are left to lick their wounds and compare liner notes in hiding, fearing the worst.

As Frankengitter glows softly from its pedestal on high, two shadowy shapes plot which one of them Wedding Present dickheads is next.

Friday, April 12, 2002 11:31 a.m.

11 out of 16 — not bad, but then again I live in Sweden where the surgery was developed and perfected, so it's vital to develop an eye for such things here.

Joshua "Navratalova" Alvarez

Friday, April 12, 2002 11:06 a.m.

Female or Shemale?

Thursday, April 11, 2002 10:30 a.m.

So I'm sitting here trying to figure it all out -- was it or wasn't it real? Was Rita really Camilla? Was Betty really Diane? Was there a hitman? And did Billy Ray Cyrus do it? For chrissakes, did anybody else Mulholland Drive? Terrific movie if you're looking for an everlasting mindfuck. Silencio.....
Billy Ray Nuno

Wednesday, April 10, 2002 10:15 p.m.

Mighty Bananas Feared Squashed

Tuesday, April 9, 2002 05:58 p.m.

NYC update: Mayor Bloomberg inhaled and he enjoyed it -- Newt Gingrinch inhaled but it had no effect on him.

Tuesday, April 9, 2002 01:21 p.m.

Hello again Lumpsters.

Todays report from Sweden is that last night I went to my first football match. Local team Malmö FF lost 2-1 to Djurgården, which is especially painful because Djurgården is from Stockholm. The bastards. The good thing was that it took the sting out of not being able to watch baseball. I have, however, subscribed to Major League Baseball's gameday audio feature, which has allowed me to listen to each and every Yankee game so far. Yankee starting pitching causes me to fear for the rest of the American League.
Joshua

Monday, April 8, 2002 11:57 p.m.

Gnu says: click the boognish.

Monday, April 8, 2002 01:08 p.m., Provo, UT

From the Desk of Orrin T. Hatch
Let me begin by confessing that I personally have a weakness for Ween. Last May Sally Ann Cavenaugh, my personal secretary, gave my wife and me two tickets to a concert of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir at the temple in Salt Lake City. It's always uplifting when the Tabernacle hits on all pistons, but this evening they had something special planned: a fully arranged, twenty-two minute rendition of Ween's "(Don't Get Too Close to My) Fantasy". Now both Grizelda and I were amazed that such a heavenly sound could come from a secular source, so the next morning, after my 9:00 stroke-off, I surfed the net a little to see what I could dig up on this band Ween. It appears that they're not gentiles at all, but Saints, of the later day variety! It seems that about fifteen years ago young geener and deener were wandering through Zion National Park, searching for certain special cacti, when they heard a voice from above singing the old Mormon spiritual "Up On The Hill".

Now even many Mormons have never heard of Boognish, but those who have will know that he is a mysterious and vital part of our teachings. By the way weren't the Olympics just swell? So as I was saying, If we all just come together and pull together like Americans and listen to Ween and stop persecuting those among us with divergent religious beliefs, we will be able to overcome the masturbation problem once and for all.

Orrin T. Hatch
US Senate

Friday, April 5, 2002 05:12 p.m. (European Time)

OK let's get the show on the road, we all know what this is about and what to do.
So let's set it up!!!

Tuesday, January 29, 2002 10:30 a.m.

Lumpy reaches out to Sweden: Astrid Lindgren, the creator of Pipi Longstockins, died and one can't help but wonder: was Bad Pipi somehow involved?

Monday, January 28, 2002 10:04 a.m.

What is going on with this weather? It's January 24th & it's in the 60s here in the NYC? Instead of making plans to go skiing, should we be thinking about waterskiing? Or maybe just read up on the history of the song, "New York, New York"...

Tuesday, January 22, 2002 11:36 a.m.

I want my GayTV!